Thanks to Andrew for finding the adorable [dennisjunior1], who, unlike some, is careful to answer all the little bonus questions at the bottom clearly and concisely.
Do you buy fir or fake? [Fake]
Will you be forced to go fake? [No]
What kind of Christmas tree do you prefer? [Fake]
How important is a Christmas tree to your celebrations? [Somewhat]
Or do you have an entirely different alternative to a tree? [Yes]
=Dennis Junior=
[dennisjunior1]
WHAT? GO FAKE? NEVER! TELL ‘EM DENNIS JUNIOR! SOMEWHAT! YEAH!
How do you spend the festive season? (Exchanging gifts and enjoying each other company)
Do you love or loathe the holidays? (I have to say, I have love and loathe the holidays)
If you do not celebrate Christmas, what are your plans for the public holiday? (Rest and relaxation)
=Dennis Junior=
[dennisjunior1]
With every bizarre recluse, eccentric misanthrope and deranged wingnut on HYS claiming to represent the man on the street, Dennis Junior rather stands out as a charming everyman figure. I mean, who doesn’t love resting, relaxing, exchanging gifts and seeing friends and family over Christmas? But then on the other hand, who hasn’t also seen the downside of the season as well? Dennis Junior understands this.
Sometimes, though, his individuality shines through and you see a rather knowledgeable man with a lot to share with us. If only he could.
Who are the Africans to watch in 2010? [My favourite is: Nigeria's Central Bank governor Lamido Sanusi.]
Is that person you? [No]
Is there a young politician, economist or entrepreneur waiting for their moment of fame? [Yes, but, there are many names to list.]
-Dennis Junior
[dennisjunior1]
Don’t write him off as an automaton either, as he has some mildly radical opinions of his own to boot:
What do you think will be the big stories of 2010? {Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan among other big stories}
Do you agree with them? {Yes}
What will be the key events in 2010 for you? {South Africa and the World Cup among many others}
Which people and places will you be watching? {President Obama and the new IAEA leader among others}
Do you agree with the correspondents’ predictions for the coming year? {Yes}
=Dennis Junior=
[dennisjunior1]
Hmmm. Most of these answers are right on the money, but I’m not sure I quite concur that Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan.
Still, I’m really starting to warm to Dennis Junior. Watching him race through them in his amiable fashion really brings it home to you what totally, utterly and embarrassingly retarded questions the moderators have to come up with to keep the angry locals intellectually stimulated.
Should homosexuals face execution? {No}
Has Uganda gone too far? {Why, too far}
Should there be any level of legislation against homosexuality?
{No}Should homosexuals be protected by legislation as they are in South Africa? {Yes}
What would be the consequences of this bill to you? {None}
=Dennis Junior=
[dennisjunior1]
Well Dennis, now we’ve got your opinion on something that doesn’t affect you, how about your opinion on something you know nothing about?
Who should be Christmas number one? [Joe]
Is it the right result? [Honestly No!]
What do you think of the Christmas number one? [Pretty OK with the result]
Do you agree that X Factor winners have dominated the charts for too long? [Honestly no...]
Or is it unfair on Joe? [Yes]
Which is the better song? [Since, I have not listen to either song~so, I can't make an inform decision]…
=Dennis Junior=
[dennisjunior1]
With my inbox always crammed with the angry, racist wank you lot kindly send in, Dennis Junior is a breath of fresh air. Though he’s inexplicably compelled to express tedious, uninformative and ignorant opinions on things that don’t concern him in the slightest, he’s at least honest about it and does it in far fewer, far lovelier words. Plus he always slightly varies his formatting, just to keep things fresh and cheerful.
I honestly really like him. I might even write to the moderators and see if they can’t reformat Have Your Say as quickfire multiple choice. He’d like that, I think.
52 Responses to “Meticulous”
“Are you a fan of Ellie Goulding? {Never heard of Ellie Goulding}
Is she the right choice to top the Sound of 2010 list? {Yes}”
I get the impression Dennis has taken a few too many standardized tests.
The Menace, Thatcher or Waterman?
Nilsen.
I especially like how he adds the following disclaimer to any politics-based opinions:
“[N.B.: I am not advocating and/or involved in the Political process in the United Kingdom....]”
My theory is that he thinks that the Beeb wouldn’t be asking these question if they didn’t have a real and present need for the answers. And/or he fell through a time portal from 1955.
Dennis Junior rules.
To be fair, i’ve been saying Uganda has gone too far, once they got past Rwanda, they should have noticed the change in landscape and mountainous terrain and turned back, if only they had sat nav
Come on.
He’s only doing what Catherine Oliver has been doing for the past 242 days.
That’s what makes her posts look so utterly mad. She tries to answer every question in one paragraph with no punctuation.
All he has done is improve on the spelling, punctuation and explain what he is answering. OK – he is not as earth-shatteringly thick but their MOs are the same.
Maybe he’s mistaken HYS for an online job-seeking site. He’s determined to give the sensible answers that employers *want* to hear, demonstrating his awareness of current issues (Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan, oh my) while trying to be honest and reasonable even when going through uncharted territory (pop music).
If he just fills in one more questionnaire to show how much nicer he is than the rest of the rabble, then he could get the Call.
For shame – dennisjunior1 has been doing the rounds for a long time. I even mentioned hm in the comments to one of Alex’s own posts a couple of weeks ago (albeit with blockquotes messed up).
http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/2009/12/30/climatic-plot-twist/
He is a male version of Catherine Oliver – and has probably been going as long as her.
The sinister thing about him is the way that he switches the bracket punctuation used to surround his answers though. Surely there is some hidden significance there.
I’ve always wanted to see what Nelson looks like.
But then again, it’ll probably just be as disappointing as when the Daily Mail printed that picture of Banksy, revealing him to be a slightly well-fed late thirty-something.
Fucking Daily Mail
How much are you spending on Christmas? ($50)
Young people say they’re spending more money on Christmas than last year, despite the recession – are you? (Yes)
Is it more than last year? (No)
I’m not even attempting blockquotes.
It seemed to be a sort of monster, or symbol representing a monster, of a form which only a diseased fancy could conceive. If I say that my somewhat extravagant imagination yielded simultaneous pictures of an octopus, a dragon, and a human caricature, I shall not be unfaithful to the spirit of the thing. A pulpy, tentacled head surmounted a grotesque and scaly body with rudimentary wings; but it was the general outline of the whole which made it most shockingly frightful.
I think it’s wonderful that we have found someone else who is as disarmingly honest and innocent as our lovely Saint Catherine.
If Catherine and Dennis ruled the world it would be a much nicer place – cuddling puppies and big lollipops would probably be compulsory – no bad thing in my opinion.
Good on you Dennis. It just goes to show that not all brown people are bad
Yeah, but nobody reads the comments. Nobody anyone respects, anyway. Even I only skim them.
He needs to decide which type of brackets he likes best (), {}, [].
Perhaps he’s trying a post which each type to see which has the greatest effect.
With each type, not which each type. What an oaf.
I have noticed Dennis on a number of occasions and have often thought he and Catherine are related, could you imagine the family get together?
Catherine “Cup of Tea?”
Dennis “Yes,[I like Coffee as well]”
Catherine “Milk?”
Dennis “Yes Please. [I like it without as well]”
Catherine”Shall we watch the TV?”
Dennis “Yes, [I like the Radio as well]”
Catherine”Shall we look at Kittens?”
Dennis”Yes [I like rabbits as well"]
The long winter nights must fly by, but in a very nice and cosy way. Get them a seat on the UN council.
No, not at all. It’s part of his charm. Are you going to get his answers in normal brackets and his name in equals signs, or his answers in square brackets and his name in ~’s? You never know, but he will definitely be consistent within that comment.
Though I have to say, I didn’t like his phase of just having one hyphen in front of his name. Did himself a disservice there.
This guy is brilliant.
Ask a stupid question…
You missed out the best answer, Ire:
Are you a fan of Jonathan Ross or any of his shows? [Yes, to Jonathan Ross and his shows]
I disagree with Alex that dennis’ opinions are ‘ignorant’. What other HYS commentator would answer the following question honestly?
Who should replace him? [I have no idea, Honestly...]
~Dennis Junior~
Where’s Dennis?… 20 questions…
Kelvin – When I saw him I thought he looked more like a shocking and uncouth black being with smooth, oily, whale-like surfaces, unpleasant horns that curved inward toward each other, bat-wings whose beating made no sound, ugly prehensile paws, and barbed tails that lashed needlessly and disquietingly. And worst of all, he never spoke or laughed, and never smiled because he had no face at all to smile with, but only a suggestive blankness where a face ought to be. All he ever did was clutch and fly and tickle; that was the way of Nelson.
I just can’t stop. Dennis does such a great job of demonstrating the stupidity of the HYS topics.
How are you dealing with the cold weather? {Wearing extra layers of clothes and turning up the heat…}
~~
Is childhood obesity still a problem? {Yes}
~~
How will space travel change life? {In many ways}
~~
Do you prefer shopping online or on the high street? {Both}
Is there an advantage to either? {Yes}
~~
Is your mother in prison? {No}
~~
Do you still use your library? [Sometimes]
What can be done to make them fit for the 21st century? [More]
~~
But every now and again he seems a little inconsistent:
Does any job justify a £1m salary? [Yes]
If there were to be an upper limit for pay, what should it be? [500,000$ U.S.]
Just one more, I promise:
Why do people struggle with losing weight? [Yes]
Would you respect someone more or less if they lost weight? [Yes]
Are you overweight? [Maybe]
Do you care? [Yes]
There are a couple of posts tucked among his vast post history, where he suddenly lets rip with a vast outpouring of autobiographical details, [by his standards], but he is so cute in a ‘rain man’ kind of way that I refuse to gossip about him.
[maybe]
I think the fact that all his answers are bracketed (be they round, square or brace) provides a definite humility and meekness, as though he knows his opinions are largely irrelevant – a knowledge sorely lacking in most HYS posts.
Someone should suggest he use «guillemets» as a further variation, lest his posts become stale.
That settles it then – I’m not voting for either of them. Cuddling lollipops is the sort of thing forrins do and no good can come of it, you mark my words.
By the by, does anyone know what’s happened to The Daily Mash? It doesn’t seem to be daily any more. Or even weekly.
They should pit dennisjunior1 against Catherine Oliver in a HYS quickfire round.
… though frankly, I’d rather sit bashing my head against a wall repeatedly. (Which may be the key to understanding their posts, come to think of it.)
Your views on Question Time – 12 November 2009:
If Dennis Junior found his way to SYB he would probably say, with great sincerity:
Bless him.
How dare you make fun of my boy!
I prefered Kelvin when he was writing the inserts for chocolate assortments.
DEBATE:
Should party leaders have TV debate at next election?
SENT:
30-Jul-2009 04:25
COMMENT:
(For disclosure: I am not a Resident of the United Kingdom)
The search narrows…
Looking through the history of DennisJunior (so many lovely comments), I found a Have Your Say on “Should a woman become paramount chief?” Remember how the Ugandan homosexuality bill HYS was aimed at Africans only to get hijacked by British bigots?
Yeah…
Luckily, here’s someone to sort out the difficult moral quandry:
If HYS was populated by the likes of the straight thinking Dennis, there would be no need for SYB, therefore we would have no where to go to skive off a few hours work.
Shit,didn’t think that one through,
less Dennis’is what I say, we should be thankful for him and St Catherine and revel in their honesty-ARE YOU LISTENING GORDON CLOWN,ZANUBBC,HONESTY YES,HONESTY!
Potato lord is just a sarcastic Dennis, needs to sharpen up his act if he wants to hit Dennis’ lofty heights.
More developments in the search for Dennis’s location:
Are you in New York? =Yes=
But…
If you could live anywhere in the world – where would you could choose? (France)
Furthermore:
No, I have never been attacked by cows…But, the cows; need to be protected and also, everyone else…
And Finally:
DEBATE:
Would you accept the role of mistress?
SENT:
23-May-2009 04:31
COMMENT:
No…I would not accept the role of a mistress…
I imagine this is what happens when one of the Doozers from Fraggle Rock gets intermittent Internet access.
I like the way certain people sign their posts ~like this~ despite the fact that their name appears the same underneath in the link to their profile. Perhaps he is a former graffiti artist far too used to “tagging” all his posts.
The all-new multiple choice HYS..
Should gays be executed?
1.Yes.
2.No.
3.Maybe.
4.Yes but with rant about how England was so much better when there were no gays, brown people, NuLiarBore, Greens or EU.
~Maldoror~
Kelvin, Limni: I picture Nelson yet as he was in those days; tall, slim, and blond, with studious eyes and a slight stoop, dressed somewhat carelessly, and giving a dominant impression of harmless awkwardness rather than attractiveness.
…or elf `n’ safety, yumin rights, speed cameras & yellow lines, mytaxes, Harriet Harperson, etc, etc,..drone…drivel…
I think he’s wonderful
Are we thinking of the same person? Hold on, I have received a telegram:
Nelson is on your vessel, first cabin,
blonde hair, wound right fore-arm, traveling
alone under name of R…….
Well bang goes my fantasy:
“Dennis, do you love me” [yes]…..
I remember once confessing to him that I had written him (and several others) a dud cheque – I had lost every penny I had. I recall that Nelson stood still, with raised eyebrows and stern eyes that I could meet the better now that he knew the worst; then, with a shrug, he resumed his walk, and for some minutes neither of us spoke. But in his handsome unmoved face I read my fate and death-warrant; and with every breath I cursed my folly and my cowardice in coming to him at all. Because he had been kind to me at school, when he was captain of the eleven, and I his fag, I had dared to look for kindness from him now; because I was ruined, and he rich enough to play cricket all the summer, and do nothing for the rest of the year, I had fatuously counted on his mercy, his sympathy, his help! Yes, I had relied on him in my heart, for all my outward diffidence and humility; and I was rightly served. There was as little of mercy as of sympathy in that curling nostril, that rigid jaw, that cold blue eye which never glanced my way. I caught up my hat. I blundered to my feet. I would have gone without a word, but Nelson stood between me and the door.
Look, if we’re going to talk about Nelson’s naval past you’re only going to get some sense out of him if you address him properly. He might respond to correspondence that begins with the following:
“My Most Noble Lord Horatio Nelson, Viscount and Baron Nelson, of the Nile and of Burnham Thorpe in the County of Norfolk, Baron Nelson of the Nile and of Hilborough in the said County, Knight of the Most Honourable Order of the Bath, Vice Admiral of the White Squadron of the Fleet, Commander in Chief of his Majesty’s Ships and Vessels in the Mediterranean, Duke of Bronte in Sicily, Knight Grand Cross of the Sicilian Order of St Ferdinand and of Merit, Member of the Ottoman Order of the Crescent, Knight Grand Commander of the Order of St. Joachim, would you be so kind as to etc. etc.”
You never know, if there’s an ‘r’ in the month he might just write back…
This reminds me of Homer Simpson when he got a magazine of tests/self surveys.
Reading from the front cover: Are you a good driver?….. Yes. Are you a good lover?….. Yes…. etc. (and) {so} [on].
Have you ever met Nelson? (No.)
Are you excited about seeing Nelson for the first time? (Yes.)
What will your reaction be? (Honestly, no. But I wish him luck. I do not live in Belize.)
~ Cab Grunter ~
The lovely =Dennis Junior= used to post on the BBC’s 5Live Board. A more amiable,less confrontational being you could not hope to find.
Quite threw everyone else into a tailspin, come to think of it.
I’m worried about Dennis. Apparently he’s a student, but he seems to spend all his time on HYS, commenting 7 times a day some times.
Almost as bad as you guys.
Kelvin is H.P. Lovecraft and I claim my £5
Too late; he was H.P. Lovecraft but he changed into Maurice LeBlanc.