A pointless scrabble to whinge
By DizzyThey’re changing the rules of Scrabble.
Fucking hell. NO! NOT SCRABBLE! RUN FOR THE HILLS! SAVE YOURSELVES! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST! Quickly followed by a bunch of puffy knobheads.
Yet another example of: (chose at least one from list below)
-Political Correctness gone mad
-Broken Britain
-Falling education standards
Fade ‘n’ Die (No Relation to Shake ‘n’ Vac)
You forgot “You couldn’t make it up”, “All the more reason to vote BNP” and “Mattel is an American company.” Never mind though, at least you’re still resolutely Anglo-centric, like Miss Terri Poster:
In my household, the word MATTEL will not be allowed in any game.
It would never have happened when J W SPEAR & SONS PLC was [English] guardian of the game…
Miss Terri Poster
Absolutely. Those were the days, eh? Those halcyon days of yore, when men were men and women were women, when gay meant happy and you could rape your wife. Ah, yes, back in the 50s, when being English was a state of mind and it didn’t matter if you were a German-American Jew – you could still be English, too! Well, it’s either that lovely multicultural vision of inclusivity, or we have to face the prospect that Miss Terri Poster is just a puffed-up fartbubble who’s just all too ready to blurt out crap on the basis of “it stands to reason” and “common sense”. And like changing the Scrabble rules, I’m just not ready to accept that.
I don’t think Miss Terri Poster should worry – after all, she’ll still be able to rigidly control what words her children put down, while insisting that strict adherence to the rules is “all part of the fun”. And she’ll still be able to “accidentally” knock the board and ruin the game when someone gets a triple word score with a Z. After all, that stuff isn’t in the rules, but it’s in the English spirit of things – just like storming out in a huff when your eleven year old finds jobation in the OED after you’ve sat there for five minutes blocking dictionary access while insisting that’s not possibly a word, lamenting the standards of education in today’s society and how all these exams are just getting easier, and what exactly do you learn in Gordon Brown’s education system, how to cheat your way through your exams…
Well, at least no-one could divert a discussion on Scrabble to suggest that Islam is going to rise up and take over the world, and do it in a manner that barely conceals the author’s petulant racism.
The makers of the game should ban the word pachyderm as it contains the prefix “pachy” which is insulting to our beloved masters in the new mother country.
varnayfan
Oh.
90 Responses to “A pointless scrabble to whinge”
Wonder how many of them actually play (or even own) a copy of scrabble?
The acronym “RACI” should also be banned because, oh, well you can see where I’m trying to go with this..
Oh no! 404 Page not found! I can’t put the comments in context to understand the full bellendary at work here. I wonder if Google bothers caching this rubbish somewhere?
Phew, found it: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/04/should_the_rules_for_scrabble.html.
Link fixed, ta.
Oh dear Lord:
So that’s them told eh.
Yeah, a slap round the back of the head with the board for the double word score for ‘fart’,'fiddle’ and ‘fornicate’, there will be no rude words in this game children.
Don’t play scrabble. Play Take Two:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrabble_variants#Take_Two
Once you’ve tried it you’ll never go back to classic scrabble. It’s so much better.
I hope the new rules allow for the use of the word ZZZQQXQZ.
Christ, that Wikipedia article is like…
…well, let’s just say if I looked up “anal retention” in Wiktionary, it’d probably link to that article. And then to that HYS. And probably something about enemas and absorption.
That’s nothing, you should see the revamped chance cards in monopoly:
Apparently as well they’ve changed the iron playing peice to a youth hoodie knifecriming an old lady in the back.
What does ‘twatbasket’ score?
I’m trying to figure out what varnayfan is talking about. What is a pachy? Pasha, as in Ottoman Empire Pasha? Help.
ps. No actual humour in this post, sorry.
pps. Still thick as two short planks, though.
They also said that Cluedo was problematic, what with killing Dr Black at the start of every game, and most of the suspects being coloured (with one token White).
Chess must really fuck them up.
“The black players can go wherever they want, the poor white (NOT ivory!) pieces have to stay where the are. Where’s my grant McBrooon ?”
Dribble.
I’m still giggling like a giddy goon over the variation of Scrabble called ‘Snatch’.
I didn’t even get as far as the rules…
“Pachy” was already banned as it’s offensive to thick people.
Oh, look: http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2010/04/07/con-scrabble-trickster.html
So they’re not even changing the rules of Scrabble. They’re just introducing a new, similar-but-not-identical game called Trickster.
What a waste of HYS opinions
Incidentially, from that article,
…which are all the ingredients of a good opinion.
Why on earth would these people think they had to follow the new rules anyway?
e.g.
“Excuse me, you have to push the chess pieces around with your nose now.”
Really? REALLY? You can fuck right off.
“Alright then.”
Because that’s what being English (not British) is about – if it’s broke, don’t fix it, just complain about it instead.
There’s no point doing things the way that makes (common) sense to you if other people are free to do otherwise; your way must be the official, government-mandated correct way and everybody else must be exactly like you.
I know, it’s terrible, isn’t it. But then again, it did give people a chance to get all fluffed up and erect about fuck all, and at the end of the day that’s what I don’t pay my licence fee for.
Not as much as TWATBASQUET.
“Pachy was already banned as it’s offensive to thick people.”
Mother of fuck. Are you serious? How would thick people know that pachy is the Latin or Greek or something for thick? They’re thick!!
Fuck’s sake, Lurk. I can only conclude that you’re not pronouncing “pachy” right. Otherwise you’d have realised that it’s offensive to people with bald spots, dying lawns or amusingly-shaped birthmarks.
The next time I play Scrabble, out of fear of insulting Varnayfan, I won’t play “prickle”, “twitch”, “cockroach”, “shitake” or “fuckingracisttwatertarian”.
Or perhaps I’ll just bury him in a pile of dogshit covered Doc Martens.
Those interested in what can and cannot be played on that innocent Scrabble board will glean some enjoyment from this:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/11/weekinreview/11fatsis.html
@Newt – thanks. I was indeed pronouncing it in a way that I cannot now explain without potentially offending someone.
I didn’t realize scrabble was an institution. We must all write to our local Tory MPs and demand tax breaks for people who play by the original rules!
This post assumes that all HYS opinions are not a waste by definition.
Wrong. FACT. END OF.
varnayfan does have a point though. The Middle East (presumably what he meant, although he could have just been talking about all brown people) does have an almost colonial attitude to the West, what with their financial exploitation of poorer western countries, their support and funding of oppressive western regimes that share their interests, juxtaposed with their unwanted and disastrous military interventions in regimes that criticise them, all the time claiming to be bastions of fairness and democracy.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I come to see the Middle East as decadent, self important and oppressive, and I realise vernayfan isn’t a hippo’s infected anal passage, but is actually a kind of hero. The kind of hero who, even as beloved institutions like Scrabble come crashing down about him, still fights for the people in this world who were unfortunate enough to be born white and affluent in a downtrodden country like Britain. May Allah bless him.
Aren’t HYS opinions limitless? In any case, in what sense can you be said to “waste” the output of a semi-sentient vegetable flailing at a computer keyboard whilst accidentally connected to the interflue?
Enough of your blasphemy, Rotwatcher. They may appear limitless, but every single one was conceived and nurtured in the warm, moist void between a HYS commenter’s ears. Every one is sacred. It’s an insult to everything my grandfather fought for when good British brainpower goes into commenting on a story which isn’t even true.
Um, is it possible that the first HYSayer, Fade n’Die, might have been taking the piss out of exactly what he/she is accused of being? Sounds to me like just pre-empting the inevitable drivel from the likes of varnayfan.
[Major Bloodnok]
I say! Is that the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation accusing Fleet Street’s finest of “shoddy journalism”. The unmitigated cheek of these colonials. If they weren’t subjects of the Crown I’d have a damn good mind to send a gunboat. No. Dash it all. Send a gunboat anyway. I don’t care if they are right. This is a matter of principle.
[/Major Bloodnok]
Let me guess, similar enough to use the same tiles and a board than can be made in the same factory but just different enough that gullible morons will feel required to buy both in order to play both games. Lets hope that nobody realises that you can make up whatever rules you like or western Capitalism may collapse.
In the meantime, I see lucrative opportunities for a special limited edition “Sweary Scrabble”. Only obscenities are allowed although these can be in any language. The bag contains a random selection of tiles from various character sets, i.e. any leftovers from manufacturing the other sets. When you get dealt 1 Arabic, 2 Cyrilic, 2 Greek, 1 Latin and a Zapf Dingbat you will really learn how to swear. Its great fun and only 3 times the normal price.
[blockquote/]Um, is it possible that the first HYSayer, Fade n’Die, might have been taking the piss out of exactly what he/she is accused of being? Sounds to me like just pre-empting the inevitable drivel from the likes of varnayfan.[/blockquote]
Agreed. I think old Fade is probably on side. If not, they shot themselves in the foot somewhat with ‘chose’.
P.S. Never tried blockquotes before. When they inevitably fail, accept my apologies if it breaks the internet.
Knew it.
Use Your Quote, only with “o” instead of “0″ (..prays that this works..)
I reckon the first two are trolls, without a doubt.
Didn’t work. Use “<" instead of "[", and no slash after the first "blockquote".
“Use Your Quote, only with “o” instead of “0″ (..prays that this works..)”
Eh? What ’0′?
You may need to adjust for my utter ignorance…
YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!
I can do blackquotes! Cheers!
I definitely can’t be trusted with this sort of power.
With great power comes a time when you thing, ahh, fuckit.
That’s a good blackquote.
It’s always handy to have a quick squizz at the other
gemsturds left on the internet by people featured here. In the first case, I don’t think Fade ‘n’ Die has the imagination, given what he does on 606. In the second case, Miss Terri Poster… well, here’s another example:And here she is slapping her mark on ownership of the BBC.
I did get one thing wrong though – she appears to be Scottish. So that jibe about [English] wasn’t a defensive attack on the good game of Scrabble, but… well, something else.
Yes! The F.A Cup Final, the most anarchic cup final out of all cup finals. Surely if they can tame that wild beast then they can rule Britain with an iron fist?
I’m playing the version where I read that HYS thread and give myself a point for every grammatical mistake made in a comment bemoaning the decline of literacy.
When I get ten points I can trade them in for a cheap thrill of superiority giving way to frustration and shame.
Ooh, can I play too? Sounds like my bag: my pedantry knows no bounds. I quite liked this one (only 4 comments in, FFS):
Gah!! Die, illiterates, die!!
Just another average day for most on HYS.
I have had a revelation. All along I thought my copy of an Italian game called Scarabeo was the official localised version of Scrabble. (Yes, I’m in Italy.) It turns out that Scarabeo is a cheapo rip-off of Scrabble, with a couple of cosmetic rule changes to justify the difference.
The scales have fallen from my eyes. This is exactly the sort of thing that will happen if we allow our Holiest of Holies, Scrabble, to be adulterated. Will you honestly be able to hold your head up in public when the toyshops are selling a variant of Scrabble called Scarab, complete with a little beetle logo on the box? Oh wait – IT ALREADY IS! It’s the thin end of the wedge! Methinks. You couldn’t make it up. (ZANULIARBOREALIS!)
For the curious:
http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarabeo_(gioco)
*sniffs and wipes eyes*
Thanks for that one. It somehow makes it all worthwhile.
Is that German?
I find that Falcon English has a lot more panache.
(resumes lurking)
[blockquote]
I find that Falcon English has a lot more panache.
[/blockquote]
Are you out of your Falcon mind?
(also resumes lurking)
Well, sod that blockquote system for a motherfucking, cunting, whoremongering and ultimately scrabbling fucking cuntwipe of sheer, utter, fuckworthiness and uselessness. This is 2010 and WordPress doesn’t have a handy button saying “Put the text you’ve just selected into blockquotes.” It’s about as useful as an interpreter with Tourette’s syndrome.
(Really resumes lurking this time)
No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
*steps on a rake*
The dicks who comment on the Mail or HYS can somehow blame immigrants and foreigners for changes in the laws of Scrabble, but that just proves they are unprofessional haters with absolutely no reach or skills.
Unlike this guy…
HYS… Time To Raise Your Game, You Fucking Amatuers!
@All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
I haven’t attempted blockquotes (fear of failure and that), but I’m pretty sure you need to use pointy brackets.
Other than that I’d say you have a pretty good technique. You just need more pointy thrusty brackets instead of dull square brackets.
Oh, and Scrabble is overrated. However, if them looney lefties try to change Frustration…
Fuck me sideways, these people really need to get a life, there’s a fucking general election on I quote from the same HYS (badly, I’m shit at block quote sorry)-
152. At 6:41pm on 06 Apr 2010, dogsolitude_uk wrote:
I suppose they’ll also be abolishing ‘losing’ as well, so that everybody who plays is a winner.
This is sheer idiocy. Still, we don’t have to play with that rule if we don’t want to, neither do we have to buy teh latest edition of the game.
Trivial Pursuit was also similarly dumbed down, and is now a celebrity trivia fest instead of a near-impossible set of classical minutae. There’s also a chess set available with playing card that tell you where to move the pieces, in case you have trouble remembering the moves of six differently-shaped pieces.
Everything with even the merest whiff of a challenging nature is being ruined by marketers and the Politically Correct, who seem to believe that ‘intellectuals’ are to be ignored/mistrusted and must be brought down to size in tha name of making things ‘accessible’.
Maybe one day we’ll only have baby food to eat and cartoons on TV. Our laptops and PCs replaced by minimally functional ‘toy’ technology, and we’ll only be able to buy plastic knives and round-ended scissors in our shops. A-levels will go as far as long-multiplication, and the spiritual descendant of David Attenborough will start his latest BBC Wildlife series with the words: “This is a cat. A cat goes me-ow. Do you have a cat?”
…says one John Stanyer, UKIP candidate for Penrith & The Border in his election bumph. But why? I mean why does he think people don’t already have that right? Does he think the Suicide Police will arrest him if he wanks himself into a seizure?
A bit of a clue in my name, but I am a bit of a music buff…
Something very, very weird is happening. A ***black*** ***gay*** ***rapper*** has died. Not just any rapper but a man with “Tonz O’ Gunz” in his back catalogue. A rapper whose former group has a name that screams knife crime hoodies. A rapper with a name that shouts weirdy beardy, possibly brown, possibly hippy.
And yet there is not a single negative comment and a whole bunch of green ticks paying tribute to his way with words. What the hell is going on at The (you have been warned in case the usual suspects have been mobilised) Mail.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1267539/Rapper-Guru-Gang-Starr-dead-aged-43-secret-battle-cancer.html
Playing Made-up Swears Scrabble with my brother in our teens was how I invented the legend that is Twatbasket. Imagine a world without the word if we had stuck to the rules. Or not drunk the remains of a bottle of out-of-date Advocaat and 2 dubious bottles of Pomagne our Gran had won at the bingo. Heeeeurgh.
I’ve been teetotal since I was 22.
@SoulBoy
Er, Josef Fritzl? Wolfgang Priklopil? (And Adolf Eichmann, if I really have to choose from the usual suspects)?
*ejaculates all over the monitor at own achievement with blockquotes*
@Have Your Lurk
Not a fan of The Simpsons then? I think my quote may have WOOOOOOOOSHed over your head
*coughs in embarrassment at losing a million cool points*
From funny peculiar’s link…
Persuasive argument, but Rush Limbaugh reckons it was actually divine retribution for the US healthcare reform:
http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/home/daily/site_041610/content/01125104.guest.html
There’s only one way to decide this. If I’m right.
So… Did you think he genuinely meant that? Weird, man.
*ejaculates all over the monitor at own achievement with blockquotes*
Blockquotes huh? Nussing to do wis just having typed ze names of all those charismatic Germanic smoothtalkers then?
Unless you’re stranded abroad because even RyanAir aircraft can’t fly, in which case you’re bleating and gibbering about why the fucking nanny state, which you affect to hate, hasn’t provided you with your own gold-plated Royal Navy gunboat to cart you and your knock-off Louis Vuitton tat back to your Englishman’s (not British) castle. I actually saw one tattoed old bat blubbing because she was stuck in the Costa Lotta while her lickle boy was at home, and he “needed his mummy”. Yeah, right, so why did you go swanning off on holiday without him, you shitwitted dullard?
‘cos she’d arranged for the father (not nanny) to look after the boy (not child) for only the planned length of her absence (not business trip)?
@Goldstein
As the regulars here will know from my previous posts, I don’t have the irony gene. It cost me a fortune to have the humour installed, plus the service packs are making it run really slow. I’m still saving up for an irony implant.
Inserts insulting stereotype joke about German sense of humour in connection with original misunderstanding.
Gets coat..
And Josef Fritzl is Austrian.
But Austrians don’t speak Austrian…
I believe I can explain this. Guru died in a way that is socially acceptable to the assorted cunts, scumbags and hypocrites that spend their time screeching like chimps on the Mail site. My theory is that since he died of cancer in a hospital, Mail readers can find a way to relate and thus empathise, something they usually have great difficulty with.
Besides, you forget that these people are fucking professional grief athletes.
Also, may I just take this moment to savour the sheer victory of getting blockquotes right the first time trying.
Hang about, how come changing the rules of scrabble is considered politically correct? Did I miss a meeting? To be honest, the phrase has been used so many times it’s lost all meaning in my mind.
Lurk,
Now I may not post here often, but this blockquote mastery didn’t happen overnight.
.. Whew. Was particularly worried about screwing that one up.
@Goldstein
I have blockquoted successfully in the distant past. But then I went back to lurking to allow the regulars to piece their sanities back together. When I returned in a Triumph (a TR7 to be precise), a top-of-the-range Laff-o-Matic 2000A Sens-o’-Yuma surgically implanted in my navel, I had forgotten how to do blockquotes.
“Politically Correct” nowadays basically means “something I disagree with for reasons which I am too stupid to articulate”. I still find the phrase useful though, because if anyone uses it then I know I can safely ignore whatever is coming next.
Dear God. This person thinks Trivial Pursuit was once a serious test of intellectual worth? I’ll bet any money he’s a member of Mensa. He’s certainly a member.
Then again, I just danced with joy at getting blockquotes right on my first ever post. I’ll shut up, shall I? Yeah, I’ll shut up.
Sort of. Mostly it means, “something that isn’t like it was in provincial England in the late ’50s, a time that embodied the very acme of human civilisation.”
I always find ‘common sense’ is a more effective pillock beacon.
Mensa has got to be the most pointless organisation ever.
“Hello, I’m very clever”. “Yes, I’m very clever too. Let us form a society for similarly gifted individuals to differentiate ourselves from the non-clever”.
How long before a class action is brought against Mensa for discriminating against non-clever people?
If you’ve any sense, you’ll spoil your Mensa entry exam.