On ultra-eccentric Haredi Jews’ guidelines for kosher music.
It’s good to know that fundamentalist rock-and-roll alarmism isn’t just an American phenomenon.
Justin Anthony Knapp, Indianapolis, USA
Admit it though Justin. It’s still not as surprising as when you found out about there being other countries.
Once upon a time, there was a group of people determined to control what the people could or could not read, watch and hear. Anything that did not fit with their view of ‘decent’, ‘upstanding’ and ‘respectable’, was banned, leading to large-scale book-burnings. That group of people later went on to ban and burn more than books. “Where they burn books, they will ultimately also burn people.” – Heinrich Heine
Jamie Jones, Linz, Austria
Ooooooh I know this one. Is it the Khmer Rouge?
Incidentally I rang Heinrich Heine up and asked him to write a humorous poem about you. Unfortunately he couldn’t think of anything to rhyme with “verdepperte Geißfut”.
40 Responses to “Heil Heine!”
A bit harsh on justin there!
Or possibly dystopian, 1984-esque NuLiarBore Britain.
In the interests of empirical scientific research (and as a small contribution to the cultural well-being of humanity)I’ve burned several copies of the works of Dan Brown. I have as yet noted no increase in my wish to burn people – the desire to take a match to Littlejohn, Phillips, Platell et al. existed prior to the book burning.
I can’t see what’s wrong with what either of them have said apart from that it’s somewhat hyperbolic. Let’s be honest – the ideas in the article are more than a little mad.
Look who I found rustling around in the bushes
Fucking idiot.
Daily Mail Island?
http://www.tvgohome.com/1102-2000.html
Possibly I’m missing something here, but aren’t both of those quite sensible comments? Has HYS suddenly become light on genuine frothing nut-jobs to take the piss out of and you’ve had to turn on the reasonable human beings? Seems unlikely…
I think it’s the subtle hint of “JEWS=NAZIS Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah” in the second one that makes it worthwhile
I’m afraid you are missing the point a bit. No comment, however intelligent or to the point, that is posted on HYS could ever be sensible. The sensible thing to do would be not to have ever looked at the HYS site (unless you are undertaking the honourable task of hunting for exceptionally bad posts for the amusement of others) and most definitely not actually post a comment.
Rogue_Leader is a genius – GENIUS!!!! Actual laughter occurred at the “welcome to the shitbox” description in his link. My life is now a bit better…
And the first involves poking fun at the Yanks, always good for a bit of light relief.
Well…. It’s a good start.
Anyone got a translation for “verdepperte Geißfut”??
I love that TV guide too. It’s like an early work of John O’Farrell.
“Keep It In The Family”-
In tonight’s episode Jocasta has some surprising news for Oedipus.
The thing about the first comment is its utter vacuousness. It’s on the level of “It’s good to know that your fingers going wrinkly in the bath isn’t just an American phenomenon.” Also that if you use his initials his name is “jaknapp”, which sounds funny.
I once heard Iain (M.) Banks talking on the radio about how some ned once gloatingly told him that they always shoplifted his books, and how he then explained to them that the bizarre workings of the book industry actually meant he ended up getting more money for shoplifted books.
Kids, don’t steal Dan Brown’s books, not even for burning! Better to burn Indigenous Englishman of Shoeburyness instead.
@KKK
“verdepperte Geißfut” approximates to “crippled goat’s cunt”, although there’s a wide possibility of translations for “verdepperte”, depending on context. Perhaps, in the tradition of alliterative epithets, we can settle on “gammy goat’s gash”.
@wayne
Sie sind noch klüger als Google Translate und Babel Fish. Keiner von ihnen wusste, was es bedeutete.
hey, at least we’ve finally found a way to solve the palestine issue:
Das tranzlatermachinen google ist neine gut fúr der tranzlating.
Yeah, ‘thick goat cunt’ in Austrian German. Well done KKK. Ten points to Slytherin.
Not KKK. Wayne. KKK try Leo next time.
Groggleface Thingywotsit:
I think you’ll find it’s DIE tranzlating.
Has anyone else just seen a lightbulb go on over Cuger Brant’s head?
Above Cuger Brant’s head. There’s so much that goes over Cuger Brant’s head that you’d never spot a lightbulb in amongst it all.
I know what’s going over Cuger Brant’s head. Half a square mile of Milton Keynes.
http://cugerbrant.co.uk/
Sorry to hear about your recent death, old chap. I’ve just written a letter of condolence to your mother – hope my handwriting’s neat enough for her.
Surely you mean Bruce Grant’s head? It’s a Jordan/Katie Price thing.
Ja. Das ist wot I ist saying. Die tranzlating thingy ist kaputt und not very gút.
Warum die umlat uber dem ‘ú’ nicht correcten or some shit?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh3l678Ow4A&feature=player_embedded
Cuger Brant! Whoo! Whoooo! “This escalation will not be a slow, befuddled ‘computer modelling’ predictable event. It will be what I term the ‘chessboard escalation effect’ an exponetial progession. In other words, you put one grain of rice on the first square, two on the second, four on the third and so on. This will be the consequence and result of the ‘gun firing’ after the stepping off the cliff where there is no going back. It will not present itself with a bang but rather a silent, slow whimper”
So IT (the global warming) will occur both quickly AND slowly AND give us lots of rice. Really couldn’t follow the whole gun/cliff thing though. Ah, Cuges…smiley face. Back to his webiste for more delights…
Cugly also gets in a sly dig at “computer modelling” to cement his position as the leading international authority on climate change.
Here, Cuger, that’s such a good example of illustrating exponential. Have you thought of using it in one of your amazing novels, because it’s just the kind of original idea that sells loads of books?
I have advised my kids schools to stock the full range of Cuger Brants books, I feel that the kids need to be made aware that Milton Keynes is real and not a made up land!
Because at the end of the day it’s a game of two halves and whoever doesn’t score the most goals is sick as a parrot but that’s just how you play the game.
@Theodore – Thanks. Thanks a lot.
We’re gonna get killed by chessboards. With rice.
Could be cheeseboards. I like them.
If I’m sober.
I am so pissed drunk that Cuger is beginning to make a lot of sense. Thanks cheap two for one wine offer – I am now ’slow and befuddled’. And still can’t do block quotes.
WTF?
Fucking. Genius. Cuger. Applause.
I mean, talk about economy of language and simplicity. Years, literally years at university, spent hunched over books like Simulations, Mythologies, Myth and Meaning, searching for answers to the problems of life in one single text or hurriedly scribbling down notes to be revised later on and amalgamated into my own… almanac of meaning…
…and Cuger comes along and wins without even trying. Double-click to edit text, or drag to move.
Double-click to edit text…
…or drag to move.
I admit it… I spent a good few minutes double clicking on his site in the vain hope it might be one of those sites based on a Wiki, and Cuger had forgotten to turn off editing privileges. No luck.
But hey, thank God I didn’t, or I might have accidentally edited this EXCLUSIVE story:
Seal Cub Soup for the Soul?
Hmm… Err… Hummm… No, I’ve thought again. Still sentimental mush.
It’s not even mush. It’s a fucking insult to mush, which at least has some kind of form and some kind of function, even if said mush is post function. To call Gnat Curber’s work mush is nothing more than elevating it to a status well above and beyond anything it could possibly hope to be – it has neither post-functional mush’s post-functional status, or pre-functional mush’s pre-functional status.
It’s not even a steaming pile of turds, because that’s post- and pre-functional.
I think we need a new word to describe this literally functionless amorphic blob of Cuger’s. I think, yes, what Cuger produces should be called what it is: a steaming great pile of cuger.