I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that the world of right-wing opinion is actually one big competition. Rod Liddle, Melanie Phillips and the angry gaggle of delingpoles that make up the Fucking Blogosphere, it’s all a race to lay down the hardest line on the most sacred PC cow. Nobody wants to be left behind in the Great Conservative Biscuit Game where the loser eats a tofu salad and has to blow a Muslim.
So what do you do when xenophobic petty nationalism goes mainstream? When the rabidly pro-multicultural BBC commissions the White series, Islingtonite haunts like Waitrose and M&S celebrate traditional English cuisine and even Labour ministers are hostile to foreigners just for arriving in Britain. Well, you could always get angry at a dead guy for writing books:
Never heard of him, never read his books. My English school gave me books by English authors to read. Theres enough Americanisation in our culture without having to inflict it on our children. Why dont we remember English authors rather than someone whose work has had little or no influence on Britains children.
[OrangeBugsy], Wiltshire, United Kingdom
It’s a nice thought, but the struggle will never be over while treacherous Communist teachers are indoctrinating our kids to read of their own accord.
Incidentally, have you ever wondered how you’d go about starting a sentence with “Would this be the same pope”? It makes for a delightful party game.
Would this be the same pope whose catholic religon King Henry VIII kicked out the country hundreds of years ago?
He has no valid opinion on anything that happens in this country. He’s an irrelevance.
Richard Hill, Birmingham, United Kingdom
When a fat man with six wives and a manky toe shows you the door, you stay shown the door. Put that in your pope-hat and smoke it, Fritz.
64 Responses to “Ultra-Hyperjingoism”
Citing the pioneer of matricide as a paean of ‘Englishness’ is precisely why this cunt should be catapulted into some rotating knives.
Why do so many people quoted from the JD Salinger thread feel the need to tell us that they’ve never heard of him? Also, I was under the impression that you were allowed, encouraged even, to read books outside of school? It’s like announcing to the world, “Look at me everyone! I’ve never heard of one of the most famous authors ever AND I’ve not read a book outside of ‘Now’ magazine since I left school!”
Remember folks, you can’t spell “jingoism” without “jism”.
No, no I don’t believe it was. Hundreds of years and all that.
“Would this be the same pope whose catholic religon King Henry VIII kicked out the country hundreds of years ago?”
No, that was Pope Paul III, an entirely different pope. Do keep up.
You’d have thought that a pope who used to be a member of the nazi party would be welcomed by the HYS faithful.
Oh hang on, the nazi’s were foreign racists so therefore a bad thing, unlike Nick Griffin who is a homegrown racist and therefore a good thing…
[Orangebugsy] doesn’t strike me as a particularly English username. Subversive twat.
Also, “Delingpole” should be the official name for a penis protruding from one’s forehead.
A redundant comment as nobody spell checks their HYS brain farts (as proof of that he either hasn’t grammar checked or has sold all his apostrophes to his local greengrocer), but I hope OrangeBugsy has never entered the word “Americanisation” on Google. The z in the “Did you mean” suggestion could tip him even further over the edge.
Why do these drongos put their names in [] – is it some sort of Nazi code?
It’a a myth that “-zation” is the American spelling. As far as I can remember it’s to do with the etymology of the word; if derived from Greek it was -ize, if from Latin it was -ise.
In other news, turkeys are voting for Christmas.
Careful, it means they’re a hacker.
And don’t even try to out-hack them. They use the number 3 instead of the letter e in their passwords so you have literally no chance.
It’s like 1535 was returning for real.
Shit,they’re l33t fucktards or ‘dacres’ as they’re known round here. There’s no fighting that kind of power.
To be fair, Ratty does look old enough to be the same pope that Henry VIII had his little disagreement with.
was david tennant a different doctor who to tom baker?
it’s been the same pope since ADwhatever, what with him being God’s representative on earth and all that – he just regenerates occasionally – that’s what all the smoke is coming out of the vatican.
@Rotwatcher
You had me well excited for a second there. Then it turned out just to be about ‘news’.
The only Sikh I’ve ever known was a big racist against Hindoos and Muslims too. Makes me think that perhaps Britain got away with the whole Indian sub-continent thing… Nice.
@Cougar
Not wishing to split hairs, but Sikhs, Muslims and Hindus are not actually races.
@Palindrome
Except for the fact that Sikhs are considered to be a race in the UK under the 1976 Race Relations Act. Not the other lots though.
Now, think about what you’ve done, and never sully SYB with such insights again. In future we just want to see pointing fingers and sniggering, thanks.
But religionist is such a long word…
And the amount of coats I’ve just put on weighs me down so…
@Cougar
Not to worry, a quick* read through this should have you laughing again.
*and at 48 pages, it couldn’t be anything else.
Would this be the same Henry VIII who nearly bankrupted the country?
The same Henry who invented a religion for his own ends (much like L Ron Hubbard)?
The same Henry who had his own book published? (And we all know who else has got form for that.)
I can see Gordon Clown taking notes now;
Bankrupted country=Check
Invent own Religion=Check (well Nuliabore is nearly a religion)
Write a book= mmm, I know I call that nice Sarah Palin and get some tips, then it is world domination for me.
@Palindrome
Some incredible reviews. Of the two positive ones, the first uses Cuger’s interesting spelling of “religous”, whereas the second uses Brant’s reworked spelling of “exiting”.
Truly a J.D. Salinger of our time (whoever he was).
@Palindrome
How the hell did some of CB/BG’s colouring-in books end up in the States? There are used and new (!) ones on Amazon Marketplace that are dispatched from the USA.
I’ve now got a vision of him, like some sort of deranged, illiterate Gideon, malingering round the motels of the Midwest, leaving his special deposits in drawers as he goes.
@That Bloke – scary, innit?
Just because he’s been kicked out means he’s an irrelevance? Someone better tell that DJ Jazzy Jeff not to talk to the Banks’ no more.
That, and tell all the Catholics in the country/people who aren’t English (not British) to stop having opinions and writing all their tricksy books and that.
I can’t believe two people gave CG/BG 5 star reviews on amazon! They both seem overly enthusiastic about the bomb description though so they might be terrorists or summat.
And both reviews have recommendations too! What is the world coming too?
THey’re sock puppets. Every CB book has at least one reviewer recommending it be made into a film, and that Lukey bloke seems to like every one of them too. They’re both Cuger; I’m certain of it.
Did CB ever show up here to complain? We know he’s bitched about SYB before after finding it from googling his name.
Both those reviews are by Cunt Barger himself. They’ve got the same spelling mistakes as the “books”. Methinks he recommended himself too in some sort of awesome circle of narcissistic onanism. !!!
Yes he has. Check out the comments where he was first spotted.
somewhat late to this thread because I was actually, at the library.
Just to say, in my English school they gave us English authors to read, and what a bunch of old shite they were too.
Girls obsessed by ballet shoes, posh twats having magical adventures on their way to boarding school, and of course Jane fucking Austen,
Want to know a truth universally acknowledged? Any woman who reads Pride and Prejudice past the age of fifteen wants to marry her Dad. Every five years we get another adaptation (‘oh it’s different this time, it’s set in India’ – well fuck you very much.) and another chance to learn that the highest ideal for a girl is to get married, and goal of every romantic comedy is to take an alpha male and turn him into a girl.
Not that I’m bitter of course.
Twats.
PPS Now to check out Cudger Brant online – he strangely isn’t in Islington Central Library. Conspiracy or what?
Ps Jones – Also, “Delingpole” should be the official name for a penis protruding from one’s forehead.
Perfect – absolutely perfect. Thank You. (and having clicked ‘add’ on spellcheck – it’s now part of my dictionary
I bet he thinks the Bible is an English book too.
Methinks [OrangeBugsy] just wishes to lament the demise of, in these humble dominions, the reading of noble Shakespeare, or it may be that he’s a clammy clodpole’s clitoris.
I think you’ll find it’s a bumwipe or cuntslipper of delingpoles.
Come the revolution, Comrades, the fate of each citizen in my glorious Utopia will be decided by the simple question ‘what book are you currently reading?’. If they’ve never read one since school, then the outlook will be bleak. Very, very bleak.
Fuck off. I love Pride & Prejudice and if you could see my Dad you’d know your theory was bollocks. I love the man but by his own admission he looks like a sexually deviant Ukrainian hitman. And besides, everyone knows I only fancy pop-culture characters.
I get my looks from my Mum, before you ask.
ZOMBIE POPE!!! GUUUUGGGGHHHH!!! BRAINS OF CHRIST!!!! BRAINS OF CHRIST!!!!
Absolutely – it’s a bumwipe of delingpoles, but don’t forget a douche of liddles, a stain of bookers and a facepalm of phillips.
It’s a fannyfart of Phillips actually
A brant of cougars.
Dear Bit Special AKA La Spesh
Sexually deviant Ukrainian hitman hey?
Oh, that’s soooo Mr Darcy….(Case proven I think)
However for your ‘cuntslipper of delingpoles’ you have my undying respect.
Which is just what I think she deigns to regale us with her opinons.
Which is just what I think everytime she deigns to regale us with her opinions.
Posting fail. Sigh.
Would this be the same Pope who went to the shops and bought a pound of cooking apples, a jar of Scottish marmalade, a copy of Razzle, err… a small allen key for radiators, an invisible pink unicorn and ahh… a cheap Korean watch.
Your go, Granny.
Apologies for going off-topic but was trawling through HYS as little treat to myself (don’t ask) and came across Harry, who seemed to speak from personal experience when posting on the topic of ‘should social networks take more responsibility for members’…
Fuck off. I love Pride & Prejudice too, and I’m a bloke, and what’s more my dad’s been dead since 1994 so to be honest he wouldn’t make that good a spouse.
While we’re on the subject of collective nouns, don’t forget it’s a wanksock of Clarksons, an ignorance of Bookers and a turtleshead of Gills.
Dear Rotwatcher
Your dad might be dead, but I bet he was mean moody and magnificent when he was alive…
But yet again, I have been won round by your Wanksock of Clarksons
(Turtleshead of Gills however, sounds like an ancient order of craftsfolk, or a 1970′s folk rock )
In return I offer up a Plasterers Radio of Phillips?
(as in she’s sucked so much right wing cock she has a face like a plasterers radio – which, incidentally also works for Christopher Hitchens)
Liddle is called Cap’n Shrek in my house, the collectively noun being a Shithouse or a Spunkbubble of Shreks
Enjoy Mansfield park. Go on, I dare you…
It’s not fair to call Rod Liddle a right wing commentator.
Otherwise, great post.
I also like Mansfield Park. Not keen on Emma though. And I love costume drama. I also like make-up and knitting and I cry at adverts with hurty animals in them. So there. [stamps girly foot]
Is the collective of Dacres ‘a pigfucker of Dacres’?
Mmmmm, books and swearing; now this really IS my fave website of all time!
You’re right. Come on then, let’s think of a new description for the Spectator’s leading reactionary helmet-cheeser.
How about we just call him a cunt?
Also, a giant festering genital boil of Littlejohns.
OK, who wandered off SYB?
Alexander McQueen is no more. So the Beeb are letting HYS express their loss through 500 Never-Heard-of-Him posts and 250 I’m-sorry-but-is-this-really-Newses? Amen.
Tucked in amongst the usual dross was this touching expression of heartfelt grief from the Twitter generation…
Soz hes ded.
btw luvd hiz stuff. Seeyaz x
Dear Bit Special AKA La Spesh
See, now I know you’re just winding me up – no one likes Mansfield Park, no one I tell you. Northanger Abbey kicks Mansfields Park’s butt, and it sucks ass, as Cartman would say.
And as for make up and costume drama….well, if it wasn’t for knitting, adverts with hurty animals in them, and a weakness for books and swearing you’d be my sworn enemy.
But then you go and redeeem yourself – a pigfucker of Dacres – top work.
I was going to suggest a Cunt Casserole of Dacres, but I could be confusing him with Loose Women.
Time for bed said Zebedee
Quite sensibly, they have a policy on Times Online not to let people comment on obituaries or news about dead people. You know, because no-one wants to hear your cock dribble about how said famous person was not heard of by you/not that good anyway/better off dead.
Most throbbing comment?
What a mongoose’s mouldy minge.
It’s not fair calling Dacre a pig-fucker. One wallows in filth and depravity, orgasming as he takes his sordid pleasure amid the stinking shit and the other’s a pig-fucker.
Badum tish.
Yeah, but I’m a bit weird. I hate doughnuts, think Prince is rubbish and love tofu.
Sounds good to me. As an acquaintance of mine once said, “There are two kinds of men – trannies, and trannies in denial.”
That Sikh/BNP thing is disturbing; the gist seems to be “I’m already treated like crap, so if the BNP get in that won’t change, but at least I’ll be able to legally hate muslims as well.”
It was said earlier, but turkeys voting for christmas is the best (so stupid it can’t be true) analogy i can think of. Apart from Sikhs for Griffin. Or wank stains for Cillit Bang.
Bugger this, I’m going to go vent my impotent anger on Have Your Say. Excuse me.
If I’m right.
just read someone on a tobin tax thread refer to the White House as the “shite house”. fuck a duck
Bit Special AKA La Spesh
So I won’t be inviting you to my annual Prince N Doughnuts summer jamboree then.
But thank you for the analogy – you’re right –
Mansfield Park is the tofu of literature…
Bit Special AKA La Spesh
ps. I’m a vegetarian – I’ve tried to like tofu, really I have, it’d make life so much easier. I envy you…
Makes a difference from being obsessed by his body.
dirigible:
Damn you sexy Jeebus!!
I think if you had read your history, you would discover that all Caucasian races spread across the map from Anglesey, carried on driftwood, or maybe hidden in cargoholds of Queen Boudica’s shipping fleet.
Thusly, it is not reasonable to say that the majority of the world’s population is English, even if they don’t speak the language, which most of them now do anyway.
I’m astounded by the ignorance bandied about in this thread. You should all be thouroughly ashamed of yourselves.
Bluster Kreaton BA