My poem scans and rhymes. Lime, lime, lime, lime, limes
By NelsonThanks to the missus for finding this.
According to the Empire forum stats, warneford87 joined in April 2006 but didn’t have anything to say until Brittany Murphy died. This is currently his/her only post.
R.I.P Brittany Murphy Bless you poem
You were in Sin City,
I thought you were pretty,
Just Married was a flop,
It wasn’t much cop,
6 Mile was about rap,
You certainly were not crap,
So why did you have to die?
To make movies in the sky?
Why why why why why why why??????????
One less house for santa this year,
One less house of christmas cheer,
Now you are with the king of pop
In the section of heaven where hearts have stopped,
Are you an angel now?
Did you get your wings somehow,
Every time a bell rings,
An angel gets it’s wings,
I hope for you that bell ring a ding dings,
Bless You.
xx
warneford87
That’s lovely. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if she comes back from the fucking dead, just to say thanks.
43 Responses to “My poem scans and rhymes. Lime, lime, lime, lime, limes”
Technically all of it then.
Probably wrote that cos he’s realised that there wont be any new films that he can add to his Brittany Murphy 24/7 wankathon
i didnt see 6 mile, was it any good?
what a septic badgers bell end
Why do I get the feeling warneford87 has been furiously pressing hir doorbell over and over.
“Don’t worry, Brittany! I’ll give your wings!”
Doesn’t matter though…
Apparently she’s in Hell.
Anyone else think warneford87 might just be deliberately taking the piss?
Yes, almost certainly, but I really really hope not. Bless ‘im/’er
Reminded me of Baldrick.
“One house fewer”, surely?
It really needs to be read out loud to be truly appreciated. I recommend singing it to the tune of “Fairytale of New York”
The great McGonagall couldn’t have done better.
Well apart from hid ode to the death of Queen Victoria.
http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/poems/mpgdeath.htm
Oh no!
A typo.
I wish I was rid,
Of that errant hid.
That is brilliant… absolutely brilliant. Forget the haterz who think its fake – that must be straight from warneford87′s heart. Which I bless.
I’m not sure which is my favourite line.
It’s a toss up between:
Why why why why why why why??????????
and
I hope for you that bell ring a ding dings,
The former is pure poetry but the latter crowbars in some sleazy innuendo undertones.
Move aside Mark Kermode, you have met your match.
Was 6 mile the edited version of 8 mile or the prequel?
Surely a fake. Couldn’t be more obvious if he posted:
Oh Britanny, death has torn us apart,
Like an exchange without its mart,
In truth we never really met,
but if we had I make a good pet,
You would not have said no,
Even if there was lots of snow,
As I can wag my tail like a dog,
Well, it looks like a tail in fog.
Oh Dear Baby Peter, How could it come to this?
You wanted to hold a rattle, but instead you got a fist.
How terribly they treated you, drunken off the dole,
Your life filled with monsters who beat you without soul
How one so young can be so brave, I think we shall not know
But far too late it was at last, that tears for you did flow
As worse and worse they beat you, suspicion it did raise
But ignored, neglected alas you were,nobody deserves praise
Oh Dear baby Peter, as tender as a dove
A tragedy, it truly is you never were shown love
The mother had two lovers, it is not the natural way
But natural law has broken down in London’s Haringay
When at last it came to it, the final blow to your HEAD
To hospital once more you went, but this time you left DEAD
The man in charge, whose job it is, to take good care of ALL
Has failed you, and many more, its time for him to FALL
@B S Eliot
Good point. Some things really aren’t that funny.
I now feel like a twat.
Girl, Interrupted is enough for me. Not only does it have Brittany Murphy in it – who I’d never heard of, but had seen the movie – but sometimes it can also be Man, Interrupted. Which just makes me feel closer to Angelina Jolie and Winona Ryder. So there you go. Apparently I wank over mentally ill women. And sometimes almost get caught. Just in case you weren’t nudged toward that conclusion. You can send your photos to me via john Adair, c/o HYS, Hull, the Moon.
“The mother had two lovers, it is not the natural way
But natural law has broken down in London’s Haringay”
That’s got a definite air of Betjemen about it – Cockney Amorist type stuff. I bet Jamie T could fit it into his next ballad. Oooh, hark at me.
Or even ‘Betjeman’. Cocks.
Has someone died?
“Has someone died?” – yes, John Betjeman, in 1984. Very sad. It took Warneford87 this long to write a riming pome about it. But then as he/she may not have been born until 1987 I think the delay is partly excusable.
The Warneford is the name of the psychiatric hospital in Oxford. I’m just saying.
Like somebody further up, I was immediately reminded of one of the great War Poets – Baldrick – and his poem to the guns :
Boom, boom, boom, boom,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
Boom, boom ……..
Better than Warneford 87 though.
I got my Christmas Bonus today – a box of chocs and a company logo diary.
Bah! Merry Christmas Readers!
Thanks to Nelson, Kelvin, Alex and NKotB Gainsborg for fighting the forces of darkness with such style all year. SYB is a little flotsam of hope to cling to in a raging sea of vile loathing. Happy Politically Correct Non-Religiously Specific Wishes For The Communal Holiday Season.
Wesolych Swiat.
“In the section of heaven where the hearts have stopped”.
As a boffin, I feel the need to let warneford87 in on a little secret that only scientists know: every dead person’s heart has stopped. All of them. There’s not a single person in heaven whose heart is still pumping, refusing to believe the ugly truth. Of course, Gordon McBroon will be a sort of exception, as he has no heart in the first place (and no, I will not apologise for saying that to the PC-gone-wild briGAYde of za-nEU-LIE-BORE).
Who else suspects warneford87 is a Vogon?
That truly is the worst attempt at poetry I’ve ever read. And I’ve read my Aunty Pat’s efforts.
Actually, I think he could!
What about Eric Morecombe playing Keats?
Two cows chewing grass
High upon an hillock
I thought this time tomorrow
That grass will be mil’k
I think you are forgetting our Lord Jesus, although dead he is alive and has a heart as big as the universe and loves us all.
Shit, where did that come from, sorry all, no need to bring Jesus into it, especially this time of year.
Back to my corner and think about what I have just posted. Won’t do it again, sorry…sorry.. sor….
I just tried rapping it (I’m the only one in the office so far*), thinking that it would make more sense that way, but it still sounds crap.
I just can’t seem to get the “ring a ding dings” bit in at the end. Or the kisses.
* I hope
Except Celine Dion, who has that rare medical condition that causes her heart to go on beating for several years after death
Some nobody from tv-land apparantly. For those who spend most of their disposable time sat in front of the telly I imagine it’s a heartbreaker, and right before christmas and all. I’d never heard of her until she died and still do not feel motivated to go buy a tv to find out what it was that I missed. At a gusee, so talentless right-wing bimbette with a photogenic face, big titties, and rich parents.
One less house for santa this year? So just because one person in the house dies no-one else is allowed presents? Bereavement is hard enough for family and friends without adding a subconscious veneer of resentment beacuse you get one less present. I had no idea Santa was such a c*nt.
You are forgetting Enoch. He did not die but instead went upstairs with the big G himself. JC actually died but Enoch is the boy you are looking for if you are searching for a beating heart in heaven.
If you are prepared to believe all that mumbo-jumbo.
A brilliant pastiche. I applaude!
..applaud.
Sod it.
“You forgot Enoch”
I’ll never forget Enoch I won’t. He was right woz Enoch. Should have listened to him. Bloody hero of mine. Vote BNP. Enoch woz right.
Oh, apart from bringing in all those West Indian nurses of course when he was health secretary. But we won’t mention that will we?
If he liked Brittany so much why don’t he go live there?
Eh? Eh?
“In the section of heaven where hearts have stopped”
There’s probably an angel up there tasked with making sure people get to the right section. “No, madam, you want the stopped hearts section, third cloud on the right…”
Don’t forget Elijah…Taken up to heaven in a chariot of fire.
Wasn’t there a film about that?
Ohhhh. She did the voice of Luanne on King of the Hill.
Actually, without ever knowing her name, I’ve seen fucking loads of her stuff. She was quite good. She was even in one of the Futurama movies.
Aw. I’m sad now.