Curtain Twitchers and Racists15 Dec 2009 01:36 pm
By Alex

You know that guy down the road? The guy whose curtains are usually drawn, but who you know is there because the front garden is impeccable? The smaller kids run past his house, the older ones dare each other to touch the front door? Well, what do you reckon his screen name is?

In places like Croydon, where I live, the chances are that one’s neighbours speak a different language, and all of their friends will be from “their” community, not mine, a member of the indigenous English, who apparently HAVE no “community” in this city.

Croy boy, Croydon, United Kingdom

I have it on good authority that there is a thriving whites-exclusive community in Croydon. They just haven’t told you because even racists find you self-righteous, whiny and tedious.

No, I’ve made no effort to get to know my neighbours in the 6 years I’ve lived where I am now. And why should I? I don’t actually have anything in common with them other than a postcode.

Ryan B, Glasgow

You should try and befriend them. Seriously. However bad it seems at the time, I can guarantee it will hurt them far more than it hurts you.

We live in an age of Neighbours from hell. Quite apart from the young, people are, on the whole, wrapped up in their miserable little worlds, listening to iPods or chatting inanely on their mobile phones. There are no basic manners eg acknowledging one another’s presence by a simple greeting, let alone build a sense of Community.

ian cheese, london, United Kingdom

I know what you mean about neighbours from hell. Mine are just as bad. Every time I look in through their window – which is several times a day I should add – there they are, yakking away, to each other or on some kind of phone, watching TV or listening to music on headphones or through speakers. Does no-one make time for the internet in this sad day and age?

Maybe a lot of us can’t speak our neighbours language to get to know them?.

Wobblybob, Hull

From what I gather on HYS, learning a foreign language to near-native standard is piss-easy if you’re foreign and it’s English. So maybe “a lot of us” should get off his fat white arse and learn it then. Failing that, you could always resort to sign language. First point your thumb backwards at yourself, then, your fingers held flat at right-angles to your palms, stretch your arms out to the side completely, next point at your backside, and finally make a little ‘o’ sign with finger and thumb. Do that, or alternatively just show them your face, and they’ll get the message.

76 Responses to “Curmudgeon”

  1. on 15 Dec 2009 at 1:57 pm alt-f4

    I don’t actually have anything in common with them other than a postcode.

    If you don’t like your postcode why don’t you go live in another one?

    While you’re trying to avoid admitting it’s because you can’t afford to, here’s a partial list of things you also have in common with those who share your postcode:

    The same streets and local transportation.
    The same income bracket.
    The same local shops and businesses.
    The same landlord, or mortgage terms.
    The same local authorities to deal with.
    The same schools for your bastard spawn to attend.
    The same exposure to local crime.
    The same projected contempt for your peers in order to avoid coming to terms with the pig’s ear you’ve made of your own life.

  2. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:01 pm Joe

    Since Labour came to power I have to work a 14 hour day to pay the tax, I ocasionally see my neighbours either going to or coming from work. On a week end I go binge drinking to forget the last week and the coming one.
    In the Golden Thatcher Years I used to have 3 holidays abroad, new TV / Car / PC etc. and enough left over to buy savings PEP/ TESSA but alas to maintain my living standards all have now been cashed in, to top all Brown has wrecked my pension, I work to survive, not live.

    Fed Up Of High Tax, London

    Ha! You don’t drink enough.

  3. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:05 pm therika

    Since Labour came to power I have to work a 14 hour day to pay the tax, I ocasionally see my neighbours either going to or coming from work. On a week end I go binge drinking to forget the last week and the coming one.
    In the Golden Thatcher Years I used to have 3 holidays abroad, new TV / Car / PC etc. and enough left over to buy savings PEP/ TESSA but alas to maintain my living standards all have now been cashed in, to top all Brown has wrecked my pension, I work to survive, not live.

    Nice work on the irrelevant-topic-shoehorn. And has it occurred to you that if you’re experiencing high taxes it’s because you already earn plenty to live on, even without cashing in your savings? What exactly are your “living standards”? do they involve burning pallets of 50 pound notes every week? You antisocial, alcoholic anteater’s appendage.

    Incidentally, “golden Thatcher years” should be a registered oxymoron.

  4. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:06 pm therika

    Great. I messed up the blockquote and someone else got there first.

    If anyone wants me, I’ll be sat in the corner crying and eating Quality Street. Even the orange ones.

  5. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:23 pm Kelvin

    Incidentally, “golden Thatcher years” should be a registered oxymoron.

    Not necessarily. Just think of it less in terms of bullion and more in terms of showers.

  6. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:31 pm Mike

    It’s like dog years isn’t it?

    “He’s 10 next week, but that’s 50 in Golden Thatcher Years!”

  7. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:37 pm melanie philips wanks over pictures of dead muslims

    That reminds me of a scene from the excellent ‘Bad Santa’ film (which was on last night).

    Willie: [upon seeing the safe] Oh shit.
    Marcus: What? What?
    Willie: It’s a Kintnerboy Redoubt.
    Marcus: So?
    Willie: Remember Andy Pitz?
    Marcus: Andy Pitzerelli, yeah.
    Willie: No, Andy Repitski. Andy Pitzerelli was Andy Blue Balls.
    Marcus: Since he got married they called him Andy Pitzerelli. What’s your fucking point?
    Willie: Well they say he can get into anything. Anything. They say he’s been in Margaret Thatcher’s pussy.
    Marcus: And that’s a good thing? So what the fuck are you getting at?

  8. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:38 pm Horses Fuck Horses

    Im sure I’ve got a porn film called Golden Thatcher Years

  9. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:41 pm Chris Mass Time, Mistletoe and Whine

    The colour I associate most with the Thatcher years is brown.

  10. on 15 Dec 2009 at 2:53 pm Loser

    He’s a cunt, but I wouldnt expect anyone to learn the language of their foreign neighbours, if they themselves are in their own country. Maybe a few words, but I wouldnt expect my neighbours to learn my language if I moved to a foreign country…

    Am I becoming one of them?

  11. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:02 pm Alex

    Yes.

  12. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:03 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Croy Boy, genius that he is, hasn’t worked out that all his indigenous English neighbours moved out because he’s a panda’s pitiful penis.

  13. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:04 pm Schroduck

    Better to know them than 1000 “friends” every living moment via facebook as they broadcast their meaningless existences for the world to see in an attempt to convince them selves that people actually care.

    Dave, North

    Dave knows all about broadcasting meaningless existences.

  14. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:35 pm star35

    Croyboy showcases similar messages of racist garbage on the ThisIsLondon comment boards, a site that frequently makes me despair for all humanity.

  15. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:39 pm Pierre De La Resistance

    If anyone wants me, I’ll be sat in the corner crying and eating Quality Street. Even the orange ones.

    I like the orange ones. On the whole I prefer Roses though.

  16. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:42 pm Pierre De La Resistance

    I acknowlege that the above is a very boring, Catherine Oliver style quote but I was just saying that the organge ones aren’t too bad.

  17. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:51 pm Mr Cat

    Ian Cheese Cheese Cheese
    Ian Cheese Cheese CHEESE!

    I like his opening gambit “quite apart from the young” basically saying – even if you ignore the fact that anyone under 25 is subhuman and should be put into camps and worked to death.

    Oh to be … part of the lost generation – condemned by Ian Cheese. A man so unscrupulous that the soils his clothes and takes them to charity shops so that he can buy them back at a cheaper cost than the dry cleaning they have to do.

  18. on 15 Dec 2009 at 3:56 pm Philbert

    Since Labour came to power I have to work a 14 hour day to pay the tax, I ocasionally see my neighbours either going to or coming from work. On a week end I go binge drinking to forget the last week and the coming one.
    In the Golden Thatcher Years I used to have 3 holidays abroad, new TV / Car / PC etc. and enough left over to buy savings PEP/ TESSA but alas to maintain my living standards all have now been cashed in, to top all Brown has wrecked my pension, I work to survive, not live.

    Fed Up Of High Tax, London

    If he wants to pay less tax, he should try earning less. Funny thing, the more you work, the more tax you pay – almost as if it’s proportional to your earnings or something.

  19. on 15 Dec 2009 at 4:18 pm Golden streak, Croydon

    Hi I live in croydon and I’m a “racist twat with no mates.” My foreign “neighbours” have friends but I don’t so I feel “jealous”. I go on the internet to whine about it and rub my “bruised cock” when another indiginuz racist loser appears & squirts more self-pitying shit on the message board. Everyone pity me and the fact I have no friends a small cock and sociable neighbours This is my daily plight, poor poor poor me.

  20. on 15 Dec 2009 at 4:24 pm Theorist (esp conspiracies)

    Isn’t it funny how close “neighbour” is to “NuLabour”? Uncanny, really. Like “God” being “dog” spelt backwards.

  21. on 15 Dec 2009 at 5:03 pm Oaf

    Isn’t it funny how close “neighbour” is to “NuLabour”? Uncanny, really. Like “God” being “dog” spelt backwards.

    And elephant being the same as zebra if you mix the letters up, remove some and add a few others.

  22. on 15 Dec 2009 at 5:19 pm funny peculiar

    Isn’t it funny that on HYS the word ‘neighbour’ seems to be synonymous with ‘wog’. Yet the OED says not. Strange.

  23. on 15 Dec 2009 at 5:45 pm brown town

    Maybe a lot of us can’t speak our neighbours language to get to know them?.

    Wobblybob, Hull

    I wonder how Wobblybob would react to my neighbours, a group of intimidating looking, but polite young Asian Teenagers? When they say “Good evening” maybe he would just assume that he couldn’t understand “‘cos they’re all forin”.

  24. on 15 Dec 2009 at 6:23 pm Zack

    Off topic here so sorry to barge in all rude and that but would you mind heading over to iTunes & Play.com to buy a copy or two of “Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine. Yes, the irony of your buying this song because I told you to is not lost on me and you might not like the song itself but I bet you dislike Simon Cowell & X Factor more. So open another tab and sock it to the smug twat. Please.

  25. on 15 Dec 2009 at 6:34 pm Vicky

    Zack, in the nicest possible way, naff off and read this before spamming any other decent websites with misguided campaigns to ‘sock it’ to people who are very much immune to Joe Public’s socks:
    http://roaryroar.blogspot.com/2009/12/rage-against-campaign.html

  26. on 15 Dec 2009 at 6:50 pm Kelvin

    I bet you dislike Simon Cowell & X Factor more

    I see. Tell me, if I couldn’t give a tepid tortoise testicle for either The X-factor or the completely irrelevant teenage girl popularity contest that is The Music Charts, is it acceptable to just do nothing and not give a fuck overall?

  27. on 15 Dec 2009 at 6:55 pm Jones

    When they say “Good evening” maybe he would just assume that he couldn’t understand “‘cos they’re all forin”.

    That’s assuming he tried to listen and doesn’t just run to and from his car with his eyes closed and his fingers jammed in his ears, all the while screaming “I’m indigenous!!”

  28. on 15 Dec 2009 at 7:15 pm Ugeine

    I would buy ‘killing in the name of’ but as it’s by a half Irish Half Latio American, I probably wouldn’t be able to understand it.

    Cliff for another year then…

  29. on 15 Dec 2009 at 7:36 pm Zack

    Tell me, if I couldn’t give a tepid tortoise testicle for either The X-factor or the completely irrelevant teenage girl popularity contest that is The Music Charts, is it acceptable to just do nothing and not give a fuck overall?

    Of course it is Kelvin. After all, you hardly need my permission not to care, do you now? You’re right, it’s inconsequential fluff – the annual karaoke circus just pisses me off a bit is all. Not gonna lose any sleep over it, mind, and the whole “buy the song” thing was only an suggestion. Do it or don’t do it. Why did you even bother to respond?

  30. on 15 Dec 2009 at 7:40 pm Kelvin

    Why did you even bother to respond?

    Perhaps you’re new to this site, Zack. Lurk around a while and you might understand why.

  31. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:16 pm Dave Schroedinger

    Do it or don’t do it.

    Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me. Not even if you give me options. I will neither ‘do it’ nor ‘not do it’, thank you very much.

  32. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:24 pm Zack

    Vicky, only just seen your post. I wasn’t specifically aware what the arguments against this campaign were but I knew there’d be some. So what?

    To be honest, “Killing in the Name” wouldn’t have been my first choice (bit clunky and trying-too-hard-to-be-subversive, if you ask me) and I nearly said as much in my original post but hey ho.

    I don’t mind proceeds going to Sony after all. So what if they do? I was merely hoping that if successful, it might cause the perpetual smug grin to falter slightly, and while I have nothing particularly against the moppet who won X Factor, I’d just feel a frisson of childish glee if he was pipped to number one by someone else. On a personal level it would make me smile, that’s all. And that would be worth £1.64.

  33. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:40 pm funny peculiar

    Sorry, I’m confused. Are you saying that in order to stop Cynical Promotional Campaign A from claiming the Christmas Number One spot, we should vigourously support Cynical Promotional Campaign B?

  34. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:41 pm Clovis Sangrail

    I’d just feel a frisson of childish glee

    Peado!!1!etc

  35. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:41 pm Clovis Sangrail

    Blockquotes! Get IN!

  36. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:42 pm occident

    My neighbours are Portugese. Comes in really handy for translating all my Brazilian porn.

  37. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:44 pm cpir

    Added: Friday, 4 December, 2009, 09:43 GMT 09:43 UK
    the powers that be started with dividing soceity when the unions became too powerfull in the 1970s= unity brought down ted heaths goverment so divide and rule was implamented = increased girl power/single mothers/working mothers/imagration/unemployment/haves and have nots/grab and greed/winners and losers/white collar jobs/women MPs = all a perfect melting pot for divide and rule = hence todays un-caring soceity,a soceity of fakes
    I was lucky enough to be brought up in the 1950s the golden yea
    upyours, northish

    Perhaps these division and equals signs indicate some sort of equation? If so, I’m fucked if I know how to solve it…

  38. on 15 Dec 2009 at 8:49 pm Kelvin

    I don’t mind proceeds going to Sony after all. So what if they do? I was merely hoping that if successful, it might cause the perpetual smug grin to falter slightly, and while I have nothing particularly against the moppet who won X Factor, I’d just feel a frisson of childish glee if he was pipped to number one by someone else. On a personal level it would make me smile, that’s all. And that would be worth £1.64.

    OK Zack, here’s why you’re a moron. You have this image of Simon Cowell, tucked up in his jim-jams, leaping from his bed on a chilly Christmas morn. With hopeful eyes he switches on his TV, but what does he discover? He’s not number one! Crestfallen, he retires to bed and spends a miserable Christmas Day. Result!

    Here’s what actually happens: Simon Cowell wakes up on Christmas Morning and is still exceedingly rich. He’s not one penny less rich than he would have been had the campaign not happened, as the X Factor song sold every copy it would have anyway.

    However, some time in early January, Cowell gets called into a large, comfortable office in Sony HQ. Someone who knows nothing about music but everything about spreadsheets will be delighted to explain that thanks to him, Sony has had not one but two blockbuster Christmas singles, one of which they had zero production and distribution costs for! So thanks for doubling the profit there, Simon, have another large cheque and a dividend. In fact the whole thing plays so well in Sony’s favour that it’s hard to believe it’s not a deliberate guerilla marketing campaign propagated by one of the most facebook-savvy marketers in the country.

    Also, Sony, as a prime advertiser, will be so happy at having not one but two blockbuster singles as a result of the X-Factor, they will be happy to renew their advertising and their low-rate song licencing deal with ITV’s only profitable show, the X-Factor. Which will convince ITV to not only keep it going but push it even harder because it’s so attractive to advertisers.

    That is why your clever counter-cultural raid against The X-Factor is actually a dipshit consumer herding in favour of The X-Factor and why you’re a moron.

  39. on 15 Dec 2009 at 9:04 pm funny peculiar

    Kelvin! Are you suggesting that Simon Cowell doesn’t completely associate the X-factor’s winning song with his own personal artistic integrity and sense of well-being! You shitbag! Little kids could have read your Trotsky filth. :-o

  40. on 15 Dec 2009 at 9:05 pm Zack

    Fair point. Shame they didn’t choose a song which wasn’t on Sony (knew in my bones that KitN was a bad choice but it was the only one…) Well, that was a waste of £1.64. Still, I like the song and didn’t have it, so it’s not a total loss.

  41. on 15 Dec 2009 at 9:41 pm Mx

    Like upyours, I was brought up in the 1950s. (In my case, this was a result of a small localised timewarp, as I had in fact been born in 1981.) It was no fun at all.

  42. on 15 Dec 2009 at 9:57 pm Abject Grovelling Minion

    I think I’ve discovered where Kelvin works.

  43. on 15 Dec 2009 at 9:59 pm Kelvin

    I think I’ve discovered where Kelvin works.

    That guy’s not bad for an amateur, but he’s strictly lower league.

  44. on 15 Dec 2009 at 11:01 pm My Foot Hurts

    @ CPIR

    Thanks a bunch. Just wasted half an hour trawling through upyours’ previous postings, and now I feel slightly soiled. This man* makes me ashamed to be a Northener.

    Pretty much at random: his views on trains…

    if ever you see me on a train you will know its a life or death sittuation.
    trains are for southerners and anoraks.

    upyours, northish

    On libraries…

    everthing changes = leave libris as they are = OK for anoraks/social workers/down and outs to doss in.

    upyours, northish

    On the value of university degrees…

    a lisence to be a dosser.

    upyours, northish

    On the police force…

    dont worry (acra24) we all know about coppers from the sharp end as you have made every car owner in this country a criminal = thats sons daughters grannies even children so dont start crying when you dont get our support = miner bashers.

    upyours, northish

    I’m ashamed to say this man is not only for real, he’s alive an well and living in Barnsley**.

    * wild guess

    ** another wild guess

  45. on 15 Dec 2009 at 11:03 pm My Foot Hurts

    And. I meant alive and well.

  46. on 15 Dec 2009 at 11:57 pm Chris Mass Time, Mistletoe and Whine

    I already own “Killing”.

    Can I not spend $5 on it and just listen to it on Christmas Day?

    Actually, can I just not spend $5 on it? There’ll be kids around on Christmas Day, and it’s got all swears in it and shit.

  47. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:35 am jpr

    All of my neighbours are Australians.

    Actually my whole postcode area is full of Australians.

    This new South Wales place is nothing like the original South Wales …

  48. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:39 am Schroduck

    you have made every car owner in this country a criminal = thats sons daughters grannies even children

    To be fair, if a child owns a car, there’s a good reason s/he’s a criminal… Unless upyours really doesn’t want his children using those Southern trains.*

    * A Northern invention, which benefited the North massively during the industrial revolution, but whatever.

  49. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:41 am jpr

    To be honest, “Killing in the Name” wouldn’t have been my first choice

    I’d have gone for The Wombles myself. Actually a cover of ‘Killing In The Name’ by The Wombles would be an even better choice.

  50. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:43 am Chris Mass Time, Mistletoe and Whine

    jpr

    All of my neighbours are Australians.

    Actually my whole postcode area is full of Australians.

    This new South Wales place is nothing like the original South Wales …

    At least they speak English. Not one of these cunts in Wellington has bothered to learn.

  51. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:50 am Schroduck

    when it comes to STD theirs only going to be one winner even drugs that could cure a simple STD like clamidia are with-held by the medical maffia = plus everybody likes to ride bareback so any smart money is going to be on the rise of STD.

    upyours, northish

    Just putting it out there.

  52. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:56 am jpr

    At least they speak English

    On the one side I think they speak Italian actually. That’s pretty common around here. (In fact it’s so mult-cultural around here that the average HYSer would explode with impotent rage just by being in the area.)

    Not that any Australians really speak English; just something that sounds like English to the untrained ear.

    I guess that I could learn the local language, but I think a load of immigrants came over here a couple of hundred years ago and killed pretty well everyone who spoke it

  53. on 16 Dec 2009 at 1:08 am Chris Mass Time, Mistletoe and Whine

    Oh yeah? Well, we’re WAY more multi-cultural than you. We’ve got two fucking flags, two fucking languages and two names for the fucking country. And they’re all OFFICIAL. It’s political correctness gone mad! We came over here, took their country and then gave it back and said sorry ages ago. I claim the multi-cultural prize for NZ. If you want it back, you have to let more Asians in.

    Still, no-one can speak English, not even the affable goober that is the PM. It doesn’t even sound like English to any ear, so…

  54. on 16 Dec 2009 at 6:04 am VegeMite

    ‘In fact it’s so mult-cultural around here that the average HYSer would explode with impotent rage just by being in the area.’

    How fucking radical for you!

  55. on 16 Dec 2009 at 7:11 am cpir

    @Schroduck

    To be fair to ‘up northish’ his bareback post has preserved the gambling metaphor for more than a couple of lines without rambling. However, I always thought that the ‘smart money’ up North was on pigeons not STDs. Maybe he breeds his own strains of VD in a shed on the roof?

  56. on 16 Dec 2009 at 9:27 am Theodore

    The Max Clifford of crap is back.

    In spite of the amount of violence very few people are trained as martial artists. A knife can be taken off an attacker by using the cross block. The attacker can be stunned for as long as you like using a hard Kadir-Buxton Method, this will leave the attacker unharmed and gives the police a chance to get to the crime seen and arrest him. With marital arts you do not need weapons to defend yourself.

    Andrew Kadir-Buxton

  57. on 16 Dec 2009 at 9:27 am Theodore

    The post above was on the HYS debate about self-defence.

  58. on 16 Dec 2009 at 10:20 am alt-f4

    enough left over to buy savings

    Are savings something you buy?

    “BUY SAVINGS – 20% OFF – SAVE £££££££s”

  59. on 16 Dec 2009 at 10:34 am David

    ‘With marital arts you do not need weapons to defend yourself’.

    The first thing they teach in any respectable dojo is to get the ‘t’ and the ‘i’ the right way around when you type ‘martial’. Otherwise people think you do martial arts because you can’t get a girlfriend. Oh.

    The second thing they teach is that anyone with a one-sentence answer to knife defence is a pus-ridden porcupine’s penis.

  60. on 16 Dec 2009 at 10:43 am alt-f4

    Seeing the above I am happy to reoprt that I don’t know who this Cowell bloke is (never heard of him), I don’t know what the X-Factor is (thought maybe it was some pop band, but appears to be a TV show), and have never heard either of the songs mentioned (but assume they are both shit).

    I threw my last telly out in 1998. I think Zak should do the same.

  61. on 16 Dec 2009 at 11:06 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Fuck’s sake, I just wrote a really long comment and it’s disappeared. >:(
    This wouldn’t have happened in the old days, when waffling comments were an integral part of the community.

  62. on 16 Dec 2009 at 11:06 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Great, and now my emoticon didn’t work. I blame the forrins. And the gays.

  63. on 16 Dec 2009 at 11:36 am Jones

    Fuck’s sake, I just wrote a really long comment and it’s disappeared.

    That happens to me a lot. I do feel better knowing it happens to SYB royalty as well, though.

  64. on 16 Dec 2009 at 11:37 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Oooh, you smooth talker, you! ;)

  65. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:00 pm Rotwatcher

    Well, I don’t like Rage Against The Machine and I’m not buying their single just to wipe the smile off Simon Cowell’s face. Oh no, I’m cleverer than that – I bought Susan Boyle’s CD instead. There. See how you like that, Cowell.

  66. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:41 pm Alex

    This is really pissing me off. I wanted to make RATM Christmas #1, but then I read Kelvin’s explanation and realised it wouldn’t work. But I still want to strike a blow against rampant consumerism. What product should I buy that will help me achieve this?

  67. on 16 Dec 2009 at 12:53 pm Charles Exford, Oxton

    I’m not an RATM fan, but when the alternative is a cover of a Miley Cyrus song, I’ll take “pissing off Simon Cowell” any day of the week.

  68. on 16 Dec 2009 at 1:22 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    I nearly had my nose broken by some lanky twat in the early 90s whilst moshing to ‘Killing In The Name’ at uni (reveals extent of decrepitude). As much as I want to stick two fingers up to Cowell and rampant consumerism, etc., it just doesn’t fill me with festive cheer to buy something that gives me flashbacks to a greasy-haired bloke called Dylan lurching into my face and causing me immense pain. Mind you, nothing much fills me with festive cheer apart from looking out for Winterval bullshit in the media and there’s been a disappointing lack of all that this year.

    PS Alex, are you in the FB group to make RATM no. 1?

  69. on 16 Dec 2009 at 1:32 pm Kelvin

    I’ll take “pissing off Simon Cowell” any day of the week.

    Then don’t buy either. Simon Cowell does not give a fuck whether RATM or Joe McElderry is number one on Christmas Day. All he cares about is that both songs, combined, sell as many copies as possible for his employer, Sony Music Entertainment. Oh, and maintaining a fake tension about who will win which gives him a handy opportunity to go on the news and promote both songs.

  70. on 16 Dec 2009 at 1:37 pm Kelvin

    Incidentally, yesterday within ten minutes I read Zack’s first comment which introduced the idea. Then suddenly I got texted by a facebook-addicted friend about it. Then it was all over Slashdot. Then it came up on BBC Local TV News, for fuck’s sake. Then there was a headline on the BBC News website about Cowell denouncing the campaign. All in the space of ten minutes. Like it was co-ordinated or something.

    Honestly, this is a very slick guerilla marketing setup by Sony from start to finish. And some at agency somewhere a bunch of soulless wankers in expensive jeans are chozzling themselves over how easily they’ve managed to manipulate people who think they’re too smart to be manipulated.

  71. on 16 Dec 2009 at 3:59 pm kukomanga

    I fucking love you Kelvin.

    You’ve expertly summed up the assorted arguments I’ve had with friends about this in recent days.

    Imagine if all that money and coordinated effort were spent on a cause that actually matters.

  72. on 16 Dec 2009 at 6:14 pm Charlie

    Re: RATM. Yes, it’s not going to upset Simon Cowell, the person it’s most likely to upset is Joe McEldery and he’s cute.

    But given that X Factor songs have been Christmas number 1 for the last gazillion years, it will bring a small smile to my face to know that a song with the word “fuck” in it is number 1 instead because of an internet campaign.

    It’s like when Lordi won Eurovision – who really gives a fuck about EV? But it was fun and it was funny. You don’t have to buy it but it would be funny.

    Go to Amazon, it’s 29p. Or don’t. YOU MUST CHOOSE ONE OF THESE OPTIONS! ;o)

  73. on 17 Dec 2009 at 3:28 am Jesus Chris

    On my list of things I don’t give a fuck about, this has ranked:

    1) Any arguments on the internet about climate change
    2) My cat pissing on the neighbour’s plants
    3) Who gets to be Christmas number one in the UK
    4) The burning sensation when I pee
    5) Neil Craig
    6) Work

  74. on 17 Dec 2009 at 1:51 pm Charles Exford, Oxton

    Simon Cowell does not give a fuck whether RATM or Joe McElderry is number one on Christmas Day

    He’s doing a fairly convincing impression of someone who gives a fuck. And when I see him on the box swivel-eyed with rage that someone appears to be interfering with his plans for world domination via the medium of lowest-common-denominator prolefeed, I get this lovely warm feeling…

  75. on 17 Dec 2009 at 3:16 pm Kelvin

    He’s doing a fairly convincing impression of someone who gives a fuck.

    And tell me, where are you seeing him doing this impression? Is it, perhaps, on the television in a bunch of programmes, like the news, where he normally wouldn’t be appearing? Now far be it from me to suggest that Simon Cowell is smart enough to spot an opportunity for a swathe of free publicity…

  76. on 24 Dec 2009 at 2:47 am desertfish

    This new South Wales place is nothing like the original South Wales …

    I know – I live in New Mexico, which is a lot like the old Mexico except with Republicans.