Thanks to Generalist for this. Oh look, Jon Venables did a drawing when he was ten that isn’t of fairies and ponies like most boys’ drawings are. Quick, think of a comment that expresses how much you love all the precious kiddiwinks!
We should have hung them when they were ten. Killing children is wrong and should be punished by death.
Pritesh Hathalia, Leicester
Ideally the hangman should be eight years old so we can go after him next.
76 Responses to “Internally Consistent”
Jon Venables gets hung by Pritesh Hathilia, Pritesh Hathilia gets hung for hanging a ten year old…
Sounds like a win win situation to me…
I’d turn the blah filter on quick if I were you – before people start deconstucting the pic using all the experience gained in their humanities degrees.
Where is Nelson BTW?
Tweaking the blah filter.
If he *did* draw fairies and ponies, no doubt he’d be up for hanging for showing “queer” tendencies. You’re meant to like Nintendo and footballers. But in a totally non-homoerotic manner.
Drawing pictures for the Daily Mail by the look of it.
Interesting question indeed… You never seen Nelson and this Jon Venables chap in the same room do you?
Well, not since the trial anyway.
Instead of building the Large Hadron Collider, why not just get Pritesh Hathalia to keep uttering this paradoxical through a loo-roll until a black hole appears at the other end?
That picture’s not all that bad (in terms of content, not execution). I did a lot worse when I were a lad and I hardly killed any children…
…and a six pack. Was Susan really a transsexual, further deeply disturbing a deeply disturbed boy who was already deeply disturbed? And, if this deep disturbance did deeply disturb him, was this deeply disturbing picture the deeply disturbing result? Have we run out of things to say only 200 words into this article? Never mind, we’re the Mail so we’ll make deeply disturbing things up until the page is full.
Whatever.
I can’t wait to watch Pritesh Hathalia’s new series on BBC Four, outlining the origins of the Holocaust.
I’m surprised that the most recommended comment there is actually rather sane (no doubt as soon as I type this, “FILTHY PAEDOS GRR WHY DO I PAY MY TAXES FOR CRIMINALS HANGING’S TOO GOOD FER EM” will receive a massive surge of votes and make me look like a twat).
Anyway, I’m fairly sure that this Pritesh character is some sort of double-troll, presumably set up by a BNP member particularly conflicted about the presence of funny coloured people in his party.
I think the Mail might have turned comments off on that story now. I wonder, if I hacked up a script that scraped a comment from every story on the Mail site, did a mad-libs style pisstake of it and posted it somewhere else, would they turn off the comments for all stories? It’d be worth the effort just to deny the BNP one of their favourite circlejerks. I can just imagine the really angry look on one side of Nick Griffin’s face.
Also:
Jon or Terry?
Clever troll is clever.
Doing blockquotes properly is too good for me!
To be fair, if Jack Straw leaks Venables’ new identity to Denise Fergus, she can sell her story to the highest tabloid bidder (again) and the swivel-eyed loon fraternity can lynch Venables, thereby saving the Taxpayers’ Alliance lots of money.
Alternatively, the proletariat may care to learn the difference between “the public interest” and “the public are interested”.
Rempleforeskin:
To kill one child is unfortunate, to kill two looks like carelessness.
Oh, it’s RUMpleforeskin! Oh, I get it now! It’s like that Central Perk! Hahaha! Can’t believe I just got that!
And even the defence of carelessness didn’t get Huntley off, did it?
“They slipped in the bath, guv, ‘onest!”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/8071865.stm
The UK really has become the 51st state of America.
Killing is wrong and violence is wrong. The only way to teach this is to kill killers and be violent toward violent people.
That’s why I give my child a good hiding when he hit another boy at his school. I use violence as my solution to teach them not to be violent.
With parenting skills like mine, I find it amazing that people still raise violent children. How hard is it? Wake up people!
If you think that’s bad, you should see how I punish my child when I catch him masturbating.
Of course, it’s all Bottler McClown’s fault (from the Oldest tab):
Tit.
Incidentally, the two figures being stabbed in the picture look to me like Bert and Ernie off of Sesame Street.
@Theodore
I love this quote:
Well seeing as he’s on the inside of the lid, he’s only really watching over your Marmite.
Yes, a devious and ultimately successful strategy as the opinion polls have demostrated for years. Labour’s power will obviously remain unchecked ad infinitum.
The kind of moral breakdown so aptly embodied by Venables and Thompson, born under the notoriously wooly-liberal welfare state of the Thatcher government. Once the resolutely socialist John Major came to power it was barely more than two years before these two selfish consumers of tax money, reliant on the state for their education and healthcare, decayed far enough to perform their evil deeds. I think it’s pretty clear for all to see that the blame lies squarely at the door of Blair and Brown’s cynical re-election plans.
I was about to write that the Register has nicked your story, even down to the quippage, but according to the time stamps, you nicked it from them. Fair enough. Carry on.
@Theodore
Knowing my fellow countrymen, the next time something unfortunate plagues the family they’ll be threatening Jesus with being spread on toast and fed to the dog.
I should have added that it’s here:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/09/mail_comment/
@Naich
This was banging around on Twitter yesterday. But I was hoping it would appear here.
Not to jump to the defense of Kelvin blindly, but it seems to me he beat them to the punch by 5 minutes – the 10:48 timestamp on this page isn’t correct; all the times on this page are out by an hour.
Or maybe I’m posting this from one hour in the future? I’m confused.
Shackleton’s right (in fact according to the document revision history I finished it at 4:20 yesterday afternoon and scheduled it for this morning), plus Lester’s story didn’t have the line about the 10-year old feedback loop when it was originally published. That appeared suspiciously recently.
@Theodore
But according to biblical enthusiast Marco Ponce it’s the fucking long-haired false Jesus. Marmite’s slogan “The growing up spread” obviously refers to the rising of Lucifer and his army of toast-demons.
It’s them feckin’ Borgs again.
Wasn’t one hour in to the future Max Headroom?
When I speak to women, one hour into their futures usually requires max headroom if you know what I mean! BOOM! BOOM!
No; Gloves first, or you don’t get a good ‘seal’ against the cold.
Christ, seeing that published I actually feel quite ashamed; lucky HYSers don’t have the same level of self-awareness, or Britain would lose every single person in the country that pays taxes.
The Borg blew up a Starfleet shuttle or two. Max Headroom just tried to steal a Shuttle off the Enterprise. Although he was a time traveller. But a time traveller from the past, not the future! He’d stolen a time-traveller-from-the-future’s time machine to go forward to the 24th century and then sell Data in the 22nd century cos he turns out to be a pirate and everything and Robin Williams was meant to play him but he wanted to play Peter Pan and fight Paedo Hoffman in Hook which was crap really and then there was this thing with a noise and it was loud and I cried.
I stand corrected. Must be these new trousers.
I’m confused. I thought Max Headroom was a disembodied head that presented a topical music program on Channel4 on Sunday mornings…are you on drugs Cab?
Shackleton, you are both A hero and MY hero.
All hail the new king!
@ Roeby
I believe Mr Grunter was referring to the actor Matt Frewer, who played both Max Headroom and a character in the episode of Star Trek he was referring to.
That doesn’t mean he isn’t on drugs though. I suspect he probably is.
I like that this is maybe the only site on the internet where the Star Trek references are more obscure than the French philosopher references.
@ Kelvin
I think you may just have defined hell.
Jean-Paul Sartre famously said that hell is other people, but then again, all his mates were French.
There you go – a French philosopher and an obscure sci-fi reference in one sentence. *blows on fingernails and buffs them on lapel*
And proving Kelvin’s point, I get the French philosophy joke but not the obscure sci-fi reference.
Will it always be dark in here, up our own arses? Smells kinda funny too.
I didn’t spot it when first posted, but it has to be Red Dwarf, right?
@Shackleton – MY arse smells of roses and Unicorn glitter, I’ll have you know.
@Kelvin – that was a level 2 Pasta-Spitter of a comment. Chapeau (just keepin’ the pretension alive, baby)!
Jeez, that Star Trek reference didn’t seem to be even remotely obscure to me, in fact I remember that character vividly.
I’ll just stand over here and point the maximum-setting disruptor at my chest, ok?
@Theodore
Jesus? It’s not Jesus, it’s Lemmy.
Oh great, and then what will we do when we need to overload it and cause an explosion in a Jeffries tube?
Um, I mean, you bunch of sad nerds.
That comment (as in the one at the top, above all this blurb) is so amazingly stupid/stupidly amazing that it just made my brain implode. Brerhesifdhj3432ewdiuewr3iwur erewofdj fs’d'f;sl59i40riwe0fk/.
@roeby
Sunday mornings? Nah, it was on late at night after I rolled in from the pub, pissed.
Monday-Friday on C4, just after Countdown, I think.
Linkage FAIL. I meant Lemmy.
Ah so you’re all assuming that the child would die? Pritesh clearly understands that some children are vampires and won’t die after being killed.
As to what effect these vampire children may have on house prices- I will wait to see what the Daily Mail has to say about it before commenting rashly.
@ john Adair’s Gerbil
Possibly….. I may be thinking of the Chart Show.
@ La Spesh
Oh, are Lush selling suppositories now? Do the sparkly bits still amass in your pubes though?
Or whether vampires cause cancer?
Ooops try the more up to date site
Damned google.
I think you’ll find that the actual content – I’m paraphrasing, to pre-empt the counter-pedant – was Holly saying to Lister about hell being trapped in a room with your friends forever, to which Lister then responded that all Sartre’s mates were French. This was because Lister was complaining about Holly bringing Rimmer back as a hologram to keep him sane, and not Selby or Chen or Lister’s best friend, Olaf Petersen. It was also revealed in the book that Holly in fact brought Rimmer back because his computer senility meant he had forgotten who Lister’s friends were, and brought Rimmer back simply because they shared a room.
But I digress. The actual quote from Sartre, commonly translated as “Hell is other people”, (in the original French, “L’enfer, c’est les autres”) actually refers to the relation between oneself and the Other, and is not a commentary on the nature of the Other as intrinsically hellish but rather our interactions with the Other (“les autres”) and the way they affect us. Sartre was, after all, an existentialist, regardless of how much his ideas were a simplified non-advancement of those contained within Heidegger’s Sein und Zeit.
However, that is an argument for another time, probably after I’m dead. But returning to my original premise of being a pedantic bastard about your use of French philosophy and sci-fi comedy, it was in fact just a sci-fi reference, as the original reference to 20th century French philosophy was contained in the original Red Dwarf quote. You therefore added nothing to the original except your misquoting, which was then revealed to be an incorrect interpretation anyway.
Sincerely,
Massive Propagating Bee Extinction (formerly known as Jesus Chris, owner of the Kelivinator fridge-freezer combo by Fisher and Paykel)
@ MPBE
If my memory of the book serves me correctly, doesn’t Holly bring Rimmer back because he was the person with whom Lister shared the most words of conversation? Fourteen million, I believe. Don’t recall that bit about his computer senility.
I went to the Red Dwarf convention in Northampton in 1994. I sometimes wake up at night screaming those words.
@ Massive Propagating Bee Extinction
This post made me sad.
I do believe the words, “Holly lied” appear at some point as Holly desperately tries to cover up the fact that he’s going senile and can’t remember anything. That’s not the only point where Holly outright lies as the reliable narrator fills you in on the bits you never got to hear during the TV series, but Holly doesn’t realise how much Lister hated Rimmer. Fourteen million words, and most of those were “smeg off”.
@ MPBE
I manage to link hell, French philosophy and advanced nerdology in one post, and you’re quibbling about the wording? Some folk are never satisfied.
In fact, they do:
There’s a discussion about it from Usenet in 1993 right here. I’ll be horrified if I find out that I participated in it.
In fact, Holly can’t even remember if it’s Sartre that said it…
Welcome to Pedantry, Alabama. Population: you and I.
@MPBE
That was half of them – the other half were Rimmer putting Lister on report for telling him to smeg off. Think that line is from the TV show. Now, don’t get me started on the discrepancies between the two versions…
Yes, really don’t get him started, because the “ASCII facepalm” button in the control panel is remarkably close to the “close comments” button and my aim this morning is being affected by a lack of whiskey.
Some people see a young man expressing horrific rage and a vision of the violence to come.
Some see a depiction of his sexual confusion and a lack of nuture from his mother.
I see a whole lot of transference and this…
http://thecraptastics.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtle.jpg
My work here is done.
Saw the news this morning about the facebook group that had wrongly outed an innocent man as being John Venables, giving his address and inciting people to kill him.
The news reported that the group had been removed, but for the benefit of those vigilantes that don’t use facebook, conveniently went on to name the poor man, and helpfully display his picture in the background.
I just went and looked at the Venables picture and proper lol’d.
I’m around.
My RSS feeds dried up when they changed stuff. Don’t seem to be able to subscribe to individual users any more. Sadface.
The regulars are back on there though.
Look, here’s HYS’s longest-running joke, Peter Sym.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/profile/?userid=2330669
He’s VERY clever and AWFULLY knowledgeable about war.
You’ll like this Nelson.
(We should have hung them when they were ten) && (Killing children is wrong and should be punished by death)
{
throw new LogicException(“WHAT THE CHRIST”);
}
I think my brain has just crashed.
In Nelson’s link, Peter_Sym says quite sane & rational things about the string-em-up tabloid frenzy in re the Venables issue. Is that atypical?
Didn’t read any of his stuff on other pages..