Delusions of Grandeur and Retired Colonels17 Feb 2010 09:29 am
By Nelson
Thanks to Robert for finding [MrWonderfulReality] telling us how he’d like to keep children safe on the internet.
I’d just use plain & simple common sense, but unfortunately, although it is commonly available to all, many would not recognise it unless it was packaged up & sold in £1 shops or Primark or came with tomatoe ketchup on top.
[MrWonderfulReality]
Robert says: “I believe MrWonderfulReality has confused ‘common sense’ with a pair of socks and a burger”.
48 Responses to “Plain And Simple”
It’s easy to do. I once confused a stupid wanky opinion on the internet with incisive and cutting social commentary.
Make the most of that comment. [MrWonderfulReality] has also got a resolution for Lent. On the HYS thread he says:
“I am going to be giving up BBC HYS.
If I want to write messages without feedback I can do that on most public walls.”
With this spate of people not reading articles or commenting on issues, there’ll be a whole lot of friends and family getting the benefit of such well considered and articulate comments as the above missive on child internet use. But what about us? Where will we go to hear from Mr Reality?
Second!
Shit. That was third. This is fourth.
Just read through some of his posts. The man is a total cunt and very little more needs to be said.
Laurence: From the sounds of it, we’ll have to go back to reading the toilet walls to get this quality of dribble. I imagine he buys the requisite wax crayons from pound shops.
I must say I agree with him- I’ve been using common sense as both a spam filter and kitchen disinfectant and look forward to the day we’ll all be driving common-sense powered flying cars.
We’re talking nonce sense.
The clever thing about his post is that it holds a poignant message that hammers home his devastatingly savvy opinion threefold.
1. A social commentary on poor education standards.
2. A swipe against consumerism.
3. A piquant observation of the Orwellian nightmare Britain is fast becoming.
Sadly, the fact that he smells like like a saggy, old cunt negates any real insight derived from his words.
I think I’ve found what he was talking about: Glenn Beck’s Common Sense: The Case Against an Out-Of-Control Government, Inspired by Thomas Paine. A bit pricey at three pounds though. It doesn’t come with tomato ketchup either, but the cover does look as if someone’s come on it.
Almost as if Beck had, whilst manically both laughing and crying, ejaculated onto the lifeless skullface of poor old Tom Paine’s long-rotted corpse.
His name’s ironic, you see, in that MrWonderfulReality makes me hope this is the Matrix just so I can wake up in a world where he doesn’t exist. The desolation, pollution and robot overlords would be a small price to pay.
I particularly “like” how he returns to the same debates over and over again to make the same point but with a new witty metaphor. Apparently putting health warnings on alcohol would be like putting warning stickers on cars, meteorites, electricity meters, Chinese toys, and people, and we should just bring back rationing, except that we shouldn’t infringe on people’s rights, except that we should when they disagree with MrWonderfulReality or are poor.
I used to get my common sense from Primark until I found out it was being made by 8 year olds in Thailand
Now I get it from Waitrose – and it reliably informs me that MrWonderfulReality is a complete jizz sandwich
(with ‘tomatoe ketchup on top’)
“I am going to be giving up BBC HYS.
If I want to write messages without feedback I can do that on most public walls.”
It says a lot that this wasn’t his last comment of the day.
Another day, another unwarranted swipe at us tomato ketchup fans.
And a swipe at perfectly serviceable public toilet walls – no wonder they don’t make for a fascinating read these days – all the jizz is flying on HYS instead :\
DEBATE:How do you celebrate St Valentine’s Day?SENT:14-Feb-2010 13:31COMMENT:I actually waited for more than a googolplex of years since before the big bang as well as millions of years of our species evolution to meet the right person in this moment of time. Every breath I have taken every right & left step, every experience, every choice & decision I have ever made led me to this brief moment in time to meet and share my life with my partner.
Hence, I do not need an official day to remind me to show & tell my partner what she means to me EVERY day of the year.
Lucky gal!
@Ugeine, he really, really loves his right palm doesn’t he?
But is it worth spending the money to buy Kellogg’s Common Sense or will Asda’s own brand Common Sense be ok???
Sure Asda’s Common Sense is 32p per kilo, but isn’t it really just the anal sphincters of donkeys disguised to look like Common Sense? What do I do?!? ANSWER ME MR WONDERFUL!!!!
MrWonderfulReality should recycle this comment on the Valentine’s thread.
I bet his partner wasn’t as swayed by that excuse as he thought. She’ll just think he’s a tosser and dump him for someone with the common sense to go out and get her a bunch of roses.
I’m thinking Common Sense must be some kind of low-calorie cereal.
@ Alex
On the contrary, Common Sense breakfast cereal is full fat and laden with sugar, as only those foolish enough to believe the hype of Zanu NuLiebore’s Health and Safety-obsessed nanny state bother with low calorie cereals. In fact, it isn’t a bloody cereal at all, it’s a full on fry up. With bacon and sausages and eggs and black pudding. In lard.
And don’t get me started on ‘organic’………….
Anyone been checking out the Falklands thread? It’s really funny
“It says a lot that this wasn’t his last comment of the day.”
Thank the lord for that. He must have been part way through scribbling Laboursuckz on a cubicle wall, before realising that people need to know that:
“Most people could change a wheel on a car,
but if they were to follow a local government PC health & safety wheel changing instruction policy it would probably baffle many of them.”
Damn you Mr Cat – look what you made me see
Do you think he means Gordon or Forruns.
Or both?
“Added: Wednesday, 17 February, 2010, 14:49 GMT 14:49 UK
We drill for oil, and if the Argentinean interfere again, we go to war… Simples.
J C, London, United Kingdom”
Yes, base a military strategy on a CGI animal. That sells car insurance. Cool.
Oh good grief, the Falklands thread.
If we’re not careful, though, their fly-half could drop kick a bomb right across the Falkland Sound and then where would we be, eh?
Indeed. In fact, ignore the health and safety instructions that come with the jack as well, and end up with a crushed foot when the car collapses after you’ve jacked it up under the bumper.
He’s a demon poster on this subject though. There’s another with something about astronauts putting H&S warnings on meteors. Odds on his parents taught him about the danger of fire by giving him a lit blowlamp to play with when he was four, and threw him in the canal to teach him to swim (and put him out after the blowlamp session). Toughened him up, don’t you know.
What is it with these people and the “&” character? I don’t event know how to do one, I had to go into the source of the page to work out what teh mark up was (which probably wont work). Why not just write “and”? or even “&”? Is it something specific to HYS? They all do it and it’s doing my head in!
Am I missing something? Due to the suspicion that I probably am I have adopted the old “nutcase brackets” style of user ID for this post.
..oh hang on, I just did an ampersand and it came out the same. It’s just the coding on this page or something.
Please ignore me why I go away and cry and make up another name.
From the Falklands thread:
A nice little swerve off-topic there. 8.5 from the judges.
See, now he’s confusing people who care with strangers in the mens’ toilets on Clapham Common.
I started reading the Times Online one, and then stopped when the Pakistani asked for reparations for colonialism and was pwned with someone asking for reparations for visa scammers and benefit thieves.
Just imagine if Gordon Brown did go to war against Argentina. Cue small mental explosion in HYSers’ brains as they try to square their lust for fighting the Argies with their hatred of NuLieBore.
Almost a good enough reason to do it.
My money’s on them being brother & sister.
[MrWonderfulReality]
Mistermisnamed maybe? Unless he’s trying to be slay people with his Wildean wit and awesome grasp of the ironic. In which case he’s a just a cock.
As you were.
A master stroke from the Jury reform thread:
Because that would be SUCH A BLOODY LOGICAL THING TO DO.
Why do I read this cack? It just makes me want to do a Ray Gosling on somebody, possibly me.
I think it’s the blasé racism that appeals to me most.
Ha ha! He said “interpreter” when he mean’t “lawyer”! What a racist cunt.
@ [NutterBrackets]
Am I missing something? I don’t think he’s actually being racist. I think he’s just saying that all lawyers do is translate Latin for you. The *ignorant* cunt.
Awesome name by the way.
What the fuck is a tomatoe?!
Hang on, I’ll just look it up…
Hmm, apparently (according to Urban Dictionary) it’s:
New Word Order for the New American Century!
This satire bites too hard for me.
At the risk of this going over the head of “plain and simple”, I’d suggest that he is both a Barclays Banker and a Berkshire Hunt.
@ Bastard Noise
I think “Brown Out” is half way between a desire and the physical act of self-defecation.
Obviously ‘browning out’ would be like greening out, but from too much smack instead of that extra potent super-skunk the government’s always going on about.
I’ve been following the one on the Times site. You get a better class of jingoistic loon there.
If wars could be one by having raging hard-ons, the Argentinians would be backing down right now.
(I wonder if Argentina has an equivalent of HYS, full of Latin-Americans wankers spouting off about ‘our boys’ and ‘our islands’ and getting all of their history wrong?)
A comment from the thread regarding the changes to HYS…
A Realist – n. A person who regards things in their true nature and deals with them as they are; following a policy of realism; based on facts rather than ideals. (OED)
Actually, what really happened was that the BBC, appreciating that Have Your Say contributors were writing for posterity, sent the entirety of its HYS comment records to NASA to be digitised and sent off to the stars on the next extra-solar mission, for the edification and enlightenment of any intelligent aliens who just might intercept the spacecraft.
Trusting NASA’s IT mavens to do the digitising and then send a copy back, BBC’s IT staff wiped the original records from their computer storage to make room for essential backup copies of Strictly Come Dancing, Eastenders and other historically important material.
Unfortunately, after due consideration, NASA in their wisdom decided that what they’d received was a load of ignorant, tendentious, self-important arse-dribble and sent the DVD set on to Sean Hannity. Where they went after that is currently under investigation by the FBI.
Watch out, Cuger’s about:
Made me smile for a good few minutes that did.
And here he is again (sorry for off-topic) talking about GM crops in India.
I’m sure he heard a sensible item on the radio at some point about sustainable global population, which almost looks like it might break through and Bruce will make a coherent point. Nearly. Then he manages to turn in into a rant about immigrants and finally lurches into self parody. Methinks!! (I mean really, who does that, ever?)