Thanks to Sarah for wading through this humming toilet of impotent rage to find this…
I have never hit a woman in my life: but if I was attacked by one by the time I was finished with her she would be begging me to kill her. The misery I would put on someone who attacked me or anyone in my family would be so profound, so horrible, that they would prefer death over the pain and agony that I would inflict upon their body. If you think that I am too cruel, look to what you have become over there, across the pond. Youths who have nothing better to do than run around attacking people. Every day I read yet another article here at the Daily Mail, and, yes, we have the same problems here. But we know how to end the problem: lock them up for the rest of their natural life. Then they won’t have anyone to attack except each other. Forget about them. Don’t bring on the “Human Rights” bit, I respect the human rights of the victim, not those of the attacker.
Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA
Guess which of these statements is correct:
- Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is a man who doesn’t fuck about.
- Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is caught in the dark, wintry hinterland between civilised society and the point at which humanity shatters – whereupon a man becomes an implacable, jerking beast of vengeance in a world of screams – and one day something’s going to push him over the edge and then we’ll be sorry, like with Michael Douglas in that film or something.
- Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is a mild-mannered IT professional who wasn’t breastfed.
60 Responses to “Falling Over”
4. Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is a tough guy. A real macho man with a big swinging dick. Nobody don’t gone fuck with Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA.
5. Richard Matthews, Arkansas USA is Brian Bosworth is John North in One Tough Bastard.
I mean, it’s not like Richard Matthews wants to be attacked and have to pound his attacker – male, female, intersex or animal – into a bloody stain on the pavement. It’s just he’s prepared for it, if it should happen. Prepared every second of every day, because you never know when it might. You can’t imagine the effort it takes to keep his blood lust sufficiently stoked for his family’s protection. Just don’t tap him on the shoulder and ask for directions.
I mean, One Tough Bastard.
Featuring M.C. Hammer. From the producers of The Banker.
Statement 3 is definitely the correct one. Some chap who looks a bit like Dilbert.
I think he just watches a lot of South Park…
Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I’d be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Richard Matthews is so tough and protective that he makes my funny parts quiver.
Like some form of parkour? At least you can’t accuse them of being couch potatoes.
The worrying thing is that he uses solely the Daily Mail website to shape his idea of what the UK is like. We should feel sorry for him, really.
Yeah but you can get your own back by solely using Fox News to shape your idea of what the US is like. I’m still astonished they managed to stop fucking pigs long enough to invade Iraq.
I think that anyone would be begging Richard Matthews to kill them after 5 minutes in his presence regardless of him being violent or not.
Well of course that’s bad. They should be pounding “attacking people” into gooey puddles, not avoiding them!
Also, Richard Matthews probably was breastfed. By his dad or something.
He was breastfed by a bear, so that now he can call upon the strength of the wild to pound his enemies into the ground.
I thought they took the pigs with them…
I hear pounded human meat is harder to get out of pavements than chewing gum. I hope Dick doesn’t expect the state to clean up after his love-rage explosion.
Freud would have a field day with this guy
I’m confused. If they know how to end the problem, why do they still have the problem?
“Yeah, we have ferile youths in America, but we’re AMERICAN, so we don’t put up with that shit.”
6. Richard ‘little Dick’ Matthews is in fact Bernard’s less successful younger brother. He has a liking for fucking turkeys.
I imagine he has a video of himself up on youtube, topless, playing with nunchuks. All 24 stone of him.
Richard Matthews is fifteen years old, has chronic acne and is scared of the big kids who make fun of his weight. He likes the Daily Mail site because it sometimes has naughtyish pictures of ladies (they’re not pornographic, that would be SINFUL) which he can fap away to with a clear conscience. Eight times a day. The only other times he’s truly happy are when he’s murdering female characters in video games. Yes! Watch the blood splatter! Yes! Yes! Yes!
So US prisons are full of attackers attacking each other.
I suppose that fulfills both society’s and the atackers’ needs. Society has less attackers and the attackers can attack to their hearts’ content – but only attacking other attackers.
I’m pleased that no other criminals on non-attacking charges are allowed into these attackers prisons. Otherwise a tax-dodger or traffic offender might be attacked – by an attacker.
I managed to fit in 7 “attacks” more than Richard Matthews did in his post. What a fucking pussy.
I love Shaun from Warrington’s comment on the same thread.
“If a man hit me I would exact a retaliatory blow x2.
If a woman hit me I would exact a retaliatory blow x2.
Can anyone tell me why not…?
I thought woman wanted to be treated as equals…or are there limits to that equality?
Sounds like hypocrasy to me.
- Shaun, Warrington, formerly Lancashire,”
Sounds like hypocrisy yes. Nearly spelt like it as well. Oh and the plural of woman is women.
And woe betide any woman who reminds him that, under the local government reforms of 1974, Warrington, incorporating Lymm Urban District and part of Runcorn Rural District from Cheshire, and part of Warrington Rural District, was made a borough within Cheshire County Council. He’s still literally shaking with rage about it.
That thread is pure gold – albeit its an easy target given that it’s daily mail.
Jepardy wants his VOICE heard:
I agree. The fact that women have proved to be capable of violence means we should ban feminism. Kill all women and … erm.
Allan never quite got past his schoolgirl spanking fetish did he
What a bunch of sick fucks that thread has attracted. Clearly all in abject terror of those mysterious, exotic creatures called “wimmin”…
I’ve seen Americans on messageboards do this before. If you, as a known brit, mention that you saw some chavs acting up on a bus, you’ll be leapt all over by gun-sucking libertards* crowing, “See! If you pussy limeys ALL HAD SWEET SWEET GUNS this wouldn’t happen over there!” – because the correct method of recourse to any public discomfort is to whip out your piece like Dirty Fucking Harry, naturally.
Meanwhile if a yank gets intimidated and does nothing, they’ll be all praise for him: “No man, you did the right thing, he could have had a knife or a gun or anything! And even if you had your own gun it wouldn’t be RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERSHIP to start a fight with him!”
I believe it’s known as cognitive dissonance.
*People who, so far as I can tell through interacting with them, would happily forego running water, working roads, defence of the realm and the ability to say good morning to your neighbour without getting your face blown off for the right to own guns and smoke weed, one of which they already have and the other they already do.
Yeah, we’ll have Corporal Punishment back, he’s better than Sergeant Major Execution, that guy is a bastard.
The only time it’s acceptable for a woman to show aggression is when she’s dressed in black leather & fishnets, and charging for it.
Oh dear, have you seen what the top HYS is today?
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=7226&edition=1&ttl=20091112123714
Can someone else have a look please? Something tells me the strange outbreak of reasonableness (or Nulab blogger astroturfing, depending on who you believe) that followed the Jamie Janes affair has come to an end, and I really can’t be arsed with it today..
“If the government restricted the flow of immigrants into this country as well as HYS moderators are restricting the flow of comments onto this board, the problem would go away.
john Adair, Speakyourbranes exile
“
I think I’ve found the source of Richard Matthews’ problems.
Never happens in America, particularly never happens in Columbine.
Anything they’ve missed here?
What tickles me is all these folks are champing at the bit to sterilise, execute, make destitute the vagrants among us, yet have the nerve to complain about encroaching stalinist state.
That and their charming belief that the Daily Mail is the one true mirror of British society.
For the record, Richard Matthews is a puss-filled platypus’s privates.
Speaking of incoherant male RAGE, this is from some tripe about a woman getting fined for feeding ducks on The Mail website:
Maybe they’re related?
Do you know how difficult these cockdribbles are making it for me and the missus to come back to the UK? Congratulations, HYS-twinned-with-BNP, the obsession with immigration has now made it even harder for a professional to bring his partner – a more qualified professional – back to his home country… it’s harder to get a partnership visa now for the UK than it is for Australia and NZ. Go fucking figure. And here’s a stool-brained example of why:
Yeah, Britain is a groovy modern tolerant place where women have all rights and that. So foreigners and heathens, fuck off
You’re SO right, John. The BBC is clearly a censorship-obsessed arm of our Stalinistic dictatorship. And, what’s more, when they delete one your posts, it’s even more censorial because they are not only censoring you, they are censoring your 107 non-house-rule-breaking sockpuppets AT THE SAME TIME!!!
THE FREEDOM-HATING BASTARDS! How dare they not let you swamp EVERY thread with your fascist propaganda! I am bursting with self-righteous indignation on your behalf about this national SCANDAL!
@Thorpe
Well spotted research there, it was the day Lymm went to the dogs!
What the fuck. No, seriously, what the fuck.
Mark (from Leigh, which frankly doesn’t shock me at all) wants to pursue behaviour in public that’d lead to a council officer issuing a fine – so he’d like to litter, or make a nuisance of himself, or let his dog shit wherever he feels like, or loiter on council property, or park wherever the fuck he feels like. Fine knock yourself out, you selfish cunt.
But then, when a council officer tries to issue a fine to reprimand him for such behaviour, Mark would then like to commit public indecency by insulting the officer? And then, when the officer would attempt to enforce the fine, Mark would then use violence against the officer to attempt to hinder the enforcement of council by-laws?
My, when you say it like that, Mark appears to be a twat. Actually, when you say it the way Mark said it, Mark appears to be a twat. I think Mark is just a twat.
Definitely. But breastfed by a monkey.
I think I encountered a real life HYSer tonight. As I rode past him he shouted “Dream on New Labour bullshit”. Does riding a bike make me part of the ZaNuLiarBore conspiracy?
Good. It really pisses me off when people feed the ducks.
…scrounging layabouts, and half of them come from forrin
I’m pretty certain Richard Matthews is one of these people.
Just not sure which one…
Falling Down
Falling Over
Falling Face First into a Gigantic Turd Spurted from My Own Steaming Cakehole
Yes: you, Boris and Dave. All zealous Brown supporters.
I have noticed of recent a common theme in the racisits arguments on immigration. All of them do not like immigrunts, all of them assume forrins follow other religions,and all of them imply in their arguments that forrins are all of a brown or black skin persuasion. Now correct me if I am wrong (and I may well be), the recent large influx of forrins were from Poland, where the majority of folk are white and christian, and you would’nt know that they were an immigrunt until they spoke to you. Now taking the racists usual arguments, does this mean that forrins can come here as long as they are white and christian? Will we only be recruiting our forrins from white forrin lands such as NZ and Aus (but why they would want to come here lord alone knows, when the Heil reckons we are all going there)? Can you only be forrin, in a racisits book, if you are a different colour?
I know, a little early for this sort of thinking. I’ll sod off till I have had more coffee.
Doesn’t this describe most HYSers? They hate the Church, they hate wimmin, and they’d all get out of the UK if they could (the main reason to leave, of course, being an opportunity to make that lame joke about turning out the lights as they go).
Incidentally, what happened to the capital ‘C’ in Christianity? It’s almost as though Ian Wankton isn’t actually a practising Christian…
You lot are on my list, motherfuckers.
He is a Christian with a small ‘c’,loves the smiting and the wrath of God, but has a problem with the whole ‘love thy neighbour gig.
Off topic. This one promises to have the morons out in droves
Is immigration a problem?
What would be “reasonable force” in this scenario? Trying to give them a ticket in return? Spewing his filthy mouthwords over them until they gave up and left? Or is it in quotes because he actually means unreasonable force – in which case, why mention it at all, you fucking twat?
@Richard Matthews: I assume you mean your Christmas card list, right?
or take the ticket home, then burble endlessly onto the internet about how his rights are being stamped on by the faceless stalinist fascists at county hall. the bastards.
“Off topic. This one promises to have the morons out in droves
Is immigration a problem?”
Reminds me of the Gervais stand up routine with the line,
“Darkies, do we need ‘em?”
How do I alert a BBC mod that their own work mates are trolling HYS with questions like is immigration a problem?
The most recommended in that thread:
Come on – it lives in Merseyside. That’s never a shit hot market for jobs, and they don’t wantto work anyway, and poverty in Merseyside is just like water in the Mersey anyway, it couldn’t function without it, and…
But who is that? Too terse to be “Professor” Craig..
The other signs that it’s not Neil Craig are:
- No unhinged demonisation of the BBC
- Apparent support for any political party other than his own one
- Doesn’t confuse the works of assorted logically dissonant SF authors with reality
- No relation to Serbian nationalist propaganda
- Hypocrisy levels so far below glaring as to be practically non-existent
- Actual content written in a human-readable form
Also, no mention of Nazis or fascism in relation to the major parties. It’s impossible for Neil to write “Labour” without including a reference to the Nazis within five words.
I submitted this and forgot to check, so pleased you featured it!
The people that post on this restore my faith in humanity. If this website didn’t take my rage and translate it (with hilarious consequences) I could have ended up the mysterious Jekyll and Hyde IT consultant that this guy clearly is.
MUCH love xxx