We get occasional tips about The Register. If you don’t know it, think of it as being like Private Eye for the IT industry. There’s lots of worthy stuff about things that absolutely no-one could care about after the discovery of the opposite sex, but they sprinkle funny stuff around it to keep you reading.
Here’s a recent example. In brief, an Australian man has admitted to drunkenly inserting the line
DD Cup breasts, slim waist, tight twat
into the requirements of a job advertisement. He owned up to it and apologised, the ad was fixed and his boss decided to leave it at that, saying:
he got on the turps one night and it went from there. He fully understands what he has done and he’s very remorseful.
What a wonderful display of the Aussie sense of pragmatism. Wouldn’t you agree, intelligent IT professionals who like humour?
Sanity Prevails!
Good to see they saw the funny side.. And take the right attitude (nobody hurt, so it’s all good).. This, in the good ol’ days used to be called “Mischief.”. And mischief has always been seen as a great way to vent stresses and woes in a harmless way..Yet here in the UK, this would probably have been enough to have the bloke locked away and on every database in sight, with a permanent Social Services tail to make sure he follows the party line.
Come back the days of sanity and mischief!
Juillen 1
He comes out of the traps well, straight into a nice patronising explanation of exactly what you just read in the story, but just as he’s getting into his stride whining about a situation that only exists in his head, he goes and balls it all up by ending short on a positive note. Can anyone take the ball and run with it?
Imagine if that happened in Britain
It’s nice to see this man’s boss didn’t take any action against him for posting that advert, or the Australian police didn’t arrest him, a government minister didn’t get involved, or random members of the public didn’t try to sue him for being sexist.All of the above would no doubt take place if such a “mistake” was made in Britain.
Gary F
Gary F picks up the cross and involves both the government and the general public in a lovely little rhetorical shimmy, has a nice miserablist finish, but he just can’t put it away. Who’s in the box?
Brilliant!
no, not the planker who did it, the whole Aussie attitude!“oops, sorry, I was pissed”. “OK, never mind, we understand”.
Compare that to what would happen here “oops sorry, I was pissed”. “Constable, add ‘using a computer while under the influence of drink or drugs’ to the charges of sexism, using offensive language in a pulic, erm, publication, and assaulting a police officer…” “But I haven’t assaul OWWWW!” “…and damaging a police table with his head. Sign this”. “What is OWWWWW!” “The sex offenders register”
Ian 54
AND HE’S DONE IT! An absolutely virtuoso display of misanthropy there from Ian 54. He’s on the end of Gary F’s lob, chesting it down with immediate disapproval of the “planker” in the story, and then dodges the defenders by showing a glimmer of appreciation for the Aussie attitude, but it’s all a feint! The approval’s only there so he can swivel on the eighteen-yard line and slam it home with a fever dream stitch-up straight from the depths of his imagination, with an assist from a decades-old episode of Not The Nine O’Clock News. What a dream goal’s come to him like a meteorite from a gift horse’s mouth. I mean, you literally could not make that up. Alan?
107 Responses to “Absolute Certainty”
Hmm. I think Ian 54 is upset about being done for downloading child porn. No doubt his defense was “For crying out loud! It’s not like it was ME taking them!”
This is weak.
Ian 54 stemmed his own flow. He could’ve gone on to mention the ritual flogging, waterboarding and eventual disembowling a Brit would have been subjected to had he wrote something as shitting hilarious as that.
Besides, no one likes a tight twat anyway. Flappy and soggy, I say.
It does sound like that was his defence to some kind of sexual assault, “Come on I was pissed, how can you hold me responsible for my own actions?”
I am a tight twat, and people like me
Yeah, sorry, I don’t like lessons on the appropriate way to respond to sexism from SpeakYou’reBranes any more than I like it from HYS.
That’s beacause its all about lubrication, lubrication, lubrication Phill.
Did Ian54 try to make a pun on “pubic/publication”, but fuck up even that?
And all done without the legendary 6′10″ centre-forward PC Brigade up front too.
A sad day for us traditionalists.
What’s Mia’s problem?
I think she has the painters in.
Yeah, lighten up Germaine.
Mia, i interpreted Kelvin’s post to be a commentary on how, after a idiotic discriminatory act was handled in-house without public punishment, a ton of HYS-type morons decided to carp on about how they should be allowed to objectify women in the name of humour. I read the post as the author face-palming at the pre-historic mentality of the men posting. I may be, and usually am, very wrong
Actually, Mia, the post was intended to make no comment on sexism at all, and more to do with the way that the quoted posters jumped off into fantasy scenarios about how “we brits” would have treated the same situation conjured from the butterflies that flap around their cortexes whispering about the nanny state and the police stitch-up branch. But to get that interpretation of the post you’d have had to read and understand the punchline (”you literally could not make that up”) and I recognise that girls’ frilly female brains can’t do jokes.
She’s just touchy about sexism.
It’s a shame, but like they say, that you should never meet celeberities in real life.
I really liked that ‘Paper Planes’ song as well.
What’s worse is that the Register moderation was, last time I checked, block first, approve later. So you know that everything you read has already been OK’d, while any delay in approving a comment will fuel the author’s moderation martyr complex.
And anything that even has the slightest possibility of being intended as a joke has to be let through so that the moderator appears impartial. So on a sexism-related article such as this, the huge number of cocks self-assuredly claiming that it’s “all a bit of fun” dominate the discussion and permit the real sexists reading to feel better about themselves.
Are we doing pathetic victims of the PC Gestapo today? This is from a letter actually selected for publication by The Independent last week.
Way to go Eddie! Tell it to The Person!
I probably could have done three separate posts about that comment thread, split into “masochistic police state fantasists,” “leering misogynist pervs/mild-mannered IT support desk types” and “people who agree with the manager’s decision but want to use it as a contrast for just how fucking backward those Aussie convict bastards really are because they keep fucking winning at cricket.”
Oh yes, and last I heard the “community manager” who actually does post approval/moderation at The Reg was a woman. How she manages to stay sane in the face of all this I’ll never know.
“how “we brits” would have treated the same situation ”
There’s probably been a case of something similar happening in Britain already, not that I can be arsed to do a search for it.
“I am a tight twat, and people like me”
Me too! People call me a tight twat/cunt all the time! Unfortunately my tits are too small & waste too big for that particular job with that nice Aussie chap.
What an utter shower of human gristle.
I think they could all learn from this stirring paean to multiculturalism I saw on YouTube the other day:
“well i can’t say i have much respect for klingons myself. I lean more vulcan. However it is clearly a corrupt culture and not any inherant evil in the race. It’s quite possible for a klingon to rise above the failings of his culture and even those that don’t still have a few redeeming qualities.”
I mean, isn’t that just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever read? It’s time for society to take a long, hard look at itself and its nascent Klingonism.
Thankyou, waldoman7. Thankyou… for making me feel *ashamed*.
A double flusher?
@ SoulBoy. No a Clingon.
Who, Sarah? She’s lovely. She does very occasionally chip in with comment if someone is really being a dick, but she seems to take most of the gobshite we spout in good humour. Either that or she’s fantastically well paid and spends her days inebriated.
Even so I doubt the sanity of any person who spends all day trawling through the unceasing torrent of internet comments bullshit without becoming an irredeemable misanthropist. From personal experience.
Also a lack of reading comprehension from these bastions of blokeishness. The Border Express and police did not see the funny side of his mischief. As the beginning and end of the article states, the police did get involved, but after the culprit turned himself in and “agreed to pay AU$300 to publish a letter of apology in The Border Mail” the Border Express decided to take no further action (presumably they could have pressed charges if they wished).
I do sympathise. Without the Sun to splutter in outrage about how an innocent bit of fun caused an unemployed old-fashioned bloke to be hunted by the police and heavily fined, these new-fangled PC concepts of “consequences”, “taking responsibilty”, “apologising”, and “showing regret for your actions”, are very difficult to understand.
Has anyone one done the joke yet? No? Ok.
If they like Australia so much, why don’t they stay here and be loud and obnoxious and have barbeques in the rain and complain about whingeing poms? Oh, sorry, I see my mistake…
“absolutely no-one could care about after the discovery of the opposite sex”
Is heterosexuality the only cure for geekdom then? Is everyone in the IT industry queer?
Would a graph help?
@Kelvin
Not really. The curve suggests that the fewer actual boobies one has seen, the less interest in the ATI/Nvidia battle.
One may reasonably infer the converse, that the more actual boobies one has seen, the more interest in ATA/Nvidia.
If only so that said boobies are rendered in a real-life manner.
If you change the boobies scale so that 0 is the top and 2 is at the bottom, then your boobie boob wouldn’t be a boob.
Heheh, I said boobies…
No need, I rendered a coat earlier.
No, it should be read with respect the the increasing time on the x-axis. As time increases and the number of boobies seen increases above 0, the interest in ATI vs. nVidia trends towards zero. Rapidly.
The BBc wants to know, “Would aliens change your life?”
A few weeks ago, I found a pair of Y-fronts that had fallen behind the washing machine. It stands to reason there must be extra-terrestrial Y-front civilisations that lurk behind galactic-sized Indesits.
OK I’ve had my say, you can now start blaming women again.
This discussion is in need of La Spesh. Badly.
This is, as the son of God on a velocipede said, one terrible discussion. I’m going to blame Mia, because her brain clearly overheated to the point where she started seeing sexism everywhere. I think it’s like peyote, where if you eat a bunch you start seeing peyote cacti everywhere.
Mia must have swallowed a bunch of sexism a few hours ago, and now she’s tripping not balls, but some other gender neutral phrasing for being off your not tits, but some other gender neutral phrasing for being wasted.
I’m not displaying utilitism there, either. I just have to be careful, because otherwise Interpol will come and get me on a warrant of being all sexist and shit on the internet. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. FACT.
By the way, it’s Australia Day today. I mean today here. It’s today, here.
It’s just like that time she went off on a rant against that pitchfork.com writer.
Let’s be fair to her, she made a valuable stand on an important point that bears inspection. And besides, women have such lovely musical voices that it’s simply delightful to hear them prattle on about whatever’s occupying their little minds.
I thought you were in NZ? Have you been annexed?
It’s even more today in NZ than it is in Australia. We’re at least two hours ahead. And I realise it’ll be Australia Day in the UK too. Given that Australia Day is 26th January and that’s Australia Day.
I trust you’re getting how this works…
Well I knew the International Date Line wasn’t a queue for middle-eastern palm-fruit in the lobby of the UN building..
…coat, etc.
Well, apparently the Aussies also have a better sense of humour.
Since an inability to cope with basic tenets of feminism is the theme of the thread, watch a thousand angry men go mental at the Grauniad at the possibility that women might want to use “Ms” to describe themselves: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jan/25/france-gender-women-mademoiselle
My favourite is Stu2360. Can we trace his internets and get his wife to a safe house, please?
Then again, he does seem to have given a lot of thought to how he would act if he were a woman.
There’s some quite staggeringly patronising responses as well, along the lines of the above – suggesting that women who get called “mademoiselle” should frankly be flattered (if not actively swooning), as they see it as an oh-so-debonaire way to address a lady…
If are so favourable to the French way of doing things, then perhaps they should look to relocate to aforementioned country…
I’m sorry, the world must see this one:
Added: Tuesday, 26 January, 2010, 05:31 GMT 05:31 UK
I don’t do Twitter, I don’t do Facebook and can barely tolerate the mainstream parties as they continually fail to represent normal hardworking people like myself. How about the politicians stop messing around on social networking sites, peddling their self promoting rubbish, and actually start LISTENING to the electorate, rather than preaching. Read any politically based Have Your Say, and that is clearly what people want.
LISTEN – was that clear enough Brown, Cameron and Clegg?
Mark, Monkton
Recommended by 35 people
Germaine here.
What a wonderful display of the Aussie sense of pragmatism.
I didn’t think it was all that wonderful and pragmatic really. Bloke should’ve been disciplined. That’s all.
@Jesus Chris:
From a very interesting article on Opendemocracy on the politics of Rememberance, Barry L. Davies manages to find space for an IYLISMWDYGLT (http://www.opendemocracy.net/opensecurity/lucy-noakes/politics-of-poppy-day)
Extra points for the use of “Islams”
Bloke was disciplined, to the tune of an AU$300 apology he agreed to pay to have printed in a newspaper. But don’t let the facts do an Emily Davison on your high horse or anything.
And he’d already left the company, forfeiting any employer-based punishment. But best not to let reading get in the way of your opinions; it’s such a pesky waste of time, isn’t it?
slow start to the ‘were the french right to ban the veil’ thread while each and every hyser to a man tries to work out how to reply
vis:
i think the veil should be banned
but then i think the french are cunts
so they must be wrong to ban the veil
which means, qed, i think the veil shouldn’t be banned.
NURSE! HELP!
Mia may not have followed the link but just read the blog post, which did seem to suggest that the tosser in question hadn’t been disciplined. And reading the links from this blog is often quite nasty so I’m not surprised that it isn’t the default.
So, um, the hilarious ironic let’s-pretend-to-be-sexist-even-though-we-obviously-aren’t is, erm, a bit suspect frankly.
Mim, the problem is that anti-sexists are often as hilarious (or filarious) as the sexists, albeit in a different way. Are you actually trying to discourage the mocking of some people but not others?
No it didn’t.
I made it quite clear that he admitted to his transgression and felt remorse. I left out the exact details because to include them would have been to (a) basically plagiarise the entire Register story rather than doing the decent thing and linking to it, and (ii) crap up the post with a load of extraneous details that were, let’s face it, irrelevant to the aim of taking the piss out of three police state fantasists.
The phrase Mia seems to be taking most offence at is where I said “what a wonderful example of Aussie pragmatism,” which was (1) actually meant in a slightly sarcastic way and (three) mostly there only to set up deadpan ironic tension between the tone of The Register’s article (and my post) against the hysterical hypothesising that followed.
Now, are we done, or does anyone else need help with their GCSE reading comprehension practical?
I now only need the phrase “post modernist” & the word “knowing” for house in Guardian Buzz Word Bingo (c)
Incidentally, if any football fans would like to take umbrage with the way I belittled the commentators’ love of mixed metaphors, feel free to have a pop. I don’t see why any variety of whinging pedants should be left out of the fun.
Well, when you’re dealing with a feminist you have to use as many big words as possible or the little lady gets the impression she’s being patronised.
Where is La Spesh? (methinks and shit)
If there were a “recommend” button, I’d recommend this post.
And in case anyone still doesn’t buy that sexist jokes promote sexism, some boffins have gone and proved it with science. So stick that up your gender-neutral orifice.
They use a different Bingo card to calculate how much they’re being patronised.
Where do I start? I mean, SERIOUSLY, where do I start? Do people really not know why ‘Ms’ is important? Would anyone be surprised to know that in RL I am a Ms? No, didn’t think so.
Excellent work, Kelvin. I salute you.
Would it not just be easier to type ‘Vote BNP’?
Look, I’ve tried but I’m having a shit time of it at the mo and it’s left me unfunny (yes, yes, even more unfunny than usual). Bear with me, okay? I have put aside time I should be using for needlework and dangling a ribbon in front of a kitten to post here, just for Christ On A Bike.
I am here lurking and regularly pasta-spitting. Even though I hate pasta and never eat it.
One which, I can’t help but notice, contains a lot of long words. Point proved, I think.
You aren’t lurking in a burkah are you Bit Spesh?
You are too kind to that link farm. It’s more like Nuts but with nerd-baiting contrarianism about technology and the law where the sexual objectification of women would be. I imagine.
She was very tolerant of me a few years back when I not only got the wrong end of the stick about a post on the site but proceeded to pole vault with it.
[Sub.: Check this for how included opinions reflect on me and make any corrections.]
However hard you might try, you just cannot argue with her reasoning.
The impression I got from the post was “he said sorry and it was all OK” and OK I am headachey at the moment but I am fairly sure I can read.
I’m suggesting that the mockery of Mia for raising a point which may or may not have been Proper Serious Business is not on the same level as mocking people for being outrageously jawdroppingly bigoted. I don’t see the problem with that, but then I have my special Spoiling Everyone’s Fun blinkers on.
Oh, and Kelvin, I seem to remember from GSCE that “what the author retrospectively says the writing is about” is not deemed the only valid interpretation. The reader is not automatically doing it wrong. And I did read the “Aussie pragmatism” as tongue-in-cheek but there’s plenty of room to take it straight. As it were.
Oh, and not only am I a Ms, I object to the unnecessary and binary gender designation therein. You can mock that if you like.
Wot Mim said. She rocks.
@That Bloke – TYF won’t allow me to answer that question whilst he’s out of the house.
Phew. Can breath again. And pedal.
The Gf and I both salute Mim, Mia and worship La Spesh. Can we have your babies as soon as they work out how pls.
CoaB (shamefully Miss not Ms).
Here’s why I deem Mia’s objection worthy of mockery on exactly same grounds we would mock any other subject on this site:
Mia jumped to a conclusion about the case based on an inadequate reading of the text and without fully acquainting herself with the facts (by reading the proferred link) before allowing herself to be offended. That’s no different from the people who became terribly offended by Ross/Brandgate on the second-hand say-so of the tabloids.
And as for the faux-or-not-sexism, it’s just possible that in the same way we’d mock right-wingers by saying things that we don’t necessarily believe in order to annoy and provoke them, we were doing the same to Mia.
And at what point am I allowed to assume the reader is Doing It Wrong? Would “completely missing the parts of the post that invalidate what they’re complaining about” count? Let’s take a look:
OK, so I guess maybe that doesn’t count as anything, because it doesn’t say who he owned up to. It might not have been his (ex-)boss. Maybe it was his gerbil.
Again, might have been apologising to a brick wall. The fact that his apology has made it into the international media might mean nothing.
Well wait, that’s a quote from the bloke’s boss, so somehow he’s heard about this remorse. Perhaps he’s mates with the wall or the gerbil.
I have absolutely no idea how, from those facts being in the post, anyone could come to the conclusion that some sort of discipline process – the kind of process where a transgression is admitted, made good by agreed means and forgiven – had been involved in this case.
That was sarcasm, by the way.
Mia listen up I need to make a sound:
I would be quicker to call Kelvin a cunt and watch the fireworks. Arguments are like cat nip for him.
“Mia may not have followed the link but just read the blog post”
-Personally I try and avoid reading the links to news websites, the whole reason I come on SYB (and Dailymash) is so I dont have bother with the insane shitfest which is the news.
[I can't be bothered to use block quotes 'cos I'm too bloody lazy]
Satorial blog implodes in attempt to define sexism & debate acceptable humour. Readers equate quandry over freedom of speech & political correctness to that of HYS reader confronted with Muslim BNP supporter.
http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/
Calling me a cunt won’t start an argument. I’ll only argue if you accuse me of being something I’m not.
Wow, all getting a little serious for a Tuesday. Can we just say that at some stage people read things in a different way and then got wrong ends of sticks and then apologised and that irony and sarcasm was used and that it was taken wrong ways and get back to baiting twatbaskets? Maybe a new thread, there are some corkers on HYS at the moment, more than enough material.
all kelvin’s last post needed was some ‘now pull your knickers up and make me a cup of tea’
is mim arguing all people should be called alex and leslie and [other non-gender-specific christian first names]? i’m confused. it’s surely the denoument of her issue with binary gender specification. of course, she’s conveniently missed out trannies there.
tch. kelvin’s last but one post
and stupid ’strikethrough’ tag didn’t work on christian either there. meh
Go girlfriends!
“Missed out trannies?” No I haven’t. “Part of gender binary” and “not part of gender binary” kind of covers everyone, no matter what meaning you were assigning to that odious word.
The bit on a form where I have to tick M or F (no “none” or “other” options yet, alas) is surely enough designation in situations where it may be relevant.
Kelvin, it was a tiny tiny ambiguity. The point is that it wasn’t obvious from your post that the man in question had had to do any more than say how jolly sorry he was. “Some kind of discipline process” doesn’t necessarily mean enough of one.
You don’t actually need to explain that you are right and anyone offended is not only wrong but can’t read. I’m not calling you anything. “Worded something slightly carelessly” is not the same as “is a massive sexist”. You seem to be responding to the latter and really, this isn’t an assault on your entire character. It isn’t even a Big Deal.
Faux-sexism still not funny or helpful when it looks exactly the same as real sexism and is used in response to, erm, an accusation of sexism. It’s still dismissive, it’s still aggressive.
Ho hum. Must stop getting cross on the internet and return to my pathologically avoidant self.
Mine’s a cup of camomile, please love.
but surely the first name: dave or first name: susan makes the ticking of a box saying M or F irrelevant
you must weep like uncle monty in front of a butcher’s when you go to iceland
Well wait, now we’re going from “I’m angry because your article didn’t say he was disciplined” to “I’m angry because your article implied he wasn’t disciplined enough for my tastes” which is a different call. Especially because, in that case, you can contact his boss to discuss exactly how much discipline would have been to your taste and leave me the fuck alone.
Quite the opposite. Being called a sexist on SYB doesn’t bother me at all. No-one on this blog has the first scrap of knowledge about my life outside these posts. Except the slightly creepy guy who takes notes whenever I mention getting a vegetable box from Able & Cole. Anyone who thinks they can infer any position in the war of the sexes from sarcastic posts made on a niche satirical website is only failing to recognise their own lack of a sense of irony.
But what does bother me is when people pick holes in my writing which aren’t there. I don’t write for primary school children, and that means I employ a certain amount of linguistic economy and rhetoric. That may require the reader to actually comprehend whole sentences and their context before pulling out the big angry opinions. What you’re essentially arguing is that I should write for people who can’t be bothered to read properly. Fuck ‘em, I say.
Damn straight. Next time my missus tells me only men argue on the internet I’m going to give her a smack in the mouth and tell her to get back in the kitchen.
I infer that Kelvin is fucking mental in real life.
I’ve been wrong before, but if you can’t leap to absurd conclusions on the internet, where can you?
I wasn’t even offended to start with, but I was taken aback by the response. (As I don’t actually know the exact nature of Mia’s original anger I can’t really comment on that.)
And there definitely is a level of “discipline” which isn’t adequate by any measure. The sort where the boss doesn’t actually do anything but releases a glib statement of his employee’s contrition isn’t discipline, it’s token face-saving.
I still don’t appreciate being told that I’m too stupid to understand your writing. That’s just rude.
Mim, you might be a laydee but you’re not the one here twirling your handbag hysterically around your head ready to fight. Funny that.
Kelvin, it’s no pudding and an early night for you tonight, young man.
Christ on a bike… erm, thanks? Quick Mim, distract her whilst I google for a stalking helpline number. Seriously though, change to a Ms and I’ll consider it. All babies of the union will belong to me, however. [desperate 35+ woman emoticon]
Spesh, if you’re looking for kids, I can help you out.
I’ve got two here, free to a good home. One has ADHD and one screams down XBox live, unless he’s feeling really loud.
Could throw in a nice cat to sweeten the deal.
Do I hear Nelson in the distance mixing the blahwash??
Er, you’re alright J.A.G. Suddenly feeling a lot less broody. And I’m allergic to cats.
Great stuff guys!
@Bit Spesh… Can I have Kelvin’s pudding, if he’s not getting it? [overly-wide-eyed knowingly-emotionally-manipulative thinks-he's-the-world's-cutest-kid emoticon]
No! Get back to your fucking coalshed, you little shit! [backhands fp]
(Go on then.)
This argument would have never happened on an Australian version of speakyourebranes.
Noted.
I’d just like to point out to Mim that despite me linking to it up there, no-one is yet very angry about this behaviour.
Please note use of phrase “beer bitches”.
I’ve been away. I went to Bristol and it was ok but I had two meetings. I saw my mates kids and one of them did a jigsaw of a fire engine twice and was so pleased that he gave me a hug and did a massive fart that I, thirty-three years his senior, would have been proud of. That was good.
Then I had to go to Maidenhead. Then Uxbridge. Then Slough. That was balls.
Can someone tell me which side I’m on ?
I’m a girlie, with bumpy bits and everything – yet I’d rather have a girlie in the office with a nice arse than some big ugly git.
I like beer and footy but can’t understand the new offside rule, but then half the fucking players can’t.
Can I be offended or not ?
La Spesh noticed me! (wide-eyed-smilie-emoticon-basking-in-the-glory-of-infinitely-superior-goddess-of-femdom)
the gf and I will have bedtime discussion on how to achieve the all important Ms.
@Nelson, we were good, honest.
You can do what my other half does and remind the person being sexist that you earn more than they do and work more than three months of the year.
Also, offside is behind the last man before the ball has been played and acting in a way that constitutes either interfering with the play of the ball, interfering with an opposing player or being in a position that otherwise gains you an advantage.
So someone running onto the ball or getting in the way of a defender in a manner that leads to an advantage is offside, but being offside and running back to get onside when the ball is played forward to another player isn’t.
Of course, the other way of explaining it is how John Thomson did it in that Fast Show sketch, but I can’t find the clip.
I once got an email from a lass who, quite politely, asked that I stop using the words “cunt” and “twat”. I’m not sure I really subscribe to the idea that they’re sexist terms to be honest (she thought they implied that being female was “shameful”) but I’m down with idea that equality in language is important. Anywayz, I wasn’t about to stop using two of the best and most useful English words, so I’ve made a conscious effort since then to use pricks and ballsacks a bit more. Maybe I’ve overcompensated now and I need to wheel out a few massive twats.
Mind you, she also seemed to think that the word “dick” was somehow demeaning to men. Perhaps she just objected to all the cussing.
Next I’ll find out that the word “fuck” demeans fucking.
You know what I do hate though… is when some homophobe says something offensive and then people on here say amusing stuff about how it must be down to “repressed” homosexuality or sommat. I appreciate that implying they’re gay might wind homophobes up.. but it gets right on my tits n all.
I don’t think u can stop language usage changing, so it’s become(ing?) ok to say “Did you watch Dr.Who? Man it was so gay” but it’s not ok to be a massive dick about homosexuality.
Best find some HYS shit to post tomorrow, or else further conversations will break out.
I cannot understand how I have resisted the temptation to write something extremely offensive and sexist.
Oh yes. All the bollocks above has bored the shit out of me.
ha ha- kelvin’s deffo on the blob!
I wondered about that, briefly, with the escapades of Hmmmmm, a few posts ago.
It didn’t take much reasoning: gay, to him, is an insult, but to me it’s not an insult at all. It’s a statement of fact and no more insulting than calling someone a woman.
There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but there is something wrong with people who think that being gay is wrong – especially when it manifests itself in insults like “bitter homosexuals”.
So yes, I did briefly wonder exactly why I should consider myself better than him if the insult is one I’m going to throw back…
…but it’s horses for courses, or insults for various dickheads. The most vocal opponents of gay people and gay rights tend to be the ones who have the most to fear from normalisation within society (Ted Haggard, cough).
Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with being a socialist – it’s just that for some reason it’s caught on as an insulting term to use. Someone calls me a socialist, the response is, “Yes, and?”
@Jesus Chris –
I saw it and was angry but couldn’t be arsed to put myself at the receiving end of such handbags-at-dawn vitriol that got dished out to Mim, for example. I get enough of being treated like a frothy-mouthed Millie Tant in RL for liking to point out that attacking women for finding both comedy sexism and ‘real’ sexism offensive by viciously pointing out why they are wrong and thick is just as misogynist and patronising as thinking a woman’s place is in the home, etc., etc. Love how men think they can (or should) explain to us laydeez exactly what we should find offensive or not and why.
And moving on, I’ve tried to read your explanation of the offside rule about 5 times but my eyes literally cannot stay on it. My body is an efficient machine, ever-vigilant to the risk of sports-induced coma.
@COAB – do you look like any fictional characters (preferably cartoon ones)? It’s well-documented on these pages that that’s what floats my boat.
PS I’ve already thought of all the possible comment about ‘frothy-mouthed’, you absolute fuckers.
Johnny Cash may disagree with you about the Susan bit.
@ La Spesh
ALL men? I hope you’re not generalising there, Ms Spesh…
At least the topic’s moved on to football, so being a bloke I can at last make an educated comment on this thread.
As I understood it, the offside rule is where half the crowd shout “hurrah!” and the other half shout “was he bollocks!” for no apparent reason.
Of course, reading JC’s post, I realise now there might be a bit more to it than that. Balls* are clearly involved at some stage. But the basic principle stands: if your mates shout “was he bollocks!” what you have to do is tut and shake your head and say “shameful” or some such utterance.
Works for me.
* the non-sexist kind
Absolutely… rather than “No, YOU’RE a socialist! Ha!”.
Though, yeah, I can make exceptions when it involves winding up shitheads.
Yeah, but where I can say, “Yes, and?” to accusations of socialism, I can’t actually say that to accusations of homosexuality.
Apart from that very confusing period when I was fourteen, but that was just a phase.
Anyway, you don’t really get closet socialists walking around acting like they’re libertarians.
Speaking as someone with lady bumps, what unsettles me is that Mia made a 24 word comment (that yes, I too found incomprehensible), but the comments that followed weren’t directed at her in particular, but at women in general.
To analogise, let’s say someone who identified themselves as Asian took offence at something Kelvin wrote that they perceived to be racist, (but clearly wasn’t).
Would you be comfortable if there then followed dozens of comments, saying ‘well of course Asians think that, they’re too busy running a corner shop/oppressing their wives/building a bomb to really think it through.’ ?
And if other Asians said they were offended at being called wife beating terrorists, would you say it was their fault, and accuse them of lacking irony?
Claiming ‘it’s just a joke’ works for Jim Davidson too.
(and Nelson re complaining about programmes you’ve never watched, what’s wrong with that? I used to call up the Beeb every Saturday Davidson did ‘The Generation Game’ to complain that a man who’s club act included the line ‘she’s so ugly a nigger wouldn’t rape her’ was getting some of my license fee. Never watched it. Fuck him.)
And Nelson, I have no problem with words like twat or cunt – it’s only their shocking under use that keeps them in the category of Worst Words Ever. If they were used as often as prick, balls, dick, cock, bell end, and my new favourite, that I hadn’t come across until seeing it on this site – idiot rim cheese – then no-one would care.
Lastly re offside rule – those of us who enjoy football (or who like me, support QPR) find it’s best explained to other lady bumps, by avoiding technical words and pointing out what it’s mean to do, which is to stop goal hanging (Jumpers for goalposts… hmmm).
Without it, attacking players could simply park themselves in the penalty box, and wait for the ball to be lobbed forward. Having to keep level with the defenders stops that from happening. Clear now?
Now, moving on…
Speaking as someone with a cock, I’d like to echo Samson’s comment and point out on behalf of all men everywhere that we also hate it when people assume one man speaks on behalf of all men everywhere.
I’m a bit lost at the TV bit though. What’s that about?
TV… that’s the money-making-and-propaganda department of the company that runs HYS, isn’t it?
Hockey doesn’t have an offside rule.
I wish people thought i was a tight twat, I usually just get called a slack cunt
Fingers crossed
YAS!!!