From me bruv.
It must be difficult for Northerners to understand the disruption caused by the snow, because the disruption is primarily being caused to people with jobs.
Greg
That is brilliant and so true. We were all sat around in Sheffield today trying to decide how to spend t’giros you tax-paying southern ponces keep sending us when someone read your HYS comment on the Yorkshire Internet Computer. We spent a while trying to think of a similarly brilliant retort but then t’bullock escaped from t’lower Wakefield paddock again and t’village elders sent us all out into t’fields to t’get it t’back t’again. T’wat.
94 Responses to “Comeback”
It’s such a snappy comeback as well.
I am going to read the entire thread, and every time I see the words “global warming” in it, I am going to stick a fork in my leg. Just because.
As a person of Northern persuasion I have have to hand it to Greg for the come back, very witty. But then he was probably typing it from home because he couldn’t get his car off the drive for the half inch of snow. The soft Southern,next on the Nigerian execution list, person.
What I like most about Greg’s comment is that he had to set up an imaginary situation in order to use is it.
“I imagine there must be a group of people somewhere who fart a great deal, and if at their Christmas party they found that someone had unexpectedly sliced up the cheddar I imagine the best thing to say would be ‘Hey! Who cut the cheese?’”
Greg is really funny.
As a gentleman of a northern persuasion also, I’d like to point out that Greg is a wombats fadge.
Turns out the bit I originally had in there that said:
‘I think there must be a lot of northerners trotting out the usual “southern softies can’t handle a bit of snow” lines the best comeback I’ve seen so far:’
Was actually me bro failing to distinguish between the HYS comment and the bit he was showing me. I’ve disowned him.
Or something. I can’t write today. Pub at lunchtime.
@Nelson, well done sir, keeping up the best of British traditions. I do hope that you have had at least 3 pints and are now in the classic ‘fuck work it’s Friday’ mode.
Turns out my MSN conversations are indistinguishable from HYS gruntings. I’m a little hurt.
I’ve been pretty much in “fuck work it’s christmas” mode all week tbh.
Great to see Dickensian values making an appearance this Yuletide.
Proof if needed, Greg really is a great big Gorilla’s gangrenous orifice.
Matter of interest, is there anybody on here who isn’t a Northerner? Apart from Jesus Chris, obviously – can’t really get much more Southern.
Anyway, we have got snow up here. I have a lovely view of our car park from my office window, and the surface of the car park is literally nearly covered with it. I’ve got to drive over that, I have!
By gum.
Has anyone been on there yet to just tell Greg he is a cunt?
Oooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one!
With that said, I have an ability to get from A to B in mildly inconvenient weather conditions that belies my Southern heritage.
And Greg’s a powerfully pungent penguin’s penis.
Unfortunately, I don’t have as many colourful synonyms for willies as Northerners seem to.
Wolves originally but lived in Nottingham for 17 years. So I’m Midlands through n through. But that’s “north” to your average SOUTHERN PONCE.
@Nelson, doesn’t the North start for Southern folk at Watford Gap? I think we can safely say that you Yam Yam’s can be Northern.
Fucking teacher’s pet. I’ve been in “fuck work it’s christmas” mode since last Christmas. Or was it the Christmas before? Or the millennium? Fuck knows.
Well, sure. How do you think Norfolk and Northampton got their names?
I’m a Northern Irelander and therefore love it when it snows, as that’s the only time it stops raining.
I’m a southerner and while I admire the northerners generally as a people and a culture, none of them have jobs, fact. Relax, some of my best friends are northerners. etc etc et fkn cetera
@Silent Koala
I’m playing a similar game, but instead I jab myself in the eye every time someone asks “Russia/Canada/Sweden’s fine, so why can’t we cope with a little snow?”
Extra points (i.e. make it a two finger job) if they then suggest an extremely expensive program of buying thousands of ploughs, gritters and de-icers that would get used for about 4 days a year.
If they also manage to decry MPs’ expenses at the same time, you start gouging with a spoon.
And how do boat captains get work, eh? They just get in their cars and drive through miles of open ocean. Not like those northern/southern (delete as appropriate) pansies.
“And by the way, how does the snowplough driver get to work?”
Anyone that doesn’t know that this is a passed off Half Man Half Biscuit lyric should have their northerness rescinded.
Oh and hey!
Greg’s just been served – THIS is a comeback. Thank you, Alex Gache!
Pff, “Northerners”. I’m from Glasgow, and I’m not even a Northerner. I am a drunken sectarian bigot though.
In the west country, where we all drive tractors, chase foxes and eat straw washed down with cider, all northerners and southerners are foreigners.
Them funny folk from out of The Shire they be….
shheesh, you northerners are so touchy!
I am a Southerner and took great offence to Greg’s tirade against the lazy northerners.
Here anyone from over the other side of the Tamar is suspect, ooh arrr.
On. The. Front. Page.
Anyone interested in a used pair of eyeballs? Slightly soiled, mild fork wounds.
Nice blockquuuurts, Sidman.
I won’t get me coat because being a thick, hard-as-nails, impoverished Northerner I obviously don’t wear one.
@Rogue_Leader, Haway man, if yurs is frum Nucassle,ye divvent ane a coat, T-Shurts only fur the lads.
Well, sure. How do you think Norfolk and Northampton got their names?
What about South Shields?
Good try John, but no prizes, you missed out Immigration,taxes, Political Correctness and Dole scum.
Or South Yorkshire?
mmm, think I might sod off for a while, seem to be the only one here,maybe go out for some drunken sledging.
We win! Cos it’s -18C here and still dropping. We’ve got tons of snow and it took me three hours to do the 6k home from work last night AND I nearly crashed about 20 times. Nyah! Ya soft, western, gulf-stream-poncing, island-dwelling wusses.
Correction, not the only one, good point MFH. but isn’t that the Peoples Republic of South Yorkshire?
@ funny peculiar – I believe the traditional response is “Ah, but it’s a different kind of cold you get over in wherever”
Yeah, but he’s got the important stuff: the greatest terrorist atrocity ever to happen on American soil, and a light dusting of snow.
Snow? Chaos? Disruption? I was in Blighty last year when it snowed and the general feeling was ‘thank fuck, we can forget about work for three days, go out and play snowballs, come home and get pissed’. Simple pleasures.
The Southshields that’s South of Northshields?
The South Yorkshire that’s South of North Yorkshire?
Oops, should have been “South Shields” and “North Shields”. Beg pardon.
Us Northeners aren’t all jobless. We have a lot of working men’s clubs up here, you know. For instance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idle_Working_Men’s_Club
South Yorkshire! Don’t get me started on those shit soft, shandy guzzling Londoners. Anyone who lives in London or it’s suburbs (Rotherham, Kings Lynn, Retford, Derby and Wrexham to name but a few)are belonephilic bulbourethral glands.
Sithee youths, yon Soft Southern ShitesTM wouldn’t have any transportation problems if they’d just use t’ horse and cart, as it right and proper anyway. They just love an excuse to mither on, the shandy-suppin’ jessies.
I’m from a v rural part of T’Peak District and people having a whine about a bit of snow on the roads makes me piss myself (or, as I would say, ‘mesen’) laughing. They don’t even know what real snow is [kicks whippet, dons flat cap, goes misty-eyed in a 'when I were a lass' reverie] Sadly, Nelson’s uber-Northern spiel wasn’t a hilarious pastiche for me, but another ‘when I were a lass’ moment…
And JC above highlights the light of me and my Peaky brethren – when you say Peak District, people think of Derby, which is a shit pit and indeed, properly Midlands-y, whereas where I come from is most definitely Northern -if you count anywhere as high as, or higher up than, Sheffield as Northern, that is. Oh, you don’t? I’ll get my light cardigan (such a nesh bugger).
Am confused as to the locations of FP and Clovis. Do you live in Forrinland? I guess you liked it so much you went and lived there…
I’m asking Santa for some more ellipses, I can’t get enough!
That link a put wur shyte. Try thisun. Irul wurk berra than tha lastun. If it dunt wurk ava word wi thee sen an gerron’t google.
http://clubhistorians.co.uk/html/idle_wmc.html
Dad? Is that you?
Bollocks to the lot of you southern jessies. I can see Hadrians Wall from where I live, and I’m standing outside in freezing weather wearing only me bloke-knickers looking at it right now..
Am I remembering right,or wasn’t there a debate a while back on furriners and FP said he was working in Poland and taking an indigenous Poles job? If I am right?
@ Bugrat, it’s a right bastard having to have a smoke outside these days, isn’t it?
As opposed to the lady-knickers you usually wear, right?
That’s me at home, that is. My partner (the only lady-knicker-wearer in this household incidentally Speshy) doesn’t smoke (or indeed smurk), but I’m tapering off on the road to quitting the roll-ups, and only indulge out of doors.
I’m from round Preston way, originally, and lived in Liverpool for a while.
Yes, it’s all about getting as far away as possible.
AND I CAN MAKE THESE JOKES, I’M BORN AND T’BRED T’NORTHERN Southern jessies etc etc.
I just realised that, JC being in New Zealand (yes?), he’ll be enjoying lovely warm mid-summer weather, maybe the odd glass of wine outside..?
Shit….
Haha. I fucking wish. This is Wellington, where the only thing constant about the weather is the 100kmph wind.
Actually, it’s got quite warm when it hasn’t been windy or stormy or rainy, like it is right now. But not as warm as it could be, and for that I feel both robbed and cheated.
I think that’s all I have to say on the matter, aside from the earthquakes. I’ll report back after my summer holiday.
I live in Sydney which I guess makes me a southerner. It was 45C yesterday so if you could collect some of that “snow” you keep talking about and send it down my way, it would be greatly appreciated.
Yawn
I work in the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station which is (as its name suggests) at the geographical south pole. It is summer here right now so the warmest it gets in -13c. So, OK the weather is definitely a drawback but at least I get to call practically every human on the planet a lazy northern twat.
@El Diablo,
Like F@#K it was – it pissed it down and the buses were on strike, bit like growing up in Manchester in the 1970’s (well aside from it being 25C). You lieing git.
I need the toilet
@Silent Koala… great comeback.
And your point is?
Nelson, I am shocked and stunned that we used to be near neighbours (eyes the Wolves scarf hanging next to the computer).
@ Theodore – you’re kidding right? Or are you secretly one of Santa’s elves?
@That Bloke in the corner
I see David Mitchell is equally as amusing when posting to HYS as he is everywhere else.
I better hides my Baggies’ scarf as I’m outnumbered by Dingles(ie Wolves supporters)round here and they might beat me up.
@Joystons Choice
I used to live about 5 minutes’ walk from Idle Working Men’s Club. I guess that makes me a proper Northerner.
Yesterday I wondered whether I retained my skill at walking in the snow in high heels.
I don’t. They’re almost certainly going to take my Geordie card away. And my Basic Self-Preservation certificate.
I’m from the West Country and an innocent bystander in all this North-South stuff. I’ll just sit quietly with my cider and occasionally express prejudice towards people from the home counties and/or Wales. Unless I can be an honorary northerner, in which case I’ll join in with the southern pansy bashing and perhaps start to type in a DH Lawrence inspired Derbyshire accent.
@Sideways – that might be difficult, seeing as DH Lawrence was from Nottinghamshire.
@Pete – I see your Wolves connection and raise you my living in the same city now as Nelson as well as accidentally finding out that I am friends with someone who went to uni with Alex (not as stalker-y as it sounds).
@Mim – seeing as you couldn’t walk in snow wearing stilettos, I hope, at the very least, that your legs were bare.
Yes I too am halfway through quitting my roll-ups.
I’ve been cutting the tobacco out for a few months now but I’ve forgotten what the next step was that I was going to do.
It has been brought to our attention that this thread is of a humourous nature and concerns the cultural anomalies regarding the northern and southern regions of England. Furthermore, it is evident from the introdution, that the theme of ‘Yorkshire’ is strongly emphasised by the thread’s creators.
It is therefore our duty to remind you that under the articles laid out by the ISPC(UK) in its 2004 guidlines, it is required that at least one post of any humourous thread relating to Yorkshire utilises the phrase, ‘Appen ’tis, Vetn’ry (Our use of the phrase in this reminder does not constitute standard thread usage) Failure to use this phrase may result in prosecution and could lead to a maximum 500 pound fine or 3 months in prison.
Ta Muchly.
Ere, I live in darkest rural Devon an wee ‘ad some proper snow down yer I tell ‘ee.
I also pull the westcountry exemption card on this thread. It may technically be the South, but it’s so mental it doesn’t actually count.
Down ‘ere we don’t care where you’re from, if you live in a town or another parish you’re a forrin bastard!
I’ve got you all beat. I’ve been in “fuck work, I’m nothern” mode for the past 2 and a half years.
I would quite like one of those mythical “jobs”, but all t’southern politicians closed down t’mines and t’factories in t’80’s.
Bastards.
Do you think Greg will explode if he finds out that the vast majority of road grit used in this country comes from the Salt mine in Winsford and want to send it back?
Having said that, I used to live in Winsford and it is pretty much the Southerner’s vision of a stereotypical northern town. Kind of shot myself in the foot there……
Mind you I’m Welsh and live in Cheshire so I get abuse every which way so fuck everyone especially Southerners, Northerners, Easterners, Westerners, other types of cowboy movies, cowboy builders, Hildas, Helgas, Hondas, Datsuns, cherries, all other fruits, veg, ESPECIALLY CELERIAC!, brainiacs, morons, mormons,scientologists, astrologists, astronauts, cosmonauts, taikonauts, little tykes, trikes, bikes, mikes, Bill Sykes, the Artful Dodger , Oliver the western engine, Duck and the Diesel, Thomas, Percy, Edward, Charles and Camilla, all killer no filler? The Killers second album, big let down, get down, get funky, punky? John Lydon ADVERTISING BUTTER?? What a cunt.
Merry Christmas!
As a working Greg from the northern wastes, I just thought I’d put in that my southern namesake is indeed a gangrenous goat’s gash.
And here I were thunkin it were us northern folk thut did all t’proper work while yon bloody suth’rn ponces lived off their in’eritances and spent their time bummin’ each other a’ Eton.
Yeah, them bleedin’ celeriacs. Coming over here, turning their bleedin’ noses up at our gluten! They should all piss off back to Celeria. Bastuds!
(Now where did I put that coat……Ahhh! Here it is? Tra!)
I’m also Welsh and live in Cheshire – perhaps I’m Doc Wrong …….
But to return to the main theme; how come a tiny bit of snow and everything grinds to a halt … blah … blah … doesn’t happen in Norway or Canada … they manage fine …
My brother lives in the Rockies and he never has any problems. Well, apart from smashing up his truck last week ….
Mmmmmmmm
Ha, Lurker, I am way more unemployed than you.
And the very thought of bare legs just made me hide further under my duvet, although my leg hair probably constitutes trousers of some sort by now.
Mal, you’re not the only Baggie on here mate.
Being born in Birmingham but living in Leeds, I get insulted for being both a northerner and a southerner at the same time. I suppose I bring it on myself as I spent the last six months being northern dole scum, started a new job on Monday, just in time to get snowed in on Friday like a soft southern pansy!
Southerner? I live in Wollongong, and regard you Sydneysiders as soft Northerners
And we apparently have the best beach in New South Wales. So there.
(Actually I’m also a Pom, so I realise that I’m on very dangerous ground here
)
From Birmingham, which possibly makes things worse …
Greetings. I am currently taking part in a sercret manned mission to Mars. So, given the current relative positions of the Earth, Mars and the ship, I am the most northerly member of the human race and will be for the next 2.51 years.
Also, the ship’s computer wishes you to know that in all probability I am capable of injesting 37.8% more alcohol than you and 23.4% more likely to survive prolonged exposure to cold. Statistically Verifiable Fact!
Righty-ho, gotta go, my silicon-boss is telling me that the pod-bay door is malfunctioning apparently.
I don’t think I can let you do that Dave.
Take a chill-pill Hal, he was speaking in gest.
Now sing me that song again…..
…but run that embedded quotes thing past me again first.
Fiddlesticks.
So what, you can’t slag off northerners any more?
It is POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD.
Surrey Nationalists like myself are going to have to nail our colours to the mast over this one.
1894 has undoubtedly returned for real.
I should point out that we in Edinburgh are not drunken sectarian bigots.
I am, however, well pissed, having ingested sufficent alcohol to keep my blood liquid even if I chose to sleep outsode in the snow.
I always forget that your northern stereotypes are our southern stereotypes. I can never get used to that.
Okay, OT but…
…which one of you posted that on CiF?
It has a distinct aroma of SYB…
Ow, my head.
Hey, where do you think Sutherland got its name?
Bunch of southern nancies, the lot of you from Cape Wrath downwards.