spEak You're bRanes

Outsiders15 Feb 2010 08:00 am

By Gainsbourg

Loren found the following response to some depressing gender bollocks for confused men…

This story is yet another example of feminists wanting to have their cake and eat it. On the one hand they demand a whole slew of institutional positive discrimination in their favour and to be treated as economic and political equals, but yet they still expect men to behave like they were in the 1950s in other respects. Sorry sisters – you can’t have it both ways. You have created a society in which an unwanted romantic gesture can literally be treated as a serious criminal offence. Having done that, you can hardly complain that any men with any sense are not prepared to take the risk.
abusedtaxpayer

Poor abusedtaxpayer. He was only trying to make his feelings known, now he’s on the Romantic Gesturers Register. Maybe just send her a card next year, eh? And just do writing on it. Nothing else.

60 Responses to “Say It With Fluids”

on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:15 am Clair Ity

The primacy of this limited electronic missive visa-vis subsequent, or indeed no-existent preceeding textual blocks of a similar length and intent indicates it’s initiallity.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:41 am Rumpleforeskin

R.A.P.E. – Random Act of Passion, Exaggerated?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:50 am Any Rand will do

From another comment in that thread

Find me a woman first before i write poems.
[info]indy76 wrote:
Monday, 8 February 2010 at 12:28 pm (UTC)
Ive not seen any women in the uk for years!.

The ones you see in Thailand aren’t actually women either, even though they tell you they’re ladies.

Ive seen lots of ladets who want to dominate men though and call there domination “equality”

Oh, and those magazines aren’t about “Sales & Marketing” despite what your mates told you. “Independent Minds”?

@Clair Ity – you’re even more of a tosser than somebody who just writes “First!”
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:00 am Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

First!

Oh shi-
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:43 am Petpete

I’d really need to know what this gent’s gesture was before accurately commenting. Personally, I’d bet it involved wiping his bellend on her chin whilst she was on the tube.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 10:04 am random punter

@Clair Ity

At least “first” is not open to grammatical challenge. Five mistakes in one sentence makes you an illiterate cunt, not just an ordinary one.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 10:40 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

abusedtaxpayer is right though – us modern women just don’t appreciate a good date rape like previous generations did.

Ive not seen any women in the uk for years!.

That’s because we’re all hiding from you. No decent woman would be seen dead with a man who can’t punctuate correctly.

PS That cake better be organic and gluten-free.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 10:50 am Philbert

Ive not seen any women in the uk for years!

Is that because they’re all burka-clad forriners?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:03 am Nanaya

@ Rumpleforeskin

What with the what now? Is that meant to be funny?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:19 am Cab Grunter

You have created a society in which an unwanted romantic gesture can literally be treated as a serious criminal offence.

You can’t do anything in this country anymore mate: it’s political correctness gone mad. You know, you can’t even write misogynistic abuse in human excrement on someone’s car without the politically correct brigade jumping down your throat.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:20 am Cab Grunter

abusedtaxpayer goes in unwanted or not at all.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:44 am Magnus V. Inkerman

He’s right, you know.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:23 pm clute

abusedtaxpayer is the best username ever.

I wonder if strangerinmyownland, deathtobenefitthieves or Tony B. Liar are taken?

“On the one hand they demand a whole slew of institutional positive discrimination in their favour and to be treated as economic and political equals, but yet they still expect men to behave like they were in the 1950s in other respects.”

I know, right?! Thems were the days, when your boss could happily feel you up in the corridor and you couldn’t say a word about it, but now you can’t so much as wank at them on the bus without them getting all uppity.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:26 pm random punter

Poor old abusedtaxpayer really does have “issues”. The paragraph preceding the one quoted above:

Interesting, because women are responsible for almost all the antisocial mobile phone use I see. When I was a PhD student I worked part-time in a library: at least 90% of the people I had to tell off or kick out for using their mobiles in there were female. It’s always women you see using mobiles in the ‘quiet carriage’ on trains, and interrupting dinners, meetings, cinema and theatre performances etc. to take calls and write text messages. Mobile phone misuse is an almost exclusively female disease.

Nobody ever phones him or sends him text messages, poor dear. All those lezzie wimmin just communicate with one another whilst blithely ignoring the opportunity to interface with a Real Man™. Bet he ran a mean library though.

Perhaps he ought to get a phonejammer to assert his omnipotence.

//tangent//
I do actually possess one of those – absolutely fuckin’ hilarious on public transport and in eateries. Obviously I don’t use it nowadays, as I’m in a stable relationship and have a non-library-based job. And a car.
//end tangent//
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:42 pm DonkeySquicker

Incoming!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8515592.stm
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:52 pm clute

1,000 people! If that’s not representative…
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:57 pm EviltheCat

wanting to have their cake and eat it

I’ve never understood this phrase; what sort of miserable bus turd wouldn’t want to eat their cake?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 12:58 pm EviltheCat

PS That cake better be organic.

I dunno, eating organic is about as moronic as posting on HYS.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 1:30 pm Theodore

Abusedtaxpayer obviously regrets the passing of the age when foreplay consisted of clubbing a lady over the head and dragging her back to your cave. But at least he has the internet now and can probably download images of kind of stuff and masturbate to his heart’s content.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 1:57 pm EviltheCat

Sorry to go off topic, but you know HYS has hit a new low when they end with a Bon Jovi quote:

i’m a social drinker and i, surely like all drinkers, know the consequences, but as Bon Jovi once said – ITS MY LIFE

paul gill, llantrisant
on 15 Feb 2010 at 1:58 pm A woman

So I either get economic and political equality or a romantic gesture from abusedtaxpayer?

*thinks really hard*
on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:03 pm Not Waving But Drinking

Personally I’m in favour of social and political equality and men behaving like they were in the 1950′s

In fact I can still remember my first date with Mr Not Waving But Drinking, when he quite won my heart by invading Suez and then we stayed up into the late hours, holding hands and wondering what to call black people

Ah, memories
on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:08 pm Loumo

@EvilTheCat.
It’s about wanting to have your cake and eat it simultaneously, i.e. consume the cake and yet still have cake. And now typing cake repeatedly has made me hungry.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:11 pm Mal

Ive[sic] seen lots of ladets[sic] who want to dominate men though and call there[sic] domination “equality”

I’ve known* women who want to dominate men and call it £100/hr.

*Not in their professional capacity I hasten to add.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 2:24 pm Cab Grunter

Mal:

I’ve known* women who want to dominate men and call it £100/hr.

*Not in their professional capacity I hasten to add.

Oh right – just biblically then.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:12 pm Theodore

It’s about wanting to have your cake and eat it simultaneously.

I see that as somebody who wants cake but already has cake and is eating the cake. If I was eating cake, I wouldn’t want cake because I had cake.

I am also now hungry.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:22 pm RT

Off-topic, I know, sorry, but I’ve not been in the country for a while so could someone explain to me what the fuck has happened to the Indie?

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/bruce-anderson/bruce-anderson-we-not-only-have-a-right-to-use-torture-we-have-a-duty-1899555.html

Choice quote:

We have captured a terrorist, but he is a hardened character. We cannot be certain that he will crack in time. We have also captured his wife and children”.

After much agonising, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one answer to Sydney’s question. Torture the wife and children. It is a disgusting idea. It is almost a tragedy that we even have to discuss it, let alone think of acting upon it.

What’s the equivalent of crocodile tears when you talk about something like it saddens you, except it gives you a massive stiffy?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 3:41 pm Rotwatcher

Off-topic, I know, sorry, but I’ve not been in the country for a while so could someone explain to me what the fuck has happened to the Indie?

Bruce Anderson’s a real bogey, isn’t he. Like most professional contrarians (Burchill, Gill, Liddle, Hume) he fancies that taking a contentious stance on a matter that was hitherto unquestioned makes him brave and a genuine seeker-after-truth. Whereas, of course, it merely confirms that he’s a turd-flavoured fuckstick of the first water.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 4:02 pm Cab Grunter

Bruce “Stalin was harsh – but fair” Anderson:

That might sound frivolous. But there would be nothing frivolous about a ticking bomb. Cobra, the Cabinet’s emergency committee, is in permanent session somewhere under Whitehall: the intelligence chiefs, grey and drawn from lack of sleep, inform the Prime Minister, ditto, that it seems almost certain that a nuclear device is primed to explode in the next few hours. There is a man in custody who probably knows where it is. They are ready to use whatever methods are necessary to extract the information…

Furiously wanking, pudgy little arm pumping up and down as he prays that 24 will come true in London. “Yeah, get him Jack, get him real good… pump pump pump… Work that wife, waterboard the bitch, pull the fingernails out of the kid… pump pump… Huuuuuuuuhhh.”

What a complete and utter bell-end. And what conceivable circumstances would this ticking bomb bollocks occur in? None. It’s millions to one. What a disgusting, morally bankrupt fool. Ticking bomb? Or, suicide bombers. The clue’s in the sodding name for crying out loud. Moronic sadist. Grrr!

I’m so angry with the Independent. Unbefuckinglievable.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 4:32 pm Philbert

@Cab Grunter

And what conceivable circumstances would this ticking bomb bollocks occur in? None. It’s millions to one.

Nonsense! That kind of thing happens to Kiefer Sutherland all the time.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 4:39 pm ironic

Sorry sisters – you can’t have it both ways. You have created a society in which an unwanted romantic gesture can literally be treated as a serious criminal offence.

Yeah modern women are rubbish you should go on every message board ever just to make sure anyone who doesn’t know can easily find out.
I mean who didn’t give their wife or girlfriend an ‘alabama hot pocket’ for valentines?
What do you mean you’re calling the police?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 5:02 pm Not Waving But Drinking

Thank you Mr Grunter. Well ranted,

What gets me about these tedious wanksocks, is their inability to grasp the most basic intelligence distinction – that of puzzles and mysteries.

For example, where is Osama Bin Laden? That’s a classic puzzle, you could find him if you had the right information, say he’s on that hill in the Peshawar, 3rd cave to the left.

What would happen in Iraq once Sadaam was over thrown, or in Afghanistan once the Talliban were ousted – now that was a mystery.

Mysteries require judgement and a capacity to handle uncertainty, puzzles require facts. If you apply the reductive logic of puzzles to mysteries you are bound to end up with Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib and TV series like 24 (cue ‘furiously wanking, pudgy little arm pumping up and down’).

The cold war was a puzzle; how many tanks did Russia have, how many missiles etc. Where as the war on terror is a mystery; the problem not being lack of information, but too much fucking information – too much CCTV, too many emails, too much internet traffic… Drowning brown people is not merely immoral, it’s completely fucking irrelevant.

What we need is Alan Turin. What we get is self aggrandizing twatbaskets, with delusions of competence and both hands down their pants.

Oh hand me the breadknife mother, I can feel a turn coming on.

Rant over. Now please feel free to return to insulting abusedtaxpayer
on 15 Feb 2010 at 5:36 pm Goldstein

cue ‘furiously wanking, pudgy little arm pumping up and down’

Thanks, I’ve been waiting for my chance to shine.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 6:26 pm Mr Poo

Thanks, I’ve been waiting for my chance to shine.

I’m “polishing” as I type this.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 6:36 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

If I was eating cake, I wouldn’t want cake because I had cake.

You’ve clearly never had PMT.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 6:45 pm Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

RT

What’s the equivalent of crocodile tears when you talk about something like it saddens you, except it gives you a massive stiffy?

Alligator horn.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 7:40 pm Cab Grunter

@Not Waving But Drinking

Indeed. I have a breadknife if you need one. It’s a bit blunt mind, but then it ought to hurt more, so hey ho.

Right, back to abusedtaxpayer. What a cunt.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 7:59 pm Cab Grunter

Actually, bollocks, I have one more thing to add about this Bruce “Cheney’s Dick” Anderson.

The security services get intel that this bomb is about to go off. Ticking. And then our oh-so-competent MI5 decide that the man who has the relevant information is one Bruce Anderson. So they get his wife, and his children, and they torture them in front of him.

In fact they make him pick which one they’re going to shoot in the back of the head. They kneecap his 3 year-old daughter with a black & decker drill and they run electricity through his wife’s feet in a bucket of water. Then they do a “marathon man” dental job on little Timmy. So Bruce tells them he knows where the bomb is. He tells them anything. Except he doesn’t know where it is. There’s probably no bomb.

There is a flaw in my hypothetical situation here of course – no woman in her right mind would let this despicable tuft of rectal pubic hair anywhere near her in the first place. That’s where the wanking comes in, either over torture porn or a nice bit of girl-on-girl action starring Phillips and Widdecombe.

Why are they all called Bruce too? Sheesh.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:17 pm Sheepless

What we need is Alan Turin.

Sadly, he’s gone. But at least we know what he looked like, because of his shroud.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 8:33 pm huge festering dunny

Could it be the death of HYS? Members no longer have the ability to wank themselves into a most recommended fury, or recommend brainfarts at all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2010/02/changes_to_have_your_say.html

Also of note is the fact that HYS accounts will not be used anymore. All that senseless babble lost.

I don’t know whether to cry or celebrate.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:06 pm random punter

Like hfd, I didn’t know whether to cry or celebrate. Then I started to read the comments. A Collection of HYS Wankspeak of National Importance in the making, a cornucopia of cockjuice.

Just to kick off:

At 2:41pm on 15 Feb 2010, royalalbertdock wrote:
What ultimate difference will it make. Same old left wing, PC, liberal BBC bias personified by the current first BBC commandment, ‘ Thou shalt not criticise gays ‘ – any such comment will be rejected or held for moderation until question has passed.

Second BBC commandment and subject to the same restrictions as the above, ‘Thou shalt not criticise the government or any of it’s social/cultural/multicultural policies.

Particularly welcome however are all comments critical of religion, particularly Christianity ( but naturally excluding Islam ) Israel, America ( excluding Obama )Tories and anything supportive of traditional family values and traditional British culture and it’s fast disappearing way of life under a deluge of multiculturalism and mass immigration.

At all times the BBC reserves it’s right to retain and defend it’s de facto monopolistic position and be sacrosanct from all and any criticism particularly it’s profiligate waste of and self indulgent use of our licence money.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:06 pm Any Rand will do

All that senseless babble lost.

I’ve had my say on things you people wouldn’t believe. 1984returnsforreal off topic on the subject of Iran. I watched Catherine Oliver witter in the dark near the Salinger debate (“I never did catcher in the rye which is a shame”). All that senseless babble will be lost in time… like shit down a drain… Time to cry. Or celebrate.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:08 pm random punter

p.s.

Anyone like to ‘fess up to writing that? Was it the twat-o-tron?
on 15 Feb 2010 at 9:37 pm Not Waving But Drinking

Sheepless, how beautifully corrected – thank you (I’d hoped no-one would notice)

And Cab, re the flaw in your argument – that’s not why he’s childless – there are enough ToryRUs women out there to propagate the species otherwise the Mail would go under. He’s childless because he spends his weekends watching Tracy Beaker with a box of tissues on his lap*.

Lastly re HYS new guidelines – I thought it was bound to come – BBC being public body and all – but don’t worry, there’s the Torygraph, Der Sturmer, Everything-Owned-By-Murdoch, so many many places for the unhinged to run wild and free.

But Wankspeak of National Importance is Good and necessary work. Please keep posting.

*Thank you ‘Being Human’ – sometime last week
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:01 pm tut teh

At 1:06pm on 15 Feb 2010, Eponymous Cowherd wrote:

***”Some elements of the current service – including recommendation – will not be carried over to the new system”***

I see.

One of the most useful and informative parts of HYS is the ability to use it as a gauge of public opinion courtesy to the “recommendation” feature.

The problem for the BBC is that most of the recommendations are contrary to the BBC’s left-wing liberal bias, aren’t they?

The solution? Simple! Abolish the recommendation system on the back on an “improvement”.

This wouldn’t have anything to do with the forthcoming General Election and the BBC’s desire to protect its New Labour masters from bad press, would it?

Of course not!

HYS is a gauge of public opinion?
Fucking hell we’re fucked.
on 15 Feb 2010 at 11:59 pm The Victorious Punge

5. At 1:10pm on 15 Feb 2010, Richard wrote:

Why are you removing the recommendation system? Surely, by definition, shows readers which comments are popular…

Without a rec system comment-boards are wide open to astroturfing by people with a specific agenda, posting multiple comments in favour of a specific side of the debate in order to give the impression of mass support where none exists…

Yep. ‘Cause that never happens under the current HYS “rec system”. No, sir. Not seen that happen, not once. Wow, that’s a scary future you’re proposing. Better get back to the old, untouchable recs, eh.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:52 am Cab Grunter

Random cockjockey:

Some comment pages span into the hundreds – very few people have time to trawl through the lot. By clicking the Recommended tab, we can read the comments voted most popular, instead of just the last few to make it into the list.

So, he doesn’t like all that reading and words and stuff. Only the reactionary bullshit (that shows why we have representatives in parliament and not just a big, red Kill Immigrants button by the kettle). Ok. Presumably he expects everyone else to read his posts though. And how does he think they get recommended in the first place? Is it the ghost of Enoch Powell tinkering with the interwebs to show the faithful the true way?
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:51 am one of the eds

At 2:41pm on 15 Feb 2010, royalalbertdock wrote:
What ultimate difference will it make. Same old left wing, PC, liberal BBC bias personified by the current first BBC commandment, ‘ Thou shalt not criticise gays ‘ – any such comment will be rejected or held for moderation until question has passed…

He’s right though, isn’t he? I mean, I’ve never seen any comments published on HYS which were homophobic, racist, or in any way critical of Labour. What a fucking twatbag.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 6:01 am Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

I’ll actually miss the recommend button, if only because then it takes me less time to get to the crème de la crème of the moronic, racist, idiotic and fucknuggetish comments that make up the shitblender that is HYS.

What I won’t miss – because they’ll still fucking do it – is a bunch of people acting like commenting on HYS is the digital equivalent of the Reagan-Gorby red phone.

“THIS IS DAVID CAMERON. I GOT EVERYONE’S MESSAGES ON HYS AND I’D LIKE TO ASSURE YOU THAT ME AND GEORGE ARE ON THE JOB DOING EXACTLY WHAT YOU SUGGESTED ANONYMOUSLY ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE IT MAKES SENSE, DOESN’T IT?”
on 16 Feb 2010 at 9:16 am That Bloke in the Corner

Maybe the new HYS will throw up a little more in the way of twatbasketry, it has certainly got Dennis Junior more loquacious,

32. At 5:18pm on 15 Feb 2010, Dennis Junior wrote:

Alex:

Thanks, for giving the audience the heads-up with regards to the forthcoming changes to Have Your Say…

And, I hope that the “bugs” will be taken care of before the old HYS system is disabled…

(Dennis Junior)

Certainly not his usual self.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:01 am jpr

Pah! More BBC changes. I’ve not really bothered with their ‘interactive’ stuff since they abolished the old Science discussion boards. They were a wonderful honey-trap for creationists and other assorted wingnuts, and baiting them was more fun even than being here.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:39 am Cab Grunter

jpr:

They were a wonderful honey-trap for creationists and other assorted wingnuts, and baiting them was more fun even than being here.

If you like creationists / assorted wingnuts so much why don’t you go live there?
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:42 am jpr

f you like creationists / assorted wingnuts so much why don’t you go live there?

I did. That’s why I moved to Australia. The place is swarming with them.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:25 pm Pierre De La Resistance

72. At 09:14am on 16 Feb 2010, barryp wrote:
I hope this means that the badly set up AUTO censorship will cease. For some reason the BBC auto excludes perfectly good words because in a different context, ‘it may be offensive’. There are many words that are offensive that should be used , in context, to illustrate a point, other words that have more than one meaning, and yet more in which the offence is in the eye of the reader.
I will give a simple example, slag, a perfectly valid word to describe clinker,etc. in engineering, but censored by the BBC, even when used in context.

Can anyone guess the sort of words barryp uses out of context? I’m guessing he lives in Scunthorpe.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:47 pm Pirate Pete

Any Rand, I sit in awe of your Blade Runner-iness – I think?

And poor old abusedtaxpayer, still smarting after that rape conviction in 1982…
on 16 Feb 2010 at 4:30 pm Theodore

Have just spent 10 mins copying all of Catherine Oliver’s comments into a text file – before they became unreachable.

Really. I have.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:27 pm Sheepless

@Cab Grunter:

You can’t do anything in this country anymore mate: it’s political correctness gone mad. You know, you can’t even write misogynistic abuse in human excrement on someone’s car without the politically correct brigade jumping down your throat.

You’re either Stewart Lee, or Stewart Lee’s nan.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 11:39 am Bugrat

I’ve had my say on things you people wouldn’t believe. 1984returnsforreal off topic on the subject of Iran. I watched Catherine Oliver witter in the dark near the Salinger debate (”I never did catcher in the rye which is a shame”). All that senseless babble will be lost in time… like shit down a drain… Time to cry. Or celebrate.

@Any Rand will do — just seen that one. Sheer genius. A spanking new cloakroom plus uniformed attendant has been opened, just for the care of your coat.
on 18 Feb 2010 at 8:25 pm FREDDD

“Romantic Gesturer’s Register”

funniest thing on this blog for yonks
on 19 Feb 2010 at 9:14 pm Bluster Kreaton

What a preposterous rant by abusedtaxpayer. If I or my wife run out of cake, I simply get her (or mother) to make more.

"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"

60 Responses to “Say It With Fluids”

About

Search

Contributors

Tags

Archives

Pages

spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Chelsea so much.. why don't you go live there?"

60 Responses to “Say It With Fluids”

About

Search

Contributors

Tags

Archives

Pages

"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"