Have Your Say is still sicking up nuggets of braingob on Tesco’s pyjama ban. Thanks, Kirsten!
At last they have made a stand. I haven’t been to Tesco for over 5 years. The last time I went I found it noisy, garish and overlit to the point that it gave me a headache. The last straw came when I found two women arguing, using the “f” word and the “c” word in front of their children, never mind the other customers. As I believe in, and practise, good manners to all, I decamped and went to Waitrose. I always leave Waitrose with a smile on my face and a feeling of wellbeing.
[joy557], devizes, United Kingdom
And fair play to [joy557] for cutting straight through to the shrivelled heart of the matter. This isn’t about pyjamas. It’s not about propriety or decorum or the arbitrary designation of items of clothing as nightwear, not be worn outdoors.
Let’s be honest: nothing could be less conducive to the consumerist experience than the sight of the poor, scattered about the place like human litter, swearing in broad accents. They’ve already got Lidl, Aldi, Poundland and Bargain Booze. Why do they have to invade our shops as well?
Thank God, then, for Waitrose, where the shoppers are appropriately dressed, verbal communication is stilted and unexpressive, and the air is suffused with nitrous oxide.
That’s Waitrose.
50 Responses to “Findus Crispy Pancakes”
Aw, bless. There’s no social problem that can’t be solved by the application of a well-brushed hat (and a trowel full of slap for the little ladies).
I don’t think “appropriately” is the correct word she’s going for there. I think she should have said “like they were on the set of ‘Guys and Dolls’”
I always leave Waitrose with a smile on my face and a feeling of well-being too.
It’s the wanking in the deli egg salad that does it for me.
We don’t have many Waitroses up here in Scotland; I have to rely on Buckfast and super lager for my feeling of wellbeing.
Sorry to derail so quickly, but it looks like I’m going to have to cry off reading any Simon Jenkins article in the Grauniad ever again. His formless rants against everything are bad enough, but the circle-jerk of “I was right, swine flu was never going to be a problem/Harriet Harperson is going to force Catholics to employ lesbian muslims as priests. I don’t need to consult expert opinion on these issues, I just know” is worse.
Case in point
I googled this and the nearest Waitrose to Devizes is in Trowbridge, that’s not very green of you is it Joy? Just because you don’t want to shop with the poor you are increasing your carbon footprint and driving a 20 mile or so round trip. Yeah Joy, bugger global warming, just as long as you don’t have to shop with us common folk. Why don’t you send your butler to do the shopping and avoid the issue altogether.
Thanks [Joy557]! I didn’t realise HTML did tags! Her sense of self-satisfaction must be incredible – whenever I leave Waitrose I feel like I’ve been ripped off and that everyone’s been judging my pajamas.
Of course, the estate provides much of our food. Everything else the good lady wife has sent down from Fortnums.
I believe the staff shop in supermarkets, they sound positively frightful.
Bloody hell, just spotted she lives in Devizes. I live not far from Devizes and shop in Marlborough Waitrose. I know people called Joy. I may know a HYSer.
It is just too exciting.
Oops! Should have written <SNOB> tags.
I guess that means everything from my comment on has been snobbed up.
@RT – what are you “only asking”? Did you misplace your closing bollockquote?
Dumbest, don’t get too excited. She may not be called Joy – her username is just the reading on her happy-o-meter as she skips out of Waitrose
She’s pretty broad-minded actually. Not only did she not object to the “p” word, but apparently
And so generous with information about her shopping preferences:
There is so much more.
I live round the corner from an uber-chav Tesco (I live on a lovely little estate, sadly edged by these appalling paupers) and it’s always full of obese women in leggings (why? WHY?) backhanding their hoody brats, yelling things like ‘Kyron! Pack yer whining in, yer little cunt. Av told yer – now yer 12 you’ve got to buy yer own fags’. Me and TYF go for the comedy-awful value alone.
I, erm, also shop in Waitrose and partly because I like the relaxed, cultured atmosphere. Do I have encroaching HYSitis?
It’s good to see that HYSers come from all classes (of cunts), be that upper class bastards snacking on swan on toast or salt ov ver earff ‘white working class and proud’ cuntbuckets. And all united by their stupidity and hatred of their fellow man. What a fine model of a blended society – NuLiarBore would be proud!
Spesh, set that to a trumpet version of There’ll Always Be An England and you’ll see grown English (NOT British!) men cry!
I was saddened to read from her other posts that Joy dosn’t agree with assisted suicide.
What a wasted opportunity.
Good manners to all!
Except the Muslims.
And the mentally ill.
And the poor.
But hey, at least you practise good manners to all Waitrose shoppers, eh [Joy557]?
Perhaps she just wants to get on with it on her own.
As my authorly friend quoted a university lecturer in his previous book, ‘essentially, with waitrose, it’s not food but space we’re buying’
Because there’s no point showing care and compassion to neglected children, saving them from abuse, misery, poverty and so on, teaching them how to live better lives and make better choices and feel good about themselves, because BAD BLOOD WILL OUT! Showing them any compassion is pointless. Best to kill them all now than put any effort in.
AAARRRRRRRRRRGHGHGHGH!
PS Ceannair – cry indeed. Cry and then wank into their commemorative Chaz ‘n’ Di wedding mug.
Is this Joy our old friend from Switzerland who has decamped to Devizes?
Tesco is shit though…
Parklife!
Ha, ha. I am a cripple and have a blue badge so get the spaces at Morrisons.
She must go to Salisbury as Marlborough Waitrose has limited spaces. Joy we are onto you, stalking you… Nelson has your mobile number.
I think I love you Ugeine
Best comment evar.
I read this as Chaz and Dave.
Seriously, someone should invent a screen for a PC – Ryvita all over it now!
Ugeine won the threadz.
Ceannair:
Um, pretty sure mine’s got one, and if you’re reading this maybe yours does too
Er, I think we’re missing a variable there? Or is the answer just Gordon Brown as usual?
Well I have done the maths (pushes glasses up nose) and worked out that if each of the 19 children has 19 children and so on henceforth, then in 11 generations there will be more poor people in Tesco’s than there are ATOMS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE! Something must be done – perhaps chemical castration?
Or if that’s too ‘radical’ for Gordon Brown, maybe more branches of Aldi would suffice.
Look, now there’s no need for all this rowing about whether or not it’s ok to wear one’s pyjamas to the shops:
http://www.pajamajeans.com/Default.aspx?bhcp=1
Everyone’s happy! Now I can look like I’m respecting the people around me (although I don’t get the logic of that argument, to be honest), while also indulging my slobbish tendencies. Yay!
on the “should we change to being a country with an Army made out of bananas” page:
Today’s Catherine Oliver award winner.
Accepting nominations for tomorrow.
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?sortBy=2&forumID=7470&start=15&tstart=0&edition=1&ttl=20100203145426#paginator
I’m the other Chris. Too many Chris’s. I shall henceforth be known as Chris Tonabike.
Anyway, my point- what black maths helps you figure how long it will be before the children have children of their own? Or how many they’ll have?
My hat’s off to her. I’m numerate but predicting the future is to be really, really, REALLY good at maths.
What? They have stolen our indigenous BRITISH maths now, this country is really going downhill when will Gordon Clown get a grip.
Simples: they’ll start having children nine months after they first go binge-drinking and get laid. And this is made worse by the Nanny State pushing for the “ID anyone who looks under 25″ policy…
No, wait, that’s the wrong way round. It’s the so-called family planning centres spending my hard-earned tax on giving away free contraception…
No, that’s not it either. Is it something to do with the loony liberals telling our kids that it’s OK to sleep with people of the same sex?
I don’t know. I mean, Darkseid Jones goes beyond just Catherine Oliver/Dennis Junior boxfilling. He’s actually pointing out that a HYS debate on this subject (as with 95% of HYS) would be beyond meaningless. The “I can’t comment” is just a disclaimer to point out that he’s not being arrogant with regards to his intellect.
He is however a massive comic book nerd. And I am just as nerdy for recognising that.
Fixed.
@Ceannair – you weren’t saying I was funny, were you, just that Ryvita* is so rank you had to gob it out? And I want a commemorative Chaz ‘n’ Dave mug – can’t believe they’ve split up [tearfully sings 'Snooker Loopy', whilst twanging imaginary braces]
@Ugeine – I doff my tinfoil cap to you, Sir. Stirling work.
*Are you a fellow lady-SYBer? ‘Fess up and join the glorious sisterhood!
Que? Some mistake shurly? I thought having 19 children guaranteed the Guvmint gives you a palace and 100,000 pounds a week. I thought only decent hard-working people lived in poverty in this crypto-communist EUSSR fascist dictatorship.
In case you’re curious kids, those words were “fuck” and “cunt”. The following sentence uses them in the correct manner:
Fuckity cuntsticks you bleedin little cretin – fuckin get me the mini cunting kievs or I’ll cut you right in the hoodie. You fucking cunt.
Ugeine
Wow, that is the Citizen Kane of comments. Hats off indeed.
Disabled people get all the luck
Spesh, let’s see…. *checks down top* …. yup am a girlie.
Either that or Michael Winner.
Don’t worry, dear! It’s just a commercial. But I really am an annoying twat.
I used to be quite good at this reading lark, so I’m going to have a go at parsing this.
If you eat Ryvita, you’re a girl. Woman. Lady. Yes? I only ask because I eat Ryvita sometimes and when I look into my trowser I don’t see no fanny bits.
Oh Rotwatcher, it was an ironic sexist presumption. We don’t expect you men to get it, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it.
And no woman looks into her trousers and sees fanny bits (apart from pubes) unless she is a freakish contortionist.
If Darkseid is who I think he is, then he’s a guy who once posted on a forum about being forced, yes forced against his will, to observe the two minute silence in Tescos on Remembrance Sunday. I don’t know if they held him down, pointed Uzis at him or what.
The flaw in his argument was that he says it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon…
Could be a different wanker though.
Oh Bit Spesh, do you think I have a pretty head? My left profile lit slightly from below brings out my manly chin and hides the unsightly growth.
As for the girly-trouser-inspection scenario, I thought it was compulsory to be shaven these days? Or have I been watching too much Gok Wan?
The Mod