Stick to Experiments Where You Know What Happens
By AlexThanks to PY. On the Big Swiss Apocalypse Donut.
Posted by: Trevor on March 30, 2010 9:00 AM
I wish these people wouldstop “experimenting” with things they admit they don’t understand. Nobody knows what the consequences might be if those beams are made to cross.
But of course that’s what they’re going to do, Trevor. Abhorrent as it sounds, the four-eyed eccentric science professors at the LHC actually want the beams to cross. Timid, bookish nerds with glasses look out for their own, and if it means Sigourney Weaver might stick her tongue down Rick Moranis’ throat, they don’t give two shits if a dirty great marshmallow eats New York.
81 Responses to “Stick to Experiments Where You Know What Happens”
Trevor makes a good point. I’m off to drop weights of different sizes off the Leaning Tower of Pisa, to see if gravity still works properly. After that I might have a look for the luminiferous aether.
Total protonic reversal…
You should never cross beams with another man, that’s how you catch Gay (unless you’re furiously thinking of women).
Sorry, all boys school flashback…
I felt my fucking brain spasm at this.
Do you think HYS moderators have to be changed every couple of weeks after witnessing all this idiocy before they are found hunched in a corner in their underwear, crying, rocking back and forth and gibbering incoherently?
@RIPOFFBRITAIN
I would think that after a while of continously moderating and sifting through the festering pile of twattery that is HYS that Moderators gradually begin to turn into an HYS poster. Its slow at first but gradually you see the normal clothes being replaced by tweed trousers and a sweatervest complete with st george badge. The hair begins to fall away until your left with clumps of matted hair from where theyve pulled it out in abject rage. And finally, their voice becomes an arrogant whine filled with pedantary and a sense of righteous indignation. This all culminates at the next full moon when they join their bretheren outside a local BNP meeting and join in howling at the moon: “a stranger in my own countrrryyyyy”.
The only cure is a bullet made out of a copy of the guardian fired directly into the arsehole which is where most of the diesease and symptoms come from. Even then its tricky as the host may just reject the lefty loving, soft heart liberal antidote.
I’ll get my widely imaginative coat.
“It’s the beginning of a new era of physical exploration.”
That’s what she said…
If Trevor was in charge then banging rocks together would have been punishable by something very nasty, possibly involving Bears.
I crossed the streams once. Bloke standing next to me at the urinal was not impressed.
Well thank fuck Trevor is not, and never will, be in charge of anything other than the crusty wank-sock he keeps under his pillow.
Ok, who suggested that they were looking for a small piece of God?
jAG’s Internet Rule Number One:
If you can’t spell, don’t comment on science. You plainly slept through your school years, so shut the fuck up.
@RIPOFF BRITIAN
You can rest easy old son – this particular (fnaar fnaar!) piece of non-cognitive tw@basketry came from Sky News, our very own answer to Fox.
Methinks the very fact that there are numerous sites offering a platform for twatery that is no grounds to rest easy at all.
Christ, it was going so well until i decided to edit the last part. Now look at what happened: i’m a twat.
I’ll go punch myself in the dick now, if you don’t mind.
God (particle) almighty, that thread makes me ashamed to be a physicist, if this is what people think we do all day.
Yeah, but at the same time, ramming things together also gave us table tennis, drum solos and dogging. It’s all about cost/benefit.
Sadly I’ve never been able to find the “throw them all in a particle collider” option on my voting paper.
Oh my life, these two are prime examples of why first cousins should not marry,
Ok you say,at first glance, not bad, slightly hippy, but then to get an endorsement from a foil hatted fully paid up twatbasket,
.
Damn, TBitC, our comment beams seem to have crossed.
Anyway, without dragging us too far off topic, one more manifesto pledge.
How do I join this campaign?
The God Particle has dragged out all the religious nutjobs but bless GreatAmericanMom who is holding out for a different saviour altogether -
Unless of course the cool kids are now playing a game of slipping in Genesis (disambiguation – the band, not the book) quotes
God only knows why some people like ‘jerome webber’ have to capitalise nearly every word of their misinformed paranoid diatribes. What’s the point? Surely it can’t be due to typing in haste. Oh Well If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them.
It’s obvious that Jerome Webber never paid attention in school – he doesn’t know that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Tsk tsk – F minus, young man! Hardly going to impress the public with your damning critique of science if you make schoolboy errors like that, are you?
(Go easy on me, I’m new. I’m a persistent lurker, but I’ve never had the guts to post before).
@ Joss Ackland’s Spunky Backpack
Except for his own name, confusingly.
@soulboy
I want to know what plant the heroic cutie is saving? And why do we need Superman? Is he a particularly good botanist?
I always think `living life to the full’ is funeral shorthand for `getting rag-arsed every day’
Well?…… Does it still work?
We all need to know.
Except tachyons, of course.
Except that tachyons haven’t been seen outside of star trek.
@ new scientist
Well done for plucking up the courage, it didn’t hurt that much did it? Now you’ve done it once, it will be easier the next time-as the actress said to the bishop (fnarr fnarrr)
Still work? Round here the bastard gets stronger every fucking day. Its not fair. This is why I support any form of basic scientific research that might lead to the discovery of a method for producing anti-gravity pies, preferably with negative calories and a nice gravy. I will be most disappointed if the Higgs Boson doesn’t come in shortcrust pastry.
I’m not sure I approve of all this talk of a Haggis Bosun, pie or no pie.
Mmmmmmm….. Pie!
Didn’t he serve on the Comorants Clunge?
@new scientist
Actually, the rule is that nothing can accelerate past the speed of light. In theory, something like a tachyon can exist, as they are always moving faster than the speed of light.
According to relativity, this means they’re actually existing backwards in time. Sort of like your average HYSer’s brain.
I’ll get me lab coat…
So
Ello, ello, what do we have here?
I do hope you’re not reproducing any posts that may be contrary to the Digital Economy bill or we may have to Shut You Down for being a Very Naughty Boy.
Every single post illegally copied is causing thousands of pounds worth of losses from Proper British Business.
These are worthy opinions, I’ll have you know, and if you carry on using them without permission many Decent, Hard-Working Pillars of the Community will be losing out on the ad revenue that they bring in from those who legitimately want some advice.
And then how can these Decent, Hard-Working Pillars of the Community afford to tell us the truth?
You’ll be hearing more of this.
@ALEX
It’s “pedantry”.
Sorry, Couldn’t resist. I’ll go and get my coat now.
Christ, this election HYS is more HYSy than any of the other HYSs. Look at this shit.
@tw@basket.com
Ah yes – doesn’t physics predict that every particle has an antiparticle, and that when the two collide they both vanish in a puff of smoke (minus the puff of smoke)? Now, if the LHC finds the anticalorie that will really win over the general public. “Scientists Work in The Service of Man” indeed.
I hate to be the one to break this to everybody, but Higgs Boson is ‘Smokey Bacon’ in Welsh.
Certain parts of me are Welsh, which makes that statement true.
Talking of CERN and that, did anyone see the Independent story about turning the Circle Line into a Hardon Collider? Amusing posts from fucktards who didn’t realise the date, claiming it’d be a waste of tax payers money.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/hadron-collider-ii-planned-for-circle-line-1932744.html
I can’t make the underline link thing.
@newscientist, tw@basket
More on these elusive negative calories.
I think Trevor is concerned that they might accidentally create a kind of bat-signal for Jesus and induce the rapture before he gets laid.
Argh, that “jerome webber” mousefelcher reads exactly like a cunt called “amanfrommars” on well known Daily-Mail-for-Windows-admins site theregister.co.uk.
Oh he annoys me, with his eyebleeding and pretentious arsecandling. We wants to smash it, yes…
THE BEAMS HAVE BEEN RAPED !!
Where’s the PC brigade now HUH?? HUH?? Where’s the bleeding-heart pinko-commie muslim marxist left when SCIENCE horribly and brutally RAPES beams? oh beams are not women so that makes it ok huh?? HUH??
TELL ME!!
I fancy Dr Brian Cox and bustin’ makes me feel good – what’s not to love about CERN?
Oh yes, good old Haggis the bosun, we had to make him walk the plank I’m afraid. There are certain activities that are unacceptable even on the Cormorant’s Clunge, and I simply won’t have my bagpipes interfered with in that fashion.
And, on another point, any good cockney knows that the Circle line is now the Wonky Spiral line, with even shittier levels of service…
I see no-one has stooped low enough to mention colliding large hardons (until now).
But seriously, what would happen if the particles did that tourist thing and got on a Metropolitan Line train by mistake? Would Uxbridge be turned into a massive black hole and how would they detect the difference?
The joke’s on you and the Indy, if it was posted at 12 noon on 1st April – as every schoolboy knows, April Fooling is only good until lunch.
Hence, in the olden days, newspapers that ran a front page April fool would only do it on the first edition.
I may have made that last bit up, but at least it sounds possible. In fact, I didn’t make it up. It’s true. With that in mind, the first person to get that into the Wikipedia or the h2g2 articles on April Fools and cites this as the reference wins a prize.
It might even be a higginbottom. You never know.
@Dizzy
The bit “[ Added at noon on 1 April: Before you read, check the date! ] ” was added at noon, the article was posted at midnight, unless the people who commented on it had somehow got hold of those elusive tachyons.
From the comments on the Circle Line article:-
So it is. The joke would be on me, but April Fool is plainly over now.
jerome webber’s comment sounds like an invocation of his own jizz murmured during a murder-wank.
YOU ARE MEDDLING WITH POWERS YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY COMPREHEND
BBC News Editor: “We need a rent-a-quote for the end of a story about how ANYONE can stand for election, how do we find the views of the common man?”
HYS Mod “Hold on, I’ve got just the man…”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/election_2010/scotland/8609594.stm
Oh, Andy:
200. At 04:48am on 15 Apr 2010, Andy Kadir-Buxton wrote:
During the Thatcher years the Prime Minister had an ear piece in constantly and people with a high I used to tell her what to say all the time. As the BBC are not guaranteeing that this will not happen again I do not believe what I am seeing.
Really? Did you really, Andy?
@Mary
Just to leap to dear old Andy’s defence here Mary, but I believe he has missed out the “Q” from “IQ” here, which would make the sentence grammatically correct.
I wouldn’t have put it past him though. My first thought was that he might have meant people “on a high”
Andy Kadir-Buxton frequently got high (i.e. hit himself on the head) and talked to Thatcher. Usually through crumpled photos of her cut from the Daily Mail.
@Schroduck
No way is dear old Andy a Mail reader. He wants everyone to be happy and considerate. He wants to make things better, not worse.
Incidentally, other than the UKIP stuff which is plain mental, all of the election literature I’ve had through the door has stressed how much the parties in question want to make things better and not worse, and how they’re in favour of good things and against bad things. How do I decide between these paragons of improvementyness? They’ve not mentioned cheese preferences anywhere as far as I can see.
@Cab Grunter:
Relax, we know perfectly well what we’re doing.
@Loumo
Really? The Labour leaflet that came through my door said that Gordon Brown promised to personally move 500 terrorists into my house, poo on Diana’s grave and pay a hoodie to beat up my gran. You must be in a swing seat.
Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back. And shorten your stream. I don’t want my face burned off.
@Friendly Viking
No. That was the HYS edition (I’ll get my coat myself, don’t worry).
The brave bravery of our brave soldiers makes me so proud and brave. They eat bravely, they sleep bravely and I’m so proud that every one of them is a bravely brave hero. With extra bravery.
On the contrary, Nick Clegg is furious about processed cheese.
He’s got my vote.
I’m going a little off the topic here but our old friend EBAYTKMAX is at it again, this time from the HYS pot of poo on how important is broadband.
Does he have charts for everything in his house? Life there must be a riot, especially when his daughter tots up the totals on her chart on ‘how many times a day my dad is a twat’.
Especially since I got some Viagra off of teh interfloobs.
Ahh, good old EBAYDIXONSTESCOMAX, when will he/she/it/them learn!
I would give, literally, at least five pence to see a HYS topic titled “What are your opinions on the Iceland Volcano” so I can, literally, laugh my tits off as TKMAXSAINSBURYS launches into yet another un-coordinated rant about how the volcanic ash is clogging up his/their/its internet and he/she/them cannot purchase goods online from their favourite shops anymore. It would, quite literally, set my eyeballs on fire and cause me to fall into a coma due to the mirth factor.
Although having said that, if volcanic ash does clog up the internet, there wouldn’t be any more unfealibly corrosive rants from POUNDSTRETCHERWAITROSEMILLETS and their ilk. Oh frabjous, joyful day indeed! Bring on the ash
Bet she didn’t use ‘mean’,I can think of a few words, but mean is not one of them.
I noticed. Wish you wouldn’t.
He has passion for cheese in his blood.
@RIPOFFBRITAIN
Should we be sending them messages of support disguised as posts? “Moderator: No need to publish this, it’s just to let you know we’re thinking of you. We know the stupid, it burns.”
A high concentration of miniBabybels?
Cut him open and he bleeds red (leicester).
Are any of the main parties pledging to be tough on cheese and on the causes of cheese?
Especially foreign, benefit-stealing cheese that comes over here to spread dairy fundamentalism with the aim of overthrowing all we hold dear and turning Britain into a lactic state?
On the plus side, you can still use HYS to look up everything John Adair has written at once.
On the down side, you have a monitor filled from top to bottom with things John Adair has written.
Maybe we need to infiltrate the leaders TV debates and ask them for their cheese-related opinions. It’s too important a factor to ignore but the mainstream media are seemingly determined to neglect it. They’re violating my right to know David Cameron’s opinions on Jarlsberg. Curse them and their conspiracy.
Sorry, the pills should be here in a minute and I’ll be fine after that.
I’ve heard he’s not keen. He has however, on more than one occasion, publicly confessed to a fondness for me.
You might find the pills are in your coat?
@It’s Full of Racism
Thanks to you, I just read that John Adair fought in Gulf War I. Me, I think he’s confusing “in” with “at the same time as, with myself, in the street. Ge’faaaahh!!! GE!!!! FAAAHHHHH!!!! CUNT!”
@ Dizzy
Concerning the “pills are in your coat” comment @ Loumo.
I must say, what a zing. To tell one to get their coat, rather than allow them to make their own “I’ll get my coat” jest, is about as viscious as I’ve ever seen this thread get.
Concerning EBAYTKMAX, I’m suprised how ambiguous the posts are concerning gender. Has anyone braver than me read through his/her comments to clarify? I think it needs to be done. I need to know when I’m reading the posts whether I should imagine kicking them in the testes or the fallopians. It’s important.
It’s just about standardisation. I’m a Europhile, you know.
By the way, does “viscious” mean “aggressively runny”?
@Schroduck
Did anyone else read this as photos of Thatcher’s cunt from the Daily Mail?
Surely the whole point of a particle accelerator is that the “beams” do cross?