Tom Taylor-Duxbury is a giant twat regularly found all over the internet’s varied public repositories of utter shit and swivel-eyed lunacy.
Here he is on Times Online talking about some volcano somewhere in Iceland. Notice how his sardonic wit seamlessly combines unrelated events that happened in the same country into a weak suggestion that Iceland is the leading cause of the world’s problems, and how he does that because he’s a prick.
More fallout from Iceland?
Now can we have some data on global cooling (SO2 & dust) and CO2 from volcanoes please, much more impact than the plane flights I’d wager.
Tom Taylor-Duxbury
Absolutely. That’s what scientists do for half their time, now that global warming has been proven to be the goldmine of a conspiracy everyone knew it was – they sit around reading comments on the internet, waiting for you to tell them what to do. Of course, the other half of the working day they’re sitting on solid gold dildos wanking onto £50 notes, so they can’t dedicate all their time to tending to your partially digested brain farts.
Oh, wait! Excuse my sarcasm, Tom, because I just had word from a leading climatologist who does eagerly read comments on news articles looking for pearls of wisdom. Apparently, after brilliance just like yours put him out of a job throwing hockey sticks into volcanoes to make the planet heat up a bit faster, he’s a bit light on stuff to do. He assures me he’ll get right on it, because he doesn’t think anything like that has ever been studied before, ever. Because you came up with the idea, can you spare time for a double-blind study?
In case you didn’t know, that’s the kind where you get beaten around the head until both your retinas detach by someone who subscribed to the new Times website and paid £30 for the privilege of reading your shit.
62 Responses to “Giant Spewing Shit Volcano”
To save time, here’s why he’s a twat. Now we can laugh and mock him.
Anyway, I have to say, as a scientist, that this is a filthy damnable lie. We actually spend most of our time huffing volcanic fumes and writing any old nonsense while we’re still still high on the global cooling (SO2 & dust). Where do think the Higgs Boson came from?
By “Now we can laugh and mock him” I mean “Now we don’t have to have some stupid argument about the science and get straight down to the mockery”, not “We need science to show what a nob he is.”
Oh, but I’m sure the tree-hugging sandal-wearing, hippy, gay homosexual tofu-eating LIEntists are going to obscure such data in order to serve their islamic-marxist agenda.
Tom Taylor-Duxbury will therefore never cease to point this out, until they release such data as to prove that global warming is a lie.
Any research/data that say otherwise is a continuation of the obscuring of the FACTS
Oh, yeah volcano, flights grounded etc, but the important bit here, and which you’ve all missed, is what TTD wants to be on about.
Heh, Lientists, well done brain, well done indeed. Actually, no, on secod thought fuck you brain.
@Schroduck
Well, I’ve consulted the Oracle that is the No. 10 Rejected Petitions site, and all I can say is, how about this for informed debate:
And:
*Endearingly, this petition adds: “The doors may have to be closed periodically to prevent the onset of another ice age.”
I like to think that all this flight disruption is just the volcano god offsetting his carbon emissions.
Oh, and Tom’s a dick.
I hate to back up Tom Taylor-Dipshit here, but Iceland is to blame for everything. It’s where Mums go to talk about women’s problems and plot the gradual erosion of masculine manliness as they massage their child-gnawed breasts with bags of frozen parsnips. And those freezer cabinets fair suck up the fossil fuels.
Yes, it’s all a conspiracy hatched by lesbian women and the frozen food industry, and is clearly ascribed to decaying moral values. Before the corset was loosened and women were allowed to read Bella magazine unsupervised, we were a hardy, tough race who didn’t put up with long haired louts with ‘fid’ after their names, telling us we can’t pop a bag of the black-stuff in the scuttle to warm our cockles after a hard day shooting peasants. Bastards.
@gyppo
That’s HAIRY lesbian women!!
@lurk
Fuck yeah. You just know those furry lesbos have pints o’ fluff stuck in their disgusting, matted belly buttons. No wonder they can’t think straight.
It’s Viking guilt for all these centuries of pillaging and raping English (not British) women which has caused them to let women off the leash and now look what they’ve done: they’ve all turned to hairy sperm-stealing gay lesbian homos impregnating themselves with teapots (when they’re not busy fisting one another) to scrounge single motherhood benefits.
Frankly i’d rather they went back to their old ways of pillaging and raping, and maybe (just maybe) England would never have gone so soft and PC (if i’m right)
Even more amusing is to Google Tom Taylor-Duxbury and see what confronts him should he attempt to Google himself. He also features large on this thread http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/yourview/2075986/What-makes-you-happiest.html interacting with a strong field of fellow inveterate bellends commenting on what makes them happy. A special mention goes to Phil Kean for his textbook contribution.
“wager“: a word used by wankers, I’d wager.
@christonabike
Ahh, yet another goldmine of the truly misguided, courtesy of the Telegraph. The article asks “What Makes You Happiest?”. Some of themore amusing answers include:
And
@christonabike
Well done! You have struck a motherlodeof depressingly mean-spirited wank. Some choice morsels to spit or swallow (don’t know how to do the fancy quote thing);
‘What makes me happiest? Reaching ZaNuLabour thought police’s recommended weekly number of alcohol units by Monday lunchtime
’
O Zangado
Let’s hope he continues to fight the man via his morning skalk, until he dissolves in a pool of Pimms and puss. But nothing beats this wonderful display of I’m alright Jack-offery from would be poet of the village green, Rob M. Blinde;
‘My kids
My Wife
Living in a small town with the fantastic countryside less than a couple of minutes away….oh and NO crime except petty!!
Watching Spring shatter the gloom of Winter…from bloom and leaves to to the return of swifts and martins.
Summer sunshine!
Watching/reading/listening to depressing news and laughing at city dwellers….you made your choice YOU deal with it!!!
NEWS free days…no telly, no radio no papers…pure heaven. Just me the missus and the kids!
My garden and impropmtu barbecues!!!!
Laughing at house prices wether UP or DOWN..who cares..i aint moving nowhere fast….and my mortgage is so small…
Living in an English town with so few as to be negliagable foreign persons!!!!
Country pubs….yup REAL country pubs who love kids and have beer gardens!!’
I suddenly have a new appreciation for the joys of concreting over all countryside, deforestation and building wind turbines near all converted rectories in Wherevershire.
Who’s with me?
@Gyppo
Yeah, I spotted that odious arsehole as well. If anyone remembers the opening credits of “Animals of Farthing Wood” (I know you do), where the concrete comes in waves and swamps the forest, then that’s what I want to do Rob M. Blinde’s house and family and the local English (not British) pub.
Oh, and if anyone feels like truly testing their commitment to humankind today, there’s always the Daily Mail…http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1278922/Plans-mosque-Ground-Zero.html
I feel particularly sorry for his wife and children on his decreed `news free days,’ unable to turn on the telly or the radio.
I expect they pass the time letting him win at Monopoly. Or sitting glum and silent in a kid friendly beer garden, listening to him sound off at repressive drink-drive legislation.
From the Torygraph
On a par, according to (wouldn’t you know it) A True Brit:
- The Spanish Armada
- Nazi Germany
- Hoodies and a mildly socialist government (on their own, they’d be OK, maybe only half an Armada or a semi-Nazi, but together, BOOM).
2 seconds googling Tom Taylor Duxbury reveals an awful lot about him. He lives in Ludlow and here’s a photo from his local newspaper of him about to wee himself cos he’s meeting his hero Johnny Ball (who would give him a right slap if he knew about TTD’s idiotic, anti-scientific, fat, pompous, tory-wanks on the net.)
@Hey I AM a gyppo!
Rob M. Blinde is, I think, the reason why the countryside is “a wonderful place to visit”.
I’m pretty sure the the Spanish Armada was defeated by the ‘English NOT British’. Oh and the Dutch, but of course they rolled over for the Panzers so they don’t count.
That Daily Mail thread on Mosque’s at Ground Zero has some text book examples of ITS NOT RACIST ITS COMMON SENSE and the inability to conduct simple google searches like ‘church iraq’
Johnny Ball has actually been making a pretty colossal twat of himself on the subject of climate change over the past few years.
What a delightfully cheeky grin, he looks like Greg Wallace upon being confronted with a singularly calorific pudding. Or perhaps Harold Bishop after putting one over on Lou Carpenter again.
More importantly why does Johnny appear to be holding, well, a Johnny in front of his groin?
Johnny Ball’s a frickin’ anti-MMGW pusher!!! *sigh* Another God falls from my pantheon of schoolboy heroes.
What’s next? David Attenborough arrested in Cambodia for gob-stopping a 12 year old male prostitute? Johnny Morris caught stealing gin from Lidl? Tony Hart arrested for being drunk and abusive and high on coke?
John Noakes arrested for breeding pit-bulls for the illegal dog fight circuit???!!!
John Craven using CountryFile as a cover for his bestial lust?
Amy Winehouse nicked for disorderly conduct at AA meetings…
Derek Griffiths campaigning for UKIP? Or is that going too far.
Henry’s Cat finally flipping out and stoving that annoying cunt Chris Rabbit’s head in with a shoe?
I hate to break this thread, and funny peculiar’s heart, but there’s a very low chance of Tony Hart being arrested for anything…
Think of all the times his pretty young assistants had to passively sniff glue on Blue Peter.
David Bellamy’s fitting in pretty nicely with the HYSers, blaming the BBC for blacklisting him for his daft anti-MMGW views.
Is this a good time to say that I’m a bit skeptical of MMGW? (I’m skeptical of the deniers, too.)
I’m especially skeptical of posts like this one, which tries to rise above both camps.
@High Speed Vomit:
I believe that there’s MMGW. I also believe that there are deniers. I even believe in the existence of your post.
Does that clear things up?
Nothing wrong with skepticism. I assume you know the difference between being skeptical and cherishing illogical prejudice in the face of reasoned argument.
@Ugly Newt
Ah, but is my post man-made? That is the question!
I wouldn’t be so presumptious as to ask whether you are a man, so you may smugly keep the answer to that one to yourself.
@Ugly Newt
I’m sure there’s something terribly intelligent and trifficly impressive that I could say about man-made global warming after your post, but, ummmm, fucked if I know what it is.
Getting back to the point… so his name really is Tom Taylor-Duxbury? I’m so pleased, because it labels him as the bollock-brained inbred twat he obviously is.
It is annoying about Johnny Ball, isn’t it? A friend of mine bumped into him in a hotel toilet once (no, not in that way) and said ‘Ooh, Mr Morris, I used to love your programmes.’ So maybe that helps?
Lots of love.
“On a par, according to (wouldn’t you know it) A True Brit:
- The Spanish Armada
- Nazi Germany
- Hoodies and a mildly socialist government (on their own, they’d be OK, maybe only half an Armada or a semi-Nazi, but together, BOOM).”
Read it again. He’s taking the piss. I don’t think he’s a satirical leftie, I think he’s a clever rightie who’s sick of all the defeatist twats at the Telegraph.
Some people should be banned from using copy and paste. And the internet. And food.
“If Gordon McBruin had the moral courage to call a general election next week and announce this fact at PMQ this coming Wednesday, then I (and millions like me) for once would be thrilled, deliriously happy and finally delighted…
That this abhorrent chapter of the rapidly demising country�s finances could once and for all be put to a decent and honourable end…
Like a gone-off mouldy cheese, it really is time to bin this decaying lump of socialist ineptitude once and for all… when Tony Bliar departed was the perfect to give the country it�s fair and right opportunity for a real change…
(Which we never got)
And then importantly a leader we would have chosen ourselves, not defaulted upon us…
Vive la R�volution!! ”
I know it’s been said before, on this very site, but are these people really incapable of thinking about anything else? I understand it on HYS: it’s where you go to bitch about Labour, so even if the BBC put up something shite like “What’s your favourite rainbow EVER?”, the instinct is to write “THERELL BE NO MOAR RAINBOWS NOW COZ MCBROONLIABORE CUNT HAS TAXED TEHM AND IMMIGRUNTS TO LOL”. But you find this stuff everywhere that anyone is allowed to write anything. I am firmly of the belief that some poor kid somewhere is even now bringing home a report from his teacher that reads “Little Timmy will go far… all the way to the gulags under this Nazi government of do-gooders!”
*He is, of course, bringing said school report back a good few days late…
Thanks for the Daily Fail link, Funny Bone, my eyes have now bled all over my keyboard.
My personal favourite comment was this:
A master of tautology, hyperbole AND mixed metaphors, this one!
Yes. That’s the reason.
That Mail link is much less dispiriting if you remember that you’ve entered bizarro world and adjust accordingly. Suddenly over 600 people APPROVE of someone being called out over the existence of churches in Pakistan. See? Much better. *rocks back and forth*
Useful, if you didn’t already know he was from Ludlow.
Seriously though folks, a new colleague of mine introduced himself to me as “Brenton Smythe”, and although I hadn’t actually started laughing, my face was already arranged in that pre-laugh sort of position by the time I realised he wasn’t joking.
Awkward.
From RLFB’s Torygraph happiness posts -
Anyone else read that as “medication”?
@Chaise Guevara
I’ve been wondering that too. I think there’s an element of joining in when the poster sees someone small and defenceless being taunted by a bunch of school bullies. They see the behaviour, they crave approval from their peers, and so they join in the ZaNuLabour-bashing when it might otherwise not have occurred to them to do so.
According to this theory, if we can get a sufficient number of people who can’t spell talking about particle physics on HYS, within two or three years Stephen Hawking will be out of a job.
First I was totally MMGW. Then I was totally a ‘denialler’. Then I was mostly a denialler under a veneer of skeptic so I wouldn’t look like a HYS person. Now it’s hard for me to really give a fuck either way, and just recently I caught myself thinking, “Well, maybe the world’s scientists and governments might actually know what they’re doing, or as near as makes little difference anyway.” Honest! I would not dream of admitting this ever, outside this site, so as not to lose all my coolness anti-establishment stick-it-to-the-man points.
How can a volcano made of shit spew giants?
As for AGW, we don’t need to worry. If it’s true, our descendants will find that you can’t inhabit a planet with the surface temperature and atmosphere of Venus. If it’s not true, our descendants will find that you can’t inhabit a planet with all the natural resources gone and a few too many people on it.
Our best bet is bird flu. Although even then the sudden cessation of industrial activity would decrease the amount of reflective particulate matter in the atmosphere and might actually increase global warming.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pick a religion.
Or just a good old fashioned war, right?
War requires industry, as any anarchist or capitalist will tell you with equal and opposite excitement. Collide them and you get a guardion.
Off topic, but worth sharing. From our old friend Rhys Jaggar, on the presence of women in the cabinet (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/libby_purves/article7128199.ece):
I want to put some form of witty retort to Rhys’s ramblings, but I’m frankly awe-struck by the sheer size of the chasm that exists between Rhys & reality.
I’m just sorry for the women he came across in the last 8 years. There they were, minding their own business, when suddenly they get come across by Rhys Jaggar. Sure it comes out in the wash but he’s still a fucking pervert.
Fixed.
Do you say that because you can’t consider women as being anything between conspiring lesbian feminazis and subservient ambitionless receptacles for your watery spunk, Rhys? Or are you just scrabbling around for excuses for your *own* failure?
@U. Newt,
To be fair, I don’t think the consistency of the globby white stuff bears any relation to the cuntiness of its ejaculator, if you’ll pardon my biolinguistic coinage.
@High Speed Vomit -
I agree, runniness isn’t a sign of the quality of either the spunk or the spunkbubble who made it. But I needed an adjective there, and suspect that “watery” is one that, should Rhys Jaggar (that’s “Rhys Jaggar”) find this thread by googling himself, would offend him while being irrelevant to anyone else.
Ah! All is clear. Well, “Rhys Jaggar”, also known as “Jaggar, Rhys” or indeed +Rhys +Jaggar, you have the least fertile man-seed in creation. Methinks. Aw, fuck it, I’ve got work to do.
Perhaps it’s confusing me because it’s hard to be coherant while furiously masturbating, but is Rhys suggesting some kind of government scheme where women are lined up outside his bedroom so he can sweatily pummel them with his fun-size manhood*, to cure them of their sexual frustrations and thereby put a stop to feminist spy rings that are stealing our jobs with satellites?
Because if so, that’s some seriously fucking impressive lunacy. I’d shake his hand, but I just washed.
* That’s fun-size as in Mars Bar fun-size, i.e. not fun at all, actually really disappointingly small.
From The Gospel of Wisdom and Humanity, (aka The Daily Mail),
Obviously, Aber doesn’t actually bother to check stats or facts or any of that ‘leftie’ shit. Cos he just knows, yeah, he’s sure, well, at least, he suspects, that most Americans who shoot dead another American are generally involved in some sort of crime.
There’s an article in today’s DM about a violent bankrobbery. The article includes very large mugshots of the robbers. It prompted George, Bexleyheath, to highlight the gaping chasm between his and their intelligence.
Bloody good try, George.
Rhys Jaggar has got all confused with his lessons in sexual freedoms “tick-box”. Ticking a lady’s box isn’t going to make her any more satisfied. You ask Uncle Andy, he knows how to fix us up. Ooooh yeah.
Urgh, sorry. Seem to have been a bit sick in my mouth
It’s nice that Rhys Jaggar wants us ladies to have the freedom to shag him though. No, really. We’re very restricted in who we’re allowed to do nowadays, what with being post-feminism and all. Footballers, mostly yes. Mentalists, mostly not. Tragic really.
Of course, footballers don’t traditionally bother to ask first. Arf arf arf.
Apologies to any overpaid macho cunts reading this.
Spelled my own fucking fake name wrong.