What You Get If You Humour Them
By AlexBarack Obama and his uppity Harvard buddy have done the unthinkable: called a stupid racist a stupid racist for doing something stupid and racist. Bryan Lambert has everything you need to know. But can a mere beverage atone for such a crime?
Better beer than bombs.
Simon, Ibiza
You’re absolutely right, Simon. Beer is better than bombs, and the drone strikes on Sgt. Crowley’s home were a tad uncalled for.
Provided the participants agree on beer, that tool, in reasonable quantities used, surely is a better modus operandi for an amicable settlement than guns. Good luck to them and to their good health
joe sussmann, bucharest, Romania
What a refreshing point of view, you’ve reaffirmed my faith in internet commentary. Beer can be a better way to settle trivial personal disputes than guns, though of course only with the very specific caveats you mention.
Unfortunately the most recommended comments were not quite as enlightened as these two.
I feel bad for the officer. He was insulted for doing his job. Now he really has no choice but to sit down with the person who both insulted him and continues to look down on him. It’s hard to say no to the president, who’s just looking to cover his rear end.
Mark Bauder, Chicago, United States
It’s amazing the lengths HYSers will go to to sympathise with the white guy. I mean, the professor could be reading a book, or polishing his diplomas, or letting keen young grad students lean provocatively over his desk. And Obama could be wandering round continental Europe, watching zookeepers fall over themselves to name baby animals after him. Instead the two of them have to sit down for the evening with some officious little tosspiece who probably got a semi when he put the cuffs on. I know who I feel for, anyway.
Isn’t it a little demeaning offering a beer? Is the beer offer telling the world police have no culture and would not appreciate a fine wine or a 25 year single malt whiskey. Just another condescending view of the police by the elite.
[soldierret], Jackson, United States
Good point [soldierret], obviously there’s no way elitists like Gates and Obama could actually like something as proletarian as beer themselves. You’ve definitely isolated the vital issue in an urgently relevant story. Well done.
Identity politics again. Obama owes his position to it, so does Henry Louis Gates.
You owe all Americans a beer Obama. Pity we will be stuck with the bar tab.
[belezabot]
Intelligent Hating is so 2008. “It’s just about immigration” is about as out as wanking over Odin. It’s all “identity politics” in 2009. For the benefit of those behind the fashion, that means “Blacks and Muslims having stuff that should rightfully be reserved for White Christians”. Though fuck knows what all that beer and bar tab shite is about.
Mr Gates should have been prosecuted for being such a tool.
More Cowbell, Ny. Ny, United States
As well as biting commentary like this, More Cowbell knows all the latest internet catchphrases and has captioned over a thousand pictures of animals and celebrities. Keep watching this guy if you don’t want to miss out on one of America’s most insightful upcoming satirists.
90 Responses to “What You Get If You Humour Them”
beer… mmmm (oh and ‘first!’)
newsfact: black people can’t get prosecuted.
they’re also not allowed to be the bad guys anymore.a>
The angry.
“Alright brain, you don’t like me and I don’t like you.
So let’s just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer”
Homer Y Simpson (HYS get it? I am the clever now!)
Oh, look, there’s a comment from
Well, it might stop your comments from being moderated immediately, unlike whatever you were using before; but it’s false advertising. Try “Nob, Offensive”.
Well, [thinly disguised racism] and [opposition to anything Obama does], basically means that [reference to positive discrimination] and [outright racism]. Either that or [comment that doesn't make sense] or [attempt at joke gone wrong]!!1
(It’s SO easy when you’ve got the Obama formula down.)
http://www.listopia.co.uk/list.php?l=195
You might like that.
Chris, I think you have the formula for a new twat-O-tron.
I declare the internet yours.
Well, these non-patriotic Americans don’t care about real America and he’s turning the country communist, basically means that they’re only there because they’re black and non-white. Either that or I’m from Mexico or even Pakistan!!1
It works!
What do these people do an a Zebra crossing? Just step on the white lines or something?
On a different note, on the “A Levels were harder in my day” thread:
Yes!
Hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?messageID=6534482&edition=1&ttl=20090820143133&start=255�
!!!!one!!!
Hurray! Hey, A levels were harder in my day.
I know because I took them, and they were fucking rock solid, man. I’m obviously more intelligent than the kids these days, so if they’re passing with the same grades or better, then they must have got easier.
STD.
From the thread about the release of the Lockerbie bomber…
blockquote balls!
rerrorists? Raggy!
Scrappy won’t ruin anything, will she, Bit Special?
@-273
Blockquote balls indeed, because when I first read your hilarious comment (hot liquid blah splurting blah keyboard blah), I thought it came from HYS and there was a wit on that site. So your hard work and quick mind have been wasted! Bwah ha ha.
@Manly J. Panda
Curses, foiled again. I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!
Always amazes me how many racist Americans find their way onto a British website. My theory is they think that because they’re spouting their offensive bile onto a foreign website, then it’s not really being racist because it doesn’t go into their own media.
Also from the A-levels thread (“Have you received your A-level results today? Are you pleased with your grades? What do you hope to do next?”)
There were three questions, only two of which were Yes/No. But [DeportLittleBritons] is obviously too much of a hippogriff hole either to know the answers to those, or have any hopes of doing anything next.
I suspect it’s because they’re Fox News viewers trying to convert the BBC to a similarly “fair and balanced” view of the world (Fox has run several crusades against “BBC bias”), but I have this horrible feeling that some of them are slapping themselves on the back for how cosmopolitan and informed they are for reading a foreign news site, even as they fill the same site with a worldview centred on NASCAR and nuking anyone brown.
Oh, come on, it’s all the BBC’s fault. They got…
http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/2009/08/cap-in-yo-ass-cbbc.html
Andy K-D should go to America and travel round boxing everyone’s ears. It’s a cure for racism. Probably. Plus, I’d like to see how far he gets.
[DeportLittleBritons] quoted by @UglyNewt may be a bit of a twat, but his general sentiment is shared by at least two other people:
and
Does the second line of the second say everything that ever needs to be said about HYS, or is this an old observation?
But it is someone else’s fault! If the Tories had been in for the last 12 years, they wouldn’t have been suppressing the UK’s time-arresting technology, and the HYSers wouldn’t have been ageing!
Can’t you see it’s a complicated NuMetaLabore conspiracy to make everyone old, collapse the pension system, and blah immigrants blah God I’m too hungover to continue mocking these dickheads.
If we’re going to start prosecuting people for behaving like genitals, I reckon we could get More Cowbell on a charge of being a porcupine’s pustulating papercut.
@Manly, thanks for sticking up for me in my absence
P-P-P-Puppy Power!
I think the American rednecks like to quote on HYS and other UK turdspouts because they think we all live in a land exactly how it was portrayed in Mary Poppins (sorry, ‘Meeree Puppinz’) and therefore think we’ll either not spot their vile, illogical racism or we’ll pity their plight.
I really do hope it was a European beer they drink. Perhaps Peroni?
American beer is weak pish.
Loathe as I am to click on the damn site, I did. But only out of bordeom while I was waiting for some other site to load. The first comment I saw:
Yikes!
The Americans that resort to posting on BBC’s HYS represent the elite of their ‘poster-heads’. They are the ones who find their own home-grown version of HYS: ‘Ya’ll tell us how much ya lurve Praising The Good Ol’ American Baby Jesus, Flags ‘n’ Guns’, a trifle low-brow. You can only write, *spit*, so often before the soul hankers for something more.
Your three ‘F’s didn’t really have much value to begin with, Neil.
Popping up on two threads, with the same rubbish, spiteful joke
To all sane SYB readers,
I, more than anyone I know, enjoy the amusement to be had by reading the ill-informed, biased, prejudiced, etc, urine that spills, nay gushes forth from the fount of total ignorance that is the BBC HYS forum and other threads of its ilk, stamp and kidney. But in the back of my mind I can’t help but suspect that we’re not doing ourselces any favours by getting all frothed up (careful now) about some bitter old bastards’ jealousy that exams were harder in their days. Kids have a lot more to deal with nowadays, what with facebook, twatter (sounds like) and all their pregnancies and whatnot. Let’s cut them some slack and congratulate them on their highly advanced knowledge of procreation and blade technique. If we were more positive about our young folk, they’d be more confident and wouldn’t have to happy slap us to feel that they’d made a contribution to society. If I’m right.
I’se got a degree me. I’se got two degreez akshully. Like Labourhatersclub, I’se got mine b4 they wuz ‘utterly dumed down’.
Maybe labourhatersclub won’t be voting Conservative at the next election, but instead she part of a society the members of whom suffered difficult parturitions and wish to commemorate them?
@Clovis – do you think she considered ‘IheartCaesareanSections’ as her first NN before she settled on ‘LabourHatersClub’? I wonder what she and her ilk like to club. Not so many seals to be found on most of the British Isles.
When I got my first Degree, the microphone was turned on too early and the Dean could be overheard joking to the local dignitaries that THESE were the students (Humanities and Arts) who were never going to get good jobs… or any at all.
Fucking bastard was right, ‘n all. And that was before all this duming down – god* help all the daydreaming, pretentious young twats of today when it comes to coping with life after uni!
*By god I clearly mean ‘wet Colin Firth’
My A level grades spelt out the sound a sheep makes. Just saying.
I’d love to know whether anyone else can make an animal noise out of their grades.
And thanks to these miserable HYS arseholes making me think about it, I’ve just realised my degrees spell out 80% of the ‘Merkin President. How do I get the O?
Go back in time and get an O Level (back when exams were proper exams and teachers could smoke pipes whilst they bummed yer…. ah, them were the days)?
No, your A level grades spell out “bollocks”, because there’s no way they were as hard as the ones that I did, because any success comparable to mine is just bullshit and political spin.
Hard work? No one else knows what it means, apart from me and the selected people I know, of course.
Everything that I’ve never done or anything that anyone ever beats me at is complete and utter bollocks.
Possibly not a real student comments:
I just read an O-Level Geography paper from 1968, and the questions are almost exactly the same as the paper I sat 2 months ago. With the accompanying sources available, I am sure I, and my entire geography class, could have achieved the same grades that we got today.
Graham, Cambridge
That recent speeding up in plate tectonics has really buggered up the order of the countries hasn’t it.
accompanying sources
Maps?
Speaking as a lazy layabout student I find it ironic that the old bastards who are complaining about the ease of “younguns” lives these days are the same old bastards who didnt have to pay tuition fees, end up with several grands worth of debt forcing them to become rentboys…. BTW if anyone requires my services just call Mark Oatens home number
I could manage a sheep noise if I included that AS level I needed an A in and buggered up. Not that I’m still annoyed with myself twelve years later or anything. Maybe if I’d graduated I could have moved on to being annoyed with myself for that grade instead of reliving past shortcomings.
I should move on to whining that students don’t achieve the same level of crazy when they drop out these days and in my day I could spend hours staring at a blank computer screen not writing an essay instead of wussing out and crying after forty-five minutes. It’d be like playing more-miserable-than-you with my depressive friends, only with intergenerational hate.
Maybe I need to be a bit older before I can think of ways in which The Young are all infinitely pampered and I am brutally oppressed by their existence. Apart from They Don’t Remember Thatcher, obviously.
What I love about the ‘A’ level thread is the fantastic irony that so many of the people pompously moaning that standards are slipping have piss-poor grammar and can’t spell. Look at Paul Taser from Derby, for example, who in one sentence manages to miss two apostrophes and tries using a word which is evidently too big for him:
Obviously skipped a generation in your case, didn’t it Paul?
My O levels are worth nowt, my A levels useless,my OU degree a pointless waste of time, but they were definitely harder than today. I used these worthless qualifications to get a respectable job, just to see teenagers and immugrunts get promoted higher than me-what is the point? I’m off to HYS to rant impotently and make a difference to this once great country.
CHrist on a bike, I have got to stop reading the Daily Mail that the bloke on the bus keeps leaving – it really does warp your mind
As were on education, Chris. Your comment is fine, really, but consider this text-book post from a proper HYSer. Look how much more whine and bile and confident self righteousness FrankieCrisp achieves when basically saying the same thing as you.
Ahhh… The real world, aka Frankie’s dim POV.
“we’re” not “were” – cock-gobbling arse-flaps!
@Mim
Blank screens? Not any more, I suspect. If students are bursting into tears every 45 minutes, it’s probably because their character’s just been gunned down for the sixth time in Murder Death Kill or whatever other highly educational computer game it is they’re playing when they should be studying.
(If I’m right.)
Is this a piss-take? Or pish-take? I defy anyone to tell the difference in a blind tasting between Peroni and any other urine-coloured effluent – Bud, for instance. Real beer is brown, and is called “Timothy Taylor’s Landlord”, or “Wadworth’s 6X”. (Takes out pipe, sticks in beard, lights. Pipe, not beard)
On the subject of A levels. Heard some wonk on the radio yesterday saying that students of today have higher IQs than their parents. ‘Huh?’ I thought. ‘Isn’t IQ generally accepted as more-or-less hereditary? Is this the accelerated evolution that must surely accompany global warming?’ The most intelligent person I ever met got four A levels at Grade A (this was in the 1970s) and he was regarded as being in league with the Devil for his achievement (he got a scholarship to Oxford). Nowadays, with those results, he’d struggle to get a place studying Hotel Catering in a third-rate ex-polytechnic. My understanding is that the change in the numbers of pupils getting higher grades came about because of the change from norm-referenced testing to criterion-referenced testing. Or was it the other way around? Or something else entirely?
Exams were a lot harder in my day as evidenced by the number I failed.
I didn’t get any A-levels, O-levels, or even CSEs. The only certificate I had when left school (aged 14 and a half) was a bronze one for the 25-yard breast stroke, which was the same as Frank Spencer had when he left school, and I believe, Rodney Trotter. And I can from a single-parent council household.
That didn’t stop me from getting a couple of degrees, one of them a door-opening Masters from Oxford though.
No fucking point telling that to the dullards of HYS, since such things do not happen in their world.
My A-level grades spell out one of the names of Dee Dee Ramone (hint, it’s not ‘Ramone’).
I was continually drunk for three years and they still gave me an English degree and we didn’t have computers, we had to make do with a blank piece of paper to stare at for hours.
Just goes to show that I’m less stupid than the average HYSer even when I’m paralytic.
…The bitterness begins which will lead to many years of spluttering frustration at the HYS boards
Ps – I wouldn’t give the above a job – not without an introduction to Mr Grammar, Mr Aspostrophe and Mr Spelling
Purely as a scintific experiment I hope some of the scummier here will go up to the nearest policeman & start shouting the sort of obscenities anything they assert depends on, or that this professor said.
Then try using the Obama “is it cos I is black” defence.
Let us know how it goes.
I think I speak for the class when I say, “You pointless, sad, unfunny loose lady lemur’s lovebutton”.
How’s the inflatable Sarah Palin going ?
In case anyone’s not aware of what’s happening here, Neil has finally reached the point of gibbering meltdown in the thread he was previously stinking up. He’s hoping that he can colonise a new thread. Probably best not to answer him – let him carry on shrieking into the abyss, it’s what he’s used to from his own blog.
Oh come on chaps, I would like to see professor Craigs’ experiment carried out. You have to admit it would make great TV on one of those Police Zero Tolerance,Stop, deadliest riot drug raid shows. Perhaps Professor Craig would like to carry it out himself -Just think of the Taser opportunity.
I would definitely pay per view that one.
Deny him the oxygen of oxygen.
I forget which SYB-er (I can’t bear to say “brane”, it sounds cretinous) said he thought Nearly wasn’t actually hate-filled. His occasional racist remarks (“half-blood prince” and his spurting above about Obama) give the lie to that.
@Mim – why did you have to mention Thatcher? I was having a reasonably nice day before I read that.
I remember getting marked down on some essays when at uni for having illegible handwriting (till I got a crappy PC). Oh shit, I’m ridiculously old, Thatcher is still alive and I’m never likely to get a good job.
Why isn’t it 1994 anymore?
I’m going to lie down now and have a little cry.
Wouldn’t really be a fair scintific experiment, though, unless the policeman came to your house first and tried to arrest you for breaking and entering, and that could be quite tricky to arrange.
Scummier than what, by the way?
Give it ten years.
Wouldn’t a true experiment also require a control group in which the policeman was actually a placebo? Mind you, you would probably get a good truncheoning from the average copper simply for called him that.
Can I be in the control group? I’d love to get arrested by a late 90s pop-goth band!
But as we all know, Neil’s view on climat chang dmonstrats a clar lack of undrstanding of scince.
By the way Neil, do all your assertions depend on obscenities?
Fo rizzle.
Well, that sounds both scintillating and terrific. Bloody scintific in fact!
Is it just me, or is Neil’s last posting largely incomprehensible?
The greasy gorilla gash.
It’s just you. Everyone else thinks all his postings are largely incomprehensible.
Largely, completely, ridiculously.
Taking the individual words that form all the little components of what you want to say and just randomly glueing them together one after the other rarely works well.
Is it just me, or has Twisted Pair’s ‘e’ key stopped working?
I googled “scintific”.
Big mistake.
Speaking of qualifications Im intrigued at to what professor Craig’s qualifications are. Is he a professor in the mould of Gillian McKeith? Reading through some of his blogs certainly suggests that he has an experience of trawling through shit.
Hmm. I am dole scum but I am scrawny mildly posh girly sole scum. Where does that put me on the SYB Scum Meter?
La Spesh, sorry about the Thatcher mention. I just feel old when I think of people who don’t remember her. Old and scared.
@Mim, it’s okay, I forgive you. I feel perpetually old and scared these days; I was in a clothes shop today and ‘Cannonball’ by The Breeders was on, and one teen bint in front of me turned to her mate and said ‘oooh, I love this old retro music. My mum listens to this all the time’. I think the staff showed a remarkable lack of consideration in asking me to leave when I tried to hang myself from the light fittings with a pair of size 6 skinny jeans.
In the past week, I have discovered that TYF has not heard of the Belgrano, the Herald of Free Enterprise Disaster and The Battle of The Beanfield. He might’ve told me this before, but my ear trumpet doesn’t always work.
PS I am also mildly posh girly semi-dole scum (sadly not as scrawny as I’d like but not fat) – so nice to meet another of my kind…
This might not be funny or relevant to what we’re supposed to be discussing (like THAT ever matters), but it’s still 100% more interesting, relevant, sane and grammatically correct than The Neil Craig’s brain-guffs.
I now have a pretty good idea of what my mum was on about when she looked at seventies-revival curtain-print polyester clothes and asked why on earth they had to bring back the bits that were shit the first time round. I haven’t actually shouted at a clothes rail yet but I’m not far off it.
Apparently I’m also about three inches away from getting to children’s TV themes and do-you-remember-that-summer-when-everyone-wore-Bermuda-shorts. I bought a make-up book from 1983 the other day so I may still be suffering the after-effects.
So, um, everyone else, er, racism eh? Innit terrible?
There is evidence from studies (? done in denmark? Haven’t got my big science book with me) that IQ, as measured in tests, does increase over generations, so those young people might be onto something. The increase is typically attributed to better nutrition, people not starting work at a young age/getting a better education, rather than the Danes rapidly evolving into super-people. So IQ is both heritable, as Rotwatcher says, and also gets better with as people’s environments get better.
Having written this, I am not sure if this helps, but then that’s true of most of what I write.
It’s known as the Flynn effect.
When I was your age, I was on Thatcher’s scrapheap. Permanantly. I used to have to get up out of bed at six o’clock every second Thursday morning and wait for postman wit giro.
You probably get your benefits paid direct in to your bank account. You don’t know you’re born.
Ah yes. I clearly don’t have the skills required to both denigrate an entire generation and make it sound like they’re doing it to piss me off at the same time.
I actually prefer to stick to single professions, or sometimes, individuals, and trying and include some actual evidence for what I believe.
Which neatly segues me into my next topic:
It went well. The officer in question responded with: “Tell Neil Craig he’s a wallaby’s wanky wizard’s sleeve”.
Although the arresting officer did appear to be a racist – check out the link below and see the similarities.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8203110.stm
Admittedly the arresting officer in this case might be anti-semetic or simply hates dull whining music.
So nobody volunteering to do the experiment & prove it was just racism (&/or anti semitism).
What a shame.
Not picking on Craig here:
I find it annoying when people say “… racism AND anti-semitism …”.
At best, it’s a tautology, eg big AND large, small AND tiny, Buxton-Kadir AND bonkers.
Or … and here comes the conspiracy bit … it means that there’s good racism, eg the Melanie Phillips/Nick Griffin kind, and bad racism, eg the Robert Mugabe/Abu Hamza kind. By which, follows that some races are more deserving and “better” than others.
This is the end of today’s sermon. Go in peace.
PS my spell-checker suggested “… today’s semen…”
Well not his own, I guess. Unless he actually intends his shit to be unintelligible.
alt-f4: now that’s what I’m talking about. I am second-generation dole scum and remember collecting giros and it was rubbish even if you only had to sit in the car (yes, CAR! Bought by the taxpayer!) in a shitty car park in Blaydon. You win.
Judeaeophobia does often take different forms from yer other flavours of racism largely for historical reasons so I think there are probably arguments for referring to it separately in some contexts. That didn’t seem to be one of them, though.
Min,
Good God, I might start debating, here.
In what forms does Jude(ae?)ophobia differ from, say, prejudice (and what follows) against Gypsies/Roma. Apart from the Roma didn’t kill Christ, I mean.
Actually, I think that’s the one it has most similarity with in that the histories are of The Other Among Us rather than The Other Over There In Otherland. (You’re right, I didn’t even manage the traditional “oh, and the Roma” mention as found in most Holocaust discussions. Sorry.) My half-baked opinions on this tend to cover things like the way that Jews have been portrayed as devious and demonic rather than savage and animal, hence the Global Jewish Conspiracy which, say, Arabs could never manage because we’re too busy honour-killing and eating icky sheep eyes and firing rifles in the air for no readily apparent reason.
However, from a contemporary point of view racism is racism and there aren’t better and worse variants depending on target race and I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise. I’m still just a bit of an underinformed lapsed mediaevalist.
(And yes, I put an extra ‘e’ in there out of idiocy as I was trying to multitask, something I should never do.)
Min: “mediaevalist” is that one of those new-fangled so-called A-Level subjects.
Sorry, I get your points. Last thing before this sinks to debating:
There’s no doubt that the Jews (at least in Europe, maybe beyond?) have been on the receiving end of “savage and animal” racism as well, eg various blood libels. These slurs are now seen as faintly ridiculous, but now there’s a new “enemy” who are over there and savage, over here and savage and over here and sly. And the blood libels are starting. Witness Nearly Craig.
A good point, Simon. Isn’t all this agreeing excellent?
At least Nearly’s blood libels have slightly more logic to them than “they drink the blood of Christian babies in some weird mockery of the Eucharist because, um, they just do, right!” and are not sufficiently prevalent to stop being funny and start being really scary. I have been trying to make up bizarre and terrifying possible beliefs but he’s just out of my league.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Let’s agree to let this thread die.
Yes he said yes I will yes