I’m not a reasonable man. Even so, if a friend told me that he’d had the zany idea of spending the winter months on Eastern Mediterranean Time, I’d probably just think: whatever floats your boat, mate. You fucking loon.
But when the Telegraph’s Charlie Brooks announced that he was doing just that, he was met with pages of vitriol.
Well, vitriol and this… whatever it is (thanks to Katherine)…
What a dysfunctional, miserable, rotten, hate filled, paranoid, fearful country this has become.
There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, that British administration and attitudes cannot make even worse than it already is/was.
Examples are so numerous that they are beginning to rival the spread of some virulent viral pandemic.
The current disastrous state of this benighted land politically, economically, socially and culturally cannot be overstated.
We are ruled by persons who apparently hate us and have betrayed our very national soul, we are inhabited by persons who hate each other, we cannot agree on anything.
Not that the majority are allowed a deciding voice mind (even though they are forced to fund this malevolent extravagance), that is the perogative of our political/administrative masters.
Who in turn appear to be in thrall to either the EU, sinister banking elites, Common Purpose, Frankfurt School adherents, multi-cultural fanatacists, perhaps all of these or indeed anything and everything that is inimical to Britain’s interests and needs.
I have long, long since given up on believing that this is ever going to be addressed by anybody in charge (sic).
Personally I blame the socialists for most of it during my lifetime but to be even handed it cannot be denied that Britain is also suffering from hubris.
The end result of a several hundreds years of treating the general populace as cannon fodder, drones and willing victims allied to cap doffing deference and no choice otherwise.
Unless you were one of the minority who were already privileged, could rise above it via education and hard work or were very lucky.
Those who could not put their trust in those (the socialists) who promised what they could never, ever deliver.
The proverbial silk purse from a sow’s ear as has been irrefutably proven over and over again.
All this against a background of fiscal decline, rising crime, unemployment, non-education and increasing taxation to further impoverish and trap us into submission, with booze, drugs and sex replacing bread and circuses.
Welcome to Dystopia Central formerly known as Great Britain.
Paul (1)
Paul (1) later writes:
I use this bullet style presentation to make my points clear, unambiguous and easy to read.
Stick to Greenwich Mean Time, kids.
47 Responses to “Divtopia Central”
Agreed, I find no pleasure in getting pissed and off my brain on powders and attempting a fumble with Mrs That Bloke of a Friday night, I would much rather enjoy a Marmite sandwich with CoCo the Clown (or even Fucko the clown).
.and anyway, that’s how they are on the Powerpoint presentation, and I don’t know how to reformat them. And again anyway, it’s my perogative (sic)
Reading that made my brain ache. Did he have a point or just wake up and think ‘i’m going to molest an internet site today’
welcome to dystopia central, calling at misanthrope west, xenophobic junction and portsmouth harbour (gateway to oceania)
What’s a tautology?
And just what the fuck is that actually meant to mean (see what I did there?)?
But that won’t stop Paul(1) having a pop at it.
Paul(1) is in need of a Pauline conversion, probably into a toad’s tool…. some ‘shrooms might calm him down.
“This place sucks. It’s utterly fucked, and we’re all total assholes. Now close the borders quick before anyone comes here and ruins all that.”
I can never quite get my head round that.
No, but you’ve given it a bloody good go.
This guy is just sooooo angry,come on man, it’s Friday, book an appointment with Mr Chillum.
Give Paul a break, he’s only one!
Still, so cynical for one so young…
Wow, stream of consciousness fuckwittery. Some great touches of originality, like name-dropping the Frankfurt School. Funny that he rails against “Common Purpose”, then immediately refers to “Britain’s interests and needs”.
Since Paul (1) is not part of a collective, but an individual, maybe the shorter Paul (1) should read:
Oh come, this is exactly what I’d write if I was soft in the head as well. It’s a tough day when you realise that the world is full of people with different ideas and stuff, and surely if we all just pull in the same direction then we’ll be all right. Or maybe just like against the lot which is spoiling it, like the ruling classes what done it to us but then again the socialists is whom I blame generally. They mean well but basically they’re idiots trying to do the manager job. You know, stuff like that. I could go on and on until… oops. See what happened?
Apart from missing the opportunity to use “huge festering dunny” in his mad ranting, I am quite intrigued how the slightly charming quixotic article could provoke such a psychotic bout of misanthropic, racist spleen-venting.
I guess that Paul (1) must be a total cunt.
Huh? Where’s the spelling mistake?
Paul is actually Melanie Phillips tampon. Heavy flow! Take it out on the web. Puns are shit.
There isn’t a spelling mistake. Paul (1) is intent on showing off his outstanding erudition – what he’s saying is that no-one is in charge really. He’s being, like, ironic. I bet it rained on his wedding day as well.
Socialists AND bankers are to blame? Well that makes the only remaining option… fascism! (Or possibly aliens.)
Now, I wonder which one Paul(1) will decide upon. He is a fan of the “bullet style” after all.
For those less well-versed in that sort of thing, the “Frankfurt school” refers to a mid-20th Century German strain of Marxist cultural theory, notably including Walter Benjamin, TW Adorno everyone who views black people as anything other than beasts of burden.
My brane hurts. I don’t know if it’s reading Paul(1)’s valiant but doomed attempt to rise above the standard misspelled, grammatically egregious swill, or because I’m listening to Robbie Williams’ latest on Spotify.
I suspect Paul(1)’s bRane hurts too, because he was dropped on his arse as a child and turned into a piece of dried monkey spooge.
To the other shibboleths of the ranting morons of HYS (‘end of’, ‘methinks’ etc)I think we need to add ‘sic’ used incorrectly. Paul(1) also doesn’t seem to understand what ‘bread and circuses’ means either. Sic.
I wonder if it’s Paul Daniels. I can just see him now, standing at his bunko booth in his shiny hat and waistcoat, venting misanthropic despair while fiddling with coins and playing cards. And Debbie McGee’s tits.
@uncle
Thanks for explanation. Wasn’t sure if the (sic) came from Gainsborough or single Paul.
@Rod
Just gone right off my lunch.
We may not always hang out together, but nothing can come between us.
“Sinister banking elites-UH!
Common Purpose-UH!
Frankfurt School adherents-UH!
Multi-cultural fanatacists-UH!”
Lyrics taken from one of The Fall’s lesser mid-eighties albums, “Ranting Paranoid Knobjob Dystopia Hour”.
So the UK is a shit-hole and he blames socialists etc for decades of mismanagement of the UK and then decides to be “even handed” [sic] by stating that Britain is suffering from hubris.
How is that even-handed?
Obviously his mum bought him a dictionary for his birthday and he hasn’t quite got the hang of it yet.
He’s been hanging it off his tiny cock, but it hasn’t made it any longer.
If Paul’s that fucking clever, how come he thinks we’ve had active modern socialism in this country for hundreds of years? The Communist Manifesto wasn’t even published in the UK until 1850 (smugface).
Oh yeah, sorry, it’s cos he’s a massive twatbasketing cunt.
I know what’s wrong with this country: to know too, make a sentence out of the words ‘him’, ‘people’ and ‘like’.
*Uncle Napolean – you think he’s married? REALLY?
Oh!
Sorry – I’d read that as “Common Porpoise” (Phocoena phocoena) and was struggling to see how any of them had gone to school in Frankfurt, given that they don’t tend to spout in German.
Whatever, none of this changes the fact that Paul(1)(sic) is a Puffing Pig’s privy-hole who wouldn’t recognise what’s really wrong with country even if he kept his eyes open while squeezing out his zits.
I’m just grateful he was brief in his contribution.
random punter: there is no tautology in the sentence “Examples are so numerous that they are beginning to rival the spread of some virulent viral pandemic.”
“Virulent” describes a pathogen’s ability to infect and spread.
“Viral” means caused by a virus.
“Pandemic” means a disease which has spread through a large, widely-spread population.
Please make sure of your facts before beginning any more smart-arsed sixth-form mockery.
You turtle’s taint.
@GrammarQueen. Since a turtle has cloaca – a single opening for both the anus and the reproductive tract – it is incapable of having a ‘taint’.
Please make sure of your zoological facts before beginning any more smart-arsed 6th fornm mockery. You baboon’s barse.
You have caught me out. I am ashamed, and am proceeding immediately to the bathroom where I shall sit on the toilet, drinking bleach and contemplating my future.
I am a drunken dingo’s dirty dick.
You are merely a rabbit’s rim.
Oh no! I’m bang to rights! A Europhillic systems accountant who believes in liberal trade, who studied Cultural Studies and particularly liked Horkheimer, Adorno and Marcuse and believes that the only true colour of the human race is a kind of murky brown!
OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
Blockquote fail.
god piss off bit special you are a mong.
Get off my fucking lap – you can use the bidet. There’s pine-scented or lemon. It’s Tesco’s thick – kinda lingers, like Benylin.
While it slips slowly down – did I ever tell you about the time I got caught out by a partial homonym simply because I hadn’t had my breakfast yet?
You farting ferret’s felch-buddy.
Erm, what? And is ‘mong’ really the best you can do? E-.
punter: as you have only the pine and lemon versions (what are you, some kind of soft southern puff?, I shall be adding Ajax and tramp jizz to mine.
I fear we are both squid quim.
GrammarQueen – as many squid mate by a form of insemination not requiring a reproductive invagination (or ‘quim’) but by insertion of a spermatophore under the mantle…fuck it, I’ll get me wetsuit. Pour me a domestos and budge up, there’s room on that bidet for two.
GrammarQueen, you dropped a bracket, which is kind of ironic, in a rainy wedding day kind of way. I do like the phrase “squid quim” though, which makes up for it…
I’ve been away for awhile*, and I’m pleased to see SYB is back on form, even down to the random pop-up contributor slagging off the stalwarts. Thank the Lord** that the unmentionables appear to have buggered off.
* with swine flu in fact, which the fuckers at HYS claimed didn’t really exist, the big old fibbers.
** Nelson
Ahhhhh, Foot Hurts is back (glad you’re better), I can’t sleep, the chavs are bellowing outside at the bus stop and I’m being randomly insulted by semi-illiterate fucktards on the internet. All is right with the world again.
Mr(s) Foot Hurts,
That’s it. I have never – not once – dropped a bracket before in my life. IN MY LIFE.
There can be but one punishment: I am off now to the understairs closet, where I shall sit for a while, fellating a butcher’s knife as I consider what value my life holds.
Yours in bloody sadness,
A Tiger’s Tit.
You are all badger’s nadgers. All! ALL!
The added comment reminded me of ” ** I move away from the mic to breathe in”.
So much that I went back and re-read it in a Tay Zonday voice with the Chocolate Rain melody in my head.
I sent an email to the Telegraph via the report function telling them that Paul(1) is a Flag Wanking Badgers Vag. I await their lovingly crafted reply.
@El Spesholita
All is, indeed, well with the world. With one exception.
Where, oh where, is Gobbler the Oral Sex Alsation?
From the Grauniad:
(http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/08/henry-porter-berlin-wall-european-union?showAllComments=true#CommentKey:5470a6e5-5e42-427a-a54a-1f4d6b604457)
I want to know exactly when sex replaced circuses. Thoses circuses must have been awesome…