Of course, science has proved where ghosts come from. Sometimes a soul will leave this life and not be able to find its way to the utopia that awaits beyond the veil. Instead they get trapped in a place they don’t belong, repeating the same behaviours over and over, slipping with time into irrelevance and anachronism.
The same thing sometimes happens with turgid tax-obsessed wankers who can’t find their way to HYS, so they bollocks up other perfectly good websites instead.
It could be a site about courgette farming. Ray_A could have been discussing the importance of the bowline to short-term canal boat mooring procedures. None of that matters to JohnnyBimmer (a man who defines himself by owning a BMW – bet he’s a riot at parties!). He literally cannot talk about anything but how much he hates the concept of tax.
Ray_A – yes fantastic. Now evidence a single success of a penny of the £££millions spent by Regional Development Agencies. These quangos are just another way to siphon public money into corrupt vehicles. There gas been no “reduction” in taxation, you’re fooled by slight of hand. The Labour socialists tax take from the economy has risen to over 50% of GDP. That’s generous, i estimate it nearer 60%. Labour has spent this country into oblivion, the tax take to bail out this bankrupt institution is going to get far worse in coming years because Labour have spent so much (everything) they’ve deferred the debts/payments. You in Govt employ?
JohnnyBimmer
BMW called. They asked you to stop using their name because even the cunts’ cunts who drive BMWs think you’re a cunt’s cunt.
63 Responses to “Bet It’s A 318 Compact”
But the real cunty cunts’ cunts are the ones who go for the convertible option.
He’s got the wrong car. He should be called JohnnyVulvo really.
I just like that a whole bunch of the Daily Mail’s pseudo economists make some random angry taxation figure out to be 50%, and still our Johnny just has to go one step further with his personal estimation. He probably figured it out on the back of a condom he’s had since high school that he carries around hoping that some 6′ blonde will scream “Oh My God, a BMW, do me now bigboy!”
Oi, Johnny. In twat drive?
I thought about buying a second-hand BMW last month. Then decided against it in case nulabur raise taxes.
I almost bought a BMW once until I realised you might as well tattoo your annual earnings onto your forehead and walk around slapping anyone with a lower number and glaring angrily at anyone with a higher number.
I expect that makes it the chosen car brand of HYS, now I think of it.
I tried to post on this thread but I was stopped by a server error.
I assume it was a sign that what I was going to say wasn’t funny enough. So I’ll just leave it.
The server is powered by a piezo-electric motor attached to John Adair’s arm. As long as he’s wanking over the thought of a pure indigenous GREAT Britain or making Hitler salutes everything’s fine. But occasionally he passes a policeman and has to appear normal for 10 seconds, so the server stops ticking for a moment or two. Just resubmit your comment if it hasn’t appeared when the server comes back up.
Johnny and his BMW can be seen in their full glory at ‘Rate My Body.com’. Assuming my poor linking skills don’t fail me, I think you’ll agree he deserves a Spotty Little Herbert rating.
Link success! What’s more, the 2nd photo of ‘his’ BMW is clearly not a photo of his BMW.
Funny P
I think you may have chanced on a second twat called JohnnyBimmer.
Why would a chavvy teenage Vin Diesel wannabe from Concord, NH be worrying about English RDAs?
Admittedly you could ask the same about some tubby wideboy Daily Mailist from these shores. And of course we do ask the same.
The worst thing about that link was the side panel… Meet hot girls and guys like johnnybimmer from concord, New Hampshire on our free hot or not style dating site!
“
Gah, blockquotes fail! *facepalm*
I like his dillusion that civil servants go around extolling the virtues of their employers and their policies on the internet.
BMW? maybe he has a baseball cap and t-shirt and stands infront of other people’s luxury cars pretending they are his, a la Joey in Friends.
An old acquaintance of mine owns the ridiculously expensive BMW sports coupe with the ‘transformers-style’ retracting roof. It’s a gorgeous car, but knowing what he’s like, I’m sure that he bought it simply as a statement of how much “richer than yow” he is… cunt
I think you’ll find that the revenue take was just under 50% of GDP last year.
So I’m sorry, Johnny was actually right in his first figure, but the inflation to suggest that a lie involving £100bn is possible on the government accounts was a twattish move on his part.
For the record, I’m saving for a Volvo. The V90. The estate version.
Funnily enough with the last four cars I’ve bought, I decided which model to get by asking myself “what would Jesus drive?”.
Now I realise I should have bought a Volvo estate. Jesus must have dogs, or a large family. Or the need to transport a lot of stuff.
I love this idea. Could the system be extended to harness the power of HYSers furiously pounding their keyboards with their fists? How about little turbines, powered by flecks of indignant spittle?
We’re planning on setting it up as soon as we can run the cables to the Spanish coast.
I thought about buying a BMW but I’m too scared to go out since I learnt that the news is keeping us all in the dark about terrifying, obese knife-crimers for fear of upsetting Yooman Rights. No, really.
Jesus has but a large cat and a small girlfriend, but remembers the halcyon days of BTCC and Rikard Rydell’s impressive Volvo win in the S40 in 1998, and the Bathurst 1000 win in the same car in the same year.
Jesus would recommend searching out for an 850 T5 or a V70 T5, if you can afford the insurance. It’s fast enough to kill yourself, but roomy enough to fit the kids in the back so you can kill them too and they won’t be sad.
Aren’t Saabs quite a safe, family-kinda car?
In fairness, if you’d had to lug that big crucifix all the way to Golgotha on foot you’d be dreaming of getting a volvo estate too.
And imagine how safe the journey would have been…………
Let’s not forget that Jesus caused to wither a fig tree that displeased him by bearing no fruit. He’d have a second hand Ford Focus with a worn-out horn that he parked in disabled spaces.
I reckon Jesus had a rusty Transit with a bit of paper in the windscreen with “tax in post” written on it.
Wouldn’t it have said “render unto to the DVLA.. in the post”
I’d always assumed Jesus drove an enormous pick-up with a gun-rack and lots of empty beer cans rolling around on the back seat.
Whereas I seem to see him in a 2CV with a “Nuclear power; No thanks” sticker on the rear window.
Maybe that was just a lookalike.
None of the above I’m afraid.
I have a 1.4 Honda Civic that I’ve pimped up to the max.
Thanks, Christ.
Now, how about Saint Peter? Some kind of Cadillac, surely?
I put “some asshole in a bmw” into Google and got 3960 hits. A whole afternoon’s amusement there. I did try it with “arsehole” and, strangely, only got a googlewack.
Jesus – I’ve driven a V70 T5, they are very quick. Sleepers.
Millie – by brother-in-law had a Saab 900 turbo, he said you’d never be stopped by the police in a Saab as they have such a reputation for being driven by boring people.
Am I supposed to say something about how JohnnyBimmer is a corpulent crab’s cloaca?
Seriously, has anyone ever met a bmw driver that wasn’t a cunt?
I don’t just mean a cheeky chappy, mildly offensive cunt we all have as mates (you know the one), i mean the CUNT cunt types of cunt.
Oh, and you’re all wrong about Jebus, he would drive a prius, surely?
fucking hell. when did this place turn into top gear?
you’ve all missed a perfect opportunity
johnnybimmer? johnnybummer more like
i drive a skoda.
johnny bummer has a page over on ratemytinypenis.org. What a guy! Oh wait I meant he’s a guy?!
Methinks he’ll be racing around in a wheel chair before long, if I’m right
Good, but no cigar, Pete – you’re forgetting the fact that every woman alive, heterosexual or not, knows that a flash motor is akin to hiring a Town Crier to walk behind you ringing his bell and bellowing ‘Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The man in front has a micro-penis’. I’m a 5 ft 4″ brunette and I know that; it’s a primal instinct as strong as getting the baby broodiness (possibly more so).
The way the server runs sounds suspiciously like how The Guardian printing presses were got up and running in the special Gilbert Ratchet strip in The Guide t’other week. But I’ll let you off, as it’s aa to idea. Seeing as the fucktardery (ary?) of right-wing twatbaskets fuels this site, what better than literally making the fucktardery of right-wing twatbaskets fuel this site?
Didn’t see Claire’s comment (must remember to refresh page more often) but it just proves my point – we ladies KNOW…
Thanks for the tip Limni, will be swapping my Lamborghini forthwith.
@http://www.topgear.com/uk/lamborghini/gallardo
I estimate the total tax take is £26.78.
Pretty steep. Yet, with the economy growing at 9% every year after the general election (thanks Professor C!) in real terms the government will run at a surplus and so will be handing out free money to everyone.
If I’m right.
There is a green hill far away, beyond a city wall – but fortunately hills are a breeze in the new Volvo XC90, with its four wheel drive being enough to take on the roughest of hills and the five cylinder 2.5l turbo diesel being quiet and efficient enough to ensure that even the journey all the way to heaven can be done on a single tank! And it so quiet, you could hear a nail drop!
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
OK, that didn’t work. And it now looks like I’m a spammer.
I tried to convince JC of the merits of the Volvo XC90 but would he listen? Would he bollocks!
He went out and got the 1.4 Honda Civic. It wouldn’t have been a bad thing – it’s a good little runabout with quite low maintenance costs – but then what does he do? Puts a ridiculous spoiler on the back that fucks up the clouds as he drives by and dislodges the multitudes of harpers harping with their harps, a big fat exhaust and a stereo with a power amp and a bass bin that makes so much noise I’ve had Old Nick on the blower f’ing and blinding.
Kids eh? Fucking kids. All to impress that Mary Magdalane bint. I said to him, “Son, once you’ve your bitch to wash your feet that’s game, set and match.” Silly twat only went and let it slip – he’s right under her thumb now.
I’ll see your BMW 318 compact and raise you a BMW C1 scooter – 125cc with added rollbars
For everybody’s attention, Cugar Brent is back:
From the above post does anyone else get the impression that Cuger might occasionally jump into his untaxed car, drive off pissed while punching his wife in the face, all the while shouting “poof” down his mobile phone before being stopped by the fuzz and telling them to fuck off? Or is that just me? Give that man a gun.
Woohoo, the Cugster is back. I wonder what car would be suitable for such a literary giant. I have him pegged as a sensible Mondeo estate type of chap,with one of those really ingenious boot tidys and a CD organiser.
Much as Cant Burger is generally an entire barrel full of arse biscuits, on this occasion I have to side with him.
The self referential ‘law-abiding citizen’ is always followed by the sort of opinion that will get them banged up once I have brought my brand of fatherly dictatorship to the UK. It’s not unlike the alternative meaning of ‘I’m not a racist …’
I already do-I only wear T-shirts.
Already collected coat and am down the pathway closing the gate.
A mini.
My former cow-orker Mad Dog wasn’t a cunt, but my ex brother-in-law is a cunt to the nth degree, so that makes up for it.
I have just seen the best one ever, a 3 series on an 09 plate on the back of a wrecker , which was, for want of a better word, totalled.One less cunty BMW driver on the road. There is justice in the world.
“I have just seen the best one ever, a 3 series on an 09 plate on the back of a wrecker , which was, for want of a better word, totalled.One less cunty BMW driver on the road. There is justice in the world.”
Hurrah!
Es gibt auch viel Schadenfreude in der Welt, mich dünkt.
I can’t drive. Do I win anything?
Probably a bloody car.
I like to wind up car nuts, even though it is too easy. You start by referring to all cars exclusively by their colour, so that new shiny silver sports thingy that they are so proud of is “a grey one”. Once they get annoyed and start insisting that I must be able to tell their pride and joy from a rust bucket I hit them with my grand unified theory of motoring which holds that “There are three types of car, akin to the three types of quark, flat ones, square ones and round ones. To insist otherwise is to persist in error akin to the alchemists.” This normally persuades then to talk about something else.
@Jesus Chris
There are only estate versions of the V90.
Although I was 15% wrong last time I pulled on my pedant’s pully and harassed you so perhaps I’m just a lama’s love truncheon.
You’re right, the V stands for “versatility”, as opposed to the S, which stands for “saloon”. So in essence, saying “The estate version” was a tautological error that under normal circumstances would see me nailed to a cross just outside of Cavalry.
However, I did notice the audience I was addressing (as in the above remarks), so the addition of the estate wasn’t calling it a “V90 estate” as such, but rather noting, for my audience, that the V90 was in fact the estate version.
But just so you know, it’s spelled “llama”.
Crumbs*, must take some impact to total a wrecker.
* sorry, been re-reading Richmal Crompton lately so my ejaculations are a little archaic at the moment.
Jeremy Beadle is a government consultant now? It’s political correctness gone mad.
@Jesus Chris
Aha, if it’s weaseling out that you enjoy, then I have to say I was in fact referring to Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso’s penis rather than a llama’s cock in my sign of.
Can you spot my mistake included to keep the fun going?
*meow* *purr* *purr*