spEak You're bRanes

Delusions of Grandeur and Racists05 Oct 2009 12:47 pm

By Nelson

I’m back from my holiday and feeling all refreshed and good about shit. Going to stop taking the piss out of people and try and find positive answers to their questions. This is a whole new beginning.

Will televised debates affect the election?

I live in France and have a postal vote. I won’t be able to watch the political debates because UK channels can’t be received outside the UK and I am unable to watch iPlayer on an overseas computer. There are a lot of voters like me and we will make an uninformed decision. My vote will be based on my reasons for leaving the UK (I feel less foreign in France than in the UK) and the fact that my pension incurs less income tax in France than it did in the UK. Will the parties ignore ex-pats?
[Diana_P], France

Yes!

72 Responses to “Positivity”

on 05 Oct 2009 at 1:03 pm blah

blah?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 1:06 pm A Very Public Sociologist

You’ve got to love the likes of Diana. If they love Britain so much why don’t they live here?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 1:08 pm To avoid excessive immigration. there is only one answer Emigrate. At least the Frogs are white.

Moving to France
on 05 Oct 2009 at 1:51 pm I think So

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on 05 Oct 2009 at 2:17 pm "There are a lot of voters like me and we will make an uninformed decision."

If she’s too dumb to get BBC radio on the internets, I hope the post office lose her vote.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 2:45 pm bedwetting liberal

I’m off to Provence next week on what I thought would be a “foreign” holiday. Should I go to Skeggie instead?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 2:50 pm That Bloke in the Corner

Yay no Blah.
I think Diana P is just trying to be a smug bastard. Mind you didn’t Diana P die in a tunnel in France gawd bless her.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 3:16 pm There is no blah.

Or is there?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 3:27 pm That Bloke in the Corner

There are a lot of voters like me and we will make an uninformed decision.

Plenty in this country will do as well
on 05 Oct 2009 at 4:30 pm Oaf

Will the parties ignore ex-pats?

I hope so if they are all like you.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 5:05 pm Yossarian

Surely the answer would be to deny postal votes to ex pats. We wouldn’t want them to accidently vote for the wrong party would we.

Thinking about it – the BNP aren’t taking part in the televised debates, so what’s her problem?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 5:50 pm Rube

I suspect Diana P, feels foreign wherever she goes. Due to the massive flaccid penis and hairy balls, swinging from the middle of her forehead.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 5:55 pm john Adair's Gerbil

There’s probably a web site called “ayez votre parole” where the French bemoan all these foreigners coming across here and living on state handouts.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 6:59 pm Sam

Why the hell do people like her get a vote if they don’t even live here?
on 05 Oct 2009 at 7:42 pm Pierre, Francais, (pas l'Europe)

c’est une absolu HONTE!

Diana P est une clown! Vraiment!
on 05 Oct 2009 at 8:01 pm miguel

YOU DISABLED THE BLAH FILTER. LOVE PEACE AND HOPE ALL AROUND.; (:
on 05 Oct 2009 at 8:33 pm Rotwatcher

I’ve watched the BBC in France – it’s available on the Freeview satellite thingy. Is Diana_P too mean to spring for a digi-box? Surely such a lowly level of commitment to the political process should result in her being disenfranchised – well, that and being a fox’s fadge.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 8:40 pm john Adair's Gerbil

Diana wants a vote and she doesn’t even pay tax in this country. She contributes in no way whatsoever to the economic cycle in Britain, and she’s complaining that the British TV companies aren’t willing to set up shop in a foreign country to save her paying in Euros for a day late copy of the Daily Mail.

Even the hordes of swarthy forriners invading the UK buy stuff in the shops, yet she’s fucked off out of the UK to annoy the French with her demands that they SPEAK ENGLISH, HONESTLY, IT’S NOT THAT HARD in the local bistro. So, win-win all round there.

Had she more brain than a brick, it would explode with the hypocrisy.

Oh, and Diana? That delicious pate? It’s horse…
on 05 Oct 2009 at 9:18 pm Loztralia

It’s no wonder the French fucking hate us if they’ve got cunts like that to base their opinions on.

Incidentally, I’m also an emigrant. Britain’s gone down the tubes – swarming with bloody Mail readers.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 10:23 pm That Bloke in the corner

UK channels can’t be received outside the UK and I am unable to watch iPlayer on an overseas computer

Too fucking right,pay the licence fee and we will let you watch,but as you choose to live in froggy land you will have to put up with RTF
on 05 Oct 2009 at 10:38 pm sandbag

Ah, she must have been responsible for casting Patrick Stewart As Captain Piccard in Star Trek.
on 05 Oct 2009 at 11:02 pm New Zealander

hi guyz

guess what we get on lunch time tv here in New Zealand: The Jeremy Kyle Show.

I used to think all you english folk were like coronation street characters. But now I know. Now I watch the Jeremy Kyle show just to see how hideously ugly you english people really are.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 12:07 am Loztralia

Hey New Zealander,

And I’ve seen “Police Ten-Seven” so I realise that all your country people are wife beating drunkards with subnormal intelligence. Cheers!
on 06 Oct 2009 at 3:35 am Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

Diana_P, in no particular order you are a:
Necrophiliac Narwhal’s nematode nested nadsack,
Receiving Retriever’s ragged ring-piece, and a
Paedophiliac Porcupine’s pus pouring piss pipe.
Feels good to get that off my chest.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 8:46 am Rod Wrongnob

@Sir Alf:
You don’t care at all about Diana P, do you? You had all these alliterative animal phrases that you’d accumulated while the blah filter was on and you just couldn’t bear to keep them in any longer.

Still, you’re not wrong.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 9:22 am Chris

NZer, don’t you know that there’s a whole fucking channel of poms on Sky? It’s like watching the Whine Olympics.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 9:45 am OH THE HORROR

The latest post here has no blah filter.

It also has no comments.

The horror…
on 06 Oct 2009 at 10:05 am NO!

Comments are closed, because YOU CAN’T BE TRUSTED WITH THEM AND THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!
on 06 Oct 2009 at 10:48 am funny peculiar

HYS asks: “Where would you most like to live?” and Muppet Central accidently creates the perfect “Have Your Say Mission Statement”

We live in hideous, depressing times, regardless of the country.

I would rather step into a Tardis, and be transported back to Britain in the 1950′s, where I could live a simple life, a life free from mobile phones, chavs, tyrannical governments, and have a few drinks without having to first sell my car.

Muppet Central, GBResideInPieces, EUSSR

Polio was great, wasn’t it? *nostalgic sigh*
on 06 Oct 2009 at 11:36 am Yossarian

What about the threat of nuclear war and the possible destruction of all mankind.

Those were the days!
on 06 Oct 2009 at 11:36 am Chris

I lose all sympathy for people and their points of view when they start creating hilarious portmanteaus and neologisms for comic effect, or more likely with that twat, to signify just how fucking oppressed you are. It just makes me want to kick them in the face until they’re convinced they’re living in the 1950s. Then everyone’s happy. I’ve kicked a moron senseless, they think they’re in some kind of fucking utopia and they can end up on Porton Down shotgunning mustard gas for shits and giggles.

Magic. It’s my version of utopia, and fuck off if you don’t like it.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 12:57 pm pigfrottage

In the 1950s, Everyone had rewarding jobs that they loved and conditions were great. Everyone was at least PHD standard at everything when they left school, and had respect for their elders.

The kids nowadays are just thick and taught wrong. in my day they were caned first and then taught (sigh…)

[Must take off these rose tinted specs, I'm getting all nostalgic.]

Bit of indulgence there – sorry. I hate people who look back at the past and forget the crap bits.

On a positive note, however, Neil C seems to have sodded off.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 1:15 pm Glasgey

First time i saw the vineyards of Lyon I thought ‘aint it just like Scarborough’.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 1:27 pm Rod Wrongnob

Pretty much every single comment in the tube map thread is a gem.

CRANKY. IT MAKES YOU CRANKY.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 1:40 pm Kelvin

Oh, whoops. I wrote that post while the blah filter was still on and I thought I’d rather have comments turned off. By the way, did you know that about 95% of all the blah’d comments that were either pro-BNP or weak strawman anti-BNP all came from the same person?
on 06 Oct 2009 at 1:47 pm millie munro

did you know that about 95% of all the blah’d comments that were either pro-BNP or weak strawman anti-BNP all came from the same person?

Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Could there not be a blah filter just for that one particular twat?

@tube map thread
Here’s my gem: the first step is removing the Thames. The next is being less anal about it – this is how it should look…
on 06 Oct 2009 at 2:00 pm My Foot Hurts.

My modern history may be a bit hazy, but weren’t we in the midst of a severe depression in the 1950s?

No, what you want is to go back to the 1920s when NOBODY was poor* and everyone had butlers and drove shiny green motor cars. Oh, and hats. And only used surnames.

Now that’s more like it.

Wore hats, I mean, not drove them.

* nobody important, anyway.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 2:45 pm Blah De Blah-Blah

Hmmm, let me think…

The 50s… Brylcream, rations, Blackpool, Tommy Steele, the coronation, hula hoops, itchy jumpers and sexually repressed women.

Nowadays… Global travel, disposable income, social mobility, computers, E, decent food and girls who give great blowjobs.

That’s a really really tough one.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 3:03 pm Nelson

Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Could there not be a blah filter just for that one particular twat?

Could do ar. I’d have to force registration first though really. And then have a look at some WordPress code. Which is a little bit like trying to make a sandwich using Harriet Harman’s pubes.

Should have said about the BNP stuff. Only occurred to me afterwards that it probably looked to all of you like the BNP actually devoted resources to posting rubbish on SYB. But no, it was all just one very bored and boring individual (John Adair).
on 06 Oct 2009 at 3:21 pm funny peculiar

Nelson? A message for you…

I would rather live in the Great Britain of the late 50′s, early 60′s before politicians ruined it with political correctness, uncontrolled immigration causing a multicultural nightmare that now exists with”homegrown” terrorists who hate us and want us dead, a bigger rich poor divide than in the middle ages and a place where you even get kicked off websites for defending legal political partys. You know who I mean Nelson.
john Adair, Speakyourbranes exile
on 06 Oct 2009 at 3:35 pm john Adair's Gerbil

Ah, the late 50′s and early 60′s.

We didn’t have all these namby-pamby homegrown terrorists, we had the Entire Fucking Soviet Union.

FACT.

Another FACT, john – you weren’t kicked off SYB – you were laughed off.

If I’m right.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 4:10 pm Kelvin

<blockquote.Another FACT, john – you weren’t kicked off SYB – you were laughed off.

Actually it was neither – he flooded the site with so many comments that now it just assumes whatever he posts is spam.

Or, if you’re Neil Craig, it means we’re lying censoring Serb-murdering liars.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 4:18 pm john Adair's Gerbil

I did say “If I’m right.”
on 06 Oct 2009 at 4:39 pm Yossarian

Poor John, pushed back into the arms of HYS where he will languish forever in angry anonymity.

I want to give the racist cunt a big cuddle and let him know everything is alright.

Bless.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 4:40 pm millie

Which is a little bit like trying to make a sandwich using Harriet Harman’s pubes.

Made with the aid of a crochet hook perhaps? Can’t see knitting needles being much use.

And hey presto, you’d have a bad sandwich idea cuddly toy!
on 06 Oct 2009 at 5:09 pm Liberal Left And Proud

Kelvin

<blockquote.Another FACT, john – you weren’t kicked off SYB – you were laughed off.

Actually it was neither – he flooded the site with so many comments that now it just assumes whatever he posts is spam.

Or, if you’re Neil Craig, it means we’re lying censoring Serb-murdering liars.

….

Gay, stupid, lying censoring Serb-murdering liars, actually. His website is hysterical.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 5:30 pm Nelson

Nah, I did, half-heartedly, kick him off. Or rather, redirect all his requests to the BNP site instead.

I was saving him from himself. Looking through the comments, he was posting 15 in a row, just talking to himself, using the authorname cos the actual comments were blahed out. What the fuck. Poor fella has a bit of a problem
on 06 Oct 2009 at 5:48 pm TheViolentMajority

(emerges bleary eyed from under bed)

Is it safe to come out then? Have the stupids left?
on 06 Oct 2009 at 5:52 pm Mr Murdoch, I could almost tongue your rusty sheriff’s badge.

Make me an offer, Bosanquet.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 5:53 pm He's Spartacus

No.

They’re still here.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 6:02 pm miguel

while the man may have left, he leaves behind a legacy of stupid non sencical racism that would make hitler proud. congratulations nelson. I thought that there were billions of racists, turns out where just not that popular ): looking back now, he actually wrote massive essays even though the filter was on. lol
on 06 Oct 2009 at 6:42 pm That Bloke in the corner

@Nelson, as you are all knowing and obviously control the interwebs for the stasibbc, could you not publish twat adairs number and we can all text him at 4.20am? I would say we text his pregnant wife, but as we all know his only female company is madam palm and her 5 lovely daughters.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 6:54 pm funny peculiar

I imagine Adair standing outside in the deep snow, in only his BNP T-shirt and boxers, with his nose pressed against the warm, well-lit windows of SYB, pathetically tapping on the glass saying, “Please Nelson, it’s freezing out here, let me in.”

He’s there now, gazing forlornly through the cyber-window at the posts.

Hi John! You tragic, emotional cripple! Back to HYS for you, dickhead.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 7:13 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Made with the aid of a crochet hook perhaps?

Been performing those illegal abortions again, Millie? Perhaps when the collective stupidity and bile of HYS and its ilk timefuck us all back to the 50s, you could pop round a certain Mrs Adair’s and sort her out free of charge… ?

PS Don’t think I’ve forgotten that some puny cunt used the blah filter to slag me off. Arsehole.
PPS Huzzah! Comments are back! My life can begin again!
on 06 Oct 2009 at 9:10 pm Clovis Sangrail

I’m glad it was just John and not streams of racists from other sites. In fact it almost makes me sorry for him – sad, lonely little BNP man. Unlike me of course – I’m not a BNP supporter.
on 06 Oct 2009 at 11:13 pm miguel

wassabi ppl. he lives in hull:

“My father was sunk twice, once on HMS Trinidad on the Russian convoys. He lost two brothers, one in the Atlantic and one at Dunkirk.
If they could see the way the country is being run now, I bet they wish they had never bothered.”
john Adair, Speakyourbranes Hull

mmmhhhmmm. if they could see their son and nephew voting for a holocuast denyier then they would never have fought the nazi’s? nice and logical there.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 12:19 am Chris

Kelvin

Or, if you’re Neil Craig, it means we’re lying censoring Serb-murdering liars.

And in possession of the world’s first self-aware computer. Please don’t forget that one, because if you do then Neil doesn’t have those fantasies where he’s Sarah Connor and he doesn’t have to have a penis.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 4:19 am one of the eds

I would rather live in the Great Britain of the late 50’s, early 60’s before politicians ruined it with … a place where you even get kicked off websites for defending legal political partys.

I hate to agree with him, but he’s right; websites were a lot less exclusive back in the 50s.

Nostalgia just aint what it used to be. Boom boom. Coat. Door.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 8:38 am nurse millie

I’m nostalgic for those halcyon days when Christians and other undesirables were fed to hungry lions.

@La Spesh
Bless. Such innocence. It’s knitting needles for terminations, not crochet hooks.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 8:56 am Liberal Left And Proud

I think he may have topped himself. He hasn’t spurted on BYB lately either. Unless it’s just that he’s been banned from the library for exposing himself after getting too excited whilst cutting and pasting.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 9:25 am shhhh millie

*sotto voce*
It almost seems like some people here want the elephant in the room to make a re-appearance.

Then we can look forward to the return of the fun blah filter. Yay.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 10:13 am Liberal Left And Proud

It’s OK, you have to say his name three times to make him appear.
on 07 Oct 2009 at 10:26 am Chris

Neil Craig Neil Craig Neil Craig!
on 07 Oct 2009 at 11:31 am [millie]

[Lucky LL&P never mentioned the heel-clicking, eh?]
on 07 Oct 2009 at 2:41 pm Ed aka Notanymore Craig

The sun… it’s shining…
on 07 Oct 2009 at 2:56 pm millie

Only on tinternet tho
on 07 Oct 2009 at 8:12 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Nurse Millie – no wonder I’ve been forced to give so many refunds!
on 08 Oct 2009 at 1:17 am Chris

He’ll be back.

I noticed during the blahout that Mr Craig had helpfully indexed all his shit into one helpful index of shit.

So he’ll be back. He’s still searching for that audience.
on 08 Oct 2009 at 7:08 am Curtain twitcher

Diana_P, you can use a VPN to watch TV on the BBC iPlayer, it’s cheaper than the UK licence fee, which you don’t pay.

Thankfully there are no seats reserved for expats in the British Parliament, the way there are in the Italian one. Otherwise we’d have the honourable member for the Costa Blanca (BNP) complaining about Britain being full of foreigners, or the honourable member for the Dordogne (UKIP) complaining about Britain being run by them!

Kiwis accusing English people of being ugly. Pot, kettle, black. What do you call a pretty girl in New Zealand? A tourist.

Chris, the fact that TVNZ imports so many British TV programmes, and there’s a market for the UKTV channel shows how New Zealand still has an inferiority complex about the UK.
on 08 Oct 2009 at 10:29 am Chris

Curtain twitcher, you’re so funny I developed an anal polyp halfway through your first sentence.

I suppose if you want to talk to Diana_P, then you should go to HYS, or you end up sounding like a HYSer who starts a sentence with “DEAR THE QUEEN, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO TAKE SWIFT ACTION AGAINST THE BANKERS OF THE ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND, BECAUSE IT’S ROYAL AND YOU READ HYS ALSO”. Then you’ll be awaiting a reply from Lord Chief Admiral Bumservant, or whoever responds on behalf of people who have nothing to do with the UK yet would still like to be addressed.

Who is that, by the way? Because there’s a bunch of expats over here who want to know who’s responsible for listening to us carrying on the British way and whining about the state of the UK like we’ve just had our cats raped by John Adair and we’re not 12,000 miles away.
on 09 Oct 2009 at 12:19 am Pirate Pete

Ah, the 1950s, when the likes of me and my crew had to keep our sexual preferences secret because if anyone found out we’d be jailed or chemically castrated. Yes, lets have the 1950s back again…
on 09 Oct 2009 at 8:30 am Curtain twitcher

[quote]Curtain twitcher, you’re so funny I developed an anal polyp halfway through your first sentence.[/quote]

Yeah, it’s the way I tell ‘em. ‘Use a VPN’? – classic. Sorry, I should have used the third person, rather than refer to Diana_P as ‘you’.

"If you love North Korea so much..
why don't you go live there?"

72 Responses to “Positivity”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love North Korea so much.. why don't you go live there?"

72 Responses to “Positivity”

About

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"If you love North Korea so much..
why don't you go live there?"