The gnomes have just become aware of the shocking idea that the Falkland Islands might have real economic and political significance.
If there is oil in the Falklands Argentina is most likely to want to put in a claim. After all, they went to war over a few sheep the last time round.
Bill, Southampton
You know that bit in a sci-fi thingy where they’ve got the “knowledge of the ancients in a techno-cube” or maybe the “memories of the entire Zargoid high-council stored in a brain-laser”? Or maybe just “37 exabytes of furry pr0n”. And you know how they’re always trying to download it into someone’s head but the geezer operating the brain-laser/techno-cube is worried that “the human mind is too primitive” to cope with that much information? I reckon Bill’s family feel the same way about “The One Show”.
159 Responses to “The Cause of Wars”
In my head I desperately want this to be Bill Cosby. Except in my head he is a white man, blacked up, pretending to be Bill Cosby.
And instead of playing Dr Huckstable, he is actually playing with model submarines in the bath, using his penis as a baby squid attacking the fleet.
i.e. what a cunt.
No, the cause of war is fucking Argies being all bolshy and shit.
Don’t you know anything? Clearly they ran out of corned beef to sell to the Africans or something and now they want good, British oil.
Curiously enough, my introduction to the Falklands war was when I was eight or so, and Adrian Mole was trying to find them on a map, but couldn’t because they were hidden behind some toast crumbs.
Those dastardly Argies! Cunning devils that they are – wheels within wheels within wheels. An elaborate double (triple? quadruple?) bluff. Surely Bill must be in great demand as a foreign-policy analyst, if he can see through their machinations so quickly.
“After all, they went to war over a few sheep the last time round.”
And penguins. Don’t forget the penguins.
@ Petpete
“playing model submarines in the bath, using his penis as a baby squid attacking the fleet”
Aw. You make me wish I had a penis now.
@ Roeby
With a little imagination (and butter) a man’s penis can literally become any sea creature at bath time.
The list is endless:
Butter Shark
Butter Octopus
Buttered Penis Lobster
Penis Crab (Buttered)
etc…
I think Bill’s confused the Falklands War for the Trojan War, with a particularly attractive sheep taking the role of Helen of Troy. After all, Bill would certainly go to war for a few sheep – how is he to know that other people wouldn’t?
I’m in the bath now but I forgot the butter.
Literally?
I think that’s the “Redknapp literally”.
And I hope my nested blockquotes work.
@Roeby
Did you have one before?
@ Pete
Well,now I’m really jealous…. All I can ever hope to achieve in the bath-sea-creature genre will be some form of molusc. And therefore not nearly so exciting when acting out battle scenerios.
However, it does make me wonder if Thatcher also played this game when formulating South Altantic navel strategy.
And that’s an image that will haunt me forever. Thanks.
I like the use of “put in a claim”. I was expecting the post to twist into an “MPs’ Expenses rant”.
Am I the only one completely distracted now by thoughts of Reoby’s attack-mollusc?
@Massive Propagating Bee Extinction
That was my introduction to the Falklands too! I always remembered it as cake crumbs though.
When I used the term “literally” I was, of course, underestimating the particular levels of pedantry found on SYB.
Apologies.
People do get invasions and war confused don’t they? + other tedious points.
I do like the idea of taking sheep hostage though, and having midnight tradings of political sheep activists on bridges.
And @ Roeby – I’ve never heard such happy-go-lucky bath time discussion go so hideously downhill. Never bring Thatcher into it.
Thatcher’s snatch stays dry
@ Roeby
Would this be a buttery mollusc?
@Templefoot
Cue Elton -any holes a goal even if it is Thatchers.
I’m sure I read a petition where many thousands of people had pledged that, if Thatcher was given a state funeral, they’d line the route and throw coal at the coffin.
I’d be up for that if I could glue the coal to a hand grenade. I’m not going to believe the bitch is dead until I see body parts.
Oh yes, here we go, Yay Elton!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8523538.stm
This is going to really get the twatbaskets ranting.
“A man’s penis can literally become any sea creature.”
I’m going to put that in my email signature and quote this blog as the source. There is a depth in this that Confucius would envy.
@ Nelson,
It had better be a very strong coffin anyway as everyone I know is polishing their dancing shoes for that joyous occasion, and the grave had better have good drainage as they are also going to be emptying their bladders over it.
Ok, own up. Who did this?
“A man’s penis can literally become any sea creature.”
Good luck with the hammerhead shark.
“Good luck with the hammerhead shark.”
I would have thought that may depend whether you are circumcised or not.
However, should your dick resemble a sea urchin I would suggest a trip to the doctors at your earliest convenience.
@Fuzzball, True Britman
“the peeple of the falklands wnt to stay english & we shoold not dessert them…”
He’s right, you know. It’s no trifling matter.
How come out of True Britman’s jingoistic rant, this is the only part that is spelt correctly? I like to read his rant picturing a burberry cap wearing tracksuited uncouth chav, but this section a handlebar moustached,tweed wearing old colonel.
@ That Bloke in the Corner
How about a burberry cap wearing, handlebar moustached, tracksuited middle-aged man with a tweed jacket and a port glass filled with Cheeky Vimto?
@Templefoot
And a penis that can literally become any sea creature?
@TBitC
Spelt correctly, but still lacking the proper punctuation – maybe he’s an grocer (but at least we kno what Molesworth do when he grow up).
I love the horrific, horrific mangling of the word “simples” (apparently the new “You couldn’t make it up OH WAIT” of HYS) at the end of True Britman’s post.
Almost as much as I love the idea that starting a war with a major South American power while simultaneously rehoming several million people who have more right to live in Britain than any other country could ever be “simples”.
*an grocer*
Arse-biscuits!
My ability to read twatspeak is somewhat limited, however, I think True Britman signing off with “sipmlz” was an agonizingly depressing attempt at spelling “simples”.
If this is true, I think he has a penis that can literally become a meerkat, standing erect at the possibility of going to war with Johnny Foreigner and bloodying his stupid foreign face.
Just a thought.
If Argentina are prepared to go to war over a few sheep, shouldn’t we send a task force to Derbyshire?
@ Roeby
“All I can ever hope to achieve in the bath-sea-creature genre will be some form of molusc. And therefore not nearly so exciting when acting out battle scenerios.”
Finally, a woman who knows how to talk dirty
compare the meerkat, compare the twatbasket, simples
Stating the obvious: Check.
Use of ‘methinks’: Check.
Being a cunt: Check.
It’s the ubiquitous of the word “methinks” that makes me suspect there are really only about ten people keeping HYS going at any one time.
Nonsense, just arm each Falklands sheep with one of these
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett_%28nuclear_device%29
Job done
And yes. I’m still thinking of molluscs.
I imagine the US version of Parade is rather different from the bush pr0n staple of my own Adrian Mole years.
It looks like diplomatic manoeuvres are moving fast. Tom (Deul Belgium/US national) is lobbying for a new world war.
I love the Falklands thread – it can give in so many ways. Try this for comedy genius of Colin Hunt proportions:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Geddit? He’s PRETENDING to be the Pneguins. Took him *ages* to write. He emailed it to all his mates in the office too. They loved it.
This one is genuinely funny though – pains me to say it about HYS but…
After giving the matter some thought (though not as much as Souperman), I have come to the conclusion that Bill actually imagines his penis to be a nuclear sub, and enthusiastically re-enacts ‘missile launches’ to blow the Belgrano (represented by a crusty sponge) from the water. Although to be historically accurate the sponge wouldn’t technically be ‘in’ the bath at the time.
Veering massively off topic but I think I may have found a young lady with a sparkling future ahead of her if she ever finds HYS. Here is her rant on a clear cut case of movie plagiarism
http://www.latinoreview.com/news/open-letter-to-universal-your-wolfman-ripped-off-twilight-9247
I went to the Falklands a couple of years ago and got the distinct impression they were sizing me up for something loose fitting in wicker.
They are also terrible hypocrites. Be nice to an Argentinian in public and they have a radio phone-in (this really happened) but every menial service-industry job is performed by an Argentinian pretending to be from Chile.
“blow the Belgrano”
Oh Roeby, how you give yourself away…
Belgrano? Lone grab? Oral beng?
And I’ve gone all Lechter… Coat please! Yes, the one that does up at the back…
“Added: Wednesday, 17 February, 2010, 23:54 GMT 23:54 UK
Dear Argy,
the feeling is the same for the Falklands now as it was then, its OURS!!..dont even think about it…not even now after all the years that have passed, turn round and walk away now, and dont EVER look back….we are the same people now as then,.
wesley, amsterdam”
Ooooooh, Wesley means business! (I’m guessing several ‘lone grabs’ occurred after tying that.)
Typing!!!!
err… I rather like that penguin post.
“the feeling is the same for the Falklands now as it was then, its OURS!!..dont even think about it”
I’d just like to say, in support of Wesley:
LEAVE ‘EM WESLEY! LEAVE ‘EM! THEY AIN’T WORF IT TH FACKIN SLAAAAAAAGS!
etc
Yeah, turn around Argentina and face Chile! Nah, in fact, clamber over the Andes, and fuck off over the Pacific…. don’t stop walkin’ till you reach hit Australia.
And yes, I have finally taken the blockquote plunge….
Though “reach hit” is a fail.
Another source claims it was biscuit crumbs. I’m leaning on the side of some kind of fruited bread product, as I think he was looking at the map at breakfast. But what the fuck would I know, it’s been 31 years since I read it.
No, it’s been 23 years since I read it. 23 + 8 = 31.
Just to clear things up, it was fruitcake:
I remember something curranty, but I forgot about the pedantry.
However, did you notice that Adrian’s dad is the HYSer of yesteryear? They used to send fucking telegrams back then – in fact, I saw an early example of HYS at the museum the other day, from when NZ was heading towards legalising homosexuality. It was very typical HYS stuff about the country and world going to hell in a handbasket because the gays would be able to be gay without being locked up.
It was nice to see things hadn’t changed in 30 years, and also that someone saw fit to keep it for posterity.
Good of Wesley to do all his sabre rattling from the relative safety of Holland.
Sabre rattling? Belgrano? Lob range?
I’ve let myself down…
@damon green, I haven’t been to the Falkland Islands, but I have been to Gibraltar (several times). I have this terrible feeling they’re quite similar, other than the temperature difference of course. Strange people…
From the Eastenders thread
What was it this time, a squid? Kraken, perhaps?
More importantly, did you sink the submarine?
Kraken? Crack-en? Don’t you start an’all!
@soulboy
Thank you thank you thank you for that link. Considered it duly spread around twitter, facebook etc.
the comments here are so AWFUL
“the comments here are so AWFUL” Are you coming over all Dick Emery?
I can picture peterbellamy clutching his handbag to his ample bosom as he says it
Pah! I still say the Telegraph has the last word on Armchair Generals.
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/geraldwarner/100026461/operation-futility-going-well-mission-accomplished-the-taliban-has-fallen-again/
Just look at the quality of some of those ill-conceived, uninformed rants. Why, you practically have to dodge the spittle coming out of the screen.
I often think they could save time and effort when writing a Telegraph columnists bio by just putting their name followed by “is a twat.”
AWFUL.
Fnar fnar
”
The only way to stop the Taliban is quite simply to kill everyone in a village or town that harbours them and I mean everyone, very soon after the first 100,000 deaths they would be very unpopular. Of course since we can’t do that and are taking the nicey nicey approach we are going to be there for years if not another decade.
There really isn’t much there worth hanging around for except mud or sand.”
I just thought I’d throw that one out there, it’s from the telegraph article.
“Of course since we can’t do that and are taking the nicey nicey approach.”
Nicey nicey? Nicey? From Smashy and Nicey? You ain’t seen nothin yet – Mike Smash and Dave Nice? He obviously favours the Smashy Smashy approach. If not, he’s a cock. In fact, he’s a cock either way. Doesn’t like the gays obviously but gets “confused” at the sight of Jeremy Clarkson’s little curly perm.
@colonel mustard
He’s right. I mean, if he wants a huge fucking outcry, some war crimes worse than those in Yugoslavia, lots of funny brown people dead and to have the legacy of your average Nazi, is there a better way to do it?
@Massive Propagating Bee Extinction
Yeah, I basically agree. Especially with this Gerald Warner chief.
“Broken Britain” rhetoric? Check.
Casual mysogyny (sp?)? Check
Unfounded scaremongering? Check
The thing is, in this article he has some not-totally-unreasonable points about how realistic the aims of NATO in Afghanistan are. He just is incapable of expressing himself in a non-arseholeish manner
@RT, don’t forget:
Here’s an interesting example of Godwin’s Law from Nick Robinson’s bully Brown blog.
You see it might seem that Christine Pratt is guitly of a horrific breach of confidentiality while allowing her organisation to become hopelessly politicised, but she’s actually preventing the next Holocaust…
“Hello, is that the fair and Governmentally impartial Gestapo anti bullying hotline”
“Ja”
“This is Mr Cohen the jeweller, I am suffering some really bad abuse from the Brown Shirted guys”
“No Problem Mr Cohen, we’ll send some one around immediately, have a bag packed with some essentials, just in case we have to move you for your own protection”.
Why do these twats keep harking back to 1930′s Germany as an example of the present day? I would rant and rage about it, but there is bound to be some moronic pondlife in this office that would report me to the anti bullying folk and then I would be in the naughty corner with Gordon. Political twatness gorn maaaad I tell ya.
Take a moment of light relief from all that, and check out this truly insane-in-the-membrane self-profiling in the Graun’s CiF section…
http://www.guardian.co.uk/users/ChookerLover
Congratulations on what I assume to be SYBs’ first ever chiefing out. Fair play to you sir, for never was there a bigger chief chewing on the Telegraph cuttlefish than Gerald Warner, except perhaps Big Jimmy Delingpole. Or Christopher Booker. Every time I read any of these people, it feels like Maggie Thatcher herself has dropped a brown cable right on my fucking forehead, and no mistake.
Also, allow me to correct your spelling by means of an etymological breakdown:
[b]Miso[/b] [from the Greek meaning "hate" or "hatred of" - think misfit, mistake] and [b]gyn(y)[/b] [from the Greek again, relating to the female - think gynaecological]
Oh, what a fucking format fail that was.
How? The army is currently engaged in a land war in Asia and I don’t imagine “True Britman” volunteering his services, even if the Army DOES have vacancies for dribbling illiterates.
He forgot to add, “Captain Mainwairing!” Also, perhaps, “they don’t like it up ‘em!”
Looks like the national press have picked up on a little story in my neck of the woods. I wondered how long it would take them to get hold of the planned mosque right next to the RMA, Sandhurst. I am glad to see the “How many churches in Saudi?” Brigade have wasted no time in letting their thoughts be known.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1252636/Defence-chiefs-fight-plans-build-giant-mosque-overlooking-Sandhurst.html
’nuff said.
’nuff said. Or shouted from Canada.
’nuff said. Limited to the size of our churches. Although that plan might backfire, because last time I was there, York Minster seemed pretty fucking big.
@Massive Propagating Bee Extinction
Thanks for the correction, I’m a bit simple when it comes to spelling big words. Where does miso soup come into it, though?
Apropos of the big words, I was watching John Stewart being interviewed on the O’Reilly factor on the interwebs, and I was genuinely shocked by the number of times Bill O’Reilly out-and-out responded by saying,
So Fox is the most trusted news source for 49% of Americans, and one of their key people openly admits to ignorance when faced with big words and new concepts? Argh
Last time I drove through Chipping Camden(or anywhere that looks like Morse or the Midsummer Murders takes place) I didn’t notice the minarets dominating the skyline, were they hiding behind the Fox Hunters?
From The Times’ Nato Airstrike Casualties thread:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/afghanistan/article7035978.ece
Dare I venture into The Telegraph….?
That’s a bit harsh, I saw some nice smiley Afghans on the TV the other night have a great giggle with some American Marines, they all looked very friendly, whether they went on to have a massive orgy or blow each other up was alas not reported.
Hmmmm, no Telegraph thread on the Afghan civilian death, possibly because there are more pressing concerns at home:
I request that ‘Bluebells’ and ‘Spanish’ be included in the Twat-o-tron forthwith!
Where is our referendum on Europe Mr Clown?
Dago bluebells coming over here and propagating in good honest British soil, get bluebells out of Europe NOW!!!!!!!
The man we should be thanking for this outburst of jingoistic jizzing is the Chair of the all-party Commons committee on the Falklands and well-known man of the people Nicholas Winterton.
For lo! Despite assurances that there is no intent – or indeed capability – on the part of Argentian to do anything militarily except maybe have a nice parade or two, patriotic Sir Nick makes it known that he doesn’t trust the Argies as far as he can throw them, and they’re up to something. And probably swarthy as well.
With predictably hilarious results.
Makes me glad to be alive. And slightly envious that I don’t have an internet army of slavering cretins to act on my every whim.
@ That Bloke
Not only are the damn euro-bells “propagating in good honest British soil” they are actively shagging our female bluebells and threatening the purity of English (NOT British) chlorophyll!!!!
And don’t even get me started on ruddy ducks…..
One of those Bluebell families moved into our street last year. A touch of the tar brush about them and no mistake.
“unjustified ornithological ethnic cleansing”
That’s MY quote for the day!
Didn’t the bluebells sing “*Young at Heart”? That means these aren’t just Dago bluebells miscegenating all over here, they’re Paedo Dago bluebells.
*fuck knows how i remembered that.
Can I just get back on topic here? We were discussing the fact that a man’s penis can literally become any sea monster.
Actually, since I’ve stopped lurking and started posting, I think I’ll choose this for my nickname from now on.
Done!
@A man’s penis can literally become any sea monster, have to say ‘Have Your Lurk’ was punchy-er.
@ Roeby
Do you believe in terrorist sleeper cells, that the US organised 9/11, that we’re sleepwalking into socialism?
Nope, i believe we’re witnessing unjustified ornithological ethnic cleansing, implemented by our government, at this very moment.
I like Christopher Lever, he knows.
Speaking as one whose penis can literally become any form of pond-life, I hate those ruddy ducks. Go Gordon and his duck-crushing fists!
@ Templefoot
I’ve been a blind fool and I apologise for my ignorance. In future I will be lead by the insights of such luminaries as Christopher Little and indeed, Neil Craig, who I believe should be introduced to each other.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blog/2010/feb/22/torture-cia-dick-cheney
Get ready for serious intellectual debate:
I’m pretty sure The Bluebells looked like gyppos too. Thieving, swarthy, pretty flowers.
It’s enough to make you kick a ruddy duck up the pimhole!
Ooooo, Christopher LITTLE is someone I work with… beg pardon! (Though he is a twat too.)
Anyone here listen to the jeremy vine show on radio 2? It’s like the audio version of HYS; the retarded callers / commentators do my head in but I cant stop listening.
An untapped habitat of almost any kind of sea monster:
http://www.moorewatch.com/index.php/forums/viewthread/2823/
@TrumpsCombOver
Nicky Campbell’s phone-in on 5Live is far worse. I sometimes think the callers on that are just reading the top-rated posts on HYS. Plus, it’s presented by Nicky Campbell, which automatically ups its tosser quotient by 3000 per cent.
Back on topic (original one that is, not involving penis seacreatures, flowers or ruddy ducks):
Errr, is ‘what’ what, exactly Wendy?
The important thing is not what is the ‘it’ of Wendy’s question, but that whatever ‘it’ is the answer will always be ‘no’.
Maybe Alan can explain the situation better…?
Added: Tuesday, 23 February, 2010, 11:12 GMT 11:12 UK
Rule or be ruled its as simple as that.
alan
Oh. Perhaps not.
This whole falklands/malvinas bull-plop of a story is rather amusing, it’s like two muggers arguing over who ‘owns’ a snatched purse. Leave it to the fucking penguins I say! (the islands, not the purse)
Let them have the purse as well.
“Rule or be ruled its as simple as that.”
If you ignore the fact that Argentina neither rules nor is ruled, Alan, yes.
But is Alan actually referring to Argentina? Or is he arguing that Britain is in danger of losing sovereignty? Or is he a Danny DeVito figure urging the penguins to rise up against their human oppressors?
Or is he, in fact, in the bath looking down at his own sea creature….
However, it does have beaches, and on beaches you find not only pasty white shrivelled “sea creatures”, but also waves.
And who rules the waves?
Britannia, that’s fucking who.
Kill an argie, win a metro.
Alan is probably talking about his sea creature. As he measures it with his rule.
I’m afraid the Metro is the “look what you could have won” prize, should you catch the Argie dead between the eyes they switch it for the speedboat and I am afraid the South Atlantic is a bit choppy for that.
@ My Pockets Hurt
Would that be the same twat who recently said that standard class is full of plebs & proles therefor not suitable for MP’s such as himself?
“People in standard class may be reading a book — but I doubt very much that they are undertaking serious work or engaged in study of any kind. People in standard class have completely different way of thinking to those in 1st class, who undertake serious thinking and important work”.
As chairman of the crossparty committee on the Falklands I wonder if he’s ever been, & if so how he coped mixing with smelly squadies & the lack of 1st class for 12 hours on the MOD charter flight down there.
Bee Extinction: “I just thought I’d throw that one out there, it’s from the telegraph article.”
It’s fucking great, isn’t it? I was going to mail one to Nelson but they were all so brilliantly unhinged I couldn’t pick one, so I just sent the whole link.
Jose Luis Borges had it right –
“a fight between two bald men over a comb”.
The solution? Build an exact replica of Port Stanley somewhere on the South Island of New Zealand, then move all the Bennies (sorry, Falkland Islanders) there. Even better, knock them out with chloroform before flying them out to their new home, and then see how long it takes them to work out what’s happened.
@Marx & Sparx
Here’s his missus demonstrating some of that ‘serious thinking’.
I haven’t got much to add to this thread, seeing as all my knowledge/memories of the Falklands War is/ are a hideous, nightmarish mash-up of Steve Bell cartoons, Thatcher’s barking voice of evil, that Tumbledown thing with Colin Firth in it and close-ups of Simon Weston’s face.
Nearly 30 years on and I still don’t have the faintest idea why the UK should give a living shit about some crappy islands near Argentina (hint, hint).
I know the answer to this one. It’s “guano”. Or it might be oil. Or possibly (and this is what I was told the last time when that fucking Thatcher was in charge) sovereignty rights over Antarctica.
We already have a replica of Port Stanley on the South Island. It’s called Bluff.
And they get the same kind of penguins, too.
Ah, see, you’ve got the Steve Bell filter working there, too.
Indeed. Gibraltar is claustrophobic (though the border with Spain is open – just)but has nicer weather and a more varied genetic pool. Miss Gibraltar as Miss World? Not that surprising. Miss Falkland Islands as Miss World? Only if the judges have their beer goggles on.
Now, imagine if the people of the Falklands had been black as the ace of spades. Would we have given a monkeys about them? No – just ask the people of Diego Garcia.
Sweet as, bro. I only got as far as Queenstown.
@Curtain Twitcher
It’s a mystery why you even went there…
When all is said and done, it’s not giving a shit about the Falklands that’s the problem. It’s the Islanders that give a shit about the UK.
I mean, it’s not like you have a situation where the UK gives a shit about Australia and New Zealand still being dominions, but Australia and New Zealand still give a shit about that stuff. The Falklands situation is just one where the entire situation has been exacerbated by the previous claims to the islands by Argentina, the previous conflict over the islands and the fact that the people living there still see themselves as British subjects, and identify strongly with the Crown as a sovereign entity. If you couple that with the islands’ very small population and lack of ability to properly defend itself or sustain itself out of its very narrow economic base, there’s a strong argument that the UK has a moral obligation to protect the people it’s defended so strongly in the past.
Argentina also has some serious issues when it comes to claiming huge swathes of empty ocean that aren’t ever recognised by the international community. Normally a country would claim up to 300km from its borders for its exclusive use. Argentina makes claims up to 1000km from its coastline, and in fact up to 1000km from islands and other territories included in its coastline. By these means, Argentina’s claims to territorial waters within its EEZ extend more than halfway across the Southern Atlantic.
So this isn’t just an issue of Britain giving a shit about some islands that get hidden under some fruitcake, or analogous to Deigo Garcia – largely because those islands weren’t taken at a point in the past by an act of war, or subject of international territorial disputes and so matters relating to the depopulation of Diego Garcia have had remedy in the British courts. It’s actually a larger issue with Argentina’s general stance with regard to its EEZ. International waters have a purpose, and Argentina’s attitude toward its very elastic EEZ starts encroaching on the rights of other countries to use the ocean.
The final issue is also with the timing, and with the reactions of the ordinary Argentines. If you ask one of them, they’ll note that the issue of the Falklands always comes up at a time when it’s convenient to distract people from rampant inflation, mismanagement of the economy and general discontenment with a government that, by merit of its relative isolation at the bottom of the Southern Cone, tends to treat everything from there to South Africa as part of its territory. The difference this time is that rather than being pure rhetoric and going on about Las Malvinas because its good to show you care about Argentina, Argentina has a claim that the British now want the islands for oil.
Of course, it’s not like the British government is going to see much of the money, excepting the fact that the companies are British and pay taxes in the UK. The main benefits will be going to the oil companies and the Falkland Islanders themselves.
Essentially, Argentina has done itself a massive disservice with an aggresssive stance on the matter, and insisting that things will be done by blockading shipping. The British actually have quite a large military contingent on the island compared to their size and have been slowly building up troops and equipment for a few months. The British will want to send a clear signal to Argentina – and the rest of South America – that encroachment on territories where people have spoken loud and clear about who they want to affiliate themselves with is something that won’t be tolerated. They’re basically saying that if the Falkland Islanders want to drill for oil, they’re not going to stop them and they’re not going to allow anyone else to stop them.
Given that Nelson and co seem to have died/turned into brave N’avi warriors, I will use my next post to craft a tune of joy for all to enjoy, recite and propogate. Peace and love people. Peace and love.
No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no limit!
No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no limit!
No no limits, we’ll reach for the sky!
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
No no limits, won’t give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
Let me hear you say Yeah!
Hard to the core, I feel the floor
When I’m on the stage, yo, yo’ll ask for more
I’m on the ass, I know the last
I work real hard do you like my cash
Tick tick ticka tick take your time
When I’m goin’ I’m goin’ for mine
Open your ears and you will hear it
I tell you this ’cause there’s no limit!
No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no limit!
No no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there’s no limit!
No no limits, we’ll reach for the sky!
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
No no limits, won’t give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
No limits allowed, cause there’s much crowd
Microphone check as I choose my rhyme
I’m playing on the road; I’ve got no fear
The sound for my mouth is the rap you hear
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
Reach the top, touch the sky!
They tried to diss me cause I sell out
I’m making techno when I am proud!
No no limits, we’ll reach for the sky!
No valley too deep, no mountain too high
No no limits, won’t give up the fight
We do what we want and we do it with pride
I began to proof that but couldn’t be fucked.
Massive Propogating Bee Extinction, do you have anything to add in response to Cab Grunter’s rebuttal?
Yes. I’m leaving now. And if I should stay. I would only get in your way. So I’ll go. But I know I’ll think of you every step of the way.
AND AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOHHHHH.
Etc. Divers alarums, exit left.
@Massive Propagating Bee Extinction
That looks suspiciously like a reasoned argument. What have you been drinking?
Have Your Lurk (The poster formerly known as “A man’s penis can literally become any sea monster” but changed mind after typing Massive Propagating Bee Extinction and suddenly seeing the attraction of shorter nicknames)
I’d just like to say that Massive Propagating Bee Extinction got it bang to rights.
Got to dash..
Yeah, there’s not – no limit to the amount of tax that Gordon Clown and zanuliebore want to rob off of me!!!!!
Went where? Haven’t been to the Falklands, but most servicemen I know who have think that Argentina’s welcome to them.
If the population of the Islands were much larger (at least that of Gibraltar’s) then I would see the point. I don’t support Argentina’s claim to the Falklands any more than I support Spain’s claim to Gibraltar, or Guatemala’s claim to Belize, but I think that the hassle of maintaining and defending a tiny settlement in such a remote area outweighs the benefits.
I only suggested the South Island of New Zealand over the Outer Hebrides because they’re in the southern hemisphere, so there’d be more continuity – Christmas in the summer.
In fairness to the Falklands, they’re not nearly as ridiculous a place as Pitcairn, which has a human population of fifty, half of whom have been convicted of kiddy fiddling.
Had it not been for Leopoldo Galtieri, the Islands would have been leased back to Argentina, which is what Nicholas Ridley had proposed. The economy was stagnant, and people were leaving in droves. Under the British Nationality Act 1981, the Falkland Islanders lost their right of abode in the UK, and it took the war for that to be restored.
Well, I think it’s time the Falklanders and the Gibraltareans came and helped the UK for a change. What have they ever done for old Blighty, eh?
@curtain twitcher:
as for Spain’s claim to Gibraltar – I prefer to support Morocco’s claim to the Spanish enclave of Ceuta
Fuck it – I say we attack France (I lay claim to Lyon) and shake things up a bit. Next Canada. They’ve got Frenchies too. (I call Vancouver.)
Reading back over 2 Unlimited’s magnum opus (above) I came to the realisation that there is actually a glaring omission; that of the immortal line:
TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO TECHNO
I’m here already helping out-well technically I’m not a true Gibbo, but I was born there and didn’t hit blighty till I was 7, my brother has gone back to live there so he did help and then sodded off.
But Likening Gib to the Falklands? The Falklands are more like the Outer Hebridies and Gib is just like Torquay on a very sunny day in 1988 with a few forrins around (though in my day the border was shut and there were no dago’s and morrocans littering up the place like nowadays-oh yeah,and Thatchers offspring trying to avoid prison sentences in Africa, then it was like a sunny Torquay in 1950) and there are no sheep on Gib, but the apes are quite woolly I suppose.
Blockquote fail, oh well back to the corner again.
Prety good description – plus bobbies speaking Spanish and driving on the right (which must come as a shock to any visiting Falkland Islanders!)
The advantage that Gibraltar has over the Falklands is that it’s easier to escape from. But at least the Falklands have an airport, unlike St Helena.
Check this out: HYSers complain that the BBC is changing their screen name to “You” when they log in to post comments…
Quality.
From a thread on education.
I actually meant Queenstown… although if you were a tourist I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that, and I hear backpackers who come here to fuck their way through the backpacking population of QT do have a good time, but I’d rather stick pins in my balls and then jump off a cliff than spend more time in Queenstown than I need to. $5 for a small flat white? Fuck off.
And why yes, I have been drinking. But only because I don’t have any pot.
I’d like to summarise where that thread went in capital letters, in the style of a literate but stupid HYSer.
@Massive Propagating Bee Extinction, you forgot left wing Gays.
You called?
My favorites are the centre-right gays with Amex cards and blue bow ties. Not the ones who dress up as pirates though – they’re commie gay libruls.
Just a thought, but have Nelson, Kelvin and the others kidnapped Mr “Warp 4 Captain” Chekov’s son and gone on an 18-30 holiday?
@That Bloke in the Corner
“I’m here already helping out-well technically I’m not a true Gibbo, but I was born there and didn’t hit blighty till I was 7″
Thank you for your Gibraltarian input, sir. (And I’m a fine one to talk, I’m Irish.)
@Cab Grunter
I was wondering the same thing. I reckon we’ve got as much as we’re going to get out of this thread. If you read the original post very very carefully, there are actually no men’s penises posing as literally any sea creature, for example. I move that we, um, talk about something else. That means you, Kelvin. Kelvin? Hello? Anyone home?
Shit! Now the bloody auto-field-remembery thing on my browser thinks my name is A man’s penis etc. Fuck, fuck, fucketty fuck. Only way out of this is to reinstall Windows, I bet.
@Have Your Lurk, it forgets after a few weeks and goes back to normal. Had the same this when the blah filter was on the other month,took ages for it to forget the blah names.
@ That Bloke and Have your Lurk
Be careful, you are both begining to sound a little like the HYS post found by Andy Pandy….
You may have been spending too much time around reactionary comment pages. Methinks.
@Roeby
Shit, you’re right. Traces of self-righteousness are creeping in… I was starting to expect the BBC (sorry, I mean Kelvin) to provide my knee-jerk entertainment. Well, it’s the thin edge of the wedgie, isn’t it! It’s all those immigrants getting benefits while I’m paying 200% in tax to Nu(clear) Liar-Bore and Gore-down Brown-noser! It wasn’t like this in my day I can tell you! We were proud to be British! Never mind the fact that I’m Irish, it’s political correctness gone mad people! Our only hope is the BNP! (KELVIN, HELP! FIND US SOMETHING TO POKE FUN AT, QUICK)
Yes, I was a tourist in Queenstown. So was the only attractive woman I saw in New Zealand – either she was Israeli or she was a Maori with an excellent command of Hebrew. I actually was in town to have lunch with the family of a colleague of mine, and God, his sister was ugly. And even uglier now.
Ten years ago, there was an Argentine film called Fuckland, about an Argie who went to the Islands and planned to get every woman of childbearing age pregnant so the next generation would want to be Argies.
When I told a family friend about this, he said “you can only love your country so much”. Dea Birkett went to live on Pitcairn, and managed to sleep around with most of the men on the island – not hard in a place with only fifty people. No airport, no regular boat service, no telephones except through an expensive satellite connection, no wonder the British Governor lives in Wellington instead.
To clarify, the family friend had served in the Falklands, and, like all the other servicemen, calls the locals ‘Bennies’, after the woolly-hatted simpleton off Crossroads.