Thanks to Lucas.
Girish Krishnan wrote:
I believe priests must allow to be married. I may not be an expert on this subject as I don’t belong to the religion. However, I can say one thing for sure. There are some scientific techniques for remaining celibate. It is impossible to remain celibate unless you follow these rules
1) Wake up at 3 am in the morning
2) Avoiding meat, fast food (very important)
3) Physical exercises and constant occupation of the mindIf these are not followed, one must have a will of steel to remain celibate. I anyway doubt the celibacy of 90% of catholic priests
I’m not sure why, but I can’t help imagining that one day, after sleeping in until four, missing a couple of stretches and letting his mind wander, Girish Krishnan experienced some highly distressing feelings while eating a hot-dog.
35 Responses to “Inflame-Grilled Passion”
I was raised Catholic and it can really fuck a person up, not being allowed to have sex before marriage unless it’s with a priest.
This is just unfair. Why am I celibate (not by choice – or at least not my choice) when I don’t follow a single one of those rules?
Girish must just be a player.
I thought they were celibate cos no-one wants to go out with a paedo. Shows how little I know!
I think I have a better scientific method for Girish to stay celibate. It’s science as long as you use a scalpel, right?
PS I realize he wasn’t talking about being celibate himself but I feel it’s in the best interest of mankind and, of course, science.
In short, nobody is closer to God than a vegetarian postman.
Alex, I know my praise won’t mean anything to you whatsoever, but I ought to say: Fucking brilliant.
Oh, I ought to have said what Mirelurk said, too.
I’m with Jones on this one – the only guaranteed method is to chop off your cock…
I like our friend Kadir Buxton’s assertion that due to an error in the pope’s recruitment campaign & an omission in the job description “the church had now attracted the biggest perverts in society”
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/profile/?userid=14359573
“Wanted committed abstainers for top spiritual roles in local communities. Must be committed to abstinance from normal hetrosexual “vanilla” sex.
For an application form please contact the Vatican.
NB: As an equal opportunities employer the Catholic Church would particuarly welcome applications from sodomists, paraphiles, zoophiles & furries.
All meats contain dangerous levels of sex-osterone (that’s a scientific term you might not understand) which can cause the victim to engage in worrying sexual acts.
It’s a true known fact that both John terry and Ashley Cole eat 4 – 5 Pork pies a day, and look at the mess they’re in.
Thankfully, the patented Kadir Buxton method of removing sexosterone (continually dry humping the meat product until you splurge all over it, making it inedible) negates the need to get up early in the morning.
I’ve tried Girish’s rules but something is going wrong for me:
1. I woke up at 3am this morning
2. I drank a carrot and pomegranate smoothie, ate a small tofu salad and completed a fiendish SuDoku.
3. I jogged downstairs to my dungeon and anally raped my imprisoned step-daughter with my willy of steel.
Is there something wrong with the science?
Josef: are you sure it was a carrot and not a oddly shaped Pepperami?
From the looks of the times of posting on big Andy’s BBC comments I’d say he was following Girish’s method anyway.
@ Loumo. Sorry I doubt that & find it impossible to believe that he doesn’t have his own patented technique that involves twating his cock & nads with a meat hammer or some such.
Yeah, but it only works if you do it daily at 3 am, dispose of the remnants appropriately down the back of your radiator, and stimulate your mind by commenting on HYS directly afterwards. Girish was most of the way there, it just needed a few tweaks.
As the Cardinal said to the choirboy.
I’ll get my surplice.
If, like me, you’re in mourning for the demise of Silent Koala’s blog Good After-Morning, I can more or less guarantee a replacement patch that works at Workforced. Assuming you don’t already know about it, of course.
Here’s some bumworthy poetry from the defenders of culture:
http://leejohnbarnes.blogspot.com/2009/09/george-monbiot-lament.html
Lee John Barnes says “COGNITIVE DISSIDENCE, THE MECHANISM OF WARFARE AND SUBVERSION FOR INTELLECTUAL REVOLUTIONARIES”
I say: Pseudo intellectual bullshit for facist cunts.
I’m sorely tempted to tweet that to him.
If by “we” he means “shitty BNP-voting poets” then yes, I agree all the way.
Mr John Barnes should be careful – he has either parodied right-wing twatbaskets so well it is no longer funny nor recognisable as parody, or he is indeed a right-wing twatbasket so extreme that he appears to be a parody of himself.
Either way: B-E-N-D-E-R. Bender.
Louis CK made a documentary about the Catholic Church and their pastoral duties in the community. Well worth watching.
Schroduck:
Or if by “wanted” he means “intelligent and charismatic”.
Is that you? Own up, eh.
With lyrics like that it’s no wonder Imagination were a flash in the pan.
… it’s the 80s snow-wash denim jacket with all the badges, ta…
Heh, wasn’t me Dizzy, although I do like the fact there is only one word spelled incorrectly in anonymous’ post. Apart from the lack of capitalisation it isn’t completely incoherent. I’m choosing to think that the one typo was caused by the rage he was working himself up into.
I have however just posted this (pending moderator’s approval):
Apologies for the double-post, but this one about Saturday Kitchen just had me giggling. From the comments:
@ LaSpesh
I was toying with the Leee John link but instead…
I thought John Barnes would be found on the left wing. Hell of a poet though
You’ve got to hold and give
But do it at the right time
You can be slow or fast
But you must get to the line
They’ll always hit you and hurt you
Defend and attack
Theres only one way to beat them
Get round the back
Catch me if you can
Cos’ I’m the England man
And what you’re looking at
Is the master plan
We ain’t no hooligans
This ain’t a football song
Three lions on my chest
I know we can’t go wrong
Trainspotter’s anorak for me
@SoulBoy: and that was MY second choice!
McGonagall! Thou should’st be living at this hour
“Ye sons of Great Britain, clap the hands on the ends of your arms,
As you read the doggerel written br Lee John Barnes,
Who supports our brave soldiers who go to war wearing khaki,
But really doesn’t like the Muslims and the Darkies.
He believes in the virtues of our ancient pagan culture,
Not for LJB leaving his body outside to be pecked by a vulture,
He wishes to go back to days when there were no black people here,
When women stayed in the kitchen, and wouldn’t dream of going to a pub to drink beer.
To expel all Asians he exhorts us to hurry,
But then he writes about how much he loves a curry
In his mind, his blog is an intellectual delight,
But to anyone possessed of a brain bigger than a hazelnut it’s a bag of unadulterated shite”.
Bless..
@SoulBoy & LaSpesh
Ah, “World In Motion.”
Best football anthem ever.
I’ll get my track-top. It’s the one with “We’re on the march with Ally’s Army” on the back.
@ John Adair’s
Shame on you, how could you possibly overlook “Touched by the hand of Cicciolina”?
Mines the Dulka Prague away kit.
Or indeed the formidable Anfield Rap.
“I’m rapping, I’m rapping, I’m rapping for fun. I’m your goalie, your number one.”
Yep, it’s the Deportivo Wanka one thanks.