Delusions of Grandeur and Outsiders08 Jan 2010 10:10 am
By Nelson

From a Times Online article about G-spots. I could be imagining it but has anyone else noticed how broadsheets seem big on fanny-science but light on cock-theory? Not sure what conclusions we can draw here but maybe there’s a gap for an upmarket monthly called “About Your Dick”.

Thanks to Phil for this one.

Wonderful, the late Dr. Petruska Clarkson must be turning in her grave.

Not only did she research and document when the existence of the G-spot was edited out of anatomical drawings by puritans, she also ran training courses for men on how to find it (it is admittedly somewhat elusive as some excitement is required to make it “reachable”).

Last but not least, I have personal, practical, ergo FACTUAL evidence it exists, to great delight of those I dated (not for the neighbours, but I digress).

I am thus somewhat concerned about this research, the conclusion is as much a mismatch to the facts as the New Labour report on the effectiveness of speed cameras. Maybe this too was a second edition?
Peter Baker

That’s the single most chilling use of the word “reachable” I’ve ever seen.

53 Responses to “Peter Baker – Explorer”

  1. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:15 am Peter Baker's Neighbours

    He’s lying.

  2. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:20 am beet133

    I think we have personal, practical ERGO factual evidence that Peter is indeed a big cock.

  3. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:25 am Al

    I’m actually in awe. He’s managed to combine bragging about his sexual prowess with a rant about speed cameras and New labour. That takes some doing.

    Bet he’s actually fat, bald, ugly, has a microcock and has never been with a woman.

  4. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:26 am That Bloke in the Corner

    No body likes a boaster Peter (especially one who is bullshitting)

  5. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:41 am Fish

    “Those who talk don’t know. Those who know don’t talk” – Lao-Tzu.

  6. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:44 am Peter Baker's other neighbours

    We wish Peter would stop stealing women’s corpses and dissecting their genital regions. Even if it is in the interests of science to count nerve endings in the anterior vaginal wall, it stinks like hell and our drains are permanently blocked. Also, despite what he says, the corpses are not chuckling as he does this; that noise is the sound of trapped methane vacating their digestive tracts. We apologise for this distasteful post, but cannot go living next to Pete any longer.

  7. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:52 am Fish

    “About Your Dick”

    Men’s Health?

  8. on 08 Jan 2010 at 12:13 pm Jones

    Last but not least, I have personal, practical, ergo FACTUAL evidence it exists, to great delight of those I dated (not for the neighbours, but I digress).

    Perhaps he found his own. Locking himself away, alone, in a darkened room, for all eternity is almost certainly the great delight of those he’s dated (if they exist). I also think that his neighbours would rather endure his muffled groans than cross paths with the withered whale’s wang.

  9. on 08 Jan 2010 at 12:30 pm Kelvin

    Well Peter Baker, I have performed The Act of Intercourse with almost three women and I have personal, practical, ergo FACTUAL evidence that the doesn’t exist, and nor does the clitoris. What do you say to THAT?

  10. on 08 Jan 2010 at 12:30 pm Kelvin

    It not the, obviously.

  11. on 08 Jan 2010 at 12:44 pm a different Peter Baker

    I guess it was only time before some asshat with the same name as me cropped up on SYB. My workmates are loving this.

  12. on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:04 pm Nelson

    Men’s Health?

    Ah. I always wondered what that was for. I presumed it was soft gay porn.

  13. on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:29 pm AndyS

    Self praise is no praise Mr Peter Baker.

    what level of excitement is required do you think?

  14. on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:37 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    what level of excitement is required do you think?

    A trip to the Zoo, an ice cream and maybe of you are lucky you can stay up late.

  15. on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:47 pm StealthBadger

    I believe it’s level 14. You also need at least 5 points of charisma and 3 dexterity.

  16. on 08 Jan 2010 at 1:51 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @StealthBadger, that’s only if you are planning to do an Orc, much more excitement required if you want a Unicorn

  17. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:04 pm Ugeine

    “Those who talk don’t know. Those who know don’t talk” – Lao-Tzu.

    That should be the motto for this website!

  18. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:14 pm Virginia Woolf

    Lucie Woolery wrote:
    Lack of expertise in the dental arts is apparently transferable to the sexual realm. Another reason I’m glad to be American.

    wtf !

  19. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:26 pm Jones

    @That bloke…

    I think Peter Baker would rather unicorns that are givers, not takers.

  20. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:30 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    Lucie Woolery wrote:
    Lack of expertise in the dental arts is apparently transferable to the sexual realm. Another reason I’m glad to be American.

    So am I reading this right? Dentists are a crap shag?

  21. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:42 pm RadiatorLizard

    I once overheard a couple of 13 year old boys on a bus discussing the G-spot, which one of them described thusly: “You stick your cock really far up a woman’s fanny and slowly twist from 10 o’clock to 2 o’clock. Then she goes mental and white stuff comes out of her bum.” They also seemed to be under the impression that a woman ejaculates out of her clitoris.

    I still believe that they had more first-hand experience of the subject than Peter Baker.

  22. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:43 pm funny peculiar

    I have personal, practical, ergo FACTUAL evidence it exists, to great delight of those I dated…

    Peter Baker: “And the next slide my dear, is a Milanese 16th century woodcut from Girolamo Fracastoro’s anatomy series. You can clearly see the G-spot. But… compare it with this later 17th century copy; do you see where the G-spot has been expunged by the Puritans. Do you see?”

    His Date (with great delight), “Oh Peter, that’s amazing. More, please, more.”

  23. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:44 pm Kelvin

    Lucie Woolery wrote:
    Lack of expertise in the dental arts is apparently transferable to the sexual realm. Another reason I’m glad to be American.

    I think what she’s saying is, people who inhale their food rather than chewing it (ie Americans) are crap in bed, but she’s glad because she’s so fat herself that she’d never get laid otherwise.

  24. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:54 pm Rob

    Add in some conspiracy theories and an ancient quasi-religious group of ‘baddies’ and you have the makings of a bestselling paperback, funny peculiar.

    Or perhaps the conspiracy could be those dastardly Nu Labour types and their speed camera charges?

  25. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:56 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    Hee Hee, I’ve just found Peter Baker’s American cousin,

    With over 15 years of experience, I have an 85% success rate finding the G-Spot in my female partners. It definitely exists, but everybody is built and hard-wired differently. Explore, experiment, have fun! This is supposed to be about pleasure, not anxiety. If you can’t find it, no big deal. Do other things and enjoy!
    Lawrence, Saint Simons Island, United States

    15 years experience with an 85% success rate eh? Looks impressive on any CV, well if you are apply for the job of Readers Wives test wanker anyway.

  26. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:58 pm Andy Kadir-Buxton

    As a leading scientist I can confirm that women have not one but four G spots. They can be tricky buggers to find unless you have honed you skills in the ancient arts of the tango slap and double fisting.

  27. on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:59 pm melanie philips wanks over pictures of dead muslims

    “That’s the single most chilling use of the word “reachable” I’ve ever seen.”

    Not his fault he’s got short fingers

  28. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:04 pm melanie philips wanks over pictures of dead muslims

    Yet more fun fanny facts, this time from the Indy,

    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/taboo-tolerance/the-gspot-and-other-myths-about-sex-1857635.html

  29. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:11 pm Ceannair

    With over 15 years of experience, I have an 85% success rate finding the G-Spot in my female partners.

    I’m not sure what bothers me more here, the fact that he seems to be keeping some sort of post-coital spreadsheet and marking himself – or the fate of the other 15%!

  30. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:18 pm S

    Of course, the obvious solution (ask a lesbian) would not occur to HYS as lesbians do not exist.

  31. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:27 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    @ S, but lesbians do exist in HYS land, they are the ones who get all the Nuliabore benefits and funding for loonyleft projects

  32. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:37 pm SlantedScience

    If Peter thinks human males have a tough time pleasing their partners, he needs to check out the frankly fucking bizarre things other species have to resort to for a bit of loving. Sadly, I don’t know how to make it all fancy and clickable, so you’ll have to go retro and copy/paste them.

    http://www.slantedscience.com/2010/01/07/ladies-be-thankful-male-fruit-flies-need-their-penises-to-be-spiky-for-sex/#more-897

    http://www.slantedscience.com/2009/12/26/look-at-this-hot-video-of-duck-penises-ejaculating/

  33. on 08 Jan 2010 at 3:39 pm SlantedScience

    Ooh, look at that: automatic clickability! Thanks, internet.

  34. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:07 pm Ugly Newt

    would not occur to HYS as lesbians do not exist

    …except when they’re deliberately being neither white nor able-bodied. When they do that, the honest English (not British) workers are put out of a job, and have to post on HYS instead.

  35. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:08 pm internet

    Happy to help.

  36. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:09 pm That Bloke in the Corner

    GIven the amount of comments on this thread, I think Nelson has hit the spot.

    No need, I haven’t unzipped the Anorak, I’ll just leave quietly

  37. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:17 pm funny peculiar

    There’s a 4G spot on the rollercoaster at Alton Towers. It made my missus go all googly-eyed.

  38. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:21 pm Ceannair

    No need, I haven’t unzipped the Anorak

    Okay, mouthful of tea and Creme Egg all over monitor.

  39. on 08 Jan 2010 at 4:41 pm JustDie

    Last but not least, I have personal, practical, ergo FACTUAL evidence it exists, to great delight of those I dated (not for the neighbours, but I digress).

    I think they are getting confused between air-valve and g-spot (or it might be called that on some models now?)

  40. on 08 Jan 2010 at 5:03 pm Hissy Fit

    Tony Cook wrote:
    As an elderly, nigh past it male, I can confirm from experience gained years ago in the back of my car that there is most certainly in some women a spot inside the vagina discrete from the clitoris that when stimulated causes an intense climax.

    And not necessarily in younger women either.

    Whether it is the fabled “G” spot fellows I don’t know but its there alright.

  41. on 08 Jan 2010 at 5:23 pm ColJohnMatrix

    ““You stick your cock really far up a woman’s fanny and slowly twist from 10 o’clock to 2 o’clock. ”

    Twist for 4 hours? No chance. My missus is lucky if she gets 4 seconds.

  42. on 08 Jan 2010 at 5:26 pm Petpete

    I have failed in every attempt to find this mythical thing… and proud!

  43. on 08 Jan 2010 at 7:33 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    @RadiatorLizard – whilst that is hilarious, you’d be amazed/despairing at how man adult men think women do a weewee out of their vaginas [withering sigh]

    Not his fault he’s got short fingers

    Actually, that’d make him better at g-spot fiddling.

    Moving swiftly on…

  44. on 08 Jan 2010 at 7:57 pm Johnny Awkward

    “Yeah, let’s not let the pesky fact that 2009 was one on the hottest years on record”

    But it was also very rainy, so the hotness didn’t count. Didn’t you know – Global Warming means we’ll have nice hot summers and mild winters? It must mean that, because that would be nice.

  45. on 08 Jan 2010 at 7:58 pm Johnny Awkward

    Oops, dumbass me.

  46. on 08 Jan 2010 at 8:56 pm Pirate Pete

    I hate it when I have no terms of reference to allow me to contribute to a thread

    *storms off*

  47. on 08 Jan 2010 at 10:06 pm Ed aka Ghost of Cuger-Jaggar, PhD

    Couldn’t you work something in on the lesbians, Pete? You know, as a homosexualist.

    (This comment comes pre-fnarred, for your enjoyment)

  48. on 08 Jan 2010 at 10:22 pm Peter Baker's Neighbour's kids

    Mr Baker told us if we drink his Jesus Juice, take our underwear off and close our eyes, the G-Spot fairy appears and we all get to go to Disneyworld.

  49. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:28 pm I'm Andy Kadir-Buxton and so's my wife

    Peter Baker is a total amateur. Forget the G-spot, I can put my hands in a lady’s fallopian tubes and remove bacteria and stray lesbians. Or something.

  50. on 08 Jan 2010 at 11:36 pm Jesus Chris

    Pirate Pete

    I hate it when I have no terms of reference to allow me to contribute to a thread

    *storms off*

    You could talk about prostates and things. That might help.

  51. on 09 Jan 2010 at 7:50 pm Alex

    I once thought I’d found the male g-spot, but it turned out to be a piece of sweetcorn.

  52. on 11 Jan 2010 at 3:40 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    Every so often, I think I should have chosen another career, like G-Spot hunter.

    Ok, it may not be such a thrill-a-minute ride as IT support manager, but it certainly would get me up in the mornings.

  53. on 16 Jan 2010 at 1:32 pm Sandra

    Peter just wants the ladies. Abit like a male feminist who is ‘down’ with all the women.