Reach Up, Reach Up and Get Down
By NelsonThanks to Angel for finding David Grime commenting about religion on telly.
I do wish folks would define religion correctly. Religion is man reaching up to God. Christianity is God reaching down to man through Christ. Therefore, Christianity is not a religion. Judging by some of the comments made to date it is not religion that is needed. The Nation appears to be largely ignorant of what Christianity really is. Programmes putting this right would be most welcome. Unfortunately I cannot see the main stream Churches doing it as they do not seem to know either.
David Grime, Kendal
I totally get what you mean. The mainstream churches are just, like, peddling sell-out, homogenised God-substitute to the ignorant masses. What’s the point of joining a church where you don’t get persecuted because nobody gives a fuck about it? You gotta join one of those indie, queer-basher churches and get right up in peoples faces, acting like a sanctimonious, bigoted, tightly-puckered, badly-knitted anus until they appreciate just how radical you are and start persecuting you properly. And maybe you should get an earring.
66 Responses to “Reach Up, Reach Up and Get Down”
First!
So which sect/cult/religion is the one with a reach around to God?
Actually Dave, I think you’ll find that I was first.
Fourth!!!
I think David Grime needs to check the fucking dictionary.
Sorry, I couldn’t think of anything funny to say and had never been first before. So, I was just a little over-excited.
Bloody hell, what is the world coming too. Churches don’t even know what Christianity is. That’s almost as bad as my friend trying to tell me that the Catholics killed Jesus. ‘Cause they was Romans, right?
Well, Umbongo, I do wish that folk would stop referring to the dictionary as if it were a reference of the definitions of words. Words are reaching out to people. The dictionary is reaching down to man. Therefore, the dictionary is not a book. Judging by some of the comments made to date on HYS, dictionaries are not needed at all.
off topic, and I apologise, but does anyone know why, when trying to add comment I was whisked away to an email ID site, who sent me a series of links, all of which came up
Sorry, there was an error.
or
Sorry, that request either doesn’t exist or has expired.
am I being blocked for some reason?
And apologies again for going off topic -
That was evident from the post. Why did you bother? Did you think people would respect you? Did you think it would make you feel special? You added nothing. Your comment contained no information. Zero bits. It was not merely irritating but completely and utterly fucking useless.
Please don’t do it again, and please hurt anyone who you know in real live who enjoys writing ‘first’ posts.
ps. and by blocked, I don’t mean cut out or censored – I’m not paranoid – but I am technically inept (I can’t even work out block quotes for Gods sake)
Just want to know what I did wrong
ps now using 2nd email addy which seems to work fine
Did you click on some kind of OpenID thing mebbe?
I hope David Grime doesn’t reach up. I have a feeling I wouldn’t like what emanates from his armpits.
*sigh*
I’ve met Grime’s ilk before. He’s one of those “free church” types who seem to think that by excluding Christianity from the definition of religion, they somehow make it true. Their argument goes something like this:
1) Every religion says something different.
2) All these religions conflict with one another, so none of them can be right.
3) Christianity isn’t a religion because [insert wanky stuff about reaching].
4) Therefore, it’s the truth!
Inspired.
Hullo Nelson, and thank you.
Not knowingly.
I clicked SUBMIT and was taken to a page with an ‘emailtoid Login’ box on it, then emails appeared in my in-tray, but every ‘confirmation link’ failed.
my other addy seems to be working, however.
(that’s if this gets through)
that’s if this gets through
Damn those Marxist Nuliebore moderators…
brimswayne I salute you. Can we censor/block/send to email ID sites never to return everyone who has ever written “First!”? It is unbelievably irritating.
Dear Mr Palindrome
If you glance up a few posts you’ll see I’m being troubled by what I think the young people call ‘a technical hitch’
that’s if this gets through…
The tone’s set nicely by David’s opener:
“I do wish folks would define religion correctly…”
No you fucking don’t. In fact it’s the last thing you wish, because then you wouldn’t be able to smugly correct them. Wrongly.
I don’t have an opinion on this one way or another.
Christ who?
To be more accurate, Christianity is priests reaching down to children through their clothes.
Communion of Christ the Rusty Trombone Player?
Christ: God’s sock puppet.
Actually, now I think about it…
There have been a few David actually – The Root of all Evil, The Enemies of Reason….
Nailed blockquotes first time! Me da best!
Great, I guess we can put a stop to all that charitable, tax-exempt, Gift Aid financial jiggery-pokery that the churches benefit so much from then.
I looked up religion in the thesaurus. It was alongside elves and pixies in the section entitled “prehistoric arsewibble”.
Not that The Oxford English Dictionary is the be all and end all, but I think it’s a slightly more trustworthy authority on the meaning of words then David f*cking Grime.
yeah, fuckin’ ‘first’, ‘first’, ‘first’… the fuckers. On a list of crimes against humanity, it’s right up there with people who advocate the sterilisation of inferior races.
Shoot the fuckers in both knees, first offence, then maybe they’ll learn not to fuck about with other peoples’ threads.
Fourty-fifth-and-a-halfthst!
If David is so keen on “reaching” will someone just hand him a Kleenex so he can wipe please; Elton goes in dry or not at all.
It’s worse then child molestation, in my opinion. I’m literally angry with rage.
Well maybe David just means that Jesus was a nice person -love, forgiveness, redemption, anti- materialism, don’t stone that girl, here’s some wine etc- whereas his ghastly followers appear to be full of bile, retribution, prejudice, smiting, conjecture, not Adam & Steve etc
Though David probably *is* one of the ghastlies.
Last!!!
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
I’m so glad you came here.
I’ve always been confused about those two myself. It’s almost as if Christianity is deliberately marketing itself as a ‘religion’, confusingly. I knew there was something glaringly obvious and wrong in Augustine, Aquinas and Luther’s ideas, but, unlike Mr Grime, I couldn’t put my trembling, stubby, semen-encrusted finger on it.
Re ‘first’…
In 1994 I went to The Hacienda for the 1st time… I was having an awesome ‘Hacienda’ time; as happy as a spaniel with six million tails. I was the music. I loved everyone. I rushed about blagging hugs from all and sundry etc etc etc. I was in perfect heaven.
Then some aggressive, sour toss-pot collared me and told me I was ‘stupid fucking dick’ and should calm down. He’d obviously been there dozens of times and felt he had precedence of experience and that I had no right to behave contrary to his wishes. He completely skewered my feelings of joy and left me feeling empty and stupid.
But surely there was a night that was his first night? Why does repeated use automatically confer seniority? Not everyone is an tired old net-head who’s read “first” a million times. It may be a cliche to some, but not to all.
This thread is about meddlesome God-botherers; as Jesus said, “suffer little children who come unto SYB.”
God goes in dry or not at all.
That’s security for you.
What a shame you haven’t got over this yet sixteen years later.
You were running round like a dick invading everybody’s space and maybe not everyone really wants to be bullied into a hug from a zombied-up stranger.
It’s not even that *first* is cliched. It’s just fucking pointless.
Yes. It’s exactly the same as that.
I dare say the clown-attired tosspot who was going around inflicting face-paint on perfect strangers felt that way after he tried doing it to me at an outdoor festival a few years back.
Re conflict (and sorry to be sentimental)
I have a friend from the Deep South, USA, and after a recent trip home, he told me that fifty years after the civil rights movement, they’ve finally found something that unites black and white people –
a hatred of Mexicans.
Can we not learn from this shining example?
Let’s remember why we’re here – not to turn on the weak and boring, but to abuse, denigrate and fantasize about fucking Ron Liddle up the arse with a cheese grater? (or is that just me)
Of course, I’ve just discovered that ‘Escape To Victory’ in on ITV4 today so I could just be in an unreasonably good mood.
Ps Father Parsimonious. Even if you posted the most brilliantly, incisive, and witty comment ever seen on this site – if you ended it with a smiley face, I’d still think you were a cunt.
Yes, well, defending the right to write “First!!” and doing smiley faces, as well as admitting to indiscriminate, promiscuous hugging is quite the portfolio of prickishness, sadly.
(Mind you, I’m could swear Nelson has used the smileyface unironically on occasions. Apologies if I’m dreaming).
bollocks..
I see what you did, and I’m keeping your coat as compensation.
Also, Elton goes in First! or not at all.
Last!!
@Puerile twat ‘last!!’
..oh fuck…
What’s so funny about peace, love and understanding? (and hugs and smiley faces)
I am not going to comment on this post, but the post is indeed going to reach up and take my words and put them on the screen under my name for your reader’s edification and to promote peace, love, understanding and smiley faces. Shalom.
Help me.
A friend of mine, from when I lived in the UK, has just e-mailed me. Included in it was a long rant about the state of things in Britain, and he used the phrase ‘Zanu Liebore’.
I always thought that he was quite rational. Now I’ve discovered that he may be a HYSer.
It was bad enough discovering that my cousin’s a creationist. Now this.
Fiftieth!!! woot. Where do I collect my prize?!?
Also, nobody has explained what Christianity actually is. Any thoughts? I’m thinking its actually a fitness/diet craze.
Christianity? It’s a hobby: live-action role-playing, but without the foam swords. It’s got it all: epic battle of good versus evil, magic, treasure, fantastic creatures, funny clothes, zombies, you name it.
As for “first” posters, what gets me about this is how selfish it is. Most posters have an idea that their contribution may be of some value to others: providing information, stimulating discussion, raising a smile etc. Even HYS posters, in their deluded way, think they’re doing something useful. But your “first” poster knows that all they’re doing is feeding their own short-lived sense of minor accomplishment, and that nobody else will get anything out of it.
@ Theodore.
Best comment ever. I have actually gone back to read it again. Honourable mentions to Schroduck and Cab Grunter too – a trifecta of comments that outdoes the Father, Son and Holy Ghost…
Christianity is clearly a new dance move. Luke to the left, John hands and groove until your energy Peters out…
jpr – I’d put a few Qs to him about, oh I don’t know, things like immigration – and if he continues in that vein, drop him! My parents are sub-HYSers (only with reduced racism, on account of being Asian), so I feel your pain.
So good I have to quote it.
Actually, Wink Martindale explained it all (and so tastefully elocuted)…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPjeHr5WK0g
“When I look at the ace…”
FIST, goes in dry or not at all!!!!11!!!!1
LOL!!!!11!!!!
Try telling him he should live in New Zealand, where no-one bothers to make up hilarious portmanteaus, neologisms or other forms of puns, or plays on words, and instead just goes with: “I can’t believe this entire country is run by a bunch of fucking farmers. Un-fucking-believable.”
I use smileys a lot ar.
They’re a very handy part of realtime textual communication and I’ve probably spent more time than most people doing realtime textual communication.
WAY more. smileyface.
ok speak you’re branes,
this mindless religion bashing makes you no better than the hot-headed twats that plauge HYS.
Hypocrite much?
Maybe you need to take 5 minutes to think about what this site actually represents.
I’m not really religious myself, but it really pisses me off when some smug prick acts like he has it all figured out: “There is no physical evidence, so I’ll pour scorn on other people’s beliefs.”
cunt
Sheepless
“As for “first” posters, what gets me about this is how selfish it is. Most posters have an idea that their contribution may be of some value to others: providing information, stimulating discussion, raising a smile etc. Even HYS posters, in their deluded way, think they’re doing something useful. But your “first” poster knows that all they’re doing is feeding their own short-lived sense of minor accomplishment, and that nobody else will get anything out of it.”
Haha. You people write interesting things to stimulate discussion because you are all such wonderful people. Is that correct? My writing “first” was a waste of your time. I don’t suppose that reading “first” took much longer than finding this site on the web and certainly no longer than writing how annoyed you were about reading the word “first”. You people are all ridiculous. Fucking hilarious (and that’s why I come back to this site). But ridiculous.
I did. Then I realised that it’s just highly indicative of the same kind of groupthink that plagues HYS, and that you’re actually a bit of a James Blunt for even suggesting that a bunch of liberal pussies are going to even care about the feelings of anyone’s imaginary friends, especially when they’ve got some atheistic whinging about the general inability of man to live without some stupid fucking higher purpose to get on with.
I also thought you were a bit stupid if you couldn’t tell the difference between whining about HYSers whining about ZaNuLiarbore or why our hard earned tax pounds should be spent on internet for our troops equipments’ Facebooks and some attacks on half-arsed, retarded buffet religionism that’s no more valid than someone nailing Cuger Brant to a bit of wood because of what he believes and the voices in his head.
Oh, and fucking first, ya cunt.
No. It’s about taking the piss, and continuing to take it until the piss-fountain runs dry (or not at all), which is unlikely as long as HYS continues to exist in its present form.
Actual lol.
I also fail at blockquotes
Ah, if only my last name was grime