Thanks to Justin for finding “chelsea” reviewing a film on the HMV site.
Rubbish
This film was rubbish as it was in french and i am english!!!!!!
chelsea
Tell me about it. Just last night, I saw a film that was 104 minutes long whereas I’m 6’2″.
My top tip for coping with this kind of shit is to get yourself at least 498 friends on Facebook then join the group “I Love Xmas!”. Puts it all in perspective.
57 Responses to “Rubbish!!!!!”
The only explanation for an IQ that low is that his second name is “bun”. And he’s an actual bun.
or it’s a wind-up.
I think he’s an actual bun.
People who can’t navigate DVD menus and find the subtitle options should be surgically attached to paedophiles.
Somehow I suspect that Chelsea would be even more affronted at the idea of having to READ during a film.
He may be English (not english) but he can’t write it properly.
Ce n’est pas un examen.
I’d love to see the expression on Chelsea’s face when they find out Bruce Lee didn’t really talk like he was doing a voice over for an Old Spice advert.
To be fair*, HMV doesn’t seem to say anywhere that it is in French (unlike Amazon who list it clearly as such) and besides she was only insulting the French, who already hate us, so no harm done.
The 1954 film of the same name sounds much more fun. Give me marauding giant ants over feral French teenagers any day. Also, no subtitles, although our chelsea would probably complain about it being in black and white. What is this? Some sort of art movie?
* – Also, I have a long-standing grudge against HMV, since they once falsely accused me of shoplifting, which inclines me to side with almost anybody against them, even a berk like chelsea.
Vous ecrirez avec perfection pour les examens seulment?
Sacre Bleu!!! C’est seulement avec un autre e, ce n’est pas seulment.
I once went out with a girl who refused to watch Casablanca on the basis that “the special effects are always rubbish in black and white films”.
By way of excuse, she did possess the most spectacular breasts I’ve ever seen.
Any photos?
Name win.
Oaf:
Only in black-and-white line drawings: http://xkcd.com/322/
The 1954 B&W giant ants film is one of my favourites, even though it is an American film and I am English.
But does it have English subtitles?
The last time I was in France I watched a French film with subtitles in French. Not sure why really.
The last time I was in Madrid, I watched an Italian film with Spanish subtitles, and a Portuguese film which was mostly French language with Spanish subtitles. I know why, and it was because it was €2 a ticket.
Chelsea’s review reminds me of the reviews on Lovefilm.com of the ‘Adult’ movies, which are all invariably one-star and say things like ‘BY THE WAY, it should be noted these films are not HARD-CORE.’ What they should say though is
‘Despite my penchant for pornography, I have as yet failed to apprise myself of UK licensing law and as such rented this film AND DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE IT GOING OR ANYTHING.
WASTE OF MONEY. ONE STAR (waiting for ‘no-star’ rating to be available, along with the restoration of the recommend button on HYS).
Disappointed and flaccid, Royal Tonbridge Wells‘
Hmm, Chelsea’s comment on its own, doesn’t make sense. What she/he/it should have said of course is:
“This film was rubbish as it was in French and i am a monolingual English twat”
As am I, it turns out, however, I don’t write fucking dumb film reviews on HMV.com. Which makes it alright.
Looks like I closed my eyes and threw my commas at that comment and hoped for the best. O, well, it’s, too late, now
Wake up people! They’ve been using this so called ‘language’ for years now.
About time it was stopped!!!! If I’m right.
I saw “Us!”, the prequel to the 1954 original and it was rubbish as I’m an ant and the seat in front was blocking my view.
chelsea has some formidable competition for the vacant Film 2011 presenter slot:
Twilight fan-girl
and
err these guys
@ Oaf
No, it didn’t have any subtitles but it did have sub-standard special effects an dreadful acting. And giant plastic ants.
I know Nelson et al. don’t take submissions from the Daily Mail on the fish/barrel principle, so I would like to bring your attention to the comment from “chris, uk” on the “Should filthy gayers be allowed to stay in B&Bs like normal folk” thread.
“I was probably as narrow minded as this stupid woman until my son told me he was gay 2 years ago. He broke down in tears when he told me and I had no idea. He is not camp or effemintate in any way. In fact he is the most funny, caring, talented man you could ever wish to meet and I am not saying that because he is my son. I have two other children who aren’t in his league.”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1259646/Gay-couple-turned-away-guest-house-owner-let-share-bed.html#comments
Mark Commode
What Twilight fan-girl fails to realise is that Jacob Black is in fact not a werewolf at all.
The wolf-pack in the Twilight Saga are in fact actual wolves, whose transformation is stimulated by the presence of vampires.
Clearly – snarf snarf snarf – she must have subsequently realised this in book 4 of the series.
Rest assured that I shall harnessing the interwebs to record my derision of her factually innacurate statement within seconds.
Worst comment …. ever.
p.s. I’ve wasted my life
Mark Commode
I’ve been listening to the Good Fight Ministries videos for about an hour and a half now in the background while working. I’m yet to work out whether or not it’s satire, but it is very bloody funny, in a tragic kind of way. Who wouldv’e thought Hall and Oates were satanists?
The narrator’s ‘cowabunga, dudes!’ type accent only adds to the hilarity.
To top it off, the muppet doesn’t know how to pronounce half the words he’s saying.
That’s actually quite fucking touching and shit. He reminds of that well meaning dad of a gay son from Harry Enfield.
I clicked on the ‘reviewing a film’ link, read Brian from Glasgow’s helpful review, then looked for Chelsea’s but it’s neither the newest or oldest or highest or lowest etc.
Perhaps there’s a ‘most stupid’ button somewhere that I’m not seeing.
Ceci n’est pas un film
@Comic Book Guy
Non, je ne regrette rien.
Someone should remind her that there’ll probably be an American remake soon enough. They’re always better, anyway.
From the ‘two gays have the cheek to think they get the right to walk into any bed and breakfast they want, like a normal person’ article from the Daily Mail:
THEY RUN A FUCKING BED AND BREAKFAST! THEY MADE A CONCIOUS FUCKING CHOICE TO MAKE IT THEIR BUSINESS TO INVITE PEOPLE INTO THEIR PRIVATE LIVES. WERE YOU DROPPED ON THE HEAD AS A CHILD, YOU CRETINOUS CUNT?
Oh, this Peter from Middlesborough got 893 positive ratings with this comment.
Good job there’s no prize for being the thickest cunt around.
Wanna bet?
Comic Book Guy:
Actually, it’s the six pack on Taylor Lautner which is suspect, not the wolf pack. Apparently.
http://tinyurl.com/yj63347
I bet he doesn’t mind homosexuals when it’s two women diddling each other in a porn vid though.
You see what he did there?
DD lesb, rough.
There’s only one ‘o’ in Middlebrough..
Bollocks…and an ‘s’ of course
@kelvin
Dream conclusion to the series. Piers Morgan on…
Skid Row
Crack
Fire
Gary Bushell’s Wife
The Sex Offender’s Register
The Moon With No Spacesuit
@Bugrat
Just like ol’ Chelsea way back up there who saw the words sub tit les on the box and assumed it referred to the contents.
Didn’t bring one actually, it’s getting a bit warm for it.
Piers Morgan on…
… the buses
… life support
… live from Studio 5
@Comic book guy
OI! Did you just spoil the ONE big plotwending the entire Twilight-series has to offer? Great, THANKS A LOT. I was just about to get started in the first book, but NEVER MIND. :”’(
Are you refering to the Swedish chef? I can’t understand a word he says either.
Piers Morgan on…
ice
a stick
a harrowing hallucinogenic trip through his own subconscious
Piers Morgan on…
a bouncy castle that deflates at the last moment to reveal a pit of crocodiles underneath
the road, lying flat in the middle lane of the Hangar Lane Gyratory System
a time-travelling Piers Morgan from the future who has returned to the present in order to be with the only person he could ever truly love: himself.
Jan
Na’h, that’s not really important to the development of the plot (though it would’ve been good not to have been aware of the wolf-pack thing in book 1 and 2).
Piers Morgan on…
The morning after pill?
the top floor of Franlkand prison in an Ian Huntley mask?
I want to play
Piers Morgan on…
…his back with his legs up in the air furiously masturbating so as to try and get his man yoghurt to land all over his own face.
…an operating table surrounded by sniggering medical students as they carve the words ‘cunt’ and ‘fuckstick’ in to his forehead and genetalia with a rusty scalpel.
…the business end of a 4-day PCP binge, covered in his own effluence wearing only his underpants and sobbing uncontrollably as 6 policemen repeatedly fire tasars at him shouting ‘drop the puppy!’
Job seekers allowance?
…a big fucking cross.
…the news, having contracted a rare, incredibly painful, incurable parasite that renders him able to feel pain, scream and remain entirely conscious, but not to move or talk.
…Bodmin Moor, naked, being hunted down by packs of rabid dogs.
…a small tropical island where the only source of drinking water is accessible only by traversing a shoulder-deep river filled with Candiru.
The river being polluted and therefore undrinkable, obviously. And the Candiru being transplanted there from the Amazon specifically for the purpose.
…an express elevator to hell, GOING DOWN!
I watched a film with two women diddling themselves once. It was rubbish because I’m not a lesbian (or a woman).