Only the BBC could ask such a really stupid question.
The man was ‘elected’ through vote rigging!
What a suprise Ali Khamenei ‘endorses’ the winner. May the revolution in Iran continue until this despotic and thoroughly undemocratic shower are booted out!I loathe NuLab, They know the price of everything and the value of NOTHING!!, United Kingdom
Sorry I loathe NuLab, could I have a quick word with you in private? I just thought I should point out to you that this isn’t the BBC’s actual opinion. This is just a provocative statement to stimulate discussion. No, no, it’s a bit different to PC. Let me put it a different way: this question made you angry, didn’t it? And because you were angry, you wanted to say something. That’s the BBC’s idea. It wants you and people like you to disagree because it gets more comments. That way it can pretend it gives a shit about what dull-witted racists think without having to skew its editorial line towards their half-baked bollocks opinions. Yes, like with… no, no not quite like that… LOOK! For FUCK’s sake! You know what they say about ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer? WELL UNLESS IT ASKS A STUPID QUESTION, HOW DO YOU EXPECT THE BBC TO GET ITS STUPID ANSWERS!? Jesus.
These next two twats obviously know each other. From the internet.
Good old Western hypocrisy !
[Secratariat], Liverpool, United Kingdom
You know what’s hypocritical Ben? Signing off with that and siding with despotic mullahs while you chose to live in Liverpool instead of Tehran.
Bill Grant, New York, United States
This is probably the most eloquent iylismwdyglt I’ve ever seen. Congratulations Bill. You’re a thick cunt with a silver tongue.
116 Responses to “Taking the Bait”
well if Bill likes Liverpool so much why doesn’t he go and live there!
What the fuck does Little Weed think? That’s what I want to know.
I’ve been to Liverpool and it was shit.
City of Culture? City of slappers, more like. All with their tits out, I couldn’t move for boobs. And that was just the blokes.
That Yossi Benayoun is a good player, though.
I understand why he’s put “elected” in quotation marks, but why’s he put “endorsed” in there? Does he think Khamenei’s being ironic?
Liverpool, full of catholics that go to confession on Sunday and steal your car on Monday. Hull, that’s a town for REAL men. Put the GREAT back in Britain.
I speak as a former resident of said “fair” city of Liverpool.
I went back last week for a look after a couple of years.
Still rubbish and full of no-marks who need a job.
John – actually they steal your car WHILST they’re in confession.
One in – one on the rob.
Jesus H christ.
Yes?
Can Mohammad come out to play?
NO! He’s a very naughty boy!!
It might not be a choice, Bill. You ever tried to get a visa to Iran? It’s a proper bugger I can tell you. (Yes, this entire post was so I could name drop the fact that I got refused an entry visa to Iran when I was a guitar-carrying, beardie drop-out. As rewengy, while sitting at the Turkish-Iranian border, my mate played Roy Harper’s ‘Black Cloud of Islam’, very very quietly. Ha! That showed ‘em.)
I thought the whole point of this blog was to poke fun at knee-jerk prejudice based on self-replicating no-think? Or is this comments section just incredibly meta?
God wont let Jesus come out to play, last time he did the Jews crucified him.
I advently went to church once. I popped open my flaps and dropped little pieces of strange brown stuff all over the aisle. The vicar was not best pleased.
Red, if you think we’re all a fetid pile of twatbaskets just come out and say so
On the other hand, it’s not always wise to insult an Illuminati-esque group of people who all work for the propaganda arm of the government aka the BBC. First come the midnight mobile phone calls…
I like liverpool so much I married a scouser, but chose to live in London. I also think Bill Grant is a fuckwit and a cunt. Does that make me a mullah?
(Has anyone ever pointed-out to Secratariat that the word is spelt Secretariat?)
Red, if you think we’re all a fetid pile of twatbaskets just come out and say so
On the other hand, it’s not always wise to insult an Illuminati-esque group of people who all work for the propaganda arm of the government aka the BBC. First come the midnight mobile phone calls…
Be afraid Chris Ready, aka RED, they are watching you!
Oh noes! I am scareds!
WHAT?! THE INTERNET WANTS MY OPINION?!
@George, you know what, the interwebs do want your opinion, just as much as the new fully endorsed Iranian Government would like your opinion-hey lets all have an opinion, I’m going with anything Christine Oliver says as her opinions always count-FACT
I’ve never been to Liverpool, I don’t know where it is.
Where’s fucko the clown when we need him?
Is IloatheNuLab saying he lives somewhere called ‘They know the price of everything and the value of NOTHING!!’ or am I just not getting the razor-witted satire contained within his signature?
Razor-sharp, I should say.
“Thick cunt with a silver tongue” sounds like something I’d like to buy in Coco de Mer.
Guardianistan- I know a bloke who lives there and he said that secratariat is an illiterate cunt.
Shit, I knew I should have left Thou Shalt Not be a Twatbasket in those commandments but I let that bastard Moses (Canaan not Palestine) talk me out of it.
Fuck, they can all burn in Hell anyway, that’s the great thing about being omnipotent. I said ‘omnipotent’.
Only the BBC would ask such a really stupid question but it takes a really thick cunt to answer.
This is my first comment here but I thought that needed saying.
He’s got a good point there; the global health infrastructure had this huge girly hissy fit about Bird Flu and went round really really trying to stop it and trying to make us scared and desperately preventing epidemics becoming pandemics with vaccinations and anti-biotics and shit… but in the end… NOTHING HAPPENED!!!
So why the fuck are they having a hissy fit about Swine Flu? Do they think we are stupid? Nothing happened. We saw… NOTHING HAPPENED!!! And now you want to con me into wasting my minimum bracket taxes on ANOTHER flu scare! Dur! Hello?
You know I sometimes think these ‘so called’ medical professionals must be very very stupid people. I know pracitcally nothing about contagious viruses, but it is obvious to me that this is a tax scam.
I find that when people pose questions about insanely complex problems I know absolutely nothing about, the best strategy is alyways to keep my mouth shut… even if it is a liberal, and rather pert, one…
pert… mmmmmmm
It’s better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
- Some chap – Mark Twain?
(That’s a question mark because I’m not sure; it’s not part of his name.)
@ Guardianistan
I rather like the idea of being as witty as a razor.
… as then I would be able to produce funnier posts
@Sarah – hope it’s less scary-looking than those giant wooden things…
*sigh* I really should go to bed…)
The Daily Mail has an article which claims there is a residential street in Tunbridge Wells signed as ‘St Johns Close’ (which lacks an apostrophe). Shock! Horror! Some old resident has painted in the missing punctuation mark and caused ‘a stir’. (hold the fucking front page, why don’t you?)
The comments section has turned into an Eats Shoots and Leaves wank-a-thon. There are 280 comments peppered with “Well done, Sir!” and “Full marks, that man!”
ad tedium
Quite sweet that “ann cleaves” pluralised “Stefan” with an apostrophe. Top tip: plurals don’t have apostrophes, ever. If the singular word ends with “s”, you still add “es” on the end. For instance, if the plural of Jesus isn’t Jesi (as some say), it will be Jesuses. No apostrophes.
This comic shows the best way to deal with fools: laconic mockery.
We need more of Stefan’s what exactly? And more than one Jesus?! When the fk did that happen?!
To be fair, I would want to paint an apostrophe in too. In my defence, I wouldn’t have harped on about it on HYS as though it signalled the end of Western civilisation as we know it.
PS Plural Jesuseseseseses? What are you on about – everyone knows there is only one Lord and Saviour, etc., etc.
No, it was when my personality split and I ended up both in heaven and in New Zealand. Hey, there’s a reason they call this place Godzone, you know.
He’s right. Look at the evidence: we even do blockquotes the same way.
Although I think they call it Godzone because this place is fucking 1000 miles from anywhere else, the nearest place is Australia, and they’re trying to make themselves feel better about just being a less populous, compact version of Europe with expensive phone calls and cheap fruit.
And more racists. It might not seem possible, but there are more racists per square km here in NZ than there are in Hackney.
I find the appropriate place for an apostrophe is shoved up any daily mail readers arse along with the rest of the rolled up sunday supplement.
@I wasn’t even a massive fan of old Labour
I’ve seen what you’ve done there you Nuliebour BCC self referencing fascist:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8206280.stm
Blockquotes and url link on first go!!! Back of the net…
BBC damit
Hubris.
Nemesis.
@ Daily Mail Readership
Earls Court – go to it.
Ah this reminiscing brings me back to tale of my youth.
One scallywag I shared a classroom with wrote “your fat” on my book.
Quoth I, “my fat what ?”
Said jailbait and future single mother of 6, “huh ?”
Ten minutes of trying to get over the meanings of “you’re” and “your” and I gave up with a migraine!
Never try to argue with the mentally ill-equipped!
By the way I’ve missed off loads of full stops (not periods) as I can never figure out where they go when using quotes! (I blame ZooNeoLeahBowie or whatever)……
Indeed, but what if that group of like-named individuals also own a collection of, say, child porn mags?
If the mags were owned by the singular Mr Christ, then it would be Jesus’s collection of child porn. Correct? But for the group ownership, Jesuses’ child porn?
I used that line in an outburst at the Tesco customer service desk. They laughed at me as well.
@alt-f4
Since you’re asking, it would be “Jesus’” – there’s no following apostrophe if the word ends in an ‘s’. If the group of Christ kiddy-fiddlers owned the mags, we’d be talking “the Jesuses’ mags” (or better still, “the mags of Messers Jesus” if you want to be all old timey, I reckon).
@Ceannair
Full stops and punctuation should go in the quotation marks if it’s something that is actually in the quote, outside if you added it.
Buy a copy of Fowler’s Modern English Usage if you want to know more, but ultimately, I couldn’t agree more with this:
You can find plenty of Jesuses, without causing any kind of theological meltdown, simply by visiting any Spanish-speaking country. As to whether they are kiddy-fiddlers, I suppose, statistically-speaking, that some of them probably are.
Pedantry is like a virus, isn’t it? And once you’ve caught it from some dirty mind, in this case pseudo-expert Daily Mail grammarians, you find yourself using the word ‘actually’ at the end of sentences.
To paraphrase ILoathe; grammar pedants (claim to) know the price of language, but have no idea of its value… actually.
Grammer pedants please note that by
I, obviously, meant
For this I can only apologise, and blame my inferior Antipodean upbringing.
The Daily Mail is the gift that keeps giving. The hypocrisy concerning media health scares in the opinion piece yesterday about ham CANCER is astounding.
If only the Jesu’ses could Return For Real and cure the ZaNuLiarbore preserved pork childhood cancer/obesity/flu/bad grammar epidemic (without any costly science conspiracies)…
I knew someone called Maggie, aka Mags, who, in her youth, had been a child porn star.
If she had gone out with someone called Jesus and you wanted to accurately attribute her magazine ownership the appropriate phrase would be:
You could’nt make it up.
@Dr Feelgood
If you were a real doctor then you might have come across this:
http://thedailymailoncologicalontologyproject.wordpress.com/
It’ll sort out all of your problems..
Damit “” after real
urm, by which i meant “/i” without the – arse
Arse!
A surprisingly perceptive assessment of how the BBC manage the news from Alex.
@SAR’sPD
Rest assured, as a real Interent “Doctor”, my scientist friend’s and me always consult the Daily Mail to find out whats going on in the world of medicine and stuff.
Sadly, the oncological ontology project seems to have died in January last year – no doubt the victim of a nasty neoplasm.
Shackleton wrote:
““Jesus’””
Sorry. I don’t have any point to make, just wanted to see what that looked like.
@ Dr Feelgood
Sorry to have doubted you. Also sorry for the out of date research. I felt it may explain a lot, but now I find myself an abnormal mass on this hallowed venture.
Should that not be:
Settle down class. Professor Craig’s here.
OR
Settle down class; Professor Craig’s here.
Though from the (wholly imaginary) class point of view,
“Oh shit the nutter’s back”.
Maybe it was dictated to a slightly deaf transcriber and meant to be: “Settle down class; Professor Craig’s ear.”
I admit that such a sentance doesn’t make any sense, but that would be true to his character and, if formatted into some garishly coloured and unreadable typeface, would sit well on his own blog.
@Ceann’air”
By “the nutter” don’t you mean “Mr Bronson”?
From the comments of the Daily Mail article posted by Dr. Feelgood:
For having read and believed every piece of pseudo-scientific vaccination scaremongering ever written, Paula, you are officially a putrid penguin’s poonani.
To be fair, I wouldn’t want to be injected with a ham sandwich.
Those imugrant doctors ingect OUR KIDS wiv chemicals.. thats sick
Just spat my tea over my keyboard, monitor and the unfortunate colleague sitting opposite me.
Of course there’s more than one.
I may not be as famous and in hindsight Pontious was an unfortunate choice of middle name but as far as I’m concerned the legend lives on.
Rosie, personally the one above did for me.
Though sadly it was not tea, it was Tomato and Basil Pasta Salad.
I’ll get me J Cloth.
Curse you, Pigsy, for making the ham sandwich-injection joke first! Can’t think of nuffink else to say; I’m feeling really unfunny this week
Ceannair, good luck with that. Shards of pasta are a bugger to get out of your keyboard.
I think people should display a cautionary note before writing something that could cause you to spit your tea/coffee/biscuits/Tomato and Basil Pasta Salad everywhere.
Such as:
*WARNING: Swallow before reading*
Sounds like a challenge I made my girlfriend whilst travelling down the A4.
Seems to me that someone who thinks that HYS is actually news would be the sort of person who thinks that wildly speculative theory and conjecture are actually facts.
Anyone who thought that must be a monstrously minging marmoset minge.
And there goes cup of tea # 2.
Does this tell us that the penguin is putrid, or that only its poonani is? Once you start with this pedantry lark, you have to be so frigging specific.
It worked then.
But don’t worry about cpital letters.
Please cut out this letter:
a
and paste it in the post above.
HYS has a new thread; “Is enough being done to tackle HIV?”
In response, you’ll be staggered to learn that the majority of HYS posters think the problem with the global HIV pandemic is due to… immigration. Here are two of the most popular posts. They make you proud to be a member of the human race.
I love his use of ‘probably’
It was, and it was a highly unfortunate choice of spelling, too.
Or, alternatively, you can take the ‘Neil Craig’ approach to HIV concerns. Again, these are from the most voted for posts…
Carlsberg don’t do lethal global epidemics, but if they did…
Brian Rainwash
B Rainwash
Brainwash
Do you get it you stupids? He is the only clever on teh internet!
Is the ‘Bob Beck protocol’ anything like the Kadir-Buxton method? Or anywhere near as effective?
@Bit Special AKA La Spesh
I do feel cursed now. My tape drive has died.
@Phil Arious, the ‘Bob Peck Protocol’ probably is like the Kadir-Buxton Hand Clap, but involves double fisting up the back end.
So, the cure for a psychotic with HIV would appear to be first beat him senseless and then electrocute him.
Isn’t that just the Jack Bauer method? It won’t cure you, but it will stop terrorists from doing a bad.
Still think the Kadir-Buxton method is the cure for nearly all problems. Except real ones, of course.
Bet he was furious when he realised he’d accidentally deleted ‘which wasn’t nearly enough for my liking’ before posting.
Yeah, what kind of namby-pamby scum gives a shit about other humans? Why, they don’t even LOOK like me! They practically deserve to die.
BTW, I don’t like hot drinks, but now Ceannair has boldly widened up the arena of what can be spat over one’s* keyboard with laughter, I feel a huge sense of relief.
PS @Pigsy – just wait till you see which spell I’ve got lined up for you next time you beat me to a punchline >:(
*Sorry.
I’m going to kill myself.
Betty BooHoo is a soul-less, callous vile verminous vicuna’s vagina. What a piece of shit.
Just made the mistake of looking at the “Is enough being done to tackle HIV?” on HYS.
I give up.
Guardianistan, please don’t kill yourself. Think of the children and kill Betty BooHoo instead.
It’s nice to see this site getting back to its core competencies viz. coining amusingly alliterative abuse involving animals’ naughty bits. Bravo.
Taking the fight to the HYSers will… only get you ignored.. shame
@Guardianistan – hope you’re in a happy place, if not don’t read on:
Immigrants to the UK should be checked for HIV before being given the right to remain & sent home if they are found to be infected. A high proportion of our HIV infection has been imported from Africa. British lives are being jeopordised for political correctness.
John Doe, United Kingdom
Recommended by 132 people
Festering Feline Fanny Flaps…
Typical of NuZanuLieBore, importing foriegn HIV at the expense of our, far better, British HIV.
You couldn’t make it up.
Putrescent Platypus Penile Part.
I remember good old British HIV – you got it as a present on Christmas Day, it didn’t require batteries and wouldn’t break before the Queen’s (gawrd bless er) speach. But, that was a simpler time…
Simple answer to all these HYS’ers moaning about immurgunt HIV spreading over here-stop shagging immugrunts.
@funnypeculiar
You know, after I posted that phrase I realised it was ambiguous and wondered if anyone would bother to point it out
Go Team Pedantry!
Rather than kill myself I’ve decided to fantasise about the likes of BettyBooHoo and John Doe being fed into big threshing machines. By asylum seekers. Gay asylum seekers.
With AIDS.
And houses next door to their mother’s that they’ve turned into crack dens and marijuana farms.
And undercutting her prices.
Anyway, I looked up Iran on my map and couldn’t find it. It’s been wiped off. Erased from the pages of history you might say.
We could use the same technologically advanced, Godless Librul techniques we used to find 1984RFR’s wife’s mobile number to track those dilapidated dingos’ danglybits down for the threshing, couldn’t we?
As discovered by Funny P;
“There’s been a cure for aids since 1993, known as the ‘Bob Beck protocol’, but the corporate media don’t want you to know that.”
Alex Jones is right, climate change is a scam
STOP. DEEP BREATH.
Someone has already harked back to the Kadir-Buxton method.
Which I shall now use to forget that, and post the reference anyway, feigning ignorance. Brain-twisty.
Sorry, but whilst the ‘I loathe NuLab’ is clearly a complete jerkoff, he express absolutely no racist sentiment.
Sorry, but whilst I loathe NuLab is clearly an utter jerkoff, he expresses absolutely no racist sentiment.
Here is “I loathe NuLab”‘s HYS comments list. Yes, the man is a fool, but he’s not a racist.
However, CFR, Alex’s point still stands: the Beeb provoke idiot comments (including racist idiot comments) in order to make them feel included.
“I loathe NuLab” is a HYS caricature. He might not be a racist but he doesn’t seem to like other people much. Some extracts from his various posts:-
“Anyone within the NuLab camp could fulfill that role me thinks…”
“…our very own Gordon Clown…”
“..thousands of immigrants are already on our shores piling into UK…”
“..Tony Bliar and Gordon Clown..”
He likes the thinking man’s BNP though;
“UKIP are the only party who offer the real change this nation really wants..”
Finally (and bizarrely);
“People used to call me Bod many years ago because I supposedly looked like the cartoon character.”
Does that sentence even need finishing?