Thanks, Emma. Thanks a bunch.
Asa man I cannot understand why a man would want to hit a woman and despise the men that do.
Being Naive Re battered wives, why do they not leave or escape and why does the justice system not punish the evil men. I realise there are refuges for battered women and I admire them and hope they are funded, it’s a shame that they have to exist in today’s society.May I suggest an alternative punishment instead of prison.
These are valliant men who want to fight but the silly little woman doesn’t want to play.
Give them the fight that they want, fights (bare hands as per life) could be arranged between the husbands etc and the local fighters in approved venues.
The opponent would have to be an uneven match as in bigger like the situations they like.
Any money raised would go to victims and refuges, the men get their release and sport and the women can see how it’s done and have no further contact.
I suspect Human Rights might get involved here but believe it could work.
Arkley Barnet, Still here
I used to love watching the bare-knuckle fighting down the community centre on Saturdays, which was always traditionally beatings night round here.
Course, some twat rang Human Rights, didn’t they? Fuckers come and closed it down, you know what they’re like, in their big purple van with their spotty uniforms and them scrolls they carry around with them.
So the husbands had to go back to valiantly beating their silly little women on Saturday nights, the local fighters were at a loose end again, running round causing trouble, and the women’s refuge just out of town gets repossessed and auctioned off – which was a real shame, because they’d just had a big refurb, conservatory, cable installed, water slide, all of that. The Misogynist Institute meets there now.
61 Responses to “Local Fighters”
If your comment was here you’d be first by now, you silly little women!
We did not rear a nation of monsters. We did not try to invade Poland or seize the silk routes. Did we get any thanks for this? No, we did not.
No Jan. And we didn’t go round shelling those funny little people in China until they’d buy our opium either, did we?
Cock a locking block quotes. Now I’ve made myself look like a cockroach’s clacker.
Possibly the biggest load of bollocks in the world.
If Carlsberg made utter wank (and they do, I’ve had the misfortune to drink it), it would be that post.
Sigh, what a wearisome whale’s wankstick. A fraction of a point for admitting naivety, minus a thousand for wearing it like a medal.
Bet he thinks that Street Fighter is a documentary.
First rule of HYS is don’t talk about HYS.
And the women can see how it’s done? Normally they’d have their eyes shut and be screaming stop hitting me presumably? Now they can see hubby was hitting me pretty hard but we all feel better about it because he’s hitting another repressed mummys boy? Yeah that’d be so sweet, you should be a majistrate.
As a Feminist (and pedant), can I just say: RRRRRRRRAAAAAHHGHGHRRRAAGHGHGHGAAAAGHGHGHGHAAAGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [shakes tiny ineffectual fists in air, bangs delicate head repeatedly against keyboard]
This is the only possible reaction to the whole of Arkley’s impressively abject cretinism. No point in even attempting to explain how he’s wrong… just: RRRRRRRRAAAAAHHGHGHRRRAAGHGHGHGAAAAGHGHGHGHAAAGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Well, at least it’s not the usual HYS line on domestic violence which would be more like
I think I would like to see the policy expanded – convicted husband-beaters could be forced to do naked mud wrestling. Although, I suppose it depends on the aesthetic nature of the participants.
Also, I wonder just how long it will be before Jan Moir forgets the wank-bag she’s just thrown onto my internet window and demands that happy-slapping is stopped by teaching kids violence against others is wrong…
Arkley, due to having very limited writing skills, has made himself look like more of a twat than he actually is.
I think he was being sarcastic here but was rather unsuccessful at putting this across. So I don’t think he is a sexist in the “don’t worry your pretty little head about it” kind of way.
However, in the rest of his post, he eventually managed to show himself to be a massive cunt.
Cripes, I didn’t expect that. Nothing prepared me for that. It’s how well thought out people’s utter stupidity is that’s scary.
Oh god, just noticed the word Valiant.
Like they are Knights of Olde.
Deary me.
I read it like that too, Theodore.
Easy. Just use the example which Al Murray’s Pub Landlord character uses:
“I believe women should earn the same as men…. that’s why I let them work longer hours”.
Carla Bruni has the right idea. Marry a little man and he’ll be less likely to hit you. (Or better still, marry a small woman with tiny ineffectual fists.)
Er…this may not be a popular view but I think, in his own rubbish way, our man here is attempting irony and should therefore be pilloried for incompetence rather than utter personal twattishness.
No @cc, the man should be pilloried full stop, just for being. There must be an amoeba somewhere that can make more use of Arkley’s 1 brain cell. There are no terms good enough to describe this pinnacle of arseholedness.
Oh crap, I’ve just realised that the story has come from a Jan Moir article,and I had to read it, and now I am suffering from DailyHeilbrainmush. Please no more, I was having a lovely day off as well-must think happy thoughts,must think happy thoughts.
Go Arkley. If you are sufficiently right-on about Issues like this in the comments section of the Daily Fail, you WILL get a shag. FACT.
I’m afraid my mental health has barely recovered from reading Stephen Glover’s article “I’m not homophobic (yeah right) but Jan Moir was right all along about Stephen Gately dying from gay” in last week’s Daily Hate.
My lord. I actually read some of the article. Would it be unethical for me to wish that Jan Moir wakes up in the night to find her face being savaged by a band of randy badgers who’ve mistaken her mouth for the gaping, pus-spewing cunthole that it so closely resembles?
Not quite sure why this chap has attracted quite so much vitriol.
OK, he’s a bit of a DM idiot, highlighted by his not understanding why abused partners can’t just leave, and by the use of ‘Human Rights’.
However, the suggestion that wife-beaters are cowardly arseholes who could do with a proper beating at the hands of a professional boxer twice their size is definitely on the Good And Righteous Ironic Justice Win side of the spectrum.
(and if you can’t work out that his post is meant to be sarcastic, then you’re even more of a fucking idiot than he is. Which is ‘distinctly’).
Having referred this to the ethics committee, the conclusion is, no, so wish away Chris.
Steady on there, we badgers prefer nice badger-bits.
If this is your first night of fight club, YOU HAVE TO FIGHT!(your wife)
Obviously. I’ve just finished telling my little one that women who stick fireworks up dogs’ arses are wrong, and now he hates all women.
Whereas,I’ve just been telling my children that Jan Moir is an evil, hatemongering demon from hell sent to drag us all down into the foetid shitpool of moronic bigotry that is her demesne and now they believe that all Mail hacks are evil, hatemongering demons from hell etc.
Result.
@Chris Taylor
Sorry, but I don’t think your website is as funny as Silent Koala’s.
“Snaking and isolas of localized states in bistable discrete lattices” – not exactly going to have them rolling in the ailes, is it? Try dropping in a few jokes at the beginning to lighten the mood.
(Seriously – WTF? My brain failed at the abstract)
What a great idea, Arkley is a criminal legislation reformer in the making. They could do the same thing for rapists as well.
Fuck me backwards. Just read Jan Moir’s article and the most amazing thing is not the rancid string of rat jizz that she’s spewed on the page, but the most recommended comments.
Take a look at the most recommended and they are commendably sensible and balanced. In, yes, the Daily Heil.
Now go over to Comment is Free on the Guardian and dip a toe into the stagnant pool of spittle-flecked bigotry there.
Either I’ve got my ideas about the readership of both papers arse about face, or there’s an interesting theory; Guardian readers let off steam by commenting like tiny-wangered BNP twatbaskets, whilst Daily Mail bigots occasionally have to let a bit of sandal-wearing liberal steam off to keep from imploding with rage over the latest “Asylum Seekers Stole My Gold-Top” headline.
Discuss.
I think it’s that you’re more likely to write about something you disagree with than something you like (it’s why a lot of online reviews will get a ton of 5 star ratings, since it’s just a click, but a fair swipe of review comments will be “this was shit”).
Interested to see that comments are no longer being accepted for that article…
@Dubs
Blimey, I’ve just read the comments to a Daily Vomit article and apart from the few predictble ‘domestic violence is all women’s fault really’ posts, I ended up feeling somewhat better about the world. Who’d have thunk it?
I don’t want to live in this world anymore.
SYB defending (albeit with a small ‘d’), the Daily Heil, the Gurinad readers going all Nick Griffin is luverly. This is not a world I can live in, next we will be bobbing round John Adair’s with Neily for tea and cake and a good old chinwag.
I know I had a fair few last night, but did I wake up in a parallel universe this morning? Am I being brainwashed? has 1984returnedforreal?
But then I read something like this and sink back into my usual gloom…
Still, it’s good to know that when drunk, stoned seven year-olds are getting buggered they know to get the peado to wear a condom.
@TBitc
To help you feel better (or possibly much much worse) here’s more evidence that the true cuntish voice of the Daily Mail reader is not going entirely unexpresed.
Yeah, those fucking evil women, they’ll beat you up and rape and murder your kids given half a chance. Not only that, they laugh at you, don’t they Paul? Think you’re a creep, don’t they? You’ll show them one day, once you get your gun licence back, you’re thinking about it know, cock in hand, bang, bang, bang, spurt, spurt. I do hope you’re going to clear that up.
WARNING! SERIOUS COMMENTS BELOW!
Actually, this would not be a win – domestic violence perpetrators (this includes women beating men and same-sex relationship violence) terrorise their partners and family because they need someone to take their pathetic feelings of inadequacy and imagined sense of being hard done-to out on. Being publicly humiliated and hurt by other men would just make them escalate their violence and make the whole thing worse for the victims. ‘Give them a taste of their own medicine’ is the worst thing you could do and ranks top alongside ‘why don’t women just leave?’ in the Woeful Inability To Understand The Situation stakes.
I apologise for being all humourless and serious an’ shiz – I used to work in a Women’s Shelter. I realise Arkley was trying – and failing – to be ironic. But he still makes me go RAAHHHGHGHHAAGHGHGHGH, etc.
BTW, am I alone in suspecting that Jan Moir is actually someone like Charlie Brooker using a pseudonym to see how far they can go with that shit before someone calls their bluff? I need to believe this is true; the alternative is too horrific to cope with.
Adding to Arkley’s comment: They should give the men claw hammers for the fight and then at the end of the fight they should release them and five minutes later set the dogs on them!
All right ladies, settle down. Bit more shush, little less peep. Trying to concentrate on me CiF thread.
Did anyone else have a slight Finbarr Saunders moment when reading this? SNURK!
Unfortunately I think that by “valliant” he just meant “violent”. Ah well.
Good to see that weary has got to crux of the matter – bloody nulabore nanny state!
My big problem with his scheme is that it doesn’t seem to explain what we should do with women who abuse their male partners. By the same logic we should put them in the ring and have a bigger woman knock seven shades of shit out of them. But what if there isn’t an industrial foam machine and sixteen gallons of KY Jelly on hand?
As always, Kelvin has seen the fatal flaw in the ramblings of a prize twatbasket. (Arkley’s. Not mine).
Jan Moir is right about one thing. There was no such thing as domestic violence before the Feminazis came along with their modern ideas in the 60s.
Before that, there were only manners and tea with the vicar. No-ne was raped, beaten or abused when everyone had to wear a hat in public.
I expect the feminists are also responsible for people dying of gay too.
And on a more serious note: I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. Why didn’t I leave or escape? Because he threatened to kill me if I left and I believed him capable of it. When someone holds a knife to your throat and says that on several occassions – you tend to believe them.
Fortunately I got out ok. Not everyone is so lucky.
Is it ethically wrong to read Jan Moir’s article? I clicked on the link and now I feel dirty – as though I’ve unwittingly supported the cow, and the decision to hire her, by adding to the hits that article, and the daily mail in general, receives.
@Mal
I suspect Paul is trying to add a bit of balance to – well, I’m not actually sure what he’s responding to. Jan Moir’s article, presumably. (I didn’t sully myself any further by reading it.)
And you can only balance out a screaming, hate-filled etc etc. with more of the same
I seem to remember that Moir had a regular gig producing a weekly slab of vacuous shite in the Observer magazine years ago. The paper never really recovered from that, it just got fatter (rather like JM)..
I’m not fucking reading Jan Moir. I didn’t even read what she said about that lad from Boyzone. I just got all outraged about it and complained to the PCC.
Similarly, I’m only ever reading the headlines and half of the standfirst on news articles online before rushing down to make my ill-judged comments and present my dilemmas, the responses to which are found in the text I didn’t bother to read.
I’m also starting to argue heavily about serious matters on YouTube videos of cats saying “hello”, and I’m making comments on the internet that address the Prime Minister directly, and checking my email every few minutes for a personal reply.
Now excuse me, I have to complete my Viagra order from this Canadian Pharmacy, and a new debate has just popped up on HYS.
I’m not going to read the debate, I’m just going to skim for certain keywords: “immigration”, “tax”, “Iraq” and “Gordon Brown”, for instance. When I’ve collected enough of these keywords in the dim forefront of my consciousness, I’m going to rattle out a formulaic reply that involves repetitive puns on key figures that generally hold some kind of responsibility (McBroon, ZaNu Liarbore, etc.) and suggests that the answers to today’s problems would be to vote for a minority party on the right.
It’s much easier to participate in online communities when you don’t really have to engage at all beyond varying the content of your replies based on the keyword formula, and thus when you don’t have to debate, discuss or change your views. I find my system protects me from realising that I’m wrong and having to question my fundamental ignorance over the most trivial of matters, which adds to my self confidence.
And I need self confidence, because as a pensioner/unemployed burger flipper/BNP shill, I’m much maligned by the general population every day, or at least I feel that way.
@ Jesus Chris
Dude, sometimes when you get like this I just don’t know what to say. Have a cup of tea?
Maybe read Silent Koala’s blog – everyone seems to love it, and if you don’t you can get angry about that too.
Hope you feel better soon.
Hugs xxx
Hey! I was liking Silent Koala WAY before ANYONE else!
Now this is more like it,messages from the dead.Looks like there is interwebs after death (funny, didn’t see that bit in the bible-is that how Paul mithered the Corinthians?).
To whom it may concern.
Please note that the interweb will be switched off today at around 11:00 for three hours for essential maintenace.
Our twatbasket filters need replacing and the mains lead has got a bit worn out but we have a spare one which was left over when we threw out our old kettle. I think that one will fit o.k.
We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.
Actually, that will be maintenance, not maintenace.
@The Interweb, is the spell check getting an overhaul as well? 11 is fine for me though,I’ll have an early lunch.
Yeah, you certainly never got kids coming in to school covered in bruises from head to toe in the 60s. Likewise domestic violence.
Our street was like WWE:Rawreturnsforreal. Fair do’s to our next door neighbour, she pushed him down the stairs and broke his leg. Sadly, something my mother never managed to do to my prick of a step-father.
Yez. Ther spellink cheker iz gettingt an overhall ass wel.
I think that’s a great idea. Long jail sentences just cost the taxpayer and make things worse.
Wait a minute, that’s just some half wit trying to be funny on the internet. WTF? Is that what this site’s about now?
Piss poor effort, IMO.
I am pleased to report that the interweb is operational again after today’s maintenance programme.
And we painted it a nice shade of primrose yellow too.
We’re very sorry but that might make the interweb inaccessible to some of our dyslexic, one-legged, lesbian, immigrant readers. Please can you paint it gunmetal grey. Wait, no, not gunmetal grey, plough-share metal grey. Just to annoy Mr Griffin.