Tax The Luxeries (Excl. Cigerattes)
By GainsbourgIt’s Budget time, when pubs and offices throughout the land are filled with people loudly coughing half-chewed lumps of Robert Peston’s opinions in each other’s faces.
How about a tax linked to ones job TYPE regardless of the income but related to benefit to the UK. If it’s a wealth creating job the tax should be less. If it’s a parasitic pseudojob then the tax should be more.
This way in the first category:
surgeons, street sweepers farm workers and drivers (except the driver described below) would pay LESS % tax
and
in the second category:
drug dealers, investment bankers, pirates, minicab lobbyists (as distinct from proper drivers described in the low tax section above), property speculators and loan sharks, would pay MORE % tax on their incomes.
jjs
Thanks to Peter for finding this one. But why stop at drug dealers, loan sharks and pirates? Contract killers, terrorists and highwaymen should also be taxed to the eyeballs. What do they actually contribute to this country? Eh? Mind you, I bet they’d just find ways round it, wouldn’t they?
As for the minicab lobby, they’ve had far too much influence in Westminster for far too long. I was disgusted last year when the Racial and Religious Hatred Act 2006 was amended to exempt taxi drivers. These twats give proper drivers (party bus, monster truck, etc) a bad name.
Yet again the average man in the street has been hit with rises in booze,cigerattes and fuel increases, they work had for ther money all to get it return is it all taken away in tax. We should reduce fuel tax that would cut the average persons cost of living, tax the luxeries such as gambling, bingo, MP’s expenses, Union funds and increase tax on all those earning over £25 per week. Reduce the number of MP’s and local Councillors that would save a fortune. Living abroad is more and more appealing. Trouble is who ever wins the next election will hammer us again and again, why don’t MP’s listen and stick to there agenda of punishing MR AVERAGE
Keith
You can almost see the bitterness dripping, green and viscous, from Keith’s words. For years he’s been watching with mounting resentment as his flash cunt neighbour swans around town, frittering away his £25/wk+ salary on bingo and union meetings, while Keith can barely scrape together the cash for necessities such as booze and fags. Where’s the fucking justice?
Haven’t had time to listen to any of it yet, I have been to work & finished 10pm… so will read it in the papers tomorrow.
EBAYTKMAX
Cheers, mate! Be sure to pop in again and let us know what you thought.
64 Responses to “Tax The Luxeries (Excl. Cigerattes)”
It’s probably not very wise for jjs to smoke. Aside from the widely known health problems, the fact that their head is blatantly stuffed with shredded tabloid papers is also a fire risk.
That’s all very well jjs, but even if the surgeon put his money into a pension fund, which then speculated on the property market he’d still pay LESS tax than you for skullfucking rational debate.
Once they’ve finally been located in the jumble sale that is EBAYTKMAX’s mind, his ideas will mainly consist of last seasons ideas, one off samples that were laughed at, second hand tat he’s been keeping in his loft for years & a couple of orginal looking thoughts, that have actually been knocked up in a South East Asian sweat shop so he can pass them of as his own.
Up up up the cigeratte, lickety-split?
given that his/her/it’s Nomme de plume is EBAYTKMAX, he/she/it obviously has an eye for a bargain, so shouldn’t really complain about taxation etc as he/she/it shops at a discount and therefore pays less tax anyway.
Still a swiveleyed monkey shagging twat basket though.
Thanks Kelvin, now I have to sit and think of a French philosopher based joke to continue the tradition.
I love the utter unworkablyness of taxing pirates and MPs expenses. It’s almost as if they read “What should tax increases be focused on?” as “list your pet peeves”.
Surgeons don’t create wealth. None of the jobs he mentioned are wealth creating except for farm workers, and perhaps drug dealers (if they grow their own supply).
At least he never said nurses, God bless em, angles (sic) the lot ef em.
I made the mistake once of pointing out that a newly qualified nurse earned somewhere around €30,000 or more and thanks to them having degrees now, they rarely shovel shite and wipe up vomit.
Bile, everywhere. Tax the nurses, there you go!
I thought someone would make a cider reference. Hey ho.
What I want to know is, when are they going to start taxing peedos? Nobody would disagree with that.
This is a good idea. The tots would love the nice shiny coins and put them to good use, e.g., throwing them at pets.
Which is more mad here? Adding a comment when the thread is at nearly 1000 or imagining that someone who got in early will have stuck around to read all the subsequent comments?
Well, there are a few cider comments.
As the recipient of a large chunk of tax revenue each year, I’m sure the Queen will be delighted to see Darling’s investment in cider. How’s that?
…although he’s unpopular with the voters these days. When the election comes she might be disappointed to see him lose his deposit in cider.
Do drug barons and Pirates actually fill in a tax return? I wonder what they write off, £200 pounds on bling (workwear), ammunition for AK47 (essential tool for the job).
Is JJS trying to say that we should have some sort of capital gains tax?
I can’t believe anyone earns that much a week.
Isn’t taxing MP’s expenses dangerously meta? I mean, the tax is taken (from where?), dumped into the tax sea, then claimed back on expenses.
And seriously, what kind of fucking name is “EBAYTKMAX”? Every fool knows there’s two “x”s in TK Maxx.
We better tax the ironmonger lobby also.
Same old story. Despite Keith’s reminders, MPs always forget to give Mr Average the fucking-over they promised.
Down here in Cornwall we all spend each and every day blasted off our tits on extra-strong scrumpy and voting UKIP. This rise in tax will mean our children will have to go without clotted cream and pasties and be pimped to NuLiarBore voting Scotch (sic) and Geordie Catholic priests.
Ooh arrrrr!
Own up. Who did this one on the “all unions are communist cocks and should be shot” thread:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/03/rail_strikes_announced_your_re.html
Oh, and Kelvin rules.
I think Vic Reeves did a whole skit about pickling things in cider with his wife. I put a cucumber in cider, and it is my amition to put an organ in cider etc…
Happy days.
ambition. Sorry La Spesh…
Is Snoob suggesting that Idi Amdin stood up for his belief in Dadaism?
Way, way off topic I’m afraid but I believe The Times has fallen victim to a Mike Hunt phonecall style prank. Check the author of the piece “Vienna Boys’ Choir caught up in sex abuse scandals”
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article7065824.ece
@ Soulboy
Class. Simply class.
I just enjoy the idea that the idiots think that the tax system is there simply to hammer the people they disapprove of rather than to raise enough money to keep the country going, a minor concern that they seem to have forgotten about as they pursue their many and varied grudges.
A bit like that bit in Peep Show – “No, I’m going to have YOU sectioned”.
As I recall the Vic Reeves “In Cider” thing was a parody of a Noel Edmonds format. Bob Monkhouse was wearing a lumpy, flesh-coloured bodystocking and that was enough to have me laughing.
Sorry. I even bored myself then.
Didn’t bore me Pete, I’m smiling just remembering it. “Look, a picture of me, looking very slightly different!”
*Of course, when I say Bob Monkhouse I do of course mean Bob Mortimer…shit
Keith keeps telling himself he’s “MR AVERAGE”.
You’re really not mate. That little thing’s like a fleshy thimble or an embarrassed button mushroom.
@Petpete
When I say Bob Hoskins I meant Bob Hope.
Or Bob Holness.
… I fucking forgot now.
Unless it’s one of you lot playing Daily Mail golf, then there is a bona fide ‘if you love it so much’ comment on Littepricks newest excuse for journalism:
“To :H langford, Wolverhampton West mids
If you like Communism so much, MOVE TO RUSSIA!!!!! It doesn’t work there, it won’t work here! It doesn’t work anywhere. Too many fat cats at the top, just like the Labour Party.
I for one don’t want to live in Communist state thank you very much, it’s not what my fore fathers fought for, indeed it’s not what I served this Country for either.”
SBuckland, Helensburgh
Capital letters and numerous exclamation marks and everything. You couldn’t make it up.
oh, and everyone should follow that link to The Times article. wow
POE ON KEITH.
Ignoring the mangled grammar and the £25/£250 confusion, he says:
… followed by:
SURELY nobody who isn’t a parody of a stupid shit would fail to spot the contradiction there?
@SoulBoy: I’ve Facebooked that Times article and I’m going to make sure as many people as possible see it before it’s changed. Fucking priceless.
Theregister was laughing at it at 10:56am
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/26/boys_choir/
@Mirelurk
If you like Facebook so much…
@Cab Grunter
Great, now you’ve got the Baker Street sax solo stuck in my head now.
This is the funniest post since Jeremy Beadle’s massive eye. One hundred pounds a month, I ask you…
What the hell has happened to my ability to blockquote….
@Schroduck:
It’s an anagram of “KY BETAMAX”, if that helps.
Fuck me.
Its crap in here.
FYI that’s a fake Nelson above. I reckon it’s probably jjs.
Which one of you subvertive monsters planted this on the Times choir boy chuckleathon:
Yes, that’s 15 recommendations my good folkses.
@ Kelvin
Yeah, trademark lack of basic punctuation.
Why is it that the HYS molesters can either only write in spitting bullet point style, or rambling stream of consciousness?
Because the use of proper punctuation and flowing prose are signs that you enjoy writing, and that marks you down as one of those fuckin’ intelectal eleets what doesn’t understand the common man. Your opinion only carries weight on HYS if it looks like the keyboard dragged it kicking and screaming from your fingers.
That’s quite an assumption, Kelvin. He might really be a chap called Nelson. He might have been looking for something’s crap, and in his excitement at finding it, he forgot the ‘is’, hence ‘its crap (is) in here). And he wants us to fuck him.
Punctuation fail! The shame…
@Pigsy – I think it might be my finest (and only) achievement that even when I’m not here, my petty pedantry has the effect of making certain amongst us self-regulating
I can’t bear to check HYS to find out how many people are making Wurzels ‘jokes’ about the increase in cider prices.
73
Ah. So he’s still bitter that Sony never let the porn companies use Beta, I guess?
What a load of wankers you all are. Have you ever thought about doing something constructive with your lives rather than reading my shit all the time?
Worthless cunts.
“flash cunt neighbour”
Any judicious use of the C word always scores highly and this is a fine example.
See, I’d have believed this if it had been Alex.
It reads very much like the work of Rhys Jaggar to me.
It’s been a while since a really good moron has tried to get the Internet Comment Task Force to censure us by sending us a very well-worded email by a definitely professional legal person. I wish that would happen again.
Oh and while I remember, enjoy The Daily Mail Song. It’s absolutely true.
What with the recent tax hikes on crack and smack, it’s getting harder and harder for an honest drug dealer to make ends meet.
That said, if I can keep shifting this meow meow to the local 12 year olds, I might hit the £25 a week supertax bracket yet!
Nelson,
So it’s a sort of a “I’m Nelson and so’s my wife” moment from Rhys, again.
That has to be the most pitiful thing I have ever seen.
In his defence, Rhys is an outsider rebel who has probably enraged the CIA. You can’t underestimate how important that makes his views.
It is only a short step from here to…. Ronan Keating!
Are you TB in disguise?
I’m waiting for the day the internet wants to impersonate me. On that day, I think I’ll have Made It, and I’ll Fucking Retire To A Coffin.
Drug dealers would pay more tax? And I suppose they’ll be suggesting a rise in VAT on Class A drugs to go with it.That should raise tax revenue from drug dealing from nothing to… well, umm, nothing.
Oh well, at least the Inland Revenue can honestly claim to have a consistent record on drug dealing.