Thanks to Zoe. Yet another online literary critic. John Parker has worked out who’s behind it all.
John Parker wrote:
The myth of any superstition about “Macbeth” is female propaganda, and females have always caused all the troubles in putting on the play. Female school teachers tell their students the theme of “Macbeth” is the danger of excessive ambition. This is female nonsense, of course. The theme of “Macbeth” is the danger of ever listening to any female, especially the fatal folly of any man ever listening to his wife.Narcissistic females don’t like this theme, naturally, and consider it unrealistic in their delusional vanity. Thus they invented this old wife’s tale about the play being unlucky, in a senseless bid to prevent it from being performed. They didn’t need to waste their energy. Any male over 12 knows better than to listen to any female, whether he’s seen “Macbeth” or not.
I don’t like jumping to conclusions, but it’s probably safe to surmise that ‘gullible’ is in the dictionary and Mrs. Parker wasn’t really working late.
68 Responses to “Deep-Seated Trust Issues”
Divorce papers just come through, then, John?
I’m intruiged how John has done his research. Why is 12 the magic age for such realisation?
See, women have lied throughout John’s life. It all began with his mother lying to him, the bitch, saying things to her son like “I love you” and “Don’t be silly, of course I don’t wish I’d drowned you at birth” and “of course you have some redeeming features. I just have to go and leave the room before you ask me what they are.”
I doubt John’s ever had a girlfriend, never mind a wife.
It’s a sad fact that as Spring is here and John Parker’s thoughts turn to love, he will once again spend the more clement months wondering why no one wants to kiss him and why the warm weather makes his genitals smell a bit more.
I dread to think what happened to John Parker at the age of 12.
I will provide a prize for the most appalling suggestion.
Sorry, by ‘will’, I mean ‘won’t’
What’s with all the italics? Has a woman been messing with the site’s back end?
John Parker is a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. His is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
i do not know as i have not seen macbeth
*zips up trousers*
Yes, I have, actually.
(Man, that felt good.)
*bangs head off monitor as realises that in mad rush to be first to post back-end-related witticism failed to notice original post said “woman” and not “man”*
I do hope John’s GP is a woman.
That’s right John, you tell those bitches. You agreed to ‘have’ and to ‘hold’, right? Nothing about this ‘listening’ bullshit.
Out of curiosity, does anyone over the age of 12 listen to YOU?
If this is how he feels about Macbeth, I bet The Taming of the Shrew is hardcore porn for him.
Shit, I think this Parker bloke has hit a nerve. People are actually responding to what he says, instead of what he is (i.e. a clap-ridden, clit-free killer whale’s cunt. You have to say it out loud for the alliteration to work).
Can we get back on track, people?
More to the point, does anyone of any age listen to this demented Gerbils cancerous anus?
I hate to point this out but, erm… we’re all listening to him…
Technology for the prevention and treatment of cancers wouldn’t be where it is today had researchers not paid considerable attention to cancerous gerbil’s anuses. There’s a lot they can tell us. You just have to put your ear really close and listen very hard.
No, we’re calling him a cunt. Big difference.
@Dizzy
Hm. Oh, well. I’ll just get back to meddling about with the back end of the server, then. *unzips trousers*
(Has it worked?)
He’s probably bitter about his “But she said she was 16! I’d never have spiked her drink if I knew she was younger!” defense failing in court.
Out, damned clot! Out, I say!
Superb.
The Iliad, contrary to what femi-nazi post-modernist muslim-commies think, is a tale of war and slaughter brought about by that slut Helen, who is every single woman ever, and was originally written to serve as warning to future generations. Do we listen to the ancients’ warnings, oh god why won’t we listen TELL ME!!
Why the cunt is everything in italics?
Everything looks okay to me – maybe I have the gift of Seeing Through Weird Formatting.
Oh and John Parker is a cunt.
(please work blockquotes. I’ll never ask for anything ever again if this works. If it doesn’t, then fuck it. I want a pony.)
Yay! Blockquote win!
But I still want a pony.
And now everything is in italics. I’ve lost the Gift!
Cock.
I didn’t realise old wives had so much power! John Parker has truly proved that whole “patriarchy” thing to be bullshit.
(And what’s with the italics?)
Every male over the age of 12 knows that you shouldn’t pay attention to anything written in italics. In fact, you shouldn’t pay attention to anything written down at all, unless you saw that the person writing it wasn’t a woman or someone who had once met one – and then he could have told you whatever he had to say directly, instead of wasting time learning to write.
Anyway, I don’t see any italics. Perhaps your head’s on at an angle?
I see no italics ?
Is everyone pissed but me ? And if so, thats just mean!!!
Wow. I left an open italics tag at the end and didn’t even notice. I didn’t realise you could achieve that.
I even tried to insert a sneaky “end-of-italics” HTML instruction in a post, which had about as much effect as you can see here. The beginning and end of my career as a hacker.
Erm, Alex… you’re very bold…
Yes, narcissists always hate it when it’s all about them.
The correct response to this pipistrelle’s perineum comes from a play you may have heard about -
I think John’s mum used to make him touch her otter’s pocket.
Or, she was tragically killed on the way to the theatre for little Johnny’s 12th birthday. An outing he’d been promised for a whole year, but instead, he spent in AE, thanks to his pathetic mother letting him down again and allowing herself to get hit by a mobile library when she failed to look the right way at the junction.
@Catherine Oliver
i do not know as i have not seen macbeth
It’s already been mentioned, but that is class. I did a genuine laughing out loud and everything.
I always wondered who it was picketing my local WI meetings with banners tied between lamposts reading “Don’t listen to the narcissists!” and “Over 12? Ignore anything in a skirt!”
John Parker may be a weasel’s women-hole, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s right. If you listen to your wife on anything, ever, you will end up becoming the King of Scotland and then you will be stabbed.
So gents, next time your wife asks to come shopping for curtains, or to take the rubbish out, punch that bitch right in the face. It’s time we stopped pandering to minorities like women.
Completely off topic, but I couldn’t resist. From the Daily Fail (can u c wat i did thar?) article on a British couple telling a hotel that they didn’t want to be served by any black people.
Haha! Yeah! Because I’m a racist, I’m sure everyone else secretly is as well, right? mixme says what everyone is thinking; black people aren’t really people!
mixme is also a marmoset’s mangled minge.
Oh cocking blockquote balls.
I agree, that is just fucking class, that is. Way to go, Catherine Oliver. You tell that scumbag where to get off with his woman-hating. Class, just class.
(Er, what does your Macbeth joke mean, exactly?)
It’s not just his wife.
It’s those witches too…
all women… all of em’
OMG a man dared to imply women were less than perfect. Quick run to the fucking hills, the nazi’s are going to gas us all.
Oh incidentally I wonder if you lot would be flaming this person mercilessly if they there female and had uttered such ignorant and sexist remarks about men?
No?
@ E_Nigma
No real idea what you’re talking about, but the fucking hills sound like a place I’d like to go
@E_Nigma
Shut up. You’ll only get the blah filter put back on.
Is this a blank, white textfield I see before me, The keyboard toward my hands?
Come, let me clutch thee
Not much of an enigma, are you E_Nigma?
Well, let’s see.
Amazing! It totally makes sense now. And to think that I called Parker a deformed dappled dinosaur’s dandy regions! The scales have fallen from my eyes! And I understand Catherine Oliver’s joke now!
Hail, Parker Twat of Basket,
Hail, Parker Arse of Aardvark,
All hail, Parker who shall be Cock-end hereafter.
More Shakespere parodies, less responding to complete twats.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s twat?
Thou art more humid and wet.
Bats’ penises shall squirt on the darling cunts of May.
Or something.
Complain? Complain? I’d like to complain that trueblue forgot to change his nic before posting that. What a cock’s coccyx.
If twatbasketry be the the food of love, rant on.
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
Have Your Say may sicken, and so die.
Though really, I can’t improve on Shakespeare himself. John Parker’s post is indeed about nothing but cuntry matters.
Reply, or don’t reply: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The baiting comments of outrageous dickheads,
Or to take arms against their twattish twittering,
And by opposing end it? Reply: to taunt;
“Piss off”; and by a taunt to say we end
The head-ache and the thousand shooting pains
This blog is heir to; ’tis fucking tempting,
Devoutly to be wish’d. Reply, to taunt;
To taunt: perchance to feed: ay, there’s the rub;
For to that ego boost what trolls may come
When we have used up all our penis jokes,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of blogging life;
For who’d resist the call of HYS,
The Racists’ balls, the Tax Bores droning on,
The moans of Hypocrites, Retired Colonels,
The Moderation Martyrs and the points
That poor Slow Readers regularly miss,
When they so lend themselves to mockery,
The stupid cunts? who’d disregard E_Nigma,
And act like no one shat the comment thread,
But that the dread of escalating conflict,
The pointless circle-jerk of ridicule
We all have learned to hate, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear the troll we have
Than risk his screwing up our day e’en more?
Thus experience makes cowards of us all;
And thus the cretinous camel’s cock, though coaxing,
Is sicklied o’er with the syphilis of doubt,
And SYB replies of pith and moment
Are crushed by thoughts of “fuck it, what’s the point?”
And lose the name of action. – Soft you now!
There’s two more lines in the soliloquy,
But I’m feeling kind of “fuck it” now myself.
But soft, what twats through yonder Windows break!
It is HYS, and John is a cunt.
What happened to John at age 12…probably involved at least someone in a dress – probably a catholic priest
@Friscalating – now that was class.
Is this a fuckwit I see before me?
@Catherine Oliver
et tut EBAYTKMAX?
Perhaps he grew up in an acting troupe which upheld the Elizabethan tradition of getting young boys in drag to play the women’s roles. He continues to play a female part with utter conviction.
Is this a jerkin which I see before me, the sleeve toward my hand?
@Friscalating…
Sublime.
Something dickhead this way comes…
Out, damn’d snot..
Sorry about that — I have a stinking cold at the moment.
I have several issues with the comments so far:
Kris, you used the word ‘stabbed’. Stabbed? What you meant to say was ‘knife-crimed’- am I right?
E-nigma – I’m no good at crosswords but even I guessed that you are just another ball-achingly obvious mysogynist. Actually, what is the collective noun for a group of mysogynists? Does anyone know?
And thank you Dizzy for my beverage-monitor-paper towel incident. The bard himself would bow down to your superior wit
Pete,
Might I suggest “a Clarkson of misogynists”?
@Friscalating, marry me.
@friscalating:
In the name of all that is cheese and crackers, fucking bravo.
That’s going straight up on the pool room wall.