Miscellaneous Prats and Outsiders and Plain Weird12 Feb 2010 08:00 am

When Can You Call It Wintry, Then?

By Gainsbourg

Snow. Thanks to Chris…

I think spring is coming.
Christine, England with a parliament rotten at the core!

Yeearh, so’s summer an’ nex’ au’errnn too! Like all the silly skytv weather cat walk forecasters you’d be saying it’s winter ‘cos t’ weather’s turn’d cold an’ if temp above 12°C you’d be saying it’s summer, an’ if nex’ day it was rainin’ you’d say ee’ bai gum ole’ win’er’s back! Put a sock into it woman just because it snows in summer somewhere sometime one day doesn’t make it winter any more than cold weather in winter justifies the dolly girl cat walk weather forecasters telling us “wintry” weather is back. Very warm sunny weather in Feb may be described as “summer” weather but for crying out loud it’s still winter until third week in March !!!
Dennis, Geneva, Switzerland

If there’s one thing Dennis hates more than women, it’s erm… No, I’m not entirely sure. Northerners, maybe..?

I’m willing to bet he also hates conversation, other people enjoying themselves, and when the dolly girl cat walk woman in the house opposite remembers to close her curtains.

35 Responses to “When Can You Call It Wintry, Then?”

  1. on 12 Feb 2010 at 8:31 am   Schroduck

    Whining that seasons don’t really start until the equinoxes and solstices is secondly only to pointing out the difference between “who” and “whom” in sheer arseholish pedantry.

  2. on 12 Feb 2010 at 8:32 am   Schroduck

    “Second only”, even. Sigh.

  3. on 12 Feb 2010 at 8:52 am   Two Dogs Fucking

    Dennis from Geneva is heap big arsehole. He need smoke-um peace pipe with brothers from place in clouds or they come in iron bird and ram whippet up tail pipe.

  4. on 12 Feb 2010 at 9:39 am   Cab Grunter

    Pennis. And not in a good way.

  5. on 12 Feb 2010 at 9:54 am   Roeby

    Dennis actually scares me…

  6. on 12 Feb 2010 at 10:22 am   Petpete

    I suppose if I spent my days doing nothing but wanking furiously over Sky News’ weather girls with one hand and trying to hold my wig in place with the other I’d be pretty angry as well.

  7. on 12 Feb 2010 at 10:48 am   underscore

    Is it me, or can you feel the (angry and arseholish) sexual tension between those two? It’s obvious that “spring” is a pet name for Dennis, and his rant is an attempt to delay the vinegar strokes by thinking of ‘The North’.

  8. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:05 am   Rotwatcher

    @Two Dogs Fucking – monitor meets chewing gum.

  9. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:08 am   Nelson

    I reckon Dennis is one of those people who glances at his watch every time anybody says “Good morning” just so that he can correct them if it’s one minute past midday.

  10. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:24 am   Minty Bumjif

    Dennis from Geneva is heap big arsehole. He need smoke-um peace pipe with brothers from place in clouds or they come in iron bird and ram whippet up tail pipe.

    F*cking brilliant! Almost lived up to the dream of liquid on lcd (liquid not being present in mouth avoided this).

  11. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:35 am   democracy_grenade

    “Put a sock into it.”

  12. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:36 am   Hillhunt

    Never mind the chilly weather. We can all warm ourselves on the glow of nostalgia as we remember Nelson Mandela’s walk to freedom.

    Or the fact that he’s an old boot shagger at least.

  13. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:51 am   marnarama

    A bit off-topic but it looks like Marina Hyde has been reading SYB, thinks it’s a great idea and is copying it for the Guardian:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/lostinshowbiz/2010/feb/10/most-priceless-daily-mail-comment

  14. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:55 am   Hillhunt

    That old boot shagger reference:

    http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/2010/02/nelson-mandela-boot-shagger.html

  15. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:58 am   Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

    Well, Dennis, actually, it’s Winter only until the end of February…

    …if I’m right. Which I am. Because I’m currently looking at my watch.

  16. on 12 Feb 2010 at 12:10 pm   Ed aka Ghost of Cuger-Jaggar, PhD

    Put a sock into it.

    The sock goes in dry or not at all.

    ps, Don’t look at this if you don’t like ropy artwork: Sick Sense of Inevitability: Valentine.

  17. on 12 Feb 2010 at 1:24 pm   That Bloke in the corner

    Thanks for the link marnarama, there was a beautiful comment further down,

    SidTheSpiv

    10 Feb 2010, 4:27PM

    Even Hitler might have balked at being featured in a publication as extreme as the Mail.

    And as for Dennis-he is a decaying Badgers ravaged anus.

  18. on 12 Feb 2010 at 1:27 pm   Not Waving But Drinking

    Glancing up from my tea and jaffa cakes, my problem with Dennnis is not that he hasn’t got a point (inaccuracies about seasons, Sky weather girls being bimbos)

    It’s that it isn’t a point worth making – ever.

    And although he gets marks on the mad-o-meter for his shit awful Somerset dialect, for me, he fails to reach the heady heights of HYS’s usual hand-me-the-dart-gun-crazy, by not linking his observations to climate change, Islam, or Gordon Brown (or lefty moderators who want to silence his free thinking and willingness to say dangerous truths).

    He doesn’t even really have a grip on INAPPROPRIATE USE OF CAPITALS, or exclamation marks!!!!!!!

    In short, he’s like those twazzocks at new year’s eve party’s who at two minutes to midnight say “see you next year!” and expect you to laugh.

    Maybe he needs to read more Cudger Brant. (I know I do)

  19. on 12 Feb 2010 at 1:41 pm   That Bloke in the corner

    I think spring is coming.
    Christine, England with a parliament rotten at the core!

    I did think for a minute that this was our Saint Christine, but the rotten parliament bit has thrown me. If it is our Saint Christine, is she planning to stand as an independent at the election?
    Or is this some pearls and twin set, home counties WI type, trying to steal our Saints place in our hearts?

  20. on 12 Feb 2010 at 1:43 pm   Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

    Not Waving But Drinking

    …his shit awful Somerset dialect…

    I think it’s supposed to Northern. I spotted an “Eee by gum” in there, and overzealous use of the “t’” contraction. Which no Notherner would ever use, anyway.

  21. on 12 Feb 2010 at 1:44 pm   That Bloke in the corner

    I’ve just realise I have been an utter twat and mixed Christine up with Catherine Oliver, there are too many HYS people with a ‘C’ in their name.
    I’m going to get my coat, probably for the best.

  22. on 12 Feb 2010 at 2:03 pm   Edwin

    What a charming glob of goats goo Dennis is.

  23. on 12 Feb 2010 at 2:05 pm   Not Waving But Drinking

    Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

    Thank you. I missed the ‘ee’ bai gum’ (sic) I think by that point, I’d already lost the will to read.

    But reading it back, he starts Somerset

    so’s summer an’ nex’ au’errnn too!

    then drifts north, sort of like Tony Hancock in The Bowmen…

    (obscure comic ref no. 467)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3ks4qtAx-A

  24. on 12 Feb 2010 at 2:29 pm   nordelius

    So he’s upset because TV weather forecasters are sometimes mildly attractive* women?

    *I’m clearly excluding Isobel Lang from Sky News here. Whom I freely admit I would bang like a cheap gong given the opportunity.

  25. on 12 Feb 2010 at 3:17 pm   hopkirk (deceased)

    Give Dennis a choice. Christine v Muslim.

  26. on 12 Feb 2010 at 3:31 pm   RT

    Confused about how to feel about women? Lives in Geneva? I’m guessing Dennis works at CERN…

  27. on 12 Feb 2010 at 5:43 pm   Soldier Svejk

    Rotwatcher, thanks a million for introducing me to the sport of Daily Mail Baiting. Now that I registered there I can post an opinion and find out how right it is by the number of negative ratings that it gets.

  28. on 12 Feb 2010 at 6:37 pm   Cab Grunter

    Dennis is a large hadron collider

  29. on 12 Feb 2010 at 6:43 pm   Cab Grunter

    Sorry, large hardon collider. That’s what I meant.

  30. on 12 Feb 2010 at 11:49 pm   Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

    Not Waving But Drinking

    Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

    Thank you. I missed the ‘ee’ bai gum’ (sic) I think by that point, I’d already lost the will to read.

    But reading it back, he starts Somerset

    so’s summer an’ nex’ au’errnn too!

    then drifts north, sort of like Tony Hancock in The Bowmen…

    I think we just found the HYS equivalent of an Indian accent that starts off Welsh and turns Jamaican.

  31. on 13 Feb 2010 at 10:06 pm   Cab Grunter

    @Massive…

    You’re bang on there. Had me in mind of the guy in The Fast Show who started his stories with “can’t do the accent” and then has a go anyway.

  32. on 14 Feb 2010 at 3:08 pm   KJB

    Two Dogs Fucking: you might’ve made me cry laughing.

    Dennis just needs some encouragement with the dolly girl cats, a la Ice Cube:

    You can do it, put your sock into it.

  33. on 25 Feb 2010 at 9:47 pm   yeah but

    I’m Christine, England, could someone please have a look at my parliament

  34. on 25 Feb 2010 at 9:54 pm   yeah but

    Oh to be a hys nutter, just this once, I’d be all parLIARment, has that been done yet

  35. on 25 Feb 2010 at 10:00 pm   yeah but

    single-member plurality = gay conspiracy
    I’d rule them all