Take a look at this comment on a post on the porn industry and condoms. It’s a masterpiece of twists, turns and key-changes. Starting off sensible, it then slips in and out of laughably unworkable authoritarianism and classic smug HYS elf-and-safety jokes. Or does it? Where does the madness end and the tedious pisstaking sanity begin?
comment by pagar
Well done, Neil. It’s about time someone highlighted the issues around Health and Safety in the bedroom.With the teenage pregnancy rate, the Aids epidemic, genital warts etc, it is clear the vast sums of money the Government are spending on telling us how to have sex safely is not working. It would seem that many people can never be trusted to know what’s good for them. Especially after binge drinking.
Surely it is time to make the act of having sex without a condom a criminal offence. This would eliminate STD’s at a stroke and in time would help to solve the problem of over population. (Those wishing to procreate would have to apply for a “bareback licence” from their local authority renewable after a year and priced at say £50 to cover the admin).
Repeat offenders could have CCTV installed in their bedrooms and/or have their genitals electronically tagged.
So what I am saying is, Neil, once you’ve successfully clamped down on the Californian porn industry, there’s a big job to do at home.
Well I for one am stumped.
32 Responses to “Seamless”
Never mind Alex – they do say size doesn’t matter…
Beautiful. I want the admin’s job – nobody’s ever paid to cover me. And as for eliminating STDs at a stroke….
pagar wouldn’t survive on HYS though, what with all that punctuation and stuff.
What do genital warts look like by the way? No particular reason, just curious..
and we should come down hard on anyone who fails to respect civic authority in the UK bedroom. And not just some little PC slap on the wrist. A uniformed representative of the law should take their little knickers down and then they should be spanked. Again and again and again and agauuuhuhhuuuhhhhhhh…. *cough*… erm… That’ll teach them to not get up to any dirty funny stuff.
Pagar means “fence” in Indonesian.
You’re welcome.
Pagar means “to pay” in Portuguese.
£50 please.
I think pagar really likes his porn and really hates liberalism.
You’ve been pwned from beginning to end. Time for a holiday Alex.
Dear Gagger, self-righteous, knee-jerking over-confidence is better served at HYS. If you like S-R, K-J O-C so much, why don’t you go live there?
Or, alternatively you could read his post?
presumably there’s a whole porn sub-genre waiting to be made just from filming the big job at home
The tedious pisstaking sanity starts at the beginning and carries on from there. The whole thing’s a dull joke. Someone prod Neil Craig, we need a refuel.
@random punter
The question “what do genital warts look like?” can be answered quite simply by going to the wikipedia page on genital warts, viz: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genital_wart which has many pictures for your viewing pleasure.
As a subtle hint, the answer is “you probably don’t want to know, and even if you think you do, you don’t, really, trust me on this.”
On the other hand, they look a bit like what I imagine the inside of Joy from Rolle’s head looks like. And quite a lot like Neil Craig’s face.
The only possible reason I can imagine for electronic tagging of genitals is to set off airport security and provide for some pre-flight exhibitionism.
A Nun
You should read mine, or Pobs.
Love the site BTW. This one got through though.
Personally, I thought it was obvious Alex took this to be a pisstake. If I’m right.
I really don’t think it merits calling Neily back – can’t we just leave him where he is, posting every now and then on the dead threads? He’s very happy there.
What we need is a wholly new HYSer: one with a bit of real wit and intelligence who can genuinely challenge us, and even, yes, even make us laugh every now and then (with, not at). Someone with whom we can cross swords honourably, in other words.
*sigh* If only such a contradictory being were capable of existing in this boringly linear world…
“This would eliminate STD’s at a stroke”
Genius
Then this would be just another debating blog. No thanks. However an occasional Guest HYSer would be good.
You see, now I’m debating. Shit!!
From the actual article:
What’s baffling, exactly?
Condom ‘optional’ in porn idustry. Good thing or bad thing?
Interesting point. I don’t know. We need a mass debate to sort this out.
Pass me my coat, please.
Can I be a guest HYS’er, please!
testing testing one two three
Your raincoat?
I will be as computer savvy as Nelson before too long, see the BNP are not thick!!!
Hmm, let’s see. Errant apostrophe, check. Missing question mark, check. Looking good. Oh dear, what’s this: Correct usage of a comma. Fuck off John, you are an Obamanation.
Yes, it is – and I just quoted your text using this funky text-quoting widget!
wow, you are a few steps ahead of me!
looking at this elf n safety in the bedroom dept, do I have to do a COSHE assessment on my manjuice next time I poke the missus?
If I have sex on the chandeliers, do we have to wear a safety harness?
If I tug at home when she’s out do I have to get a lone working permit?
It’s political correctness gone mad! Fact.
Soft government, drugs, irresponsibility, self-proclaiming, evil oil industry, stupid women, pregnancy, and benefits!
Nigel of Portsmouth must have one hell of a sticky keyboard now.
I think it’s a bit unfair to have a go at this one. He’s actually laced all of that with irony to make a decent point.
Shocking.
@Chris.
I don’t know the details, Chris, but she’s going to prison for a long time, I think. The Laos authorities would not look too kindly on other British miscreants if she were let out early. So by the time she gets out, her one child won’t be that young, so she’ll probably only get a 3-bed house.
The simple, ageless joy of a big poo.
If I apply for a bareback licence and don’t use it within a year can I claim the money back. Maybe a rebate against my council tax?
That third paragraph caught me mid-yawn, and now my jaw is stuck wide open.
I think I was at the GP the other day getting some ointment and this lady was there muttering to herself
So I told her I was forrin and I do it bareback from space with a pig and a sheep watching and children and also a GP had an injection but gave it to a terrorist instead so. Maybe it’s the queen haven’t seen her for a while or Gordon Brown let get them but they get them
(Like a dance off but a war of words)
i think you will find that pagar actually has a large amount of definitions.
pay
defray
give
pay out
pay up
remunerate
repay
shell out
spend
unrip
acquit
settle
satisfy
rip up
reward
return
retort
requite
I think satisfy is the least likely option.