I’m having a week or two off work. The idea of spending any of my holiday sifting through that stinking mess doesn’t really appeal, so it’s all been a bit quiet. Alex has been busy though so I’ll get his work all queued up and ready to release. Like a saline drip with piss in it. Here’s the first.
- Nelson
An odd breed, the loudmouths who make up the Silent Majority, exhibiting any or all of the following symptoms: They consider themselves ordinary working people because they never did very well at school and the finest minds of their generation due to their well-paid white-collar job. They see themselves as revolutionaries for resisting every policy that might slightly alter society and as a lone voice of reason because they’re very, very angry and the whole country is behind them. Also they’re definitely, DEFINITELY not racist (only ethnics are racist these days) and are courageous champions of the working classes despite their paralysing fear of strikes and poor people. Which brings me to whatever the fuck Andy sent in:
THESE TRAIN DRIVERS ARE TAKING THE BISCUIT! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU GET SUPPOSEDLY POOR WORKING CONDITIONS AND PAY “GOD WE HEAR ABOUT IT ENOUGH”…BOO HOO!!! I DONT KNOW ANYONE THAT GOD A PAYRISE ARE THESE SO CALLED PEOPLE FOR REAL! ITS A JOKE! AND ANOTHERTHING WHILST IM GETTING 6 BUSSES AND TRAINS TO WORK TOMORROW, IF I GET MUGGED BY A GROUP OF CHAVS ON A BUS (THEIR LOCAL HANG OUT) WILL THE ALMIGHTLY UNION REPS PAY ME COMPENSATION? I DONT THINK SO. SO THEY CAN STICK THIS IN THEIR PIPE AND SMOKE IT AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED!!! AND DO ONE!
Bb, romford
Don’t forget though, if they hadn’t called a strike and you’d taken the train, they’d have had to compensate the buschavs for loss of earnings. I guess it was more prudent to inconvenience you instead because you’re a self-important, whiny cock.
98 Responses to “Two Rants”
LOUD NOISES!!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!!!
ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY UNION REPS!
relax, I’m a train driver.
AND DO ONE!
You can tell they got up to writing “THAT” and then thought of something which made them so incredibly angry they actually threw up. They then resumed typing a new sentance.
P.S.
*message here*
Except spelt ‘blockquote’.
Union rules, mate. Train Drivers get a family pack of Tunnocks Tea-Cakes every 50 miles, tax free. It was part of the secret package that Kieth Joseph promised the RMT for allowing rail privatisation. To begin with, the government offered chocolate bourbons but the RMT went on strike insisting on Wagon Wheels or no deal. Then ACAS brought Tunnocks in to negotiations and the RMT were won over by their old school confectionary. So those biscuits are fair and legal compensation to the RMT for letting the Tories steal the British Public’s transport network.
By his own admission, he’s apparently up against God, so I don’t fancy his chances.
FFS. My witty explanation of how to use blockquote & /blockquote has been censored!
@England, not Belgium
You want to be careful on this site. I’d tell your wife to expect a text on her mobile in the early hours.
And if you’re not married, it’ll go to your future wife.
They’re _that_ good.
Why would anyone want to stick a twunts rantings into their pipes to smoke, personally I find sawdust and dog hair far more aromatic.
It’s illegal to smoke on trains anyway, the silly oaf (not you, Oaf).
C’mon guys, he made that comment on the Evening Standard web site. Making mock out of ES readers for being stupid arrogant cunts is like going into a kindergarten and call accusing the inmates of acting like children.
And besides, whenever I see anything printed by the ES it reminds that it is still in existance despite having been caught in flagrente making up false pro-war stories that would have made Pravda blush.
It’s epic, isn’t it. You can picture him getting all wound up about those damn chavs that are going to mug him on the bus tomorrow. There is nothing he can do. And him, a hard working citizen.
@ spunging
First you type an angle bracket pointing left, then type the word ‘blockquote’, then type an angle bracket pointing right.
Next you type the text you want blockquoted.
Finally you type the word ‘blockquote’ again within the angel brackets as above, except this time you put a forward slash between the first angle bracket and the letter ‘b’.
Simples.
I want angel brackets! Bet they’d hold up shelves great… much better than the chavs I’ve got doing it now.
And it’s not just the train drivers who need to look out…
The people’s resistance to the BBC…
http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/2009/08/die-you-stinking-lying-offal.html
[blockquote]THESE SO CALLED PEOPLE[/blockquote]
Thank God someone’s finally speaking out against the scandal of packs of squirrels massing in London Underground uniforms and claiming wages as train drivers.
Grey squirrels, as well. Bloody immigrants.
[blockquote]I DID IT!!!![/lockquote]
I reserve the right to shout “fecking frog’s fanny” at 120dB if this is wrong!
[blockquote]I reserve the right to shout “fecking frog’s fanny” at 120dB if this is wrong![/blockquote]
Missed a “b”.
Ugger.
I’m off for a cry.
It’s pointy brackets you want, not the square variety.
If the above works I will become Mrs Mandroid!
OH DEEP JOY!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m sorry, it’s never happened to me before. I’ve just been quite stressed recently that’s all.
There’s a fine selection of snail snatches responding to the Register article about banning the use of image manipulation in advertising:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/05/lib_dem_airbrushing_outcry/comments/#c_554052
Is there a tag for pointless references to dystopian fiction yet? I’ll start the ball rolling: “Orwell dribblers”
I think I’m going to take a day off tomorrow and mug Bb (I’ll fucking feel like it, if I have to go to Romford.
It would appear that Facebook fuckwittery is as catching as that of the HYS variety.
All powerful unions reps are indeed a growing problem. And yet if you stop Bob Crow in the Piccadilly Circus station Gents and yell “WHERE’S MY COMPENSATION YOU OMNIPOTENT PRICK?” he doesn’t even give you the time of day. Fact.
I can just imagine that lefty anarchist and all-round non-cunt Alan Moore will be just overjoyed at having his work appropriated by the HYS fucktarderati. Fucking idiots.
Take this:
Next – adopt a slightly camp & incredulous voice and say it out loud like this.
I don’t know anyone!
That God!
A payrise?
Are these so called people for real?
It’s been so long since Bb actually saw a train that he think they’re still steam powered. Stuffing whatever he wants stuffed (his compensation, by the sounds of it – how generous) in a modern train will make less smoke, more horrible spluttering and fumes. Then smoke, maybe.
For the blockquote martyrs: Add this to your bookmarks. Type whatveer, select it, then click on the bookmark (which is the js below), and tada.
I’ll have to check if this code gets messed up when posting to here.
javascript: function surroundAtCursor(){
var ta = document.getElementById('comment'), sel, tagChoice;
if (!ta) {
return;
}
tagChoice = prompt('Which tag?', 'blockquote');
if (!tagChoice) {
return;
}
if (document.selection) {
ta.focus();
sel = document.selection.createRange();
sel.text = '' + sel.text + '';
}
else
if (!ta.selectionStart || !ta.selectionStart) {
var startPos = ta.selectionStart;
var endPos = ta.selectionEnd;
ta.value = ta.value.substring(0, startPos) + '' + ta.value.substring(endPos, ta.value.length) + '';
}
else {
ta.value += myValue;
}
};
surroundAtCursor();
Code seems to have survived posting.
One caveat. It is not designed to work on any site other than this, or perhaps any other site other than a “wordpress” site. Also only tried it in Firefox and Opera.
Taking by geek tech hat off now.
Should have said, you need the “javascript: ” bit as well; it’s not just a label for making the code clear; it’s part of the code itself.
Locking my geeky tech hat in the cupboard now.
Perhaps we should start a sweep on which book is going to return for real next?
I’m going for Crime and Punishment.
If there’s one HYS cliche that makes me really angry, it is the trite phrase “so called”. Popular examples are, of course, ‘so called scientists’ and ‘so called public servants’. And I’ve seen HYSers squirt bile about ‘so called entertainers’, ‘so called freedom fighters’, ‘so called liberals’ etc etc etc
But what the dribbling fuck is a ‘so called person’?
(Unless he’s referring to the alien lizard overlords who adopt the appearance of people in order to rule the world and drive Virgin commuter trains. (Tchah, “so called” alien lizard overlords, more like.))
Ooooh I like that. A lot. How about The Craparazzi aswell?
I’d never use the term ‘so-called’, ‘soi-disant’ is far more satisfyingly pretentious.
@funny peculiar
‘craparazzi’ must surely be the collective noun for Daily Mail (spit) soi-disant journalists.
twatbasketistas?
What about Cuntoscenti? Or does it have too much of a ring of positivity to it?
Ooooh, ooh, PLEASE make it The Magical Faraway Tree!
Incidentally, why the fuck is Bb from Romford getting 6 buses and trains to work everyday? I’d become a ranting loon if I had to do that too. Or indeed, had to live in Romford (badum tssh). Where does he bloody work that necessitates such a huge amount and variety of transport – Lithuania? MOVE NEARER TO WORK, YOU TWATBASKET! And then use your free time learning how to spell, punctuate, make coherent sense, not use cliches… aaaand above all, how to turns capslock off.
PS Can I be the first to extend my warmest congratulations to Paranoid Mandroid and Ceannair on their betrothal? It will make such a lovely chapter in ‘They Spoke Their Branes’. Our first SYB wedding (girly squeal) – I’m buying a hat at the weekend! OMG!11eleven!!!!!1!!ONE!!!!!!!111111111!
However, by announcing a desire to be Mrs Mandroid, I now need to know if Ceannair is a womyn, like wot I is, or a gay homosexual, desirous of performing many rugged and passionate homosexual practices with his intended. And if so, can I get a recording? Am bereft without my Tom of Finland books.
The code I posted before got altered by posting, and makes me look crap at a large part of what I do for a living: Cue Bad workman, tools, blah, blah.
javascript: function surroundAtCursor(){
var ta = document.getElementById('comment'), sel, tagChoice;
if (!ta) {
return;
}
tagChoice = prompt('Which tag?', 'blockquote');
if (!tagChoice) {
return;
}
if (document.selection) {
ta.focus();
sel = document.selection.createRange();
sel.text = '<' + tagChoice + '>' + sel.text + '</' + tagChoice + '>';
}
else
if (!ta.selectionStart || !ta.selectionStart) {
var startPos = ta.selectionStart;
var endPos = ta.selectionEnd;
ta.value = ta.value.substring(0, startPos) + '<' + tagChoice + '>' + ta.value.substring(endPos, ta.value.length) + '<' + tagChoice + '>';
}
else {
ta.value += myValue;
}
};
surroundAtCursor();
That’s o.k. I don’t smoke trains.
{squeak} {abracadabra — {} __ } squiggle wiggle double dot }}}}}//\\??
{llanfairpwllgwyngychgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch} ///mb.mbe.cdm\\\
Has it worked?
A person who is a specialist in a particular area but has a different opinion than a HYS commenter, so in an attempt to discredit the person and make their completely uneducated ideas/knee-jerk reactions seem superior they try down play whatever qualifications the person has.
I learnt that in my ‘Blog & Internet Discussion Studies’ course at the university of Scarborough.
I also learnt the majority of internet users have the intellect of a bag of horse scrotums.
So when he says
do you think he meant
Just wondering…
@Ye Gods
Just sprayed Grolsch all over my keyboard thanks to you!!
Alan Moore is only a mostly-round non-cunt, what with his wimminz being a bit rubbish at times, but he is as you say not exactly HYS-compatible. For some reason I initially read the comment as seeming to believe that V for Vendetta was by Orwell anyway, which I would like to be able to dismiss as obviously untrue but there aren’t a vast number of assumptions you can really make about HYS posters’ basic levels of knowledge.
I know fuck-all myself, obviously, but it’s a normal functional level of ignorance that doesn’t make people’s eyes bleed in horror. So that’s OK.
@Simon – please, please stop, you’re giving me a migraine. It’s like the web from 1995 Returns For Real.
Anyway, some choices for so called books to RFR!!!
10) The Time Machine Returns for Real
9) A la Recherche des Temps Perdu Retournent Vraiment
7) The Return of the Native Returns for Real
6) The Lost World Returns for Real
5) Okay, you get the idea. This is pretty weak and getting tedious now.
Arse – bloody smiley instead of 8+right bracket again
Simon – please help!
“a bag of horse scrotums” ??
Do you mean scrota ?
I’m disappointed by the lack of novelty guest twatbasket on this thread thus far. But Bb of Romford is such a massive manatee’s minge by himself that it hardly matters.
Bad Sandwich Idea: Camembert, capers and carpet.
@DrFeelgood: Not everyone knows HTML: Just trying to so-call help.
Which got me to turdsputing this. A bit like the twat-o-tron: My algorithm* to model a HYSista® Brane:
if(person typeof ‘mooslim’){
character = [terrorist, criminal];
}
elseif(person typeof ‘duskyOrDark’){
character = [criminal, drugDealer];
}
elseif(person typeof bnp){
charcter = [british, theQueen, churchill];
}
It’s only a prototype, but I reckon it’s 95% there. I think I’ll send that to the MoD for their new killer robots.
@RomfordLatinScholar: I reckon it’s scroti.
* Another Arabic word, Geezah.
Some more suggestions…
4) The Dark Knight Returns Returns for Real
3) The Return of Sherlock Holmes Returns for Real
2) Topsy and Tim Go To The Zoo Returns For Real
1) Couldn’t think of any more
Book idea: The Flopsy Bunnies Ruturn For Real.
From that Register article.
A LibDem (therefore Nazi collaborator) MP says that the airbrushing of models in children’s ad is a bad thing and would like it banned. Big deal. So we go from that to “England is continuing the Islamization Process” and “Time for V for Vendetta for real”.
It’s not just me, is it? That is the logic this dick is using?
That Chilli I Had Yesterday Returns For Real.
Oh, and Ceannair, although the ability to blockquote is undoubtedly a useful quality in a husband, I can’t help but feel you’re setting the bar a little too low.
But saying that, if it means I can have a stag weekend in Riga, I’m all yours baby!
God, sometimes reading through this site, seeing things quoted, and, to be fair, reading some SYB posts, well…
…it makes me feel like I’m searching for shit in a sea of shit, with the only thing I can eat being shit sandwiches, or drinking someone else’s diarrhoea – then being told the only place I can actually take a shit is on the last remaining copy of “On Liberty”. And then I have to let Melanie Phillips rim me instead of wiping my arse.
It’s so fucking depressing.
Now I know why German trains are always on time.
As soon as train services are disrupted, people turn into raving lunatic Nazis.
No chance the corrupt lefty liberal BBCista PC brigade moderator agenda would allow the so-called golliwog connection. And do one.
@ Simon
Why use
when you could just do
instead? (except using angles instead of squares of course)
@Dr Feelgood
8 + ) gets turned into a smiley by the website code. The only way to avoid it would be to put something that displays right, but isn’t literally “8″ followed by “)”.
This is 8<i></i>):
8)
@Simon
Your new-version code still doesn’t work on my Firefox 3.5.2 – it just enters 2 blockquote tags in the textarea. One obvious problem is that your code doesn’t end the “tagChoice” tag after the selection, but repeats it; you would need an extra ‘/’. As for a final fix, I am working on a correct version now.
@millie returns for eel
Simon (and I) are prepared to work for hours on something that will save 5 seconds every time it’s done. It’s not what you’d call a rational use of time!
@Simon
Also: you use a variable “myValue” without setting it. What’s that about?
@Chris – a bit like this?
http://www.rathergood.com/demon
Hm, just tried to post an updated blockquote thing and it got swallowed?
Dammit! Second try got swallowed too.
Well, here’s a blog entry that gives the instructions: http://lifethefinalfrontier.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B0B472C186FA9E4D!308.entry
GAHHH, thanks WordPress (and Windows Live Spaces). Here’s a link that should actually work.
Blimey you don;t look at SYB for 24 hours and suddenly its Web Design for Dummies…
Thanks Ed.
After revisiting my code, it was a little “Alpha”. That’s for making an RC1.
@Millie Return For Eel: Not everyone knows HTML (why should they?), and everyone who tries, fucks up blockquotes and other tags from time to time, me included.
@markie126: That, I think, ends Module 1 of Web Design for Dummies: A One Module Course.
If trains didn’t have drivers they couldn’t go on strike.
There is no technological reason trains need them – it would be relatively easy to have the whole system centrally computerised. This would also mean a single carriage unit every few minutes rather than a 6 carriage train in half an hour & they could run 24/7.
How about
1) Watership Down Returns for Real
or
1) Tarka the Otter Returns for Real
@Simon
You’re right. Scroti.
Curses! O-Level Latin and I still cannot get a simple plural right!
@Setle down class Professor Craig’s here
Heaven forfend. On at least one of the striking lines the level crossings are closed to vehicles for forty minutes every hour as it is.
“There is no technological reason trains need them – it would be relatively easy to have the whole system centrally computerised. This would also mean a single carriage unit every few minutes rather than a 6 carriage train in half an hour & they could run 24/7.”
Cleary he has never been on the nightmare that is the Toytown Railway aka the DLR.
Clearly.
Arsewipes.
Snails are hermaphrodites that reproduce by actually no let’s not.
On the subject of blockquotes, you want:
<blockquote> this </blockquote>
I didn’t think that snails had snatches either, but that was before I encountered Mr Tripper.
@ dirigible
“On the subject of blockquotes, you want:
”
I’m impressed.
@ Mr Poo
Exactly like that. I don’t even need to click on the link, either, because it’s still etched in my brain from last time.
By pure coincidence though, the biggest turd in the bowl turned up a few posts down.
[blockquote] testing [/blockquote]
fuck i hope that worked
now i feel stupid. ):
{blockquote} BLOCKQUOTE {/blockquote
this is failing horribly
{blockquote} last attempt {/blockquote}
right last try.
SWEET SUCESESSS
Except a failure on so many other levels.
Right, I don’t do this very often, but I’m now going to lose my temper.
This is an announcement that I and my entire crew and I (including La Spesh, but she’s going to use an old broom handle) are going to repeatedly sodomise the next person who posts advice on coding, until the aforesaid person is dead (but happy).
Go and find an appropriate forum/IRC channel to have your highly technical discussion OK?
“going to repeatedly sodomise the next person who posts advice on coding”
I think that depends on the recipient having an attachment to match yours.
Nearly, please go and inhale carbon monoxide.
Pete, do you mean advice such as is contained on this page, or something else? Also, will you promise not to use any lubricant?
Scrotums or scroti, both are valid. I think the scrotum has been sufficiently assimilated into our culture to be able to use an English plural if it so wishes. Or just abandon this pseudo-medical terminology and call a ballsack a ballsack.
So. Clitorises or clitorides? I think we should decide with swearing and death threats.
Do clitorii come in pairs?
You’re thinking of tits.
So am I, most of the time.
Maybe they do in species with two penises/penes? Anyone fancy Googling it? I don’t think I could stand the excitement.
Deny him the oxygen of oxygen.