spEak You're bRanes

Meet The Meme Maker

Trying to summon up some enthusiasm for sifting through this fucking shit. Christ.

Anyways road up. A while back the Have Your Say mods made a page with the title “Should smoking be banned in cars?” I printed it out and took it on a train with me. Big mistake. Since then I have mainly been weeping.

1. At 04:52am on 24 Mar 2010, DtheT wrote:
There are absolutely no figures for second hand smoking related diseases to engender blanket knee jerk bans like this. Far more pollution is caused by the cars themselves (in the region of times 10 plus). One celeb dies of what could be passsive smoking (most people with a mouth his shape smoke large cigars… so was he a non-smoker?) and the knee jerk nannies blame the rest of the society he chose to spend his time with for the nations’ ills. I too have spent some forty years in the same smoke filled rooms and none the casualties I know have died of passive smoking. Lets ban the KJNannies and learn how to have fun again.

Some quality shit in there. Note the obsession with the phrase “knee-jerk” and the attempt to popularise the abbreviation “KJNannies“. I don’t see how this meme can fail to set the internet alight. It’s right up there with such inescapable mindgum as the number 343382.44444 and the phrase “yeah, pop it down just there, nah, past that.. nah.. hang on… watch yourself… wait there, I’ll move the bucket.. yeah… that’s it, just next to the shed. Thanks“. You’ll be humming it all week.

I’m also pretty curious about which celebrity died of “what could be passive smoking”. Luckily we’ve been given a description of his mouth (it’s shaped like a large cigar-holder), so I drew up one of them artist’s impression thingies. Anyone know who it is?

I’m pretty confident we’ll be able to track this fucker down. Though he probably looks a bit different now, being dead n that. Hang on, I’ll update the thingy.

Keep your eyes peeled eh? Nicely.

48 Responses to “Meet The Meme Maker”

1. on 27 Apr 2010 at 3:36 pm   Ceannair
   
   

   The bottom one is Victoria Beckham, and I claim my five euro!

2. on 27 Apr 2010 at 3:48 pm   Lell
   
   

   I bet she takes it in the eye socket. That way she can keep singing.

3. on 27 Apr 2010 at 3:48 pm   [LeGioN]
   
   

   The top picture reminded me of the opera singer from the Go Compare adverts. Which, incidentally, made me punch my monitor screen.

   Can I have a prize and a new monitor?

4. on 27 Apr 2010 at 3:51 pm   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
   
   

   Most people with a mouth that shape don’t actually smoke cigars, because they’re inflatable women.

5. on 27 Apr 2010 at 3:56 pm   jim davidson
   
   

   The celebrity is Roy Castle. A quick Google image search will reveal his Havana shaped mouth.

6. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:10 pm   Jack
   
   

   Yeah, I’d have guessed Roy Castle. Still, it’s hardly a contemporary reference so you’d expect them to elaborate. I suspect they were too busy mourning Norris McWhirter though.

7. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:11 pm   foggy
   
   

   Fucking Norris McWhirter.

   He never did tell me what was the biggest leaf.

8. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:18 pm   Bored at Work
   
   

   Ah it all makes sense if it’s Roy.

   Looking at Nelson’s first portrait, it is obvious that DtheT has mistaken Roy’s severe case of “trumpet player’s mouth” for “cigar smoker’s mouth”.

   Easily done to be fair. Which I’m not. Wanker.

9. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:18 pm   Masked Debator
   
   

   Have we all met Steve?

   MP’s & Doctors should get a life and let other people live theirs the way they want, after all how many good MPs do we have, and come to think of it how many good doctors do we have, their all responsible for the loss of life at some point in their lives how many lives have smokers taken?

   Upstanding citizens, take note. Next time you meet a GP, It’s your moral duty to put your fag out on the murdering bastard.

10. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:25 pm   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    @Masked Debator

    You made that up. J’accuse!

11. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:34 pm   Dave Website
    
    

    It’s true. He did actually smoke cigars. Passive smoking is just a myth invented by the PC brigade.

12. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:36 pm   Dave Website
    
    

    Here’s photographic proof:

    http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt356/Penko83/jimll.jpg

13. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:36 pm   Masked Debator
    
    

    @ANHYL(NWH)

    I so wish I’d made that up – but he’s right there in comment 14. If I could impersonate a twat that convincingly I’d be busy trolling the Daily Mail website, sending subliminal messages to make BNP voters drown themselves in septic tanks.

14. on 27 Apr 2010 at 4:59 pm   That Bloke in the Corner
    
    

    Thank you for that piccie Dave Website, I have now got to clean up from an unexpected Coffee/monitor interface

15. on 27 Apr 2010 at 5:06 pm   damon green
    
    

    Didn’t Roy Castle once run somebody over with that horse and cart while filming `Highway’? I expect he was trying to light a cigar with two hands and let go of the reins

16. on 27 Apr 2010 at 5:07 pm   pigfrottage
    
    

    Sorry to go off topic, but I have just found the biggest mine of “I’m not racist, but…” I have ever seen.

    Enjoy.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/apr/27/bnp-manifesto-launch-nick-griffin

17. on 27 Apr 2010 at 5:53 pm   brown town
    
    

    Fuck, I just deleted my comment about doctors banning all the fun stuff in life, instead of posting it…

    I’m just gonna have to think about Roy Castle, Chris Akabusi and Cheryl Baker breaking records and chill the fuck out.

18. on 27 Apr 2010 at 7:14 pm   fucko the clown
    
    

    I’ve been away in thailand, the ladies there have found a way of smoking that doesn’t damage the lungs…

19. on 27 Apr 2010 at 7:36 pm   Rotwatcher
    
    

    The bottom picture is mos def Victoria Beckham, sometime before her latest diet. The top picture is heavyweight Tory Nicholas “Fatty” Soames, friend of the monarch-in-waiting, with his mouth prepared for the entry of the Royal membrum virile.

20. on 27 Apr 2010 at 8:07 pm   Friendly Viking
    
    

    Ooh, thanks pigfrottage, this is primo shit:

    Actually, it seems like the media are the ones obsessed with race and immigration. What a shame this article doesn’t really discuss the BNP manifesto and instead just talks about race. It could have focused on free student grants and the doing away with tuition fees. Or the immediate withdrawal from Afghanistan to avoid the deaths of British soldiers and innocent Afghan civilians (in a war that has nothing whatsoever to do with Britain). Or an energy policy that will keep the lights on in a few years time. Or an environmental policy that cares for the land that we all depend on.

    He’s right you know. All we want is for the media to mention, once, tutition fees, Afghanistan or the environment. Just once! Why, I only know about the war in Iraq because I’m in the same branch of the Freemasons as Dick Cheney. Until the media start discussing these issues and not all this extremist crap about ‘blacks are people too’ and ‘the Jews didn’t orchestrate the Holocaust’, I will have LITERALLY no choice but to vote BNP.

21. on 27 Apr 2010 at 8:29 pm   Richard Littlejohn's Funny Bone
    
    

    @ Friendly Viking

    That same fellow later says this marvellous little piece

    If you apply the term ‘fascist’ it to me then that’s fine as long as you also love free speech, democracy, a natural environment and my asian and black friends (and family – yes forget the ignorant and patronising stereotyping of the media).

    Not that good friends are they?

22. on 27 Apr 2010 at 9:30 pm   Friendly Viking
    
    

    Best ‘BNP is just poor misunderstood victims’ line I’ve heard so far is from the guy who said “They only hate Nick Griffin because he’s got a funny eye!”

    No, we hate Griffin for his racist, fascist views. His gammy eye is just a hilarious bonus.

    Also his stupid crab-hands.

23. on 27 Apr 2010 at 10:10 pm   Ugeine
    
    

    The Left Wing has ,in history,always “shouted down” the Right Wing,and therefore Free Speech! Even before and during the second world war,the left in general were in favour of the Soviet Model,Joe Stalin etc and these sentiments still excist

    Yeah! Which is why it’s only logical to back the right wing who, if memory serves right, didn’t back anybody a bit dodgy during the war whatsoever.

24. on 27 Apr 2010 at 10:38 pm   Friendly Viking
    
    

    Yeah, I read that. I love the way ‘shouted down’ means ‘disagreed with’. And I also love the idea that it’s unacceptable to call Griffin et al Nazis, yet everyone left of Enoch Powell can be safely dismissed as ‘Stalinist’, ‘Marxist’, or ‘Fucking bleeding-heart liberal PC do-gooder, never did a decent day’s work in your life, you can even spell properly you pretentious cunt’.

    Sadly, these sentiments also still excist.

25. on 27 Apr 2010 at 10:38 pm   Pirate Pete
    
    

    The second picture is definitely the skull of Princess Leia – look at the buns!

26. on 27 Apr 2010 at 10:44 pm   Pirate Pete
    
    

    And to echo the Friendly Viking (and I apologise for being serious – I won’t do it again) a good ‘shouting down’ really doesn’t cut it against a gas chamber and a Sturmgewehr 44 with a magazine full of bullets…

27. on 27 Apr 2010 at 11:17 pm   Friendly Viking, the
    
    

    The Friendly Viking is simply pleased to see the definite article attached to his name. Like some legendary character from an epic myth or saga.

28. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:08 am   Any Rand will do
    
    

    @pigfrottage

    It’s not racist to campaign for racial purity. Oh, wait a moment, it is. And he’s such a nice boy.

29. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:15 am   Mal
    
    

    I keep a baseball bat by the door just in case the BNP candidate calls and I feel the need to discuss some issues with him.

30. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:38 am   howfar
    
    

    From the BNP thread: “people want a firmer law against drug barrons, rather than they laughing at our laws and destroying the fabric of our youth”

    I think you’ll find that without the drug barons the fabric of our youth would have been a lot tired people in a big loud room near a meat-market.

31. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:43 am   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon
    
    

    Nelson: Shouldn’t:

    You’ll be humming it all week.

    Be:

    You’ll be humming it for weeks.

    If you’re getting all meme?

32. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:44 am   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon
    
    

    Neither thought that would work; tags within tags, everyday is a school day!

33. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:45 am   Sir Alf Ramsey's Porn Dungeon
    
    

    *Never…. arse, back to remedial spelling for me

34. on 28 Apr 2010 at 1:08 am   Dizzy
    
    

    CiF is the worst thing to happen to humanity since… actually, it’s just the worst thing to happen to humanity.

    At one point I wondered when the racists and the tossers decided they wanted to read the Guardian. Then I realised that the majority of people are racists and tossers, and reading the Guardian was incidental.

    Comments on the internet, generally, including this one, are a vector for knee-jerk idiocy.

35. on 28 Apr 2010 at 2:37 am   Curtain twitcher
    
    

    At 05:35am on 24 Mar 2010, sir andrew freespeech wrote:
    HEAR WE GO AGAIN THE DO GOODERS AT IT ALL THE WILE TELL YA WHAT BAN SMOKING EVERYWHERE BUT STILL SELL THEM IN THE SHOPS THRO CUS THERE TAXED UP TO THE HILT TALK ABOUT DOUBLE STANDERDS HOW MUCH ARE THE CURUPT GOVERMENT MAKING OUT OF TAX THROUG SMOKERS? WHAT A LOAD OF TOSH DOUBLE STANDERDS EVERY TIME

36. on 28 Apr 2010 at 7:15 am   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    Getting back to the original topic, i.e. the HYS “Should smoking be banned in cars?”, I am reliably informed by an American friend that in many states in the US you can’t even smoke outdoors any more. (Yet they still sell cigarettes! Jeez, will the curupt goverment ever learn?)

37. on 28 Apr 2010 at 7:22 am   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    Speaking of fascism, I lived in Milan for a while and I always thought there should be a sign outside the city saying, “Welcome to Milan – the Home of Fascism!”

38. on 28 Apr 2010 at 8:55 am   One of the Eds
    
    

    @ Dizzy

    My theory is that most people actually *like* being angry and actively seek out provocation. That’s why the Daily Mail is filled with stories to make its readers mad, that’s why the Guardian (the online version, at least) is principally read by racists, and that’s why a lot of people apparently trawl through HYS comments.

    Personally, I don’t know how you do it. That’s why I come here – I get to laugh at the extreme examples without being weighed down by all the dull, predictable, depressing shit that makes up 90% of it.

    The exception that proves the rule, of course, is Andy Kadir-Buxton. I love him. I just realised that he’s basically Lily the Pink, but with the mighty handclap instead of medicinal compound.

39. on 28 Apr 2010 at 9:02 am   funny peculiar
    
    

    Agggggggggggrhhhh!

    Lily The Pink!

    Nooooooooo!

    You chuffing fucking bastard, On Of The Eds.

    THE most irritating, parasitic, brain-looping song in history. Gah!

    *exits* Thumping forehead, mumbling drink-adrink-adrink

40. on 28 Apr 2010 at 9:12 am   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    @One of the Eds

    Personally, I don’t know how you do it. That’s why I come here – I get to laugh at the extreme examples without being weighed down by all the dull, predictable, depressing shit that makes up 90% of it.

    Same here. SYB serves up a sort of distillation of concentrated stupidity. I’d slash my wrists if I had to trawl the comment sites to get my fix.

41. on 28 Apr 2010 at 9:30 am   oliver
    
    

    goldmine alert:

    http://conservativehome.blogs.com/goldlist/2010/04/tory-candidate-for-north-ayrshire-and-arran-suspended-for-criticising-homosexuality.html#comment-6a00d83451b31c69e20133ed032198970b

    “Paul R said…
    Sounded perfectly reasonable to me but then again, I’m a white, Christian, middle class heterosexual so my opinion counts for nothing.”

    etc etc etc, etc, fucking etc

42. on 28 Apr 2010 at 11:07 am   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    Plus, Paul is male and therefore his opinion counts for less than that of an immigrunt single mother scamming benefits paid for by HIS TAXES, damn it!

43. on 28 Apr 2010 at 11:30 am   Bugrat
    
    

    Agggggggggggrhhhh!

    Lily The Pink!

    Nooooooooo!

    You chuffing fucking bastard, On Of The Eds.

    THE most irritating, parasitic, brain-looping song in history. Gah!

    *exits* Thumping forehead, mumbling drink-adrink-adrink

    A classic earworm. Consider, instead, words that might work if the song were called Andy the Plank.

44. on 28 Apr 2010 at 12:27 pm   My Pockets Hurt
    
    

    I’m a white, Christian, middle class heterosexual so my opinion counts for nothing

    And yet he still volunteers it.

    It’s these pity-me bastards that I hate the most. Can we not just wall Gloucestershire in and make the fuckers live there, pretending it’s still 1956?

45. on 28 Apr 2010 at 1:30 pm   Andy
    
    

    @Bugrat:

    Let’s w@ank a w@ank a w@ank
    To Andy the plank, the plank, the plank…

    eh?

46. on 28 Apr 2010 at 4:20 pm   Rotwatcher
    
    

    Can we not just wall Gloucestershire in and make the fuckers live there, pretending it’s still 1956?

    Oi! I’m in Gloucestershire – what makes you think I want the fuckers here? Why not wall in Kensington instead?

47. on 29 Apr 2010 at 4:40 pm   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    ‘Cos I’m in Kensington. Wall in Portsmouth, the fuckers can keep Nelson company on HMS Victoria.

48. on 29 Apr 2010 at 4:41 pm   All New Have Your Lurk (Now With Humour!)
    
    

    HMS Victory.