Challenge: Can you still be angry and whiny when we’ve won the mf Ashes? Thanks to Nick for this first one.
Exactly whose ashes are they that we seem to have “won”. Shouldn’t they be sprinkled in a garden of rememberance somewhere or do we have to give them back next year?
[Bompas], Northumberland, United Kingdom
Don’t worry Bompas, it’s only Brian Sewell in there.
A man called Freddy is really called Andrew, right, ok, I am with you so far. Now, explain the rules. I have got a couple of minutes to spare.
[Mrs_Sippy]
It’s not my responsibility to explain the rules to you. BUY A FUCKING TEA-TOWEL.
As much as I try, I can’t work out how England winning the Ashes should be a reason for a national celebration.
It has made no difference to my bank balance, my inability to afford a mortgage, and it hasn’t kicked out the Bulgarians who live upstairs from me.
Chao Chee Bai, Third world, United Kingdom
I’m afraid I can’t really offer much here. I mean, most bookies generally set quite long odds on England, so that might make you some money next time, but there’s not much I can suggest for your Bulgarian problem. The only thing that comes to mind is that you could invent your own sport based on something you’re already really good at, like being a self-absorbed racist gobshite, and instead of some burnt bits of wood, make the prize a house and a free ethnic cleansing worth £150. I hope that helps.
127 Responses to “Sore Winners”
Aren’t the Winston Churchill’s ashes?
Also, I’m off the William Hill to get to get the odds on the next government being BNP. I reckon it’ll be as likely as winning the National Lottery, so maybe worth a punt for a quid.
Aren’t they Winston Churchill’s ashes?
I’m off to William Hill..
I won’t be in if you’re coming round…
What is the best way to improve NHS patient care?
Not the CAUSE, just a mirrored objective fact. Tenner says you’re a cunt.
“Chao Chee Bai” is Hokkien (a Southern Chinese dialect) for “smelly c*nt”. (Betfred, you are more correct than you could have dreamed.) It’s a slang term that’s used quite a lot by Chinese people in Malaysia and Singapore (the home country of yours truly). I’m not really sure why such a person is expressing hostile views towards immigrants in the UK.
The Chao Chee Bai Method (furrin name if ever there was one btw!)
I have a hangover.
I drank too much last night and followed it with a kebab.
I am not saying the CAUSE of the hangover and attendant vomiting is the beer and kebab, just that they happened one after another.
See ?
What a coprophagic chaffinch’s cuddle cave.
@Jolene
I’m begging on you please don’t take my man.
Green eyed, red haired tart!
(Sorry, looking for coat as we speak!)
I’ve never heard that one before…!
Everyone who’s read the Hitchhiker’s Guide trilogy knows what the Ashes really are!
@Ceannair – that was my fave animal fanny so far. Gold star for YOU!
PS here, borrow MY coat…
They could put the ashes on a rocket & scatter them in space. Then they wouldn’t have to compete for them every year & could put the effort into something useful like building floating islands. Ditto all that money being blown on the Olympics just to find out who can run 1/100th of a second faster.
I am not giving up smoking and drinking because if I am unfortunate enough to reach old age, Gordon will have spent my pension and I will be forced to sell my house to subsidise the minumum wage immigrunt care workers to change my soiled pants.
I’m john adair and so is my wife!
Something tells me Prof. Craig was last picked for sports at school!
Its ok no shame in not being atletic in the slightest, just cause you seem to have trouble putting one foot infornt of another at an increasing rate, dosen’t mean you should belittle someone else for it!
You scabby skunks slit
baaaa bleeeetttt baa *munch munch* Cricket baa blleett
And fucking Chao Chee Bai’s a barrel of laughs to live above. (The smelly cunt really does stink to high heaven.)
I expect the Prof will be surprised and delighted to learn that we can actually pay for half his floating islands, since we only compete for the Ashes every two years. However, we have to offset the saving on staging the Ashes matches against the cost of shooting them into space. I’m forced to conclude that this idea needs more work. Or even some work. Still, it’s probably good enough for an Astronautics GCSE under ZaNuLiabore.
What’s more, I rather think he’s missed the point of the Olympics (okay, he’s missed the point of a lot of things). Leaving aside the vexed question of “who can run 1/100th of a second faster” than what or who, I think he might find that in many Olympic sports such as archery, diving, gymnastics, Taekwondo and synchronised felching, timing doesn’t come into it.
Which leads inevitably to the conclusion that he’s a poisonous partridge’s passion perforation.
AAAAAARGH! I kind-of agree with Neil Craig over something! I too think the Olympics is an obscene waste of money – except I think it’s offensive when there’s so many other things we should be spending the money on and not some pointless and overblown Sports Day, whilst Neil just begrudges everything he doesn’t like and no doubt think that it is the perfect cover for our Government to really step up its Zionist paedo organ-harvesting or whatever bonkers crap his mental illness tells him they’re up to.
I also hate all sport, so if I don’t want to watch the Olympics, no-one else should either. Hmmph.
The Olympics ARE! The Olympics ARE an obscene waste of money! SEE how the Prof is infecting me with his poor grammar and inferior reasoning?!
Oh come on Reg! That’s bullshit and you know it. If we’d LOST The Ashes you could have moaned the pub to death about Botham and Boycott and how we’ve gone to the dogs and everything’s terrible in Brown’s Britain. The selfish bastard’s victory took all the fun out of it, didn’t it?
Bbtke – that was the not entirely asphyxiatingly funny third book in the series, cribbed from an idea too bad for Doctor Who. Not as bad as the two that followed, and undoubtedly genius compared to Colfer’s cheque-cashing, but still not very good.
Actually I am remembering some good bits now. Ignore me.
I remember when I used to have some good bits.
The HYS dicks constantly whinge about THIER bloody BBC licence fee being outrageously high and unfair etc. Now, on the Ashes thread, they are all bitching that the BBC didn’t outbid the mega-rich SKY TV for the Ashes series. Considering they are conspicuously failing to enjoy the victory, why do they insist THEIR licence fee should have been spent on the broadcasting rights? Fucking cheerless bastards. They could find the cloud in a sky full of silver linings.
They really can’t stand ANYONE being happy or positive, can they? Thick middle aged men with a belly full of angry misery. Shoot the lot of them.
Says the man who ran for government office with a policy to build a tunnel from his comic-book store to the Outer Hebridean isle of Thistleggkirk, costing 50 billion quid of government cash.
Workers Of The World Unite!
Let us hurry to the barricades and overthrow the detestable ruling class!
You have nothing to lose but your Freeview!
Funnypeculier, perhaps the license fee moaners moan because they are fully employed tax slaves of Gordon Brown and the only people who can afford to watch England win the ashes are immigrants and dole scroungers
Still, hopefully I will get laid off in the next round of job cuts and will be able to afford Sky too.
Did this guy type his post while eating his dinner? He seems to have accidently typed a bellowing instruction to his long-suffering wife?
(Err… I think that’s enough from me for now. Thread-hogging is worse than ball tampering.)
Not Bulgarians! Please, anything but Bulgarians!
I’m finding it harder and harder to tell when this cunt is being ironic and when he’s being, well, a cunt.
I vote arsebiscuit.
If I were Prof Craig or john adair, and thank the lord Darwin that I’m not, then I’d be bliddy well frothing with even more gobshittery about cricket, it is after all played by them wogs and pakis! And they often beat the us, the bounders.
As for the Olympics. Well isn’t that all about loads of forrins coming over here and stealing our jobs and getting free housing (for a couple of weeks, but still). I’d imagine the BNP’s share of the vote in Stratford going up by about 37 over this one.
Zen Reality – aka – a John Adair sockpuppet.
You needy little spaz, John. Bringing your own posts to show us. Would you like us to hang it on the SYB fridgedoor, next to your finger painting of mummy and daddy? You can have a carton of vimto for being such a good boy, now let the adults talk, please dear.
Perhaps Mrs_Sippy is the kind of sloth’s slot that thinks soap operas are real, and writes to the characters advising them what to do next.
It is hilarious to think that anyone in their right mind would believe it’s easier to afford Sky HD if you’re on benefits.
Hang on. Right mind, John Adair. I see where I’ve gone wrong.
Chao Chee Bai seems to be labouring under the post hoc, ergo propter hoc delusion. Not that (s)he’d understand it anyways…
As we’re kind of talking about what a bunch of miserable, whining, moaning, self-absorbed wastes of oxygen the HYSers are, hs anyone seen the ‘what are you doing this Bank Holiday?’ thread? Nice light-hearted holiday topic? You’d think…
And that’s currently the most recommended!
For sheer weird this surely deserves a mention:
A Lancaster bomber visiting a country show. The images it conjures up.
By George I think you’ve got something HL! What could the BNP enjoy more at one of their big camp meetings where they gather to compare horror stories about how forrun types are to blame for all their shortcomings…
…than a spectacular display by a Lancaster? And perhaps a Spitfire or two to mop up the stragglers.
If we could get a Polish one like what they done used on their stupid cunting leaflet it would be perfect.
Well, you need to tie it up more securely. Unless you want your home running amok, biting strangers and shitting in the park.
Maybe he means it’s easier to afford the time. It’s not a proper cricket match unless it goes on for about six months, so only the unemployed can afford to watch the whole thing from end to end.
And we all know that the dolescum spend their money on Sky and Stella because we’ve seen it in the Daily Mail.
I’m a withered clit.
It’s a well known fact that poor people love cricket the best. Fact.
Polish spitfire pilots coming over here in the Battle of Britain and stealing indigenous Spitfire pilot jobs, shooting Nazi planes out of the sky for less than minimum wage…
Well, I’ve seen it in the council estates.
Are “dole scum” more likely to live in council estates? Is it possible to divide the UK geographically into socio-economic groups? Are “lower” socio-economic groups more likely to live on council estates? Do “lower” socio-economic groups spend less of their income on going to the opera and Ascot, leaving more for Sky? Are “lower” socio-economic groups, as an aggregate percentage, more likely to read the Sun? Does Rupert M promote his Sky in his Sun?
Whilst I think that what I’ve written is correct, “Jean-Luc Picard” can perceive nothing more complex than is superficial, mixes cause and effect, and is no more than an inverted snob. And a cock. By reading the Mail and drinking Pimms, he perceives himself to be better than those who read the Sun and drink Stella. Deluded cock!
… in fact, I have a theory (feel free to shoot it down) that a great many of the HYSers and DailyMailers have trouble with cause and effect. I think that is their main mental deficiency, thereby when fed “facts” to their already belittled sense of self-worth, …
Oh, you work it out .
I’m a bit jealous.
Have you noticed how at christmas the working middle class areas are turning off each light in unoccupied rooms to save on the “lecky bill”, chav estates are lit up like Blackpool illuminations.
Every Chav house has a sky dish outside, most middle class areas make do with freeview if they are lucky.
John Adair spends the winter months peering into different families windows to observe their behaviour.
whilst wanking
I think Oliver’s pulled, thats one person who will be happy this holiday.
Happy bank holiday to all my fans on HYS, SYB and BYB, love you all XXX
Maggie ‘Relax… I’m Christian’ Jones!
What about those bloody cable watchers eh? Has John Adair carefully examined all those houses with no visible signs of dishes just in case? Or do those pesky restraining orders get in the way?
Am I the only one who wants the BBC to run a “Survey” on “How will you be voting in the next General Election”. The beauty of this would be that there’s no need to monitor for fuckwits with multiple accounts, let ‘em skew the data. And when it inevitable shows that the BNP would win with a landslide if HYSers were representative, the BBC should then run a HYS thread the day after the General Election, something along the lines of “Given the outcome of the General Election, it has been suggested that HYSers are disproportionately BNP members/sympathisers and out of touch with the majority of the British (not English) electorate? What do you think?”
The election was rigged. The BBC poll proves that the BNP are Britain’s rightful government. Bet this doesn’t get posted!
Recommended by 10 people and 12311 sock puppets.
I am not voting BNP anymore, bunch of PC pussys. It’s Stormfront for me from now on. No pussyfooting around with political correctness there.
Round up all the immigrants, queers and jews and send them where the sun dont shine.
All BBC Hys topic problems solved!
Climate change:- Too few people to effect it
Unemployment:- Loads of jobs including 98% of the BBC’s.
Road congestion:- Gone
Crime:- gone 100% employment so no need
Drugs:- solved no pushers left to buy from
Illegal wars:- no need insular country
Knife crime:- gone
Easy when you know how.
“Round up all the immigrants, queers and jews and send them where the sun dont shine”
You want to cram them up your arse?
I think he meant Manchester
Sounds like that might be slightly uncomfortable…
On an ever so slightly serious note, I spent a weekend in Sofia once, the Bulgarian capital. It really was an armpit of a place, almost as bad as being subjected to Vogon poetry…
You are fucking joking, right? No pushers = no drugs = big fucking problem. Still, sounds like an employment opportunity for someone. I hear Davina McCall’s going to be out of a job soon.
Just to get back on topic ……
The good news is that now the Ashes are over the cricketers involved have been released to form roaming bands of Bulgarian bashers.
If I’m right.
For a laugh, we should all vote BNP at the next election. It might cause chaos, but what the hell, it would be on hell of a laugh.
After 12 years of Labour party misrule, could it be any worse?
C’mon folks… let’s get a grip. Adair’s a pathetic man who gets his kicks from being offensive. It makes his shrivelled little heart beat faster to be outrageously offensive. But he’s not especially thick and he’s trying as hard as he can to wind SYB up.
When he says, “All Jews deserve to be killed at birth” or whatever, remember this… everyone of his inflammatory statements has a barbed hook through it and he’s sitting there, twitching his fishing rod, smirking like a twat and desparately hoping you’ll take his bait.
Fuck him. Just sit back and relax and let him do his worst. The guy’s an absolute inadequate prick looking for any attention he can find.
Us libruls is quaking in our sandals. Stormfront being the most visited racist website on the internet and 338th largest internet forum. Looks like White Supremacy will shortly have us pinkos, Jews, darkies, gays and Towelheads up against the wall, shooting hatesperm into us and then shipping us back to Africa. I’m frightened mummy.
I wonder if it’s possible that Chao meant Vulgarians, not Bulgarians. V and B are keyboard neighbours after all. If he did, then I sympathise entirely. It seems wherever one lives in London nowadays, one is swamped by these lumpen, cultural immigrunts who think that because they’ve got five million pounds and a synthetic wife that somehow means they have acquired class.
I mean to say, my cave-man of a neighbour has a thing called a Hummer.
A Hummer!
Simply Awful.
And the Burlarian “B” and English “V” are phoentically equivalent. Could this be some cross-transliterational plot by the Hungarian Secret Service to undermine Transdnistria?
So if you’re a jewish homosexual of oversea’s descent, bascially, you need to pack an umbrella. Gas masks will be confiscated.
And why do you assume that it isn’t just a native-born cockney-wanker who thinks that learning himself of some low S.E. Asian guttural slang enables him to be Jack The Lad on the BBC. The prick is probably boasting about it down the pub right now. Fuck him.
And why do you assume that it isn’t just a native-born cockney-wanker who thinks that learning himself of some low S.E. Asian guttural slang enables him to be Jack The Lad on the BBC.
It’s certainly possible. The “objective fact” and “subjective opinion” language, though, and the signing off as being from the “Third World”, are exactly the sort of tropes a particular pedantic and up-themselves sort from Singapore like to trot out. Not conclusive, so yeah, the Cockney’s definitely possible, but if I had to put my money on it…
Sky is quite good for filling vast swathes of time which you’d otherwise have to spend thinking of how shite your life is. I spend my dole money on Internet access for much the same purpose. And then come here and negate any psychological benefits by exposing myself to john adair. Not in that way, obviously. Eew.
So mainly I am saying so fucking what if everyone on the dole did have Sky? Ha.
Well, if you were “right wing”, you might say that they should be spending their dole money on something a bit more constructive than watching television. The idea of dole money is that you should spend it on getting off the dole, not on things that make “doing nothing” more bearable, like Sky Plus with 1080p HD and 6.1 surround sound. The dole is supposed to be a safety net, not a lifestyle choice. Unfortunately, because of “economics”, if you pay people to do nothing, they do nothing.
Of course I would not say this. I firmly believe that those people would get jobs if they only had sufficient training and education, and I blame Thatcher for putting them out of work in the first place. We owe them the dole money, and if they want to spend it on Sky, Stella and smack, then more power to them. It’s a free country!
“Mim and John Adair, sitting in a tree…”
Thargadair, the god of dirty celestial toilets, chuckles mirthlessly as SYB spins inexorably down the pan…
Come on! we are NOT here to dispense wisdom, flaunt knowledge or lock horns with illegally-squatting half-wits!!!
Go to HYS, find a piece of effluent, blockquote it, and rip the shit out of it. THAT is why we are here. That is what we do.
*Alec Guinness Voice* “SYB! SYB! Do not go to the dark side. Remember who you are! You must be strong. Trust your feelings. Use the force! And don’t fuck your sister, that’s not the jedi way.“
Actually I think the point of dole money is that you should spend it on fucking well staying alive, which frankly it barely covers. I’m not entirely sure how exactly that amount of money is supposed to buy anyone out of the dole even if that were the point of it which it isn’t. Poverty is not nice. It is really really not nice. Why are so many people convinced that unemployment is some sort of pampered bliss?
I am trying to learn not to engage with heartless dickheads but it is difficult not to scream at them for being twisted, repugnant and dead inside. Sorry everyone.
How this site has declined. It was once was fun – check out the early quotes – with witty one liners and comments.
Funny Peculiar – you are not funny, despite what you think.
Mish Spesh – likewise
John Adair – congrats for being so unfunny that you stop this site from being that. Your mummy will be proud of you – if you were the real man, you would not be making your self so visible.
Neil – you are an arse – fuck off
Where are Fucko, Rich (oxon), Hacksaw jim et al ??
Nelse – bring back the fun and the blah filter to get rid of these miserable, up-their-own-are-cunts
Yeah, Nelson, bring back the blah filter, wobbegong doesn’t like us!
Hang on, why are you entitled to internet access if you don’t have a job? It’s political correctness gone mad!
John Adair is the architect of his own downfall.
“Round up all the immigrants, queers and jews and send them where the sun dont shine.”
They have done already. That´s why they are in the UK.
I´ll get my coat.
Mortgage-payment support was abolished under the last Conservative govt. If you’d voted Old Labour back then, you’d still have a home and a job, (even if that did mean you couldn’t have spent most of the last ten years bragging about how much your house was worth).
My internet access is necessary to connect me to the rest of the BBC Commuzionist conspiracy, in which I have a Thetan level of 4. Hardworking BNP voters don’t get the same perks because they won’t use them to petition for a mosque on every corner. Poor noble fools!
As I’ve been saying on HYS under various pseudonyms THE EXPANSION OF STATE-SPONSORED JOURNALISM IS A THREAT TO THE PLURALITY AND INDEPENDENCE OF NEWS PROVISION!!1! Fact.
Finally people are starting to listen.
And George Orwell agrees with me too.
@Bit Spesh
*sniff* Wobbegong’s hangover doesn’t like us.
Plenty of room in here, as long as you don’t mind being woken by the speeches going down and out.
So, to summarise, if you lose your home thanks to Gordon Brown personally coming round and kicking you out so he can take your money and give it to Sir Fred Goodwin does that mean you’re more likely as a homeless person to have MCC membership and free tickets to all Ashes tests which are pointless anyway as even victory is hollow thanks to New Labour replacing good, decent Stormfront supporters with Bulgarians that are needed to perpetuate the climate change conspiracy does that make you a racist?
Yes. If I’m right.
Even if we only save the money from playing the Ashes every 2 years I think we could afford to scatter them in space.
http://www.clyde-space.com/products/193_isis-3-u-cube-sat-deployer?page=2
Floating islands are more expensive but even at several billion for something able to house 100,000 people we could afford several for the cost of the Olympics.
@fp – My heart is breaking. Do you want to share this paracetamol smoothie I’m making?
I now hate myself – I am clearly more miserable and up-my-own-arse than someone who rarely comments but sees fit to insult others just because what they say isn’t his/her idea of funny. I didn’t realise I was responsible for amusing others too lazy and unfunny to contribute regularly, but I am suitably chastised. I also wish I was original enough to think of asking Nelson to bring back the blah filter. FP, we’re just SCUM…
PS Mim, that’s no way to win his heart! Tssh!
Bit Special is one of the many consistently funny posters (FP included)on this site and, more importantly, she GETS IT (the joke I mean, the point of the site – I’m not making any lewd comments about her and her YF). Maybe Wobbegong was thinking of someone else. But I have to agree with Wobbegong – this site has been sadly hijacked.
FP and Bit Special’s posts (amongst certain others’) are the reason I visit this site, and personally I think the site would be all the poorer if they stopped posting.
Quite happy to hear nothing else from Wobbegong though; he sounds like a right miserable arse, and not the sort of person who should be deciding who’s worthy to submit comments to this site. Is HE funny? Somehow I doubt it, unless the irony of his long and bitter post complaining that the site should consist of witty one-liners was intentional.
Aw, thanks guys (the cheques are in the post, etc.)! You two are hilarious; this is high praise indeed
Group hug!
PS Clovis is right – the threadjackers (for want of a better word) are just so fucking tiresome and spoil things. And their efforts are so pointless. Sigh. We must look on the bright side and use their dreary, unfunny wafflings to remind ourselves of the utter cunty, ass-hatted twatbasketry we are up against. Be ever vigilant, fellow SYBers!
PPS Clovis – I do (SNURK!)
My god, I do believe I’m tearing up (for you as well Mim)
Back on topic:
Nearly, you’re a beardy nob end and neither funny nor smart. Fuck off.
FP, Bit Special, keep up the good work.
I’m spending John Adairs monthly allowance to his EX wife on booze and drugs at the Notting Hill Carnival – Putting the GREAT back in Britain with a lot of Black in the Union Jack.
You all do know it’s not the real John Adair, don’t you? As in not the John Adair from HYS.
@ wobbegong
Not to mention metric773.
Although I agree with paragraphs 1, 4, 5, 6 & 7, I’d say 2 & 3 make you a bit of a miserable moaning minnie’s minge.
oops not the last paragraph, anyone calling for the blah filter should just fuck off elsewhere if they don’t like it here
Agreed, if you like the blah filter so much, why don’t you go live there?
Remember, all it takes for twatbasketry to triumph is for over-educated and under-employed piss-takers to do nothing.
PS. Where’s Gobbler got to? I could use a bit of woof woof, slurp slurp to see me through these dark days.
On the “Gaddafi: Has he been good for Libya?” thread
wow after all this time, a genuine “if you dont like it go die there” comment
ps. On the whereabouts of Gobbler I fear he has departed to the great oral sex canine home in the sky.
I have to say though, it’s a close run in the dickhead stakes between Rich410 and LBMasters.
@Clovis- Very true, mind you trying to decide between any HYSayers in terms of sheer cuntishness is a bit like being asked by a waiter “what would you prefer to eat? a plain turd or a turd in piss sauce?”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1209921/What-prompted-comedians-tirade-old-schoolmate-Richard-Hammond.html
Spectacular.
Ironically enough I think thats the next Top Gear challenge
I already love Stewart Lee and want to bear his children but getting up the noses the assorted Top Gear/Daily Mail cuntery in such a way makes me fall in love all over again.
It’s a great routine too.
Oh, and the answer to the question “What prompted comedians tirade … ?” is, Richard Hammond is a cunt.
I’d imagine that must be why you’re currently the highest rated comment on the Lee/Hammond story, Lizzy from West London
…or maybe it’s your godlike grasp of irony.
Off topic, but it looks as though the Kadir-Buxton method is being embraced by the NHS after all
hmm, that didn’t work. Maybe I’ll try it without the clever hyperlink
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/new-nhs-reforms-to-be-led-by-characters-from-streetfighter-2-200908282019/
SKYISBLUESOAMI is also available for your Bank Holiday children’s party. Late bookings get 20% extra pomposity and a free reading from Hansard thrown in. Disappointment guaranteed.
…failing that he’ll piss in the cake.
I.e. anything other than wanking over his own twatbasketry on HYS.
I’d just like to say that I don’t come on here to read about other people’s miserable lives. I come on here to take the piss out of other people’s miserable levels of intelligence.
There are, of course, exceptions, but after a nice holiday down as far south as you could possibly get without encountering ice fields, it’s awful to come back and realise that the rest of the world still exists.
You should think of how I’m feeling more, and do everything you can not to upset my fragile moods. If it weren’t for that Daily Mail article, I’d be incandescent right now.
Try not to think of it as a hijack.
This place is a museum where we laugh at exhibits of cybertwattery.
It’s just become a working museum in the sense that JA, NC & other friendless, functionless, live alone in your pants freaks have now spilt over into here as live exhibits. In the way of vermin.
Evidently they don’t have self awareness- otherwise they’d be perpetually suicidal.
Short of blocking their ISP address form commenting I doubt they can be persuaded to go away. This is possibly the most attention they’ve ever had.
Or maybe we should send the police round to examine their computers which should in turn prompt some time behind bars for them- which would be a relief for the rest of us.
“I come on here to take the piss out of other people’s miserable levels of intelligence”
Snap Chris.
Except your pisstaking is as salient and penetrative as a drunk on a traffic island shouting at the cars and lorries.
It’s clear that you’re too creepy and dimwitted to even care that your farts could scarcely be less worthwhile and interesting than anything you have to say.
Thing is, Global, that even pointing out to him his utter failure and the total lack of respect he gets here, is still validation to his kind. The best way forward is to deny him the oxygen of publicity, since Nelson won’t divulge his home address so we can deny him the oxygen of oxygen.
Ignore him. Completely.
I thought you came on here to wank off over your own comments dear “prof”
He (or she) is in semi-retirement, along with Hitler’s Penis, the late Dolly, me, and a number of other identities (ooo, sockpuppets!!), having rather sadly taken offence at some unfunny spiteful cunt of a self-appointed quality monitor having a go at them some time ago. Confucius, or possibly Goebbels, said “if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen” (or was it Nigella Lawson?) and we couldn’t, so we did. We fixed our work computer so we couldn’t even see this site, (well not without unfixing it, duh) in order to avoid our addictive behaviour getting the better of us. Or indeed getting us sacked.
We’ve got a lovely cottage in Dorset, with roses round the door, and Gobbler is happy “playing” with the local sheep, though it is bloody difficult to explain it to tourists sometimes as they think s/he is chasing them with the intention of hurting them. Ha! My, they do get a surprise when she/he catches one.
We send our best regards to everyone, unless you’re a cunt or a HYS user, in which case, fuck off. The rest of you, we love, though in Gobbler’s case preferably from a safe distance so you don’t get all sticky.
Woof! (Slurp!)
So. Much. Bollocks. Must. Go. To. Bed.
@Dolly’s Evil Nemesis
Oh come on – how can you leave shit like this behind? If anyone takes it srsly, well, Gobbler can have at ‘em.
I miss Gobbler et al. I don’t even remember anyone criticising your stuff, and in any case they were wrong. Forget (rhymes with) them.
@Dollys Evil Nemesis- We need as many reinforcements against the influx of HYS twatbaskets that have infested this site…”nooo surrrrrender”. So *queue Chicago ballad*… “If you leave me nooow, yoou take away the biiigest part of me…”
LoL. Not even one Standard, eh Neil? Couldn’t even crawl your way to post-16.
You’re just one moment of clarity away from a heroic moment involving a firearm and a school, do you know that?
Again, probably not. Introspection isn’t your strong point, is it.
You’re just one moment of clarity away from a heroic moment involving a firearm and a school, do you know that? by Chris @ Neil
Oh cheers Chris, now I’ve got little dabs of tomato juice and flecks of masticated sandwich over our newly painted wall. The missus is going to open TWO cans of arse-whup for this. I will explain it was all your fault for writing such a knockout observation and she’ll give me one of her looks. I’m as good as dead.
At least you have a wall. The Maori Muslims took my wall. Honest to God, I came over here and they’re taking my walls.
On the plus side, freshly painted walls mean you probably have some paint hanging around in exactly that shade, so it’s not all bad.
On the other hand, the Mrs might still moan about having to paint it again. I suggest you tune her out by turning the TV up.