Plain Weird and Shit Sherlocks12 Aug 2009 02:09 pm
By Alex
Bee keeping needs to be done by people who know what they are doing, not just on a whim.
Janet
Bollocks. I mean what exactly do you need for beekeeping? Honey, paintbrush and a good solid bucket to keep the buggers in. Maybe some newspaper down if they’re not housetrained.
49 Responses to “On a Whim”
Honey? What do you need honey for? That’s why I’ve got the bees in the first place.
Thanks for making an already complex new hobby even more confusing .
Orinoco says hives are better than whims for keeping bees.
Sorry Alex. We did try to provide a topic in which teh stupidz couldn’t possibly make crap jokes about Gordon Brown or whinge about tax.
Epic fail.
i.e. WASPs.
I was given a hive of bees for Christmas but had to dump them on the motorway after 2 weeks ‘cos they refused to do tricks – on reflection I didn’t know what I was doing.
Could you not have put them in a Coke bottle and made a cheap “credit crunch” vibrator ?
I’ll get me pashmina.
I’ve tried keeping bees on a whim, they stayed for a bit but they kept flying off.
Bees are whimsical about whims.
If I’m right maybe dont know
Sure enough….
And one from an old favourite
Its a goddam Nuliebor conspiracy to wipe out the indigenous bee population by encouraging human reproduction.
Next thing we know they’ll be letting in millions of imigrunt bees who make honey for next to nothing!
It’s already happened: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1523845/Super-bee-invasion-has-sting-in-the-tail-for-native-species.html
And no, I don’t think this is a joke: I’ve had a look at his previous posts.
SUBJECT: Tea or coffee?
POST: When will NuLiarBore end the extortionate taxes on tea. I will not pay my hard-earned money for *Indian* tea. I for one will stick to English tap water.
I do understand the need but I would never leave the house I am terrified of them sorry!!!!!!!
LYDIA REID, EDINBURGH Don’t mention Christianity or the HEFA Bill
Probably don’t mention bees then either. haven’t we heard her brain farts before?
Sorry, that should be: “I for one will stick to English water that I’ve collected in buckets from my drainpipes.”
Why does everyone want to ‘keep’ these animals. Bees should be free to do as they want. Keeping thousands of bees in one place such as a horribly overcrowded hive is probably the cause of bee disease. Besides, there’s plenty of honey in the supermarkets if that’s what people want.
L A Odicean, Lower Sidcup
Would somebody please think of the bees.
The top-rated comment in that thread has a lovely spelling mistake. Think about it for a second:
Does she mean hepatitis-Bee?
Damn, meant to use an alias for that.
Very true, I use the “Kadir Buxton bee keeping method myself, but it can be very painful if you get it wrong.
@My Foot Hurts.
Don’t bother trying to get your coat. It’s already been sent away in a taxi. Kindly report for recycling.
What did bees do before they were enslaved by WASPS? Probably just sat around in their council hives signing on for dole honey every two weeks.
Lazy bastards.
In other words, beehive yourself.
I’ll share a taxi with My Foot Hurts.
Topics running dry indeed,
i got a beehive
Get box.
Put bees in box.
Try to look after bees without knowing what the fuck you’re doing.
Bees all die.
That’s all she was saying. And she was right.
prophylactic shock??? bees wearing condoms???
I had to think about that before remembering it’s “anaphylactic” she’s thinking of. But it’s still not as good as the “cops” typo above!
Hi Neil. Your time’s up mate. Your 15 minutes as SYB’s most revered loon are over. You’ve been out loonied. Once upon a time your delusions seemed to us a vast and complex edifice of fantastic size and impossibility; An epic Gormenghast built in the rainbow clouds of La-La-Land. But it has just been over-shadowed by a truly staggering giant of the internet’s lunatic fringe and your efforts suddenly look like a feeble sandcastle built by a bored four year old. Global Nazi Conspiracy? Pfff! Fascist cabal at the BBC? Pah!
I bet Edward Heath never tried to assassinate you when you were twelve, did he? I bet you can’t cure psychopaths with one blow, can you? Tchah! You haven’t even got a fully designed machine for reversing global warming and curing Altzhiemers. Give it up, Neil, you are yesterday’s man. You have lost the internet.
Google beekeeping.
Acquire bees.
Success!
See? That wasn’t so difficult!
I’ll give you a B+ for your efforts, Mim. But be careful, some hives are known to sing the 80s ballad Roxanne at all hours of the day and night. It doesn’t happen with all types of Bees, generally only the ones with a Beesting.
And now I shall make a beeline for my coat and buzz off.
“My friend the bumble, they fly about from plant to plant, collecting the nectar, they mind there own business, and make something really yummy, which you can have on toast to fill your tummy.
Thumbs up for the bumble.
Guy Flowers, Sheffield, United Kingdom
Recommended by 1 person”
+1 Bees just get on with running their small manufacturing business instead of dabbling in complex financial instruments. I think we should be grateful for their sound judgement and high ethical standards.
Ah, so that explains the introduction of the Extra Large to the UK shores! It’s not to boost morale at all, it’s for the bees!
Is a “beesting” some sort of sexual encounter in a hive?
Time for the righteous rule of the Bee-NP, methinks.
(Coat, taxi etc)
Outlandos d’Amour was 70s, shurely?
I like this one. It has a charming simplicity to it. And in a similar vein:
Was this written by a six year old? “My mum says I should not keep bees in my socks because that is very very daft.”
All of my bees are kept in daft places.
I like bees.
I’ll get my cloak, woudst thou hail for me a transport to convey me elsewhere?
@My Foot Hurts
If you want to get away from the Hepatitis Bee, just jump into the Hepatitis Sea!
TAXI!
Typical of the biased Bee Bee. See?
Sorry – forgot to pick up my coat.
As bad as these bee puns are, none are as excrutiating as Stephen Fry’s in the Direct Line advert. For shame Stephen, for shame…
Two guys are sitting in a bar. One asks the other, ‘So what are your
hobbies?’
‘Me? I keep bees.’
‘Bees, huh? How many have you got?’
‘About fifty-thousand.’
‘You’ve got fifty-thousand bees? But you live in a small apartment…
Where the hell do you keep them all?’
‘In a shoebox, in my closet.’
‘A shoebox? You keep fifty-thousand bees in a shoebox?’
The beekeeper nods.
‘Fuck ‘em.’
This is the most voted comment on a Daily Mail Swine Flu Jabs Hysteria Stoker. Nowhere in the article does it mention any plans for compulsory jabs in any way. Now watch this dick as his paranoid fantasy spirals off, dragging his self-righteous anger with it. And of course, it’s all Puppet Gordon’s doing.
@Dean Yaeger
I’d get you your coat, but then you wouldn’t be around to explain to me what the hell you’re talking about.
I’m afraid Janet’s right. I tried keeping a bee last night but it died.
Derek, I called it.
ISIHAC:
That sounds like the start of the worst ‘niche’ porno ever.
It is – I’ve seen it.