Dear Christians, Good Luck With This God Shit
By NelsonDo you fancy 30% more beard? How about 50% more unconditional love for people you deem to have met the necessary conditions? Are you up for loving your neighbour but think that anyone who lives further away than that can get fucked? You know, like that foreign guy two doors down who listens to weird music. You’d happily stand over him, smashing your hammer into his face again and again and again and again until he stops screaming and then you’d watch the pool of steaming blood expand around his head while the light of life fades from his horrid, savage, different face, wouldn’t you? Also, would you like to see a bit more God on the telly?
Let’s open with a bit of charming American naivety.
any one who does not believe in God should leave britain & go live under communist China.
tyson, USA
Bless.
Anyone who still thinks that Britain is a Christian nation only has to read the comments on this HYS to realise that Christianity has been marginalised to the extent that Christians must suffer hate-filled abuse on a daily basis. What’s worse is that this attitude is encouraged by the government and our national institutions. We have become a nation of small-minded, intolerant bigots, and it’s very, very sad.
Douglas Lee, London
I reckon you’re aiming too high. Let’s face it, religion is bollocks and even the Archbishop of Canterbury has the decency to look a bit embarrassed about it. If you keep aiming for “respect” you’re bound to fall short and hit “abuse”. Why not go for “pity” instead? Check out this next guy.
It’s not the amount of programming that’s an issue, it’s the quality of it. Maybe if there were some better informative programmes about religion on the television, then contributors to HYS would understand religion a bit better and would stop spouting the poorly-informed anti-religious drivel that this kind of question invariably invokes (and the BBC secretly enjoys).
[TheisticEvolutionist]
That’s how it’s done.
I can’t help but imagine this poor fucker forlornly wandering the streets, trying to spread the Word and asking people: “Have you heard Jesus’s message to all of God’s people? Oh.. you have? Um.. are you sure? Right. Um. Cos I’ve got some bang up to date stuff about bankers n that? What about the time when Jesus swept the moneylenders out of… oh… heard that one too? Hang on! Don’t worry, I’ve got, like, a whole BOOK of these! Wait a sec. There’s bound to be one you’ve not heard before… what about that bit with the meek and the inheriting n that? … Oh…. really? ALL of it? Seriously??? Wow. Um. And you don’t believe in… ? Riiiight. None of it eh? Um. You’re SURE you read the right book??? Yeah, that’s the fella. Wow. Um… OK… sorry, I’ll let you get on with your shopping then”.
68 Responses to “Dear Christians, Good Luck With This God Shit”
It’s OK – Jesus told me to hate you.
tyson, USA: If you love it us so much, why don’t you come and live here?
Or “If you don’t love us as much then we’ll invade your red commie godless yellow slanty eyed heathen asses. And then some. Because were rightous. Oh and we also have automatic weapons & “The gospel of The Truth”.
Feck arse “it/us”
I thank God that most people in New Zealand aren’t religious.
“any one who does not believe in God should leave britain & go live under communist China.”
tyson, USA
And anyone who believes in a monotheistic power structure, where one man knows all the answers, and is never ever wrong should go and live in North Korea.
I like this game – it’s like the Spanish Inquisition meets Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush
Tell me HYSer’s – where would you like to be persecuted to?
I like this game – it’s like
(Don’t know how last line repeat happened – am up early because of my meds
ps. Tyson anyone who doesn’t believe in the NHS can fuck off and live in USA)
In the words of The Vandals “God hates you too. He thinks you’re an obsessed fan”
Do they have more tunnels or something?
Why yes, that is my coat! I had a brolly, too.
Urgh, that HYS is depressing. In terms of highest idiot percentage, the atheist camp wins hands down. I wish there was a way to physically hurt people through the internet.
@ jones. Nah that was Vietnam, tyson is confused having watched to many re runs of Tour of Duty on late night cable. Still easy mistake to make as these slanty eyed yellow commies all look the same to him
My favourite bible story is that one when Jesus was sexually aggressive with a boy who had bosoms.
God’s countenance shined upon him and a man who looked like Richard Whitely rotated slowly in the corner.
Nelson:
You say that, but if you actually read all of his expression rather than just the BBC’s reporting of it you’ll find he’s actually very proud of it.
brimswayne:
Is there nothing atheism isn’t bestest at?
Indeed, they do. Well, in Tibet. Lobsnag Rampa said so, so it must be true. Even if he was a plumber from Devon who’d never been to Tibet.
http://members.iimetro.com.au/~hubbca/hollow_earth.htm
“Anyone who still thinks that Britain is a Christian nation only has to read the comments on this HYS..” Douglas Lee
I can’t do blockqoute thing but it’s okay, I’m not bothered. It just terrifies/amuses me that this bloke
genuinely believes HYS is representative of Britain.
He’s not joking. Look at him. Douglas Lee believes. Douglas Lee knows.
He sounds like a film director but in fact he’s just a desperately confused twatstick.
HYS is as representative of Britain as…{insert amusing comparison here}.
Erm, anyone want to lend me a hand? I’m running low on scornflakes this morning for some reason.
This is a naughty mid-topic change of subject, but I want to squeeze in a brief flash of madness from the Times comments section before I’m pipped to the post. Apologies.
From today’s Mossad assassination waffle by Melanie Reid. Witness ‘Noel Reltuc’ taking a long leap off the short pier of logic, coherence and proportionality:
“Noel Reltuc wrote:
If the UK knew of a muslim immigrant here on a forged passport trying to mastermind another 7/7, they would still have to do the pc thing and give him housing benefit until proven guilty, and give his 6 wives and 25 children accomodation, multiple car allowance, and food allowance…maybe throw in a holiday somewhere, incase we ” infringe on his human rights “. The police would have to wait until he is 30 seconds away from blowing himself to his 72 virgins, taking a load of innocent British civilians with him, incase he is traumatised in the process of arrest. And then we would have the govt obsessed with making sure the 2.5million muslims in our country didnt feel like the govt was islamaphobic and we would build another mega mosque somewhere.
Israel, doesnt have the luxury of waiting for him to launch another attack, and fortunately doesnt have an army of liberal pc armchair lefties with their heads in the clouds, commanding so much of their public, press and student unions.”
When I created the Earth and placed makind on it, I’d rather hoped that you would go out and enjoy yourselves. I thought it would be nice to watch – people dancing, singing, shagging and so forth.
I didn’t expect numb-brained cunts like TheisticEvolutionist trying to justify his misplaced beliefs by kidding himself that he understands all about God (me) and everybody else knows nothing.
I’m going to make the fuckwit’s balls drop off.
As I’ve mentioned before, at work we get text messages sent to some radio stations if they contain certain ‘trigger’ words. I’ve resisted the huge temptation to post them before but this one came in this morning….
While it starts as your usual badly spelt and punctuated phone-in rant, it is skewed completely by the last sentence.
Last time I checked, there is absolutely no obligation to “celabrate” any other race. Saying that, I can’t think of a “white” celebration, unless he’s referring to Christian celebrations, like Christmas or Easter. It really would be nice if we got some holidays for those, just like we do for Ramadan and Hanukkah.
Yay, someone else who thinks HYS is the nexus of BBC broadcasting.
Now I love Karen Armstrong as much as the next liberal Christian, but does Robert Menange actually think the BBC religious programming commissioner is resorting to reading through HYS for programming ideas?
I can think of a White Celebration:
http://www.giftstoindia24x7.com/ASP_Img/small_img/GTI3066.jpg
You reckon “Dave the cabie” wrote that text while he was actually driving through Picadilly?
I dunno, 2000 years of burning heretics, sodomites and women for looking a bit weird, and a Christian is now complaining that they’re getting abuse?
I’d call it karma, but that’d only rub it in.
I think Dave the Cabbie means this kind of white association/celebration
http://www.sevenseasresort2.com/Images/prev42.jpg
Anybody who does not understand the more basic parts of the bible should leave HYS and go put their balls in a cheese grater.
The simple asnswers are always the best:
Ugeine, can we have less of the King James version in this thread please – it’s not plain english and it makes my tiny 21st century brane hurt :\
Just to help Templefoot out a bit
HYS is as representative of Britain as…{insert amusing comparison here}.
…intolerant face-smashers represent all Christians.
…the BNP represent all White English views.
…illegal immigrants represent every person from outside of England.
…lazy, hood wearing, black, gang members represent all young black men and women.
Just saying…
Look out for that bus!
@ Just Saying
Thanks for that. Most of those comparisons were just about within my intellectual grasp.The extraordinarily obvious I already had covered; it was the “amusing” bit I was struggling with (alas, a common affliction).
But thanks all the same
completely and utterly off-topic but as this is somewhere down in the late twenties post i feel justified (and no, that’s not an apology…) anyway, check this:
http://www.wehatefoxtons.com/
completely and utterly bewildering / amazing / rant-tastic. surely enough to fill up the rest of a slow thurs afternoon…
p.s. that tyson, (USA) smells like the moip of the now deceased badger that bounded under my car on monday morning.
Can anyone explain why God wants me to wait until 11am to buy a hammer on a Sunday? I can’t find anything about it in the bible.
@ Naich
Probably just wants a lie in. It saves Him having to tell you to “stop that bloody banging! Don’t you know it’s a bloody Sunday?”
@Offal:
If you’re a “liberal pc armchair left[y]” with your “head in the clouds”, wouldn’t you have a rather long neck?
Also, you’d have to shout quite loudly while you’re “commanding so much of their public, press and student unions”. Either that or you could use a radio of some type. Yep, that’s it – a radio. It all makes sense now. Ace.
Naich:
Think that’s bad? If you live in Vauxhall, God only lets them open the Sainsury’s at midday.
I can’t imagine being bored enough to read the BBC’s reporting of it, let alone wade through the whole thing.
Pierre: Christian festivals aren’t white either, since Christ was a Palestinian.
That said, he didn’t have long hair either [I Corinthians 11:14.], so I really don’t know who is putting in all the appearances on toast and lunch boxes.
I don’t know about any white celebrations. Black Celebration, on the other hand, is available on vinyl, cassette, and the new Compact Disc format!
..stop that bloody smiting surely?
Former neighbours of mine, having sent the kids to Sunday school or whatever, took every opportunity those mornings to do as much banging as possible…
Thirty-ninth!
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?sortBy=2&forumID=7518&edition=1&ttl=20100218145951&#paginator
Do you want to mouth off about how annoying you find it that gay people are every.. Sorry, should the press have the right to offend?
Those conniving gays! As you can see, Righty here is annoyed at gay people having the tenacity to get media jobs, but can’t think of much to say about the right to offend.
Winny here decides to expand on righty’s musings, theorising that before the BBC hired these gays, they should have done a quick head count of the amount of gays in the country, divided this by the amount of people working for the BBC and then hired a more proportionate amount. It’s not like merit means anything, is it? Still, she can’t think of much to say about the right to offend either.
A keen student of Winny and Righty, Tony here speculates that the disproportionate gays at the BBC might hijack the TAX PAYERS MONEY and use it to advance their own agenda. This might sound like the rantings of a drunken Mel Gibson, but he’s actually been thinking very hard about gays for most of the morning and decided it was either this or some kind of gay pirate ship attack. Of course this wouldn’t have happened if the BBC would have let Winny be Director General.
We should have harnessed the gay power for good, says NATMR.
Think, if only all these silly gays would stop getting frivolously offended and attacking the free speech of the Mail just because some two bit hack wrote a bunch of disgusting insults about a celerity, then they could protest something worth it.
For instance, the time two two bit comedians left some disgusting insults on the answer-phone of a celebrity, causing the Daily Mail readership to spend the following two months attacking the freedom of speech of the bbc.
It does make me giggle when these twats rant on about Gays promoting their lifestyle and beliefs,what lifestyle is this? My cousin is as camp as butlins, goes to football often (in fact I feel like a great big fairy comapred cos I hate all sports), drinks real ale,loves action movies of a violent nature, rides a huge 1000cc Honda and drives a crane for a living. I think it can be quite fairly considered, that he has a fairly rugged lifestyle there and just happens to bat for the away XI.If this is the sort of lifestyle they are worried about, are they just jealous cos their own lifestyle of sitting in front of a keyboard hammering out racist and homophobic lunacy is just a bit cissy in comparison? nobjockeys the lot of them.
just realised that that last one was a bit of a rant. apologies all.
I’ll get back to me corner.
The funny thing is, up here in Scotland God doesn’t give a shit what time we buy our hammers. Clearly Gordon Brown has some sort of influence after all.
“Its going on alover london” – I a-love a London too. I see the nutter brackets theory is fully supported by their use with [theistic evolutionist].
Can someone please re-post the obligatory “I’m not homophobic, as a lot of my friends are gay” disclaimer. i can’t be bothered to wade through mountains of Widdecombe-falvoured lard trying to find it for my own amusement.
Petpete, that’s as bad as “I’m not a racist as I have a paki friend”. Do you think these twatbaskets ever listen to what they say and realise their mistakes?
and Widdecombe flavoured lard-thank you, I’ve only just got the smears off the screen from Elton going in dry.
Fucking hell the “Should newspapers have the right to offend?” thread sees an outpouring of largely liberal, progressive, anti-Daily Mail posts – I’m confused, this is HYS, right?
I’m starting to wonder why the BBC are wasting your hard earned taxpayer’s money on keeping someone employed just to bait racists. It’s nothing but positive reinforcement, and the only kind of reinforcement for HYS like behaviour should be very, very negative indeed.
Is God in charge of Pancake Tuesday? If so I salute him/her.
I’m just readying the sails on the Cormorant’s Clunge so that we can set off towards Nottingham post haste to prove that Tony was completely right about the gay pirate ship attack
And no, I haven’t read the “let’s all hate the gays” thread because I want to remain calm and peaceful today…
I can think of a god that would probably approve of the purchase of hammers at any time of the day. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider your faith? For better access to hammers and that.
http://www.thorcentral.com/mp_redesign/images/photos_page/promo/gunpose.jpg, you say?
Well, I bollocksed that up, didn’t I?
Thor, you say?
Also, there’s this not very homoerotic at all promo shot.
Since we’re doing religous nutters today, thought I’d go slightly off topic with this comment from the Time Online’s story about JK Rowling being accused of plagarising again:
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/article7031718.ece
@one of the eds
and when you consider that the book was titled The Adventures of Willy the Wizard: No 1 Livid Land you could probably blame a gay demon as well (that or it’s about Pirate Pete after reading a “lets hate all the gays” thread).
Does anyone think it’s a bit strange that the star of the camp classic Some Like It Hot would be so anti-gay?
I’m confused. Is the BBC run by atheists promoting muslimics, gayers promoting atheism or islamers promoting gayism? Or is HYS filled with venereal vole vadges?
It’s run by gay people who don’t realise that their liberal Islamist stance will be the death of them when their evil propaganda ushers in the era of Muslim Britain, with fucking Shariah and everything.
Read about it here.
So, A Watchman Wrote:
“Once in, the demon took control and continued to feed her further revelations that she wrote down.
Her works are in no way her own.
Any committed Christian will know what I am saying is the truth.”
I’m not sure “Committed” is the word they were shooting for. They should have tried “Sectioned”.
Also:
“I think the gay community within the BBC is too powerful – and this HYS is a prime example of the mis-use of public money to further a political cause close to the corporations heart
Tony Curtis, Nottingham ”
I think this may have finally answered the question of whether he likes oysters or snails.
No blockquotes from me, I’m afraid.
Don’t be afraid of blockquotes. They’re really tiny and can do you no harm.
Unlike the BBC’s Gay Mafia.
… which would make a great TV series.
“[NutterBrackets]
Is God in charge of Pancake Tuesday? If so I salute him/her.”
I assume your joking, but if you’re not, Shrove Tuesday (Pancake Day) is the start of Lent, leading up to Easter.
Mmm Tasty!
“Unlike the BBC’s Gay Mafia.
… which would make a great TV series.”
There is a pretty good video game: GTA4: The Ballad of Gay Tony. Maybe they could make an awfull movie adaption, like street fighter.
(To lazy for blockquotes today)
I know somebody who works for the BBC as a spy. They don’t seem to pay him properly though, which is typical of a public funded organisation. I knocked at his door the other day, on my way into town, and luckily caught him in – he usually work seems to work in the evening, from about 6.30 to about 11.15. They work him terribly hard though, he always looks awful when he staggers back at night.
Anyway, he said that most of the BBC’s entertainment budget goes on alcopops and amyl nitrate, and that he would get me proof. I’ve given him £20 for photocopying, so should get a lot of evidence with that. I was going to meet him today actually, but he was busy.
A cheeky bit of mind-swerving on this thread from the occasionally notorious Leeds Music Forum.
http://www.leedsmusicforum.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=28362
The OP begins with a seemingly innocent query about entry fees for the Sport Relief Mile, and within just a handful of posts is complaining that giving £900 to asylum seekers is racist.
I’ll give it 7.5
A Watchman wrote:
For the sake of Law and Order and all of those ‘now missing persons’ the occult have taken over the decades, we need to know who the witches and warlocks are.
Too many people today take witchcraft far too lightly.
A new Dob-A-Witch-In phone line could be of great value to police.
who ARE these people