Curtain Twitchers and Outsiders and Racists02 Sep 2009 01:15 pm

Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Covert Terror Plot Bikini

By Alex

The Burkini. Half veil, half Victorian swimming costume. Seems a little silly, doesn’t it, especially if you give it an amusing name like that. Not so. It is in fact a very serious matter because blah blah Eurabia blah blah eroding our Western culture yadda yadda yadda Islamism. Now you would have thought the previous statement was the stupidest thing you could possibly say on the subject, but that’s not what right-wing blogs are for. It’s just a benchmark for the comments that follow it, so they know the absolute minimum level of angry idiocy they need to attain.

The burka and burkini have very little to do with religion or custom, and everything to do with a form of self inflicted apartheid, and a rejection of the culture and customs of the host nation. I have at times witnessed more women wearing burkas in Wathamstow Market, in East London, than would normally be seen in Lahore. I am unaware of the plural for several burka wearers, but a murder of crows always comes to mind.
Toboo

This is a nice example of why you get a better class of cunt on the Telegraph. Background facts: the plural of burkha wearer is in fact ‘burkha wearers’, and collective nouns are a long, pointless list of words you’ll never actually use in a sentence and the most smug, tedious and unfunny substitute for wit and eloquence the English language has to offer. By the way, did you know that the collective noun for people who comment on news sites is a “shitting bumwank” as in “Have you seen the massive shitting bumwank of racists on the Telegraph site today?”.

I saw a woman at my gym in California come into the pool area wearing one of these recently. YOu should have seen the looks she was getting.

I hate to say it, but these people are manifesting themselves en mass even out here in California now. I thought and hoped that I’dleft it all far behind in London, but no. It’s like a disease.

20 years ago, you couldn’t buy a curry in San Francisco, now there’s a pakistani place on most streets. They don’t waste time. Nightmare.
debunker

You couldn’t buy ipods 20 years ago either. Or Casablanca Special Edition DVD Boxed Sets. In fact, the more things I think of, the more scared I get. You might just have to emigrate again. In fact, if I were you, I’d move to Antarctica, cut yourself off from the world and internet and just sit, surrounded by leg-warmers, rubix cubes and Cindi Lauper tapes, pretending Charles and Di are still married.

debunker – you are so right. I was in JC Penney in Long Beach a couple of years ago, and found some muzzie bint praying to Mecca in the Men’s Levis section. I was so enraged I told her to get herself out in the parking lot if she was going to behave like some alien, and stop offending my Christian (ha-ha) principles. She gathered the hem of her sack and beat it.

They must be stopped.
45govt

You’ve done something very stupid here, 45govt. You see, if you actually type “ha-ha”, even in brackets, people will get the impression you’re joking and don’t really have Christian principles. Then we’ll naturally assume you’re only pretending to be religious as a pretext to bully brown people. Which we all know is true, but the point of pretexts is you have to keep them secret. The best thing to do is probably to spend ten minutes every morning standing in front of the mirror saying “It’s not about race, it’s about defending our culture from a backward, medieval religion”. If you can do that ten times in a row without winking, laughing sarcastically or shouting “NOT!” at the end, the BNP might finally accept your membership.

63 Responses to “Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Covert Terror Plot Bikini”

  1. on 02 Sep 2009 at 1:55 pm   princess

    i’m first!
    ok now i feel a bit dirty. i must wash my hands 43 times and turn around 15 times. then i’ll open and close the door 12 times and check every room in the house for immigrants and dole scroungers.

  2. on 02 Sep 2009 at 1:58 pm   the sheep

    Bleet baa bleet baaaaa *gulp gulp* baaa

  3. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:01 pm   Settle down class Professor Craig's here

    When king Fahd of Saudi Arabia went to a Spanish hotel to enjoy senility without getting in the way people on the beach regularly saw Saudi women waterskiing while wearing a burka.

  4. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:09 pm   Miguel

    @johnpitcher

    “what you are describing is criminal behaviour”

    Would that be the same criminal behaviour evident in
    Algerian civil war 100.000 dead
    Nigeria….Islamic seperatist movement
    Kenya….demands for Sharia law
    Somalia..hell on earth
    Egypt..persecution of Coptic Christians
    Palestine…Koran “all jews are pigs and monkeys”
    Lebanon…civil war.
    Iraq..persecution of Christians,Sunnis,Shias.
    Iran…persecution of dissidents,homosexuals
    Pakistan..persecution of Christians and society teeering on the edge of collapse
    India..conflict with Islam
    Thailand..beheading of non-muslims
    Phillipines…seperatist movement
    Sweden…progressive “Talibaization of Third largest city,no go areas.
    France…riots
    Denmark….youth riots
    Australia youth riots.
    Norway..Muslim Imam and member of Labour party awaits decision from European Fatwa council on if Homosexuals should be executed.

    i have no idea what the fuck this guy’s point is, but i love the way he struggles to find problems with every country.

  5. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:11 pm   Miguel

    i went to thailand on holiday, i only just got away form being beheaded. I had to pretend that i was muslim by wearing a burka and eating smelly food

  6. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:13 pm   Dr Feelgood

    Well spotted Neil Craig – how terrible that traditional Saudi culture is being undermined by decadent Western behaviour such as watersports!!!1!1!

    Unless they were Catholic nuns, in which case it’s perfectly acceptable as part of their religion.

  7. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:18 pm   twopoint6khz

    @Miguel

    I’ve no idea either, but the initials of the first four countries spell “WANK”.

  8. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:19 pm   twopoint6khz

    Er ok, you have to include the ‘W’ from ‘Would’ as well. It’s the thought that counts.

  9. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:19 pm   Chris

    Yeah, Delingpole is a real Donkeypole. Guaranteed to inspire the racist and the stupid, coaxing them out like a badger sniffing the air… waiting for a good twatting around the head with a shovel.

    Unfortunately, this is the Telegraph. Its readers are far too inclined toward baiting badgers than simple bludgeoning, and so subject the badger that is me to extreme cruelty… wait, I think I lost this analogy somewhere.

    I buy Telegraph Weekly. I’m trying to say this. But in my defence, it’s either the Guardian Weekly (and they employ Hadley Freeman and Tanya Gold) or the Express Weekly (and that’s just too funny to have an expat edition of a paper that thinks people should be nailed to the spot).

    My point was though, this, from the Pole:

    to Muslim supermarket workers trying to dictate the terms of their employment

    God forbid that anyone should want to have a say in what they do at work, eh? Fucking Muslims. Should be grateful for a fucking job, let alone complaining about stuff that offends them personally. And never mind that it’s been in the contracts for fucking years that you can refuse certain duties for religious or, shock horror, even simple moral reasons.

    No, that doesn’t stop cunts like Dirigipole having an opinion on the matter though, or the fact that they’ve only been to a supermarket once, it was delightfully gauche, they had things without brands on them, and a brown person served me, spoke perfect English though, mind you I wouldn’t expect any less from Sainsbury’s…

    …what a bunch of cunts.

    This is a classic though:

    I’m surprised the Elfin Safety brigade or the relevant Unions haven’t had something to say about this fetching ensemble as well. Imagine trying to save someone from drowning wearing that lot. The weight of the saturated fabric would mean that local councils would have to employ lifeguards closely resembling Geoff Capes, only exclusively female I suppose to avoid inappropriate touching. Good job we’re letting in all those Eastern Europeans – bound to be a few failed shotputters amongst them who could fit the bill.

    I’m particularly offended that I can still see her smug face.

    I’m amazed that Brackenbabe could fit that sheer amount of cunt into just one paragraph.

  10. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:33 pm   Hunter Hillman

    It gets worse, chaps. There’s a terrible secret lurking in every female, Muslim or not.

    Anyone would think that the female species is a completely pure one that never goes to the toilet

    .

    Plus how to spot a fake charity: It says things you don’t like.

    http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/2009/09/women-go-to-toilet-you-cant-fool-us.html

  11. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:37 pm   Henry's Cat

    First prosecution for ’swimming in a racist manner’ within 12 months I’d say.

    The dhimmitude is strong in town hall jobsworths.

    I’d say it was pretty hard to stay afloat whilst doing the Nazi salute…

  12. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:39 pm   Ceannair

    @Miguel

    I’ve no idea either, but the initials of the first four countries spell “WANK”.

    If you read further, it’s actually WANKS.

    I’m bored today so HYS has been perused more than normal.

    There’s a thread there about mental illness. Say no more.

  13. on 02 Sep 2009 at 2:54 pm   burnel

    I’d like to see John Adair wearing it in combo with his swastika armband in Karachi

  14. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:19 pm   Mr Poo

    Plus how to spot a fake charity: It says things you don’t like.

    http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/2009/09/women-go-to-toilet-you-cant-fool-us.html

    I think my brain just snapped.

  15. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:32 pm   john Adair's Gerbil

    @Dr Feelgood.

    Catholic nuns and watersports.

    Sigh

    You know, before the internet, that sort of stuff was so difficult to come by. Fnarr.

    I’ll get my gimp mask.

  16. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:36 pm   Henry's Cat

    Is it just me that doesn’t actually understand opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot?

    I can’t work out which are quotes, which are his actual opinions, and what he’s actually talking about… What has the NSPCC got to do with the BBC?

    Confused.

  17. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:39 pm   millie

    From Donkeypole:

    I dare say naturists object to the trunks/bathing costume dress code operated by local public baths, too. But I don’t think any of us would think that constitutes an argument for introducing special “Nudie” hours at local swimming pools

    I would. Nay, methinks I’d go even further and emphatically say I think it OUTRAGEOUS that we get forced to wear clothes anywhere.

  18. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:40 pm   Ugly Newt

    Well galvanize my arseflaps and call me a newt’s chute. I come here for the light relief of pointing and laugh at the stupids, but that “muzzie bint” comment was too astounding even for a *headdesk*. It’s drained me of about a day’s will to live.

  19. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:43 pm   millie

    But alas I do conform. I actually have a Burka Bikini myself, but would never refer to it as a ‘Burkini’. That’s just so crass.

  20. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:49 pm   burnel

    @millie – Have you permanently forsaken Blah your branes? Boo Hoo

  21. on 02 Sep 2009 at 3:52 pm   Vauxy

    Henry

    The blog works on the same principle as this one.

    It focuses on and laughs at the crackpot “biasedbbc” website run by nutjobs and laughs at it. Then nutjobs come and furiously poo their splenetic views out there- because they’re such nutjobs.

    Sound familiar?

  22. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:00 pm   Vauxy

    Ah, sorry for too much laughing and laughter in the wrong places.

    As if you can have enough ;-D

  23. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:06 pm   Henry's Cat

    @vauxy

    Heaping scorn upon the BBC by laughing at it twice? With maybe some pointing inbetween? I get it now.

    I only wish Neil could make use of the concept of formatting for clarity.

    blockquotes anyone?

  24. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:09 pm   Henry's Cat

    I meant B-BBC obviously… Doh!

  25. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:26 pm   muzzie bint laden

    I like the sound of Christian (ha-ha) principles. A convivial combining of joviality and Jehova.

    45govt does sound like a hilarious kinda bloke.

  26. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:29 pm   Mim

    I have seen the Christian equivalent of the Burkini and it is a much uglier garment. This issue obviously boils down to simple jealousy.

  27. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:45 pm   Horses fuck horses

    On the “Do lockerbie letters end controversy?” thread. When reading this imagine the voiceover at the end of the episodes of the 1960s Batman TV series..

    This does not end here.

    Are these all the letters?
    Have some been held back?
    Are any letters restricted as ‘Top Secret’?
    Will the press put an end to it?
    Will the ‘boycott’ of Scottish Goods have an affect?
    Will MPs stop putting words into the mouths of others?
    Will those ‘boycotting’ Scotland and everything it has done be discarding the use of Penicillin, The US Navy, Televisions and the Telephone?

    [Everyday_Life], Ipswich, United Kingdom

    What people dont know is that hes sat all day at his computer waiting till it answers him back.

  28. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:49 pm   millie

    @Burnel
    No not permanently. As summer draws to a close (bleh) I’ll be retreating to various virtual old haunts to merrily blah the time away :)

  29. on 02 Sep 2009 at 4:50 pm   Rotwatcher

    I’m sure Hunter Hillman can speak for himself, but as a fan of opinionatedbeyondmyeducation I’d hate it to lose visitors because of a minor formatting issue. The key is this: the stuff in teal at the top is like a header or blurb, full of links to major players like David Vag and others, as well as the source of the article. The quotes from the article are in italic, and obme commentary is in regular.

  30. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:07 pm   handwringing liberal

    I’ve found 45govt blogger profile:

    http://www.blogger.com/profile/10628604286051915366

    His interests include weapons, shooting, shooting animals, historical events involving lots of shooting (WW1 and WW2), films were lots of characters get shot…. Oh, and cocker spaniels.

  31. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:10 pm   Henry's Cat

    I’m fairly terrified of the concept of an ABBA-loving gun fanatic.

  32. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:12 pm   Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Anyone would think that the female species is a completely pure one that never goes to the toilet

    I keep MY purity and reputation intact by shitting in the street.

    I was in JC Penney in Long Beach a couple of years ago, and found some muzzie bint praying to Mecca in the Men’s Levis section. I was so enraged I told her to get herself out in the parking lot if she was going to behave like some alien, and stop offending my Christian (ha-ha) principles. She gathered the hem of her sack and beat it.

    Wow, several years after insulting, frightening and distressing a complete stranger in the middle of a very private and sacred (to her) act, who was all alone, it’s nice to see that really upsetting a woman who was doing you no harm whatsoever is still such a source of great pride to you. My, what a huge penis you must have, 45govt!

    What all these fucking cunt-tards who moan about women wearing burkhas and burkinis REALLY mean is ‘I can’t see their tits’.

    PS It should be spelt burkhini, surely?

  33. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:13 pm   millie

    Now there’s a niche market – films where cocker spaniels get shot.

    He’s not the most prolific of bloggers, is he?

  34. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:16 pm   millie

    I’m fairly terrified of the concept of an ABBA-loving gun fanatic.

    Like this?

  35. on 02 Sep 2009 at 5:20 pm   Jordan (not Syria)

    What all these fucking cunt-tards who moan about women wearing burkhas and burkinis REALLY mean is ‘I can’t see their tits’.

    Nah, not all. For me it’s ‘I can’t SHOW my tits’.

  36. on 02 Sep 2009 at 6:13 pm   Clovis Sangrail

    “muzzie bint” – that’s class that is.
    “Will those ‘boycotting’ Scotland and everything it has done be discarding the use of Penicillin, The US Navy, Televisions and the Telephone?” – OK, I get all the penicillin and tephelone stuff – but the US navy? Can someone explain? Craig perhaps?

  37. on 02 Sep 2009 at 6:33 pm   Cropped trousers

    When I was growing up inthe north-east of England, there was a legendary radio phone-in show on Metro Radio called Night Owls hosted by the, er, well, also legendary Alan Robson. When people phoned in for the first time, they always said, “Hello-Alan-I’m-a-first-time-caller-and-I’m-a-bit-nervous.” Well, I’m-a-first-time-poster-and-I’m-a-bit-nervous. Be nice. I can’t think of any amusing creative terms for zoogynecology but I did like the one a few days ago about the vole’s voluptuous vulva. I have been pondering on whether my own could be described as ‘voluptuous’. I shall ask the next young man I ensnare to pass comment and get back to you.

    Anyway, the US Navy was founded by John Paul Jones from Scotland. Kirkcudbrightshire indeed begad. Sorry, I just couldn’t leave that one for Neil Craig. You understand, of course.

  38. on 02 Sep 2009 at 6:35 pm   YeGods

    I think the founder of the US Navy may have been a Scot.

    Presumably if the German government did something of which we did not approve we should boycott Protestantism (since it was founded by a German).

  39. on 02 Sep 2009 at 6:48 pm   BNPer, Engerland (NOT eu)

    If you pinko lefties like burkinis so much why don’t you go live in Burkino Faso ?

    Eh? Eh?

  40. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:27 pm   john adair

    Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said there was “no conspiracy” leading to the release of the Lockerbie bomber.

    Phew, thats a relief then, for a moment I thought corruption was going on, but Gordons put my mind at rest.

    If he says no conspiracy, then obviously no conspiracy it is.

    He wouldnt lie, would he?

  41. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:38 pm   Any Rand will do

    Us men should attend the Muslim sessions wearing Burkas, then stand at the end of the pool watching the women swim whilst agitating the groin area of the Burka – use their own weapons against them!

    “What are you doing under that Burka Sir?”
    “Me? Nuffin, can’t touch me man, I’m a Muslim – innit”

    Steve Lee London on Sep 1st, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Who says Telegraph readers aren’t both subtle and sophisticated? Any suggestion that they are merely a flange of flatulent fowls’ funniments must be false.

  42. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:51 pm   Mim

    Cropper trousers, Alan Robson is always an acceptable alternative to animal genitalia.

    I have checked wiktionary, the most accurate of all dictionaries, and it yields:

    voluptuous

    Suggestive of or characterized by full, generous, pleasurable sensation.
    (of a woman) Curvaceous, sexy, full-figured.

    Thus a vulva can (and almost invariably does) qualify under the first definition regardless of how closely it matches the second. Good to know.

  43. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:52 pm   Mim

    (Please number those definitions in your head to make up for the fact that my Ordered List tags did sod-all. Thank you.)

  44. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:57 pm   Clovis Sangrail

    @cropped trousers – ta! As for the vulva thing – as long as the next young man doesn’t get voluptuous mixed up with voluminous

  45. on 02 Sep 2009 at 7:59 pm   Clovis Sangrail

    @BNPer “If you pinko lefties like burkinis so much why don’t you go live in Burkino Faso ?” Ouagadougou if you do. I’ll get me burkhini…

  46. on 02 Sep 2009 at 8:05 pm   Aunt Dorothy Adair

    Tell John to come home for his kippers, I’ve cleaned his old nappies, smelled of herring they did.

  47. on 02 Sep 2009 at 8:30 pm   john adair

    I would hope that if ever I was forced to leave my home and become a refugee that I would not meet the xenophobic attitudes that are so prevelant on here.

    Sue Nott

    Recommended by 70 people

    When the British National Party get into power, try going to Saudi Arabia to claim political asylum, carrying your bible, your lesbian girlfriend and your adulteress habits and see where it gets you.

  48. on 02 Sep 2009 at 8:41 pm   Cropped trousers

    @mim
    OMG, you remember Alan Robson too?! I spent many a lovely night under a duvet with Alan and an old tranny. Ah, you didn’t worry about adjectives for your vulva in those happy, happy days. I remember a HYSer in training either side of the midnight news insisting that all IRA members *and their entire families* (aunt by marriage? three year-old nephew?) ought to be interned without trial indefinitely and that Simon Wiesenthal ought to be prosecuted for being so vindictive.

    @clovis
    You’re welcome. And I don’t think the next young man will get as far as confusing voluptuous and voluminous (as if btw) because he’ll probably make his excuses and leave when the actually-quite-scary-as-it-turns-out girl starts demanding that he apostrophise her lady bits.

  49. on 02 Sep 2009 at 8:42 pm   Mr Muckle

    Whenever I hear the term “muzzie”, I’m always reminded of Brookside.
    I think it’s because there was a ‘Musgrove’ family and one of them might have had a nickname that was dangerously close to that.

  50. on 02 Sep 2009 at 9:33 pm   Pirate Pete

    My issue with the burkhini is how utterly unfashionable it must be – the same goes for open-toed sandals worn by men. Just ugh.

    Now, if the subject was leopard-print mankinis, I could go on for hours…

  51. on 02 Sep 2009 at 9:35 pm   Mr Muckle

    My, what a huge penis you must have, 45govt!

    Yeah, I bet it’s totally hench.

  52. on 02 Sep 2009 at 10:04 pm   Mal

    as long as the next young man doesn’t get voluptuous mixed up with voluminous

    Or vulva mixed up with volvo.

    My coat’s on and I’m already half-way out the door.

  53. on 02 Sep 2009 at 11:11 pm   Horses fuck horses

    @mal
    I remember the time I got vulva and volvo mixed up… worst car auction ever

  54. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:30 am   Danny La Rue's ghost

    “I spent many a lovely night under a duvet with Alan and an old tranny.”

    We are intrigued..

  55. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:56 am   An old geordie

    I used to drink with Alan Robson in the Darnell in Newcastle aged 17. I cheated him out of £1.50 playing 3 card brag back in ‘73. he was a tosser then & he is a tosser now.

  56. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:13 am   Mrs Slocombe's Cunt

    Alan Robson: terrible memories.

    Truly he is tench’s stench trench.

  57. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:14 am   Mrs Slocombe's Cunt

    Missed out an “a” but you get the idea.

  58. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:20 am   Pedanticus Potts

    @ john adair.

    “adulteress habits” ?

    There’s a prescribed dress code for today’s adulteress about town is there? Could you describe the appearance of said garments?

    Or is it possible that you meant ‘adulterous’ but have literacy issues?

  59. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:40 am   Mim

    Somewhere there is a photo of my mum with Alan Robson which I treasure and she hates. Most people may not know who he is, but he looks stupid enough to make it shaming anyway.

    I suspect that Night Owls may have led directly to HYS in the horrified-fascination bit of my brain, so I can blame Alan Robson for quite a lot.

  60. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:03 pm   Charles Exford, Oxton

    I may be missing something here, but surely one can’t have a lesbian girlfriend AND adulteress (sic) habits?

    Oh, wait, I’m missing the fact that “john adair” is a brain-damaged pissweasel. Silly me.

    In any case, if I were going to become a refugee from the BNP, I’d try Canada: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/sep/01/canada-south-africa-asylum-seeker

  61. on 08 Sep 2009 at 4:15 pm   Vish

    This from today’s HYS about terror bombs and planes and the usual crap…
    Ban brown people from 1st Class!!!!!!!

    On a recent flight across the pond we were upgraded to executive first class – yes really! Was wonderful – no complaints at all – we were very fortunate.

    One thing worried me though – we were nearest to the pilot eating with metal knives and forks…………

    Could a well dressed and well spoken terrorist fly first class?

    Sarah Crombey, Bath, United Kingdom

  62. on 09 Sep 2009 at 3:16 pm   sandra742

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

  63. on 11 Sep 2009 at 10:50 am   Andrew

    I eat foxes after I have bummed them. And at the weekend I like ride a horse and hunt children with a pack of slightly large hungry cats.

    I have no nose.