Comments on: It’s An Actual Jungle Out There

By: Ashley Highfield's disease-raddled bellend

Ashley Highfield's disease-raddled bellend — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 18:46:58 +0000

Oh bolleaux and Internet fail, that’s not how you quote

By: Ashley Highfield's disease-raddled bellend

Ashley Highfield's disease-raddled bellend — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 18:46:27 +0000

[quote]Sometimes I wonder how I keep from going under.[/quote]

Grandmaster Flash, everybody knows, he leaves a trail of tax cuts wherever he goes…

By: john Adair's Gerbil

john Adair's Gerbil — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 12:40:25 +0000

If we had an actual law of the jungle, then people could go rounf to infinity’s house and nick his stuff, but only if they’re tigers.

By: pigfrottage via Facebook

pigfrottage via Facebook — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:46:52 +0000

http://www.dailyshame.co.uk/2010/03/syphilis-linked-to-worrying-rise-in-facebook-usage/

By: pigfrottage via Facebook

pigfrottage via Facebook — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:33:33 +0000

One example: “I’m no expert but I am sure unprotected sex causes syphilis, not Facebook. Are you sure this man’s a real professor” – Jimberly

LOL

By: Pirate Pete

Pirate Pete — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:57:14 +0000

Oh, and I think Khalid might be an alien whose universal translator has gone a bit wonky – in fact that name looks suspiciously familiar…

By: Pirate Pete

Pirate Pete — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:55:32 +0000

I got crabs last week – Facebook could have been responsible as I had used it that day, but there were about 15 other plausible sources if memory serves…

By: Cab Grunter

Cab Grunter — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:35:18 +0000

The Facebook/STDs thing is currenty being hunted down by Ben Goldacre on his Twitter feed. Turns out the NHS Trust responsible for the press release is refusing to release the raw data because it’ll make them look like idiots.

Sorry, bit serious there.

If there’s a Law of the Jungle it should be administered by Arnie “Run – get to the choppeur!!” Arnoldstacks as one of the only people ever released under paragraph 3, section d).

By: Any Rand will do

Any Rand will do — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:24:12 +0000

Also we need an actual law of the jungle. infinity

Helpfully Kipling set out the complete Law of the Jungle in The Second Jungle Book. It starts as follows:

Wash daily from nose-tip to tail-tip; drink deeply, but never too deep; And remember the night is for hunting, and forget not the day is for sleep.

I suppose a bath and a good day's sleep might reduce reoffending, but possibly not in the vindictive way infinity has in mind. It goes on to say

Keep peace with the Lords of the Jungle — the Tiger, the Panther, the Bear; And trouble not Hathi the Silent, and mock not the Boar in his lair.

Again, a bit more moderate than might have been expected - I mean, Hathi the silent sounds a bit, well, Moslem. And then there's:

When Pack meets with Pack in the Jungle, and neither will go from the trail, Lie down till the leaders have spoken — it may be fair words shall prevail.

Hardly sentiments that would appeal to typical readers of the Daily Mail. Law of the Jungle? A load of liberal PC bollocks, methinks.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:20:39 +0000

pigfrottage You couldn’t make it up. Someone has tried to claim that an increase in the rate of STDs is caused by Facebook. Quick, throw out your PC and hide under your tinfoil hat.

On the contrary, they did make it up. Not entirely, but 99% bullshit is still bullshit. I mean, I wouldn't dare suggest that the largest media organisations in the world are making shit up on a regular basis to get people to go to their fucking website or buy their fucking newspapers, but the shocking reality is that the largest media organisations in the world are actually making shit up on a regular basis to get people to go to their fucking website or buy their fucking newspapers. I'm on Facebook all fucking day. Never got so much as a pubic louse.