Hypocrites and Outsiders03 Sep 2009 09:02 am
By Nelson

The Daily Mail and its shitting bumwank of comment monkeys are all angry and confused again. This time it’s because Stewart Lee has done some very naughty material about Richard Hammond and his car crash.

I’m fairly convinced it’s the Daily Mail readers who are responsible for all those HYS comments that can’t distinguish between art and reality, whether that’s films, books, TV or comedy. No wonder it’s a bit light on culture. They probably get halfway through a play before running, screaming, to the nearest police station to breathlessly report that some Danish immigrant just knifecrimed Ophelia’s dad through a curtain.

Thanks to Rob for finding Lizzy here, merrily blathering away with so little self-awareness you wonder whether she was actually awake when she typed it.

I always follow this golden rule:

“If you can’t say something nice about somebody, don’t say anything at all.”

Thank goodness I’ve never seen this excuse for a human being – and, in future, I will go out of my way to miss him.
I hope his career goes straight down the toilet.
- Lizzy, W.London, 30/8/2009 3:04

“A” for effort, Lizzy. That was the best you could do.

I’ve not heard Stewart Lee’s current show so I don’t know what he was on about. I suspect he was either making a point about something, being very funny about something or, quite likely, both. I’m not sure how much I can be arsed to wish car crashes on Richard Hammond but I’m sure that I don’t subscribe to the idea proposed by the Daily Mail’s “readers” that Hammond’s car crash is something you “wouldn’t wish on anyone”. I don’t think there’s really anything in that category to be honest. Just try and think of something that you wouldn’t wish on anyone. Got it? Right, now imagine it happening to, say, Richard fucking Perle or Tony shitting Blair? Suddenly it’s ok isn’t it? In fact, I think I’ve mentioned before that I’d like people to stop using the phrase “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone” and replace it with the phrase “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone except Melanie Phillips” e.g.

A: Apparently, there’s a tropical disease that makes your nose go all flaky and drop off and then, where your nose used to be, you grow a little, poorly cock instead! Look, I found a picture of it on the fucking internet.
B: Urgh. I just sicked up in my mouth a little bit. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone except Melanie Phillips. I hope her nose falls off and then she grows a little, poorly cock there instead. A cock like a horrible toe.

389 Responses to “If You Can’t Say Anything Nice About Somebody, It’s Probably Melanie Phillips”

  1. on 03 Sep 2009 at 9:29 am DA PC BRIGADE

    I’ve seen Lee’s show. The Hammond comments are part of a larger routine making a point about how cocks like Jeremy Clarkson are always saying horrible things about people and then saying “It’s just a joke!” when called on it. So, as you say, Daily Mail readers completely missing the point. All this from the same paper which wrote a review slagging off Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist without actually seeing the movie!

    Speaking of which, I hope Melanie Phillips is compelled to make like a Gainsbourgh and take a pair of rusty scissors to her fetid mimsy.

  2. on 03 Sep 2009 at 9:46 am Apricot Split

    SYB Exclusive Exposé: Daily Mail takes event out of context, and misleads its readers into missing the point, shock horror!. Read all about it!

    Regarding Ms Phillips’ opinions on foreigners, who is worse: her or the rag that encourages and prints her bile?

  3. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:00 am Cheb Ghobbi Adair

    Apricot, I’d really rather not think about Melanie Phillips’ bile rag, thanks.

  4. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:00 am Nicolas Papaconstantinou

    Apricot Split: All of them. They are all worse. ALL OF THEM.

    Love the post… though the comment from Lizzy is my favourite bit. It takes most bad journalists/columnists/Fox anchors at least a few hundred words to contradict themselves, in principle or practice…

    Lizzy manages it in just over fifty!

  5. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:03 am Andrew Hickey

    And of course, the fact that Lee’s wife is currently doing a show called ‘My Daily Mail Hell’ has nothing whatsoever to do with their sudden fascination with him…

  6. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:33 am john adair

    I think Melanie Phillips’ would make a wonderful MP, she gets my vote everytime. The next Maggie Thatcher even, who know’s.

  7. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:40 am Owen

    Why haven’t the comments to an actual Melanie Philips column been SYB’d yet? Would it just be too easy?

  8. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:41 am milliny

    who is worse: her or the rag that encourages and prints her bile?

    Not just on the rag, Mel P makes appearances on the radio ‘n all.

  9. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:53 am Shackleton

    And of course, the fact that Lee’s wife is currently doing a show called ‘My Daily Mail Hell’ has nothing whatsoever to do with their sudden fascination with him…

    They needn’t worry, it’s not very good. Lee’s show, on the other hand, was probably one of the most intelligent and funny things I’ve ever seen; the man’s a comedy genius, no doubt.

  10. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:54 am Theodore

    I have never read the Daily Mail but have this immense disgust for it – I know I am being as crap as Mel P and the withered wizard’s sleeve that is Lizzie from West London but I base my prejudice on the arseholes who I see reading it.

  11. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:04 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @Theodore – that’s not prejudice, that’s plain common sense.

  12. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:08 am Chris

    Owen

    Why haven’t the comments to an actual Melanie Philips column been SYB’d yet? Would it just be too easy?

    Something along the lines of not going to a sewage works and pointing out all the shit. Besides, Littlecock and Melanie Philips (insert joke about screw being loose, Philips screwdriver, whatever) just attract comments like this:

    Well done, Richard/Melanie! You tell it like it is! You should run for government! I’d vote for you!

    Etc. It’s pretty awful. If either of them actually lived in Britain long enough in the year to be able to run, you’d have cause for concern. But they don’t, because they’re a pair of cunts who get all their information about the state of the UK from the Daily Mail. And then they spew out the same kind of frightened nonsense derived from the Daily Mail in, yes, the pages of the Daily Mail.

    It’s like a giant feedback loop made entirely out of piss and diarrhoea.

  13. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:17 am Oaf

    I have never read The Daily Mail. Except for the cartoons – I like Garfield.

    Oh, and I sometimes read some of the other stuff and look at the pictures.

    Did anyone see that story last week about that bloke who………

  14. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:20 am wringhim

    I must confess, I have never heard of this Richard Hammond guy, but if his actions have prompted someone like Stewart Lee to react in this way then I am glad I have never watched this Top Gear programme. It makes me shudder to think what kind of appalling television it is. I feel really sorry for Stewart Lee for being provoked into such an attack by the makers of this programme. Is there any way we can complain to the BBC about the negative impact this programme and its presenters are having on the public?

    All right, own up, which one of you posted that?

  15. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:21 am wringhim

    (that’s Ahmed from Ilford, so he’s obviously a terrorist trying to bring down our civilisation)

  16. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:21 am funny peculiar

    I am 100% certain the DM’s marketing dept analyse the public comments of DM online to learn how they can fit the maximum possible number of knee-jerk emotions into each article. As any fule kno, DM trolls read the DM to stoke their irrational fires of bitterness and hatred. But then they return to the DM online and vomit it back up.

    Soooooooooo, if the DM gets better and better at producing articles stuffed to the gunnels with ‘outrage’ ‘disgust’ ‘self-righteousness’ ‘xenophobia’ etc, and their furious readers keep hurling more and more rage back at them; in the end it will create an unstoppable vortex of reciprocity culminating in everybody’s head exploding. :-)

    But of course, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

  17. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:25 am millie

    What’s worse, the Daily Heil or Daily Express? (Never read the Express, I just know someone who does and he’s a wily wasp’s wee-hole.)

  18. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:28 am Jamie

    And of course, the fact that Lee’s wife is currently doing a show called ‘My Daily Mail Hell’ has nothing whatsoever to do with their sudden fascination with him…

    Then there’s this amazing attack on Richard Littlejohn. Who I think could be added to the list of people you’d wish tropical nose-cock disease on:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K21e7po1Sro

  19. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:37 am Settle down class Professor Craig's here

    “some Danish immigrant just knifecrimed Ophelia’s dad through a curtain”

    My guess is that most Mail readers, not being given to PC euphemisims would say “stabbed”

  20. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:37 am Rotwatcher

    That poisonous fucking cunt-tard Mel P has a “blog” in The Spectator – just in case anyone wanted to ignore her somewhere else beside The Daily Heil

  21. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:38 am funny peculiar

    Shit, Chris, you beat me again…

  22. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:46 am Howler Monkey

    “some Danish immigrant just knifecrimed Ophelia’s dad through a curtain”

    My guess is that most Mail readers, not being given to PC euphemisims would say “stabbed” – Neil

    It’s like watching a sloth auditioning for a job in The Magnificent Flying Gibbons Trapeze Act, isn’t it?

    (‘not being given to PC eupemisms’ – wtf!?)

  23. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:57 am Mim

    Ah millie, the age-old Heil/Express question. I have never read either of them so here is my considered opinion: the Express has if anything more hate but also more sheer batshit-crazy and a lower readership, so the Mail has seeped its poison into more minds and is thus more harmful.

    I have met seemingly normal people who read the Mail and have their potentially reasonable minds altered in evil ways by it, but I have never encountered an Express reader who wasn’t pretty much irredeemably wrong in the head. Except that obviously I don’t think anyone is irredeemable because I am a disgusting hippy. (Except Melanie Phillips, obviously.)

  24. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:02 pm Ceannair

    It pains me to reply to the rancid raccoon’s ringpiece that is “Professor” Fuckwit Craig but here we go.

    “some Danish immigrant just knifecrimed Ophelia’s dad through a curtain”

    Hamlet was set in Denmark – Ophelia and Polonius were both Danish, as was Hamlet.

    Therefore there was no immigration involved.

    Unless you count when Hamlet sailed off with Rozencrantz and Guildenstern, but you’d need to consult Professor T Stoppard for more data.

    Look, I’ll out-Shakespeare you all the live long fucking day Craig so quit while you’re behind, eh son ?

  25. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:09 pm Chris

    I’m sorry, but are the Beeb taking the piss by asking should the EU welcome more refugees?

    Obviously not. BRITAIN’S FULL. Fuck actually reading the content. BRITAIN’S FULL.

    Hold on, I’m not done. NO MORE EU. GET OUT NOW. NO TO THE EURO. BRING OUR TROOPS HOME. NO TO ZANU LIEBOUR. WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF LONDONISTAN. NO MORE MUSLIM. VOTE BNP. BRITAIN’S FULL.

    I know I’ve said Britain’s full a few times now, but apparently it’s really important that we realise Britain is full. It’s mentioned a lot, so it must be a priority.

    We can start easing the population crisis by kicking people off the edge. Start in the north and work your way down.

  26. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:10 pm markie126

    “I’ll out-Shakespeare”

    Why, was he a big gay-er?

  27. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:13 pm markie126

    Well bugger me backwards….

    Loving this….

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8234637.stm

  28. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:13 pm millie

    @Mim
    Ta for the explanation. I’m intrigued now. Off to see if I can read one over someone’s shoulder in a public place.

  29. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:14 pm artofthestate

    Ceannair, not sure I can let you get away with that one. I think the whole point is the inability to distinguish between life and art, so if they could tell the play was set in Denmark in the first place, they’d be demonstrating that ability.

    I’ve also seen Lee’s show. He says some much ‘worse’ but even funnier things about Jeremy Clarkson’s daughters’ ability to see…

  30. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:16 pm funny peculiar

    There was the small matter of the massive immigration of 10,000 Norweigan soldiers. Laertes emmigrated to France and Ronaldo tailed him (he played for Paris St Germain). Hamlet had previously emigrated to Germany but that was most retrograde in his parents opinion. R+G immigrated from Wittenberg to Elsinore and bypassed immigration ‘cos it was the king who sent for them. err… Horatio was a filthy immigrant. Claudius employed Swiss guards, what’s wrong with Danish soldiers thank you very much, screamed the Daily Copenhaag Mail.

    But I grant you, none of these were immigrants to the UK. And the UK gov executed R+G when they got off the ferry at Dover for smelling of garlic sausage. Probably not a nu-labour government in the 1590s.

  31. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:22 pm Chris

    markie126

    Well bugger me backwards….

    Loving this….

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8234637.stm

    The funniest thing about that article is that it doesn’t mention that the woman in question was awarded $17,000 in compensation for unfair dismissal.

    It’s almost like they’re telling you how to avoid friction so you don’t get a massive payout.

    1) Use CAPITAL LETTERS and highlight in red in emails to colleagues.
    2) Make sure you’re singled out as a scapegoat because you’re doing your job right and everyone else is, frankly, too stupid to do theirs right to the point where you, as the only competent employee in the fucking building, et frustrated enough to have to SEND EMAILS IN BLOCK CAPITALS AND IN BLOOD RED, THE SEMIOTIC EQUIVALENT OF PUTTING You’re a cunt IN THE SUBJECT LINE.
    3) ???
    4) Profit.

  32. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:23 pm artofthestate

    funny peculiar, not sure I can let you get away with that one. Danish ferries arrive at Folkestone.

  33. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:32 pm funny peculiar

    But the ferry was attacked by pirates of very warlike appointment! (fuckin Somalians), driven off course and forced to make an unscheduled stop at Dover for repairs. See.

  34. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:34 pm Chris

    funny peculiar, not sure I can let you get away with that one.

  35. on 03 Sep 2009 at 12:45 pm offensive_mango

    See also “Steve, Here-there”‘s comment at 30/8/2009 21:17, which begins:

    “I would never wish ill on anyone. That man should get ill as a result of this and just see what it’s like.”

    and continues:

    “We should all look out for each other and forgive each other our wrongs. And anyone who can’t forgive should be sent away from decent society.”

    followed by:

    “It makes me so angry all this . . . Grrrrr!”

    PEOPLE! Which thing is it that you believe? Please decide before posting!

  36. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:08 pm dirigible

    Hamlet was set in Denmark

    If a Daily Heil reader is watching a performance of the first play titled through a sponsorship deal with a cigar manufacturer then the play is not being performed in Denmark, it’s being performed somewhere in England. Therefore to the mind of the Daily Mail Reader, who as we can see from the examples given above has difficulty differentiating reality from fantasy, the actor playing the part of a Dane will appear to be an immigrant as the Dane (real to the Daily Mail reader) is in England (where the play is being performed) not Denmark (where the play is set).

    For the purposes of this discussion the Daily Mail reader’s inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality extends only to people, not stage settings. Indeed without this distinction the humour of the original utterance is greatly weakened or even lost.

    There is a precedent for this division in the social history of the reception of performances of Shakespeare’s plays; statistically speaking more people have been overwhelmed by the emotional reality of the performances of Shakespearean actors than by the situational veracity of Shakespearean stage sets.

    Therefore the context of the original utterance leads us to conclude that the division between the apprehension of the reality of character and location by the Daily Mail reader is the root of its intended humorous content rather than a failure to credit the Daily Mail reader than a failure to not make the distinction for whatever reason.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to facepalm.

    - Dirigible, professor of Scatology at the City University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

  37. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:16 pm Kurious Orange

    I have also never read either the Daily Mail or the Daily Express, but I’d like to point out that they’re both hate-filled BNP propaganda rags that are responsible for all the evil in the world. Luckily, reading the Daily Mail gives you cancer.

    I also don’t know who Melanie Phillips is, or anything at all about her. Despite that, I’d like to say that she’s a hateful cow and, I expect, slightly more harmful than Hitler in a giant mechanical robot suit fitted with Jew-seeking missiles.

  38. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:17 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Hey Craig – nice to have you back. “Knifecrimed” is not a PC euphemism – it’s a mocking pisstake of the obsession with the bugbear ‘knifecrime’ that stalks our streets. It’s a big bugbear, in a hoody, with a clawed hand clutching a koran and dripping swine flu and diabetes from its cock-like nose. It probably says “innit” a lot, and, of course, it has dark skin.

  39. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:36 pm Cheb Ghobbi (in disguise as Catherine Oliver)

    I have nothing to say about the Daily Mail as I never read it.

  40. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:40 pm john adair

    It would if it wasn’t a complete myth – you can find the statistics for non-eu residents receiving treatment online and basically its a tiny drop in the ocean that barely dents the NHS Budget.

    But thats not what you wanyt to believe is it?

    [Laughingattheracists], livinginabritainofhope

    A group of HIV positive illegals from South africa has cost the state and NHS over 100, million pounds over the last ten years to care for, cant send em home cos of Yuman Rights, Thats a huge amount

    Steve Day

    It would be much cheaper to let them die, political correctness gone mad.

  41. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:47 pm millie

    There are as many people here keen to point they never read the Heil as there are people on HYS pretending to have read 1984. Fact! (stranger than fiction)

  42. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:51 pm john adair

    There are as many people here keen to point they never read the Heil as there are people on HYS pretending to have read 1984. Fact! (stranger than fiction)

    All the originals on here get their world view from the Guardian newspaper. I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate.
    Middle class champagne socialists living in their ivory towers.

    FACT!

  43. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:53 pm funny peculiar

    Actually, Mim, I don’t think anyone reads the Mail. It’s only people’s mothers who read it, isn’t it? not people themselves.

  44. on 03 Sep 2009 at 1:54 pm funny peculiar

    (sorry, meant ‘Millie’, not ‘Mim’.)

  45. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:04 pm Ugly Newt

    I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate. Middle class champagne socialists living in their ivory towers.

    I suspect you’ve never had the pleasure of visiting one of our ivory towers. Fair knackers the knees, all that climbing, and when you’ve got a full bladder from all the champagne, the cleaning staff (forruns working for below minimum wage, naturally) can’t get out of the way fast enough.

  46. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:19 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    I have to admit, I regularly read the Daily Heil and the Heil on Sunday, but only at my mother in laws as we have to visit every Sunday and it saves me talking to them,plus I do get a well rounded view of what the general BNP voter is thinking. @john adair, I do live on a sink estate (and quite like it) and I get my news from a variety of sources, and then subjectivley make my own mind up who is telling the truth-Middle class I may be, but I don’t like champagne.

  47. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:20 pm Kurious Orange

    All the originals on here get their world view from the Guardian newspaper. I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate.

    Oh, we have! It’s just that we perceive it a bit differently to you. We see a deprived area that’s badly in need of help. If only the government would listen to people like us instead of pandering to the Daily Heil, poverty could be eradicated in a generation.

  48. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:29 pm Shackleton

    I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate.

    I live in a sink estate, John, but you never visit. We’re all waiting here, me and all my brown friends. It’s Ramadan at the moment, why not come and join the celebrations?

  49. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:41 pm john adair

    I live in a sink estate, John, but you never visit. We’re all waiting here, me and all my brown friends. It’s Ramadan at the moment, why not come and join the celebrations?

    Dont worry, me and my friends will be round as soon as the BNP win the elections. We have a bit of “sink cleaning” to do.
    Then the estates will once again be fit to house the indigenous population.

  50. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:45 pm Mr Cat

    That Daily mail comments thing is fascinating.

    In the comment recommmendations you can clearly track a demographic timeline of visits and recommendations to see how opinion on the story has evolved.

    The opening “comments” slagging off Lee get hundreds of recommendations from the knee jerks who log on every day to have their opinions assigned to them – similarly the knee jerks immediately stamp their red downward arrows on those with the temerity to defend or concur with Lee.

    So then the regular knee jerks start to move onto other stories (“ooh must see what Littlejohn is telling me to think”). Meanwhile the comedy value of the story makes the URL a bit viral and it gets passed around to sites like this. Suddenly external vititors are flooding in and the balance tips the other way.

    There is the tipping point right here:

    I’m sorry, but no matter what you think of someone this is disgusting. Can you imagine how Hammond’s children would feel if they read/heard such a thing about their father. I’m all for pushing the boundaries in comedy, making people think and stretch their minds as to what they find funny – crossing the line. However, talking so intently about how he’d wished another human being had died is just not funny, especially when Hammond suffered seriously in that accident but has recovered against the odds. Stewart Lee obviously has something lacking in his own life.
    - Rachel, Northants, 30/8/2009 9:35

    1008 positive recommendations – I think that’s the most in the thread

    The next brane an hour later sees the tide turn:

    Comedy? Think the man is a sick idiot, and a 20 minute tirade for which people pay to watch says a lot about him and his type of audience.
    - Alison, Cardiff, 30/8/2009 10:36

    6 negative recommendations

    From then on numbers are low but any comment in praise of Lee gets thumbs up and any comment in praise of Hammond gets thumbs down.

    And virtually all of this takes place over one day (30th August).

    I wish I could write an essay on that story and its comments.

  51. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:52 pm EGB's Smelly Sox

    I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate.

    I except loads of us here did, I certainly grew up in one, and yet I didn’t grow up to be a bitter old cunt, neither doesn’t it appear anyone else has apart from yourself. In fact, the whole point was to grow up to be a decent person despite the setbacks. That was regarded as an a win, and the bitter old cunts were regarded as losers.

    So, no, we’re not in ivory towers, although it may look like that from the perspective of bottom of the mental hole you’ve been digging for yourself.

  52. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:53 pm Douglas

    ignore these idiots, this man has some perspective on the issue

    This is in appalling taste, but it is nothing compared to what the arrogant atheist Lee had to say about Jesus Christ, our saviour and redeemer, in his so called Opera “Jerry Springer” . Did Richard Hammond feed the sick and make the dead to rise? Did he walk upon the water? No! Only one man could do those things and his name wasn’t Hammond but Christ.

    To put all this in perspective:- Jesus Christ died for our sins.
    Richard Hammond nearly died playing silly beggars in a car.

    - Stephen Green, Caermaen, Wales, 30/8/2009 21:10

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1209921/What-prompted-comedians-tirade-old-schoolmate-Richard-Hammond.html#ixzz0Q3ETLNQQ

  53. on 03 Sep 2009 at 2:56 pm Cheb Ghobbi

    John Adair

    I still half-believe you are a regular SYBer posing as the real John Adair. If not I’d just like to tell you that you are a cunt of the highest order.

  54. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:00 pm john adair

    John Adair

    I still half-believe you are a regular SYBer posing as the real John Adair. If not I’d just like to tell you that you are a cunt of the highest order.

    With a name like Cheb Ghobbi, I am sure you do, after all, turkeys donr like christmas. Google Stormfront, you will find many like me.

  55. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:02 pm Mr Cat

    FYI I’m certain it’s the real John Adair – he’s well aware of SYB and BYB and regularly turns up to bait an troll people here. Unfortunately many people also seem incapable of ignoring him, like that Neil Craig – so these threads end up like dull tug-of-wars instead of funny comments about HYS idiocy.

  56. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:11 pm History Crow

    I owe my name to Mr Lee. Squark squark! Hello children, it’s me, Histor! The one eyed pirate time travelling history crow! Walk the plank, Pliny!

    ahem

    I don’t understand the HYSers writing “elf n safety” or “yooman rights”. Why the funny accent?

  57. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:12 pm Cheb Ghobbi

    With a name like Cheb Ghobbi, I am sure you do, after all, turkeys donr like christmas. Google Stormfront, you will find many like me.

    I’m actually a fellow honky. There’s a long story behind this moniker.

    And yes, I’m aware of Stormfront, and yes, it is full of cunts like you.

  58. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:13 pm john adairs old headmaster

    FYI I’m certain it’s the real John Adair – he’s well aware of SYB and BYB and regularly turns up to bait an troll people here. Unfortunately many people also seem incapable of ignoring him, like that Neil Craig – so these threads end up like dull tug-of-wars instead of funny comments about HYS idiocy.

    He was just as bad at school, always taunting the more “coloured” pupils, until they filled him in. In the end the beatings only made him worse. Then the was the unfortunate incident with his mother, but the less said about that the better.

  59. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:14 pm Chris

    All the originals on here get their world view from the Guardian newspaper. I also suspect that none of them have ever had the pleasure of visiting a sink estate.

    I’m not an original, but I am banned from the Grauniad for calling Hadley Freeman an unfunny talentless cunt who should have stuck to her subject rather than pretend she was qualified to talk about anything but dresses and camera whores. The original beef was her knowledge of TV comedy and cartoons, but I extended it to her spunking out unqualified opinions on economics, too.

    She’s a real useless cunt, and one reason why the Graun went downhill. She said that I’d better not start, she was from “tough stock” – a New York Jewess who went to Oxford. Wow, you’d shit yourself if you came across her in the street… I mean, what a faux pas if you stabbed her in the eye with a fork from the inside of the place setting.

    I also called Tanya Gold a fat dyke, and questioned the fact that she constantly claims she doesn’t care that she’s fat, but writes about nothing but being a fat woman.

    I don’t think it helped when I called them both hypocrites for writing for the Guardian AND the Mail, either.

    I hope all this helps. I just fucking hate journalists by default – especially opinion writers and partisan fuckwits like Richard Littlejohn and Polly Toynbee – and cunts who get their opinions from opinion writers. Smug, self-satisfied little cuntbubbles and nothing but part of an old boys network and, worst of all, too stupid to realise that they’re no better than the people they comment on for it.

    Not that I think I’m any better, but I’m damn sure that I’m better than a pair of cunts like Freeman and Gold. At least people like Craig are entertaining. Most hacks for the nationals are just arrogant pricks who happened to go to the right school.

    So yeah, whether or not you’re the real john adair, or whether you’re a-dairing impersonator (haha)…

    …don’t confuse hacks with real people. I mean, it’s hard to confuse the average HYSer with a Mail hack – usually because even a Mail hack can string a fucking sentence together.

    But I guess therein lies the difference, eh?

  60. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:14 pm Mim

    Oh good, Stephen Green showed up. I was worried he’d died. Stewart Lee mentioned and no Christian outrage? It just wouldn’t be right.

    I do love the way that the knee-jerk response to any sign of filthy liberalism is that we must all be middle-class Guardian readers. I think it’s based on an assumption that difference of opinion is caused solely by imbibing opinions wholesale from a different newspaper. Which is only mostly true and at least 0.2% of my opinions involved my own input.

  61. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:14 pm Shackleton

    FYI I’m certain it’s the real John Adair – he’s well aware of SYB and BYB and regularly turns up to bait an troll people here. Unfortunately many people also seem incapable of ignoring him, like that Neil Craig

    Yes, apologies for that, but the ‘council-estate-lad-made-good’ chip on my shoulder shouted right in my ear “don’t let that ignorant cunt’s mouth-shite slide Shack!” so, I, well. I took the bait, didn’t I?

    The dark days are behind me now though!

    On another note though, notice Mr Green from Caermaen peddling religious nonsense as if it’s fact. Funny, that’s what all those brown people seem to do ‘n’ all. Only they’re better, ‘cos they do it with more conviction.

  62. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:19 pm Cheb Ghobbi

    Uuuuurggh, Stephen Green…he deserves a suitably mythical Animal Fanny designation…

    …hmmm…

    ooh! He’s a Cerberus’s sweaty Cervix.

  63. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:22 pm Clovis Sangrail

    No,no, that’s not the real JA! He’s honed his mockery of the lefty pc handwringers far too well. He’s great. And if he is the real JA, then,well, I think he’s got the joke, unlike Craig. Sit back, enjoy his posts, and don’t reply with any seriousness.
    @Chris – terrible confession but I quite fancy Hadley Freeman.

  64. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:25 pm Clovis Sangrail

    By the way – as a lefty pc handwringer, I would speak out in supportof ‘JA’ wouldn’t I? Tchoh – wishy washy bastard, grow a spine

  65. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:29 pm Dyke

    Chris, your comments about Tanya Gold may be justified, but I do wish some people on SYB would come out of the dark ages and stop thinking ‘gay’ or ‘dyke’ are insults. Frankly, I rather like being a dyke, and I’d find it a bit odd if someone thought they were insulting me by using it.

    I suppose I’m going to get labelled some variety of animal fanny for being so humourless.

    *sigh*

    Could you make it an animal’s anus instead? As above, I don’t tend to find ladybits so disgusting that they should be used to name the likes of john adair.

    Apologies for the humourless post, but it is the one thing that grates me a little bit about this place. And I know I can feel free to fuck off, but I do quite like it here.

  66. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:29 pm Admiral Grovworth, III

    He’s a Cerberus’s sweaty Cervix.

    Do they have three of those, too?

  67. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:31 pm Chris

    Clovis Sangrail

    @Chris – terrible confession but I quite fancy Hadley Freeman.

    Well, here’s a little pic of the hypocritical piece of mutton dressed up as a particularly unfashionable lamb, courtesy of the Daily Mail.

    http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06_01/HadFreemanFML_228x467.jpg

    Enjoy wanking over that, and her email at the Guardian is just her name @guardian.co.uk.

    I’m sure she’d be thrilled to know you’re spilling some kind of bodily over her. After all, in her experience her personality and crusty minge would even put Tanya Gold off munching her carpet.

  68. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:31 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    Christian outrage,Daily Mail mouthpieces (or should that be ringpieces in Mr Adair’s case),knee jerk reactionaries and Class War-excellent, I have missed this place whilst away. Go on give us more, I really don’t feel like working anymore today in my nice middle management position, before sloping off to my sink estate home to batter the wife, swear at the kids and drink my 10 cans of Special.

  69. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:38 pm Clovis Sangrail

    @Chris “Enjoy wanking over that”
    Well, you spoiled that by mentioning Tanya Gold in the same post. Shudder. No email needed though – I may be a wanker but I’m not a stalker.

  70. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:40 pm Chris

    Dyke

    Chris, your comments about Tanya Gold may be justified, but I do wish some people on SYB would come out of the dark ages and stop thinking ‘gay’ or ‘dyke’ are insults. Frankly, I rather like being a dyke, and I’d find it a bit odd if someone thought they were insulting me by using it.

    I suppose I’m going to get labelled some variety of animal fanny for being so humourless.

    Hmm…

    …hold on, I’m just coming up with some kind of smart-arsed justification for it…

    …it’s a recourse to an insult not because being gay is necessarily a bad thing, but because she’s not gay.

    Rather, she’s stuck in an awkward place in the world where she’s not attracted to women, but isn’t attractive to men.

    So what she does is concentrate her entire being on two facets of her sexuality: first, her desire to be attractive – either to actually not be a tub of lard, or to have her lardiness accepted as attractive by society; and secondly, her opinion that men only want beautiful, brainless women.

    Calling Tanya Gold a dyke in this sense, Dyke, is rather like holding out a delicious piece of cake in front of her… everything in the world tells her that she should be eating this cake, but she can’t. There’s nothing wrong with the cake, but because of her own faults, Tanya can’t have it.

    How’s that?

  71. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:45 pm john adair

    Chris, your comments about Tanya Gold may be justified, but I do wish some people on SYB would come out of the dark ages and stop thinking ‘gay’ or ‘dyke’ are insults. Frankly, I rather like being a dyke, and I’d find it a bit odd if someone thought they were insulting me by using it.

    Being gay or a dyke is a mental illness, as this HYS’er demontrates

    There are so many different types of states of mental health, that it is fairer to say that there is no such thing as a “mental health condition”, rather that we all make up the diversity of the human race.

    Here in the UK, some mental health conditions are celebrated (eg homosexuality), some are criminalised (eg paedophilia), and some are “treated” with medicine in the hope that they can be “cured” (eg schizophrenia).

    I think we all need to adopt a fresh attitude towards mental health.

    Chao Chee Bai, Third world, United Kingdom

    Lock up all gays and dykes in asylums where they belong, that’s what I say.

  72. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:48 pm Chris

    john adair

    Lock up all gays and dykes in asylums where they belong, that’s what I say.

    Would you prefer them in asylums, or in the closet with you?

  73. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:52 pm funny peculiar

    I find that reading John Adair’s posts imagining he is George from Rainbow (the shy, pink, slightly camp hippo) makes his posts almost perfect.

  74. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:53 pm john adair

    I wonder where all the nurses who came from abroad will go if they are made unemployed?

    Wernher von Braun, had a doctorate in physics too!

    On our dole, in our council houses at our expense.

    COMMENT STATUS:Awaiting moderation

    Awaiting moderation, I wonder why. censored for telling the truth.

  75. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:55 pm john adair

    I find that reading John Adair’s posts imagining he is George from Rainbow (the shy, pink, slightly camp hippo) makes his posts almost perfect.

    Whatever floats your boat, I can dress up and come round in person for a large fee, a very large fee.

  76. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:56 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @john adair, oh bravo, how did I not expect you to agree with a tosser like that-If we are going down the route of what ‘being’ being a mental illness, then do we say that all Christians are credulous fools and should be treated to ECT? are all people who support a football team suffering from some form of loneliness and looking for a surrogate family? Also if we are to ‘lock ‘em all up’, where are the prisons going to be built? Your back yard maybe? cos all the others are full of thieving,sponging, dole scum and immugrunts.

  77. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:57 pm Dyke

    Chris – yeah, that’ll do nicely.

    Johnny boy – I quite agree. In fact, I’m having depraved homosexualist fantasies about this asylum of yours, where I’m locked up with all the other gays and dykes, bound together by our filthy desires…. ahem.

    But I’m sure you were too, eh?

  78. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:58 pm Mim

    Quite right, Ms Dyke. My voluptuous vulva is quite offended by many of the comparisons herein. And I generally agree with your post but can call you a racoon’s raw rancid ringpiece anyway if you like.

  79. on 03 Sep 2009 at 3:58 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @funny peculiar, thank you, a snot and coffee all over the keyboard moment there.

  80. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:00 pm millie

    Hahahaha. Just clicked on that link. Hadley Freeman is about as sexy as my Aunty Maureen (she got no dress sense either).

    I do think it’s unfair that men who shag men get called ‘gay’ and us girlies get lumbered with the harsh-sounding word ‘dyke’. Still, we’ve come a long way from the days of Queen Vic not taking it seriously.

  81. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:02 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    Wernher von Braun, had a doctorate in physics too!

    ,
    are you advocating then, John, that we ship all of our unemployed medical staff to America? That’s where Werner ended up.

  82. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:03 pm Mr Cat

    That mental illness jibe is so yesterday… literally.

    http://blahyourbranes.invisionplus.net/?mforum=blahyourbranes&showtopic=839

  83. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:04 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Kneejerk

    I too grew up on a sink estate.

    Now, I’m so fucking well-off I got Sky+ HD just so I could not subscribe to Sky Sports and watch the Ashes.

    And I think Chao Chee Bai is a Kadir-Buxton methodist.

    @Dyke – Lapwing’s lovely ladybits?

  84. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:05 pm Dyke

    “I do think it’s unfair that men who shag men get called ‘gay’ and us girlies get lumbered with the harsh-sounding word ‘dyke’.”

    Particularly since one of the most famous dykes was famous for having a little boy’s finger in it. Not the sort of image we wish to promote.

  85. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:06 pm millie

    Whatever floats your boat, I can dress up and come round in person for a large fee, a very large fee.

    I know a very large Fee. Bet she’d love you to dress up for her John.

  86. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:06 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @john Adair’s Gerbil, more coffee and snot on the keyboard, and I had only just cleaned up the last lot.

  87. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:08 pm Apricot Split

    I wonder where all the nurses who came from abroad will go if they are made unemployed?

    Wernher von Braun, had a doctorate in physics too!

    On our dole, in our council houses at our expense.

    After looking after OUR sick and paying OUR taxes and OUR National Insurance.

  88. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:09 pm Zippy

    Is there any way of blanking out John Adairs posts? I realise SYBers like free speech an’ all, but I’m bored of reading through his drivel to get to the good bits. Fact.

  89. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:11 pm Ugly Newt

    Being gay or a dyke is a mental illness, as this HYS’er demontrates<snip>

    Like many a net.loon before you, you have mistaken “claim” for “show, prove, demonstrate”. I’d be interested to see which techniques you employ next.

    Have you considered calling everyone that disagrees with you a retard? Keeping a list of your critics? Copy-pasting paragraphs of your own previous drivel in response to questions that are too hard for you?

  90. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:12 pm Admiral Grovworth, III

    It’s all getting a bit PC in here. Mind if I open a window before it goes mad?

    It’s lucky no-one gets censored here for telling the truth, or I wouldn’t be able to say that john adair is an awfully amorous aardvark’s abused and aching arsehole.

  91. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:14 pm Rotwatcher

    @Chris – You’re spot on about Tanya Gold. Hadley Freeman is mildly amusing about fashion, but who cares about that? Your big mistake was missing out Zoe Fucking Williams, who makes Tanya Gold look like Bernstein and Woodward, and Julie Bindel, the misandrist’s misandrist. Actually, all The Guardian’s journalists should be replaced by Marina Hyde.

  92. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:15 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    On the whole Dyke/Gay thing-and I know I am going to sound like a leftyliberal wishywashy hippie, but can’t we just accept people shag, some shag opposite sex, others the same sex, and others anything with a pulse? The world would be a lot better place.

  93. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:17 pm Mr Poo

    Missed a trick there, John.

    Kadir-Buxton them!

  94. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:22 pm john adair

    A ugly newt

    Have you considered calling everyone that disagrees with you a retard?

    No, I prefer zippys method, censor everyone who does not agree with me and leave only the funny and amusing types on SYB like me and Neil Craig.

  95. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:23 pm A Necrophile

    can’t we just accept people shag, some shag opposite sex, others the same sex, and others anything with a pulse

    You’re a duck’s dock.

  96. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:24 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    funny and amusing types on SYB like me and Neil Craig.

    Going into comedy now john? Has the Daily Mail seen your routine, or did it get panned for being too PC?

  97. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:24 pm john adair

    That Bloke in the Corner

    On the whole Dyke/Gay thing-and I know I am going to sound like a leftyliberal wishywashy hippie, but can’t we just accept people shag, some shag opposite sex, others the same sex, and others anything with a pulse? The world would be a lot better place.

    What next, shagging 6 year old girls, then 6 year old boys, then animals, and then lowest of all, immigrunts.

    You have to have some morals.

  98. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:25 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    Sorry @A Necrophile, forgot you guys.

  99. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:26 pm Admiral Grovworth, III

    It all beats shagging you, johnny boy.

  100. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:31 pm Cheb Ghobbi

    Would John’s (male) old flame care to comment?

  101. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:32 pm dykie mil

    ALL journalists should be replaced by Marina Hyde. (I lurve Ms Hyde)

  102. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:34 pm handwringing liberal

    All I can say about the Daily Mail is “Hurrah for the Blackshirts”.

    All I can say about R Hammond is “if only it had been Clarkson in that rocket car”.

    All I can say about Stewart Lee is “he lives near me” and “I’ve seen him on the 393 bus”.

  103. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:37 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @john adair, very true, but it seems to be all the rage with middle aged men of White Northern European extraction who hang around South East Asia on ‘cultural holidays’. I have enough morals to not shag anything under age, but I have never really noticed homosexuals of both sexes trying it on with children, they tend to go for adults (at least those who come round ours do anyway)which was my point(in a round about way)who cares if you are Gay/Lesbian, paedophilia however is quite possibly a mental illness-but only because modern society deems it abhorrent. But what of the Amazonian Indians? they see nothing wrong with girls as young as nine and ten being married-so are they mentalists? So many avenues to explore there really,and so little time, but maybe you should try and read up on sociology and anthropology, you may find some surprising theories and attitudes.

  104. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:38 pm john adairs brief gay lover

    Would John’s (male) old flame care to comment?

    Well, I only knew him for a brief period, then he beat me up.
    The earlier comment about him being a character from Rainbow, well he reminds me of David out of Big Brother, the camp one from Yorkshire. In fact if you get access computers from the big brother house I would swear it was him, that and the Hull tattoos on his forehead.

  105. on 03 Sep 2009 at 4:58 pm Kurious Orange

    paedophilia however is quite possibly a mental illness-but only because modern society deems it abhorrent. But what of the Amazonian Indians? they see nothing wrong with girls as young as nine and ten being married-so are they mentalists? So many avenues to explore there really,and so little time, but maybe you should try and read up on sociology and anthropology, you may find some surprising theories and attitudes.

    Wow, it’s like a condensed master class in “Why Moral Relativism Is Retarded”. I guess we were right to say that gays (and dykes!) were mentally ill back in the 50s, because that was what Society thought?

  106. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:03 pm GiveItAGo

    I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – if you want to argue with him do it here and save us all from reading it.

    My grandparents get the Daily Express I think but they’re about 90 so they don’t really count – they’re amiable old shufflies who just like to tut about things.

    I read a bit of the Daily Mail once but the pages started to burn my brain so I had to drop the bastard thing.

  107. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:12 pm Shackleton

    My ex’s mum used to read the Express. In fact, she even had it delivered to her house each morning by a child, and consequently I was exposed to it. I only read it a couple of times before I ended up fearing the sight of it on the doormat or kitchen table. Worse than this though, my ex-girlfriend used to read it too. And neither of them ever objected to it’s ludicrously reactionary opinion, which I never understood.

    Then I realised. They were both fucking morons. Got myself out of there sharpish. I now read The Guardian on a Saturday morning, basking in the summer light, my woman and I both naked, providing both a sexy and metaphorical sight to anyone passing our gaping windows.

    You can’t get much more liberal than having your bollocks out while reading the paper. But then I guess page 3 also has a lot to answer for…

  108. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:14 pm john adair

    @ Giveitago

    I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – if you want to argue with him do it here and save us all from reading it.

    If folk wish to debate with me on this site they can, who are you to tell us where to go?
    Do you own this site?
    I find it amazing that the liberalleft arsebandits are the most facist of all when it comes to their alleged turf being trodden on, NIMBY’s to a Tee.

  109. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:19 pm Lord of the Dance Settee

    @History Crow

    I owe my name to Mr Lee. Squark squark! Hello children, it’s me, Histor!

    Child-hen, like the bird hen. I hate hens.

    Nice to see the Kurious Orange here too, it’s just like 1994 returning for real.

    [Apologises for tedious I Love 1994 style nostalgia]

  110. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:29 pm Orange Crush

    Actually, all The Guardian’s journalists should be replaced by Marina Hyde.

    Lucy Mangan, surely?

  111. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:34 pm Orange Crush

    funny peculiar
    Actually, Mim, I don’t think anyone reads the Mail. It’s only people’s mothers who read it, isn’t it? not people themselves.

    Budgies must read it. After all, it seems to line the bottoms of enough bird cages.

  112. on 03 Sep 2009 at 5:35 pm millie

    Lucy Mangan, surely?

    Bleh – worst of the lot!!!1!!

  113. on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:30 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    It’s like a giant feedback loop made entirely out of piss and diarrhoea.

    Sooner or later, Chris, you always bring the topic back to 2G1C, don’t you? Sigh.

    Stewart Lee obviously has something lacking in his own life.

    Yeah, people with even the teensiest fucking grasp of the concept of irony.

    Ah, Stephen Green. Nothing is more Christian than saying it’s okay to make jokes about wishing someone dead so long as they don’t harsh Teh Jebus.

    I bloody love Lucy Mangan (though I wince at those awful wedges she wears in her full profile pic)! And what’s wrong with Julie Bindel? Hmmmph. Slightly disappointing that this site purports to take the piss out of brainless, prejudiced twatbaskets and then the male contributors go and judge female journalists basically on their looks. Slow handclap.

    I also agree that it’s wearisome that all the insults are female genitalia-based. Can we not have some bum and cock insults now? You bunch of rancid rabid raccoon’s ringpieces!

    PS Dyke – am I allowed to imagine you as one of the mega-lesbians who sings ‘Elvira’ in a Family Guy episode (looked for clip, couldn’t find good enough quality one)?

  114. on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:37 pm Clovis Sangrail

    From the Grauniad article on the BNP having to change its whites-only policy – sez Nick Griffin:
    “It is now crystal clear to all concerned that we simply do not have a choice but to change our membership policy,” said Griffin. “Adapt or die is the only decision left to make, for failure to adapt would lead either to our being bled white through the courts or crushed by new criminal laws.”
    Nick Griffin: Racist twat with sly sense of humour or racist twat whom irony has passed by like, as twere, a bird in the night. Discuss.

  115. on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:46 pm john adair

    Its ironic that the establishment is forcing an anti immigration party to take on immigrants as party members due to discrimination laws whilst the three “establishment” partys are discriminating against males to even up the male/female ratio.

    If this lot had been around before WW2 they would of forced Hitler to have had Jews in the SS.

  116. on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:56 pm Chao Chee Bai

    When an innocent one is made a victim reasonless without doing of a mistake through inflict of insult to the entity’s inner self, the entity considers his or her entire earnings even if most duly acquired as untouchable and prefer hiding from the society to cover the life alone if the concerned Authority fail to provide any help and often becomes mentally disabled to suffer the worst and as a consequence of which the entire humanity shall have to suffer which might even cause extinction. Alternativly When an individual crosses a particular age with not enough of resources in hand to cover the left over period a little comfortably and has to depend on children for survival, the entity all the time feel depressed; carrying a disturbed mind often thinking for options to survive as has been happening to me. However, being in the Company of the unseen one, my pain is immediately absorb by Him which is unavailable to others to suffer from acute pain of becoming honest to the Society.

  117. on 03 Sep 2009 at 6:56 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Jews in the SS? Hmmm, I smell the plot of a FILARIOUS odd-couple type sitcom! Ta John you illustrious anteater’s intromittent organ you!

  118. on 03 Sep 2009 at 7:24 pm That Bloke in the corner

    @Chao Chee Bai, very deep, and plenty to ponder on there but my big question is…..why post it? you gangrenous gorillas gonad

  119. on 03 Sep 2009 at 7:52 pm Dave

    Saw this and thought of you lot. An article from the Daily Mail where a scientist (boo!) is developing a revolutionary piece of technology which could drastically improve the lives of quadriplegics. Cause for celebration? It might be, if only it wasn’t actually part of a sinister plot to chip the entire British population and manipulate us using wireless mind control- thank fuck that The Daily Mail’s commentors saw through Gordon Brown’s fiendish plan.

  120. on 03 Sep 2009 at 7:55 pm The sleazy-but-right-on man who lusts after Guardian Columnists

    Marina Hyde. Yes.

    Lucy Mangan. Double Yes. Best thing is that apparently she has no sense of smell, which is a bonus for any bloke too lazy to wash.

  121. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:00 pm The sleazy-but-right-on man who lusts after Guardian Columnists

    But Arianne Sherine gets all my ‘special’ attention.

  122. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:18 pm Kurious Orange

    if only it wasn’t actually part of a sinister plot to chip the entire British population and manipulate us using wireless mind control

    Ironically, there is no need for Gordon Brown to use a mind-control chip on these guys, because he can just use his minions at the KGBBC to tell them what to think, and then use Have Your Say to check that they’re thinking it. Ironically – again – this hasn’t occurred to them.

  123. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:29 pm Pirate Pete

    I wouldn’t bother having a go at Chao Chee Bai, who I suspect is some kind of malfunctioning spambot. I think it just needs a kick up the power supply…

  124. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:32 pm Zanulieaidsbore out

    Been reading this site for a while, never commented, but this has got me furious.

    WHY DO YOU LOT WANT PEOPLPE TO DIE all the time!? An honest, hard working English Man like Richard Hammong should not have to put up with this.

    And then I read about Gordon Brown reading our minds and, well, what can I say. We are in 1984 all over again. Only worse.

  125. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:39 pm That Bloke in the corner

    @Zanulieaidsbore out, I quite liked 1984, big hair, gloomy goth music and illicit groping at the 6th form disco, ah, those were the days……

  126. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:45 pm Dyke

    Special Brew – I’m afraid I don’t watch Family Guy but your display of feminist solidarity means you are permitted imagine me any way you like.

    I just realised that sounds creepily flirty, sorry. It wasn’t meant to. I hope you don’t think I am a syphilitic sloth’s grimy glans.

  127. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:46 pm Zanulieaidsbore out

    I DIDN’T MEAN that 1984 YOU IDIOT.

    I meant the other one. Where “social workers” tag our “wheelie bins” to make sure we are “lesbian” and don’t watch Top Gear.

  128. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:52 pm Henry's Cat

    I tried to comment on the Daily Mail site when I first read about the Stewart Lee thingumy the other day. Mysteriously my post just disappeared and I fumed about how those fascists were moderating me out of existence. Today I tried to comment on this thread, only to have the same thing happen.

    I can only assume that Stewart Lee himself has taken it upon himself to prevent me from commenting on anything he is involved with, even though I was on his side.

    Fucking cunt! Either that or I hit the wrong button, twice, but I think the former is more likely. He probably also got my mobile phone number off this site and will be plaguing me with nuisance texts.

    What a Bonobo’s bastarding ballsack*

    *(is that male enough?)

  129. on 03 Sep 2009 at 8:56 pm Clovis Sangrail

    “syphilitic sloth’s grimy glans” – another fucked up key board – thanks :(
    Oh and The sleazy-but-right-on man who lusts after Guardian Columnists? Ariane Sherine – you are right, very very right.

  130. on 03 Sep 2009 at 9:01 pm John Adair's arse

    Spare a thought for me please. Not only do I have to create Johns posts but I have to be felched by his mother on a nightly basis.

  131. on 03 Sep 2009 at 9:18 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    “Heil Hymie, I’m home!”

    “Hello dear, have a nice day in the FuherBunker?”

    “Ach, nein. I’ve spent the last few years exterminating milions of people who don’t meet my ideal of the tall blond Ayran race and them that fokker Churchill points out I’m a dark-haired short-arse with one ball.

    Oh, did I mention I’d invited Stalin round for dinner?”

    “What? But there’s nothing the oven. Honest”

  132. on 03 Sep 2009 at 9:21 pm Horses fuck horses

    @JAs Gerbil- The true nazi sitcom
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbj9otRPdiM

  133. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:14 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Oh, I thought I’d bleached that out of my mind. And I had, really, until you pointed it out.

    You, Sir, are the very opposite of a panda’s passionate pudenda.

  134. on 03 Sep 2009 at 10:30 pm Dr Feelgood

    You can see Adair being interviewed at his favourite bus stop in this:Bruno vs Skinheads

  135. on 03 Sep 2009 at 11:43 pm john `mad dog' adair

    If that wee bag o’ pish disnae stop usin ma name ah’ll chiv him..

  136. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:33 am Chris

    Rotwatcher

    @Chris – You’re spot on about Tanya Gold. Hadley Freeman is mildly amusing about fashion, but who cares about that? Your big mistake was missing out Zoe Fucking Williams, who makes Tanya Gold look like Bernstein and Woodward, and Julie Bindel, the misandrist’s misandrist. Actually, all The Guardian’s journalists should be replaced by Marina Hyde.

    I’m strongly of the opinion that there should only be four opinion writers at the G or O: Charlie Brooker, David Mitchell, Victoria Coren and Marina Hyde. Maybe we can drop the occasional Polly Toynbee article in there, just for a laugh, but that’s about it.

    My big problem with Freeman is that she’s actually risen through the ranks of mediocrity to an editorial position, as mediocre as that position is… all on the back of the money I’ve spewed out for the Guardian over the past 15 years, while she also writes for Conde Nast and the Mail, two places I see as part of the problem. My big problem with Tanya Gold is the hypocrisy of writing regularly for the Guardian and the Mail – she’s nothing but a whore.

    So these two talk about the problem, and then willingly contribute to it by writing contributions for the nastiest of the nasty.

    At least Bindel and Williams have some kind of integrity, even if Williams is famous for being bland. And at least Bindel actually knows what she’s talking about and doesn’t try and talk about everything and pretend she’s an expert on it.

    And you know, I read The Times and the Telegraph, and I don’t really come across people as mundanely offensive as this pair of cunts. And these people employ David Aaranovitch and Simon Heffer.

    You can see my dilemma.

    By the way, Dyke, I see and recognise your outrage over me calling Gold a carpet muncher, but I’m curious as to why you’re not holding me up for calling her a fat cunt.

  137. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:01 am Dyke

    Well, she IS fat. She’s written a really long, whingeing article about it in the fucking Mail. Cunt probably wouldn’t be my insult of choice, tis true, and I’m not a big fan of deriding women on the basis of their looks, but when someone’s making a living out of writing about being fat, it doesn’t seem entirely unreasonable to call them that, and whether or not she’s a cunt is just a matter of opinion.

    My main complaint about that would be lack of imagination, really.

  138. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:33 am Chris

    There’s a journalist and mayor over here called Michael Laws. He’s really a very offensive man, and I delight in calling him a rat-faced little closet faggot in polite company.

    I call him rat faced because he looks like a rat. And I call him a closet faggot because faggot really is very offensive, and because he’s the populist right wing mayor of a very right wing little shithole.

    One is true, and the comparison is obvious enough to make people laugh. The other isn’t true, but the man is so casually and directly offensive toward gay people – “only women, foreigners and gay men can dance”; “lesbians are vicious, dildo weilding loonies” – that calling him a faggy little makeup wearing closet case is actually funny.

    Tanya Gold, on the other hand, is a fat fucker, and completely obsessed with it. One would think, if she didn’t care, she’d have something of a Katy Brand attitude and not even give a shit. But she doesn’t.

    But she’s also apparently straight. She also apparently hates men. This in itself doesn’t make her gay, and I know this. But because she herself would despise the shallow opinion that her misandry is equated with being a militant lesbian, and because I know it’s something that she hates as an association, it will be used against her.

    So it’s not using an insult because you hate something: I don’t hate fat people or gay people. I hate individuals, not groups (except hacks. I hate hacks by default).

    But there’s something to be said for using a group insult to have a dig against someone you know would hate it.

  139. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:40 am Horses fuck horses

    Thats why I call Nick Griffin an absolute raving red commie.

  140. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:28 am Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

    Probably too late for this – but lowest ranked comment on the DM’s whole microchip article:
    “I don’t understand, we’re not picking up any brain waves from this person. The system doesn’t work.”
    “Wait, I know what the problem is. They’re a Tory voter.”
    “Oh of course, how silly of me!”

    - Giggles, Oxford, 3/9/2009 22:21

    Arf….

  141. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:03 am That Bloke in the Corner

    Get rid of the dozens of layers of excess management. Stop buying useless computer systems that cost billions and invest in preventative treatments.
    You do not wait until your car has seized up before giving it a oil change. Stop treating non nationals. Others countrys dont.

    john Adair, Speakyourbranes Hull

    old john getting above his station here? or is he trying to get more of his ilk to come here for more mockery.

  142. on 04 Sep 2009 at 9:26 am Dyke

    I get it Chris. I suppose that when one is a member of a minority group who gets certain terms thrown at us wholeheartedly by assorted suppurating rectums, it can still sting a bit to hear it in ANY context, even that which you have outlined above. There’s enough right-wingers out there who would read your words with their own fucked up view on the world and think “yeah, right on, another friend in the fight against faggotry”. I mean, quite a few lesbians and a LOT of transsexuals really, really hate Julie Bindel, and choose to insult her by implying that she’s a closet heterosexual, which successfully pisses her off. But for straight people to read that doesn’t carry quite the same connotations as the reverse because they don’t live in a world where large groups of disgusting people are baying for their blood because of who they fancy. People don’t tend to get the shit kicked out of them in the street for being straight, basically.

    So whilst I understand what you’re saying, and it doesn’t bother me that much, I’m just trying to explain why it can sometimes be a little bit difficult not to get an ouch when someone gets called [insert insulting term for minority group], regardless of context.

    Anyway, I really should stop all this seriousness, it’s not in the spirit of SYB.

    I also rather regret my choice of name. I used it to make a point, but now I’m kind of stuck with it.

    Darn.

  143. on 04 Sep 2009 at 9:52 am Rotwatcher

    @Chris

    My big problem with Tanya Gold is the hypocrisy of writing regularly for the Guardian and the Mail – she’s nothing but a whore.

    Shall we consider the Whore of Whores, the self-styled Queen of the Groucho Club – one Julie Fucking Burchill. Now there’s a raddled old tom for you – her oft-lamented old Dad must have disowned her a thousand times from beyond the grave for the way she’s taken any fucker’s shilling just to peddle her wannabe-gonzo excrement. What’s worse, she promised us she’d retired from journalism, on the back of which I bought a bottle of real champagne (French, not Australian). Then the bastard comes back. And can I sue the slimy fat cunt? Can I bollocks.

  144. on 04 Sep 2009 at 10:27 am Shackleton

    I’m strongly of the opinion that there should only be four opinion writers at the G or O: Charlie Brooker, David Mitchell, Victoria Coren and Marina Hyde.

    Hmmm. Charlie Brooker. Charlie ‘face like a bag of dented bells’ Brooker. Charlie ‘I was on TV last week one night on three different channels and three different programs’ Brooker.

    Charlie ‘I hate it when people whore themselves on TV and moan about it but it’s OK for me to present a sub-par panel show about TV because that’s ironic or something’ Brooker.

    Charlie ‘what the fuck happened to hating shit TV like the good ol’ days of TV Go Home’ Brooker.

    The man needs to be fucking stopped. He can’t begin one of his adjective-laden sentences on TV anymore without actually sounding like a parody of himself. Maybe it’s some kind of post-ironic masterpiece he’s putting together that I don’t get, but at the moment, I think he’s being a bit of a dick.

    His Guide stuff is still good though. Stick to writing Charlie.

  145. on 04 Sep 2009 at 11:01 am fish slap

    “I also agree that it’s wearisome that all the insults are female genitalia-based. Can we not have some bum and cock insults now?”

    But I wanted to use “you grotty grizzly’s growler” first. Unhappy face.

  146. on 04 Sep 2009 at 11:04 am History Crow

    ‘You Have Been Watching…’ is a terrible programme.

    He said Brooker, like a rook! like a bird!

  147. on 04 Sep 2009 at 11:22 am Charles Exford, Oxton

    I’m strongly of the opinion that there should only be four opinion writers at the G or O: Charlie Brooker, David Mitchell, Victoria Coren and Marina Hyde.

    Sadly, fear of prosecution under the libel laws forbid me from repeating some of the juicier allegations I’ve heard about Victoria Coren during her time at Oxford, but drugs and sex figured prominently therein. Moreover, she’d never have got the gig if her Dad hadn’t been famous and the same goes, in fact doubly so, for her arch-cockwomble brother.

  148. on 04 Sep 2009 at 11:23 am spungin imgrunt

    @John Adair

    Stormfront – that’s funny. Sounds like the breaching of a vindaloo poo.

  149. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:04 pm john adair

    Where were you when WW2 was declared?

    I was drinking cocktails with some pretty ladies, “excuse me a while” I said, whilst I popped down RAF recruitment. Before long I was in a spitfire shooting down the Hun. Hundreds of missions I flew until one day I was shot down in Flames. In 1964 I was reincarnated with a mission to prevent Britain going down the pan with uncontrolled immigration, Left wing liberal leftism, promotional homosexualism at the expense of normal family life.
    Join the BNP I was told and make Britain GREAT again. Its a tough challenge, but one I perform with gusto and relish. Join SYB and if you manage to convert just one person, the fight will have been worthwhile. From small acorns great oak trees grow. I think the tide is about to turn.

  150. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:10 pm Cliff Richards' Vicar Friend

    Is Johnny Adair “our” John Adair, and is he gay?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMJ5PcKiX0Q

  151. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:15 pm Can't do blockquotes

    “Charlie ‘face like a bag of dented bells’ Brooker.”

    The intellect makes him very attractive.

    “Charlie ‘I was on TV last week one night on three different channels and three different programs’ Brooker.”

    Best day of the week. Don’t think anyone else, besides possibly someone to do with the horrific X Factor/Big Brother/etc roadshow of doom, beats that.

    “The man needs to be fucking stopped. He can’t begin one of his adjective-laden sentences on TV anymore without actually sounding like a parody of himself.”

    Would still rather watch him than read anything Tanya Gold’s ever written, ever. Especially that meant-to-be-ironic-but-was-actually-just-shit piece about not liking Glastonbury.

  152. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:34 pm Chris

    Rotwatcher

    Shall we consider the Whore of Whores, the self-styled Queen of the Groucho Club – one Julie Fucking Burchill.

    Absolutely. Although Sugar Rush is actually awesome, and it was admittedly a long time before she went downhill. And anyway, she went mental when she was at The Times. By all accounts, working for The Times would send anyone mental.

    Shackleton

    Charlie ‘what the fuck happened to hating shit TV like the good ol’ days of TV Go Home’ Brooker.

    The man needs to be fucking stopped. He can’t begin one of his adjective-laden sentences on TV anymore without actually sounding like a parody of himself. Maybe it’s some kind of post-ironic masterpiece he’s putting together that I don’t get, but at the moment, I think he’s being a bit of a dick.

    That’s the one. He is being a bit of a dick. Higher budgets, higher kudos with the editors and producers, then actually becoming a producer – I think all this conspires to hide the fact that you’re becoming a dick.

    It doesn’t help when he farts out some kind of unfunny, half retarded opinion column that barely makes you crack a smile and the first ten comments are apparently from amateur proctologists trying to get a good look. That’s got to superinflate your ego if everyone around you is acting like that.

    He needs to get back to basics, doesn’t he?

    Charles Exford, Oxton

    Sadly, fear of prosecution under the libel laws forbid me from repeating some of the juicier allegations I’ve heard about Victoria Coren during her time at Oxford, but drugs and sex figured prominently therein. Moreover, she’d never have got the gig if her Dad hadn’t been famous and the same goes, in fact doubly so, for her arch-cockwomble brother.

    Shit. Well, I’m no Oxbridge graduate – I got my first at a university with a much lower per capita funding level, which in my twisted definition makes it even more valuable – but drugs, sex and poker also featured prominently during my time at university. Still do feature. Is that why I like her so much?

    That’s the fucking irony of Guardian Media Group, really – the fucking class warriors and bearers of the socialist standard are nothing more than a bunch of chummy Oxbridge graduates fed into their networks.

    You know, out of all these writers at the Graun or the Obs mentioned, the only ones who didn’t go to Oxbridge are Julie Bindel and Charlie Brooker? Says a lot for the kind of publication Rusbridger has presided over.

    I’m a fucking Times reader now, for fuck’s sake. That really does say a lot more about what these papers have become than what I’ve become. I’m still the bitter, twisted, unconnected working class lad I’ve always been.

  153. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:51 pm Shackleton

    “Charlie ‘face like a bag of dented bells’ Brooker.”

    The intellect makes him very attractive.

    Can’t do blockquotes

    Christ, yes, I know, I don’t get laid because of my chiselled good looks that’s for sure, but in fact it was a reference to one of his own descriptions of himself. Back when he was funny.

    He needs to get back to basics, doesn’t he?

    Chris

    Exactly. If I didn’t so desperately want him to be funny again, I wouldn’t be so agitated by it. But as you said, when you have a trail of people following you round with shit on their noses, it must be hard. And yes, despite him not being so funny these days, he’s still 10,000 times funnier than most of the cack on TV. You should have seen him faltering in the face of Sean Lock’s comedy genius on 8 Out of 10 Cats the other week. Charlie was trying to crowbar in lines that he’d either pre-written or were being piped into his ear, while Sean was just being his usual, faultless self.

  154. on 04 Sep 2009 at 12:59 pm Chris

    Shackleton

    Christ, yes, I know, I don’t get laid because of my chiselled good looks that’s for sure, but in fact it was a reference to one of his own descriptions of himself. Back when he was funny.

    ‘Face like a paedophile walrus’, that was a good one.

    You should have seen him faltering in the face of Sean Lock’s comedy genius on 8 Out of 10 Cats the other week.

    He’s not a comedian by trade though, is he… he’s a writer. I notice that the oarsum Marcus Brigstocke seems to have some trouble on panel shows.

    Don’t hold it against him though. Wish I was in the UK for his new tour.

  155. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:28 pm Kurious Orange

    Charlie Brooker, thank fuck for that, I’m not the only one who thinks he’s a tossbag. “TV Go Home” was good, but his subsequent success has revealed his mediocrity. Why were “Nathan Barley”‘s appearances in TVGH so good? Now we know! It’s because Brooker was looking in the mirror when he wrote it, wishing “If only I could be like him”. And now, he is, and no amount of stolen jokes from “The Day Today” can cover up the jizzmopping bumwankiness of his dire TV appearances. A lifetime of short appearances on Channel Five’s “100 Greatest Tampon Commercials” awaits him. I hope.

  156. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:36 pm Cheb Ghobbi

    Left wing liberal leftism

    You dumb fuck.

  157. on 04 Sep 2009 at 1:54 pm Mal

    At least Charlie Brooker being unfunny on a panel show means that David Mitchell isn’t on there being even more unfunny.

  158. on 04 Sep 2009 at 2:17 pm History Crow

    ‘Screenwipe’ and ‘Newswipe’ were very entertaining. The latest show is just dumb. Plus it gave Rufus Hound a platform. Oh dear.

  159. on 04 Sep 2009 at 2:18 pm Shackleton

    At least Charlie Brooker being unfunny on a panel show means that David Mitchell isn’t on there being even more unfunny.

    Mal

    Word.

  160. on 04 Sep 2009 at 2:28 pm Rotwatcher

    At least Charlie Brooker being unfunny on a panel show means that David Mitchell isn’t on there being even more unfunny.

    Or James Corden. Now that’s one unfunny fuck.

  161. on 04 Sep 2009 at 2:45 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @Rotwatcher, Spot on, what would make James Corden more amusing would be, if he and Catherine Tate were placed in a large vat of shit and paraded through the country with more cack being thrown at them-what is it with KGBBC and their shit comedy at the moment?

  162. on 04 Sep 2009 at 2:49 pm James Cordon's regular prostitute

    I find James to be a hilarious fuck

  163. on 04 Sep 2009 at 3:17 pm dirigible

    Mitchell and Brooker are both grating wannabes. They are cheap, though, and the BBC can’t afford to upset the Heil with expensive pay deals.

    The Guardian is shit, although not as shit as the Indepedent.

    And I agree about the insults. Equal opportunities for animal orifices please.

  164. on 04 Sep 2009 at 3:33 pm MattB

    Brooker’s overreached himself, for sure, and is quite clearly several times more ambitious and businesslike than the angry slob he pretends to be (he sold his production company to Endemol, ffs).

    Not a word against Mitchell, though. He was adorable on Desert Island Discs. Anyone whose final selection includes Kermit the Frog singing ‘Rainbow Connection’ gets a free pass in my book…

  165. on 04 Sep 2009 at 3:46 pm john adair

    On Google Library HYS

    I have a book by Scott Ritter at home, written in 2000 about why we should not go to war with Iraq and why there are no WMD in Iraq at that time.
    If this book only existed in an ELibrary, how easy would it be for the government to “amend” it with the facts the way they want you to know them.
    Read 1984, before NuLabour ban it and you will see what I mean.

    COMMENT STATUS:Awaiting moderation

    BBC state censorship again. Soon SYB itself will be banned in the name of national security and political correctness.

  166. on 04 Sep 2009 at 3:59 pm Charlton Brooker

    now go away

  167. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:06 pm Charlton Rooker

    john adair
    BBC state censorship again. Soon SYB itself will be banned in the name of national security and political correctness.

    How does your brain not leak our your ears with all that brainfarting?

  168. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:13 pm john adair

    Blah

  169. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:16 pm Charlton ooker

    sorry, meant to add, you ginormous germinating gerbil gonad

  170. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:16 pm Hannibal Lector

    @John Adair

    How does your brain not leak our your ears with all that brainfarting?

    My brain doesn’t leak out my ears as they are not located in my brain. My brain may, on occasion, leak out fluid, but that’s just an old brain injury. And as my anal sphincter is similarly not located in my brain (I don’t know who taught you anatomy, but they didn’t really do a very good job), ‘brainfarting’ is alas an impossibility. For now :)

  171. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:20 pm Mim

    Charlie Brooker. For all his flaws, I still totally would. And that’s what matters, eh laydeez?

  172. on 04 Sep 2009 at 4:50 pm Admiral Grovworth, III

    Join SYB and if you manage to convert just one person, the fight will have been worthwhile.

    Dear Mr Adair,

    You are a cunt.

    Lots of love and kisses,
    Grov.

    PS – fuck you, you pompous panda’s pelvic pole.

  173. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:05 pm Mim

    Is it just me or has our ja become a bit properly funny?

  174. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:14 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Ah, crap, I wrote a diatribe about the difference between being in a queue and being rejected, but it got et.

    Oh well.

  175. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:28 pm john adair

    Chao Chee Bai – I can’t believe you said that! For your information, homosexuality is not a “mental health condition”, but a natural inclination.

    jai gomer, United Kingdom

    There is nothing natural about being an arse bandit.

  176. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:32 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @Mim – me too. Am sulking because I think ole Charlton is still hilarious and I actually really enjoyed YHBW. I can’t find it in my heart to be disappointed with anyone who co-wrote the Brass Eye paedophilia special. Also sulking because someone slagged off Giles Coren and he’s one of my ‘weird celebrity crushes’. Him, Marcus Brigstocke, Brooker and Frankie Boyle. I’m not picky.

    I tell you who needs a good kicking: Kevin Bishop. In fact, he needs to be kicked to death and then return as a zombie so I can decapitate him slowly and gruesomely. Him and that boy singing ‘total eclipse of the heart’ on the t-mobile advert. I want to be put in a room together in the next Saw movie, where they have to torture each other to death.

  177. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:41 pm spungin imgrunt

    Charlie Brooker might be a bit of a tossbag sometimes, but he’s still the only person on TV who’s interested in dissecting how TV works.

  178. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:47 pm arse bandit

    @ja

    There is nothing natural about being an arse bandit.

    There’s nowt “natural” about sitting in front of a computer wankfarting spurious bile into people’s eyes but, fucking jebus, you’ve got to be winner of the Most Natural Interweb Cockless Wonder of the Year Ever Award.

    Question? How can you fight in WW2 and then go back to Blighty and vote BNP? Did it take you 40 fucking years to get home? Are you bastarding Ulysses in disguise?

  179. on 04 Sep 2009 at 5:53 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    I want THEM to be put in a room together, not with me there. GAH! Was too busy fantasising about the agony they’d inflict on each other.

  180. on 04 Sep 2009 at 6:05 pm Mim

    I’m pretty sure that anyone armed with “Total Eclipse of the Heart” would win that battle. Even against a chainsaw.

  181. on 04 Sep 2009 at 6:12 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Incidentally, harking back to the original topic – The Dail Heil and its deliberate out-of-context rabble-rousing – we all ought to be wary that we don’t get quoted/misquoted on there ourselves. Various hacks (although I think that is offensive to proper hacks) from the Mail have been trawling the v popular forum Mumsnet and quoting the comments of various posters, without their knowledge or permission, in their own DM Mumsnet column, making it appear to its readers that it exists via an agreement with Mumsnet and their members. Considering that women often post ironic threads about Karen Matthews being their role model or writing to Rose West for sex tips on how to ‘keep your man’, this doesn’t bode well for the Mail’s well known lack of irony. And if they’ll do it to Mumsnet, they could do it to any public forum. After all, they are just mothers* and we are all important ZaNuLiarBore pro-Taliban plotters and loony lefty gaybo BBC employees, are we not?

    *Because if there’s anything the Daily Mail has taught us, it’s that ALL mothers are pure evil, be they teen mums, working mums, over-35 mums, you name it. Grrr.

  182. on 04 Sep 2009 at 7:36 pm Throbbe

    Damn straight. Just the “little bit terrified” line makes me curl up on the floor until it all gets better.

  183. on 04 Sep 2009 at 7:50 pm Rotwatcher

    Charlie Brooker might be a bit of a tossbag sometimes, but he’s still the only person on TV who’s interested in dissecting how TV works

    The last person who tried that was Clive James, and look what happened to him.

    @BitSpesh – Who’s Kevin Bishop? Am I going to regret googling him?

  184. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:12 pm That Bloke in the corner

    @Rotwatcher, for the sake of your mind do not google Kevin Bishop, he really is about as funny as a concentration camp shower block.
    @Bit spesh, thank you, I thought I was the only one who wanted to inflict harm on the ‘Total Eclipse’ wanker, you just know he is going to end up on x factor or some other shite wannabe show and release a cover version of it-he should be gagged now, then thrown into the boot of a Ford Granada Consul and then driven at great speed over Beachy Head, with Kevin Bishop strapped into the drivers seat for good measure. Also, as much as I do enjoy the work of Mr Brooker-I wouldn’t, ‘fraid he doesn’t get me in that way.

  185. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:17 pm Mal

    JA is just a syphilitic shih tzu’s shit chute – and try saying that later tonight when you’ve had a few glasses of pop.

    @La Spesh
    Frankie Boyle? Fucking hell, the man’s a comedy black hole.

    PS The Stewart Lee affair and the Daily Mail mumsnet article are, amongst other things, duly made fun of on this week’s Collings and Herrin podcast.

  186. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:18 pm john adair

    Big Fred of Manchester. If you cannot understand why classing homosexuality as a mental illness is insulting then I guess your perception of the world is somewhat bigoted and unenlightened. People do not suddenly develop a mental illness and then announce that they are gay! Gay people are born gay. And assuming they have a ” mental illness” because of this is just hurtful and crass. The world would be a better place without prejudice of this kind.

    [smilingparrotfan], london, United Kingdom

    Another closet bender worried that he might be mentally ill!

  187. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:27 pm The Buddha

    On the Mentally ill topic, if you think about it, the whole Western society must be collectively mentally ill!
    We allow people to die over the price of drugs, allow millions to starve to death in Africa, yet spend Trillions on weapons to blow each other up.
    The world needs global enlightenment.

  188. on 04 Sep 2009 at 8:50 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    a syphilitic shih tzu’s shit chute

    Top of this week’s carbohydrate-keyboard-interface triggers. Although it seems to have inadvertently re-triggered my childhood lisp. :(

    Thanks for the podcast tip-off, Mal. Sorry to disappoint by liking Frankie Boyle. If it helps, I thought his mum was shit on Britain’s Got Talent.

    Don’t worry, am already wearing my coat.

  189. on 04 Sep 2009 at 9:55 pm Clovis Sangrail

    “a syphilitic shih tzu’s shit chute” I’ll second Bit Special on that one.
    All this fancying of TV comedians – I’d put a word in for Sue Perkins but I hadn’t realised she was of another persuasion. Still, not that makes any difference to my potential (no) chance of success.

  190. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:03 am Mal

    I can now go to my grave happy in the knowledge that my life has not been entirely wasted.

  191. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:07 am Chris

    Also sulking because someone slagged off Giles Coren and he’s one of my ‘weird celebrity crushes’.

    Wasn’t me. Giles is one of the high points of reading The Times.

  192. on 05 Sep 2009 at 3:59 am john adair

    How an earth is classing Homosexuality as a mental health issue insulting ?.

    No more insulting than calling a wheelchair user disabled.

    Big Fred, Manchester, UK

    Big Fred, I’d be very careful if I were you. Otherwise you’ll be accused of having a mental condition called homophobia (phobia = irrational fear) a term bandied around liberally by homosexuals and the left to stigmatise, insult and shout down those that don’t wholeheartedly support their perspective on sexual matters.

    [BROWNED_OFF], Kingdom of the blind

    Racist, homophopic, sexist, war cries of the Liberal Left Elite.

  193. on 05 Sep 2009 at 5:12 am Theodore

    Off subject here but would like to congratulate Catherine Oliver on her GCSE results.

    “i got two d’s in english , c in religious education two g in classical civilisation and maths. pass in adult numeracy , it, enterprise. e in business studies

    overall im pleased with my results”

    I was impressed that she got 2 d’s in English.

    Unfortunately, now I have discovered that CO is only 15, I feel as if I should stop taking the piss.

  194. on 05 Sep 2009 at 7:51 am TomTom

    @ Charles Exford, Oxton: You can’t be ‘prosecuted’ under libel laws, only sued. So what you’ve just done is to pretend to know some salacious gossip about a minor celebrity, then pretended to have read up on the ‘libel laws’ (which are not codified anywhere in our legal system and are in fact made up of reams and reams of case law), then made a huge basic misunderstanding of said laws and paraded your ignorance for all to see. Good stuff! HYS is waiting…

    Re: Charlie Brooker. You’ve all stopped short of dropping the ‘sell-out’ bomb but that’s obviously what’s going on here. We all hate it when our friends (or non-famous people whose work we admire) are successful.

    Re: The constant undertone of journalist-bashing. I’m a journalist. I work fucking hard under a lot of pressure in a declining industry in order to feed my family. Then I come on here and it’s full of the usual shit about ‘hacks’ – the usual shit, in fact, beloved of the right-wing conspiracy nuts you so despise. You guys are dicks. Suck my balls.

    In fact, with a few exceptions, pretty much ALL you guys are dicks. I’m not going to bother reading the comment threads any more. After this one. Promise…

  195. on 05 Sep 2009 at 8:22 am TomTom (after a big mug of coffee)

    Sorry, lost it a bit there.

    @Theodore: When I were a lad, you got separate marks for GCSE English language and English literature. Hence Catherine ‘Two Ds’ Oliver.

  196. on 05 Sep 2009 at 9:22 am Chris

    Re: The constant undertone of journalist-bashing. I’m a journalist. I work fucking hard under a lot of pressure in a declining industry in order to feed my family. Then I come on here and it’s full of the usual shit about ‘hacks’ – the usual shit, in fact, beloved of the right-wing conspiracy nuts you so despise. You guys are dicks. Suck my balls.

    Get a real fucking job, you fucking parasite. You do realise that out of all the banker-bashing, laywer bashing, teacher-bashing, and all the other accusations laid against professions by your profession, you actually belong to the only truly parasitical vocation of the lot?

    At least the rest of them perform a function – you fucking miserable little hack shitstains just roll up after the event and then complain about how no-one is doing it right, even though the majority of you haven’t ever done anything. You feed yourselves your own rewards – a giant circle-jerk, one that’s coming crashing down around your miserable shrivelled cocks.

    You spend your lives and your careers looking for an angle, distorting the truth, lying outright, doing minimal research, pretending that your audiences are stupid and making the most basic of grammatical errors to boot – and you dare to complain you’re part of a dying profession in a dying industry?

    That’s why, you arrogant cunt – because everyone’s cottoning onto the fact that your profession is run by wankers and no-one has to buy your crap anymore when WE can get our own stuff from the wire. All you’re good for now is opinion, and most of you aren’t talented enough to form that in a worthwhile manner.

    When I was growing up, my heroes were people like Paul Foot, Bob Woodward and Veronica Guerin. Hardworking investigative journalists with integrity who did a damn sight more than just spunk out another rehashed press release or get a statement composed of bollocks from a minister, and then add their own particular piece of bollocks to it as an emphasis.

    And don’t pretend working hard is the be-all and end-all. Everyone works hard, a lot of people at much shittier jobs than yours. When you work hard and produce something of worth, you’ll be rewarded accordingly. Your profession and industry is dying because you’re not producing anything good and people are voting with their wallets.

    Fuck off and die, you fucking hack.

  197. on 05 Sep 2009 at 9:23 am Chris

    Sorry, I lost it a bit there.

    Oh, wait! I’m not!

  198. on 05 Sep 2009 at 9:25 am millie

    two g in classical civilisation and maths

    2 G’s? It only went as low as ‘F’ in my day.

  199. on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:35 am millie

    This would have been far more effective featuring Mel P.

  200. on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:54 am Mal

    I got two Gs in English, that’s why I failed the spelling test.

    I’ll not even bother taking my coat off in future.

  201. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:06 pm Cliff Richards' Vicar Friend

    @Chris

    …no-one has to buy your crap anymore when WE can get our own stuff from the wire.

    but I’m not sure we can trust McNulty anymore.

  202. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:10 pm Neil craig

    Ceanair you weren’t actually replying to me but to the person I quoted, who was the one who described Hamlet as an ummigrant. I grant I wouldn’t have thought of the fact that actually was, albeit offstage.

    Ditto Clovis.

    It comes to something when the only thing I am criticised for is something I didn’t say.

    I must try harder to wind up the pondlife
    I must try harder to wind up the pondlife
    I must try harder to wind up the pondlife
    I must try harder to wind up the pondlife
    I must try harder to wind up the pondlife

  203. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:26 pm Chris

    Okay Neil.

    It does come to something when you’re only criticised for something you didn’t say.

    So I’ll criticise you for being a self-important paranoid cuntbubble with only the most tenuous of links between yourself and both reality and the concept of logic.

    Is that better? Completes the circle, as it were. The circle that makes up your entirety – the circle that makes up you, you gibbon’s gungy gunt.

    By the way, could you do me a favour? Could you step out in fast-moving traffic without looking? There’s a good boy.

  204. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:31 pm Mole Grip

    @Mim – Agreed, that Total Eclipse T-Mobile kid would win. Turns out he’s a robot. Someone leaked the design here:

    http://jeannr.tumblr.com/post/165291081/i-made-a-flow-chart-that-we-might-better

  205. on 05 Sep 2009 at 12:39 pm Ugly Newt

    @Chris’ hack flame:

    Best thing I’ve read all week. I think I love you.

  206. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:05 pm Erm..

    Does anyone else think that Chris might be one of the stupids this site is meant to be laughing at?

    There is a lot of misdirected anger, the sense that squawking it out on message boards is an appropriate response, homophobia and anti-semitism. We’ve also got a proto-conspiracy theory and prophesies of doom for journalism.

    Like some of the best HYS comments, underneath his ranting there is something approaching a valid point, but his anger and obvious insecurity get in the way of him making it coherently (and realising this is not really the place for it).

    This site is good when laughing at the stupids, but is in real danger of becoming the thing it pokes fun at; I think if Chris’s hate-filled comments are accepted as ok that might already of happened.

  207. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:08 pm Ceannair

    Neil craig

    Ceanair you weren’t actually replying to me but to the person I quoted, who was the one who described Hamlet as an ummigrant. I grant I wouldn’t have thought of the fact that actually was, albeit offstage.

    I don’t care, you’re still a ginormous giraffe’s giggle button.

    And my name has two ‘n’s. Dickhead.

  208. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:26 pm Chris

    Does anyone else think that Chris might be one of the stupids this site is meant to be laughing at?

    There is a lot of misdirected anger, the sense that squawking it out on message boards is an appropriate response, homophobia and anti-semitism. We’ve also got a proto-conspiracy theory and prophesies of doom for journalism.

    The anger is directed right at the hack who called on it.

    And there’s no proto-conspiracy theory. I’m a post-graduate in Media Studies, working on a PhD thesis about media ownership and interpersonal relationships in the industry, and, by the way, a part-qualified accountant, so I also have a direct interest in media business models.

    I throw out my anger where I see fit – so at either the hacks I know, love, hate and occasionally work with, or someone who comes along and suggests that they “work fucking hard… in a declining industry” and complains about “the usual shit about ‘hacks’ – the usual shit, in fact, beloved of the right-wing conspiracy nuts you so despise”. A straw man argument, and a false association fit only for the stupid and the shallow.

    Which means two things, vital aspects of this that you and TomTom seem to have missed: it’s not just a right wing nutjob who can spit out venomous hatred at something… and, I’m sorry, but pointing out the obvious, that a profession has gone to the dogs doesn’t equate to a right wing nutjob.

    The big difference is that I know what a useless, pathetic and subservient profession journalism has become, how much they’ve been panicking about their business model and about how much they’ve been riding on credit and restructures to stave off the inevitable auditor’s findings – that old Mrs Rusbridger and old Mrs Murdoch have finally gone to the cupboard and found that the mice have been stealing dried spaghetti while they’ve had their eyes closed, singing “there’s no place like home”.

    Also, you’re a cunt. Get back to the Grauniad or the Mail, whichever colour you like. They need little crack-sniffers like you to shore up their balance sheets.

  209. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:29 pm TomTom (after two big mugs of coffee)

    @Erm…
    Agreed. I’m all for a good old bile-filled rant, but some of that shit left me quite taken aback. I shall fuck off and die forthwith. Or at least fuck off and write a pointless fucking blog, calling myself an ‘independent researcher and writer’, meaning I read stuff and then write a pointless fucking blog about it. Call me Mr Picky, but I don’t call that ‘producing something of worth’.

    Yes, I know there are harder-working people than me, in shittier jobs than mine – and were they subjected to that level of mindless, vitriolic abuse, I would expect them to have something to say about it as well.

    And remember, that’s a view, not a fact. Views, not facts. VIEWS, NOT FACTS. I bet you shout that when you come, you donkey’s dangling doo-dah.

  210. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:29 pm funny peculiar

    You do realise that out of all the banker-bashing, laywer bashing, teacher-bashing, and all the other accusations laid against professions by your profession, you actually belong to the only truly parasitical vocation of the lot? At least the rest of them perform a function. – Chris

    Bankers perform a function? Hoovering up the profit generated by the entire human race’s labour, irrespective of morality, and keeping it for themselves and a tiny elite, while simultaneously playing fast and loose with the global economy and dumping the resulting mega-debt on the impoverished tax-payer. That function, you mean?

  211. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:36 pm Vauxy

    Ah, it all becomes clear.

    The fake Professor only wants to wind up the Adair Bandit.

    And there was me erroneously thinking that these parasitic friendless cunts had got a new lease of life stalking the cool kids.

  212. on 05 Sep 2009 at 1:40 pm Chris

    @TomTom

    Why don’t you fuck off back to your parasitic little job?

    (The blog is primarily about the media, if you read – and whatever I choose to write about to keep my hand in. Not that I give a fuck or feel like I need to defend my research to a little cuntbubble hack. And not that I’m about to.)

    @FP

    Yep. Those ones. Or, rather, the ones who aren’t the minority targeted by a lazy media, the ones who actually perform the function of shuffling money where it needs to go, rather than shorting and skimming.

    Which is the problem. Wait for your next carefully constructed delivery from whichever freelancer, designed to get you all worked about about Fred the Shred, or whichever alliterative headline grabber they make up next.

  213. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:04 pm Bit Special AKA Dr La Spesh

    @Chris – have you finished yet? My arms are getting tired holding my handbag up to my chest a la Reeves & Mortimer…

    I’m with Erm on this one. Think you’re getting infected with HYSitis. I come on here to rip the shit out of long paragraphs of disproportionately angry and nasty self-obsession, not plough through them from fellow posters.

    (Notice I’m Dr La Spesh, as this is my professional opinion)

  214. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:09 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Hey Neil – I wasn’t accusing you of something you didn’t do, I was pointing out the fact that you couldn’t tell ‘pc euphemism’ from pisstake. But, keep it up and don’t leave, you are less angry than Chris at the moment, and therefore a relief.

  215. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:12 pm Chris

    I’m done now, yes.

    I’d apologise, but I’m not going to.

  216. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:13 pm Daley Mayle

    Some would say bloggers are people not good enough to be journalists; also-rans with chips on their shoulders, who hate and resent the people they wished they could be.

    I usually lurk, but Chris, you are starting to hijack threads just as much as Neil Crazy and 1984RFR did. And it’s actually more frustrating as a) you aren’t an out-and-out loon we can berate for shits ‘n’ giggles and b) most of your comments are okay but then you get tiresome as you write far too much and you always seem to go on about people you hate.

    I agree with La Spesh – after all, she IS the site psychologist*. CHILL OUT.

    *God help us all!

  217. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:14 pm TomTom (after two big mugs of coffee and a Relentless)

    Why don’t I fuck off back to my job? Cos it’s Saturday.

    “WE can get our own stuff from the wire,” you say, hence the problems for the print newspaper industry. OK. And the ‘stuff’ you get from ‘the wire’ – where does that come from?

    Anyone?

    That’s right…

    It’s….

    JOURNALISTS!!!!!

    I’m beginning to feel sorry for Chris, folks. It’s all becoming clear. Look at the facts (not views): The hatred of the media (or at least, the straw man version of the media in his head); the boyhood heroes who were all journalists; the blog written ‘primarily about the media’ which he doesn’t feel the need to defend but which he painstakingly types a link to every time he posts on here… do you want to be a journalist, Chris? Is that what this is all about? Aww.

    Tell you what, write a letter to the editor of your local rag, maybe they’ll let you come on work experience for a week or two. Then you’ll see what a ridiculous straw man you’ve constructed. To think you had the nerve to accuse me of the same.

    PS: “Fred the Shred” isn’t alliteration, it’s a rhyme. My two-year-old knows what a rhyme is. Maybe you won’t get that work experience after all…

  218. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:16 pm There's No Need for That

    @Chris – are you Catherine Oliver’s angry little brother? I’m picturing you as the classic teen Kevin of Harry Enfield fame, but less funny. A lot less funny.

    No pudding for you until you say sorry, young fellow mi’ lad!

  219. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:19 pm Chris

    I can’t disagree – at one time I did want to be a journalist. Then I got into a newsroom and found out what actually went on in there.

    Much happier not being a hack. And really, I’m not a blogger. I didn’t set it up until I left the UK, and with both kinds of work rarely find the inclination to post.

    I said I was done…

  220. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:25 pm Chris

    PS: “Fred the Shred” isn’t alliteration, it’s a rhyme. My two-year-old knows what a rhyme is. Maybe you won’t get that work experience after all…

    This is the kind of pedantic bullshit that made you look like a twat when you attempted to berate Charles Exford for saying prosecute when he meant sue.

    You still look like a twat. I mean, I do, but I don’t care because I’m a fulfilled and happy human being who lives 12,000 miles from you. You’re a soon-to-be-unemployed journalist.

    By the way, I don’t type anything for that link – it’s an OpenID. You twat.

  221. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:33 pm A Big Woofter

    john adair:

    promotional homosexualism

    Intriguing concept. Is that ‘bum one, get one free’?

  222. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:40 pm TomTom (after two big mugs of coffee, a Relentless and a cheese toastie)

    Ah, no fair! Earlier, you berated the straw man media for ‘making the most basic of grammatical errors’ – now we’re not allowed to be pedantic? How are we supposed to avoid making errors without showing any awareness of error-making?

    You’re right though, I made a twat of myself in that first post. My apologies to Charles Exford, if he gives a shit. I’m sure he’s glad you’re there for him, telling everyone what he meant. So yes, I WAS a twat on that occasion. Since then, you’ve made all the running.

    Good to know you’re happy and fulfilled. But I wasn’t about to lose any sleep over it. Bye.

    PS: What’s an OpenID? Anyone? I don’t know because no-one’s ever told me, which makes me a twat.

    PPS: What time is it in Wellington, New Zealand? 1.41am. Case closed.

  223. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:44 pm Clovis Sangrail

    @A big woofter “Intriguing concept. Is that ‘bum one, get one free’?” Or maybe one gets to be lucky jacques in the middle?
    @Chris – Please, be funny (you are) not angry any more?
    @Tom Tom – Don’t leave, stick around.

  224. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:48 pm Chris

    You’re just the cunt you were in the first post. A cunt who can’t read, it seems – just your pathetic straw man argument, not the entire media. But then I don’t expect degree level engagement from someone whose entire profession hinges on being able to jump to a conclusion, and who doesn’t need one to shit out a string of simple sentences.

    Yeah, I’m done with you now. Just another dumb little twatbubble hack. Aw.

  225. on 05 Sep 2009 at 2:50 pm Chris

    @Clovis

    Okay, I’m going to be genuinely apologetic now.

    My WCOOP game starts in 5 minutes, so I have to leave it somewhere. Vicky Coren isn’t playing though.

  226. on 05 Sep 2009 at 6:30 pm Paranoid Mandroid

    As another “soon-to-be-unemployed” journalist, I feel compelled to ask Chris if he would like some ketchup with that?

  227. on 05 Sep 2009 at 7:38 pm Any Rand will do

    @Chris – whether or not you care whether people think you’re a twat, you’re still fouling your own nest, and unless you’re a gannet, that’s not healthy, not healthy at all.

    Maybe you should find an outlet for all this pent up rage – CiF might be worth a try? Here’s a good thread to get those grumpy teeth into.

  228. on 05 Sep 2009 at 7:52 pm TomTom (after a bit of a nap)

    @Paranoid Mandroid: BACK OFF, I SAW HIM FIRST!

  229. on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:27 pm johm Adair's Gerbil

    @everbody

    Calm down, calm down…

  230. on 05 Sep 2009 at 10:33 pm Blah blah blah blah issues blah blah blah blah badger'snadgers

    TomTom:

    PS: What’s an OpenID? Anyone? I don’t know because no-one’s ever told me, which makes me a twat.

    and/or a supposed journalist who can’t handle a search engine?

  231. on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:01 pm TomTom

    OK, I’ll Google it. I was only asking.

  232. on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:15 pm funny peculiar

    quite drunk, hysterical, high-pitched, screaming girl’s voice in high heels and a sparkly mini-dress, bathed in street-orange neon outside Abrakebabra take-away.

    LEAVE IT CHRIS, IT’S NOT WORTH IT! WE WERE JUST TALKIN’, THAT’S ALL!

  233. on 05 Sep 2009 at 11:39 pm Chris

    Any Rand

    Maybe you should find an outlet for all this pent up rage – CiF might be worth a try? Here’s a good thread to get those grumpy teeth into.

    They banned me. For a lot less than you’d think… and that time, I was being especially careful, because that was my second ban.

    It’s really not worth it. But it’s a reslly beautiful day, so as summer comes it’s progressively less worth it. No one complains about the weather here, except me.

  234. on 06 Sep 2009 at 12:13 am @everyone

    these comment threads started off good, everyone was agreeing and making jokes,now theyve gones bad everoyone’s using them as there personal vent at societys ills, be it right or left it doesn’t matter.

    this site takes the piss out of idiots, unfortunatly a lot of the idiots comments are right wing. This does not mean that this site is left so stop calling everyone lefties and saying how ridiculous it all is.

    i mean for fucks sake people it’s not really that hard, there’s about 200 comments here, roughley 30-40 of them are about john adair.

    Now yes, hey may be a sad cunt who believes you can vote for stormfront, (which is a forum) and he may go on and on about how much he hates other cultures, but he’s trying to prevoke people, just ignore him and he’ll go away and if he doesn’t then you won’t be reading his comments anyway so what he says doesn’t matter.

    If you fight idiots with logic they’ll respond with idiocy, if you ignore idiots then they’ll go away (hopefully) this is why John has posted more on this thread than any other, becuase your talking to him and if you really want him to leave then you know what to do.

    ok, ive rambled enough doubtless ive made thousands of errors, but that doesn’t matter as long as what
    i say is vaguely sensicle (which is a new word not a mistake).

    I’m gonna close with two things, firstly: don’t make this site another hys or youtube filled with billions of idiots arguing

    Secondly: WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCKO THE CLOWN???

  235. on 06 Sep 2009 at 12:23 am Joystons Choice

    You mean, Fucko. T. Clown, deceased?

  236. on 06 Sep 2009 at 12:58 am Any Rand will do

    @@everyone – But… but he/it/they started it!

    :-(

  237. on 06 Sep 2009 at 12:46 pm john adair

    From the BBC website

    The BBC has confirmed it may invite British National Party leader Nick Griffin to appear on a future edition of the Question Time programme.

    Excellent news, that should put the cat amongst the pigeons. Now that big brother has finished, I am in need of a good slanging match fix.
    Put my name down to be in the audience for that one, bring it on.

  238. on 06 Sep 2009 at 1:05 pm 1984 returns for real

    “When I visited the Royal Air Force Museum at RAF Scampton the other week, I was told that they had received a visit from the filmakers who are re-shooting the famous war film the “Dambusters”. Apparently it is being made in New Zealand.

    I was also told that the filmakers are agonising over the name of the dog that belonged to Wing Commander Guy Gibson VC.DSO.DFC (with bars), the Commanding Officer of 617 squadron which was based at Scampton.

    As we all know it was a black Labrador called “Nigger”

    In this more peaceful age when 52,000 young men are not being blown out of the sky by German Ack Ack or shot to pieces by Luftwaffe night fighters, people have time on their hands to think of such unimportant things as the changing of a dog’s name!

    I was incredulous when told this and asked what new name was being considered and was told “Trigger”.

    I was concerned at the anguish this could possibly cause to the very much loved Trigger in “Only Fools and Horses” or even to Roy Rogers’ horse.

    However, I did feel reassured after reading an article in the Daily Telegraph.

    Under the headline – Immigration is a drain on the country – it reported that a judge addressing Liverpool Crown Court said that immigration contributed to the National Debt and that hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants were abusing Britain’s border controls and were causing an enormous strain on Britain’s resources – and the name of the Judge?

    JUDGE TRIGGER!!

    Therefore I heartily recommend that the dog’s name is changed from “Nigger to Trigger” so that every time we hear it in future it will remind us of a brave judge who is not afraid to tell the truth.”


  239. That’s better Chris – for a moment I feared you were starting to show signs of inteligence but I am glad to see you are back to defending the normal cut thrust of intellectual discourse here.

  240. on 06 Sep 2009 at 2:12 pm Mim

    So Catherine Oliver is not only 15 but also not particularly bright according to standardised testing? I feel even eviller now.

    On the plus side I now have Mr Mim’s permission to shag Charlie Brooker. Hurrah. I’m sure he’s totally in my league.

  241. on 06 Sep 2009 at 2:27 pm Clovis Sangrail

    “the normal cut thrust of intellectual discourse here.” Blimey – I hope we’ll have no intellectualism HERE. There are other sites for THAT sort of thing.

  242. on 06 Sep 2009 at 3:23 pm Andy H

    Thing about john Adairs’s rambling post it doesn’t make grammatical sense. If you start a sentence with the word Unlike, its common grammatical courtesy to actually state what it is ‘like’ in the same sentence not a new paragraph. Then he goes on to state that the BNP is a moderate rightwing party, but their website is full of filth and run by muslim christian haters. So if he means Muslims who hate Christians, I think he may have get the wrong idea about who runs the BNP, I’m not sure but I don’t think its a pro Allah organisation.
    If on the otherhand he means ‘People who hate Muslims and Christians’ then he’s nearer the point.

    If however he meant SYB is run by Muslims who hate Christian then he doesn’t know the meaning of the word Multicultural.

    After all the ethanol inspired waffle I’m left with the single simple conclusion. The bloke is a cunt.

  243. on 06 Sep 2009 at 3:29 pm Major Gowan

    @Andy H

    No No No, I wont have that, John Adair is not a cunt, I rather like a nice cunt, John Adair is a malignant left testicle, an infertile one at that.
    Let that be the end of it.

  244. on 06 Sep 2009 at 5:47 pm Second Class post

    By the way… to all the BNP boy’s brigade mooching around here waiting for the pubs to open.

    I’m a JEW! A big-nosed lawyer JEW. I got family in New York in the media, I got family in banking in Israel. You didn’t kill us when you had your last chance 65 years ago and you’re a bunch of sad pathetic inadequate dinosaurs. You can’t even admit to what you did and want to say the holocaust is a Jewish lie.

    You are pathetic. Vote BNP, you tiny little weed, I’ll flatten you with mainstream law.

  245. on 07 Sep 2009 at 12:19 am 1984 returns for real

    ‘I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that we had lost the Second World War! Everyone was driving Japanese cars and riding Japanese motorcycles.
    ‘Germany had even taken control of Rolls Royce! Harrods and the Dorchester were in Arab hands. British Airways were no longer flying the flag. Even the Midland Bank had been taken over by the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank. Europe was about to take control of our monetary system, and were refusing to allow the Queen’s head to appear on our banknotes.
    ‘Then I woke up and realised that it was not a dream. Can someone please tell me what our soldiers died for?’

  246. on 07 Sep 2009 at 1:33 am Joystons Choice

    They are refusing to allow the Queens head to appear on banknotes!?!? What, not even ‘like magic’? Where do I sign!

  247. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:41 am Ed van Nearly Adair

    Wow, we now have Nearly Craig, AND JA-vole, AND 1984RFR, AND Chris Gone Wild (Chris, I agree with you, but stay the right side of the line). Could this get any… uh… better?

    (@Daley, you are a genius for “Neil Crazy” – think “Nearly Crazy” would work? I like “Nearly Craig” for how it says he’s a failure)

  248. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:42 am Ed van Nearly Adair

    ps Please, everyone, stop rising to the unholy trinity’s floating turds. They really really want you to react. Deny them the oxygen of oxygen.

  249. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:49 am Joshua Goldblum

    Labour did not keep its promise for a referendum.
    Labour has not got tough on crime.
    Labour has not curbed the immigration problem.
    Labour Mps have filled their pockets too.
    Labour promised for Police on the streets.

    Is there any party to take up the challenge?

    My Reply is YES the BNP is the only party which will sort out this mess. Maybe we will then see justice and most MP’s will be convicted of Fraud.

  250. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:08 am one of the eds

    1984RFR, which side do you mean by “our soldiers”?

    Because it was the Nazis who wanted to take over the world. The allies were actually trying to stop them. Couldn’t make it up, eh?

  251. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:16 am one of the eds

    Wow, it’s like a condensed master class in “Why Moral Relativism Is Retarded”. I guess we were right to say that gays (and dykes!) were mentally ill back in the 50s, because that was what Society thought?

    Moral relativists would surely argue that it was neither ‘right’ nor ‘wrong’. Just open to more than one interpretation.

    If you reject the concept of moral relativism, you are effectively saying “I’m right and everyone who disagrees with me, in the past, present or future, is wrong”.

    At least, that’s how I see it.

  252. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:24 am Doe, Adair, a female deer

    My Reply is YES the BNP is the only party which will sort out this mess. Maybe we will then see justice and most MP’s will be convicted of Fraud.

    Why not, senior BNP members have been convincted of various offences in the past, I suppose fraud wouldn’t look out of place on the CV.

    *goes off to write ‘I must not bite’ 100 times on the blackboard, if the ethnofascists will still let me use the word black, you couldn’t make it up etc.*

  253. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:26 am Doe, Adair, a female deer

    Double arseburger with cheese, screwed up blockquotes again.

  254. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:11 am crumhorn

    This thread is surely fucked..

  255. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:50 am immoral relativist

    At least, that’s how I see it.

    Which makes you both wrong and right.

  256. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:26 am 7rew

    Its a sad day.

    The Daily Mail comments on this story are now saner than the ones here.

    WTF?

  257. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:45 am john Adair's Gerbil

    @Doe, Adair, a female deer.

    LOL.

  258. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:15 am Apricot Split

    @1984RFR,

    I had a nightmare last night…

    Were you browsing a website where the majority of poster did not hold your world view, then they got hold of your or your wife’s mobile number via ZanNuLiarBore Black Magic, then send threatening texts at around 4 in the morning? Was that the nightmare?

    Best vote BNP then, eh? When it comes down to decision time in the General Election sometime in the next year, let’s see just how far off we will be from a BNP government. No reply is necessary; all that counts is the GE.

  259. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:32 am Versus Christus

    If you reject the concept of moral relativism, you are effectively saying “I’m right and everyone who disagrees with me, in the past, present or future, is wrong”.

    Or that there is some absolute sense of right and wrong that we only partially understand. Just like how the laws of mathematics are fixed but not fully understood. Like, if I say that pi = 3.15, it doesn’t matter if John Adair and the whole of ZaNuLiarBore agree with me, because we’re still wrong. Similarly if I claim that boy rape is just a bit of harmless fun, it doesn’t matter if Gary Glitter and the ancient Greeks agree with me, because we’re still wrong. Aaah, do you not see? You can prove anything with facts. Aaah.

  260. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:34 am Shackleton

    I think everyone’s getting withdrawal symptoms from SYB – we need a new thread, something to poke fun at – remember the days when you used to laugh reading this site, not scoop hate from your eyes?

    This thread has become… well, the best word I can think for it is simply ‘horrible’.

    Consider my two pennies worth contributed.

  261. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:52 am Shackleton

    Pedants: please find below the missing apostrophe from my post.

    Apologies.

  262. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:56 am Can we have the blah filter back.

    blahblahblah.

  263. on 07 Sep 2009 at 12:49 pm dirigible

    If you reject the concept of moral relativism, you are effectively saying “I’m right and everyone who disagrees with me, in the past, present or future, is wrong”.

    And if you accept the concept of moral relativism then you are doing the same. While also trying to assert the odourlessness of your faeces.

    Who are moral relativists to question moral absolutists? Moral relativism is just another belief after all.

    Very few people remain moral relativists once you start taking the piss out of them. All of a sudden your epistemes become commensurable and what you are doing becomes wrong in a way that looks suspiciously like a cross-cultural value judgement.

    This leads me to conclude that relativists are ruptured ringtails’ ringpieces.

  264. on 07 Sep 2009 at 1:42 pm Oaf

    Pedants: please find below the missing apostrophe from my post.

    Don’t be so mean. Please cut out this section and use am apostrophe whenever one is required:

    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘

    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘

    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘

    ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘

    Also, whenever an apostrophe is used where one is not needed, cut out a piece of this blank space and stick it over it:

    .

  265. on 07 Sep 2009 at 1:43 pm Oaf

    Obviously, I meant an apostrophe, not am apostrophe.

  266. on 07 Sep 2009 at 1:51 pm john adair

    The BNP on question time, they have already taking over HYS, Today speak your branes, tommorrow the world.

  267. on 07 Sep 2009 at 1:53 pm Topsy turvey

    YES!!, I am a big supporter of the BNP and as they are a legitimate political party of course they should be given a voice. Thats democracy after all.

    I am sick and tired of immigration and multi-culture being rammed down our throats. Multiculturalism is a failed experiment now lets reverse it and let get our country back again. Multiculturalism is like putting different kinds of animals into the same cage…they’ll end up killing each other in the end.

    Mike Smith, NORWICH

    The indigenous Britain has awoken, time for change.

  268. on 07 Sep 2009 at 2:19 pm My Foot Hurts.

    Multiculturalism is like putting different kinds of animals into the same cage…they’ll end up killing each other in the end.

    Mike Smith, NORWICH

    Wrong! I’ve got two rabbits and a guinea-pig in the same cage, and they get on very well, even though one of them’s black.

    I think it’s just that none of my pet rodents are racist bigots.

  269. on 07 Sep 2009 at 2:21 pm Shackleton

    Oaf, we need more practical-minded people like you! A great solution, though if we were to take it to HYS I fear we’d have to increase the key repeat rate on our computers to astronomical levels to get enough to go round before we die, fingers gnarled and fixed to our keyboards.

  270. on 07 Sep 2009 at 2:25 pm Ugly Newt

    they are a legitimate political party

    Saying it in a high-pitched voice doesn’t make it any more true.

  271. on 07 Sep 2009 at 2:36 pm handwringing liberal

    Multiculturalism is like putting different kinds of animals into the same cage…
    Mike Smith, NORWICH

    Mike ‘caged beast’ Smith is conflating culture, race and species. Schoolboy error.

  272. on 07 Sep 2009 at 2:48 pm lesbian

    @ dyke

    hey dyke, wanna make out?

  273. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:03 pm john adair

    Wrong! I’ve got two rabbits and a guinea-pig in the same cage, and they get on very well, even though one of them’s black.

    I think it’s just that none of my pet rodents are racist bigots.

    I think you will find the black you are talking about is the colour of the fur.
    Even the BNP do not mind people with black hair. I admit, blond hair and blue eyes are better, but I get around that by shaving my head and having Hull tatooed on it.

  274. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:16 pm Would the real john adair please shut the fuck up

    I get around that by shaving my head and having Hull tatooed on it

    You do know that inmates are only required to have it written on their uniform, not their scalp?

  275. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:19 pm Topsy turvey

    There is no justifiable reason why one of the upcoming political parties in this country which is growing day by day and has considerable public support should be pushed to one side because of the archaic views of the dinosaur parties.

    They don’t want the BNP there because they know that it will put them in an unfavorable view as the BNP are progressive, know what this country wants and CAN deliver it no matter how unpopular it is.

    Hard times need hard ways!

    Joshua Porteus, Oxford, United Kingdom

    Yes, the main political parties are scared to engage in dialogue with the BNP because the BNP policies are what the majority indigenous population are screaming out for.
    They think its better to bury their heads in the sand and hope they go away. Blood on the streets was predicted by Enoch Powell in the 1960′s. The next generation will live to see that dream realised.

  276. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:20 pm john adair

    I will be outside the studios on the day of filming that question time.
    Kick some UAF heads.

  277. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:23 pm 1984 returns for real

    @ apricot split

    Were you browsing a website where the majority of poster did not hold your world view, then they got hold of your or your wife’s mobile number via ZanNuLiarBore Black Magic, then send threatening texts at around 4 in the morning? Was that the nightmare?

    Look at the BBC question time HYS, you will find more people willing to stick up for the BNP than not. Perhaps its your worldview that is distorted.

  278. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:28 pm Oaf

    know what this country wants and CAN deliver it no matter how unpopular it is.

    So it’s what the country wants and it’s unpopular?

  279. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:30 pm Dave Blake

    I an sick to death of people telling me how bad and wring the BNP are and then refusing to argue the point with them.

    Stop telling me they are wrong, show me, because at the moment they are making more sense than a lot of others.

  280. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:32 pm A true blue one

    Free speech without the BBC being biased towards foreigners.

    The BBC should also remember that the BNP is getting support from many quarters including ex-conservatives,labour and lib-dems and the more they favour the immigrants the more support the BNP will get.

    The PC brigade, the BBC, Ken Livingstone and co are all doing a wonderful job in recuiting for the BNP.

    When will they ever learn?

  281. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:36 pm Harry Houdini

    The BBC should not act as judge and jury as to who should be on the show. The BNP are a legitimate party and thus have every right as other political party`s.
    People voted for the BNP because the other supposedly main party`s have failed this country`s people in immigration and lawlessness time after time after time after time.
    “One million voters can`t be wrong BBC”.
    People do not have to be members to vote for any party.
    The BNP have every right to be on the programme.

  282. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:38 pm Far Q

    Nelson must be turning in his grave, what has he created?

  283. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:52 pm funny peculiar

    Look at the BBC question time HYS, you will find more people willing to stick up for the BNP than not. Perhaps its your worldview that is distorted. 1984rtr

    Or perhaps, just per-fucking-haps, instead of representing the Great British Public, HYS is famous for being overrun with dickheads who make a one watt bulb look like a thermonuclear flash? HYS regularly performs logic jumps such as: ‘All terrorists are muslim, therefore all muslims are terrorists’. The emotionally-crippled hard-core posters (like yourself) spend vast chunks of their time ranting about how their precious opinions are censored. As if anyone gives a flying fuck about your god-awful hateful opinion.

    You (HYS) are not a representation of the electorate. You are a bunch of truly sad twats. You are addicted to posting on one of the most ridiculed and asinine websites in the UK. Plus, You are well aware that HYS’s ‘popularity contest’ is controlled by sockpuppets. You and Adair are some of the most laughably guilty offenders of multi-voting. You hijack the balance of opinion at the BBC’s HYS and turn it into The Home For The Permanently Angry and Confused. A dozen tiny-minded dicks with hundreds of memberships. You are the reason it is famously stupid. All sane people have fled.

    And I don’t hold out much hope for SYB either now that all you painfully thick, retarded, ignorant, provincial, one-eyed fucking morons have turned up. I thank fuck I’m not like you. It must be hell to be so unenlightened and to think such small thoughts.

    Normal people don’t waste their lives posting at HYS. But, hey, you do! Go figure. And now you come here and claim HYS represents the mainstream electorate’s view? You stupid fucking dick. You haven’t got a clue.

  284. on 07 Sep 2009 at 3:54 pm Marx & Sparx

    Harry Houdini

    Did you actually read the whole article or did you just spunk over your keyboard at the 1st mention that the BNP were likely to appear on Question Time?

  285. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:01 pm TheViolentMajority

    Good lord, I take a couple of week’s holiday and what on earth is going down?

    The site is full of ubermental fringe of HaveYourSeizure and Chris appears to have lost his marbles and gone all HYS in a gamekeeper turned poacher stylee.

    Troll feeding has reached endemic levels, and now they’re all here living in our threads, sponging off our comments.

    Black armband day.

  286. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:07 pm Ugly Newt

    From what I can see, most of the HYSers are saying that they disagree with the BNP, but they should be allowed on telly in the interests of free speech. The actual BNP voters appear to have been redirected to this place instead.

  287. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:48 pm That Bloke in the corner

    As amusing as all this is-please, another thread, one that john adair has no opinion on (I know,tall order). It IS starting to sound more like HYS-FACT. I admit I have been trolling around on there the past couple of days and making up my own amusement.Can we not agree to disagree (in a liberalleftwingdogoodingstyle) and accept that we are all special in our unique little quirky ways?
    PS Fucko,dead? a sad loss to humanity, I suppose you are going to tell me Gobbler has visited the vets and been ‘put to sleep’ next.

  288. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:53 pm Go Home!!

    Im going to start a new party that is like the BNP. They dont want different types in their country and I dont want all these dicks from HYS on this website making political statments. You are different in that you are not funny and are dicks and I am going to start a campaign to ship you off back to your own country(HYS). Have a some of your own medicine! Fuck Off Home!

  289. on 07 Sep 2009 at 4:56 pm Liberal Left And Proud

    Aaargh, please tell me this is a sick nightmare. It’s like dawn of the dead, although the baddies are slightly less animated.

  290. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:13 pm spungin imgrunt

    Look at the BBC question time HYS, you will find more people willing to stick up for the BNP than not. Perhaps its your worldview that is distorted. – 1984 returns for a cup of tasty cum

    Hahaha! The opinions of the tossers who comment on HYS are a representative slice of a bunch of cunts.

  291. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:14 pm miguel

    NELSON, ALEX, ANYONE PLEASE EITHER INSTALL BLAH FILTER OR WRITE SOMETHING NEW.

  292. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:15 pm SHUT UP

    please will everyone just shut the fuck up about the trolls, you can’t win, they just keep on posting and stop trying to laugh at them it encourages them.

  293. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:16 pm spungin imgrunt

    The PC brigade, the BBC, Ken Livingstone and co are all doing a wonderful job in recuiting for the BNP. – True Blue Cunt

    Who are the PC brigade everyone talks about? Can they fix my computer?

  294. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:19 pm spungin imgrunt

    please will everyone just shut the fuck up about the trolls, you can’t win, they just keep on posting and stop trying to laugh at them it encourages them.

    But it’s like they’re our pet trolls. We don’t even have to go as far as the BBC website to find something stoopid to laugh at any more, they’ve come to us.

  295. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:25 pm SHUT UP

    and comon people for fucks sake lets stop talking about the fucking bnp, there not interesting and their not funny, this is a site for FUNNY things, not, john adiar, neil craig, ll&p and 1984 rfr just fuck of guys ok? your not funny and your definatly not who you say you are. You may read this and ignore it cuase you know it’s correct becuase if you hate this site so much WHY DO YOU POST HERE?

    IF no responce i take it that means your gonna leave.

  296. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:28 pm crumhorn

    “They dont want different types in their country ..”

    I love how they’d reckon that a white building worker from Streatham has more in common “culturally” with a Welsh hill farmer or Cornish crabber than he has with the black workmate he goes for a pint with on the way home.

    They fail from the get-go and yet dickheads still fall for it. Got to have someone to blame for their own uselessness I suppose.

    Are these threads lockable?

  297. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:42 pm Apricot Split

    @1984RFR:

    Look at the BBC question time HYS, you will find more people willing to stick up for the BNP than not. Perhaps its your worldview that is distorted.

    As that was directed at me, I can comment, so SHUT UP, shut up!

    That is a non-sequiter. I said this that the majority of posters here (SYB) do not share your world-view: You said [insert turdspurt quoted above]. Fuck me, have you been taking logic lessons from Neil Craig? Did you ever admit that the owner(s) of this website do not have magic powers to turn an IP address to a mobile number?
    Person A: Most grapes grown here are green.
    Person B: Well, most people like me, prefer their tomatoes red, so you’re wrong!
    See how that works?

    This is an alliteration: You are a racist racoon’s rancid ringpiece.
    It is also a fact, FACT.

    @SHUT UP. No matter how angry/frustrated one is, there’s no excuse for such offensive spelling.

  298. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:45 pm Apricot Split

    Of course, after ticking off SHUT UP, I find I’ve done it as well.
    Non-sequitur.

  299. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:46 pm spungin imgrunt

    @SHUT UP. To piss people like you off. Here’s how it goes: Quick half an hour on Stormfront getting all het-up with other irrationalists; 20mins here being all controversial and feeling like a noble outsider holding the burning sword of truth; then thirty seconds on interRacialFacial.com pumping the burning sword of truth to climax.

  300. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:51 pm Apricot Split

    Bugger me. After I googled for the correct spelling of Non-sequitur, I naturally found the Wikipedia article.
    It is a MASTERCLASS of HYS “though process”. It’s (nearly) all there. Have a read:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non_sequitur_(logic)

  301. on 07 Sep 2009 at 5:54 pm Apricot Split

    Sorry to hijack the thread, but Neil, if you’re reading, please have a read of the Wikipedia article I linked to above. Last post from me today. Unless ….


  302. If the big parties’ MPs get away with genocide, war crimes, child rape & cannibalism I wouldn’t be certain of getting them for fraud.

    On the other hand it worked for Capone.

    Whatever anybody thinks of the BNP just be glad they aren’t murdering Nazis like the government.

  303. on 07 Sep 2009 at 6:12 pm Apricot Split

    He was reading, just not properly. Quelle surprise!
    No-one say a word!

  304. on 07 Sep 2009 at 6:13 pm Admiral Grovworth, III

    they are a legitimate political party

    Surely an SYBer wrote that as a sick joke?

    There is no justifiable reason why one of the upcoming political parties in this country which is growing day by day and has considerable public support should be pushed to one side because of the archaic views of the dinosaur parties. – Joshua

    Here’s a hint: it’s because they’re shit.

    And I don’t hold out much hope for SYB either now that all you painfully thick, retarded, ignorant, provincial, one-eyed fucking morons have turned up. – FP

    Luckily, I don’t think they have. Unless five of them showed up in 20 minutes, and they’re not clever enough to co-ordinate something like that. Besides, silly fucktard spelled 1984ReturnsForReal’s name wrong.

    Incidentally, today’s bad sandwich idea: red bull and tuna.

  305. on 07 Sep 2009 at 6:26 pm That Bloke in the corner

    @Admiral Grovworth, III, mmm, red bull and tuna eh? Can I up the ante and throw in Fanta and piccalilli?

  306. on 07 Sep 2009 at 6:27 pm funny peculiar

    Whatever anybody thinks of the BNP just be glad they aren’t murdering Nazis like the government.

    The world according to Neil Craig… everybody’s a Nazi, except the Nazis.

    Genius.

  307. on 07 Sep 2009 at 6:48 pm people that used to come here for a laugh

    Sigh. Bye bye SYB :(

  308. on 07 Sep 2009 at 7:04 pm Rotwatcher

    piccalilli

    Go on, admit it, you know how to spell the yellow condiment, you just don’t know when to stop.

    In case there’s ever a vote or anything, I don’t give a shit if a couple of stupids from HYS show up here. The quality of discourse, plus the fact that most of us can spell and aren’t married to immediate family members, will surely put them off remaining.

    Bad sandwich idea: Loo Bloo and custard.

  309. on 07 Sep 2009 at 7:10 pm Probably a blockquote fail

    Whatever anybody thinks of the BNP just be glad they aren’t murdering Nazis like the government.

    Only Brad Pitt should be allowed to kill nazis. Brown just doesn’t have the on-screen presence to pull it off.

  310. on 07 Sep 2009 at 7:11 pm Probably a blockquote fail

    Get in! First time lucky with the blockquote! I feel at least 10% smarter than other people.

  311. on 07 Sep 2009 at 7:15 pm Paranoid Mandroid

    Fuck me, it’s like the Hellmouth has opened up around here. Has the time of the Anti-CrHYSt finally come?!?

  312. on 07 Sep 2009 at 7:20 pm john adair

    Im going to start a new party that is like the BNP. They dont want different types in their country and I dont want all these dicks from HYS on this website making political statments. You are different in that you are not funny and are dicks and I am going to start a campaign to ship you off back to your own country(HYS). Have a some of your own medicine! Fuck Off Home!

    The irony, you leftys fill our country with immigrants, some qualified and stealing high paid jobs, the majority unqualified and stealing low paid jobs, many stealing full stop, selling drugs, watering down our culture and the minority plotting to blow us up.
    You moan when we complain about our homes, jobs and country being swamped, yet complain when we visit YOUR website.
    At least irony is not dead on speak your branes.

  313. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:11 pm That Bloke in the corner

    immigrants, some qualified and stealing high paid jobs, the majority unqualified and stealing low paid jobs

    If thay are qualified, why shouldn’t they have a punt at high paid jobs along with the born and bred Ingerlish qualified (I am assuming that john only recognises Ingerland and not those other Celtic immugrunt countries), and if they are stealing the low paid jobs, dos this not infer that the indigenous unqualified, can’t be bothered to get off their arse and do them? Therefore there wouldn’t be low paid unqualified jobs for them to steal-If I am right?

    Oh shit, sorry I’ve just realised that I am encouraging him-getting my coat.

    Bad sandwich idea, chili beans and Ajax.

  314. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:12 pm That Bloke in the corner

    At least irony is not dead on speak your branes.

    Is that like Goldy and Coppery?

  315. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:26 pm Mim

    I really like kittens and puppies and cake and pie and rainbows.

  316. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:28 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Anti-CrHYSt

    Mandroid, that has (almost) made this whole thread bearable. I have gone and put a hat on just so I can take my hat off to you, sir (ma’am?). Bravo!

    (Quite jealous, really. That was a Level 5 Pasta-Spitter at least)

  317. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:30 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @Mim – ooh, me too! I taught TYF how to make apple pie last night. A resounding success, I’m pleased to report. I also like pretty ribbons. Do you like pretty ribbons?

  318. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:30 pm Kurious Orange

    Is that like Goldy and Coppery?

    Yes, but the immigrunts are less likely to steal it.

    Bad sandwich idea: Mayonnaise and Savlon.

  319. on 07 Sep 2009 at 8:56 pm My Foot Hurts.

    @ La Spesh and Mim

    Hate to be a gender stereotype but I really like fast cars, violent computer games and beer. And rabbits and guinea pigs, obviously.

    Oh, and apple pie (*hint*)

  320. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:03 pm idiot Joy showland

    The irony, you leftys fill our country with immigrants, some qualified and stealing high paid jobs, the majority unqualified and stealing low paid jobs, many moan cack bloody cack rubbish

    Wrong, wrong, wrong. Now go to the library (sorry, Wikipedia) and look up Globalisation, neo-Liberalism, neo-Conservatism.

    You moan when we complain about our homes, jobs and country being swamped, yet complain when we visit YOUR website.
    At least irony is not dead on speak your branes.

    It was the friggin weather that swamped homes in Hull not immugrints! They get the fucking blame for everything!

    Irony is alive and well on SYB, it’s pretty much defunct on HYS, BNP and Stormfront though.

  321. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:13 pm idiot Joy showland

    Shit, what am I doing responding to the supposed john Adair fucker when we all know that he’s a fraud!

    Forgive me please SYB Gods, I promise I’ll be funny in the future.*

    *but don’t hold your collective breath.

  322. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:13 pm Any Rand will do

    I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that we had lost the Second World War!… Europe was about to take control of our monetary system, and were refusing to allow the Queen’s head to appear on our banknotes.
    Then I woke up and realised that it was not a dream. Can someone please tell me what our soldiers died for?

    The Monarch’s head didn’t appear on our bank notes until 1960 so they certainly weren’t dying for that, you crapulent crustacean’s cream-stick.

    However, if you would like to sacrifice your life for that particular cause I’m sure there are plenty here who would help to hold open a large sack of shit for you to dive headfirst into, and maybe they’ll tie it up tight afterwards in case you change your mind.

  323. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:15 pm tw@basket.com

    I really like kittens and puppies and cake and pie and rainbows.

    What, all in the one sandwich? That’s just greedy.

    My suggestion: pomegranate and polonium.

  324. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:24 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    I’m glad that the Speak You’re Branes website has had some sense brought to it by those defending free speech.

    Now we can have a serious debate on this website, which is surely what we all visit here for?

    I loathe all that the BNP stand for, but I’m glad that the BBC / Speak You’re Branes are finally engaging with them.

    Oh, just one other thing – I hate black people.

  325. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:26 pm cute chick

    Me & my girlfriend really really like one cup.

  326. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:33 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    “It was the friggin weather that swamped homes in Hull not immugrints!”

    And where do you think the weather comes from? That’s right – FROM FOREIGN.

    British weather for British racists NOW.

  327. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:34 pm Topsy turvey

    British taxpayers will be forced to pay an estimated £1 billion to subsidise the current immigrant baby boom — meaning that they will be paying for their own colonisation by the Third World.

    The cost of the immigration invasion was revealed in a report issued by the “cross party group on immigration.” This panicked front of old gang party politicians were only spurred into action through fear of the British National Party’s growth.

    The exorbitant bill will fund the creation of more school places for the colonisers’ children. According to the estimates, some 96,000 extra places will be needed in the coming years, with nearly 70 percent of that number going to children of parents born outside the UK.

    This is the equivalent of nearly 500 extra primary schools of 200 pupils each. In addition to this burden, it will also cost the British taxpayer at least £200 million a year to run these schools.

    The research, undertaken by Migrationwatch, used the latest population estimates for England and Wales. These show the number of five-year-olds as 607,000, but the number now in their first year (aged 0) is 703,000. When those aged 0 today reach primary school age, they will be the highest primary school entry for 16 years.

    Of the 96,000 increase in five-year-olds, about 29,000 (30 percent) are children with both their mother and father born in the UK. Some 54,000 (56 percent) are children whose parents are both foreign born. The other 13,000 (14 percent) have one foreign born parent.

    The shocking figures come on top of a separate study issued by the Campaign for Real Education which revealed that currently one in 10 five-year-olds are already refused their parents’ first choice of primary school.

    The most dramatic effect of this invasion is the long-term demographic implications of these figures.

    If 70 percent of all schoolchildren come from parents not born in Britain, it is clear that indigenous British people will be swamped within two generations.

    This is the true significance of these figures: if left unchecked and unreversed, immigration into Britain will plunge this nation into irreparable Third World status.

    Only the British National Party has the policy and plan to avert this disaster.

  328. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:36 pm Ed van Nearly Adair

    Bad sandwich idea: JA-vole (mine furrier)’s tiny little scrotum-marbles on salad, with both teaspoons of 1984RFR’s brain as garnish.

  329. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:39 pm 1984 returns for real

    We never had Islamic terrorism in this country before we invaded Iraq and Afghanistan,those that started those wars brought those dangers here.Afghanistan is a desolate dump not worth a single British life,and the only reason they won’t pull out the army is because it would be embarassing to the effect they’d have to admit they were wrong.Instead,they’ll continue to sacrifice the lives of our loved ones just to save face.If they were so concerned about preventing terrorism in this country they’d deport the thousands of dubious immigrants that stain our society,they present the biggest security threat I know of.Time for serious change,VOTE BNP.

  330. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:41 pm Donna

    So much for Cameron’s “change” mantra, he has now indicated he will follow on Blair’s foreign policy in the Middle East, he should be tried in the Hague with Blair and Brown for war crimes, any muslim who votes for Cameron knowing this, has just as much blood on their hands as the three British war criminals.

  331. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:42 pm Ed van Nearly Adair

    And speaking of stains…

  332. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:46 pm SnowRose

    ‘A BBC spokeswoman said: “The BBC is obliged to treat all political parties registered with the Electoral Commission and operating within the law with due impartiality.’

    Well, this has been a long time coming, but is very welcome! Our party is indeed mainstream now, and must be recognised as such. The ‘powers that be’ can no longer stick their heads in the sand and hope we will go away – we won’t!
    There will, of course, be a lot of hostility and aggression on Question Time, and our Chairman will certainly come under a lot of prejudiced fire, but he will be able to deal with that quite easily.

    This is a wonderful opportunity to put across the BNP’s true ideals and policies to the people of this country, and the image of our members as troublemaking thugs can be put to bed at last.
    Onwards and upwards!

  333. on 07 Sep 2009 at 9:47 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    I am impotent. Research by independent thinktank SkinToneWatch shows that this is down to being bullied as a child, and that one of the bullies had brown skin.

    If 99% of me does not have a job because my IQ is less than that of a dust, what will happen to the indigenous White population in 150 years?

    Only the British National Party can help me pass my pathetic failures onto someone else who in all probability is far more equipped for the rigours of life than me, limp and sorry as I am.

    Vote BNP.

  334. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:00 pm Mim

    I have a Magic Roundabout tin of pretty ribbons but mostly I lend them to my brother.

    MFH, I am with you on fast cars as long as they keep strictly to the speed limit so no kittens are hurt. And guinea pigs are obviously excellent, rabbits also although I do not have those.

    I like owls too. Does anyone else like owls? I think owls are really cute.

  335. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:05 pm Righty Rightwing

    The BNP got 1 million votes without in spite of the bias of the BBC and the ‘mainstream’ media. I don’t watch Question Time nor listen to Any Questions because it is the same gang of scoundrels – and a great and increasing number of people recognise this. Another point is that Margaret Thatcher stayed away from the TV debates when she ran for the leadership of the Conservative Party because she was aware that she was different politically and would simply appear as one of the ‘suits’ were she to be seen alongside the other candidates. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be seen on the BBC etc. but the time and choosing should be that of most benefit to us. Perhaps the BBC is aware that Question Time is stale so the BNP would enliven it i.e. the BBC uses the BNP for its own purposes?

  336. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:06 pm 1984 returns for real

    Seems to me that if the Beeb has taken this step it can only be a matter of time before the rest of the media follow suit. Some articles and editorials already published in the mainstream press have been very outspoken on issues high on the BNP’s agenda and the time cannot be far off before there is a general consensus that, unlike the spineless ‘mainstream’ parties which have conspicuously avoided dealing with them, we hold clear and unequivocal policies on matters of serious concern which enjoy widespread public support.

    This encouraging attitude on the part of the BBC, hopefully soon to be taken up by the rest of the media, is almost certainly a spin-off from the Party’s decision to relax its membership criteria. If this is handled sensitively it will be difficult to accuse the BNP of racism any more and in consequence the Party should expect to receive far more positive press coverage. With unbiased reporting from a media which is no longer institutionally hostile, we should have a chance to get our policies across to the electorate and at last give them a clear picture of who we are and what we stand for.

  337. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:11 pm Oedipus

    I like minge.

    And Mom’s Apple Pie.

    Or was that the other way round?

  338. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:13 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    Is it true that Nick Griffin has a Jewish grandfather, by the way? And that Margaret Thatcher had to undergoe gender testing before taking office?

    I heard it from a BBC friend of mine, but I don’t believe it myself.

  339. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:16 pm BNP supporter, but NOT racist

    I wonder if David Dickinson would be allowed into the BNP, I mean, he’s hardly white British is he?

  340. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:21 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    By the same token, I wonder whether the BNP would hate Garth Crooks or not. He’s GREEN.

    Oi! BNPers! Are green and bronze people stealing your jobs and flooding your children with rape, or not?

  341. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:23 pm philbert

    Bloody Hell, I go away for a few weeks and find SYB as turned into a refugee camp for banned HYS’ers. A ghetto where all the originals have left and the scum moved in.
    I am off before I get mugged.

    BYE!

  342. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:25 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @Mim – I have an adorable silver owl brooch that I got in a vintage shop in Amsterdam for only 6 euros. You’d love it.

    I wish I had some flowers. Some pretty, pretty flowers.

  343. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:26 pm Micheal Jackson RIP

    I changed my skin colour so I could infiltrate the BNP, but they found out, discredited with child abuse claims and killed me with drugs.

    Dangerous people.

  344. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:26 pm FFS SYB

    Whenever discussions get too wordy we should invoke the power of the ‘ANAL PLUG‘.

    By calling ‘ANAL PLUG’ at a boring commenter it declares they should cease all wordy and arsey activity.

  345. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:26 pm 1948 returns at last

    This autumn, ladies shall be wearing the latest fox fur in a multitude of colours and men shall be sporting the latest in wool and polyester under-garments.

    Until June we shall still be a nation of lovely white people, then after that the country shall go to the dogs or down the pan or whatever slang the teenagers of the future are using…what, daddy-o. But, not to worry ladies, friends of Sir Oswald Mosley shall come to our rescue.

    We also predict that, by 1999, people will be holidaying in Denmark and France and that exotic dishes, such as spam burgers, will be all the rage in homes made out of bri-nylon and cheese.

  346. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:28 pm Righty Rightwing

    It is too bad that Winston Churchill is not still alive, along with Enoch Powell. Both of those valient men would have understood the chord which resonates for the BNP in the heart of all true patriots. We stand at the threshold of national suicide and for what? So that misguided utopians could bring in aliens from other lands and gradually overwhelm everything that we hold to be good and true. In one stroke those fools have undone everthing that this proud people have fought and died for in the past 943 years.

  347. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:32 pm Furious right-wing pensioner from Mars

    I’m not having the BNP run my country! Bunch of French bankers!!!!

  348. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:36 pm Mad Max

    Look, let’s make a stand. Do not shop in foreign run shops, do not buy from foreign Take Away’s, do not eat at any Foreign eating Establishment. We are funding these invaders wages. I can promise you, hygiene in these establishments are zero. They hate us, so what do you think goes into your food? Ever craved for a Kabab? It is made up of Mechanically Recovered Meat or MRM. This is made from bones, guts and all the horrible bits of animals, then dyed to look like meat. It is then heated up, then is let go cold, then heated up again. This is a breeding ground for food poisoning bacteria. Do you ever see Muslims eating in these places? I have been involved in the food industry for a long time, right from rearing it, to cooking it. I know Environmental Health Officers, who could tell you horror stories on what they find in these places.

  349. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:37 pm UnderGrad

    Employ foreigners, or allow them to come over here and claim benefits when even our university graduates can’t find low paid work. Yet this government seems happy enough to try and cajole and force our sick and disabled into jobs, (I’m not talking about those who pretend to have a back injury and then work on a building site for cash in hand) but those with genuine physical or mental health issues. Something is seriously wrong with the government. I know people with mental health issues (I’m talking stress , depression, PTSD et) as a group most want to work, but there’s still a stigma. This government isn’t prepared to help our unemployed or ill heatlh sufferers find work that suits their abilities, I know when i enquired about a course at the jobcentre I was told more or less to &*%£ off

  350. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:38 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    I would rather vote for the Wibewal GayoTwats than munch on a Muslim’s kebab. Only the BNP can save me from either fate.

  351. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:39 pm FFS SYB

    @Mad Max

    ANAL PLUG!

  352. on 07 Sep 2009 at 10:45 pm Monty Python's hospital sargeant

    Yet this government seems happy enough to try and cajole and force our sick and disabled into jobs

    Yeah, but Gordon Brown is sick, disabled and mentally ill, and you don’t see him whining about it. No! That’s cos e’s a man! Not like you ‘orrible BNP girlies, with your “ooh, we hate the EU” one moment, and “we’re happy to take a seat in their parliament” the next.

  353. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:00 pm idiot Joy showland

    It is too bad that Winston Churchill is not still alive, along with Enoch Powell. Both of those valient men would have understood the chord which resonates for the BNP in the heart of all true patriots. We stand at the threshold of national suicide and for what? So that misguided utopians could bring in aliens from other lands and gradually overwhelm everything that we hold to be good and true. In one stroke those fools have undone everthing that this proud people have fought and died for in the past 943 years

    Fuck me, I never knew hyperbole could be so hilarious.

  354. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:02 pm tw@basket.com

    I have an idea which could be more fun than turning on the blah filter.

    What Nelson should do is put adverts on each and every page here with a clear statement under each one that all the ad revenue will go to causes that annoy HYSers. Liberty and Amnesty International might be a good start.

    It wouldn’t stop them pasting their drivel here but it would mean that the more they come here to post drivel the more money it would make for good causes and, as they hate good causes, they would eventually feel obliged to sod off.

    Plus the adverts would give us something else to take the piss out of when things get tedious.

    What do we think? Better than a bacon and Bakelite baguette?

  355. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:16 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    Can we have adverts for:

    -The Muslim Council of Great Britain
    -The Gay and Lesban Humanist Association
    -The Labour Party
    -Disabled People for Wheelie Bin Microchips
    -Benefits Claimaints Against David Cameron’s Poshness
    -Single Mothers For Knives

  356. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:19 pm FFS SYB

    @twatbasket

    I think all money raised from this site should go directly to the following:

    The Labour Party
    The Muslim Council of Britain
    IVF Clinics
    Greenpeace
    The Guardian
    Tony Blair

  357. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:20 pm FFS SYB

    @ ZaNuLieAidsBore

    Get out of my head!!!

  358. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:26 pm spungin imgrunt

    I just googled a random bit of one of the fuckwit posts above and – guess what – it’s a cut and paste from the BNP discussion board.

    It looks as though someone’s added a bit extra to tonight’s wanking routine.

    Can admin block IP addresses?

  359. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:40 pm 1984 returns for real

    The country is being flooded with hoards of moslems who preach hatred, remember the
    Glasgow airport bombers all doctors and muslims, and african gangs who like killing eachother.These types are also taking jobs that belong to the british natives.This stunningly appaling government with it’s vindictive attitude towards the indigenous peoples of this country should be ran out of office.They should all be arrested and put into prison for thier treachery.

  360. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:42 pm Mim

    Righty Rightwing, that was a comedy post yes? I like to know whether I’m laughing with people or at them. It seemed like deliberate humour to me and made me snigger childishly but I may just be being tragically naive.

    (Obviously I prefer not to know whether other people are laughing with or at me because it might make me sad.)

    Mad Max, I love your belief that brown people have a monopoly on awful food.

  361. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:46 pm That Bloke in the corner

    I think the floodgates have opened and we have been swamped by boneheaded BNP types. I am now worried-I wasn’t born here, says so on my BRITISH passport, but I am white, blue eyed and fair skinned (in a sexy Aryan way I might add), but if they find out, do I get deported or do I have to keep my foreigness a secret and live in an attic like Ann Frank?

    Bad Sandwich, wood filler and cream cheese-in a Panini of course, I do read the Gurinad afterall

  362. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:48 pm Apricot Split

    @Nelson,

    Are most of the “Party Political” and various Cut N’ Paste posts coming from the same IP address? If so, what is their mobile number?

    Bad Sandwich Idea: Coleslaw and Canesten.
    Bad Thrush Cure Idea: Coleslaw and Canesten.

  363. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:49 pm Apricot Split

    Ah shit, I see a spungin imgrunt got ‘ere before me taking my job ….

  364. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:50 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    Mim – I’m not racist but Brown skinned food is horrible.

    I have a very good friend with Brown skin in the kebab shop – Abdul I think he’s called – and we always have chirpy banter (bless him he doesn’t understand me most of the time!) but he can’t fry a fish to save his life.

  365. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:51 pm john adair

    Google BBC News front page and look at the Three “British men” caught attempting to blow up airliners, Abdulla Ahmed Ali, 28, Tanvir Hussain, 28, and Assad Sarwar, 29.
    Assad Sarwar, and they call ME ugly.

    Still, as long as the British public save all their wrath for the BNP party and allow scum like these to come over here, claim free housing, welfare and healthcare while plotting on blowing our wifes, children and in SYB’ers cases, boyfriends up all is well with the world.
    Why do SYB’ers and their Liberal Lefty counterparts use up all their anger in BNP types whilst not saying a word against foreign national scum who come here claiming everything, yet filled with hate for those that help them?
    If the tide does not turn soon, this country will end up a hellhole as bad as Afganistan, is that what you lot want?
    Answers @John Adair please.
    PS, loved the Is John Adair Utube clip.

  366. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:51 pm Paranoid Mandroid

    @ La Spesh

    ma’am?!? I’m not a ma’am! Are you saying I’m not oozing manliness?

    @ everyone

    All this BNP nonsense is seriously getting on my wick now. I’m guessing it’s the same tiresome troll who’s cutting and pasting all that crap here, and presumably Nelson will be able to tell if that is the case. If so, perhaps someone is due another 4.02am call…

  367. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:54 pm Mim

    Don’t worry, That Bloke, they’re probably fine with you coming over here and sleeping with our women as long as your progeny are Aryan.

    I still don’t know what happens to filthy half-breeds like me. How do they decide which half to send back? And how many generations does it take before returning someone to their brownest ancestral country becomes impractical? Do they use a colour chart to check?

  368. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:57 pm That Bloke in the corner

    So that misguided utopians could bring in aliens from other lands

    I understood that it was the Churchill Govt toward the end of the war in Europe who actively recruited immigration from the colonies to ‘take up the slack’ so to speak, whilst the bulk of the British work force were preparing to give the Japanese a right royal trousers down six of the best. Come on think about it, would you leave a Caribbean paradise to live in a Bedsit in Walsall? When will these little Englanders learn some history, and stop believing that pre 1950 governments were no different to the tossbags we have now-and don’t hold up St Nick of the Griffin as some saviour, he’s a career politician just like the rst of them-how long till we hear of his moat being cleaned out?
    Can we please have a new thread-kittens, ribbons , flowers?, anything that the fucking BNP cannot join in on.

  369. on 07 Sep 2009 at 11:58 pm ZaNuLieAidsBore

    I, too, have ‘mixed heritage’* and am intrigued what the BNP would make of it.

    (* for info – I’m half Muslim and half Immigrant)

  370. on 08 Sep 2009 at 12:04 am blah

    blah filter now plz

  371. on 08 Sep 2009 at 12:04 am ZaNuLieAidsBore

    “If the tide does not turn soon, this country will end up a hellhole as bad as Afganistan”

    Too right. If we don’t have a racist, ultra nationalist, violent misogynist government soon we will end up with a. Erm.

  372. on 08 Sep 2009 at 12:04 am That Bloke in the corner

    @john adair and his ilk
    fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off.
    Do you now get the message? Skulk on back to Hull, with your traceable Viking heritage and stay there. Nobody outside of the Kingston Telecom area is the remotely bit interested in your racist homophobic bleatings. Why don’t you spend your time in something productive such as tracing your family tree? I would piss myself if it turned out that your great great great great great Grandmother was actually a plantation slave from Bermuda.

  373. on 08 Sep 2009 at 12:07 am spungin imgrunt

    @John AdairHasAGapingBumHoleFromTheMassiveAnalDildo – Assad Sarwar, and they call ME ugly.

    Who calls you ugly John? I’m sure they didn’t mean it. I’ll give you a hug if that’s what you want. I could even slip in a little bum poke if you like? no one needs to know. Just a little cuddle…

  374. on 08 Sep 2009 at 12:09 am spungin imgrunt

    blah filter now plz

    Can we keep John Adair though please? He’s my fav. XXXXX

  375. on 08 Sep 2009 at 1:17 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @tw@basket – Oy! Am jealous that I, the glorious inventor of ‘twatbasket’, never thought of that :(

    @Mandroid – very manly indeed. The sheer blast of testosterone blinded me momentarily [looks round nervously, whistling].

    I can’t wait to see where the BNP would send me back to (my brother already lives abroad, the filthy immygrunt) – my Gran can trace her family back to the Domesday book, and if I go back as far as all my Great-Grandparents, everyone is British (mainly English, with a bit ‘o Welsh). BUT… go any further back and all bets are off: the family tree decides to go Spanish, French, Russian-Jewish and the intriguingly incongruous half black-half Japanese (I am a pale and vaguely French-looking midget*, in case you were wondering).

    Which just proves (as if I need to point it out) why the whole ‘Keep England for the English’ crap is preposterous bollocks: it’s utterly unworkable. We are the mongrels of the world and it’s THIS that makes us cool; ever watched Crufts? Only absolute mentals love an inbred, mutanty purebreed**.
    Oh, and the other things that proves it is that the BNP are thick, ignorant cunts who are WRONG.

    *Yes, yes, I’m wearing a string of onions around my neck. And a beret.
    **Scrappy-Doo not included, obviously ;)

  376. on 08 Sep 2009 at 1:23 am toothpaste and toilet duck sandwich

    remember the
    Glasgow airport bombers all doctors and muslims

    thanks to 1984RFR, the reason for MRSA deaths has now been discovered: muslim terrorist doctors.

  377. on 08 Sep 2009 at 1:47 am one of the eds

    @ dirigible

    And if you accept the concept of moral relativism then you are doing the same. While also trying to assert the odourlessness of your faeces.

    If you accept the concept of moral relativism you aren’t saying anyone is ‘wrong’ about anything, except moral absolutism.

    If you reject it, you are saying everyone who disagrees with any one of the many moral views you hold is wrong.

    I had a neat point about it being arrogant to assume that we had right and wrong all figured out, but Versus C kind of circumvented (if indeed that is the word I’m looking for,) that in his post.

    @ Versus Christus

    Ah, touche sir.

  378. on 08 Sep 2009 at 1:48 am one of the eds

    …Not going ‘aaah’, Peter?

  379. on 08 Sep 2009 at 3:52 am Chris

    That’d be over 100 posts of complete shit since I last posted, naively supposing that throwing shit wouldn’t entice shit throwing back. Now it’s just shit.

    I’m so so sorry for any part I’ve played in this.

    Please feel free to send my wife text messages at 4am. Remember, I’ve made it easier by living 11 hours ahead of you. And she’s not pregnant, and neither of us want her to be, but it’ll help with the atonement for my sins, I’ll sabotage a bunch of contraceptives to increase the likelihood of pregnancy.

    I’m that sorry… I’ll make sure it’s aborted anyway. But I’m pro-unborn child murder, so that’s a good thing.

  380. on 08 Sep 2009 at 5:47 am markie126

    Blimey I had a weekend away from SYB. Just come back and read this thread. It really is a car crash – seriously guys WTF happened?

    I spent 45 minutes reading this thread – that is 45 minutes of my life I will never get back.

    You collective bunch of rancid reptilian ring-pieces.

  381. on 08 Sep 2009 at 5:55 am TomTom

    I feel dead guilty too, though the BNP bullshit of the past 24 hours would have happened regardless of Flaming Saturday. My wife IS pregnant, but she never leaves her phone on overnight.

  382. on 08 Sep 2009 at 8:59 am My Foot Hurts.

    I googled the words “stunningly appaling government with it’s vindictive” from 1984 RFR’s commment (11.40pm on 7/9) and that painfully illiterate post also came from a BNP page: http://bnp.org.uk/2009/09/25-of-uk-graduates-unemployed-but-still-foreigners-stream-in/

    They genuinely don’t have an original thought in their heads, do they? It’s not enough that their opinions have to be spoon-fed to them by the tabloids, but they can’t even come up with original trolling material after they’ve been told what to think.

    @1984RFR et al* – you really are a sad, mindless bunch of twats. Quite pathetic.

    *including your various sockpuppets

  383. on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:08 am I have been away for a while....

    …anyway, what about that Stewart Lee joke, talk about controversial. I hope its on his DVD.

  384. on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:13 am Liberal Left And Proud

    SHUT UP

    and comon people for fucks sake lets stop talking about the fucking bnp, there not interesting and their not funny, this is a site for FUNNY things, not, john adiar, neil craig, ll&p and 1984 rfr just fuck of guys ok? your not funny and your definatly not who you say you are. You may read this and ignore it cuase you know it’s correct becuase if you hate this site so much WHY DO YOU POST HERE?

    IF no responce i take it that means your gonna leave.

    ………..

    Why the fuck are you including me in this? I’m as bored with the fuckwits as the rest of you and I really like this site.

  385. on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:14 am ....so have I

    yes he is rather funny, I used to like it when he was with that Richard Herring bloke, ‘see what you have done there Richard is…’

  386. on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:24 am john Adair's Gerbil

    Bad sandwich idea: Dill pickle and Durex.

    Possible intersting home made sex toy. Dill pickle and Durex.

    On the bright side, if the BNP ever get in and start sending all the descendants of furriers home, at least the Roayl Familiy will be first on the boat.

  387. on 08 Sep 2009 at 9:57 am markie126

    Fucking brilliant

  388. on 08 Sep 2009 at 10:52 am Serotonin

    Topsy Turveys copy paste of this probably made up statistic from some pro BNP site:

    “According to the estimates, some 96,000 extra places will be needed in the coming years, with nearly 70 percent of that number going to children of parents born outside the UK.”

    is filtered through the used pair of tights filled with dog shit and chewed up articles from the Sun that passes for his brain and becomes-

    “If 70 percent of all schoolchildren come from parents not born in Britain, it is clear that indigenous British people will be swamped within two generations.”

    You utter utter turgid twisted turtles twat. I cannot find the clever and witty words to express how utterly without merit you are. I hope you choke to death on your own bile.

  389. on 08 Sep 2009 at 11:28 am Blah Filter for people too scared of the TRUTH

    The Blah filter for people too scared of the hard facts of life.