Plain Weird and Self-appointed Sages and Shit Sherlocks30 Dec 2009 11:19 am
By Alex

Do children contribute to climate change? Try and picture Mirembe Brenda, the movie’s speccy, bookish protagonist, poring over a computer screen (if it’s sci-fi) or an ancient leatherbound tome (if it’s horror/fantasy) before explaining this inescapable and terrifying conclusion to the camera:

CHILDREN CONTRIBUTING TO CLIMATIC CHANGES? YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
HIGH BIRTH RATES =HIGH POPULATION
HIGH POPULATION=OVER EXPLOITATION OF EXISTING NATURAL RESOURCES

END RESULT IS NO RAINFALL ,DROUGHT, FAMINE AND FLOODS
YOUR RIGHT, THEY DO CONTRIBUTE TO CLIMATE CHANGES

mirembe brenda, kampala

My God! We’ve got to get to a petting zoo. And fast!

29 Responses to “Climatic Plot Twist”

  1. on 30 Dec 2009 at 11:52 am Mal

    Looks like Herod had the right idea after all.

  2. on 30 Dec 2009 at 12:00 pm Ed aka Ghost of Cuger-Jaggar, PhD

    You know, I think they could solve their overpopulation problem by promoting homosexuality.

  3. on 30 Dec 2009 at 12:08 pm Philbert

    Drought and floods? By God, these children are cunning devils.

  4. on 30 Dec 2009 at 12:17 pm brown town

    This is making me wish I had read The Midwich Cuckoos, although it was the Kraken who changed the climate, to try and wipe us out.

    Where have these children come from, and what do they want?

  5. on 30 Dec 2009 at 1:45 pm BloodyPCFeminazi

    Surely, overpopulation leading to humanitarian crises, the increasingly rapid depletion of natural resources and the subsequent detrimental effects on the environment and climate isn’t a controversial new theory?

    Admittedly, blaming climate change solely on children is a startling new way of looking at it, but the idea that overpopulation leads to humanitarian/environmental/climatic catastrophe is nothing new. And it’s very possible that Mirembe Brenda just didn’t know the right terms – perhaps English is his/her second language, so s/he was putting it clumsily. I don’t like the word or theory anyway – tends to be used by those who don’t see themselves and their families as part of the ‘problem.’

  6. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:07 pm Kelvin

    Surely, overpopulation leading to humanitarian crises, the increasingly rapid depletion of natural resources and the subsequent detrimental effects on the environment and climate isn’t a controversial new theory?

    YOUR RIGHT =I CANT SEE ANY REASON TO MOCK THIS POST.

  7. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:31 pm Ceannair

    YOUR RIGHT =I CANT SEE ANY REASON TO MOCK THIS POST.

    Nice.

    The dilemma with most of these fucknuts is where to start mocking!!

  8. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:31 pm Mr Cat

    Check it out – Dennis Junior is back with a bang:

    Do children contribute to climate change? {Maybe}

    Would you have fewer children if you felt it would save the environment? {Yes}

    What if you only had daughters? {I would be happy}

    Does it make you less of a man or woman to have a small family? {No}

    Should Africa, like China, have a one-child policy? {Yes}

    -Dennis Junior-

    [dennisjunior1] >/blockquote>

    I love Dennis Junior – He’s the male equivalent of Catherine Oliver. Some of his other posts:

    DEBATE:Do you like Christmas songs?

    COMMENT:Do you like Christmas songs? [Yes]

    What is your favourite Christmas song? [Couple]

    What makes a good Christmas tune? [Many things, vocals-the artists and etc...]

    =Dennis Junior=

    DEBATE:How much are you spending on Christmas?

    COMMENT:How much are you spending on Christmas? ($50)

    Young people say they’re spending more money on Christmas than last year, despite the recession – are you? (Yes)

    Is it more than last year? (No)

    Why do you think young people are spending more this year? (Maybe, they have more resources)

    =Dennis Junior=

    the best thing about him is that he switches between different types of brackets to answer the questions.

    Back on topic – is there a reason why even the BBC seems to pander to HYS racism by assuming Africa to be a single country “like China”?

  9. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:32 pm Mr Cat

    shite – can one of the mods please sort out my blockquotes?

  10. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:36 pm Theodore

    Mirembe may have received a first class education in Africa.
    Mirembe might be just plain stupid.
    To post something on HYS does suggest some mental abnormality.

  11. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:45 pm millie

    Would you have fewer children if you felt it would save the environment? What if you only had daughters?

    EEuwuwwww! Imagine only having girls?

    Who writes this crap?

  12. on 30 Dec 2009 at 2:48 pm millie

    Mirembe might be just plain stupid.

    She is right though.

  13. on 30 Dec 2009 at 4:07 pm BloodyPCFeminazi

    Theodore: Agreed. I suppose it’s possible that Mirembe and many of the other HYS posters aren’t actually adults – God knows, half of them seem to have the mental age and education level of a backward six-year-old, so it’s often difficult to tell the adults apart from any children who might stray onto the site. I’ve noticed that many teenagers and Twitterfolk (who often seem to exhibit HYS-style room temperature IQs), even those whose first language is nominally English, have difficulties with distinguishing between when upper and lower case should be used, as well as with basic grammar and punctuation, including the massive overuse of exclamation marks.

    Or maybe s/he is just a standard HYS idiot.

  14. on 30 Dec 2009 at 4:38 pm brown town

    @ millie

    Mirembe might be just plain stupid.

    She is right though.

    WTF?

    END RESULT IS NO RAINFALL ,DROUGHT, FAMINE AND FLOODS

    So you are saying that if I have 3 kids instead of one it will never rain again? and somehow there will be still be floods.

    Maybe she means floods of tears…

  15. on 30 Dec 2009 at 6:16 pm BloodyPCFeminazi

    brown town: I think s/he is talking about overpopulation on the global level and the depletion of resources leading to environmental and climatic problems that many believe could result from that – not just himself/herself, you, me or any other individual specifically.

  16. on 30 Dec 2009 at 7:44 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    Don’t worry, I’ve seen Avatar and James Cameron doesn’t flag up over-population as an eco-worry, so we can all relax. Bombing magical trees, however, is a serious concern. Why isn’t HYS asking people’s opinions on magical trees? Because it’s a ZaNuLieBore conspiracy, that’s why! Won’t somebody think of the magical trees (and children)?

    PS Surely I’m not the only one who sees that her name is Brenda Mirembe and she’s just writing her surname first?

  17. on 30 Dec 2009 at 7:56 pm Kelvin

    brown town: I think s/he is talking about overpopulation on the global level and the depletion of resources leading to environmental and climatic problems that many believe could result from that – not just himself/herself, you, me or any other individual specifically.

    I don’t presume to speak for Alex here but I don’t think he’s saying she’s not right. I think what he’s poking fun at (hence the dramatic movie* setting) is the way she’s being all dramatic-revelationy over something that everyone already bloody knows. Or the way that her post effectively forms an argument with herself where she ends up agreeing with herself.

    *I want to pretend it’s a Dan Brown movie but the dialogue is too well-written.

  18. on 30 Dec 2009 at 8:01 pm Fish

    Can we have more cuntulents to laugh at, rather than semi-literate at-least-pointing-in-the-right-direction-even-if-they-don’t-express-it-very-well people to argue about?

  19. on 30 Dec 2009 at 8:05 pm Kelvin

    No.

  20. on 30 Dec 2009 at 8:45 pm BloodyPCFeminazi

    Oh, sorry Kelvin, was being dim. D’oh here.

  21. on 31 Dec 2009 at 12:11 am Jones

    Can we have more cuntulents to laugh at, rather than semi-literate at-least-pointing-in-the-right-direction-even-if-they-don’t-express-it-very-well people to argue about?

    If its posted on HYS its immediately a target. Plus, Mirembe Brenda’s style is less semi-literate, more like some bizarre high-level programing language. Sort of as if the HYS servers followed through on a fart.

  22. on 31 Dec 2009 at 1:03 am Cab Grunter

    Personally I blame semen and very poor disco lighting. That and Croydon.

    Abstinence programmes seem to be doing a cracking job though.

  23. on 31 Dec 2009 at 1:41 am Mal

    Although probably not in this case but ‘overpopulation’ is generally HYS speak for ‘too many brown people’.

  24. on 31 Dec 2009 at 9:50 am That Bloke in the Corner

    You know what,I blame the parents.Feckless parents bringing tribes of feckless children into the world, expecting state handouts, not working,Nuliabore,Gordon Brown,immigration etc, etc, etc, ……

    Just trying to get into the mindset of the standard HYStwat,don’t try it folks, it really hurts, I carried out the experiment so you don’t have to.

  25. on 31 Dec 2009 at 10:53 am brown town

    Maybe I’m being pedantic (isn’t that the point though) but I thought it was funny the way mirembe leaps from stating the obvious to stating the nuts.

    Even the most extreme w Internationalist reader wouldn’t suggest that overpopulation would “= NO RAINFALL”.

    For that to happen the global temperature would have to change by quite a lot and if the world was hot/cold enough to stop the water cycle, a few brown people not having kids wont make much of a difference.

  26. on 31 Dec 2009 at 10:54 am brown town

    damn it, that was supposed to say “new internationalist”

  27. on 31 Dec 2009 at 3:05 pm sprog

    Ok, she has conflated consumption of available resources with carbon-induced climate change and she has the prose style of a spambot, but they do have drought, famine and floods in Uganda. I think she can be excused for having only a vague sense of how they are related.

    The HYS Africa team have been clever with this one. They have made it seem as though they wanted to elicit the various opinions around Africa regarding a problem which effects them disproportionately. In fact, they have devised a fiendish challenge for UK and US HYSers: They have the opportunity to nurture their inner eugenicist but to do so they must first acknowledge man-made climate change. The winning entry is from Exasperated Brit who resents everyone thinking he’s a cunt just because he’s a cunt:


    “Africans should decide the number of children to have”.

    Chimaoge Okezue, London, UK/Onitsha City, Nigeria

    No problem, as long as I am not expected to put my hand in my pocket at the first sight of a charity box to feed starving children in Africa.

    Exasperated Brit, London, United Kingdom

  28. on 01 Jan 2010 at 4:27 pm Mickey Bloody Finn

    ‘mirembe brenda’ is commodore amiga speak from the 90s.
    you’ve been had lads.
    it even speaks like a basic program

  29. on 03 Jan 2010 at 12:25 am Jesus Chris

    Kelvin

    Surely, overpopulation leading to humanitarian crises, the increasingly rapid depletion of natural resources and the subsequent detrimental effects on the environment and climate isn’t a controversial new theory?

    YOUR RIGHT =I CANT SEE ANY REASON TO MOCK THIS POST.

    I happen to know that the official language of Uganda is English, only you have to put it all in capitals to be understood.