Armchair Generals and Delusions of Grandeur and Permanently Bewildered22 Dec 2009 10:39 am

He Speaks For His Nation

By Nelson

Now then. What with all this “news” and shit going on, some of you may have missed Richard Thomspon’s decision to appoint Richard Thompson as the American Ambassador to Have Your Say.

The way everyone’s going all up in a tissy over some inches of snow, one would think the four horsemen of the Apocalypse are wreaking havoc over Europe. And these are the same people that lectured us how we couldn’t handle something as powerful as hurricane Katrina?
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

Yeah, those people! Those damn people who lectured you about Katrina! Bah! I’m imagining them right now. They really are the worst imaginary fuckers I’ve ever imagined. One of them has got a very dirty bottom. Gah.

As I’m sure you’re aware, an American Ambassador’s job mainly involves “explaining WWII” to Europe. Thompson certainly doesn’t shirk this duty.

“Europe is a safer place without the US.”
ste, liverpool

Every time the US left Europe fend for herself, a world war broke out. That’s some safe place.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

“Special relationship??? Do me a favour. They only joined WW2 when they got attacked, and then made us re-pay for the next 60+ years for “helping us out”. Some friend eh???”
Mark, Leigh, Lancs

You could be my best friend in the whole wide world, but if I lend you money so that you get out of a big mess, I expect you to pay me back. “Some friend” should apply to those who whine to pay back what they BORROWED. We are not a charity and we didn’t twist your arm to sign lend lease program.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

You’re good at this Ambassador stuff. I do wonder if you’re really speaking on behalf of Americans though.

“Dear BBC,
I am so sorry for the death of Senator Edward Kennedy of the USA. I extend my Sympathy to the American Government for the death of that great hero.”
Bob G. Smith, Buchanan, Liberia

My deepest thanks to you and everyone else for your kind words on behalf of Americans.

And to some of our “friends and allies” here speaking ill of the dead, what a classless sad bunch of venomous snakes you are.

*My apologies to venomous snakes everywhere for the insult.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

Oh. Apparently you are speaking on behalf of Americans. Sorry Richard, I stand corrected. I hadn’t realised that all 300 million of you were rubbish cocks*.

*My apologies to rubbish cocks everywhere for the insult.

I’m beginning to think that your diplomatic skills are wasted on mere Ambassadology. Perhaps it’s time you started thinking about your next role? Everyone’s awful confused about climate change right now and Have Your Say sorely needs a straight-taking Massive Chief Scientist who’ll share his inklings about that shit.

39 Responses to “He Speaks For His Nation”

  1. on 22 Dec 2009 at 11:06 am   Oaf

    Have Your Say sorely needs a straight-taking Massive Chief Scientist

    I could do that. I read a book about science once so I know all about it.

  2. on 22 Dec 2009 at 11:20 am   Jones

    classless sad bunch

    And I thought Americans invented the classless society.

  3. on 22 Dec 2009 at 11:21 am   That Bloke in the Corner

    Richard is wasted in America, can we not bundle him into a capsule and fire him off to the farthest regions of the known universe to be ambassador for the world?

  4. on 22 Dec 2009 at 11:46 am   feral teenager

    what an abject cunt.

  5. on 22 Dec 2009 at 12:02 pm   Philbert

    And these are the same people that lectured us how we couldn’t handle something as powerful as hurricane Katrina?

    Ha, yeah! You sure showed those assholes, right?

  6. on 22 Dec 2009 at 12:08 pm   Rod Wrongnob

    My deepest thanks to you and everyone else for your kind words on behalf of Americans.

    And to some of our “friends and allies” here speaking ill of the dead, what a classless sad bunch of venomous snakes you are.

    As I remember it, the vast majority of the venomous comments directed at Ted Kennedy after he died came from Americans. Pompous parakeet’s pudendum.

    I wish I knew how to search for personal profiles on HYS. That is, however, about No. 13,000 on my big list of wishes.

  7. on 22 Dec 2009 at 12:37 pm   Father Christmas

    Here you go, Rod!

    http://tinyurl.com/ycwqmgt

  8. on 22 Dec 2009 at 1:28 pm   Schroduck

    I love how practically every comment of his assumes World War II was a rather bad thing that just finished last week, and that the US is allowed to be awful because other countries used to be awful. Case in point:

    “I think you should worry about your own country and the unnecessary wars they are waging in other countries. First put your own house in order, then worry about other people.”

    Zain, Berlin

    Someone hailing from a country that unleashed the two bloodiest wars in history has no room to lecture other countries about waging wars.

    I also rather love the comment where he claims the British are evil and lists all our ex-colonies as proof that foreign interference is bad… except for our colonies in the Americas, of course.

  9. on 22 Dec 2009 at 1:43 pm   Rod Wrongnob

    “Google” eh? I can’t see it catching on, but I suppose I should bookmark it all the same.

    Anyway ta. Nelson’s extracts barely hinted at what a colossal twat he is.

    How many Russians were fighting at Normandy?

    when you reopen the 1972 bloody sunday massacre case … then you can villify us.

    But Yettawa came to Burma of his own accord. He wasn’t sent by the US to seek shelter within Suu Kyi

    Though the last one is just careless writing rather than his usual cocktail of ignorance, arrogance and bile.

  10. on 22 Dec 2009 at 1:45 pm   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

    … And these are the same people that lectured us how we couldn’t handle something as powerful as hurricane Katrina?

    Yep,you’re right on that point. We’d have made sure that some poor white people died as well….

  11. on 22 Dec 2009 at 1:47 pm   That Bloke in the Corner

    cocktail of ignorance, arrogance and bile.

    I’ll just have the one thanks, I’m driving.

  12. on 22 Dec 2009 at 2:18 pm   Alex

    What an abolute monlith of a twat he is.

    The same bullshit about a conflict he does not understand (NI), american arrogance and shit opinions on WW2 and Europe.

  13. on 22 Dec 2009 at 2:27 pm   twopoint6khz

    He may be a titanic twat, but he is at least keen to educate his readership:

    I thought life sentences meant he would be in prison for as long as a human lives, not as long as a goat lives (8 years).

  14. on 22 Dec 2009 at 2:32 pm   Kelvin

    It’s such a shame that Richard H. Thompson of Cape Coral has such a common name that it makes it hard for him to vanity search on Google.

    To make it much easier for him, I’ll say some things like RHT Engineering, Stormwater management, land development permitting and design and Quality, Honesty and Integrity.

    There, now he should have a much easier time finding us.

  15. on 22 Dec 2009 at 2:51 pm   Brown town

    Kelvin you really are a ruthless bastard

  16. on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:06 pm   My Foot Hurts.

    Every time the US left Europe fend for herself, a world war broke out.

    A little egocentric. An alternative interpretation would be that there were no World Wars until the US grew bored of slaughtering aborigines and enslaving black furriners and turned its attention to the world stage. After all, there were no World Wars before then.

    Does this moron have no idea how long Europe’s been around?

    Apparently the US is 234 years old next year. I have a book at home that’s older than that.

  17. on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:33 pm   Adam

    What a titantic twat.

    Well, Merry Xmas IYLISMWDYGLT, you have never failed to remind me what a terrible place the world is.

    God bless us everyone.

  18. on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:50 pm   Goldstein

    Those library fees won’t just go away, Hurts.

  19. on 22 Dec 2009 at 3:55 pm   Oaf

    I thought life sentences meant he would be in prison for as long as a human lives, not as long as a goat lives (8 years).

    I quite like that…….. I like goats too!

  20. on 22 Dec 2009 at 4:52 pm   pigfrottage

    Oaf,

    You are Aberforth Dumbledore and I claim my £5.

  21. on 22 Dec 2009 at 4:58 pm   szaleniec1000

    “How many Russians were fighting at Normandy?”

    How many Americans were fighting at Stalingrad?

  22. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:14 pm   Loztralia

    Loving the Katrina comparison. I don’t live in Europe but I must admit I’m surprised the corpses floating in the streets because of the snow haven’t made the news even over here.

  23. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:37 pm   Clovis Sangrail

    I’d just like to say – happy Xmas one and all – but not you Richard Thompson, definitely not you. szaleniec1000 beat me to the comment that I really wanted to make.

  24. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:51 pm   Lell

    “Stormwater Management”
    I say we blame him entirely for the Katrina outcome.

  25. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:51 pm   Jude Law

    How many Americans were fighting at Stalingrad?

    Well, Ed Harris was pretty handy with his sniper rifle, for one.

  26. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:57 pm   Olivia

    Guys, you’ve all missed the great mitigating factor here. Cape Coral is in Florida. It is therefore safe to assume that Richard is a hundred and ninety-five years old and only discovered the Internet once consigned to bed rest to recover from injuries sustained while trying to shoot an alligator from the back seat of a station wagon. He might not even be typing; that’s probably lizards and sharks and palm trees and shit running over the keyboard. His nurse is on the porch, sharing his morphine injections with her toddler. She left the screen door open. Give him a break, and let him be strangled by that escaped Burmese python in peace.

  27. on 22 Dec 2009 at 5:59 pm   Throbbe

    Damn you Kelvin, there I was assuming that one of the greatest songwriters/guitarists of his generation was, despite appearances, american and an enormous pair of narwhals nadgers.

  28. on 22 Dec 2009 at 10:21 pm   Mim

    Well, he lives in America. He might have gone native. And wrong.

  29. on 22 Dec 2009 at 10:38 pm   jpr

    How many Russians were fighting at Normandy

    A few, I think, although they may have been wearing German uniforms. There’s also a story (possibly apocryphal) that the Americans captured some Koreans there as well.

  30. on 22 Dec 2009 at 10:41 pm   Jesus Chris

    The way everyone’s going all up in a tissy over some inches of snow, one would think the four horsemen of the Apocalypse are wreaking havoc over Europe. And these are the same people that lectured us how we couldn’t handle something as powerful as hurricane Katrina?
    Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

    You forget that Richard probably thinks that America handled Katrina quite well. After all, a lot of black people died.*

    *Yes, I’m suggesting that Richard is a racist.**

    **Yes, I know that Sir Alf Ramsey’s Porn Dungeon got there before me, but I phrased it differently.***

    ***I have nothing else to say.****

    ****Except this:

    when you reopen the 1972 bloody sunday massacre case … then you can villify us.

    That inquiry has been ongoing since 1998. I’ve got the villification set at the ready – where do we start?

  31. on 23 Dec 2009 at 12:15 am   Hootie McBoob

    This has confirmed the fact that I need to take a break from this site over Christmas.

    I need enjoy my kiddies joy when opening their presents, before they realise I couldn’t get them the PS Xbox piss console they wanted and knifecrime me and their dad in the head.

  32. on 23 Dec 2009 at 6:10 am   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

    @Jesus Chris, yes, and much better – thanks for returning to the point that Richard is as racist as Hitler’s Hovawart’s* hairy hymen.

    *and that’s what the internet is for, never before could a drunk in Australia search for “German dog breeds beging with “H”"….
    Happy Christmas, ya’ll

  33. on 23 Dec 2009 at 6:18 am   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon

    … and by much better I meant YOU said it better. Sorry if that wasn’t clear from the get go.

  34. on 23 Dec 2009 at 9:35 am   My Foot Hurts.

    @ Goldstein

    Well, you know how it is. You keep thinking “I’ll take it back tomorrow” and before you know it three centuries have passed.

    As I officially finish work in three and a bit hours (until next year anyway) and expect to be too busy making merry to consult the internets, I’ll take this opportunity to wish all at SYB a very happy Christmas – or as Funny Peculiar so brilliantly put it in the last thread: Happy Politically Correct Non-Religiously Specific Wishes For The Communal Holiday Season.

    Here’s to a whole new year of slagging off the stupids…

  35. on 23 Dec 2009 at 11:41 am   Jesus Chris

    Sir Alf Ramsey’s Porn Dungeon

    … and by much better I meant YOU said it better. Sorry if that wasn’t clear from the get go.

    Oh, it was. Like most people on the internet, I approach all situations with a misplaced sense of my own superiority.

    Murry Chrussmus, My Foot Hurts. Here’s hoping that 2010 doesn’t see the main spread to your balls.

  36. on 23 Dec 2009 at 11:41 am   Jesus Chris

    Or the pain, even.

  37. on 23 Dec 2009 at 12:53 pm   Oaf

    You are Aberforth Dumbledore and I claim my £5.

    Sorry. It’s only £3.50 and you have to have it in Green Shield stamps.

  38. on 23 Dec 2009 at 12:56 pm   Mim

    Foot, what is this book of yours? I am intrigued and sightly excited.

  39. on 25 Dec 2009 at 5:08 am   Deacon Lowdown

    Richard, those people who lectured us on how we couldn’t handle Katrina were right.