I’m Really Fat, Why Don’t I Get One?
By AlexI LIKE PARKING. I wish I could park wherever I want, but I can’t because of PC. I want to park right near the supermarket, because I am very busy and have lots of important opinions to disseminate. But I can’t, because I’m not disabled. So why should some oversized sprog-factory have it any better?
More politcally correct nonsense that will cost millions and be widely abused. Why doesn’t this government do something useful and face up to the desperate financial state they have left us in rather than come up social engineering projects like this?
Betrand Russell
You can’t be the real Bertrand Russell. The real B.R. would never use the term ‘social engineering’ without mentioning the special spaces for one-legged pregnant black lesbians with small refugee children in a Muslim wheelchair.
Pregnant women are already set to raid my pay packet via the tax system, I would rather they did not take up parking spaces as well.
Maxell Fellows
It’s a good point Maxwell, but as always, isn’t the root of the problem really just other people existing in general?
Another great idea of Britains namby pamby outlook on life.Pregnency is a wonderful thing in life,not a illness,people used to say only in America,thats changed to only in the U K,pathetic.
Mark Wilson, Bracknell
Wonderful’s right! It’s that beautiful kind of “pregnant glow” they get about them, isn’t it? I know it’s only sweat, but there’s still something magical there. So it stands to reason that they’ll only get more lovely the further you make them haul the shopping.
I bet it’s the blokes who disagree ! Ever tried waddling around and manoeuvring in the last months of pregnancy ? Yes, of course they should. Be kind.
[smilingparrotfan]Then send your partner or a friend.
Men dont have it easier than women. You wouldnt let us
wayne, lancashire
Does it feel better now? All that burning anger from reading the words ‘women’ and ‘given’, has it subsided, or will you need to punch something and have another wank?
In the mid 70′s my wife worked as a delivery driver driving one of the old style mini vans – they were small!
She was in and out of that van all the time all day long. She worked up to the week before she gave birth to our second son.
We used to laugh as she tried to get in and out from behind the wheel, but thought nothing of it.
Now children are being overly mollycoddled, let’s not start on the mothers to be.
Brown Fitz Darling, Ripoff, United Kingdom
We should be raising our pregnant women to ‘ave a sense of discipline, by ‘eck. Why, back when I were a lad I’d send me pregnant mother five miles int’ snow wi’ no shoes on just to take a book I ‘adn’t read back t’ library, then when she came back I’d punch her int’ stomach. Never did me any ‘arm.
60 Responses to “I’m Really Fat, Why Don’t I Get One?”
anger…angeR…angER…..anGER..aNGER……PREGNANT WOMEN GETTING PARKING SPACES!!!!!!!! ANGER!!!!!!!!
Tcah! That’s nothing. In my friend’s friend’s local Asda ALL the spaces within 100m of the front door are now burka-wearers only. Even the disabled spaces have been shunted to the back. Apparently the local council decided it is ‘culturally insensitive’ for muslim women to be on the street and we must all respect this.
But did they let me say that on HYS, no of course they feckin didn’t. Typical librul conspiracy.
There’s a Have Your Say going right now called, no shitting, Should homosexuals face execution?
Come on, mods. Really, you’re making it all too easy.
I’m still really nonplussed as to how people can get so upset about the stupidest of things.
Then I watched the final episode of The Thick Of It on Sunday, and when Malcolm Tucker was going about about people who’d wander around the Garden of Eden hating everything they saw, I thought of HYS.
I still feel like a child in a lot of ways, so much faith I put in people’s rational sides. But there’s a warrant out for me in that respect. I don’t need a coat, it’s warm out.
(By the way, my real, concrete, memorable introduction to how fucking retardedly angry people can be over the slightest suggestion was here, on a Christian Wolmar (train guy, fucking awesome train guy) article about how using a bidet might be better for the environment than using a tree.
You’re welcome.)
How can HYSers complain about these spaces? Surely they just provide idealy located empty parking spots for the inconsiderate to use? Win-win?
@Schroduck, Oh my fucking life, that is serious shit. I do note that there are no comments as yet-are they all just so shocked that nuliaborecommunistBBC are finally agreeing with them that they are speechless?
Mark Wilson _is_ the Twat-o-tron. Six posts so far, and these are how they end:
What a canary clit.
Now that’s a thread that deserves to be flooded with mulitple entries from the folorn and forgotten Twat-o-tron.
I’ve been wishing this country had a namby pamby outlook for ages.. and now Maxell tells me that Britain ALREADY HAS a namby pamby outlook? Why was I not told? I’ve been maintaining my own namby pamby outlook all these years, only to find there was a government-funded namby pamby outlook on life already provided for me. Pathetic.
Yeah SKYISBLUESOAMI, get these unhealthy fat bitches back inside chained to the kitchen (you’ve got the picture in your head and you’re already wanking over it, either that or get all women to a Nunnery-then they wouldn’t get pregnant.What a festering flamingo’s fanny flap you are.
I was just watching something about Rose West, and apparently she helped kill a bunch of women when she was pregnant. If Rose can do that, then all these unwed teenage pregnant mothers with cars bought on the government gravy train can find their own fucking parking space like everyone else.
I think the key to the puzzle is here: HYSers think that there are disabled parking spaces because the disabled are ill, and therefore deserving of special treatment and maybe a pat on the head. It’s never crossed their mind that it might be a good idea to let people park closer to their destination if they have trouble walking.
Most of them, in their urge to have yet another go at Gordon Clown, Nuliebore, mytaxes, etc. etc. have completely overlooked the fact that this idea comes from a Welsh Assembly member.
@Alex,if we take SKYISBLUESOAMI’s logic here, if they have trouble walking they shouldn’t be out.
You’re supposed to use lube, Rob!
What’s that, empathy? You’ve been killed by a whole host of cretinous camel’s cocks who couldn’t imagine what it feels like to live in another town, let alone how hard everyday tasks are when you’re carrying several pounds of voluminous baby inside you? Well, I’m sorry to hear that.
Also
Millions.
Oh, and I keep forgetting this, but Clovis! Clovis Sangrail! I know where your name is from, and you have excellent taste in literature.
Bloomin eck sir, repulsive? You never said so before, if you don’t mind me sayin..
I’m not sure anything ever does cross a HYSer’s mind. I tend to imagine their thought process as applying a tazer directly to the rectum of a constipated elephant.
@Bugrat
Not only a Welsh AM, but a Conservative one too. So they can’t even blame it on ZaNuLiabore.
Not that facts have stopped them before mind…
Hands up who objects to the fact that iwontdrinkthewater’s parents chose to breed.
Me first.
Let’s face it. Homosexuals are not wilful criminals but unfortunate disabled people who cannot enjoy Nature’s gift of attraction to and union with the opposite sex, and unable to treasure the family memories most of us take to the grave.
Feel sympathy but do not regard their relationships as normal alternatives to marriage and procreation. Hopefully, medical science will find a remedy to normalise their disability. Meanwhile, they should not be regarded as criminals. They are born that way.
[Anglobert], Surrey, United Kingdom
Off topic, I know, but the “Should homosexuals face execution?” thread is an idiot-mine.
Yeah, but if you give them special parking spaces some cunt’ll still complain.
I’m trying really, really hard not to click through to the HYS homosexual-hate thread in case I start thinking about drafting a really sternly worded note to the Chairman and dropping a line to Peter Tatchell and Stonewall while I’m at it… that thread is completely out-of-fucking-order btw)
I’m also trying not to think too hard about the mysogynists once again creeping out of their dank holes onto the main thread Nelson posted.
In fact, instead I think I’m going to go and listen to some christmas compilation albums on my mp3 player while I stand outside and let the snow flakes fall gently on my face – it will probably make me feel better… peace and goodwill to all men and all that shit
The Homo-execution thread is just a sockpuppet spree for John ‘saddest twat in the world’ Adair and his suppressed-gay mates. I was wathching it a while back. It was all pretty normal with recs going to normal comments then about 10 hate posts raced out of nowhere to block all the top slots with 40-odd votes in a few minutes. It’s rigged.
FUCK THE BBC FOR ALLOWING THIER SITE TO BE ABUSE BY NAZIS! MODS… YOU CAN ALL FUCK OFF. YOU ARE THE STOOGES OF NAZIS.
Let me get this straight, homosexuals should be provided with parking places close to their destination, and the death penalty should be applied to pregnant women who refuse mandatory abortions.
This is exactly what I said would happen when Gordon Clown was first not elected. It’s the return of politcal correctness only in the UK gone mad for real.
Oh fuck it, I’ve phoned the Press Office at Stonewall, and to say they are genuinely upset is an understatement. I think Mark Thompson is going to be getting some rather annoyed calls from the gay mafia this afternoon…
“as [they] are sometimes described”? That’s coward-speak for “as I like to call them”, isn’t it?
I wonder if “Labeja” is pronounced “labia”. It’s the best straw I have to cling to if I’m not expected to take him seriously.
Fuck, ya think?!Not going anywhere near that homosexuality thread, it’ll be too scary by far. I’ll wait for the pickings to be posted here. @Therika – why thank you!
“You can’t be the real Bertrand Russell. The real B.R. would never use the term ’social engineering’ without mentioning the special spaces for one-legged pregnant black lesbians with small refugee children in a Muslim wheelchair.”
I’d also hazard a guess that he’d probably spell his own name right.
Live and let live. By letting them kill, obviously.
I’ve been to Uganda many times and judging from what I have seen and heard there David Labeja would be best described as a rampant liberal homo-loving pervert supporter who wants all our kids to be gay.
You mean child raping Nazis, right?
It’s hard-core [porngrogaphy] …gay cuauses. And drugs [class b];- should be. PArking spaces???
The Three Stooges of the Nazis? If you thinkof them like that they don’t seem so bad.
Okay, I’m going to do it.
I’m going to take a quick look at the “gay execution thread”.
There we go, Gay Tax. Problem solved. It seems so obvious now that someone has said it.
JESUS FUCKING WEPT.
Honestly, you can’t manage more than a page without wanting to kill these imbeciles.
Careful in there Ceannair – come back sane
Oops, too late – the horror! THE HORROR!
I knew who Clovis Sangrail was too, but thought it might be a bit sarky to mention it.
but that’s Africa Have Your Say. it’s not good honest England (not UK) Have Your Say. I’m surprised Topsy and that lot haven’t moaned to fuck about forrun have your say pages coming over here and stealing our embittered right to be a cunt on the internet
Having said that, I can’t wait for Catherine Oliver’s take on this!
@ Rotwatcher – have you got your coat yet?
Rotwatcher – badoom TSHH! As Bit Special would say.
I’m off to look at the gay-bashing thread – as it will probably be like that scene in Poltergeist with the TV will someone please tie a rope round my waist and pull me out in 5 minutes? Covered in ectoplasm. At least, I HOPE it willbe ectoplasm…
The Big Fish clearly hasn’t thought his idea through. If the government introduced a Gay Tax then all the really talented homosexuals would take their gayness off-shore, increasing the national gayness deficit. It’s simple homophobonomics.
People ‘taking their gayness off-shore’
*rubs his hands with glee*
“Aharr, mateys! There be homosexuals off the starboard bow!”
Obituary:
On November 19th, in the year of our Lord 2009, some twat encroached upon the private life of one of our dearest contributors, Catherine Oliver. Since then Ms Oliver has only managed to break surface once to bestow what might be her final words of wisdom to us.
We might never see the likes of her again.
If all the Gays were off-shored to India, we’d end up having to import our Gay, create a balance of sexuality deficit. You’d have to continually work through a scripted response to get the service you want, which wouldn’t be very good for spontaneity, especially when the other end is paid by the number of clients per hour. There would be a marketing angle for some British companies, I suppose – “Our call centres are 100% British Gay.”
Oh Shit, I have just spent the last half hour staring at my screen with incredulity on the ‘killing Gays’ thread-Shocked is not the word I would use. There are definitley a lot of repressed HYS’ers out there hiding behind religion (but hey we knew that), how much of a kicking is Auntie Beeb going to get for this? This one made me chuckle though
You reading this Clarkson? you big gayer, you are only there as the token Gay on the Beeb so you can stop the act now.
According to the header on HYS, there would also be a sentence of seven years imprisonmnet for “attempted homosexuality”.
A punishment for attempting homosexuality? Isn’t the embarrassment alone enough of a punishment without being banged up for it too?
“It’s never happened to me before, honest! Er, do you have a tissue..? No, please, don’t call the police! Just give me five minutes!”
I meant “seven years’ imprisonment”.
Arse.
According to one of my Hindu-speaking friends the off-shored helpdesk staff are required to watch the BBC for 90 mins a week to improve their English. But not just any old BBC output. They are specifically required to watch Eastenders.
So you’d be able to call them up and ask for a score of irons and they’d know what you wanted.
You mean Hindi, not Hindu. I would have wilfully misinterpreted your sentence in an attempt to take advantage of the error, but your clever hyphen use stops me from doing that without being wrong myself.
Oh no, I’ve gone and become a pedant.
I like the way that the u-i-o bit of the keyboard leads to typos that are also real words. Which is what I assumed happened in that post. It also means I accidentally call myself Mum quite a lot. Annoying, but better than if Mr Mim does it.
Attempted homosexuality? They don’t give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry, do they?
See that? That’s magnanimity, that is? I think HYS might be getting soft.
If I’m…er…
I’m not right at all, am I? Still, we can hope that them Ugandians follow a path of nonviolent resistance…
Bertrand Russell should, before posting, have recalled his wise words: ‘common sense is the metaphysics of savages.’
Can we get back to the parking and leave the gay hate death squads alone in this thread? Only, it’s really sunny out there, and although it’s a nice day for an execution, it’s always a nice day in Uganda, and I’d feel sorely vexed if I had to go around thinking about gay executions all day.
Sincerely,
Cliff Richards’ Repressed Homosexuality