The BBC has asked “What sequel would you like to write?” and, as usual when books are mentioned, the gnomes have largely misheard this as “What’s that book you heard of on here once that you think might be all about how New Labour are radical socialists and about how that’s, like, really, really bad? Something by Orwell? Nineteen-eighty-farm was it?“.
It’s not all bad though. Thanks to Tony and Stephen for finding some proper intellectuals on there.
My sequel would be 2084 the sequel to Orwell’s 1984. In 2084 The party would be replaced by The Council of Imams – for England is now an Islamic state and its government is a tyrannical theocracy. Orwell’s proles are replaced by us infidels, and the hero of the original would be replaced by Gemma Smith a women in her early 30s who tries to rebel against the suffocating life imposed on her by the Councils strict application of Sharia law.
I might even have a stab at really writing this.
Chazz Trinder
It’s such a great idea that I’m surprised nobody thought of it 25 years ago, wrote the book, and then won loads of awards. But why “Gemma”? I reckon, if you’re going to use her as a transparent space where you can put a “Vote BNP” sticker, you should call her:
Ofsomedickwhoshouldmaybereadacouplemorebooksbeforeattemptingtowriteone.
Not so much a sequel, but a spiritual successor to Martin Amis’s ‘Time’s Arrow’. It was a World War II story told in reverse. If he was up for it, I’d love to see him attempt it once more.
BulletMonkey
It could start off with everyone saying “Yeah, it’s not very good is it?”. Then he could slowly erase everything he’s written, word by word, until he only has good books left and everyone notices he’s stopped being a racist.
28 Responses to “Twatwood”
You mean like… take a book that’s been written backwards and then maybe write that backwards… resulting in a book that’s written forwards? BulletMonkey is really messin’ with my brain here
Is there a link to this debate – can’t find on HYS front page.
No HYSer has ever read The Handmaid’s Tale though. I mean, it’s all about how a world where women are subjugated and Christianity is the law would be a bad thing. Unless perhaps some HYSer missed the political subtext and just thought it was porn aimed at people with his rather specific interests.
Re: Time’s Arrow spiritual successor.
How about BulletMonkey’s life in reverse? You start with a gurning chimp at a computer, then reverse back (x)years to the denouement of his dad wanking into a goldfish bowl.
It’s not too difficult to imagine Chazz Trinder drunk as a lord, dressed in a burkha with his cock in the Sunday joint cursing why he became a middle-management nobody instead of an inspirational writer who would one day motivate the white English people to oust the forriners from this sceptred isle.
It may not be difficult, but neither is it very pleasant. Please think about others before planting such images.
Stop press – mephedrone is in the news…
Most of the comments seem fairly reasoned but this one stuck out:-
Where are you, Cuger? It’s your time to shine!
I hate the way HYSers always quote Nineteen Eighty-Four. It such a shame because it’s a good book but I feel embarrassed to admit that I’ve read it, thanks to these arseholes.
Also, not really on topic, but I’ve discovered possibly the most batshit person on YouTube. Check out their videos – if this isn’t the YouTube channel of the average HYSer, I don’t know what is:
http://www.youtube.com/user/fourwayscottage#p/u/377/8BIFq3Wtyrs
I’ve recently noticed a few ‘people’ writing things about modern surveillance and police states along the lines of ‘ORWELL MUST BE SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE!!!’. This makes me laugh (the kind of laughter that soon turns to hunched sobbing), because the delicious irony is that, as anyone who’s read his magnificent Politics and the English Language knows, if Orwell is indeed spinning in his grave, the only reason he’s doing so is that these dreary clichemongers are trotting out such hackneyed arse-spill as phrases like ‘SPINNING IN HIS GRAVE’.
Hmmm, re my post above – maybe that’s not irony at all. I’ve been subjected to too much second-hand Alanis Morrisette to be able to tell any more.
Surgeon General’s warning: passive Alanis Morrisette can give you irony cancer.
@773: I thought “Orwell would be proud” was more common, usually spouted by people who have only heared about his books and are under the impression that he advocated what he wrote about. Cunts.
Also, is it just me or is Chazz Trinder the sort of chav name associated with a benefits-hoovering, alcopop-swilling, work-shy, knifecriming personage as usually described by the Telegraph and the Mail? HMMMMM?
773 (metric)
[blockquote]Surgeon General’s warning: passive Alanis Morrisette can give you irony cancer.[/blockquote]
In God we rust, perhaps?
Is irony really delicious? Or does it just taste like you’ve bit your tongue really, really hard?
@Schroduck:
The Handjob’s Tale, amirite?
Ok, I’m not.
They should read Orwell’s “the Road to Wigan Pier”, shows what we were all fighting for in WW2, the freedom to work down the pit 60 hours a week for just enough money to survive another week.
Damn that Hitler for fighting for the workers democratic party, getting decent rights for non Jewish nationals.
If you want a picture of the future, imagine an endless horde of hateful, low-brow reactionary fuckheads stamping on democracy forever.
How about a prequel to Have Your Say ?
Something like … Ponder Some Thoughts ?
Nah, stupid idea!
Tim, the trick to being “nice but dim” is that you have to be nice as well as dim. If you can’t manage that how about a nice long walk off Wigan Pier?
I am not sure much pondering is involved prior to the having of says but a prehistoric prequel could be called Grunt Your Grievances or Ugg Your Umbrage and would feature our hairy, indigenous ancestors hitting each other with rocks and blaming interlopers from the next village for the ever advancing glaciers.
I must admit, when I think of Hitler the first concepts that come to mind are democracy and human rights. Just not in the way that they do for Tim.
Fucking pathetic
I leave you kids alone for a couple of hours and this is all you can come up with?
Eat my shit you bunch of cunts
I think that the ghost of Oscar Wilde has somehow crossed the void back into our world.
If I’m right.
Multiple Nelsons share one arsehole?
I think I’ve got that movie downloaded somewhere.
“Nelsons’ Arsehole
Fucking pathetic
I leave you kids alone for a couple of hours and this is all you can come up with?
Eat my shit you bunch of cunts”
/*clutches handbag up to chest
Ooooooooooooh! Get you!
“My sequel would be 2084 the sequel to Orwell’s 1984. In 2084 The party would be replaced by The Council of Imams – for England is now an Islamic state”
Too late. Anthony Burgess did something very like this in a book called 1985, only with a lot of harumphing about trade unions.
Advancing glaciers are just a one world shamen conspiracy to tax us into submission. It got cold many moons ago but the chariot of the gods returned to melt the ice. It’s just a natural phenomena, and anyway the glaciers haven’t advance for days now, so it must be rubbish. Also, the glacier measurements have all been tampered with by the beardier librul shamen. yOU COULDN’T MAKE IT UP!
@ Schroduck – The Handmaid’s Tale is one of my favourite books funnily enough – the movie isn’t that bad either.
As ever, HYS mouth-breathers manage to display a lack of literary knowledge. Someone’s already written a sequal to 1984, dealing with immigration. It’s even, helpfully, given a similar title: 1985.
Unfortunately it’s written by Athony Burgess, who can string a sentence together, and it doesn’t come with extra-large font and helpful pictures. It does bitch about the unions and the state of education though, so you’d have thought one of these geniuses would have made the effort to misquote it.