spEak You're bRanes

Delusions of Grandeur and The Regular Twats01 Dec 2009 09:45 am

By Nelson

Thanks to Kate for finding our old friend Rhys Jaggar commenting on an Independent article about shouting at your boss.

rhysjaggar:
Tuesday, 24 November 2009 at 10:08 am (UTC)

What if the boss is a sadist?

It’s all very well shouting at them.

But if they have:
i. the power to provide a rubbish reference when you try and leave;
ii. a subliminal hatred of men due to poor fathering;
iii. a deep complex of jealousy allied to a need for fawning admiration;

then it’s a brave or a foolish person who shouts at them.

And it’s a brave person who resigned the previous job to challenge a new boss in under a year. And they will know that.

This is the option for the idealist state where principled decision-making takes place.

It’s extremely dangerous in a dog-eat-dog, heartless and amoral culture where taking a stand leads to ostracism.

I’ll let you decide which society prevails in Britain right now……

I dunno Rhys. It’s dangerous to draw conclusions from anecdotal evidence, especially when there’s only one completely hypothetical anecdote about the time a completely hypothetical person (let’s call him “Thick Jagger” for now) got sacked for being a bell-end.

Last time I used one of Rhys’s comments he found it while googling himself. Then he emailed me to let me know his thoughts on the matter. Would anyone like to see the email? You would? Well, here it is, in all its deranged glory. Oh, the subject line was “Are you a human being utterly without conscience or integrity?”, which made me wonder if I’d actually met him some time. Anyway…

Dear ‘Nelson’

I write to congratulate you on your truly stupendous website, containing as it does an unending smorgasbord of derision, hatred, mirth, crass rudeness and self-certitude of your superior humanity and morality.

One wonders whether you take a plunge outside America to determine whether others share your opinions?

I am sure that you would agree that if killing Iraqis is ‘acceptable collateral damage’, then killing yours is too. Assuming any woman had been conned into marrying you before she detected your self-hatred masked by American patriotism?

I am sure that you are painfully exact in your research to determine whether my statements of monitoring in a country 3000 miles from yours are accurate or caused by ‘delusions of grandeur’. I would greatly enjoy NOT being monitored and as a scientist carried out significant experiments to determine that fact.

I am sure that if we wanted to get rid of George W Bush, that killing 100,000 of your citizens would be acceptable to you, wouldn’t it? WOULDN’T IT??

I am sure that you consider US spying on all countries to steal the hard work generated there is SITUATION NORMAL, isn’t it? Presumably you are equally laudatory of criminals who steal your life’s assets and then bung the insurance company to refuse to pay you a single cent in return??

I am sure that you run a successful humane business without exploiting anyone and that you are the first to feed beggars on the street, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU??

Perhaps you fought in Iraq and are embittered?? I engaged peacefully to try and stop that war, not because I think Saddam was acceptable, but because murdering people for oil was not the way to change it. Is that a crime??

I really don’t care who you are, but I would request that your website eliminate all reference to me and I would request that the three UK politicians this is cc’ed to might respectfully request that Mr Obama shut your site down and send you to become an international ambassador for peace in the Middle East.

Since you are clearly so superior to all those who try to engage that the whole problem would be gone in 6 months, wouldn’t it?

And the USA would be admired by the whole world, wouldn’t it?

Buddy boy…………

I didn’t notice until I got to the end bit about Mr Obama, but Rhys had actually CC’d the email to David Cameron, Nick Clegg and Hilary Benn. For real. That put the fear up me good n proper, as you can imagine. So, I packed a few basic supplies and then went into hiding for a bit. It was pretty lonely in hiding, in a hut up in the hills of North Dakota all on my own. I’d have invited the missus to come with me but I was worried that Mr Obama would use the full resources of the CIA to come and put an end to my disgraceful existence and I just didn’t want her getting mixed up in that shit. Also, they would probably have turned me into an international ambassador for peace in the Middle East and she hates international ambassadors for peace, wherever they live.

As the weeks passed, my terror began to give way to a feeling of smug satisfaction as I realised that I might have given them the slip. I began to leave my secret shelter more and more often and sometimes would stroll brazenly into town and buy a pack of mini scotch eggs or a bottle of dandelion and burdock, cackling to myself all the while. After a couple of months I reasoned that the heat might be easing up (I’d starting talking to myself using that kind of cop-show jargon, it just felt right at the time) and so I turned up back home again with a bristly face. I’d been trying to grow a beard as a disguise but, even after weeks without shaving I looked more like a hairy chicken or maybe one of those sad, wispy orangutans they’re always rescuing from forest fires. Incidentally, are there any other blokes out there over the age of 30 whose beards don’t fucking join up yet? I mean, how old do I have to get before I can grow a beard that doesn’t look like some desperate wispy attempt to prove I’m old enough to buy a drink? Anyway, I can’t give away all my secrets, just in case Rhys sets Interpol on me and I have to go back into hiding. Suffice it to say that, if you’re pretty careful about footprints and keep your DNA under your hat, even Mr Obama finds you very hard to track.

Now that I come to think about it, it occurs to me that Nick Clegg, David Cameron and Hilary Benn might simply have dismissed Rhys’s furious missive as the whirly-brained fantasies of a self-important, tinfoil mentalist. It would certainly explain why I’m still at large.

95 Responses to “Buddy Boy”

on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:17 am Jim'sNipple

I’m the first, aren’t i? AREN’T I????
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:29 am Scaryduck

I’d be very wary of Nick Clegg.

He knows people.

People who’d sneak into your house and shit in your airing cupboard.

Then you’d be laughing on the other side of your face.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:35 am john Adair's Gerbil

Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m 47 and my beard still won’t join up, so I have a trendy goatee that makes me look hip and down with that hood, so I blend in well hiding in urban Chicago hiding off the grid.

It’s all because of a story I wrote once. I won first prize for the Primary 7 competition and a bar of chocolate. And still, the government hunts me to this day.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:50 am Ceannair

I think that email and the subsequent comment may actually be the funniest thing ever.

Funnier even than Catherine Oliver.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:53 am Theodore

I must say that Mr Rhys Jaggar is a very smart man indeed. To be able to tell only from your idiosyncratic turns of phrase and spelling, your style of humour and other cultural references that you are indeed one of our American cousins.
It’s easy to see why the CIA are after him. A mind like his is a dangerous thing to be left unchecked and free to uncover and spread the truths that the Secret World Government are hell-bent on keeping from us.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:53 am Doe, Adair, a female deer

I am an unimportant middle management drone. I shall make my life more interesting this week by telling anyone that disagrees with me in a meeting, “I’m telling Obama on you!”
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:03 am john Adair's Gerbil

No, I’m 48.

It’s the bloody CIA mind controlling satellites affecting the memory that’s the first thing to go. That and the memory affected by the CIA mind controlling satellites.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:10 am The Internet

I’m making this post to thank you for dealing with Rhys and occupying his time, because large parts of us are getting fucking sick of it.

Incidentally, can you do something about Neil Craig? The cunt’s back.

Sincerely,
The Internet
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:10 am piece of Rhys

Why does he think Nelson’s an American Patriot?

I’m asking this fully aware that there is probably no answer available but I’ve got that self- doubting, like-to-check stuff thing (that stops me HYSing)

The only American Nelson I know is Muntz.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:26 am alt-f4

I thought Nelson was French.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:31 am Tom

You’ve got to admire his realism, though.

The Prime Minister? Eh, probably a bit busy dealing with financial stuff to worry about this. The Foreign Secretary? … nah, I want urgent action, and he’s probably off gallivanting in some foreign country, so he won’t get my email for ages. Perhaps the Home Secretary? Oh, actually, no, then I’ll end up on THEIR records. But of course! The Secretary of State for the Environment, Food, and Rural Affairs! He’s bound to help get a website shut down! It’s nothing whatsoever to do with the Environment, Food, or Rural Affairs, therefore he must hate it and want to destroy it!
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:36 am Mr Cat

That letter is a thing of beauty.

Do you get a lot of emails like that from HYSers?

I reckon if you got enough of them you could get them published like creating a “little book of HYS” which has a smattering of the best posts along with extracts from letters. An ideal stocking filler.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:45 am Nelson

I’ve had a few aye. Sometimes people are straight up and say something like “would you mind anonymising it?” which I do. Occasionally I even remove it completely if they ask in a half-sane fashion.

Sometimes they are fucking hilarious though. I got one from someone who had fabricated an “International Internet Authority case number”, presumably after reporting my site to the Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

Oh, Rhys sent another email about 2 minutes after the one above. Hang on, I’ll dig it out.

On my fucking iPhone.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:58 am Rotwatcher

Has anyone ever lost their job as a result of this website? I only ask because I was laughing immoderately at Nelson’s post, and my boss has started digging in the P45 drawer.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:00 pm Rod Wrongnob

Presumably you are equally laudatory of criminals who steal your life’s assets and then bung the insurance company to refuse to pay you a single cent in return??

There must be a story behind this. Like maybe a burglar stole his 12-year old computer with files full of his notes on international conspiracies, he submitted a valuation based on the hours he’d spent making it all up, and the insurance company refused to pay out. He’s just the sort that wouldn’t make a proper backup.

Anyway, why would anyone want to grow a beard unless they were a peedo?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:03 pm Mr Cat

in other news has anyone seen the pharmaramblings of tommytcg who features in the same thread as Rhys (on Nelsons link)?

He appears to have a compulsion to post his theories about diets/healthcare/remedies etc anywhere he can – notbaly the Independent and Express websites.

Here he is on the childrens heart federation website (who goes there????)

people bother to eat in restaurants, even if those places don`t have a history of food poisoning. Probably most restaurants cook using teflon-ware, with their toxic gases and leaked carcinogenic Sudan Black dyes into the food, Use microwave ovens to defrost, warm and heat, so you wouldnt know whether your food had carconogenic radiolytic compounds introduced, had all vitamins destroyed and proteins and enzymes damaged. Chuck in a good measure of MSG to pretend food was correctly spiced. MSG inflames the tongue which allows easy entry for the cancer nucleus and complex to start a malignancy, plus another 20 or so side effects such as arrhythmia and cardiac arrest, (DEATH). Use toxic rapeseed, soy or hydrogentaed oils. I could go on for half a day, but its much easier for me to avoid restaurants, than trust my health to a chef whose knowledge of nutrition in this 3rd millenium remains in the 1950s.

And here he pops up in the Independent comments on funding for medical research charities…

as all these fatal disease have published scientific cures, and better still, preventions, none of which are accepted by mainstream. That acceptance could severely dent billions of pounds in profits. No tears shed for these researchers trying to reinvent the wheel. No I wont give references, nor write a ten thousand word essay, however many insults the paid for Big Farma trolls attack with. The truth is something that is, not something you believe in.

Go Tommy Go Tommy Go Tommy Go
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:04 pm Paul

You don’t happen to know if Clegg, Cameron or Benn emailed back to claim ownership of that domain?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:13 pm Thatcher's Onanism

I’m 34 now and my beard is still shite.

And Rod, you must have missed a meeting: beards are out for paedos, I think they’re back into toupees or some other sick shit.

Beards are the mark of true MEN like Che Guevara (who’s facial output was rather sparse as it happens), not pussies like Clegg, Benn & Cameron (that’s Hilary Benn, not Tony you understand).

Tony Benn should grow a beard. Anyone fancy starting a facebook group to suggest it to him?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:14 pm Nelson

Well, if it’s any consolation, I’m 4748 and my beard still won’t join up

Good to know. I’m 36 and can currently appear to be a fairly normal member of society if I shave the patchy hairs off my face every 10-14 days.

I was last asked for ID when I was 35. I mean, I might look under 30 at a push but under 18?? My mates daughter is only two years away from being 18.

Though really, we’re just waiting for her to hit 17 so she can drive us to the pub.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:23 pm That Bloke in the Corner

American patriotism?

In a Mel Gibson styleee?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:43 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Nelson – have you replied to Rhys? And if so, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease can we see it? I get the feeling that even if you repeatedly told him you’re British, he would still continue with his ‘fuck off back to Americaland’ twatbasketry.

And does he think the rest of us are Americans slagging off the UK? Mmmm, that’s some tasty tinfoil hattery!

BTW, TYF can grow a beard but not sideburns (not that he wants to) – what’s up with that?

My boss is one of my best friends. I get to tell her to go fuck herself regularly and half the time we sit around slagging off slebs and flicking through glossy mags looking at pictures of shoes we can’t afford. What more could you want?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:50 pm That Bloke in the Corner

request that Mr Obama shut your site down

I know he’s like the man that can in yankee land, but does he control the interwebs as well? He really does have his work cut out, what with wars and everything and now he has to deal with Rhys Knackers requests as well.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 12:55 pm Mr Cat

Sometimes they are fucking hilarious though. I got one from someone who had fabricated an “International Internet Authority case number”,

Now that you’ve stopped those complaint log things maybe you could drip feed the ocassional email or letter you get from these people. BUDDY BOY
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:00 pm Kelvin

I got one from someone who had fabricated an “International Internet Authority case number”, presumably after reporting my site to the Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

I remember him, he was awesome. Did he ever reply back?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:04 pm BUDDY BOY

HAND
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:07 pm The Internet

Nelson

Sometimes they are fucking hilarious though. I got one from someone who had fabricated an “International Internet Authority case number”, presumably after reporting my site to the Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

You shouldn’t have ignored it. I have it on good faith that the Secret Internet Service are monitoring you.

You’ll know when they’re close because they’ll send your missus a text at 4am or something.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:12 pm That Bloke in the Corner

You’ll know when they’re close because they’ll send your missus a text at 4am or something.

Then you will know that 1984 has returned for real, or something…..
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:18 pm BUDDY BOY

What sort of experiements do you think he carried out(as a scientist), in order to determine that he would greatly enjoy NOT being monitored?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:19 pm BUDDY BOY

Well???? WHAT EXPERIMENTS????
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:19 pm Agent Cuger Brant

Here at the CIA, we have been monitoring Rhys Jaggar’s brain waves for many a year now, despite his tin-foil hat trickery.
He has been designated as a “Class B Cunt” by the analytic team here. He would have been Class A except he does support Arsenal and not his local team Leeds United.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:43 pm Jesus Chris

Class A cunts support Arsenal.

Just sayin’.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:53 pm Ugeine

At least he can spell. CAN’T HE???
on 01 Dec 2009 at 1:59 pm BUDDY BOY

Sorry for my typo. UNFORGIVABLE?????
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:03 pm Col John Matrix

Hee hee – “Big Farma”. I wonder if he’s found out that a shadowy cabal of farmers and farmers wives secretly suppress cheap cures to disease to keep their shares in Pfizer high?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:03 pm Agent Cuger Brant

Class A cunts support Arsenal.

Just sayin’.

Maybe unofficially, but here at the Agency we have very specific criteria that we adhere to when designating who is a Class A Cunt and who is a Class B Cunt.

Section B12 of the Cunt Manual (3.1) has a full list of UK soccer clubs from which you can cross reference the brain wave scan results to determine how much of a cunt that person is.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:14 pm Christ En Croute

This is the best SYB post ever. Do post us some of the more mental emails, Nelson.

I’m 29 and have recently grown my very first beard. To my great surprise, it joined up.

What I didn’t expect is that I know find myself comparing myself to other bearded men I see, and thinking I’m better if my beard is thicker than theirs.

The envy when it’s not is crushing, though.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:15 pm millie

If you google ‘rhys jaggar SYB’ you get this as your 4th option. I wonder if Rys is the purchaser or the payee?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:34 pm Kelvin

I just had a lovely thought. The adwords price for obscure search terms like “Rhys Jaggar” must be very cheap indeed. You could put a fiver in an adwords account and spoil every vanity search he makes for the next year.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 2:40 pm Mrs E.Norma Stitz

I regularly have fun with tommytcg over at the Indie. Not under this name, so you won’t find me.
If you really, really want to have fun with health loons, may I point you in the direction of ‘google ldn’.
The author of this ‘book’ is up there with Kadir-Buxton.
Nelson, this is your best effort for ooh, days.
I can’t grow a beard coz I have da boobies.
Boobies AND a beard? Interesting.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 3:21 pm My Foot Hurts.

I write to congratulate you on your truly stupendous website, containing as it does an unending smorgasbord of derision, hatred, mirth, crass rudeness and self-certitude of your superior humanity and morality.

I hope he’s including the comments in that: not wishing to step on Nelson’s toes, but I think the commenters deserve at least some of the credit, especially for the crass rudeness bit.

I really, really hope he finds this thread.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 3:47 pm Llanjen

Sorry to be unfunny, but Kelvin, can you explain further? I’m a bit dim about com-puters. I thought you might be saying it would be a good investment. Or would it fill the page with ads for him?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:10 pm Kelvin

If you were to buy the keyphrase “Rhys Jaggar” then your advert would always show up in the blue box at the top of the results when someone searched for that term. So when he searched for his own name the first thing he’d see would be a reminder that we think he’s a knob.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:11 pm Mirthy's law

an unending smorgasbord of derision, hatred, mirth, crass rudeness and self-certitude of your superior humanity and morality

Yes, horrid old mirth.

Gold, frankinsence and mirth seems a less unlikely combination somehow
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:12 pm alt-f4

What exactly is a beard that isn’t “joined up” anyway?

Shouting at bosses: I had my lawyer shout at one of mine. Or rather, the lawyer told me what I should shout. The criteria I set was that this boss, who was a prick, needed to be left in now doubt that he was being told to go fuck himself. And I required it to be conveyed in a professional manner based upon the exact wording of the “I’m quit, asshole” clause in the contract. The email of resignation, sent not to him but to HR, went something like, “Notice. Clause 27b/6 of contract no 67465 of the 18th of the 6th as amended on the 17th of the 7th is now in effect”.

To my delight, and after handing in my appropriately worded notice at the psychologically best time, this boss slapped his little hand on his desk and spluttered, “but you are telling me to fuck off”.

“Well”, I said, “I wouldn’t have worded it so crduely, but yes I am, and there is nothing you can do about it”.

I figure, if you’re going to quit, you may as well do so with elan.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:13 pm Jones

you are the first to feed beggars on the street, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU??

I like to think that when Rhys repeats his questions he stops typing and starts shaking the monitor, pressing his forehead into it and shrieking the question at an ever increasing pitch.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:16 pm Kelvin

I would love to know how David Cameron’s office replied to Rhys’ various emails. Some politely worded variation on “go away you nutjob” would be my guess.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:18 pm Mr Poo

I think what Nelson is suggesting is that someone buy a google adwords account, and using it to “sell” products based on the search phrase “Rhys Jaggar” and / or variations thereon.

Thus, when the inimitable M. Jaggar makes his daily interwubs search to see what people have been saying about him, the top hit is always, always a site dedicated to ripping the piss out of him.

Personally, I’d tend to do it for “Cuger Brant”, and link it to a site dedicated to rude anagrams of his name.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:19 pm Kelvin

I think what Nelson is suggesting

He is? That wanker stole my idea!
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:23 pm lord_sidcup

Rhys must have seen the page header “If you love Iraq so much.. why don’t you go live there?”, failed to realise it was parody, and decided ‘Nelson’ is a ultra-rightwing American warmonger. An interesting and crazy variant on Poe’s law:

http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law

Hilary Benn is an MP for Leeds. Rhys lives in Leeds and probably emails to Benn every time he is slighted on the Internet, in the street, or at home by his mum.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:36 pm Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

We have noticed that respondants to your witty comments on the nations fuckwits are using the letter H too often.

If we do not see a 17% reduction in H use, we will have no option but to shut this site down.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:37 pm Nelson

@sidcup: Ah, good spot.

Something tells me that the inboxes of public figures all over the world are littered with unread emails from Rhys Jaggar.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:53 pm Llanjen

Thanks Kelvin! That’s a brillz/skillz idea.

Nelson, great post. Keep em coming.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 4:57 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@Lord High Commissioner of the Internet, How did you get the job? Was it advertised? Did RHys create you from his foetid imagination?, is there sometHing subversive about the letter H? Do you know Obama? THere are lot’s of tHings I would love to know about your job. Can you tell wHere a person lives from tHeir e-mail address? Do you work in a secret underground bunker? Can you monitor people even if they are wearing tin foil Hats? If so is there a specific brand tHat can block your monitoring? Can you Have a word with Neil Craig? Can you cut any contact to tHe outside world from a certain person in Hull? Have I used too many H’s?
on 01 Dec 2009 at 5:13 pm Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

Lord High Commissioner of the Internet, How did you get the job? Was it advertised?

it’s a hereditary position which was first held by my great great great great great great great great great grandfather in 1723 when the internet was invented.

It was all horse powered back then. In 1817 it was converted to steam then in 1926 an electric motor was installed and the steam engine was sent to an engine retirement home.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 5:16 pm Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

And don’t worry about using too many of the letter H. We have just had a new batch delivered. Quite nice they are too. Hand carved out of cheddar cheese by trained gorillas.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 5:40 pm Mr Poo

Oh, cockdribbles. Yes, I meant Kelvin.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 5:51 pm LaxtonsSuperb

http://www.facebook.com/friends/?id=627832946

Makes sense
on 01 Dec 2009 at 5:57 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@LaxtonsSuperb, that’s worse than my faeces book entry, but yes it does confirm many theories.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 6:49 pm funny peculiar

I do hope Rhys turns up in person to give us a piece of his mind. That would be bliss! He would make a worthy addition to SYB’s trophy cabinet of bagged loonies.

A quick glance at the net shows that he’s left pieces of his mind all over the place. It might explain some of his rather jagged and jumpy conclusions.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 7:12 pm occident

Is the “buddy boy……..” at the end of the e-mail him signing off? If so, then that coupled with the aw-jeez-I-have-it-so-hard-at-work stuff suggests to me that this guy is Jack Lemmon in “The Apartment.”
on 01 Dec 2009 at 7:37 pm Clovis Sangrail

First there was Prof Neil, then there was Andy Kadir-Buxton, then there was Cuger Brant and now,laydeez n’ gennelmen…Rhys Jagger!!!! Ah, I fuckin’ LOVE this site, makes me all warm inside.
And at the risk of showing off – I could grow a more or less perfect beard from the age of twenty, all joined up, smooth and a luxurious deep brown in colour. Now age is beginning to lay its wrinkly hand upon me I have begun to notice elegant silver strands in it that give it a noble look. And it grows in about three days so I can shave it off, grow it when Mrs Sangrail is away etc etc. Just sayin’ -smug-
on 01 Dec 2009 at 9:04 pm Felix Castor

And it’s a brave person who resigned the previous job to challenge a new boss in under a year. And they will know that.

Furthermore it’s a massive cocked sex god who’s brave enough to quote this on SYB. And they will be aware of the same.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 9:15 pm funny peculiar

And we mustn’t forget 1984ReturnsForReal‘s 5-star paranoid performance with his shrill threats to call the police for texting his pregnant wife in the middle of the night.

4.42am, I believe it was. Ahhhh, good times… good times.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 9:38 pm Kelvin

First there was Prof Neil

Actually I don’t think we’ve ever had an article about Neil Craig on the site. He showed up randomly in the comments accusing Nelson of working for the BBC (he should get in touch with Rhys, they could have the world’s least competent detective agency) and it all snowballed from there. I think we ended up with 200 comments from him, all complaining that he couldn’t comment here because of the censorship.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 9:40 pm Kelvin

In fact if I remember right he showed his face here about the same time we were patiently explaining how the internet works to 1984RFR by calling him a massive retarded goat scrotum. Neil saw that 1984RFR was getting some attention and thought “I could have some of that!” and the rest is history. Badly written, scientifically inaccurate, politically inept and paranoid history, but history nonetheless.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 9:53 pm For I am a hairy man.

My beard is chuffing rampant and gets more so each year. It is aggresively colonising various facial orifices and is making a determined push for the upper slopes of my cheekbones.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 10:07 pm Jesus Chris

Ah yes, 4.42am.

I remember it well, because it was 5.42pm here when I unleashed the robot hoards of texting.

My beard, by the way, is awesome. But then, it would be.

Lord High Commissioner of the Internet.

And don’t worry about using too many of the letter H. We have just had a new batch delivered. Quite nice they are too. Hand carved out of cheddar cheese by trained gorillas.

Do you have a spare one for this place? They’re getting awfully pissed off over the lack of or inclusion of an H, so any help they can get from the internet that isn’t the type of help that calls the mayor a prick would be helpful.
on 01 Dec 2009 at 11:26 pm Hootie McBoob

The interwebs make me feel distressed and very, very tired
on 02 Dec 2009 at 1:20 am History Crow

I’m rather fond of the idea of the SYB trophy cabinet. We’ll keep any stray HYSers in cold storage, a bit like one of Zelda’s monsters from ‘Terrahawks’.
on 02 Dec 2009 at 3:41 am Mr Tickle

@Bit Special -

“My boss is one of my best friends. I get to tell her to go fuck herself regularly and half the time we sit around slagging off slebs and flicking through glossy mags looking at pictures of shoes we can’t afford. What more could you want?”

Ooh, is this a quiz? I reckon it’s the shoes.
on 02 Dec 2009 at 5:09 pm handwringing liberal

Rhys is on form today. This from the Telegraph:

I am very sorry, Mr Moore, it is not acceptable to state that only members of the Establishment have credentials. They have power-and-influence-winning credentials. There is no correlation, nor has there even been in history, between influence/power and accurate portrayal of evidence. As you well know.

It is of course important to attack the pillars of the current Establishment if you wish it to topple.

But it is equally reprehensible so to do if all you will do is replace it with the same rubbish populated by different warlords.

I hope that all the politicians who appear to read my writings at this and other weblogs do not consider my views to be part of a ‘lunatic fringe’. It would be most imprudent of them to do so……

I may not be sexually attractive, I may not have amassed a sizeable fortune, but sadly for me, I did, by the age of 18, appear to be capable of influencing those in authority. I did not ask the Governors of my school to ask my opinions in the interview-phase of one of the key leaving prize selection processes. But they seemed to implement my ideas over the next five years.

I did not wish to be born in this country, nor did I expect people who have never lived abroad to accept that this country has been, all my life, a basket case in terms of political organisation, public sector efficiency or political probity. It is neither unacceptable to point this out nor acceptable to be ostracised for so doing. Since there can be no pleasure in accepting hamburgers when you know what steak tastes like….

I did not wish to be become a campaigner on most issues. But there comes a time when you say: ‘do I watch this bunch of hoodlums commit grand larceny or do I stand up and fight?’ That refers both to investment bankers and green politicians, to Iraq-mongers and to African Presidents with Swiss Bank Accounts. And I suspect, to the silently moving movers-and-shakers behind the increasingly murky worlds of professional sports…..

Not for me, you see, the destiny of Downing Street. No wife you see. And I am sufficiently humane, unlike others, not to submit others to the effects of the fates handed to me in the pursuit of power, unless I am capable of engaging in the partnership as a joy, not yet another duty of outdated empire-style orders.

That’s the joy of the internet, you see. You can express your views and no-one will take any notice of them unless they have cogency.

It’s an honest forum of debate at the moment.

I wonder how long it will be before the Green marauders see control of the internet as their next rapacious conquest??

Since we seem to be resembling East Germany under the Stasi more and more with each passing year, don’t we??

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/charlesmoore/6706761/Nigel-Lawson-on-climate-change-Saving-the-planet-will-be-the-real-disaster.html
on 02 Dec 2009 at 5:12 pm Jane

Is this guy Adrian Mole in disguise?
on 02 Dec 2009 at 7:03 pm Retired Colonel

If SYB lasts a thousand years, they will say “this was their finest hour”. (and some kind of bonus points go to [b]handwringing liberal[/b] for the Telegraph find. Given that the only obstacle between Rhys and the position of Prime Minister seems to be the lack of a wife, you’d have thought he would have opted for a mail-order bride by now – pull your bloody finger out, Jaggar!
on 02 Dec 2009 at 7:04 pm Retired Colonel

I fail at code. No wife, you see.
on 02 Dec 2009 at 8:40 pm Kelvin

Well then who are we supposed to text at 4:42am?
on 02 Dec 2009 at 11:15 pm Jesus Chris

I started laughing when I got to this bit:

I may not be sexually attractive, I may not have amassed a sizeable fortune, but sadly for me, I did, by the age of 18, appear to be capable of influencing those in authority.

Then I laughed a little harder when I got to this bit:

But there comes a time when you say: ‘do I watch this bunch of hoodlums commit grand larceny or do I stand up and fight?’ That refers both to investment bankers and green politicians, to Iraq-mongers and to African Presidents with Swiss Bank Accounts. And I suspect, to the silently moving movers-and-shakers behind the increasingly murky worlds of professional sports…

But then I pissed myself when I got the first line of the next paragraph:

Not for me, you see, the destiny of Downing Street. No wife you see.

…because Ted Heath wasn’t married either, so that either means that Heath was the exception that proves the rule, or that Rhys is…

That’s the joy of the internet, you see. You can express your views and no-one will take any notice of them unless they have cogency.

It’s an honest forum of debate at the moment.

I wonder how long it will be before the Green marauders see control of the internet as their next rapacious conquest??

…yeah. He’s just a lion’s labia.
on 02 Dec 2009 at 11:33 pm random punter

Jane

Is this guy Adrian Mole in disguise?

coffee-spitting moment…..

Is your real name Pandora, by any chance?
on 03 Dec 2009 at 3:00 am Ben C Rugrat

I hope that all the politicians who appear to read my writings at this and other weblogs do not consider my views to be part of a ‘lunatic fringe’. It would be most imprudent of them to do so……

I read this and hear Dr Evil’s voice..
on 03 Dec 2009 at 3:40 am millie

…yeah. He’s just a lion’s labia.

That’s far too majestic to be a pejorative term.
on 03 Dec 2009 at 4:09 am Jesus Chris

How about a leprous lion’s labia? Or a lion’s leprous labia. Although I intend that the lion be leprous, if the lion were leprous then undoubtedly the labia would be leprous. Eventually, at any rate.
on 03 Dec 2009 at 6:41 am Theodore

I’m sure we’ve seen this before but just to refresh memories:

(There are some tough young Britishers still to be found:- they go abroad as soon as they can, because Britain chokes them; they seek out risk and adventure, and they do not, ever, permit their Mummys to burden them with a satellite location device . . .)

Ah yes…….I was one of those many years ago – if you count Scotland as ‘overseas’……

You would be amazed at the lengths the loony left would go to undermine that kind of activity……

And amazed yet more at the stepwise emasculation that it caused……….yes I climbed all the Munros, did some rock climbing and ice climbing before the put-downs, the coldness, the clinginess brought its toll….oh and the absolute refusal over 10 years to even buy you one balaclava, one map case, one compass or the like. Not even �5. For someone they apparently ‘loved’. Really supportive that, eh?

But I ended it with a firm sense of worthlessness associated with knowing that what your family wanted from you was a suitably massive erection in front of a suitably attractive woman despite never having grown up emotionally through risk-taking and thereby discovering how, in life, you were going to find the meaning that would render the understanding of self sufficient to relate effectively with another and leading on to feeling that the sacrifices of parenthood were worthwhile ………

I’ve not met too many fairly physically average specimens who spent 9-13 increasingly away from competitive sport to learn music with aging spinsters (at which they were not sufficiently good to attain praise from the professionals), spent 13 – 18 in a school away from the female sex (and who hence did girlie things in middle childhood and was in the presence of boys in adolescence), who emerged into adulthood with the requisite experiences to achieve the desired result…..

But hey: loony left doctrines never consider holistic child development in a sex-specific way, do they?

Because if they did, they’d realise that on the fringes they’ll develop hyper-aggressive me-me-me wimmin faced with demoralised wimps who don’t need the brewer to generate the infamous droop…..

And believe you me, having experienced the proper way overseas, I can tell you that it was not inborn in me, it was INCULCATED. You can live life in black and white in loony left city, but still switch to colour by just going somewhere sane. I did, the only sadness was that I had to come back after 12 months (which was enough, however to light a spark which led to my foreign adventure in Scotland a few years later).

That’s the true loony left crime……….not recognising the opportunity to rectify mistakes, subliminally believing that the (incorrect) theory is more important that the human evidence before your eyes….no ‘you seem so much more confident, so much more relaxed, so much happier over there. If there was any way to arrange it, would you like to go back for longer?’ How hard was that to ask, eh? It’s not a question with any loading for the asker, it’s merely seeking information to guide decision-making………not asked though.

And you know what, I don’t think I’m worth any war-like epitaph on the lines of ‘he died so that others might live’, unless of course I become a footnote in history of how this nation finally recognised the key issues concerning life, the difference between teaching and parenting etc etc etc……..

Not that I believe that thugs should be allowed to undermine those who create privately without any need to compete with others………

Because that is competition gone too far. Destruction for destruction’s own sake.

For which the punishment should be robustly corporal……….

and the icing on the cake:

Rhys Jagger- what on earth is that last post about??

Very odd
on 03 Dec 2009 at 9:18 am Mr Cat

That is absolutely mind boggling. If the internet could get injunctions then that would seal the deal. That, right there. The absolutely insane ramblings of a very very messed up brain
on 03 Dec 2009 at 10:53 am Ben C Rugrat

The absolutely insane ramblings of a very very messed up brain

He is a total fuck-up.

A couple of days ago I came across a post of his in one of the many blogs and forums he haunts in which he appears to be inciting acts of terrorism against environmentalists. I must try to find it again.
on 03 Dec 2009 at 12:07 pm millie

I think I may have met this bloke. His excuse was that he was vey vey pished. But I suspect he’d be equally obnoxious sober.

@JC
Definitely leprous lion’s labia. (Eeuw, the thought of that is about as effective as a spoonful of saltpeter.)
on 03 Dec 2009 at 12:10 pm Rufus T Firefly

Not for me, you see, the evolution to an omnipotent, disembodied super-intelligence. No wife you see.
on 03 Dec 2009 at 5:29 pm Bolli

Hilary Benn is also Cabinet Minister for DEFRA. Perhaps Rhys is a mad cow?
on 03 Dec 2009 at 5:57 pm Schroduck

what your family wanted from you was a suitably massive erection

Thank fuck I’m not in Rhys’s family then.
on 03 Dec 2009 at 9:11 pm Ben C Rugrat

..a suitably massive erection in front of a suitably attractive woman..

His family were grooming him as a potential flasher? No wonder he’s gaga.
on 04 Dec 2009 at 12:26 am Jesus Chris

I worked it out. Start slowly, build to a scream by the end of each paragraph. Cough slightly, look at your feet, then start the next paragraph slowly.

Shorter paragraphs should be spat out through one’s teeth.

I reckon that’s pretty much exactly how Rhys does it.
on 04 Dec 2009 at 11:56 am Every time you blah a message, Tiger Woods gets a 9-Iron in his face

Did you know that when you enter Rhys jag into Google… the auto complete generates “Rhys Jaggar 216,000 results”

He’s a busy twat isn’t he?
on 06 Dec 2009 at 8:30 am Arseington

I am staggered, and slightly scared…

I have this nasty vision of being in a pub with the girlfriend when suddenly our attention is drawn to a haggard, slightly smelly man at the corner table staring into his half drunk pint, stroking his rough grey beard with wizend, knarled hands, and mumbling this monologue to himself wondering where on earth it all went wrong for him.
on 07 Dec 2009 at 12:16 am Dougal

[blockquote]“Notice. Clause 27b/6 of contract no 67465 of the 18th of the 6th as amended on the 17th of the 7th is now in effect”.[/blockquote]

Kudos for the David Thorne reference, incidentally.
on 07 Dec 2009 at 12:16 am Dougal

Bastard blockquotes.
on 07 Dec 2009 at 2:25 pm mickey finn

So Nelson is american? Positively, I had thought this site to be English, now I shall have to fall into my sword, thanks a lot
on 07 Dec 2009 at 3:32 pm Kelvin

If your sword is that easy to fall into you should probably erect some netting across its opening. Health and Safety, like.

"If you love Iraq so much..
why don't you go live there?"

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Iraq so much.. why don't you go live there?"

95 Responses to “Buddy Boy”

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"If you love Iraq so much..
why don't you go live there?"