I proudly present “Gainsbourg”, our newest SYB author. Hopefully he’ll inject a bit of life into this place and stop me wanting to stab myself in the eye. Either that or he’ll get bored and fuck off, leaving Alex and me alone once again, trudging our bleary way through this blizzard of terrifying wank.
- Nelson
Thanks to Sheldon The Mighty for bringing to our attention this twathammer, who breathed the following, almost unbearably poignant sigh of soft, furry humanity after reading about the death of a 19-year-old man at a freshers’ event.
Is there anyone left in this country who knuckles down to hard work,graft and toil rather than this Sodom and Gomorrah attitude towards everything?
Nobody wishes to be a killjoy but surely social events and celebrations should be at the end of an academic year not at the beginning?
Who is it who runs these establishments? Don’t they have tutorials and curriculae and deadlines anymore? What has happened to competition?No wonder we are the laughing stock of the world and all and sundry are queueing up to get into the country.How can a a student possibly have the spare cash for a drunken orgy? It’s all this lending which creates a louche atmosphere. I even overheard a student recently saying he was going to swap courses because the gown and hood on the other course was better.
In my day you never discussed whether you would get a degree and nobody ever talked about a graduation ceremony. You were just grateful to be there and worried sick about staying the course.
james allen, manchester england
Aye, your day, when a university student had neither the time nor resources to indulge in anything beyond dehumanising toil and sleep. When, robed in sackcloths, he lived his life in terrified silence, never looking his fellow students in the eye, never dwelling for a moment on his privilege, lest it all slip through his desperate, clutching fingers, like a rope made of farts. Upon graduation, he would emerge, blinking, from his first few gloomy years of adulthood, a dead-eyed, unfeeling automaton.
University of Glasgow, class of 1752, yeah?
47 Responses to “The Protestant Work Ethic”
How can both Britain be the laughing stock of the world and all and sundry be queueing up to get into the country?
Anyway, I even overheard a bogus asylum seeker recently saying he was going to swap countries because the pitiful hovels and shitty jobs were better.
You couldn’t make it up! Although I just did.
‘I even overheard a student…’ what a load of wank, I can imagine him lying awake at night, grinding his teeth imagining things “.. I bet they even swap courses if the gowns are better on a different course. Why, the debt ridden malingerers. I’m going to tell on them about that too..”
“Curriculae”? Someone seems to have been pissed during their latin lessons.
So, according to James The Graduate, some poor kid who has a heart attack at his fresher’s ball proves Britain is a lazy, third world country bereft of standards due to immigration and easy credit.
I think James probably dropped the Critical Thinking module in Year Two in favour of An Introduction to Blinkered Splenetic Ranting with Professor Hitchens.
Not only is James Allen a heartless, thick, ignorant, lying piece of shit, he’s also a plagiarising piece of shit. There was some guff a few days ago in one of the rags – Dail Heil, I believe – about a girl who swapped her course because she found out the graduation gowns for the new course had a pink lining. Despite it being complete bollocks (the journo – if they can be called that – said that they had ‘overheard’ the remark and anyway, who finds out what your cap and gown are going to be like before the day?), it’s now entered the ‘problem with young people today’ section right-wing bandwagon-jumper’s Canon of Proving The Country Is Going To Hell In A Hand Cart, and we can expect this made-up pile of horseshit to be wheeled out every September/October as an opener to rant about students as surely as the whole ‘Winterval’ chest nut is used without fail every bloody December.
Not funny, but helpful. I wore bright yellow sandals at my first graduation. It seemed a good idea in the 90s.
That should be ‘section of the’. Fucksocks.
Hey, that kid died at Koko, and Mr Scruff is on at Koko on the 24th.
Is that coincidence I got that email? No, liberal fucking conspiracy again.
Jeez… Gainsborough’s definitely no oil painting, but his/her portrait of bygone student days made me chortle heartily…
Top quality.
I think it’s fairly impressive how in 1752 they had deadlines before the course actually started.
Damn liberals and their orgies.
Hey, have the Nazis gone? Good to see we’re de-blahed, hope the site survives – I seriously thought it was dead.
hmm yes this “sodom and gomorrah” concept is pretty damn new !
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=history+of+drunken+behaviour+at+cambridge+university&hl=en&sa=G&tbs=tl:1&tbo=u&ei=ZH_MSt74HdDW-QaV8ozpBA&oi=timeline_result&ct=title&resnum=11
WHY WAS I NOT CONSULTED BEFORE THESE SO CALLED’ ‘YOONEEYVERSITIES’ PLANNED THEIR SOCIAL CALENDER?
‘YOONEEYVERSITIES’?
Looneeyversities, more like.
If I’m right.
No, wait. I just checked. I’m not.
@vodkadrinker
Pretty dull between 1473 and 1885!
mmm, so if I lend my neighbour a cup os sugar,am I creating a louche atmos?
Ban all lending of anything,no more louching.
The original article reports how the poor boy was suffering heart palputations before he even went to the nightclub, while having lunch with his parents.
Mr Allen presumably feels one should not use ones heart until the school bell rings to mark the start of class. Certainly there is no evidence of Mr Allen using his heart in the above posting.
Having now read the article I discover,
Reading more, there appears to be no suggestion that this lad was a typical binge drinking layabout student,apart from the Heils suggestion that drink was in his general vacinity. So as per usual the Daily Heil is whipping the olides up to a frenzy and will no doubt start an online petition to have all drinking,parties and fun banned until one reaches the age of 56. Once this age has been attained you shall be allowed a weekly small sweet sherry at the vicarage of a Friday (Of course it will be a male vicar and CofE,none of these paedo Catholic charlatans.
Actually loved that he obviously didn’t get to the end of that article – Koko’s had an all-you-can-drink for £15 offer on that night.
Can I point out something to you, james?
Any sentence that starts with a proposition and then follows it with “, but…” is being asserted by a possum’s paltry penis.
Why oh why is everyone ignoring the real big issue? Apparently the commies who work at the BBC would happily shag five-year-olds to preserve the licence fee.
Well, Biased BBC thinks so. But then they also think that people volunteer to sniff Gordon Brown’s underpants.
Apparently James pays for his orgies, like any honest, hard working Brit!
I did, actually – at my uni, those reading my subject (and BSc’ers) traditionally wear palatinate-lined hoods at graduation. Honestly – three years’ hard graft and I had to wear pink* when I took my degree.
Anyway, I took my degree before all these new-fangled loans and stuff, but from the sound of it, freshers’ week is no different to what it was in my day, and imao is VITAL to a healthy university life – most freshers are young, away from home for the first time, don’t know anybody, and are frankly scared shitless.
Getting pissed and shagging anything that moves is a great way to break the ice.
Maybe James Allen was worried sick about staying the course because he simply wasn’t clever enough to be there? Or perhaps because he uses words like ‘curriculae’ instead of ‘curricula’ so his tutors thought him an annoying prat?
* they say it’s purple, but I know pink when I see it.
Millie the Pink – If i recall correctly James Allen was dean of Cambridge University between 1473 and 1885
That explains how he got to be so wise.
My son has always been a bit peculiar. His favourite pastime was wanking, he would also openly question his self worth with total strangers. We got him a broadband subscription for his birthday and he’s just so much happier now..
@Mrs Allen
Funny peculiar?
Bet you think that everynight James when you get in bed with Mrs Allen
Bah! I thought we’d heard the last of James Allen.
What is peculiar about that?
James, old sock, you forgot to mention the daily diet of clay and deadly nightshade c
gruel, the floggings and the two hours a day on the treadmill.
Those were the days, eh?
I wonder what your take is on the Bullingdon Club.
Wow James Allen you formed such a succinct argument. Must be great being a sociopath. Cunt.
P.S. Your mum!
marginally preferable to sniffing Gordon’s brown underpants, I suppose.
Indeed. Sniffing Gordon Brown’s brown underpants is precisely what they have in mind. Along with ramming red hot pokers down people’s throats.
Who is it who runs these establishments? Don’t they have tutorials and curriculae and deadlines anymore? What has happened to competition?No wonder we are the laughing stock of the world and all and sundry are queueing up to get into the country.How can a student possibly have the spare cash for a pair of lesbian immigrant sandals?
Wow, this is really gearing me up for university life. I can’t wait to have a pair of lesbian immigrant sandals of my very own…
I saw Bit Spesh’s post and read “yellow immigrants wearing sandals” – anyway I thought lesbians invariably wore big bovver boots?
That being said, I do wonder whether these HYSers foaming at the mouth at other people’s enjoyment would benefit from regular sex and booze and, as a consequence, might keep their thoughts to themselves. Probably if, of course, I’m right.
I’m not a bloody lesbian. My incredible fashion sense is clearly lost on you naff bastards.
It’s OK, Spesh, you don’t have to hide your true self: we accept you as you are *hugs*
Arf.
And the Nobel Prize for Inappropriate Caveats When Someone Has Died goes to:
Try that again and I’ll throttle you with my dungaree straps.
I hate to sound like I belong on HYS (and I like students, I really do), but the spelling and grammar on the following (from the student loans thread) almost made me fetch up my lunch:
To be fair to the guy, maybe he was just seriously hungover. Yeah, that’ll be it.
No, he’s just a really desperate student. I mean, that cunt can’t even fucking spell. I’d be desperate to be a student if my spelling looked like it came from a dictionary written by a Samuel Johnson who was being constantly raped throughout the manuscript state.
This is my favourite comment on that article:
I can’t believe there are still people who read ‘Leave your comments below’ and interpret it as an instruction.
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