spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Void for these submissions from the gobshite goldmine. What I found interesting about these three is that they’ve all decided how everything should be run to fit their petty preferences and personal prejudices, and just want a chance to test them out on a plane. For example, Sven Goonson would like Gordon Brown to stop being such a Nazi and do some proper racism.

Oh for god’s sake, what a typical BBC discussion – the answer is obviously no. I suppose the Beeb doesn’t have to suffer the turmoil that us silent majority have to face waiting hours on end in airports packed like sardine cans.

All we need is racial profiling to keep an eye on the people that are most likely to be terrorists, though I suppose Führer Brown wouldn’t dream of being oh so un-PC.

I heard that they even check people in wheelchairs at security. Utter farce.

Sven Goonson, ZaNuLab free zone, United Kingdom

Meanwhile George has a more difficult conundrum: he needs to come up with a way to prevent bombings, but all he can ever think of is bombs.

No. the problem is th US is a wimp now. If a terrorist blows a bomb up in Iraq, we should carpet bomb that neighborhood. that sends the message to the local people to stop terrorists or their block will be destroyed. It a terrorist attempts or succeds in using a bomb on a plane, no more flights in or out of that country for 10 years to the US.
BUt I am sure Obama thinks that is “cruel”.

George, Stuart

It’s harsh, but what patriotic British terrorist would ever risk such consequences?

At least Paul here has a less genocidal axe to grind, and I think we should be kind and take him at his word and assume he’s NOT RACIST IN THE SLIGHTEST and ONLY hates Pakis for their funny names.

I’m sorry , but people with long names ,double barreled or just plain time wastingly long should have to pass through a special desk for checking .Can i say this without being accused of sounding racist (which i’m not), he wasn’t called Jim Smith was he ? I have to spell out even my common name quite often…how long it must take some people to have their names checked i dread to think.. (if indeed they are) Strip search with light refreshments provided is the only way!

PAUL WILLIAMS, MANCHESTER, United Kingdom

Of course, there’s an ulterior motive at work here. For all his feigned concern, Paul really just wants to get anally fingered then given tea and biscuits.

We’ve already showcased some of the more hysterical, racist and impractical suggestions for “improving” airport “security”, but what do the pants-pooing mentals think? Here’s our old chum Stephen Dawson to speak for them.

Paper-panties, cloth-gowns & slippers available TODAY in hospitals; removing ALL clothes [returned post-landing] with intimate body-search inevitable ‘price-worth-paying’

NO hand-luggage, duty-free should be allowed in the passenger-cabin; those willing to-die on-board should NOT be confused with the IRA…

Cargo-luggage should be treated as freight; collected & moved to ‘bonded-ware-house’ for examination weeks, if not months, before EVERY flight.

HomelandSecDB…; choice-of-one.
Stephen Dawson, Manchester, United Kingdom
RECOMMENDED BY: 4 people

Four people? FOUR PEOPLE? Four people, you are wasting your time on HYS if you can decode this into a statement that can be agreed or disagreed with. You need to be at GCHQ monitoring terrorist chatter. Four people, in a very real sense, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab made it onto that plane because of YOU.

(Also, every plane to have designated “grumble seats” where Stephen Dawson can sit in his paper panties thinking about Summer Glau.)