spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Richard. Sikhs, knives, brown people, shiny shiny blade turban Islam AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! By which I do of course mean “should Sikhs wear Kirpan daggers in public?”

A simple no.
How quickly we forget Dunblaine.
Think on all those that are carping on about diversity and respecting of others faiths.
I prefer the old fashioned when in Rome do as the Romans.
Lee, Hereford

Yeah well Lee, we’re not in Rome, are we? Or the first century AD. We’re in Britain, and we do things our way here. None of that do as in Rome shit. In Britain, the saying goes: “When in Hereford, speak in bollocks affected platitudes in a doomed attempt to appear profound, while forgetting pretty much everything about the actual event you’re plundering for a cheap shot of poignancy, except that it happened in a school and you didn’t like it”. You’re doing fine though. Don’t change a thing.

World gone backwards
If shiks shoul wear knives then we should wear guns like our cowboy days
Dash, London

Funny you should bring that up. My dad’s been looking into the family tree, turns out my great, great grandad used to have a cattle-ranch just near Hackney. Eventually died in a shoot-out at the Kensington and Chelsea Corral, helping the Pearly Sheriff track down a jellied-eel rustler.

Why don’t we all carry knives or daggers?
martin, loiri

I wasn’t sure whether to interpret this as sarcasm or a genuine question from a bewildered enquiring mind. So instead I’m reading it as an enthusiastic suggestion for a rainy afternoon.

Thanks to Tim. On the salaries of the stars of the BBC. One poster has managed to get his head round homosexuals not being able to reproduce, but seems to have misunderstood the term ‘clone’ and concluded that they’re all made in a big factory. Probably run by the Liberal Democrats in a field just outside San Francisco.

blastarrbxiii

And it isn’t like it’s a natural sex obsession either.
All part of the ‘drip drip’ perversity of the multi billion pound faggot industry.

I don’t think watersports get quite the audience you think, oatibix.

The gnomes have just become aware of the shocking idea that the Falkland Islands might have real economic and political significance.

If there is oil in the Falklands Argentina is most likely to want to put in a claim. After all, they went to war over a few sheep the last time round.
Bill, Southampton

You know that bit in a sci-fi thingy where they’ve got the “knowledge of the ancients in a techno-cube” or maybe the “memories of the entire Zargoid high-council stored in a brain-laser”? Or maybe just “37 exabytes of furry pr0n”. And you know how they’re always trying to download it into someone’s head but the geezer operating the brain-laser/techno-cube is worried that “the human mind is too primitive” to cope with that much information? I reckon Bill’s family feel the same way about “The One Show”.

Do you fancy 30% more beard? How about 50% more unconditional love for people you deem to have met the necessary conditions? Are you up for loving your neighbour but think that anyone who lives further away than that can get fucked? You know, like that foreign guy two doors down who listens to weird music. You’d happily stand over him, smashing your hammer into his face again and again and again and again until he stops screaming and then you’d watch the pool of steaming blood expand around his head while the light of life fades from his horrid, savage, different face, wouldn’t you? Also, would you like to see a bit more God on the telly?

Let’s open with a bit of charming American naivety.

any one who does not believe in God should leave britain & go live under communist China.
tyson, USA

Bless.

Anyone who still thinks that Britain is a Christian nation only has to read the comments on this HYS to realise that Christianity has been marginalised to the extent that Christians must suffer hate-filled abuse on a daily basis. What’s worse is that this attitude is encouraged by the government and our national institutions. We have become a nation of small-minded, intolerant bigots, and it’s very, very sad.
Douglas Lee, London

I reckon you’re aiming too high. Let’s face it, religion is bollocks and even the Archbishop of Canterbury has the decency to look a bit embarrassed about it. If you keep aiming for “respect” you’re bound to fall short and hit “abuse”. Why not go for “pity” instead? Check out this next guy.

It’s not the amount of programming that’s an issue, it’s the quality of it. Maybe if there were some better informative programmes about religion on the television, then contributors to HYS would understand religion a bit better and would stop spouting the poorly-informed anti-religious drivel that this kind of question invariably invokes (and the BBC secretly enjoys).
[TheisticEvolutionist]

That’s how it’s done.

I can’t help but imagine this poor fucker forlornly wandering the streets, trying to spread the Word and asking people: “Have you heard Jesus’s message to all of God’s people? Oh.. you have? Um.. are you sure? Right. Um. Cos I’ve got some bang up to date stuff about bankers n that? What about the time when Jesus swept the moneylenders out of… oh… heard that one too? Hang on! Don’t worry, I’ve got, like, a whole BOOK of these! Wait a sec. There’s bound to be one you’ve not heard before… what about that bit with the meek and the inheriting n that? … Oh…. really? ALL of it? Seriously??? Wow. Um. And you don’t believe in… ? Riiiight. None of it eh? Um. You’re SURE you read the right book??? Yeah, that’s the fella. Wow. Um… OK… sorry, I’ll let you get on with your shopping then”.

Thanks to Robert for finding [MrWonderfulReality] telling us how he’d like to keep children safe on the internet.

I’d just use plain & simple common sense, but unfortunately, although it is commonly available to all, many would not recognise it unless it was packaged up & sold in £1 shops or Primark or came with tomatoe ketchup on top.
[MrWonderfulReality]

Robert says: “I believe MrWonderfulReality has confused ‘common sense’ with a pair of socks and a burger”.

Thanks to Emily. From the Mail. Don’t click on the link.

I HAVE NOT READ THIS ARTICLE…

Because why should I or anyone else care?

- Jo, Bournemouth, England

I went one better. Didn’t read the article, didn’t comment. Kicking myself I didn’t ignore Jo from Bournemouth as well.

Loren found the following response to some depressing gender bollocks for confused men…

This story is yet another example of feminists wanting to have their cake and eat it. On the one hand they demand a whole slew of institutional positive discrimination in their favour and to be treated as economic and political equals, but yet they still expect men to behave like they were in the 1950s in other respects. Sorry sisters – you can’t have it both ways. You have created a society in which an unwanted romantic gesture can literally be treated as a serious criminal offence. Having done that, you can hardly complain that any men with any sense are not prepared to take the risk.
abusedtaxpayer

Poor abusedtaxpayer. He was only trying to make his feelings known, now he’s on the Romantic Gesturers Register. Maybe just send her a card next year, eh? And just do writing on it. Nothing else.

Thanks to Angel for finding David Grime commenting about religion on telly.

I do wish folks would define religion correctly. Religion is man reaching up to God. Christianity is God reaching down to man through Christ. Therefore, Christianity is not a religion. Judging by some of the comments made to date it is not religion that is needed. The Nation appears to be largely ignorant of what Christianity really is. Programmes putting this right would be most welcome. Unfortunately I cannot see the main stream Churches doing it as they do not seem to know either.
David Grime, Kendal

I totally get what you mean. The mainstream churches are just, like, peddling sell-out, homogenised God-substitute to the ignorant masses. What’s the point of joining a church where you don’t get persecuted because nobody gives a fuck about it? You gotta join one of those indie, queer-basher churches and get right up in peoples faces, acting like a sanctimonious, bigoted, tightly-puckered, badly-knitted anus until they appreciate just how radical you are and start persecuting you properly. And maybe you should get an earring.

Snow. Thanks to Chris…

I think spring is coming.
Christine, England with a parliament rotten at the core!

Yeearh, so’s summer an’ nex’ au’errnn too! Like all the silly skytv weather cat walk forecasters you’d be saying it’s winter ‘cos t’ weather’s turn’d cold an’ if temp above 12°C you’d be saying it’s summer, an’ if nex’ day it was rainin’ you’d say ee’ bai gum ole’ win’er’s back! Put a sock into it woman just because it snows in summer somewhere sometime one day doesn’t make it winter any more than cold weather in winter justifies the dolly girl cat walk weather forecasters telling us “wintry” weather is back. Very warm sunny weather in Feb may be described as “summer” weather but for crying out loud it’s still winter until third week in March !!!
Dennis, Geneva, Switzerland

If there’s one thing Dennis hates more than women, it’s erm… No, I’m not entirely sure. Northerners, maybe..?

I’m willing to bet he also hates conversation, other people enjoying themselves, and when the dolly girl cat walk woman in the house opposite remembers to close her curtains.

I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that the world of right-wing opinion is actually one big competition. Rod Liddle, Melanie Phillips and the angry gaggle of delingpoles that make up the Fucking Blogosphere, it’s all a race to lay down the hardest line on the most sacred PC cow. Nobody wants to be left behind in the Great Conservative Biscuit Game where the loser eats a tofu salad and has to blow a Muslim.

So what do you do when xenophobic petty nationalism goes mainstream? When the rabidly pro-multicultural BBC commissions the White series, Islingtonite haunts like Waitrose and M&S celebrate traditional English cuisine and even Labour ministers are hostile to foreigners just for arriving in Britain. Well, you could always get angry at a dead guy for writing books:

Never heard of him, never read his books. My English school gave me books by English authors to read. Theres enough Americanisation in our culture without having to inflict it on our children. Why dont we remember English authors rather than someone whose work has had little or no influence on Britains children.

[OrangeBugsy], Wiltshire, United Kingdom

It’s a nice thought, but the struggle will never be over while treacherous Communist teachers are indoctrinating our kids to read of their own accord.

Incidentally, have you ever wondered how you’d go about starting a sentence with “Would this be the same pope”? It makes for a delightful party game.

Would this be the same pope whose catholic religon King Henry VIII kicked out the country hundreds of years ago?

He has no valid opinion on anything that happens in this country. He’s an irrelevance.

Richard Hill, Birmingham, United Kingdom

When a fat man with six wives and a manky toe shows you the door, you stay shown the door. Put that in your pope-hat and smoke it, Fritz.