Paper-Panties, Intimate Body Searches (Not Wanking)
By KelvinWe’ve already showcased some of the more hysterical, racist and impractical suggestions for “improving” airport “security”, but what do the pants-pooing mentals think? Here’s our old chum Stephen Dawson to speak for them.
Paper-panties, cloth-gowns & slippers available TODAY in hospitals; removing ALL clothes [returned post-landing] with intimate body-search inevitable ‘price-worth-paying’
NO hand-luggage, duty-free should be allowed in the passenger-cabin; those willing to-die on-board should NOT be confused with the IRA…
Cargo-luggage should be treated as freight; collected & moved to ‘bonded-ware-house’ for examination weeks, if not months, before EVERY flight.
HomelandSecDB…; choice-of-one.
Stephen Dawson, Manchester, United Kingdom
RECOMMENDED BY: 4 people
Four people? FOUR PEOPLE? Four people, you are wasting your time on HYS if you can decode this into a statement that can be agreed or disagreed with. You need to be at GCHQ monitoring terrorist chatter. Four people, in a very real sense, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab made it onto that plane because of YOU.
(Also, every plane to have designated “grumble seats” where Stephen Dawson can sit in his paper panties thinking about Summer Glau.)
60 Responses to “Paper-Panties, Intimate Body Searches (Not Wanking)”
These offers won’t last! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Methinks that those four who did the recommending of Stephen’s post are seeing job opportunities in the “conducting intimate body searches on those they pick out of the check-in queue” industry, and then compiling photographic records of the best ones to share with each other.
“Look – a damp-patch on the paper panties…… hang on a minute……. I’ll be right back”.
Eh ??
Is-he-saying that the IRA don’t want to die ?
Personally I’ve always thought that the reusable bomber was much more cost-effective than a suicide chap.
Like cotton nappies v. disposables.
We’re saving the planet one bomb at a time!!
Stephen Dawson is a brilliant loonbomb. His posts are ntohing but a free range stream of conciousness and gibbering.
Is it that thing about suicide bombers all being coward… so the nice “plant a bomb and run away” type of bombing the IRA took part in must be quite heroic and bold in comparison and shouldn’t be confused with the forruns… or something??
Punter: Flight to Malaga please.
Travel Agent: Will that be IRA or willing to die on board, sir?
Punter: I am Stephen Dawson.
Travel Agent: Of course, the grumble seats! Here is your ticket Mr Dawson. Check-in is 3 months ago.
Punter: I will send terminatrix sweet SummerGlau back to do it.
Travel Agent: OK. Will there be anything else?
Punter: Do I get my panties now?
Come on now, Stephen Dawson doesn’t wank over Summer Glau, what a ridiculous idea.
Do you like Christmas songs?
There’s always someone who takes Brass Eye too seriously.
Don’t know whether to be more disturbed by him thinking that livestock is grown in greenhouses, or by his use of scare quotes around the word ‘girl’. Is she only nominally a girl because she is Asian or because she is a road?
Shamefully, I think I understand that part of what he said. He might be referring to a speculative article from New Scientist a few years back called Ecopolis Now which examines positive ways that city planning could contribute to feeding the population and tightening the loops around issues like food miles.
Or he might be talking about a film he once saw that had a fit bird in it.
Oooo, that’s better, a proper wankhead.
Strange that. Some bloke tries to blow up a transatlantic airplane and all the major news networks have it as their top story, completely ignoring the Hot Topic of whether Dawson is wanking over Twiggy or not.
Ah, I’ve got it now. From an October credit crunch thread;
Hint, hint.
That must have been an uncomfortable relationship with his mother
The man has a bizarre obsession with the weather. Fair enough when that is the topic:
How are you coping with the weather?
But he seems willing to bring it in to any discussion:
Would you watch an election debate between the main UK party leaders?
And I mean any discussion:
What is your reaction to Iran’s nuclear weapons denial?
How does he find the intellectual focus to keep breathing?
As should Stephen Dawson
@That Bloke in the corner
After all, if he likes bonded-ware-house-s so much…
Argh! The way Mr. Dawson uses hyphens/ dashes/ whatever is seriously making me want to die.
What a certified-clam’s-clunge.
[blockquotes] Personally I’ve always thought that the reusable bomber was much more cost-effective than a suicide chap.[/blockquotes]
well, not when you factor in the double time for anniversaries, the air miles and the insurance. For a dirty job the temps are always best…
fucking blockquotes fail.
A very easy mistake and I sympathise. We all have learned mistakes. For example, when My Better Half is trying to direct my driving she’ll say, “Right at the next lights.”
and, cos I know her, I’ll say, “Your right or my right.”
and she’ll say, “err… my right”
and I’ll turn left because we have learned and adjusted to her hard-wired confusion like mature adults.
In the same tolerant vein, when I’m hurling abuse at my foreign neighbours and I’m caught up in an orgasmic torrent of self-righteous ranting, I’ll often scream, “You Fenian Cunts! Your Gerry fucking Adams and all his IR fucking A can kiss my British arse!”
and, cos they know me, they’ll say, “Err… is that your IRA or our IRA?”
and I’ll say, “err… My IRA.”
and then they’ll threaten to put a fully-loaded passenger jet under my house.
I like to read Stephen’s posts in a broken computer out of Star Trek voice.
I wonder if he speaks like he types?
Close. I think all the – unnecessary-hyphenation, is because he’s actually doing a Captain Kirk impression.
RECOMMENDED BY: 4 people; 1 person, 0 people, 3 people
Are they the SAME people ? Maybe even ‘girls’?
Do they ALL like wearing paper-panties; ‘bonded warehouses’ and MATING RITUALS ?
Choice-of-four
Catherine Oliver appears to have a new nom-de-plume, bless her.
From the Dr Who discussion:
Is there any actual evidence for that really or is it just an HYS style yawning leap of the imagination (and was it yawning before you got there?)
It’s the latter. I was attempting an ironic reference primarily to the first sentence of ‘blue’s post, but also to the post as a whole. I appear to have failed. I shall now go and defenestrate myself as a penance.
Ah, the Dr. Who thread …
He also buys condoms every month too.
The gift that keeps on giving.
Animals© anuses like Pete will be first against the wall© come the revolution.
Damn, superscript fail.
Fly with Air Dawson. We care more about your life and less about actually getting you to your destination. Also, we’ll keep your stuff for months before you fly, so you don’t get to use it. And don’t worry, if that means we’ve now got all your clothes, paper-panties, cloth-gowns & slippers available TODAY in hospitals.
Mental hospitals.
They used to work?
to close your blockquote tags
It’s like having your face raped by sudo HTML.
Psuedo or Sumo? Cos the image of a Fat Japanese man… Oh I digress.
Is ‘pseudo’ the word everyone’s after?
[blockquote]Google “the protocols of the elders of zion” and you will understand why.[/blockquote]
Whut? HYS is a giant hoax, and only morons still believe it’s real?
Gah, they really believe HYS matters, don’t they?
My first fail of the year! Result!
“Tim nice but dim”‘s quote from Liberal_left_bias got me looking at more of (BNP gobshite) Liberal’s efforts in HYS, and I found the following under How can we stop rising unemployment?
Hrm… Can’t read words without them sounding like Rorschach’s…. Must investigate.
That’s curious, because quadratic equations are on the GCSE syllabus and the A-Level syllabus is almost entirely calculus and its related tools. I’d say this “lad” was completely made up to prove an unprovable point, but that wouldn’t be like Liberal_left_bias’ normal MO at all.
*insert Tintin reference*
So, this old bloke starts on at me about explaining ‘quadraphic’ equations. I told him I didn’t have a fucking clue to get him to fuck off and that it would be £10 for the handjob.
Calcumus is part of the Zionist conspiracy! Britain awake!
You’re right about the calculus for gcse, and very boring it is too. I nearly went off into a rant about uselessness of the whole thing, before realising how like some of the HYS goons i might sound.
Algebra was invented by brown-skinned forruns anyway, the indigenous population of England(not Europe) should have nothing to do with it.
Talking of equations, here’s a couple of algorithms for beating pesky tea-towel heads, HYS-style.
X = the amount of bullshit in an HYS post.
Y = the number of HYS recommendations.
Their relationship can be expressed as X = 4.75Y.
Plot a graph of this relationship on the graph-paper provided. If a post contains 14.35 Bullshits, how many votes will it receive? (6 marks) (GCSE Maths, Paper 1, Cambridge, 2005)
I don’t know, ask Vincent van Dicksplash.
@quadraphic egaution
HA HA HA.
@funny peculiar
Write on one side of the paper only, preferably the outside.
On a blog about whether Avatar is racist:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/markmardell/2010/01/is_blue_the_new_black_why_some.html#P90494685
Both algebra and algorithms are not just forun, they are arabic, i.e. muslim and have no place in christian math. We should also immediately stop using arabic numerals. Obviously this would have some effect on flight schedules and all the departure boards would need to be changed – unless they are ‘electronic’ in which case they can be reprogrammed to show the departures in ENGLISH. All planes should also taxi to their destinations as a security procedure which would allow people to jump out if there was a bomb (not IRA) on board. No planes should taxi in areas where badgers live.
..and you’d have received a good slapping from me (not to mention any engineers around here), seeing as how it’s my birthday and that..
That’s aeroplane.
And I am Oaf, not Oafo!
They all must have decided that, far from being a paranoid parakeet’s part who shouldn’t be left to play with hyphens unsupervised, Dawson was implying that these steps are the sort of thing that The PC Police/Liberal Mafia/Health-and-Safety Division will be bringing in next, and wished it to be known that they Got the Joke.
They can’t have mistaken it for a genuine Common Sense idea, because the proposal doesn’t make life considerably harder only for groups of people that don’t include typical HYS posters.
GET BACK TO CHELTENHAM AND SAVE US FROM ALL THE TERROR!
I think this may be the Asian ‘girl’ that Dawson was referring to?
http://www.waterlooroad.co.uk/characters/jasmine.html
No offense to Stephen Hawking, but in my head I hear the Dawson’s post in his ‘voice’.Someone referred to him as the spambot of the future – amen!
That should be ‘posts.’ Also, spacing fail.