Delusions of Grandeur and Retired Colonels08 Oct 2009 09:12 am
By Nelson
Thanks to Glenn who points out that this one “works really well if you read it in the style of Saruman just before he duffs Gandalf up”.
Eire – how sad! It’s hopeless – having sold its sovereignty for a few pieces of silver.
And the UK? How is it a former great nation is allowing itself to be subsumed and has lost the will to stand alone and yet take a lead and be distinctive? Of course, a kingdom divided against itself (by “Devolution”) is ruined! And its laws, Mr Megrahi, are in tatters.
In the “plurality” of Europe there is no “common sense” – no sense held in common! It will take a millennium to come to an accommodation.
[incandescere], Barnsley, United Kingdom
48 Responses to “Orthwank”
Easy. Just make a bunch of rings, give them to various leaders and make another one to rule them all. Tsk. No imagination.
*sigh* non-native speakers and their mangled English. Incandescere… “It will take a long time to find our hotel.” and accommadation is a non-count-noun remember, we did it last lesson?
Why’s he addressing his tirade to Mr. Megrahi?
That reads like E.E. Cummings with PTSD.
And then Gandalf rose from his shackles and bummed his face off.
THE END
I find it’s better if you read it in the voice of Disney’s version of Eeyore.
I think it’s better if you scoop out your eyeballs with your fingers before you read it.
NONE SHALL PASS
(well aside from the em-er-grants obviously)
@Chris, ain’t that a bit Pan’s Labyrinth?
I don’t know, I’ve never bought cookware.
As he’s in Barnsley, I say Brian Glover, as that bloke in the pub in American Werewolf In London.
Down periscope! Tin hats on! Crash Postions! There’s a poetry thread on HYS. Moon, June, Spoon, Broon… DUCK and COVER! This is not a drill!
Oh my sweet suffering fuck. People have actually been kneecapped for less over here.
I see your taxedintotheground by brown, and raise you a Jim Corrigan!
Touchingly sad. Poetry sucks…
The worst words in a stupid order to keep to an artificial metre.
I can just see Jim Corrigan sitting at a laptop with a worn-out F5 key, hopeful little face and shoulders drooping sadly every time the page reloads. I can actually see him now. I’m looking through his window
…
If you can put down others, before they can put down you.
And tell the cunt, “fuck off, you twat!”, while you’re about it too.
…
As Mr Megrahi’s lawyer I think that the legal system is fine as it is and my Client is over the moon. Keep it up UK
Isn’t Mr Megrahi the bloke who did Darkplace, I really don’t get what he has to do with the law in this country, I don’t even think he is a real person.
I thought he was the trainer of the karate kid.
Wax on…wax off…wax on etc…
At least Barnsley beat Ipswich last Saturday!
I take it there has never been anybody on the “yes we really need to get the Eurocrats to make all our laws & 2 referendums, or none, are so much more democratic than 1″ side it would be possible for Branes to make fun of.
Blah blah blahty Craig blah blah blah wankety blah. Blah Comic Book Guy Blah arse bum blahty.
I’m sorry Neil, but I don’t speak rural Serbo-Croat. You ought to post in comprehensible English, if you have a question. Look at Manly J. Panda’s post for example, it makes much more sense than yours.
I’ve done a pro-EU version of incandescere’s pompous horseshit especially for Neil:
Maybe he will see the funny side?
Can I suggest substituting incandescere with exstinguere?
And if that doesn’t work, we can flog all them rings to that scary bloke in the Postal Gold advert. He’ll give you good money for all your unwanted gold, honest he will, Gov. I made £346 from some old necklaces I no longer wear. If you’re not totally happy with your quote, your gold will be returned to you. It’s as easy as THAT!
Ahoy there mateys
I think incandescere should be made to go on a creative course, because frankly his post is bollox and makes absolutely no sense. Mind you, you’d spout incomprehensible drivel on HYS if you had to live in Barnsley – it’s a f****ng sh*thole
So, a man who “models his life” on Kipling’s ‘If’ decides that ‘UpYours’ is a Kiplingesque name to use on HYS (or Spew your Bile as it might be better termed).
He’s clearly a Genet’s Genitive Organs.
In this case, genitive does not refer to what you think it refers to…
…but I agree, in principle. He’s a civet’s cervix.
@YeGods, if we call it Spew Your Bile, then the it will become SYB,which is here, but then thinking about the recent bout of BNP crap that has been flying around, maybe you are right,If I am right?
Is bad language frowned upon here then?
A pirate wot minds his P’s & Q’s. Sweet.
Nicely done Bedwetting, David miliband couldn’t have put it better.
Ulysses S Drivel is a concise and imsightful HYS poster; or at least he would be if he didn’t have the retention of a goldfish and keep getting these FUCKING MOOD SWINGS!!! Here are two of his posts, written 81 minutes apart.
.
Thanks for that. Now I can picture Ulysses S Drivel ranting away whilst dancing to the bleep of a pelican crossing.
Thanks for that. Now all I can picture is Ravy Davey Gravy.
I sent a frozen turd to postal gold, they sent me back a cheque for £18.24, it really was very simple.
HYS is working itself into a frenzy after Obama got the Nobel Peace Prize, its funny as hell.
Not half as funny as the Fox news site, however. I tihnk there might have been a few suicides.
‘The level of deception Obama seems to be capable of perpetrating is astonishing and has extended beyond our borders…on behalf of our citizenry, World, we apologize for unleashing the antichrist on you… ‘
winstonsmith84 Florida [Oct 9, 2009 7:02:37 AM]
I think it’s because he’s gay. They’re a very clean people. And have been ever since they came here from France… I mean there from France. I mean. Peter Griffin. Kathy Griffin! Dangerous Liaisons! STICK THEM ALL IN CAMPS! FUCKING OTTERS!!!!!!!!!!! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Hey, I finally figured out what Neil’s post was supposed to mean!
God, what a waste of time. That’s 20 minutes of my lunchbreak I won’t see again in a hurry.
By the way, Neil – you should learn when to use the Oxford comma. That would have saved me a good 5 minutes.
Just been looking at the Obama thing. I think it is a great lesson in how to wind up twatbaskets but this one really made me guffaw.
Classic HYS turdspurting
That’s irony, right? That’s got to be irony. Anything else would just be fucking stupid.
My Foot I doubt you would have – see if you can manage this in 10.
Professor of what, exactly? Presumably Professor of Illiteracy…unless he is actively trying to come across as a gormless, nonsensical fucktard. Given that Professor means ‘a person who professes to be an expert in some art or science’, and having seen the frankly astounding list of subjects that Mr Craig considers himself expert in (for example, in the building of massive lifts into space and nuclear-powered shipping), I think it is highly likely that he is the worlds foremost Professor of Bullshit.
To be fair, he could be right about it all, in which case (assuming we aren’t all put to death by our evil European conquerors) I will see you all on our Oort Cloud space colony, which I will get to on a gigantic elevator, and we can all laugh about what twats we looked for mocking him. Or not.
Someone, somewhere, one time, many moons ago in a galaxy far far away, made a joke about Neil being a retarded gibbon with the educational achievements of a retarded gibbon’s cheesy helmet, and called him “professor”.
The irony of this is that Neil, by his own admission, doesn’t have any Highers, and probably doesn’t have any Standards either (in both the Scottish educational sense and the literal sense).
Neil, in his retarded attempt to be humorous, took the title on himself, and he’s stuck with it. I’m sure he laughs himself soiled every time he sees it.