More Practical Suggestions (Not Racist)
By AlexThanks to Void for these submissions from the gobshite goldmine. What I found interesting about these three is that they’ve all decided how everything should be run to fit their petty preferences and personal prejudices, and just want a chance to test them out on a plane. For example, Sven Goonson would like Gordon Brown to stop being such a Nazi and do some proper racism.
Oh for god’s sake, what a typical BBC discussion – the answer is obviously no. I suppose the Beeb doesn’t have to suffer the turmoil that us silent majority have to face waiting hours on end in airports packed like sardine cans.
All we need is racial profiling to keep an eye on the people that are most likely to be terrorists, though I suppose Führer Brown wouldn’t dream of being oh so un-PC.
I heard that they even check people in wheelchairs at security. Utter farce.
Sven Goonson, ZaNuLab free zone, United Kingdom
Meanwhile George has a more difficult conundrum: he needs to come up with a way to prevent bombings, but all he can ever think of is bombs.
No. the problem is th US is a wimp now. If a terrorist blows a bomb up in Iraq, we should carpet bomb that neighborhood. that sends the message to the local people to stop terrorists or their block will be destroyed. It a terrorist attempts or succeds in using a bomb on a plane, no more flights in or out of that country for 10 years to the US.
BUt I am sure Obama thinks that is “cruel”.George, Stuart
It’s harsh, but what patriotic British terrorist would ever risk such consequences?
At least Paul here has a less genocidal axe to grind, and I think we should be kind and take him at his word and assume he’s NOT RACIST IN THE SLIGHTEST and ONLY hates Pakis for their funny names.
I’m sorry , but people with long names ,double barreled or just plain time wastingly long should have to pass through a special desk for checking .Can i say this without being accused of sounding racist (which i’m not), he wasn’t called Jim Smith was he ? I have to spell out even my common name quite often…how long it must take some people to have their names checked i dread to think.. (if indeed they are) Strip search with light refreshments provided is the only way!
PAUL WILLIAMS, MANCHESTER, United Kingdom
Of course, there’s an ulterior motive at work here. For all his feigned concern, Paul really just wants to get anally fingered then given tea and biscuits.
54 Responses to “More Practical Suggestions (Not Racist)”
…first
Great idea. Don’t just blame the victims, bomb them.
Yes, Paul Williams, the way we’ll win ‘the war on terror’ is by going all Gitmo on anyone with any name more exotic than John or Ann Smith. I think what you really mean is ‘I’m so thick that I take it as a personal offence when others have names I find hard to spell or pronounce. For example, I never know in which order the e and a goes in Michael so that name should be made illegal for a start’. Long or unusual names are clearly the most obvious marker of political deviance and no sanction is too harsh to take against the sick perpetrators who so brashly flaunt them.
His logic is also flawed as, under his rules, we’ve got no chance of getting Tara Palmer-Tomkinson to fuck off out of the country.
he just wants to make it like when you give blood i reckon. hopefully he’ll get a silver badge the 25th time he gets the ‘drop them and cough’ treatment
worryingly there was an american politician on the news the other day saying, in barely couched terms, that they need to do things differently for brown people at airports. it’s political correctness gone mentally insane.
That’s a Beatles song isn’t it?
I’m impressed that Sven knows the character entity reference for the umlaut in “F&#uumlhrer”. I suspect he uses the word as an involuntary tic, like Dr. Strangelove. This would also explain his concern for those in wheelchairs.
Bollocks. entity reference fail.
Amazing.
What worries me is how you fail such a basic comprehension exercise, on a story about a Nigerian with a multiple entry US tourist visa, who never set foot in the UK.
He listens to a lot of 80s metal. I’ll warrant.
Apparantly he studied engineering at Imperial College, although as a post-grad his application for a visa extension to do a Ph.D in advanced bomb making and concealment methodologies was denied. So chalk one up to Mr Clown for that one.
Apparently her sister Santa (yes really!) considered keeping her maiden name so she would have been Santa Palmer-Tomkinson Sebag-Montefiore. We’d never get rid of her!
BTW, is “Stuart” a place or just who George is with at the moment ?
Look there was a copy of Hello in the dentists – I plead panic as my reason for looking at it!
Oh and genuine snort moment – thank God there was no food around:
I like Stuart’s idea. It means that if I’m burgled, I’m going to be perfectly entitled to steal stuff from the person who lives next door to the burglar to punish them for not doing more to restrain their naughty neighbour.
Likewise, if I get mugged, I should get a special licence that allows me to punch strangers with impunity for a 72-hour period, just in case they once met the mugger.
I think this might explain everything.
Why is it that the silent majority are always so loud?
I’ve been relatively quiet recently…
What would Sven do about a brown person in a wheelchair, though?
Brown, in a wheelchair, with a long name as well-something like Mustapha Al-Arab-Bhagdaddy, do we let this person fly or give them the rubber glove rummage?
Bomb them.
What, like this harmless old lady?
I suspect Paul Williams has to spell out his name so often because whenever he tells it to someone who has to write it down they go “Paul Williams? Would that be spelt P-R-I-C-K W-A-N-K-S-T-A-I-N?”
@ Rod Wrongnob, according to that he
Is he one of these re-usable suicide bombers? That is an ace picture though.
But then we need to bomb the neighbourhood again to punish them for not stopping the carpet bombing. Then again, and again, and again. All very tricky.
Also, next time I need to fly somewhere, I’m going to change my name to Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F’tang-F’tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel, and then stand just in front of Paul Williams. He should be easy to find, he’ll be the one being dragged off by security after dropping his trousers in the x-ray machine.
As a non-english speaker relying on an online translator he can be forgiven. He also wouldn’t have understood that the debate he generated ignored his problem focusing instead on his description’s merits as a haiku.
It reminded my of HYS nonetheless, since the gibberish translation sounded remarkably similar to the native language of your average HYSer.
That’s me fucked then.
With a middle name like “Colvin”? That’s a red-flag for an internal if I ever heard one. Drop ‘em and bend over, son…
I’m glad somebody finally highlighted the connection between Nazis and Political Correctness (in this case it was Sven Goonson).
A more lily-livered crowd than those Jerries I never met, always tip toing around and afraid to upset anyone. Orthodoxy gone mad, that was the Nazis.
Probly why they lost the War.
Mr Goonson has been at it again, and knock me down with a feather if he hasn’t topped the HYS Opinion Polls!
The real champ here though is Mr Webb, machine-gunning the true Brit’s 2010 wish list from screen to face with not a single word wasted.
With people like this among us, it can only be the Nu LieBour government holding the British spirit back, right?
Amazing how all the most recommended posts are saying exactly the same pro-BNP thing. But then, you can train a pigeon to peck a button…
Beats me why anyone even bothers to moderate HYS; it’s like shit all waiting to be processed through a meat grinder, all waiting to come out, with the most disgusting bits coming out being picked out for approval.
By the way, how can Sven possibly live in a “ZaNuLab free zone” within the UK? Is he living in Sherwood Forest, or something?
It’s good that he’s got his next career sorted out.
If he’s taking the term “politically correct” literally, it does tie in nicely with his proposed security measures … but not the Fuhrer Brown bit.
Probably it’s because he’s pleased with him self for learning the umlaut and has to shoehorn it in at every opportunity. Or he’s a rotting rabbit’s rear receptical. Or he’s both.
Presumably to prove that Paul Williams actually knows how to read and write (I suspect that he, like many HYSers, usually dictate his posts to his mother).
It’s almost worth hoping for a Labour victory at the election just to hack off the HYS ignorati
I love Sven Goonson’s posts. Everyone of them an incoherent treat.
What, do all the white kids bunk off to make the inspectors think the school’s multicultural? (Sorry, multiCULTural. See, it’s clever because I pointed out that the word contains another with a vaguely negative meaning!)
Actually, I’m worried he might be Catherine Oliver’s BNP voting twin:
Maybe it’s a ‘free-zone’, where everything is free, provided by ‘ZaNuLab’? I.e., his local dole office?
Oddly enough, I know a stinking immigrant forun by the name of Jim Smith.
I dunno. They come over here, they take our surnames…
What happens when a CIF poster is required to try and be coherent for more than a five-line rant: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jan/01/intolerance-virtue
Tolerance is good, no, wait, tolerance is bad.
A mountain of manifold marmot minge. (It works, methinks, because marmots live on mountains, or something. If I’m right)
An innocent strays into the festering pus-hole…
..recommendations in the general vicinity of nada, of course.
From the “Which buildings inspire you” HYS:
Yeah, bloody central heating, flushing toilets, lifts, glass windows…all over-rated. Give me a big fucking stone pyramid anyday. Much comfier.
I have to spell my name out too, but it’s not common. [adopts faint air of middle-class smugness]
Your original surname of Luxury-Yacht not posh enough for you? I wonder if Tara and Santa have a sister for you to marry.
And Ceannair – read about her at the dentists, mm-hmm. S’yeah, RIGHT!
PS
So-called because he experienced his first erection when watching Helga in ‘Allo ‘Allo way back when?
Don’t worry, I haven’t even taken my coat off yet.
So, Paul. What do you think is a further benefit of social networking?
So you are an ideas man, Paul. I like that. Any ideas come into your mind recently……….Oh. You have one for me, do you? How clever of you. Let’s have it then.
Ok Paul. I think we can both agree that is quite enough. Don’t let me catch you at it again.
From MoveanyMountain’s vomit on CiF:
Aksherly I know the answer to this one cos it was on QI (pronounced “chi”?): China’s lack of an industrial revolution was because they drank tea rather than wine and so didn’t discover the uses of glass, on which all civilisation is based.
Stephen Fry says so so it must be true. And Stephen Fry tells me that MoveanyMountain is flatulent fennec fox’s fuzzbox.
See, this is why I stopped reading the Guardian. Not because of perpetual self-centred, ill-justified wank disguised as op-ed from the likes of Tanya Gold and Hadley Freeman, but because that perpetual stream of self-centred, ill-justified wank presented under the disguise of op-ed has become infectious to the point where people think that producing a perpetual stream of self-centred, ill-justified wank is the be-all and end-all of debate.
You know, you should have to pay for news online, because then muttonbird’s minges like MoveAnyMountain would only ever buy the fucking Telegraph or the Daily Mail and I could get on reading my liberal pussy nonsense in peace.
Yeah, Oblahma’s such a pussy… I really miss napalm.
I may be missing something, but isn’t the Middle East well stocked with carpets as it is?
Could you? It’s the long black one and my my scarf too thanks.
You know all the carpets in the Middle East ?
Is that why we hear talk of “Allied” bombing ???
It’s next to his, thanks. Fucksticks, I’ve lost a glove.
Spesh, er it was the dentist honestly!!!
blockquotes should fuck off
@brown town: MAM makes sense these days? I had to stop reading what he said as it was making my blood pressure shoot up. I think he won the award due to the fact that there’s noone else who devotes so much time to angrily denouncing anyone who disagrees with him and his deeply reactionary ideas.As such, this article, with its conclusion that British democracy will somehow be served by, among other things, shouting at foreigners, comes as no surprise whatsoever.
He’s the paragon of everything that is bad about internet “debate” – it’s not about your knowledge and understading and the desire to engage with others who may have different views in order to defend them or perhaps modify them in light of new evidence presented in the course of the debate. It’s about beating the other side into submission by sheer, persistent assertion, whether the evidence backs it up or not. It’s a zero-sum, “I-win-you-lose” situation.
In other news, a study published today indicates that bears show an increased tendency to defecate in wooded areas, while in the world of religion the shock discovery of the Pope’s Catholicism continues to reverberate.
I have only read a couple of posts by MAM and they seemed to make sense (especially compared with the other crap on the thread), as you appear to have read more from him I will take your word for it.
I won’t share a link to his supposed sense making, as I’m sure you will quickly point out what a baboon I am.
Wrt to bears, how big was the study? Maybe only some bears shit in the woods. What about Polar bears?
Climate conspirators capture polar bears from the abundant icecaps and release them in wooded areas. Fact.
Some great little englander stuff on this thread:
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/How-it-Works/Question847377-2.html
Sample post from a poster called ‘telephone’, featuring the mysterious word ‘alkieda’ (the provisional wing of Duracell or related terrorist group perhaps?!)
“I have seen nice areas where I grew up and felt comfortable playing in the street with my friends turbed into areas english is a 3rd language and you are intimidated when you walk down the street, churches have been turned into mosques and the area is unrecognisable. These people openly support alkieda and I dont mean that the newspaper says they do, they shout it to each other as they drive down the street. Also there have been several arrests in this area and explosives found as well as terrorist material so please dont judge me! ”
we will have to start looking here for racist gobshites instead of HYS!
@ Schroduck:
Perhaps what he meant to say is that his PC is overloaded with viruses after too many visits to Mail Online to wank, and so he has to have the neighbourhood kiddies round to fix it.
MultiCULTuralism? Sven GOONson! Ha, I am so clever. If I’m right (which I’m not).
As for Paul…
Let us pray that he and Stephen Dawson never meet. Paper-panties, intimate body searches AND light refreshments? God forbid.
Maybe there could be a Facebook thing like there was to stop the X-Factor single being the Christmas Number 1?