spEak You're bRanes

Hypocrites and Outsiders and Slow Readers16 Feb 2010 11:46 am

Mum! Look Mum! I’m Being Apathetic! MUUUUMM!

By Alex

Thanks to Emily. From the Mail. Don’t click on the link.

I HAVE NOT READ THIS ARTICLE…

Because why should I or anyone else care?

- Jo, Bournemouth, England

I went one better. Didn’t read the article, didn’t comment. Kicking myself I didn’t ignore Jo from Bournemouth as well.

59 Responses to “Mum! Look Mum! I’m Being Apathetic! MUUUUMM!”

on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:52 am jpr

I didn’t read the thread about posting ‘first’ either.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:21 pm Petpete

I love this attitude. I don’t understand these people, but I love the fact that they feel their opinions NEED to be heard/read… even if they don’t have any opinions.
It’s a paradox that is making my arse leak purest butane.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:24 pm a pathetic

I didn’t read this thread so I am perfectly qualified to not comment on it.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:30 pm Laurence Craig

I love it when posters capitalise or bold their comments, TO DRAW ATTENTION TO JUST HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE UNLIKE THE USUAL COMMENTS THE POST CAN’T BE BOTHERED TO READ.

Perhaps Jo thinks people will be inspired to rise up with shared apathy, all shrugging their shoulders in heartfelt agreement.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:35 pm Schroduck

how can such an attractive woman not have an “A” list lifestyle…

- Clarioneer, UK, 7/2/2010 0:51

I know! What a mystery! Perhaps there was a mix-up at the Post Office and they sent her a “Homely woman car mechanic lifestyle” licence instead.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:36 pm Schroduck

I haven’t read the post, by the way. I just thought I should ram some totally irrelevant thought into the thread. Really get into the spirit of things.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:48 pm Silent Koala

Damn right. She went to the Mail Online looking for the REALLY IMPORTANT AND TRUE ACTUAL CHRISTFISTING *NEWS*, goddamit.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:49 pm Silent Koala

You know, about gays and forrins and cancer and such.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:52 pm Rotwatcher

The thing I take away from the article (in a double plastic bag held at arm’s length while wearing a noseclip) is the word “bezzie”. Even someone as terminally clueless as Victoria Beckham would surely avoid anyone using such a nauseating nonce-word.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 12:53 pm That Bloke in the Corner

Thanks Alex ‘don’t click the link’, with that I just had to-and now I am trying to get the images out of my head. However I did notice that the whole of Norway love this woman

I cant help but like this girl!!!

- norway, -, 07/2/2010 07:13

That is quite a fan base in anybody’s book. Shame the woman is just a vacuous, publicity seeking, living off my Aunts name, trouts minge.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:07 pm Obamooslim

Good god…

I too was drawn into the link and now I can’t get out. It hurts to much to be anything other than apathetic.

Simple answer – use napalm. On my eyes and brain.

Please.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:10 pm Obamooslim

* make that “too much”.

I love the smell of meta in the morning.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:10 pm Petpete

…purest butane.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:33 pm That Bloke in the Corner

making my arse leak purest butane.

With the refreshing odour of right wing rant, this isn’t any old arse leak, this is HYS arse leak.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:47 pm Templefoot

Dammit,”don’t click on the link” is more effective than “don’t push this button”.

I read every single word. Every single one entered my brain, settled in and pushed out other things such as my knowledge of the rules of tennis and how to operate a toaster.

As for the post – I think Jo’s heart is in the right place. I wish his/her bold words applied to me
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:49 pm Mr Cat

I read every single word. Every single one entered my brain, settled in and pushed out other things such as my knowledge of the rules of tennis and how to operate a toaster.

Me too. I’ve now forgotten how to eat, but will eternally remember something about Sandra Bullock’s picture on an agents desk. Well, until I starve to death anyway.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 1:56 pm Pirate Pete

I’ve been to Bournemouth, and therefore my advice to Jo (who is clearly in the depressive phase of her mania) is to devise a devilishly ingenious plan to top herself while taking as many of the town’s inhabitants and vital infrastructure with her as possible.

Jack Bauer can probably get hold of some surplus Russian nuclear material for you if you’re quick…
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:08 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@Pirate Pete

Jack Bauer can probably get hold of some surplus Russian nuclear material for you if you’re quick…

Nah, old Jack is having a bit of time off http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8517514.stm
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:09 pm Ugeine

Argh, that article was hideous. Paragraph after paragraph about how she’s managed to rough it with the regular folk after her swanky lifestyle (she used to fly business class you know! Actual business class) and you then find out it’s just some shite promotion for some d list tv show.

Not that the usually cynical minds of the Daily mail readership care…

Oh yeah… Hilarious.

Is this supposed to be one of those ‘feel good’ stories?

Just an ordinary JO doing an ordinary job with the exception of the A list buddies and star filled water pistol fights…

This was posted twice. The first post got 94 negative ratings, and the second 89.

What’s up with them? All you have to do is mouth the word ‘migrant’ and they act so cnyical it is as if they have already assumed every person that comes to the UK is going to claim benefits before blowing you up on the tube, but mention any half assed celebtiy and their mediocre life and you get pages of gushing praise?
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:16 pm christonabike

iHave NOT reAD thinkdia arti#cle becuase i ma browsing adn typin gwith my eyes shunt
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:21 pm Templefoot

@ Mr Cat

I’m sorry for your eating ability loss. I can offer you limp bread? Can’t get it warm I’m afraid – too busy thinking about Camilla Parker Bowles’ niece being bullied at work.

Maybe you can take it intravenously? (the bread, not the top class ‘sleb gossip)
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:27 pm Not Waving But Drinking

It burns! It burns!

I clicked on the link – and now every word of this clearly fabricated PR puff piece is worming through my brain like a logic bomb,

Must….not…buy Grazia….

Can’t take strain, words starting to go, looking forward to Live From Studio Five….

Damn you SYB, damn you all to hell
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:51 pm Bawheid

Oh god, why did I read that, WHY? I must try to be more apathetic. My brain has putrefied and leaked out of my head and is now puddling in my shoe.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 2:54 pm Petpete

Speaking of Live At Five, I personally find Ian Wright to be an engaging and entertaining TV personality.
Well maybe that is a massive overstatement, but when the alternative is Alan Titchmarsh I think we can all get into bed with the Channel 5 format.
Alan Titchmarsh leaves me limp and stinking.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 3:07 pm Not Waving But Drinking

try…wibble.. off button

too late for me….save yourselves…
on 16 Feb 2010 at 3:33 pm That Bloke in the Corner

Alan Titchmarsh leaves me limp and stinking.

Coffee/screen interface, that is better than Elton going in dry.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 4:05 pm Petpete

fucking kumquats
on 16 Feb 2010 at 4:09 pm MUGGED WHILE MP FUCKS MY WIFE

Call that ignorance? First to a thousand red down arrows wins fuck all
on 16 Feb 2010 at 4:46 pm Cab Grunter

@That Bloke

Re Kiefer Sutherland:

Twentieth Century Fox Television would not give details about the type of surgery involved, referring to it only as a “medical procedure”.
BBC NEWS

Anal probe!
on 16 Feb 2010 at 5:58 pm helen_s

This comment doesn’t even exist.
HAAAA! BEAT YOU!!
on 16 Feb 2010 at 6:10 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

how can such an attractive woman not have an “A” list lifestyle…

I look in the mirror and ask myself that very question every single day.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 6:29 pm Pirate Pete

I’ve now read the ‘article’ – can a woman actually be a mysoginist? Because she makes a very good go of it – hardly suffragete material is she?
on 16 Feb 2010 at 6:29 pm tut teh

What a refreshing article. The totally opposite to anything Liz Jones could ever write. Not because Emma is working at a down to earth job with down to earth people, but that SHE is so down to earth, not a hint of living the unreal on Planet Zog or ego. Nice one Emma, hope you realise your dream.

- john f., ipswich, england., 07/2/2010 08:59

This Liz Jones sounds quite good…
on 16 Feb 2010 at 7:30 pm funny peculiar

Sorry if this has been pointed out already, but I haven’t read this thread, why should I?

But… Have Your Say is getting a revamp and the recommendation system is being axed :-0 What will the Hard-Nut Turd-Spurts wank over if they can’t ‘win’ HYS with their sock-puppets??? And if the H.N.T.Spurts stop enjoying their HYS win-wanking…. what about SYB!!!

Is the world about to end??? Here is the announcement from the HYS Editor.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 8:56 pm Any Rand will do

There’s a bit of silly thread going on in Cif, following a Tanya Gold (yes, I know) article about witches. It’s brought out the oh-so-clever cynics like Keysie:

Just seen this in Guardian Jobs:

Director of Witchcraft – Camden Council, £150k p.a. + generous benefits and broomstick provided – linked to 10 year government multicultural strategy to promote absolutely bloody everything at the expense of anything traditional. The ideal candidate will have a 2:2 degree from a polytechnic university and spent most of their lives reading this newspaper and actively engaging in student activism and fringe left wing politics. This is an exciting new role which has come about thanks to yet another rebranding, a restructure and the savings from the cuts in frontline services.

There’s me thinking there was a recession on.

D’you see how clever Keysie was in hitting all the NuLiarBore hot buttons. Pity he went for Camden which stopped being right on in 2006. Should’ve gone to Haringey, surely?

But 2345678 has a better point:

People are absolutely entitled under law to call themselves anything they like in terms of religious belief?.. so you can’t label one group pranksters and by implication other people serious/real etc.

In other words how the government is fixing the figures and using them for political purposes.

So just because The Times is being stuffy about the Census, it must be Gordon Brown’s fault.

I blame the post-publication moderator of the Church of Scotland.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 9:27 pm funny peculiar

Re the proposed changes to HYS. There is a thread under the proposals for the HYSers to express their reactions.

Of course, HYS-users are far too sharp for the BBC. It’s clearly impossible that the Beeb are merely improving the system or limiting abuse. No, any attempt to alter Have Your Say MUST be a conspiracy emanating from the highest level of government.

DryRot wrote:
Sounds to me as though the meddling Mandelson propaganda machine is going full throttle. As other contributors have indicated, removal of Recommendations takes away an indicator of public opinion. The BBC is supposed to be completely neutral; it has shown incredible bias on amongst other things the MMGW debate in its reports and programmes. Indeed it refused to recognise that there was a debate. It has finally had to bow to public pressure from letters of complaint and indicators of public opinion such as HYS and moderated its stance, although the bulk of its output remains heavily biased in one direction and supports the govt stance. We now see the removal of one of the more accessible indicators namely Recommendations in HYS.

We know the BBC has been running scared of Nu Labour since the Hutton whitewash; this is just one other example of dictat from on high. The BBC’s reputation is sinking to a new low.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 9:33 pm Situation Vacant

I want to click on the link…
on 16 Feb 2010 at 9:46 pm Obamooslim

@ Situation Vacant

For the love of SYB, keep your link-ginity enflowered!!
on 16 Feb 2010 at 9:52 pm Mal

@Pirate Pete who asks, “Can a woman actually be a misogynist?”

It’s part of the job description for female columnists on the Mail.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:24 pm Cab Grunter

I’m going to start my own religion called the Free Press Be Cunterans and my hys children will worship at my altar of pudgy-armed pump-festing. Oh yes.
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:52 pm Bad Mammy

“Without a rec system comment-boards are wide open to astroturfing by people with a specific agenda, posting multiple comments in favour of a specific side of the debate in order to give the impression of mass support where none exists…”

Yes, that would be a terrible thing to happen to HYS, wouldn’t it?
on 16 Feb 2010 at 11:53 pm Bad Mammy

(I knew I would fail at blockquotes, so didn’t even try. One day…)
on 17 Feb 2010 at 1:39 am Magician Assisted Suicide

God those fuckers are fuckers. Really? By pressing plus on a comment saying “ITS PC GONE MAD… OWAIT… IT ALREADY HAS” you are bringing down corruption and conspiracy wherever it lies? And now the BBC is getting rid of recommendations to thwart you, just when you were so close to victory?
Fucksake, if you want to change the world, get a proper fucking job rather than wanking on the Internet.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 2:13 am one of the eds

From the Times HYS on the Census:

James Arnold wrote:
“Pete M wrote:
How do you define “a religion” though? At least the Jedi/Heavy Metal worshippers have evidence that their gods exist.”

Apologies Pete, but where is the evidence that Jedi’s actually exist? You do know that Star Wars was a film don’t you? (…)

pete M wrote:
@James Arnold – True enough, but where can I go and see a film of God? And you do know that the bible is only a book don’t you?

Now there’s a novel outlook on life – leaving aside the fact that God appears in lots of films (like Monty Python’s Holy Grail for example) – see something in a book and it’s just another story, but see something in a film? Definitely real.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 2:39 am TomTom

At 1:06pm on 15 Feb 2010, Eponymous Cowherd wrote:
***”Some elements of the current service – including recommendation – will not be carried over to the new system”***

I see.

One of the most useful and informative parts of HYS is the ability to use it as a gauge of public opinion courtesy to the “recommendation” feature.

The problem for the BBC is that most of the recommendations are contrary to the BBC’s left-wing liberal bias, aren’t they?

The solution? Simple! Abolish the recommendation system on the back on an “improvement”.

This wouldn’t have anything to do with the forthcoming General Election and the BBC’s desire to protect its New Labour masters from bad press, would it?

Of course not!

“One of the most useful and informative parts of HYS,” is probably the best bit of damming with faint praise I’ve ever seen.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 3:23 am Bugrat

Why do so many of these HYS blarts use the term ‘liberal’ as a term of abuse?

When did it acquire that meaning over here? Do they think Gladstone supported council-funded differently-gendered support workshops or that Lloyd George was an elf ‘n’ safety nut?

Or do they just spend the time they don’t spend on HYS wanking over American loony-right blogs, and pick up the lingo along with the attitudes (and then whinge at length on HYS about Engerland losing its cultural identity)?

Fuckers (especially royalalbertdock, should that bell-end google his name and end up here).
on 17 Feb 2010 at 3:31 am Bugrat

One of the most useful and informative parts of HYS is the ability to use it as a gauge of public opinion courtesy to the “recommendation” feature.

They really think that? That it’s a gauge of public opinion? What a sorry bunch of cunts.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 3:51 am one of the eds

@ Bugrat

I reckon right-wingers probably always used ‘liberal’ as an insult. What mystifies me is what it is about the right-wing psyche that makes them such enthusiastic HYS commenters. Personally I’ve met roughly as many swivel-eyed-loons from the left wing as I have from the right (not that I’ve ever kept a tally; it’s just a gut-feeling), but they don’t seem to be so – ahem – ‘well’ represented on HYS.

Even stranger is the Gaurdian’s CiF – why are all these right-wingers reading the Gaurdian? I can conly conclude they like being angry and are actively searching out excuses.

They’re gonna be real upset when the Tories take over.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 6:23 am Massive Propagating Bee Extinction

Just seen this in Guardian Jobs:

Director of Witchcraft – Camden Council, £150k p.a. + generous benefits and broomstick provided – linked to 10 year government multicultural strategy to promote absolutely bloody everything at the expense of anything traditional. The ideal candidate will have a 2:2 degree from a polytechnic university and spent most of their lives reading this newspaper and actively engaging in student activism and fringe left wing politics. This is an exciting new role which has come about thanks to yet another rebranding, a restructure and the savings from the cuts in frontline services.

There’s me thinking there was a recession on.

There is a recession on. Which is why he’s cunting about on the internet in the middle of the day making witty comments like this instead of his regular mindless dipshit job stretching fan belts on a production line.

Oh, and the ed above me: they’re on the Guardian because they get their free speech all over the place and they like to complain. That’s why.

It’s like people pissing in the pool. They just fucking ruin it for everyone else.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 7:41 am Pierre De La Resistance

71. At 09:10am on 16 Feb 2010, Max_Mahajan wrote:
Re: 67 goldCaesar

No offence taken! I definitley don’t have 50, or 100, or 200 or 300 or 400 different user names. (Anyway my long alpha-numeric password prohibits me from typing it 100′s of times and I don’t use ‘Remember Me’ on any computer.) I have precisely ten but I use them effectively and they’re not ‘dummy’ user names as I post under them. You can see my ‘User profile’ and you will see my posts with anything from zero to 300+ recommendations.

My tricks are to, if possible, get into the debate at the earliest and structure my comment based on what I feel is the ‘pulse’ of public opinion while projecting my viewpoint at the same time. I give my comment a boost of 3 to 5 votes in the beginning (and that too only if required) and then it just gets ‘swept up’ if my reading of the ‘pulse’ has been correct! Otherwise it languishes on whatever page….

The twonk goes on but I like the fact that he evidently has no comprehension of how it might be dubious to do it. At least he is honest about his lies.

And, personally, I’m pretty sure that any name he uses is going to be a dummy’s name.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 11:06 am Bugrat

..based on what I feel is the ‘pulse’ of public opinion..

Oh my giddy fucking aunt. And I guess he regards boosting comments with sock-puppet accounts as merely a kind of refinement or distillation of ‘public opinion’.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 11:22 am TomTom

My tricks are to, if possible, get into the debate at the earliest and structure my comment based on what I feel is the ‘pulse’ of public opinion while projecting my viewpoint at the same time. I give my comment a boost of 3 to 5 votes in the beginning (and that too only if required) and then it just gets ’swept up’ if my reading of the ‘pulse’ has been correct!

For fucking fuck’s fucking sake.
It’s bad enough that these people want so badly to share their shit opinions with the world. But when it’s not even their real opinion, merely their impression of what other people will think, and they only bother in order to get as many recommendations as possible… I actually feel a bit sorry for this guy.
on 17 Feb 2010 at 11:55 am Timberley

I read the article and was particularly impressed by the way this young lady has tried to fit in…

“Now my lunch consists of sitting on a pile of tyres and devouring a limp burrito.” (above a picture captioned “Earning respect: Emma with her Mexican workmates Francisco, left, and Jamie”)

“I spend a lot of time fetching tools like an eager dog – and there has been a lot of standing over the tool storage unit in a sweat, trying to find the right-sized socket.
”

Phnarrr phnarrr!
…and she says she hasn’t made it in Hollywood!
on 17 Feb 2010 at 1:33 pm Lurker in a Burka

All the HYSers frothing at their fetid anuses and getting in an awful tizz about the Beeb removing their precious recommend button are just bemoaning the fact that they now won’t get their daily dose of misguided self-importance. They covet their posts being recommended by other illiterate right wing fucksticks because it reinforces their bizarre belief that the geyser of molten effluence they spout out of their repugnant mouths via their no-doubt rancid, shit-stained fingers is actually being taken on board by someone, somewhere, who can’t just tell them to fuck off, which is what would happen if they tried saying most of this cack at a bus stop full of strangers. Without being able to tell how many people have read, and agreed, with their bilious bullshittery their on-line (and probably off-line) life has no meaning any more.

So, errr, any chance of a recommend button being introduced on here?
on 17 Feb 2010 at 7:05 pm whatever

“Emma Parker Bowles … bent over the bonnet of a car … sweating and swearing”

Rather her than her bloody sister?
on 17 Feb 2010 at 9:06 pm A Pedant

Rather her than her bloody sister?

Are you perhaps thinking of her Aunt, the Duchess of Cornwall?

Make mine a limp burrito.
on 19 Feb 2010 at 3:08 pm Have Your Lurk

Can your penis become, ummm, a giant squid, for example? With twelve or twenty appendages, and covered in toothed suckers, etc.? What are you putting in the bathwater, exactly…?
on 19 Feb 2010 at 3:10 pm Have Your Lurk

No! NOOOOOO!!!! That comment was supposed to come up on a DIFFERENT DEBATE! (I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to figure out which one.)
on 19 Feb 2010 at 8:56 pm Bluster Kreaton

@Silent Koala who on the 16th February 2010 at 12:49 pm said:

“You know, about gays and forrins and cancer and such.”

Upon reading your post I immediately recognised the word forrins as a word that I had heard somewhere before. Not content with just knowing that I knew it, I – using a famous search engine – looked it up.

The resultant list, while not very illuminating, did point to an error on you part however (which is what I’d thought all along). It is spelt Forin and is a “dynamic future orientated provider of industrial components and services”.

I hope you will be more aware of you errors in the future.

Sincerely,

Bluster Kreaton BA

"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"

59 Responses to “Mum! Look Mum! I’m Being Apathetic! MUUUUMM!”

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"If you love Chelsea so much.. why don't you go live there?"

59 Responses to “Mum! Look Mum! I’m Being Apathetic! MUUUUMM!”

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"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"